It’s one of the hardest — and most important — conversations parents can have: teaching kids about consent. In this episode of the Happy Families Podcast, we break down the powerful lessons from Parental Guidance season 3, episode 2, including insights from consent educator Dan Principe. From why consent conversations can’t wait, to the right age to start, to how to empower kids without shame or fear — we’ll help you get comfortable having uncomfortable conversations, and raise kids who understand respect, boundaries, and healthy relationships.
KEY POINTS
- Why consent education starts “before age two” — and why “early and often” matters.
- The startling reality: 15–19 year old girls are the largest group of sexual assault victims; 15–19 year old boys are the largest group of perpetrators.
- Why old-school “guns and shovels” attitudes harm more than they help.
- The role of ongoing, informal and formal family conversations about tricky topics.
- The three E’s: Explore, Explain, Empower — the simple framework for any difficult talk.
- How social media and “sharing” require kids’ consent too — even within the family.
- The risk of silence: what happens when kids don’t feel safe coming to their parents.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
"We need to get comfortable being uncomfortable — because no young person should feel like their curiosity or desires are shameful." — Dan Principe
RESOURCES MENTIONED
- Dan Principe: Consent educator and speaker (recommended for schools)
- Federal Government’s Consent Can’t Wait campaign (Justin as ambassador)
- More parenting resources at: happyfamilies.com.au
- Watch Parental Guidance seasons 1–3 on 9Now
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
1. Start the conversation early — even before they understand the words, practice being open and clear.
2. Commit to ongoing “early and often” chats — not just one big talk.
3. Schedule regular family check-ins to discuss tricky topics.
4. Use the three E’s: Explore what they know and feel, Explain what’s important, Empower them to make good decisions.
5. Check in on consent within your own family dynamics — ask before sharing kids’ stories or images online.
6. Drop the fear-based jokes and attitudes — empower kids with respect and tools, not shame or threats.
7. Remind yourself: if they don’t learn it from you, they’ll learn it somewhere else.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Today, the conversation is all about consent, peer pressure and
parental Guidance. Season three, Episode two. Welcome to the Happy
Families Podcast, Real parenting Solutions every Day. This is Australia's
most downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Coulson. Kylie,
the long standing struggle that is pushing kids to the edge,
(00:26):
according to the primo of Parental Guidance Season three, looking
at peer pressure. Yesterday we talked about what was going
on here. We've got Amy and Mark, our active parents.
We've got Nathan and Joe, Ann our traditional parents, our
protech parents, Courtney and John, and our upfront parents, Mark
and Tammy. I want to set the scene for today's conversation.
(00:47):
The challenge was this, have parents been having consent conversations
with their kids? Do they know how to have the
consent conversation? Let's have a listen to what the expert
had to say about it.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
For this one, we've brought an extra expert to help
review how you went. Joining us in the parent Lounge
is consent educator Daniel Prince shapeI perhaps we could just
start by explaining the work that you do and why
consent is so important.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
I work with young people, young men predominantly across Australia,
helping them make sense of the messages that they get
about consent, respect and sex.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
Dan, how big is the problem when it.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Comes to young people? And something that keeps me up
at night is that fifteen to nineteen year old girls
are the biggest victims of sexual assault in our nation.
And the flip side of that very unfortunate coin is
that fifteen to nineteen year old boys are the biggest
perpetrators of sexual violence in our nation. Now, I do
(01:49):
this work because that's not who I believe young boys are.
I don't believe they're wired that way. Something's clearly gone
wrong and how they understand relationship, sex, power, consents. Our
job to help prevent that and help them actually know
what is a healthy relationship.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Before we play anything more from the episode, I just
have to highlight this for any school teachers, any school principles,
anybody who is listening, who is looking for someone to
talk at school about masculinity and helping boys. I do
not know anyone I can recommend more than Dan Prince Pate.
