June 8, 2025 • 14 mins
“I Don’t Like Playing with My Kids” – Why Play Still Matters
If the idea of playing Barbies or dragons makes you groan… you’re not alone.
In this episode, Justin and Kylie tackle a parenting confession that many are afraid to admit: “I don’t like playing with my kids.” Drawing from emotional intelligence research and real-life experience, they unpack why play matters (even if it’s not your favourite), how to make it meaningful and manageable, and why it’s one of the simplest ways to build connection, confidence, and emotional regulation in your child.
KEY POINTS
- Play is not a luxury—it’s essential.
Play builds emotional intelligence, connection, and social skills better than almost anything else. - It’s not about doing it ‘right’.
Play works best when it’s spontaneous, simple, and mutually enjoyable—not when it’s forced or scripted. - The emotional impact is profound.
Play regulates emotions, reduces tension, strengthens relationships, and helps kids feel seen, heard, and valued. - The secret is in the interaction.
What makes play powerful is the back-and-forth: the jokes, the giggles, the shared creativity—not the activity itself. - A little goes a long way.
Just 5–10 minutes of intentional play can fill your child’s emotional cup and help them play independently afterwards.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“Play is not about perfection—it’s about connection and presence.”
RESOURCES MENTIONED
- Happy Families Membership – parenting tools & webinars
- happyfamilies.com.au – resources for raising emotionally intelligent kids
- Ethan Kross, Shift
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
- Find a 5–10 minute window each day
You don’t need hours. Commit to short, fully present bursts of play—no phones, no multitasking. - Gamify the mundane
Turn routines into playful challenges: “Can you hop to the bathroom on one foot?” or “Let’s race to tidy up.” - Let your child lead
Ask: “How could we make this more fun?” Give them a sense of autonomy and watch their creativity bloom. - Prioritise connection over performance
You’re not there to entertain—you’re there to engage. Drop the pressure, enjoy the moment. - Repeat. Consistency is the win.
Over time, this builds emotional strength, stronger relationships, and memories that last.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Many moons ago, I had a little bit of a
public spat with the one and only Wonderful Mea Friedman,
who was on the record as saying I don't like
to play with my kids. She's basically saying the kid's boring,
they're not fun to play with. Fun is horrible, especially
when the kids are a little bit, even when they're bigger.
I don't want to play with them. They don't want
to play with me. It's really really difficult. It's I
(00:27):
don't know, And then you're exhausted, you're overworked, you burnt out,
you just kind of want to have a bit of
me time and the.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Kids want to play. But there are so many benefits
to it.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
And today we're going to talk about how we're supposed
to play with our kids, especially when we sometimes don't
want to and have a.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Bad attitude towards it.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Get a Welcome to The Happy Family's podcast, Real Parenting
Solutions every Day. This is Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast
where Justin and Kylie Colson, parents have six kids who
often want to play, and sometimes we're not that enthusiastic
about it ourselves.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Let's be honest.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
One of my faith things. Either, I understand where me
is coming from. And I think that a lot of times,
as adults, we're so caught up in the to do
list of our lives that we actually don't stop to
smell the roses. How kids are the perfect barometer to
help us do that, but we don't see it that way.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
So before we get into how to play with the kids,
I just want to make the argument about why play matters.
And you've got an early childcare background, you probably know
as much, if not more, about this than I do
as I do, but we've got to make the argument.
And this argument doesn't just count for little kids. This
is for big kids as well, teenagers, and even for
one another as adults. Being playful changes relationships. Being playful
(01:44):
changes life. And there's this great quote. I can't remember
who said it. I think it was a guy called
Rudolph Drikers, but I might be wrong on that.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
He said, play is the work of childhood.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Yeah, And I used to just go, Okay, that's a
really simple five or six word quote. Play is the
work of a seven word quote. But over time, as
I've learned more about play, I've realized the depth, Like
there's so much complexity. Yeah, so much complexity in that
beautiful simple statement.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
The fundamental principle I took away from my training in
early childhood all of those years ago, was just how
essential play is for our kids. But while I think
that most of us understand the importance of play for
our kids, we don't recognize the value that we play
(02:32):
a part in their play.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
So I'm going to extend it. I'm going to say,
sometimes we treat play like a luxury item. It's what
we do when we've got time, It's what we do
when we're in a special place, it's what we do
when the circumstances permit. But play is not a luxury item.
