In this warm and essential conversation, Dr. Justin Coulson sits down with author, educator, and parenting expert Michelle Mitchell to explore how parents can navigate conversations around sex, puberty, consent, and identity with their children aged 8–12. Michelle shares insights from her book Where Do Babies Come From?, offering parents practical tools to talk about tricky topics with clarity, confidence, and compassion.
KEY POINTS:
- Parents often feel unsure or awkward when kids ask about sex, reproduction, or body changes—but avoiding the topic can lead to misinformation and anxiety.
- Michelle's book is written for kids aged 8–12 and includes age-appropriate detail, wraparound values, and medical illustrations to provide clarity and context.
- Talking about sex should include conversations about respect, emotional intimacy, and consent—not just the mechanics.
- Children benefit from being book “bosses”—given agency and choice about how, when, and with whom to learn this information.
- Respecting a child’s privacy and emotional readiness is crucial; discomfort is normal and protective.
- Conversations about consent start with everyday experiences: knocking before entering, asking before touching, and even checking in before offering advice.
- Identity and family story matter deeply—every child deserves to feel seen and safe, no matter how they came into the world.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
“If you don’t ever want that to happen to your body, you don’t have to—because anything to do with sex is 100% your choice.”
—Michelle Mitchell
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
- Where Do Babies Come From? by Michelle Mitchell
- The Girl’s Guide to Puberty and The Guy’s Guide to Puberty by Michelle Mitchell
- Michelle Mitchell’s website: www.michellemitchell.org
- Happy Families Website: www.happyfamilies.com.au
- Australian Government's Consent Can’t Wait Campaign
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
- Start Early: Begin conversations around body parts, privacy, and consent well before puberty.
- Choose the Right Resources: Use age-appropriate books like Michelle's to guide your conversations and revisit them often.
- Normalise Curiosity: Let your children know it’s okay to ask questions—nothing is off-limits.
- Respect Autonomy: Ask if your child wants to read with you or alone; offer space but stay present and open.
- Model Consent Daily: Ask permission before touching or offering advice to build mutual respect.
Value Connection Over Perfection: You don’t need to have perfect answers—just be available and genuine.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hey mum, where do babies come from?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Dad? How did my brother end up in our family?
Speaker 3 (00:14):
These are the questions that so many parents don't really
know how to answer. Like we know how to answer them,
but when our child comes to us and ask the
question on the spot, usually in front of friends at
a barbecue, around the dining table, we take a big,
deep breath and wonder how do we get through this
next couple of moments with our child. Today on the
Happy Families podcast, I'm speaking with Michelle Mitchell, the author
(00:35):
of Where do Babies Come From?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
And Other questions children aged eight to twelve ask.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
This is the Happy Family's podcast, Real Parenting Solutions, every
day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. My name is
Justin Coulson, and today Michelle Mitchell, the author of the book,
joins me to talk about it. Michelle, has it ever
happened to you? Did either of your two boys walk
up to you and say, hey, Mom, I need to.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Know do you know what I actually ask on this
the other day? And I don't even know how this
conversation came up, but I said, do you remember us
actually having this conversation?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
And both of them said, Nat, you obviously did a
great job.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
We actually can't imagine or remember it actually being a
formal conversation, so we obviously drip fed this information somehow
because they do know where babies came from.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Yeah, okay, okay, I should just mention as well.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
By way of intro and bio, Michelle is the convener
of the Resilient Kids Conference that travels around the country
on an annual basis and dispenses incredible parenting wisdom. And
you've also written a couple of, well several other books,
including I've got some of them here on my bookshelf Tweens,
which is an absolute bestseller and a muster for parents
have children in that eight to twelve category. But you've
(01:46):
also written The Girl's Guide and The Guy's Guide to Puberty,
and my eleven year old daughter Emily.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Loves those books.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
They are literally they're a permanent fixture on our living
room floor. She doesn't like the Boys One so much,
but she does like Girls One a lot, and we've
been over it and over and over it. So when
your new one came out, Where do Babies Come From?
I instantly contacted you and said, got to have it.
Emily's going to need it, and I don't. I don't
know a single person in this country or on this
planet that I trust more based on what you do
(02:15):
with the Purity books to help parents have this conversation
with their children.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
I'm so grateful and I loved getting your text message,
like my daughter's so excited to read this, and I
was like, oh, it's so beautiful to hear that they're
actually excited about diving into a book like this. And
I have twenty five years of really funny stories and
good jokes and I am not going to die without
them being recorded in a book.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
So Michelle hit me with one, Well tell me one
of your jokes.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Well, okay, So teeny tiny trouble. That's the baby goes
for her first scan and she doesn't want her private
parts to be seen, so she hides for the sonographer
and instead of getting any look at her private parts,
she just gives the sonographer like a big moon. So
(03:07):
all the ten year old boys will love that because
the baby just moons at the sonographer. Do you get it?
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Yeah, yeah I do.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
I was not laughing, I was looking. I was looking
for more that is funny. No, I get it. It's funny, Michelle,
it's funny.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
No, And look, the baby says, now, this is what
you get a full moon. You've got a bit ten justin.
To get into that kind of humor.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
I need to go through the books.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
In the body it's funny, yeah, in the book the cartoon,
it's funny, yeah, Michelle. Let's make this about my history
for a sec. When I was about I think, maybe
eleven ten, my mom came home one day. I remember
standing in front of the garage of our orange brick
home at Niagara Park on the New southwalest Central Coast,
(03:56):
top of the driveway, and Mum says, hey, justin quick question,
do you know where babies come from? I figured that
out by what I'd heard in the playground around about
grade three, somewhere between the ages of eight and nine.
But of course I lied and said to Mum no,
because I thought I might get in trouble if she
knew that.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
I knew right, Mum might think I'm rude. Kids say
that to me all the time.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Totally that's right, And so I said no.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
And then she pulled a little book out called where
did I Come From? Or Where do I Come From?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Or something like that.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
I mean, it was a classic for decades. And she said, well,
I got this book and I thought it might help
you to understand things.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Would you like to read it with me or would
you like to read it on your own?
Speaker 2 (04:36):
And what did you say?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
What do you think? I said?
Speaker 3 (04:39):
Got to be kidding, I'm not reading this with you.
I said, of course, I'll read it on my own.
I knew I didn't need to read it because I
already knew the answers. Nevertheless, I still read it because
kids are curious.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Tell me why are we not using where did I
come from?
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Anymore? Why did we need you to write this book?