He is one of my favorite people to talk to
(02:27):
about this topic. He's so wise, he's so articulate. I
just love listening to him. I wish we could have
just played the entire episode as the conversation that Dan
had in that room, because he sat there for about
an hour and everybody listened with rapt attention to everything
he had to say.
Speaker 5 (02:44):
I would have loved to have been in that room.
Like just the small snippets that we got of him
on the show were so punchy.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Totally, let's have it. Listen to what happened with the
protech parents.
Speaker 6 (02:53):
Our challenge is to talk to you guys about consent.
You could get consent to touch Dad. Did you ask
him for I didn't, but I married him.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
It's fine.
Speaker 6 (03:05):
Later on, you might have a girlfriend and you might
want to kiss her, and then you would have to
ask or consent to do that. You would have to
make sure she's comfortable.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Right.
Speaker 7 (03:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (03:17):
With so many domestic violence cases, I feel like the
responsibility as a parent of two boys is to raise
the boys to be respectful towards not only women, but everybody.
If you've kissed someone before, does that mean you've agreed
to kiss them every time one of you feels like it.
Speaker 8 (03:37):
No, it's just permission, Like for example, can I have
your consent to film you?
Speaker 4 (03:44):
Yeah, that's a way of asking.
Speaker 6 (03:45):
That's a big one in this house, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
Yeah, that you do not apply. Do your kids like
being on social media? I knew you'd do that.
Speaker 6 (03:57):
Yes, they do, they do. We check with the often.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
I check weekly.
Speaker 6 (04:02):
Actually, do you still like being on my TikTok? Do
you want to do my TikTok?
Speaker 9 (04:05):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
But maybe they're just trying to say yes because you're
their mom that I want to let you down.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
But I don't. In that video, I don't feel like
he really wanted to.
Speaker 5 (04:13):
This was actually quite interesting to me, obviously having a
podcast about parenting and family life. Actually we talk about
our kids on the podcast all the time.
Speaker 7 (04:26):
We do.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
It's called sharing about to.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
Say, it's called charingon. But I do believe there's a
really fine line between sharing our children's lives and getting
their consent around it. I know, in the early days,
when they were quite young, we were obviously very free
with the conversations that we shared. We named them that
you could say, named and shamed. But as they've gotten
(04:53):
older and they have their own social media presence, we've
become a lot more guarded about what we share, how
we share it, and for the most part, we're often
very delicate about not naming them.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
We're pretty careful about what we disclosed, and if we
do disclose stuff, we always ask permission. Right, Hey, today
on the podcast, guys, we want to record a conversation
about that thing that happened. Are you cool with the
sharing that?
Speaker 5 (05:18):
And they'll always listen to the cart at the other
end totally and they do love it. One of the
tricky conversations we had recently on the podcast the daughter involved.
She got in the car and she went straight to
find it.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Yeah, what did you say? You told me you were
going to say it. Did you do the right thing
by me?
Speaker 5 (05:36):
And I was sitting there with baited breath the whole time,
and she couldn't help it. There was just this massive
grin on her face. And at the end, I said,
did we do okay? Did we keep your identity sufficiently blurred?
And she said yeah, I guess yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
So Nick and Sophia are our positivity parents. We haven't
really seen or heard much from them. Sofia is in
the I guess what is that a fluorescent green? Lime green?
I don't know what color it is, but that's a
pretty good the green dresscription. They have a massive social
media following as well, so it's quite interesting to see
the dynamic playing out here. Really important conversation and something
(06:13):
that research shows is a concern for children. We do
need to be mindful of that, and that is part
of the consent conversation. I'm really glad that they said
and did what they did around that. Let's have a
look at what happened with the traditional parents. This was
a moment.
Speaker 9 (06:27):
So what do you think consent is?
Speaker 8 (06:30):
Consents like asking permission to do something with the other person.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
It's just manage your traditional parents.
Speaker 7 (06:35):
We definitely try to protect them from adult themes as
much as possible.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
We're not intentionally trying to broach sex at this age.
Speaker 9 (06:44):
When you're kissing someone, it's important to check in before
doing something else with them.