Play is an essense essential.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
And what we can talk about, the physical development, we
can talk about. There are so many different areas of
life where it overlaps. This is why it is the
work of childhood. The area that I want to zero
went in on today because we do a short podcasters
oriented towards coming up with solutions. I want to talk
about emotional intelligence. Play builds emotional intelligence. I do a
(03:08):
whole lot of webinars and seminars and presentations and keynotes
on emotional intelligence for executive leaders and for teachers and
for parents. So I'm just going to give a quick
definition of what emotional intelligence is. Emotional intelligence is when
you're aware of and regulating your own emotions, and you're
socially aware, so you can see how other people are feeling,
(03:28):
and then you can regulate or navigate or manage interactions
based on where you're at and.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Where other people are at.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Okay, So emotionally intelligent people recognize emotions, they react to others,
and they're able to manage relationships effectively as a result.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
And this it.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Requires regulation in ambition, that requires the ability to turn
your emotions up or down, and also not to manipulate,
but certainly work with other people's emotions when they're up
or down, and even bring them down or bring them
up appropriately, not in a coercive, horrible way, but in
a socially acceptable and desirable way. This is I think
emotional intelligence is foundational for success in life, the ability
(04:09):
to get along with people. Google's project Aristol years ago,
most successful teams people had high emotional intelligence.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
They knew how to work with each other.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
I just think when you think about the importance of
this and you think about our kids' school system. Oh,
we've literally completely turned it all on its head.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
So we're throwing a blanket over it.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I mean, there are plenty of teachers who are big
on play, but overwhelmingly.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Kids, our kids playtime has shortened, the equipment that's available
to them, and the activities that they're allowed to participate
in has massively re sure, like, just oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Last week I was at a school and I gave
the principle a bit of a hard time because we
were talking about the importance of risky play for kids.
And I called out to the audience and I just said, so,
what was your favorite piece of play equipment when you
were a kid? And somebody near the front straight away
just shouted out the tree. Yeah, the tree, which was
your answer when we talked about this on the plot
a couple of months ago or maybe a year ago.
And I just I made the comment, how many schools
(05:09):
in Australia literally, how many schools in Australia have trees
that kids can climb in at recess and lunch?
Speaker 3 (05:15):
They don't.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
It was actually the principal who put up his hand
and said, none, they don't. The answer is zero.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
One of the schools that our kids went to when
they were younger. It was only a handful of years ago.
They actually chopped the more down.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Right, like, because you can't have a tree branch falling
on somebody. There's too much liability. People are complaining that
kids lack social skills and they're blaming screens. But the
problem is the problem.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Is there isn't an alternative.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
That's right, they're not playing. They're not playing, so they
go to screens and that's what they're doing. So if
that's what emotional intelligence is, and play builds it better
than anything, we need to talk about a parent's play playbook.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Did I say that right? Parents?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Parents play?
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Parents play? Yeah, we need a playbook for parents play.
You know what I mean? That made sense? I got
that right.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Look at the times in our home where there is
contention and tension, and it's amazing what happens when someone
just chucks the honey.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
As opposed to chucks of wablick.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Yeah, yes, somebody makes a joke or kind of. One
of the easiest ways to change the tide in our
house is literally, did I see a smile?
Speaker 1 (06:24):
I do that to the kids all the time, and
they hate it, but they love it because it's playful.
It's not snide, it's not nasty, it's did I just
see a smile?
Speaker 3 (06:34):
And it's not get over yourself. It's literally like, come on,
we can move through this. Yeah, we don't have to
hold on to it. We don't need to see. It
doesn't work.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
All the time. It doesn't work all the time.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Here's what I would put into the parents' playbook for
play with the kids, Number one, and again with fifteen
year olds, and with five year olds, and with two
year olds, and with twenty two year olds and even
with each other.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Number one.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
It's got to be dynamic and in the moment, like
when you try to structure it sometimes it feels more
like a burden or a chore.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
I agree.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Number two.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Where you are doesn't matter. It can be in the playground,
it could be in the kitchen. It could be in
on the trampoline. It can be in the car, it
can be walking down the street with a puppy dog
on a leash. Anywhere works so long as you've got
a playful mindset and the other person is consenting and
along with it. I think the key ingredient when it
comes to really high quality play is actually there are two.