Speaker 3 (04:57):
And for what it's worth, I'm a huge fan of
what you've done here, But why did you decide it
was time for an update after four decades of that
one being pretty dominant.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
There's a few things going on here. This book is
for eight to twelve year old so this is a
little bit more comprehensive. There's one hundred and fifty six
pages here, So this is four kids who are ready
for a little bit more of those wrap around topics,
who have more extensive questions. I call it that age
where they're cognitively ready to be asking questions. So there's
(05:29):
a lot more medical information. I find that when I
go into schools, boys are just wanting to particularly absorb
that medical information about now babies grow, and they just
love it. They really really love it. So it's not
a picture book like where did I come from?
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Yeah, with like the mum and the dad hiding under
the covers, and you kind of get the sense that
the covers are moving a little bit, so there's something
going on under there.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
That's right. The other thing I do is I use
medical diagrams, and I think that's really important in this
day and age we've got we're talking to our kids
a lot more about pornography and the difference between you know,
inappropriate maybe images for kids to look at. When I
go into schools, I'm very very clear that these are
medical diagrams and so you'll see the anatomy and it's
(06:15):
a really soft way to explain sexual intercourse to kids.
So if you go on my shop page, you'll actually
see how I have done that and why I do
that in this day and age, So that's another key difference.
The other difference that a lot of people don't know
is there's really the latest research has changed as well.
We used to say that it was the fastest, strongest
(06:37):
sperm that reached the shell of that egg and.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
Cracked into the shell of that egg. That actually sort
of won that shell that egg, but it's actually not.
The egg gets a final say on which sperm penetrates
at shell, and that is new research. And you'll see
in the comics that is really reflected.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
The egg actually says I knew I was popular, but
this is slightly overwhelming. So you can see that the
egg makes that's good.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
I really like that, all right, I should have been
a little funny and start.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
I want our kids to say, I'm smart enough not
to be fooled. I'm confident enough to make wise decisions,
and I'm educated enough to know how wonderful my body is.
And our kids just don't need to know. I guess
the birds and the bees chat anymore. There's a whole
lot of wrap around values that need to come with
these conversations. So this book is not just a pitch book.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
I really want to spend some time on the wrap
around values concept. I feel quite the same. I think
that when we separate emotional intimacy from physical intimacy, we
end up with transactional intimate. Well, it's not even intimate anymore,
is it. It becomes a transactional rather than intimate moment. It
takes away from the significance and even the sacredness of
(07:58):
that intimate moment by simply making it performative recreational. I
don't think that we should be separating emotion emotional intimacy
from what we might call physical intimacy, and yet that's
what we typically do when we have a birds and
bees conversation. So let's step into that for a minute.
How do you convey that these wrap around ideas and
(08:19):
values in a book that's written for eight to twelve
year olds to literally pick up and flick through themselves
to get this information as much as we want parents
to read it with them.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Lovely, and this comes from our heart first, doesn't it. It
comes from who we are, And it's counter to a
lot of the imagery that they're seeing in the movie.
So their idea of what sex is is coming from
a lot of like quick grabs and flicks that they're
even getting in advertising or little snippets they're seeing in
the movies. So it is really when you're starting to
(08:52):
actually sit next to a kid and actually explain the
details of it. A lot of kids are going, I
never want that to happen to my body. And one
of the biggest things I actually say back to kids is,
you know what the best news is, if you don't
ever want that to happen to your body, you don't
have to because guess what, anything to do with sense
is one hundred percent your choice, and you don't have
to make that decision now. This is a decision you
(09:14):
make when you are much, much, much older, because neither
your body or your heart is ready to make that
decision right now.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
In the interest of preserving anonymity for my children, but
still sharing a great story. Just in the last couple
of weeks, one of my children, who is definitely in
an age group where it's appropriate to be having curiosity
and conversations in this in this vein, just said to me,
I can't believe. I can't believe that that's what you
and mum had to do so that we could be conceived.
(09:44):
And she just said, I really like She was honest.
She said, I'm curious and I'm interested, but I really
really don't like anything about this right now. And I
looked at her and I gave her a great big
hug and I said, and that's just right for you
right now. At some point that will change, but right now,
that's where you should be, and let's celebrate that. And
(10:05):
you can still ask me anything. We can still talk
about anything, because the curiosity is natural and normal and
I'd rather you ask me than ask Google.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
And justin I love that. And when I stand up
in front of say, just say grade sixers and they
feel awkward and they feel nervous, and you know, they're
all like, oh, what she's going to say? I actually
really validate that feeling. And I say, I'm so glad
you feel like that, because that feeling right there is
actually designed to protect you in life. If a stranger
(10:35):
was in front of you wanting to talk to you
about your body or anything to do with sex, and
if it was anyone other than a safe, trusted person
who had like I have to tell I tell them
that I've had to get signed off by you know,
the Australian government to be able to speak about this
in schools, and then your parents have had to say
(10:56):
that they believe I'm a trusted adult. And then I
have to have peaches in this room who are going
to listen to every word and they are going to
fly down these aisles and grab me by the neck
and drag me out if I say one word wrong.
You know, I really hype it up because I want
them to know that it's a job that adults take
very seriously. And the reason why they're nervous is because
(11:20):
I'm about to step into a space that's very sacred,
and so I hope this book actually transfers that as well.
And the whole first chapter is about them becoming the
book boss, and the book boss actually gives them a
whole list of questions to work through with their trusted adults,
which gives them autonomy and choice over how they want
(11:43):
to have these conversations.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Perfect, Yeah, And I think that to me was actually
a really important start point. So I actually say to them,
you know, how do you want to read this book?
Choose your level of privacy. Do you want to have
a look at this book first by yourself or with
you like to read it side by side with your
trusted adults. How are you most comfortable find the best time?
(12:06):
You know, where do you want to actually read the book,
Let's talk about how you might handle any big feelings now.
So in other words, I meet kids that when they
actually do read parts of the book, they might go
away and actually do feel a little bit anxious, And
I want them to have a plan for that now.
So let's agree together. I say here that if you
(12:27):
have any awkward feelings that you're not just going to
talk to a friend or someone who is at school.
Friends are great for playing computer games, but not great
for answering life's important questions. So we go through that
before we start making it memorable. How about this one?
If you're going to have a special grown up conversation,
you may as well make it memorable. I personally think
(12:50):
hot chocolate and dunking biscuits will be the perfect addition
to this book. Or there's a grander idea. How about
an increase in your weekly pocket money in it exchange
for some talking time. Surely that's not too much to ask,
is it? What ideas do you have? So this is
stuff that they're actually negotiating with you, justin Colson, And
(13:10):
then one last thing, is there anything else on their mind?