Speaker 7 (06:54):
I may have a few concerns about the topics.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
We'll just have to take it as it comes.
Speaker 9 (06:58):
Don't want to talking about the sex.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
Doesn't like talking about the sex.
Speaker 7 (07:01):
Actually I don't really care, but maybe not with you
there too, and like, well, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
It's a bit weird.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
I love you.
Speaker 9 (07:10):
That's how they came to be well, yeah, but you know, check.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
Out the kids.
Speaker 8 (07:15):
If you kiss someone and they want to do that,
say they sit on a bed, you can stop it.
Speaker 4 (07:24):
And she's saying, she said, let us speak.
Speaker 8 (07:27):
I go, why are you saying on a bed? And
then they go, oh, I want to do this and
then they go no man and they can walk the
cool dad.
Speaker 9 (07:34):
Definitely call your dad.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
I like that.
Speaker 9 (07:37):
Definitely called dad because dad's got a shotgun and a shovel.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
Wow. How old are your daughters again? Twelve and fourteen?
Speaker 6 (07:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 10 (07:50):
I think that maybe you start to have some type
of conversation around consent and sex because it would be
around them, just so they don't feel so awkward.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
It was awkward. Yeah, I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 7 (08:09):
I don't really think anyone's one hundred percent comfortable having
a full blown chat about sex or their sex life
with their children.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Oh you're thinking what I'm thinking. Okay, we need to
take a break. After the break though, there is a
lot to cover about what just happened. All right, Kylie.
You and I we have six daughters. We have had
many conversations with our children about consent. They are ongoing.
(08:38):
I am an ambassador for the federal government's consent can't
Wait campaign? Can I just I really, I really love
all the families on the show, and I want to
honor and respect them and really celebrate their willingness to
get on a national TV show and put their parent
in front and center in the spotlight. I do need
to just pick on Nathan for a moment in twenty
(09:02):
twenty five. I believe that we have got to get
past this. I've got a gun and a shovel mentality
about our daughters dating. It's something that really belongs last century,
or even the century before. What we've got to do
instead is empower our children to look forward to what
is good about dating and give them the resources and
(09:23):
the tools that they need to navigate what can sometimes
be quite tricky and can be dangerous, some things can
cast a long shadow into the rest of their lives.
But if we give them those tools, then they can
navigate these these situations positively and have really great experiences.
And I think we want to be celebrating the positive
(09:43):
rather than coming out with guns and shovels.
Speaker 5 (09:47):
So Nathan and Joanne are alone in.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
This though, Oh no, not at all.
Speaker 5 (09:52):
And what I have seen too many times is parents
unwilling to have what they can say it are as
uncomfortable discussions and conversations with their children because it just
it feels yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah, and let's be really clear. I know some people
were sort of shrugging at them and going, come on, like,
let's be real. Your children are going to whatever. Everyone
knows their kids. And when I look at Nathan, Joanne
and their family and their kids, my take on this
is that in that family, they can probably push these
(10:29):
conversations out a little bit longer than many other families
because of the way they've protected their kids and made
their family safe.
Speaker 5 (10:36):
I don't know. I'm thinking about how their youngest daughter
responded to the AI bot in the first episode, and
she is a curious kid.
Speaker 10 (10:46):
I'm dating someone.
Speaker 8 (10:48):
Oh, you're dating someone.
Speaker 7 (10:50):
You're really gonna hate what I have to say next?
Speaker 3 (10:55):
WHI on?
Speaker 4 (10:56):
Okay, the person I'm dating ISAA.
Speaker 5 (11:02):
And the challenge we have when we don't empower our
children with the adequate information to curb their curiosity. If
we're not giving it to them, they're going to go
somewhere else.