It's going to be playful for both of you. So
(07:23):
when Mia Friedman was saying I don't like playing with.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
My kids, she's probably saying I don't want to sit
down on the mat and play Barbie Dolls with her
for the fifteenth deeenth.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
I don't want to do this imaginary thing where we
talk about dragons and dinosaurs. Yah.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
And I've got to put on voices and I'm going
to wear a silly wig and yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
That's not play, that's work.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Whereas play when it's both of you, there's a linguistic
back and forth, there's a toggle that engages creativity. There's
a playful attitude and the play.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
And it no longer feels like work because it's about connection.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Well, it's about connection seen Hurd and value. That's mission right,
But specifically, when you think about the most fun play,
and I feel like I'm having a bit of an
insight live as we have this conversation. The most playful
we feel is when we are conversing. So you might
be playing barbies, or you might be playing footy or
(08:18):
ping pong, but it's not the activity. It's the linguistic
back and forth. It's the conversation that makes it playful.
You and I can be having a playful game of
ping pong, or we can be breeding threatening rantings at
one another as we try to defeat each other.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
One of them is playful, one of them is not.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
We can be in the kitchen and we can be
playfully doing the dishes, or we can be getting annoyed
because I can't believe how many dishes there are and
I'm tired. So play is about the attitude we bring,
and it's about the linguistic back and forth. To me,
those are the essential elements of the playbook.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
If I was going to add anything, it would be
for parents to remember that this doesn't have to be
this big, long, convoluted experience.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Right buckleey in, we're playing for the next three hours.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
You spend five or ten minutes with your kids in
a fun, interactive interaction that does wonders for them and
for the relationship that you share. I love the idea
of making them the center of your world. You've talked
about this multiple times. The idea of what does your
face say when you see them? You know you do
(09:35):
you light up when they walk into the room. If
they feel that, that's instant connection.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I'm just thinking about what you've said there, not so
much about making them the center of the universe and
you're face lighting up, although that is part of this.
But when you sit down, I want to go back
to your five or ten minute idea. When you sit
down and just say I'm going to commit to this
for five or ten minutes.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I'm going to be all in.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Even if you're not all in at the start, give
us solid five or ten minutes, and you start to
really enjoy yourself.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
It's about intention. I really think it's about intention. Too
often we're just kind of going through the motions. But
if we make an intentional decision I'm all in for
ten minutes or for five minutes. If you can't handle ten,
more times than not, you actually find that the time
disappears and it's not ten minutes, it's twenty or twenty five.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Then you sort of get into that flow of it.
I use this analogy all the time of the Space Shuttle.
To get into orbit, it takes ten minutes. It's got
to go twenty eight thousand kilometers an hour, But the
first minute, first ten seconds one hundred k's an hour,
first minute, one thousand k's an hour, the amount of
fuel that it goes through in those first few minutes.
But by the time it's doing twenty eight thousand k's
an hour and it hits orbit and it drops those
tanks and then it's in.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Orbit, it doesn't use any fuel at all. Really, when
it's in orbit, it only needs.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Enough fuel to come back to Earth once it's finished orbiting.
And I think play with the kids is the same.
You've just got to get in. You've just got to
get through that first ten seconds, that first one minute,
that first ten minutes, get.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Through that and you're in orbit. It becomes I'm going
to say, effortless.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
You get into the flow, you get into the moment,
and it's beautiful and Kylie, I think the most important
thing to highlight here is a lot of people say, well,
I don't have it, I don't have the energy, I'm exhausted,
I don't have the commitment, I'm not willing to do it.
And apart from that, what am I going to do?