So this is about ownership? Now that might seem in
some ways, surely they don't need to have this big
setup before we talk to them about the birds and
the bees. Yes, they do, because this is about consent,
This is about respect, This is about them having a say,
(13:34):
as an eight, nine, ten year old, and then we're
going to talk about the qualities of trusted adults, and
then we're going to lead into, you know, this soft
start where they're going to have such empowerment before we
get to some of the more heavy duty topics that
we need to.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
Michelle, when I have a look at what limited data
we have, and there's very little data on this that
I've been able to find, it seems that a lot
of parents are very uncomfortable to talk with their children
about this, and many parents would rather not do it
at all. There are also some cultural differences, Okay, so
people from one culture may be less likely to want
(14:14):
to have this conversation than people from other cultures.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Like this, this is a real thing. Why is that?
Speaker 3 (14:19):
I mean we over complicating it. Is it supposed to
be something that we're nervous about. Why are so many
parents so nervous about talking about intimacy, physical intimacy, emotional intimacy,
sexual intercourse, procreation.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
There's so many things we didn't get it modeled very well.
I think a lot of us have had bad sexual
experiences as well, and so you know that comes into play.
I think we don't want to get it wrong either,
and we're scared of not sort of knowing what to
say if our kids ask us an awkward question. I
think the cultural thing is real. In the book, I
(14:53):
talk about different talking styles that parents have, and I
say to the kids, it doesn't matter how your family
first to talk. Some families talk around the dinner table
openly and others talk really privately. As long as your
parents are talking, it doesn't matter how they're talking. And
I think that's a really important message for parents to
(15:14):
take away as well, because I meet a lot of
parents in my parent nights that just, you know, they
just say, look, we're not the kind of family that
would talk openly about this across the dinner table. And
I say to parents, you know what, as long as
you are talking to your kids, it is okay. I
say to parents, just please don't do this. Don't just
slap the book on their bed. Run for your life,
(15:35):
and say, please come to me if you have any questions.
That's normally what we I know, that's what we do.
But I think what we're doing is we're putting too
much responsibility on our kids shoulders when that really is
too much for them, especially in this day and age.
What we want to say is this book is an
extension of me. So we say, I've read this book.
(15:57):
I thought it was pretty funny. You know, Page a
hunter in fifty seven was my favorite. That's the mooning
page just then. I didn't even get one laugh out
of you about But tell me what you think of it.
Or you know, there's this talk at school coming up soon,
and how about you and I have some chats before
that talk comes to your school. You know, there's all
(16:19):
sorts of ways to sort of initiate this, but it's
just so we're not putting too much on our kids
shoulders at a time in their life where they're not ready.
You're not the research sense. If they haven't started asking
questions by the time they're ten, it's not that they
don't have questions, it's that they're too uncomfortable to ask.
So it's on us to open the door.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
Michelle, what I love about the puberty books is, I
know how to talk to my kids about this stuff.
But the books give me a framework, they give me
a structure, they give me a sequence, and they just
vibe so much leverage into the conversation. My sense is
that where the babies come from allows that same. It
(17:10):
changes the dialogue. It gives us the structure, It gives
us the direction, it gives us the It gives us
the thing to point out and say, hey, well, let's
talk about this page, or let's talk about this chapter,
let's talk about this theme. It changes the quality, the
tenor the experience of the conversation that we have with
our children. The other thing that really stands out to
me is important here is that, as you said, this
(17:31):
is a page, that this is a book with more
than one hundred and fifty pages in it, which means
that you can't really just sit down and say, all right,
well we've had the talk.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
No, and it's two hundred and fifty justin and kids
can come back to this time and time again. Now
remember it's broken up with comics. There's really big size
font there's a little bit on cyber safety, there's a
little bit on sexual consent and body safety. So it's
got these wrap around values in it as well. There's
a lot about like you know, the three trimesters and
(18:02):
the baby growing, and it's really cute and fun, but
it's stuff that kids can dip in and out of.
And I think when we just talk to kids and
they can't dip in and out of that and refresh
their memory and come back to the facts quite as easily.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
I'm an ambassador for the federal Government's Consent Can't Wait campaign,
and you've raised consent a couple of times in this discussion.
So let's say that we're talking about eight to Twelve's right,
these are kids who they're far too young to be
involved in any kind of physical intimacy, but the consent
conversation still matters. And the overwhelming data that we see
through the federal government's campaign and their research is that
(18:40):
parents don't know how to talk about consent generally, but
they especially don't know what to say to younger children
because they feel like consent is only about physical intimacy.
They don't realize that concent is a much broader conversation.
So how are you introducing it in the book and
what can parents do in that specific zone? Because it
is to me the most important conversations we can be
(19:01):
having right now.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
To me, it's a much broader conversation than anything to
do with sex, and it's almost it's almost a completely
separate conversation that then heats up as our kids get older.
But even those small things like giving our kids, you know,
that real say in you know, making sure they're have
(19:24):
the same weather, to keep their bathroom door closed when
they're having a shower, or it's not okay for their
little brother to walk in and out of the room
if they're getting changed. It's simple things like that in
our house that sometimes we're like, oh, it's not a
big deal, but our kids hit eleven and get really
self conscious and it is a really big deal to them.
(19:45):
And I think it's just making sure that our kids
get that voice and that say and that respect the
moment that they vocalize it in our homes. I think
that's very on a very practical level. When I'm speaking
to kids in schools, make sure that they are really
clear that sex is not for kids. It's for someone
that you love, trust, and it's a very private thing
(20:08):
because it involves your body. And you can imagine how
serious that is and because they're imagining then their physical body,
they're actually feeling the weight of that. And I want
them to know that their bodies are important. I want
them to know that they're valuable. And the moment kids
are ready to get this information update and they really
(20:30):
digest the seriousness of that, that's the moment that I
think they're ready to really understand that, hey, your precious
body needs to be protected and that there gives you
an inroad to have some of those conversations.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Yeah, I love this.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
One of the one of the consent conversations that I
lean on pretty heavily is that when my daughters were young,
obviously six daughters, so I'd take them for a bath
right like they it's time for bath, and Kylie would say,
can you go and scrub the kids because I'm doing
this thing or that thing there.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
We were out numbered, so I would do whatever I
was asked to do.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
And as a father, as much as some people might
raise their eyes eyebrows at this, I used to love
bathing my kids like it was sacred time. I got
to be with them and there's that skin to skin
and it's.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Just really really great.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
So as they got older and I no longer had
to bath them with the same level of input, I'd
still have to be there to keep them safe. And
then as they got older again I was just there
basically to make sure they scrubbed themselves, because sometimes they'd
sit in the bath for twenty five minutes and never
touch the soap. But even from a young age, I
would say to them, Okay, would you like to scrub
yourself or do you want dad to do it? And
(21:39):
specifically around their private part to their body, I would say,
would you like to scrub there or would you like
dad too? And I just sort of highlight to parents
this is consent. You're just checking in is it okay
for me to do this or would you rather? How
do you want this to play out? Now with adolescents
and kids in their twenties, I will get consent before
(22:01):
I share my opinion. So I say, hey, I've got
an idea. Would you be open to hearing it or
would you rather that I keep this one to myself.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
I think that's actually very very good with girls too,
and knowing you too, justin knowing you, I think that's
a very good idea.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Because I do like to share my opinions, right that's
what you're saying. I got the feeling that's what you're
pointing at. But what I find as well is that
once consent is given, there's just a wonderful acceptance. There's
a respect, there's an openness, and it works. Consent is
about so much more than just what happens between two
(22:37):
people in a physical a physical way. I'm really glad
that you shared what you did there, Michelle. I have
a couple of other quick questions for you about what's
in the book. There's a really big part of this
book that is about identity. Now, before I ask you
about why. Many years ago, when I put together my
Resilience presentation, the first thing that I've put in there
(22:59):
was kids need to know who they are. They need
to know whose they are, They need to understand their
family story, they need to know their identity. Because the
more they know who they are, the more resilient they're
able to be, the stronger they can be. They've got
roots that will hold them in place when those fierce
winds blow. Every time I share that, people kind of go, oh, yeah,
I would thought resilience was about doing hard things, But
(23:21):
when you know who you are, that works in the
context of teaching kids about procreation.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Where does identity fit? Why did you put that there?