Speaker 8 (11:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
And my other concern is if your kids are at school,
they are going to be exposed to stuff. Now again,
I would anticipate, based on what I'm seeing in this
family that these are the kinds of girls who'll say, oh,
that's not for me, and I'll just walk away wonderful,
But they will still be exposed and the conversations do
need to be had. So while I'm saying every family
is different, and some families you can probably push it
back a bit, I'm not saying you can avoid it,
(11:36):
and certainly with girls twelve and fourteen, these are conversations
that need to happen. So what I'd like to do
for the rest of this episode, with maybe just one
more clip from Dan prince Pay a little bit later,
is I want to talk about how we recommend managing
these conversations, the best approach, the questions that you need
(11:56):
to be prepared for, how specific you need to be,
and why being open and honest is best. I want
to start, though, with the question, what's the right age
to begin having these conversations? You know what my favorite
answer is to to this question before too have every
important conversation, that you need to have every tricky discussion
(12:19):
before the age of two.
Speaker 5 (12:21):
You know, it sounds so stupid, honestly, it sounds really stupid,
but I remember when I first found out that I
was pregnant, and I.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Didn't didn't know that was coming, but go ahead, yep,
sor I mean, I knew that I need to rethink
what I was saying. I mean, I didn't know that
you were going to talk about that. I definitely knew
that you were going to find out that you were pregnant.
I was heavily involved in that let's move on.
Speaker 5 (12:47):
And I remember having conversations with my belly in anticipation
of this beautiful, miracle child that was going to come
into our lives, and you know, those late feeds where
I would talk to her and share my hopes and
dreams for her and all of those kinds of things.
And it was just such a natural thing for me
(13:10):
to do, as I wanted to fill her heart, her mind,
and soul with all the goodness that I could. And
So while you kind of say tongue in cheek, I
actually think there's so much power in us having these
really tricky conversations with them. And it's like practice, right,
We're practicing with someone who can't talk back pretty much.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
And it also makes you more comfortable having the conversations,
and this whole idea of early and often early and
often early and often I've been repeating it like a
mantra for years here on this podcast. These conversations are
not one offs, like it's not one and done. It's
not well. We've had the consent conversation, We've had the
appropriation conversation, we've had the drugs conversation. That's not how
(13:54):
it works. That's why over the last few weeks we've
been emphasizing the new shift we've made in our family.
We've made it way too late. We needed to do
this a decade ago or more. But every Sunday now
we have a fifteen to twenty minute talk that often
goes for forty five to sixty minutes because the kids
are so talkative about tricky topics, about sometimes big things
and sometimes little things, about emotions or about intimacy, or
(14:16):
about consent, or about what to do when a boy
is putting pressure on you or sending you messages that
you don't want, or about hope, yeah, yeah, yeah, what
to look forward to. We had a conversation recently just
about the principles of well being. We've had conversations with
the kids about screens, but having these conversations regularly, in
both formal and informal ways, so our Sunday morning conversations
(14:38):
they're set in stone. The kids know what's happening. It's
an appointment, it's locked and loaded. But there's also all
those informal ones, like the day that one of our
kids climbed into the car after school and looked at
me and said, Dad, can we talk about STIs? And
it's like, we need to have this conversation. If you're
asking me, I'd rather you talk to me about it
than talk to Google about it or talk to YouTube
(15:00):
about it. We need to talk about this together. And
so what I mean when I say have all of
these conversations before the age of two is get used
to having the discussions and open your mouth and talk
about it, even if you're uncomfortable, because the kids are curious,
even if they say I don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
What I've been really grateful for is we have had
numerous conversations with our girls where they've come home and
shared challenges that their friends are experiencing and their friends
don't feel comfortable going to their parents.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
There's one that I have not told you about that.
One of our kids told us, you do know, really? Yeah,
so I haven't told you about it, but you know.
So a little while ago, one of our kids came
to me and said, I haven't told mom, and I
don't think mom should know. But one of my friends,
age fifteen, thinks that she's having a baby. She thinks
she's pregnant, and she can't talk to her parents about it.
(15:59):
What do I do?
Speaker 5 (16:00):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
And so having these the consequence of not having these conversations,
not having the trust in the relationship, can be that
your children can find themselves in some very challenging circumstances
and not know where to go for help.