Play with them all the time? You don't need to, Like,
once you get through that first ten, fifteen, twenty minutes,
if you need to pull yourself away. Your child's cup
(11:25):
is full and they're playing, and you can usually set
them up with other activities that don't involve screens and
they'll be fine. They'll be regulated because they've had you,
they've had all of you. It's worked for them.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
But I think there's another benefit that comes from it.
As adults, we don't actually recognize the power of play
in our own lives. We live busy, harried lives and
we've got this massive to do list, and we don't
realize the power of taking a break and finding something
to be joyful about. Connection and creative literally unlock energy.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
But it also unlocks your children's skills. We need to
wrap this up. Our podcast timing, we always go too long.
There's so much that we could talk about here, Like
we could literally do a two hour pot on this if.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
I was to give you some ideas. Yep, these are
really simple things and you're probably actually already doing them,
but don't recognize them as being playful. Bedtime, book reading,
spending time together at the end of the day, reading books, voices,
having conversations.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
And I don't even care if you want to rile
the kids up, just a little bit with some tickles
and some rough and tumble at bedtime, they will be okay.
Why because they feel connected and it's just good for them.
I'm just putting it out there. I know people don't
like it. I know it goes against all the sleep rules,
but I've found that with our kids, they've always been okay,
even if we've riled them up a little bit.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Making magic moments out of the mundane.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
You're really good at this. This is something that I've
never understood, never never quite gotten my head around.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
But you do this so well, whether it's you know,
can you hop on one foot to the bathroom? Can
you walk as quiet as a mouse as you go
and brush your teeth? Can you you blink all the
way to the car? Like? Whatever it is?
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Because it just doesn't work so well for seventeen year olds,
but the three year olds love it.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Just giving them a little action to do, and you're
increasing their capacity to kind of do tasks.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
So let's talk about what to do because our time
is up. This builds motional intelligence, it builds relationship foundations,
problem solving abilities, perspective taking skills. That's what play does.
That's why it's the work of childhood. Your task, your
task this week, because this is about you making your
family happier, is to find a five to ten minute
window each day this week where your child can have
(13:38):
your full attention and you can be playful. Just choose
a really mundane activity and gamify it. Maybe it's getting dressed,
maybe it's a car ride, maybe it's cleaning up the kitchen.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Or the living room or the bedroom.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
And let them lead, let them guide you support as
you say, Hey, how can we make this fun? This
is not about perfection. This is about connection and presence,
and I think you'll get really big returns, really big
returns from what is fundamentally a fairly small investment. Play
(14:11):
is not meant to be an overwhelming Oh my goodness,
I can't do it. It's one more thing on our list.
It's actually part of what we do to integrate happiness
into family life, and it helps kids to develop the
emotional skills that they need for life. So start small,
be consistent, watch their confidence and connection grow.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Thanks so much for listening.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
We'll be back tomorrow with another tricky question on the
Happy Families podcast. Happy Families Podcast is produced by Justin
Ruland from Bridge Media, and if you'd like more info
about making your family happier, you'll find it at happy
families dot com dot au
Many moons ago, I had a little bit of a
public spat with the one and only Wonderful Mea Friedman,
who was on the record as saying I don't like
to play with my kids. She's basically saying the kid's boring,
they're not fun to play with. Fun is horrible, especially
when the kids are a little bit, even when they're bigger.
I don't want to play with them. They don't want
to play with me. It's really really difficult. It's I
(00:27):
don't know, And then you're exhausted, you're overworked, you burnt out,
you just kind of want to have a bit of
me time and the.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Kids want to play. But there are so many benefits
to it.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
And today we're going to talk about how we're supposed
to play with our kids, especially when we sometimes don't
want to and have a.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Bad attitude towards it.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Get a Welcome to The Happy Family's podcast, Real Parenting
Solutions every Day. This is Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast
where Justin and Kylie Colson, parents have six kids who
often want to play, and sometimes we're not that enthusiastic
about it ourselves.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Let's be honest.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
One of my faith things. Either, I understand where me
is coming from. And I think that a lot of times,
as adults, we're so caught up in the to do
list of our lives that we actually don't stop to
smell the roses. How kids are the perfect barometer to
help us do that, but we don't see it that way.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
So before we get into how to play with the kids,
I just want to make the argument about why play matters.