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Oh, And there's a difference between where babies come from
and your family story, and it is and in the
context of respective people, in the context of consent, in
the context of some of these values we've been talking about.
Even when a child walks into a classroom of twenty
seven other kids, they actually have to understand that everyone
(23:52):
has a different story. I have some really dear friends
that have adopted to beautiful boys, and they are at
the age where they were ready to have this conversation
in an information update type of way with their boys,
and I wanted to make sure this was a book
that those boys. I'm going to cry justin that those
(24:14):
boys would just feel just as loved, just as respected,
and just as valued and honored as any other child
on the planet. And their those boys' mother was too
ill to take care of them. And you know, they
were from a third world country, and so much trauma
(24:37):
for a child to come out of. Why would you
ever want a conversation like this to add to their trauma.
So every page of this book, in my mind, I'm
reading it through the eyes of a child who had
complex family stories. And you know my working history justin
(24:57):
you know that I've worked with a child's safety, i
worked with refugee families. I've worked with so many diverse
family situations, and I want to honor every child. And
so I guess there's three superstars in the story. There's
a uterus, there's an egg, and there's a sperm. But
then there's a family story that wraps around that. And
the trusted adults in children's lives are the real heroes
(25:21):
that love and bring the security and safety around a
child's life. And there's fifty questions that kids answer in
a part of this book, like a journal activity, and
I tell them that these questions are really tricky and
it's unlikely that they're going to get an answer to
every single one of these questions. But for some kids,
(25:42):
they're going to be on like a bit of a
treasure hunt to see how much that they can find
out about who they are with the help of the
adults in their lives.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
Really appreciate sharing that, Michelle. As as we draw this
conversation to a close, I want to pick up on
a theme that underscored much of what you just said
and that is the role of parent, the need for
parents to provide security and safety and to support their
children as they figure out who they are and they
embark on what will ultimately hopefully be a really fulfilling
(26:14):
and joyful experience with physical and emotional intimacy in the
sexual component of their lives.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Can you just talk a little bit.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
More about the role of parents and for those children
who for various reasons may not have access to parents
to guide them here the role of carers and other
significant and important and trusted adults in children's lives. In
terms of how this conversation plays out.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Yeah, I mean, you take values away from a child,
you take those anchor points away from a child, and
you just knock the legs out of decision making in
the most critical times in the years of their life.
And I guess resources like this in some ways are
my I don't know, subconscious way of trying to be
(27:06):
there in spaces and places of kids' lives where maybe
they have half present adults. Maybe in some way they
can read my words and it fills a gap in
their lives that an adult can't feel for whatever reason,
in that child's life at that time. I feel like parents,
anythink that you can do to instill and transfer strong
(27:31):
values in these years between say eight to twelve, before
they hit those teenage years are completely irreplaceable. You can't
you can't get those years back once they hit thirteen, fourteen, fifteen.
At least they have a blueprint which, now, whether you
like it or not, they're going to make some of
their own decisions based around and on and up against
(27:55):
them through that that blueprint stays with them forever. And
these years are so open, you know, it's a second
rapid time of growth in their life as opposed to toddlerhood.
Their brains developing at the speed of lightning between eight
and twelve, and they're absorbing your values at such a
quick pace.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
One quick observation as you say that, it springs to
mind that I rarely get excited about having a conversation
with my children about these kinds of topics, and yet
the opportunity to share, the opportunity to listen, the opportunity
to impart those values generally turns those conversations into some
(28:38):
of the most delightfully unexpected positive experiences and positive reactions
that I've ever had.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
With my children. I actually really love these conversations.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
And justin, guess what you could swap this topic up for.
I don't care less, But this is about connecting with
your kid, right and this is just a tool in
the vehicle. Can I just share one beautiful thing that
a mum said to me just a few weeks ago.
She came up to me and she said her daughter
had said had been really nervous about this conversation. And
(29:09):
after the book and after the conversation, she came to
a mom and she said, Mom, thank you for buying
me that book, and thank you for talking to me.
And Mom, can we keep this book? And when I
have a daughter, I'm going to have this conversation with
my daughter and I'm going to use this book. And
I just went on just loving this. And it's because
(29:29):
the moment mattered. It doesn't matter whether you're talking about
birds and bees or whatever. It's the moment that matters.
And if this matters for your child right now, show
up and do it well and make sure growing up's fun.
That's what I reckon. Justin, I want parents to know
(29:49):
that there's all sorts of information about assisted reproductive therapy
as well, because that's such a big part of a
lot of kids journey. That's just the only thing that
I think we didn't mention, But I think think we
covered so much ground here.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
I've loved the conversation. The book is called Where do
Babies Come From? And Other Questions? At eight twelve year
odds ask you've sold tens of thousands of copies of
this book already. I'm a little bit slow to the
party getting you on the podcast, and the book's been
out for a little while now, but we will link
to it in the show notes, and hopefully there'll be
another bunch of a huge bunch of people who are
listening to pod and saying, oh, yeah, I need some
guidance here. This is exactly the book that we need
(30:23):
in our home. We love having it on and on
our bedside table and giving our kids access to it.