Speaker 5 (16:14):
And then you knew that. The biggest challenge around that
is that they're receiving advice from other fifteen year olds
right who don't have the maturity or the understanding of
the implications of decisions made without someone with greater foresight
(16:36):
and experience and unconditional love for their child.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
I want to make light of what's just happened, even
though what we're talking about is a very serious thing.
I can't believe that I've decided to tell you that
I know about this thing on a podcast all this
time after finding out having kept it from you for
so long, only to find out that you know about
it and you didn't tell me about it. Maybe we
need to work on how communication a bit more as well. Fundamentally,
these conversations need to be simple, they need to be clear,
(17:03):
they need to be direct. Kids just want us to
be straight shooters. Nothing should be misconstrued, be open and honest.
I'm a really big fan of the three e's. Explore,
Explain empower.
Speaker 5 (17:14):
It never ceases to amaze me. We're looking for a
complicated answer.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
And it doesn't need to be.
Speaker 5 (17:19):
It actually doesn't need to be. And these three e's
are so powerful. Every conversation we have with our kids
ultimately comes back.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
To where are you up to? Here's what matters to us,
How we're going to fix this? Yeah, yep, explore explain
the power. Let's give Dan Prince pay the last word on.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
A humanize that.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
Yeah, it can be uncomfortable. I would just say that
one of the things that I think is just a
general good rule for everybody is like we need to
get comfortable getting uncomfortable, because I wouldn't want any young
person feeling like their desires or their curiosity is shameful.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
How good is that?
Speaker 7 (17:52):
All right?
Speaker 1 (17:53):
We need to wrap it up there. We keep on
going over time. This is such a fun conversation. I mean,
I just love what Parental Guidance offers parents as a resource. Yes,
I know that it's a reality TV entertainment, but it
is such a valuable resource. It's such a privilege to
be on the show. Tomorrow we're going to focus on
sending explicit text messages, sexting, sending nerds, whatever else you
(18:16):
would like to talk about it as it is happening.
We may prefer to think that it isn't happening, but
tomorrow we're going to have the uncomfortable conversation about kids
sharing naked pictures online. We really appreciate Justin rolland from
Bridge Media. He's the producer of the podcast. Craig Bruce
is our executive producer, and Mim Hammond's provides research and
(18:37):
admin support. More information and more resources about making your
family happier are available at Happy families dot com dot
au and if you'd like to catch up on Parental
Guidance seasons one, two, and three, you can stream them
now at nine Now. Episode three is back next Monday nights,
Today, the conversation is all about consent, peer pressure and
parental Guidance. Season three, Episode two. Welcome to the Happy
Families Podcast, Real parenting Solutions every Day. This is Australia's
most downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Coulson. Kylie,
the long standing struggle that is pushing kids to the edge,
(00:26):
according to the primo of Parental Guidance Season three, looking
at peer pressure. Yesterday we talked about what was going
on here. We've got Amy and Mark, our active parents.
We've got Nathan and Joe, Ann our traditional parents, our
protech parents, Courtney and John, and our upfront parents, Mark
and Tammy. I want to set the scene for today's conversation.
(00:47):
The challenge was this, have parents been having consent conversations
with their kids? Do they know how to have the
consent conversation? Let's have a listen to what the expert
had to say about it.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
For this one, we've brought an extra expert to help
review how you went. Joining us in the parent Lounge
is consent educator Daniel Prince shapeI perhaps we could just
start by explaining the work that you do and why
consent is so important.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
I work with young people, young men predominantly across Australia,
helping them make sense of the messages that they get
about consent, respect and sex.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
Dan, how big is the problem when it.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Comes to young people? And something that keeps me up
at night is that fifteen to nineteen year old girls
are the biggest victims of sexual assault in our nation.
And the flip side of that very unfortunate coin is
that fifteen to nineteen year old boys are the biggest
perpetrators of sexual violence in our nation. Now, I do
(01:49):
this work because that's not who I believe young boys are.