And you've got an early childcare background, you probably know
as much, if not more, about this than I do
as I do, but we've got to make the argument.
And this argument doesn't just count for little kids. This
is for big kids as well, teenagers, and even for
one another as adults. Being playful changes relationships. Being playful
(01:44):
changes life. And there's this great quote. I can't remember
who said it. I think it was a guy called
Rudolph Drikers, but I might be wrong on that.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
He said, play is the work of childhood.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Yeah, And I used to just go, Okay, that's a
really simple five or six word quote. Play is the
work of a seven word quote. But over time, as
I've learned more about play, I've realized the depth, Like
there's so much complexity. Yeah, so much complexity in that
beautiful simple statement.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
The fundamental principle I took away from my training in
early childhood all of those years ago, was just how
essential play is for our kids. But while I think
that most of us understand the importance of play for
our kids, we don't recognize the value that we play
(02:32):
a part in their play.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
So I'm going to extend it. I'm going to say,
sometimes we treat play like a luxury item. It's what
we do when we've got time, It's what we do
when we're in a special place, it's what we do
when the circumstances permit. But play is not a luxury item.
Play is an essense essential.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
And what we can talk about, the physical development, we
can talk about. There are so many different areas of
life where it overlaps. This is why it is the
work of childhood. The area that I want to zero
went in on today because we do a short podcasters
oriented towards coming up with solutions. I want to talk
about emotional intelligence. Play builds emotional intelligence. I do a
(03:08):
whole lot of webinars and seminars and presentations and keynotes
on emotional intelligence for executive leaders and for teachers and
for parents. So I'm just going to give a quick
definition of what emotional intelligence is. Emotional intelligence is when
you're aware of and regulating your own emotions, and you're
socially aware, so you can see how other people are feeling,
(03:28):
and then you can regulate or navigate or manage interactions
based on where you're at and.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Where other people are at.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Okay, So emotionally intelligent people recognize emotions, they react to others,
and they're able to manage relationships effectively as a result.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
And this it.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Requires regulation in ambition, that requires the ability to turn
your emotions up or down, and also not to manipulate,
but certainly work with other people's emotions when they're up
or down, and even bring them down or bring them
up appropriately, not in a coercive, horrible way, but in
a socially acceptable and desirable way. This is I think
emotional intelligence is foundational for success in life, the ability
(04:09):
to get along with people. Google's project Aristol years ago,
most successful teams people had high emotional intelligence.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
They knew how to work with each other.
Speaker 3 (04:17):
I just think when you think about the importance of
this and you think about our kids' school system. Oh,
we've literally completely turned it all on its head.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
So we're throwing a blanket over it.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
I mean, there are plenty of teachers who are big
on play, but overwhelmingly.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Kids, our kids playtime has shortened, the equipment that's available
to them, and the activities that they're allowed to participate
in has massively re sure, like, just oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Last week I was at a school and I gave
the principle a bit of a hard time because we
were talking about the importance of risky play for kids.
And I called out to the audience and I just said, so,
what was your favorite piece of play equipment when you
were a kid? And somebody near the front straight away
just shouted out the tree. Yeah, the tree, which was
your answer when we talked about this on the plot
a couple of months ago or maybe a year ago.
And I just I made the comment, how many schools
(05:09):
in Australia literally, how many schools in Australia have trees
that kids can climb in at recess and lunch?
Speaker 3 (05:15):
They don't.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
It was actually the principal who put up his hand
and said, none, they don't. The answer is zero.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
One of the schools that our kids went to when
they were younger. It was only a handful of years ago.
They actually chopped the more down.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Right, like, because you can't have a tree branch falling
on somebody. There's too much liability. People are complaining that
kids lack social skills and they're blaming screens. But the
problem is the problem.
Speaker 3 (05:38):
Is there isn't an alternative.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
That's right, they're not playing. They're not playing, so they
go to screens and that's what they're doing. So if
that's what emotional intelligence is, and play builds it better
than anything, we need to talk about a parent's play playbook.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Did I say that right? Parents?