This podcast conversation has prompted me to pull it out
and go through it, even with a couple of my
bigger kids, because it's been a while since we've had
some of those conversations, and I just think there's so
much value in the book. Michelle Mitchell, author of Where
Do Babies Come From, as well as both the Girls
(30:44):
and the Guys Guide to Puberty and Tweens.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Thank you so much for being on a Happy Family podcast.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
Thank you, Page one five seven mooning.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Oh go on, I'll go and have a special look
at that page as soon as I've finished conversation. I'm
so glad that you got Mileageadam, and that makes me
happy to know that you were happy.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
Pretty It's a bit of a slow start. We have
to kind of warm it up now.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Yeah, you made up for it. It was really great.
Speaker 3 (31:10):
Thanks for being with Mi Michelle, and I'm sure that
this book's going to be so helpful so many families.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Thanks Justin.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
The Happy Families Podcast is produced by Justin Roland from
Bridge Media. We will link to these resources in the
show notes as promised, and if you'd like more information
and more resources generally about making your family happier, Happy
Families dot com, dot a
Hey mum, where do babies come from?
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Dad? How did my brother end up in our family?
Speaker 3 (00:14):
These are the questions that so many parents don't really
know how to answer. Like we know how to answer them,
but when our child comes to us and ask the
question on the spot, usually in front of friends at
a barbecue, around the dining table, we take a big,
deep breath and wonder how do we get through this
next couple of moments with our child. Today on the
Happy Families podcast, I'm speaking with Michelle Mitchell, the author
(00:35):
of Where do Babies Come From?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
And Other questions children aged eight to twelve ask.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
This is the Happy Family's podcast, Real Parenting Solutions, every
day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. My name is
Justin Coulson, and today Michelle Mitchell, the author of the book,
joins me to talk about it. Michelle, has it ever
happened to you? Did either of your two boys walk
up to you and say, hey, Mom, I need to.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Know do you know what I actually ask on this
the other day? And I don't even know how this
conversation came up, but I said, do you remember us
actually having this conversation?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
And both of them said, Nat, you obviously did a
great job.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
We actually can't imagine or remember it actually being a
formal conversation, so we obviously drip fed this information somehow
because they do know where babies came from.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Yeah, okay, okay, I should just mention as well.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
By way of intro and bio, Michelle is the convener
of the Resilient Kids Conference that travels around the country
on an annual basis and dispenses incredible parenting wisdom. And
you've also written a couple of, well several other books,
including I've got some of them here on my bookshelf Tweens,
which is an absolute bestseller and a muster for parents
have children in that eight to twelve category. But you've
(01:46):
also written The Girl's Guide and The Guy's Guide to Puberty,
and my eleven year old daughter Emily.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Loves those books.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
They are literally they're a permanent fixture on our living
room floor. She doesn't like the Boys One so much,
but she does like Girls One a lot, and we've
been over it and over and over it. So when
your new one came out, Where do Babies Come From?
I instantly contacted you and said, got to have it.
Emily's going to need it, and I don't. I don't
know a single person in this country or on this
planet that I trust more based on what you do
(02:15):
with the Purity books to help parents have this conversation
with their children.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
I'm so grateful and I loved getting your text message,
like my daughter's so excited to read this, and I
was like, oh, it's so beautiful to hear that they're
actually excited about diving into a book like this. And
I have twenty five years of really funny stories and
good jokes and I am not going to die without
them being recorded in a book.
Speaker 1 (02:41):
So Michelle hit me with one, Well tell me one
of your jokes.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Well, okay, So teeny tiny trouble. That's the baby goes
for her first scan and she doesn't want her private
parts to be seen, so she hides for the sonographer
and instead of getting any look at her private parts,
she just gives the sonographer like a big moon. So
(03:07):
all the ten year old boys will love that because
the baby just moons at the sonographer. Do you get it?
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Yeah, yeah I do.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
I was not laughing, I was looking. I was looking
for more that is funny. No, I get it. It's funny, Michelle,
it's funny.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
No, And look, the baby says, now, this is what
you get a full moon. You've got a bit ten justin.
To get into that kind of humor.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
I need to go through the books.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
In the body it's funny, yeah, in the book the cartoon,
it's funny, yeah, Michelle. Let's make this about my history
for a sec. When I was about I think, maybe
eleven ten, my mom came home one day. I remember
standing in front of the garage of our orange brick
home at Niagara Park on the New southwalest Central Coast,
(03:56):
top of the driveway, and Mum says, hey, justin quick question,
do you know where babies come from? I figured that
out by what I'd heard in the playground around about
grade three, somewhere between the ages of eight and nine.
But of course I lied and said to Mum no,
because I thought I might get in trouble if she
knew that.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
I knew right, Mum might think I'm rude. Kids say
that to me all the time.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Totally that's right, And so I said no.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
And then she pulled a little book out called where
did I Come From? Or Where do I Come From?
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Or something like that.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
I mean, it was a classic for decades. And she said, well,
I got this book and I thought it might help
you to understand things.
Speaker 1 (04:32):
Would you like to read it with me or would
you like to read it on your own?
Speaker 2 (04:36):
And what did you say?
Speaker 1 (04:37):
What do you think? I said?
Speaker 3 (04:39):
Got to be kidding, I'm not reading this with you.
I said, of course, I'll read it on my own.
I knew I didn't need to read it because I
already knew the answers. Nevertheless, I still read it because
kids are curious.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Tell me why are we not using where did I
come from?
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Anymore? Why did we need you to write this book?
Speaker 3 (04:57):
And for what it's worth, I'm a huge fan of
what you've done here, But why did you decide it
was time for an update after four decades of that
one being pretty dominant.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
There's a few things going on here. This book is
for eight to twelve year old so this is a
little bit more comprehensive. There's one hundred and fifty six
pages here, So this is four kids who are ready
for a little bit more of those wrap around topics,
who have more extensive questions. I call it that age
where they're cognitively ready to be asking questions. So there's
(05:29):
a lot more medical information. I find that when I
go into schools, boys are just wanting to particularly absorb
that medical information about now babies grow, and they just
love it. They really really love it. So it's not
a picture book like where did I come from?
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Yeah, with like the mum and the dad hiding under
the covers, and you kind of get the sense that
the covers are moving a little bit, so there's something
going on under there.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
That's right. The other thing I do is I use
medical diagrams, and I think that's really important in this
day and age we've got we're talking to our kids
a lot more about pornography and the difference between you know,
inappropriate maybe images for kids to look at. When I
go into schools, I'm very very clear that these are
medical diagrams and so you'll see the anatomy and it's
(06:15):
a really soft way to explain sexual intercourse to kids.
So if you go on my shop page, you'll actually
see how I have done that and why I do
that in this day and age, So that's another key difference.