I don't believe they're wired that way. Something's clearly gone
wrong and how they understand relationship, sex, power, consents. Our
job to help prevent that and help them actually know
what is a healthy relationship.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
Before we play anything more from the episode, I just
have to highlight this for any school teachers, any school principles,
anybody who is listening, who is looking for someone to
talk at school about masculinity and helping boys. I do
not know anyone I can recommend more than Dan Prince Pate.
He is one of my favorite people to talk to
(02:27):
about this topic. He's so wise, he's so articulate. I
just love listening to him. I wish we could have
just played the entire episode as the conversation that Dan
had in that room, because he sat there for about
an hour and everybody listened with rapt attention to everything
he had to say.
Speaker 5 (02:44):
I would have loved to have been in that room.
Like just the small snippets that we got of him
on the show were so punchy.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Totally, let's have it. Listen to what happened with the
protech parents.
Speaker 6 (02:53):
Our challenge is to talk to you guys about consent.
You could get consent to touch Dad. Did you ask
him for I didn't, but I married him.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
It's fine.
Speaker 6 (03:05):
Later on, you might have a girlfriend and you might
want to kiss her, and then you would have to
ask or consent to do that. You would have to
make sure she's comfortable.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Right.
Speaker 7 (03:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (03:17):
With so many domestic violence cases, I feel like the
responsibility as a parent of two boys is to raise
the boys to be respectful towards not only women, but everybody.
If you've kissed someone before, does that mean you've agreed
to kiss them every time one of you feels like it.
Speaker 8 (03:37):
No, it's just permission, Like for example, can I have
your consent to film you?
Speaker 4 (03:44):
Yeah, that's a way of asking.
Speaker 6 (03:45):
That's a big one in this house, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
Yeah, that you do not apply. Do your kids like
being on social media? I knew you'd do that.
Speaker 6 (03:57):
Yes, they do, they do. We check with the often.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
I check weekly.
Speaker 6 (04:02):
Actually, do you still like being on my TikTok? Do
you want to do my TikTok?
Speaker 9 (04:05):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
But maybe they're just trying to say yes because you're
their mom that I want to let you down.
Speaker 4 (04:09):
But I don't. In that video, I don't feel like
he really wanted to.
Speaker 5 (04:13):
This was actually quite interesting to me, obviously having a
podcast about parenting and family life. Actually we talk about
our kids on the podcast all the time.
Speaker 7 (04:26):
We do.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
It's called sharing about to.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
Say, it's called charingon. But I do believe there's a
really fine line between sharing our children's lives and getting
their consent around it. I know, in the early days,
when they were quite young, we were obviously very free
with the conversations that we shared. We named them that
you could say, named and shamed. But as they've gotten
(04:53):
older and they have their own social media presence, we've
become a lot more guarded about what we share, how
we share it, and for the most part, we're often
very delicate about not naming them.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
We're pretty careful about what we disclosed, and if we
do disclose stuff, we always ask permission. Right, Hey, today
on the podcast, guys, we want to record a conversation
about that thing that happened. Are you cool with the
sharing that?
Speaker 5 (05:18):
And they'll always listen to the cart at the other
end totally and they do love it. One of the
tricky conversations we had recently on the podcast the daughter involved.
She got in the car and she went straight to
find it.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Yeah, what did you say? You told me you were
going to say it. Did you do the right thing
by me?
Speaker 5 (05:36):
And I was sitting there with baited breath the whole time,
and she couldn't help it. There was just this massive
grin on her face. And at the end, I said,
did we do okay? Did we keep your identity sufficiently blurred?
And she said yeah, I guess yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
So Nick and Sophia are our positivity parents. We haven't
really seen or heard much from them. Sofia is in
the I guess what is that a fluorescent green? Lime green?