Speaker 3 (05:53):
Parents play?
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Parents play? Yeah, we need a playbook for parents play.
You know what I mean? That made sense? I got
that right.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Look at the times in our home where there is
contention and tension, and it's amazing what happens when someone
just chucks the honey.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
As opposed to chucks of wablick.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Yeah, yes, somebody makes a joke or kind of. One
of the easiest ways to change the tide in our
house is literally, did I see a smile?
Speaker 1 (06:24):
I do that to the kids all the time, and
they hate it, but they love it because it's playful.
It's not snide, it's not nasty, it's did I just
see a smile?
Speaker 3 (06:34):
And it's not get over yourself. It's literally like, come on,
we can move through this. Yeah, we don't have to
hold on to it. We don't need to see. It
doesn't work.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
All the time. It doesn't work all the time.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Here's what I would put into the parents' playbook for
play with the kids, Number one, and again with fifteen
year olds, and with five year olds, and with two
year olds, and with twenty two year olds and even
with each other.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Number one.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
It's got to be dynamic and in the moment, like
when you try to structure it sometimes it feels more
like a burden or a chore.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
I agree.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Number two.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Where you are doesn't matter. It can be in the playground,
it could be in the kitchen. It could be in
on the trampoline. It can be in the car, it
can be walking down the street with a puppy dog
on a leash. Anywhere works so long as you've got
a playful mindset and the other person is consenting and
along with it. I think the key ingredient when it
comes to really high quality play is actually there are two.
It's going to be playful for both of you. So
(07:23):
when Mia Friedman was saying I don't like playing with.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
My kids, she's probably saying I don't want to sit
down on the mat and play Barbie Dolls with her
for the fifteenth deeenth.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
I don't want to do this imaginary thing where we
talk about dragons and dinosaurs. Yah.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
And I've got to put on voices and I'm going
to wear a silly wig and yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
That's not play, that's work.
Speaker 3 (07:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Whereas play when it's both of you, there's a linguistic
back and forth, there's a toggle that engages creativity. There's
a playful attitude and the play.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
And it no longer feels like work because it's about connection.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Well, it's about connection seen Hurd and value. That's mission right,
But specifically, when you think about the most fun play,
and I feel like I'm having a bit of an
insight live as we have this conversation. The most playful
we feel is when we are conversing. So you might
be playing barbies, or you might be playing footy or
(08:18):
ping pong, but it's not the activity. It's the linguistic
back and forth. It's the conversation that makes it playful.
You and I can be having a playful game of
ping pong, or we can be breeding threatening rantings at
one another as we try to defeat each other.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
One of them is playful, one of them is not.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
We can be in the kitchen and we can be
playfully doing the dishes, or we can be getting annoyed
because I can't believe how many dishes there are and
I'm tired. So play is about the attitude we bring,
and it's about the linguistic back and forth. To me,
those are the essential elements of the playbook.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
If I was going to add anything, it would be
for parents to remember that this doesn't have to be
this big, long, convoluted experience.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Right buckleey in, we're playing for the next three hours.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
You spend five or ten minutes with your kids in
a fun, interactive interaction that does wonders for them and
for the relationship that you share. I love the idea
of making them the center of your world. You've talked
about this multiple times. The idea of what does your
face say when you see them? You know you do
(09:35):
you light up when they walk into the room. If
they feel that, that's instant connection.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
I'm just thinking about what you've said there, not so
much about making them the center of the universe and
you're face lighting up, although that is part of this.
But when you sit down, I want to go back
to your five or ten minute idea. When you sit
down and just say I'm going to commit to this
for five or ten minutes.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
I'm going to be all in.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Even if you're not all in at the start, give
us solid five or ten minutes, and you start to
really enjoy yourself.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
It's about intention. I really think it's about intention. Too
often we're just kind of going through the motions. But
if we make an intentional decision I'm all in for
ten minutes or for five minutes. If you can't handle ten,
more times than not, you actually find that the time
disappears and it's not ten minutes, it's twenty or twenty five.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
Then you sort of get into that flow of it.
I use this analogy all the time of the Space Shuttle.