The other difference that a lot of people don't know
is there's really the latest research has changed as well.
We used to say that it was the fastest, strongest
(06:37):
sperm that reached the shell of that egg and.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
Cracked into the shell of that egg. That actually sort
of won that shell that egg, but it's actually not.
The egg gets a final say on which sperm penetrates
at shell, and that is new research. And you'll see
in the comics that is really reflected.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
The egg actually says I knew I was popular, but
this is slightly overwhelming. So you can see that the
egg makes that's good.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
I really like that, all right, I should have been
a little funny and start.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
I want our kids to say, I'm smart enough not
to be fooled. I'm confident enough to make wise decisions,
and I'm educated enough to know how wonderful my body is.
And our kids just don't need to know. I guess
the birds and the bees chat anymore. There's a whole
lot of wrap around values that need to come with
these conversations. So this book is not just a pitch book.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
I really want to spend some time on the wrap
around values concept. I feel quite the same. I think
that when we separate emotional intimacy from physical intimacy, we
end up with transactional intimate. Well, it's not even intimate anymore,
is it. It becomes a transactional rather than intimate moment. It
takes away from the significance and even the sacredness of
(07:58):
that intimate moment by simply making it performative recreational. I
don't think that we should be separating emotion emotional intimacy
from what we might call physical intimacy, and yet that's
what we typically do when we have a birds and
bees conversation. So let's step into that for a minute.
How do you convey that these wrap around ideas and
(08:19):
values in a book that's written for eight to twelve
year olds to literally pick up and flick through themselves
to get this information as much as we want parents
to read it with them.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Lovely, and this comes from our heart first, doesn't it. It
comes from who we are, And it's counter to a
lot of the imagery that they're seeing in the movie.
So their idea of what sex is is coming from
a lot of like quick grabs and flicks that they're
even getting in advertising or little snippets they're seeing in
the movies. So it is really when you're starting to
(08:52):
actually sit next to a kid and actually explain the
details of it. A lot of kids are going, I
never want that to happen to my body. And one
of the biggest things I actually say back to kids is,
you know what the best news is, if you don't
ever want that to happen to your body, you don't
have to because guess what, anything to do with sense
is one hundred percent your choice, and you don't have
to make that decision now. This is a decision you
(09:14):
make when you are much, much, much older, because neither
your body or your heart is ready to make that
decision right now.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (09:22):
In the interest of preserving anonymity for my children, but
still sharing a great story. Just in the last couple
of weeks, one of my children, who is definitely in
an age group where it's appropriate to be having curiosity
and conversations in this in this vein, just said to me,
I can't believe. I can't believe that that's what you
and mum had to do so that we could be conceived.
(09:44):
And she just said, I really like She was honest.
She said, I'm curious and I'm interested, but I really
really don't like anything about this right now. And I
looked at her and I gave her a great big
hug and I said, and that's just right for you
right now. At some point that will change, but right now,
that's where you should be, and let's celebrate that. And
(10:05):
you can still ask me anything. We can still talk
about anything, because the curiosity is natural and normal and
I'd rather you ask me than ask Google.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
And justin I love that. And when I stand up
in front of say, just say grade sixers and they
feel awkward and they feel nervous, and you know, they're
all like, oh, what she's going to say? I actually
really validate that feeling. And I say, I'm so glad
you feel like that, because that feeling right there is
actually designed to protect you in life. If a stranger
(10:35):
was in front of you wanting to talk to you
about your body or anything to do with sex, and
if it was anyone other than a safe, trusted person
who had like I have to tell I tell them
that I've had to get signed off by you know,
the Australian government to be able to speak about this
in schools, and then your parents have had to say
(10:56):
that they believe I'm a trusted adult. And then I
have to have peaches in this room who are going
to listen to every word and they are going to
fly down these aisles and grab me by the neck
and drag me out if I say one word wrong.
You know, I really hype it up because I want
them to know that it's a job that adults take
very seriously. And the reason why they're nervous is because
(11:20):
I'm about to step into a space that's very sacred,
and so I hope this book actually transfers that as well.
And the whole first chapter is about them becoming the
book boss, and the book boss actually gives them a
whole list of questions to work through with their trusted adults,
which gives them autonomy and choice over how they want
(11:43):
to have these conversations.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Perfect, Yeah, And I think that to me was actually
a really important start point. So I actually say to them,
you know, how do you want to read this book?
Choose your level of privacy. Do you want to have
a look at this book first by yourself or with
you like to read it side by side with your
trusted adults. How are you most comfortable find the best time?
(12:06):
You know, where do you want to actually read the book,
Let's talk about how you might handle any big feelings now.
So in other words, I meet kids that when they
actually do read parts of the book, they might go
away and actually do feel a little bit anxious, And
I want them to have a plan for that now.
So let's agree together. I say here that if you
(12:27):
have any awkward feelings that you're not just going to
talk to a friend or someone who is at school.
Friends are great for playing computer games, but not great
for answering life's important questions. So we go through that
before we start making it memorable. How about this one?
If you're going to have a special grown up conversation,
you may as well make it memorable. I personally think
(12:50):
hot chocolate and dunking biscuits will be the perfect addition
to this book. Or there's a grander idea. How about
an increase in your weekly pocket money in it exchange
for some talking time. Surely that's not too much to ask,
is it? What ideas do you have? So this is
stuff that they're actually negotiating with you, justin Colson, And
(13:10):
then one last thing, is there anything else on their mind?
So this is about ownership? Now that might seem in
some ways, surely they don't need to have this big
setup before we talk to them about the birds and
the bees. Yes, they do, because this is about consent,
This is about respect, This is about them having a say,
(13:34):
as an eight, nine, ten year old, and then we're
going to talk about the qualities of trusted adults, and
then we're going to lead into, you know, this soft
start where they're going to have such empowerment before we
get to some of the more heavy duty topics that
we need to.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
Michelle, when I have a look at what limited data
we have, and there's very little data on this that
I've been able to find, it seems that a lot
of parents are very uncomfortable to talk with their children
about this, and many parents would rather not do it
at all. There are also some cultural differences, Okay, so
people from one culture may be less likely to want
(14:14):
to have this conversation than people from other cultures.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Like this, this is a real thing. Why is that?
Speaker 3 (14:19):
I mean we over complicating it. Is it supposed to
be something that we're nervous about. Why are so many
parents so nervous about talking about intimacy, physical intimacy, emotional intimacy,
sexual intercourse, procreation.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
There's so many things we didn't get it modeled very well.
I think a lot of us have had bad sexual
experiences as well, and so you know that comes into play.