I don't know what color it is, but that's a
pretty good the green dresscription. They have a massive social
media following as well, so it's quite interesting to see
the dynamic playing out here. Really important conversation and something
(06:13):
that research shows is a concern for children. We do
need to be mindful of that, and that is part
of the consent conversation. I'm really glad that they said
and did what they did around that. Let's have a
look at what happened with the traditional parents. This was
a moment.
Speaker 9 (06:27):
So what do you think consent is?
Speaker 8 (06:30):
Consents like asking permission to do something with the other person.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
It's just manage your traditional parents.
Speaker 7 (06:35):
We definitely try to protect them from adult themes as
much as possible.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
We're not intentionally trying to broach sex at this age.
Speaker 9 (06:44):
When you're kissing someone, it's important to check in before
doing something else with them.
Speaker 7 (06:54):
I may have a few concerns about the topics.
Speaker 4 (06:57):
We'll just have to take it as it comes.
Speaker 9 (06:58):
Don't want to talking about the sex.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
Doesn't like talking about the sex.
Speaker 7 (07:01):
Actually I don't really care, but maybe not with you
there too, and like, well, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
It's a bit weird.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
I love you.
Speaker 9 (07:10):
That's how they came to be well, yeah, but you know, check.
Speaker 4 (07:13):
Out the kids.
Speaker 8 (07:15):
If you kiss someone and they want to do that,
say they sit on a bed, you can stop it.
Speaker 4 (07:24):
And she's saying, she said, let us speak.
Speaker 8 (07:27):
I go, why are you saying on a bed? And
then they go, oh, I want to do this and
then they go no man and they can walk the
cool dad.
Speaker 9 (07:34):
Definitely call your dad.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
I like that.
Speaker 9 (07:37):
Definitely called dad because dad's got a shotgun and a shovel.
Speaker 4 (07:44):
Wow. How old are your daughters again? Twelve and fourteen?
Speaker 6 (07:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 10 (07:50):
I think that maybe you start to have some type
of conversation around consent and sex because it would be
around them, just so they don't feel so awkward.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
It was awkward. Yeah, I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 7 (08:09):
I don't really think anyone's one hundred percent comfortable having
a full blown chat about sex or their sex life
with their children.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Oh you're thinking what I'm thinking. Okay, we need to
take a break. After the break though, there is a
lot to cover about what just happened. All right, Kylie.
You and I we have six daughters. We have had
many conversations with our children about consent. They are ongoing.
(08:38):
I am an ambassador for the federal government's consent can't
Wait campaign? Can I just I really, I really love
all the families on the show, and I want to
honor and respect them and really celebrate their willingness to
get on a national TV show and put their parent
in front and center in the spotlight. I do need
to just pick on Nathan for a moment in twenty
(09:02):
twenty five. I believe that we have got to get
past this. I've got a gun and a shovel mentality
about our daughters dating. It's something that really belongs last century,
or even the century before. What we've got to do
instead is empower our children to look forward to what
is good about dating and give them the resources and
(09:23):
the tools that they need to navigate what can sometimes
be quite tricky and can be dangerous, some things can
cast a long shadow into the rest of their lives.
But if we give them those tools, then they can
navigate these these situations positively and have really great experiences.
And I think we want to be celebrating the positive
(09:43):
rather than coming out with guns and shovels.
Speaker 5 (09:47):
So Nathan and Joanne are alone in.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
This though, Oh no, not at all.
Speaker 5 (09:52):
And what I have seen too many times is parents
unwilling to have what they can say it are as
uncomfortable discussions and conversations with their children because it just
it feels yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Yeah, and let's be really clear. I know some people
were sort of shrugging at them and going, come on, like,
let's be real. Your children are going to whatever. Everyone
knows their kids. And when I look at Nathan, Joanne
and their family and their kids, my take on this
is that in that family, they can probably push these
(10:29):
conversations out a little bit longer than many other families
because of the way they've protected their kids and made
their family safe.
Speaker 5 (10:36):
I don't know. I'm thinking about how their youngest daughter
responded to the AI bot in the first episode, and
she is a curious kid.
Speaker 10 (10:46):
I'm dating someone.