To get into orbit, it takes ten minutes. It's got
to go twenty eight thousand kilometers an hour, But the
first minute, first ten seconds one hundred k's an hour,
first minute, one thousand k's an hour, the amount of
fuel that it goes through in those first few minutes.
But by the time it's doing twenty eight thousand k's
an hour and it hits orbit and it drops those
tanks and then it's in.
Speaker 2 (10:43):
Orbit, it doesn't use any fuel at all. Really, when
it's in orbit, it only needs.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Enough fuel to come back to Earth once it's finished orbiting.
And I think play with the kids is the same.
You've just got to get in. You've just got to
get through that first ten seconds, that first one minute,
that first ten minutes, get.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Through that and you're in orbit. It becomes I'm going
to say, effortless.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
You get into the flow, you get into the moment,
and it's beautiful and Kylie, I think the most important
thing to highlight here is a lot of people say, well,
I don't have it, I don't have the energy, I'm exhausted,
I don't have the commitment, I'm not willing to do it.
And apart from that, what am I going to do?
Play with them all the time? You don't need to, Like,
once you get through that first ten, fifteen, twenty minutes,
if you need to pull yourself away. Your child's cup
(11:25):
is full and they're playing, and you can usually set
them up with other activities that don't involve screens and
they'll be fine. They'll be regulated because they've had you,
they've had all of you. It's worked for them.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
But I think there's another benefit that comes from it.
As adults, we don't actually recognize the power of play
in our own lives. We live busy, harried lives and
we've got this massive to do list, and we don't
realize the power of taking a break and finding something
to be joyful about. Connection and creative literally unlock energy.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
But it also unlocks your children's skills. We need to
wrap this up. Our podcast timing, we always go too long.
There's so much that we could talk about here, Like
we could literally do a two hour pot on this if.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
I was to give you some ideas. Yep, these are
really simple things and you're probably actually already doing them,
but don't recognize them as being playful. Bedtime, book reading,
spending time together at the end of the day, reading books, voices,
having conversations.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
And I don't even care if you want to rile
the kids up, just a little bit with some tickles
and some rough and tumble at bedtime, they will be okay.
Why because they feel connected and it's just good for them.
I'm just putting it out there. I know people don't
like it. I know it goes against all the sleep rules,
but I've found that with our kids, they've always been okay,
even if we've riled them up a little bit.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
Making magic moments out of the mundane.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
You're really good at this. This is something that I've
never understood, never never quite gotten my head around.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
But you do this so well, whether it's you know,
can you hop on one foot to the bathroom? Can
you walk as quiet as a mouse as you go
and brush your teeth? Can you you blink all the
way to the car? Like? Whatever it is?
Speaker 1 (13:04):
Because it just doesn't work so well for seventeen year olds,
but the three year olds love it.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
Just giving them a little action to do, and you're
increasing their capacity to kind of do tasks.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
So let's talk about what to do because our time
is up. This builds motional intelligence, it builds relationship foundations,
problem solving abilities, perspective taking skills. That's what play does.
That's why it's the work of childhood. Your task, your
task this week, because this is about you making your
family happier, is to find a five to ten minute
window each day this week where your child can have
(13:38):
your full attention and you can be playful. Just choose
a really mundane activity and gamify it. Maybe it's getting dressed,
maybe it's a car ride, maybe it's cleaning up the kitchen.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
Or the living room or the bedroom.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
And let them lead, let them guide you support as
you say, Hey, how can we make this fun? This
is not about perfection. This is about connection and presence,
and I think you'll get really big returns, really big
returns from what is fundamentally a fairly small investment. Play
(14:11):
is not meant to be an overwhelming Oh my goodness,
I can't do it. It's one more thing on our list.
It's actually part of what we do to integrate happiness
into family life, and it helps kids to develop the
emotional skills that they need for life. So start small,
be consistent, watch their confidence and connection grow.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Thanks so much for listening.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
We'll be back tomorrow with another tricky question on the
Happy Families podcast. Happy Families Podcast is produced by Justin
Ruland from Bridge Media, and if you'd like more info
about making your family happier, you'll find it at happy
families dot com dot au
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