I think we don't want to get it wrong either,
and we're scared of not sort of knowing what to
say if our kids ask us an awkward question. I
think the cultural thing is real. In the book, I
(14:53):
talk about different talking styles that parents have, and I
say to the kids, it doesn't matter how your family
first to talk. Some families talk around the dinner table
openly and others talk really privately. As long as your
parents are talking, it doesn't matter how they're talking. And
I think that's a really important message for parents to
(15:14):
take away as well, because I meet a lot of
parents in my parent nights that just, you know, they
just say, look, we're not the kind of family that
would talk openly about this across the dinner table. And
I say to parents, you know what, as long as
you are talking to your kids, it is okay. I
say to parents, just please don't do this. Don't just
slap the book on their bed. Run for your life,
(15:35):
and say, please come to me if you have any questions.
That's normally what we I know, that's what we do.
But I think what we're doing is we're putting too
much responsibility on our kids shoulders when that really is
too much for them, especially in this day and age.
What we want to say is this book is an
extension of me. So we say, I've read this book.
(15:57):
I thought it was pretty funny. You know, Page a
hunter in fifty seven was my favorite. That's the mooning
page just then. I didn't even get one laugh out
of you about But tell me what you think of it.
Or you know, there's this talk at school coming up soon,
and how about you and I have some chats before
that talk comes to your school. You know, there's all
(16:19):
sorts of ways to sort of initiate this, but it's
just so we're not putting too much on our kids
shoulders at a time in their life where they're not ready.
You're not the research sense. If they haven't started asking
questions by the time they're ten, it's not that they
don't have questions, it's that they're too uncomfortable to ask.
So it's on us to open the door.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
Michelle, what I love about the puberty books is, I
know how to talk to my kids about this stuff.
But the books give me a framework, they give me
a structure, they give me a sequence, and they just
vibe so much leverage into the conversation. My sense is
that where the babies come from allows that same. It
(17:10):
changes the dialogue. It gives us the structure, It gives
us the direction, it gives us the It gives us
the thing to point out and say, hey, well, let's
talk about this page, or let's talk about this chapter,
let's talk about this theme. It changes the quality, the
tenor the experience of the conversation that we have with
our children. The other thing that really stands out to
me is important here is that, as you said, this
(17:31):
is a page, that this is a book with more
than one hundred and fifty pages in it, which means
that you can't really just sit down and say, all right,
well we've had the talk.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
No, and it's two hundred and fifty justin and kids
can come back to this time and time again. Now
remember it's broken up with comics. There's really big size
font there's a little bit on cyber safety, there's a
little bit on sexual consent and body safety. So it's
got these wrap around values in it as well. There's
a lot about like you know, the three trimesters and
(18:02):
the baby growing, and it's really cute and fun, but
it's stuff that kids can dip in and out of.
And I think when we just talk to kids and
they can't dip in and out of that and refresh
their memory and come back to the facts quite as easily.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
I'm an ambassador for the federal Government's Consent Can't Wait campaign,
and you've raised consent a couple of times in this discussion.
So let's say that we're talking about eight to Twelve's right,
these are kids who they're far too young to be
involved in any kind of physical intimacy, but the consent
conversation still matters. And the overwhelming data that we see
through the federal government's campaign and their research is that
(18:40):
parents don't know how to talk about consent generally, but
they especially don't know what to say to younger children
because they feel like consent is only about physical intimacy.
They don't realize that concent is a much broader conversation.
So how are you introducing it in the book and
what can parents do in that specific zone? Because it
is to me the most important conversations we can be
(19:01):
having right now.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
To me, it's a much broader conversation than anything to
do with sex, and it's almost it's almost a completely
separate conversation that then heats up as our kids get older.
But even those small things like giving our kids, you know,
that real say in you know, making sure they're have
(19:24):
the same weather, to keep their bathroom door closed when
they're having a shower, or it's not okay for their
little brother to walk in and out of the room
if they're getting changed. It's simple things like that in
our house that sometimes we're like, oh, it's not a
big deal, but our kids hit eleven and get really
self conscious and it is a really big deal to them.
(19:45):
And I think it's just making sure that our kids
get that voice and that say and that respect the
moment that they vocalize it in our homes. I think
that's very on a very practical level. When I'm speaking
to kids in schools, make sure that they are really
clear that sex is not for kids. It's for someone
that you love, trust, and it's a very private thing
(20:08):
because it involves your body. And you can imagine how
serious that is and because they're imagining then their physical body,
they're actually feeling the weight of that. And I want
them to know that their bodies are important. I want
them to know that they're valuable. And the moment kids
are ready to get this information update and they really
(20:30):
digest the seriousness of that, that's the moment that I
think they're ready to really understand that, hey, your precious
body needs to be protected and that there gives you
an inroad to have some of those conversations.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Yeah, I love this.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
One of the one of the consent conversations that I
lean on pretty heavily is that when my daughters were young,
obviously six daughters, so I'd take them for a bath
right like they it's time for bath, and Kylie would say,
can you go and scrub the kids because I'm doing
this thing or that thing there.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
We were out numbered, so I would do whatever I
was asked to do.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
And as a father, as much as some people might
raise their eyes eyebrows at this, I used to love
bathing my kids like it was sacred time. I got
to be with them and there's that skin to skin
and it's.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Just really really great.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
So as they got older and I no longer had
to bath them with the same level of input, I'd
still have to be there to keep them safe. And
then as they got older again I was just there
basically to make sure they scrubbed themselves, because sometimes they'd
sit in the bath for twenty five minutes and never
touch the soap. But even from a young age, I
would say to them, Okay, would you like to scrub
yourself or do you want dad to do it? And
(21:39):
specifically around their private part to their body, I would say,
would you like to scrub there or would you like
dad too? And I just sort of highlight to parents
this is consent. You're just checking in is it okay
for me to do this or would you rather? How
do you want this to play out? Now with adolescents
and kids in their twenties, I will get consent before
(22:01):
I share my opinion. So I say, hey, I've got
an idea. Would you be open to hearing it or
would you rather that I keep this one to myself.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
I think that's actually very very good with girls too,
and knowing you too, justin knowing you, I think that's
a very good idea.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Because I do like to share my opinions, right that's
what you're saying. I got the feeling that's what you're
pointing at. But what I find as well is that
once consent is given, there's just a wonderful acceptance. There's
a respect, there's an openness, and it works. Consent is
about so much more than just what happens between two
(22:37):
people in a physical a physical way. I'm really glad
that you shared what you did there, Michelle. I have
a couple of other quick questions for you about what's
in the book. There's a really big part of this
book that is about identity. Now, before I ask you
about why. Many years ago, when I put together my
Resilience presentation, the first thing that I've put in there
(22:59):
was kids need to know who they are. They need
to know whose they are, They need to understand their
family story, they need to know their identity. Because the
more they know who they are, the more resilient they're
able to be, the stronger they can be. They've got
roots that will hold them in place when those fierce
winds blow. Every time I share that, people kind of go, oh, yeah,
I would thought resilience was about doing hard things, But
(23:21):
when you know who you are, that works in the
context of teaching kids about procreation.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
Where does identity fit? Why did you put that there?
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Oh, And there's a difference between where babies come from
and your family story, and it is and in the
context of respective people, in the context of consent, in
the context of some of these values we've been talking about.
Even when a child walks into a classroom of twenty
seven other kids, they actually have to understand that everyone
(23:52):
has a different story. I have some really dear friends
that have adopted to beautiful boys, and they are at
the age where they were ready to have this conversation
in an information update type of way with their boys,
and I wanted to make sure this was a book
that those boys. I'm going to cry justin that those
(24:14):
boys would just feel just as loved, just as respected,
and just as valued and honored as any other child
on the planet. And their those boys' mother was too
ill to take care of them. And you know, they
were from a third world country, and so much trauma
(24:37):
for a child to come out of. Why would you
ever want a conversation like this to add to their trauma.
So every page of this book, in my mind, I'm
reading it through the eyes of a child who had
complex family stories. And you know my working history justin
(24:57):
you know that I've worked with a child's safety, i
worked with refugee families. I've worked with so many diverse
family situations, and I want to honor every child. And
so I guess there's three superstars in the story. There's
a uterus, there's an egg, and there's a sperm. But
then there's a family story that wraps around that. And
the trusted adults in children's lives are the real heroes
(25:21):
that love and bring the security and safety around a
child's life. And there's fifty questions that kids answer in
a part of this book, like a journal activity, and
I tell them that these questions are really tricky and
it's unlikely that they're going to get an answer to
every single one of these questions. But for some kids,
(25:42):
they're going to be on like a bit of a
treasure hunt to see how much that they can find
out about who they are with the help of the
adults in their lives.
Speaker 3 (25:50):
Really appreciate sharing that, Michelle. As as we draw this
conversation to a close, I want to pick up on
a theme that underscored much of what you just said
and that is the role of parent, the need for
parents to provide security and safety and to support their
children as they figure out who they are and they
embark on what will ultimately hopefully be a really fulfilling
(26:14):
and joyful experience with physical and emotional intimacy in the
sexual component of their lives.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Can you just talk a little bit.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
More about the role of parents and for those children
who for various reasons may not have access to parents
to guide them here the role of carers and other
significant and important and trusted adults in children's lives. In
terms of how this conversation plays out.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
Yeah, I mean, you take values away from a child,
you take those anchor points away from a child, and
you just knock the legs out of decision making in
the most critical times in the years of their life.
And I guess resources like this in some ways are
my I don't know, subconscious way of trying to be
(27:06):
there in spaces and places of kids' lives where maybe
they have half present adults. Maybe in some way they
can read my words and it fills a gap in
their lives that an adult can't feel for whatever reason,
in that child's life at that time. I feel like parents,
anythink that you can do to instill and transfer strong
(27:31):
values in these years between say eight to twelve, before
they hit those teenage years are completely irreplaceable. You can't
you can't get those years back once they hit thirteen, fourteen, fifteen.
At least they have a blueprint which, now, whether you
like it or not, they're going to make some of
their own decisions based around and on and up against
(27:55):
them through that that blueprint stays with them forever. And
these years are so open, you know, it's a second
rapid time of growth in their life as opposed to toddlerhood.
Their brains developing at the speed of lightning between eight
and twelve, and they're absorbing your values at such a
quick pace.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
One quick observation as you say that, it springs to
mind that I rarely get excited about having a conversation
with my children about these kinds of topics, and yet
the opportunity to share, the opportunity to listen, the opportunity
to impart those values generally turns those conversations into some
(28:38):
of the most delightfully unexpected positive experiences and positive reactions
that I've ever had.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
With my children. I actually really love these conversations.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
And justin, guess what you could swap this topic up for.
I don't care less, But this is about connecting with
your kid, right and this is just a tool in
the vehicle. Can I just share one beautiful thing that
a mum said to me just a few weeks ago.
She came up to me and she said her daughter
had said had been really nervous about this conversation. And
(29:09):
after the book and after the conversation, she came to
a mom and she said, Mom, thank you for buying
me that book, and thank you for talking to me.
And Mom, can we keep this book? And when I
have a daughter, I'm going to have this conversation with
my daughter and I'm going to use this book. And
I just went on just loving this. And it's because
(29:29):
the moment mattered. It doesn't matter whether you're talking about
birds and bees or whatever. It's the moment that matters.
And if this matters for your child right now, show
up and do it well and make sure growing up's fun.
That's what I reckon. Justin, I want parents to know
(29:49):
that there's all sorts of information about assisted reproductive therapy
as well, because that's such a big part of a
lot of kids journey. That's just the only thing that
I think we didn't mention, But I think think we
covered so much ground here.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
I've loved the conversation. The book is called Where do
Babies Come From? And Other Questions? At eight twelve year
odds ask you've sold tens of thousands of copies of
this book already. I'm a little bit slow to the
party getting you on the podcast, and the book's been
out for a little while now, but we will link
to it in the show notes, and hopefully there'll be
another bunch of a huge bunch of people who are
listening to pod and saying, oh, yeah, I need some
guidance here. This is exactly the book that we need
(30:23):
in our home. We love having it on and on
our bedside table and giving our kids access to it.
This podcast conversation has prompted me to pull it out
and go through it, even with a couple of my
bigger kids, because it's been a while since we've had
some of those conversations, and I just think there's so
much value in the book. Michelle Mitchell, author of Where
Do Babies Come From, as well as both the Girls
(30:44):
and the Guys Guide to Puberty and Tweens.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Thank you so much for being on a Happy Family podcast.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
Thank you, Page one five seven mooning.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
Oh go on, I'll go and have a special look
at that page as soon as I've finished conversation. I'm
so glad that you got Mileageadam, and that makes me
happy to know that you were happy.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
Pretty It's a bit of a slow start. We have
to kind of warm it up now.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Yeah, you made up for it. It was really great.
Speaker 3 (31:10):
Thanks for being with Mi Michelle, and I'm sure that
this book's going to be so helpful so many families.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
Thanks Justin.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
The Happy Families Podcast is produced by Justin Roland from
Bridge Media. We will link to these resources in the
show notes as promised, and if you'd like more information
and more resources generally about making your family happier, Happy
Families dot com, dot a
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