Speaker 8 (10:48):
Oh, you're dating someone.
Speaker 7 (10:50):
You're really gonna hate what I have to say next?
Speaker 3 (10:55):
WHI on?
Speaker 4 (10:56):
Okay, the person I'm dating ISAA.
Speaker 5 (11:02):
And the challenge we have when we don't empower our
children with the adequate information to curb their curiosity. If
we're not giving it to them, they're going to go
somewhere else.
Speaker 8 (11:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
And my other concern is if your kids are at school,
they are going to be exposed to stuff. Now again,
I would anticipate, based on what I'm seeing in this
family that these are the kinds of girls who'll say, oh,
that's not for me, and I'll just walk away wonderful,
But they will still be exposed and the conversations do
need to be had. So while I'm saying every family
is different, and some families you can probably push it
back a bit, I'm not saying you can avoid it,
(11:36):
and certainly with girls twelve and fourteen, these are conversations
that need to happen. So what I'd like to do
for the rest of this episode, with maybe just one
more clip from Dan prince Pay a little bit later,
is I want to talk about how we recommend managing
these conversations, the best approach, the questions that you need
(11:56):
to be prepared for, how specific you need to be,
and why being open and honest is best. I want
to start, though, with the question, what's the right age
to begin having these conversations? You know what my favorite
answer is to to this question before too have every
important conversation, that you need to have every tricky discussion
(12:19):
before the age of two.
Speaker 5 (12:21):
You know, it sounds so stupid, honestly, it sounds really stupid,
but I remember when I first found out that I
was pregnant, and I.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Didn't didn't know that was coming, but go ahead, yep,
sor I mean, I knew that I need to rethink
what I was saying. I mean, I didn't know that
you were going to talk about that. I definitely knew
that you were going to find out that you were pregnant.
I was heavily involved in that let's move on.
Speaker 5 (12:47):
And I remember having conversations with my belly in anticipation
of this beautiful, miracle child that was going to come
into our lives, and you know, those late feeds where
I would talk to her and share my hopes and
dreams for her and all of those kinds of things.
And it was just such a natural thing for me
(13:10):
to do, as I wanted to fill her heart, her mind,
and soul with all the goodness that I could. And
So while you kind of say tongue in cheek, I
actually think there's so much power in us having these
really tricky conversations with them. And it's like practice, right,
We're practicing with someone who can't talk back pretty much.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
And it also makes you more comfortable having the conversations,
and this whole idea of early and often early and
often early and often I've been repeating it like a
mantra for years here on this podcast. These conversations are
not one offs, like it's not one and done. It's
not well. We've had the consent conversation, We've had the
appropriation conversation, we've had the drugs conversation. That's not how
(13:54):
it works. That's why over the last few weeks we've
been emphasizing the new shift we've made in our family.
We've made it way too late. We needed to do
this a decade ago or more. But every Sunday now
we have a fifteen to twenty minute talk that often
goes for forty five to sixty minutes because the kids
are so talkative about tricky topics, about sometimes big things
and sometimes little things, about emotions or about intimacy, or
(14:16):
about consent, or about what to do when a boy
is putting pressure on you or sending you messages that
you don't want, or about hope, yeah, yeah, yeah, what
to look forward to. We had a conversation recently just
about the principles of well being. We've had conversations with
the kids about screens, but having these conversations regularly, in
both formal and informal ways, so our Sunday morning conversations
(14:38):
they're set in stone. The kids know what's happening. It's
an appointment, it's locked and loaded. But there's also all
those informal ones, like the day that one of our
kids climbed into the car after school and looked at
me and said, Dad, can we talk about STIs? And
it's like, we need to have this conversation. If you're
asking me, I'd rather you talk to me about it
than talk to Google about it or talk to YouTube
(15:00):
about it. We need to talk about this together. And
so what I mean when I say have all of
these conversations before the age of two is get used
to having the discussions and open your mouth and talk
about it, even if you're uncomfortable, because the kids are curious,
even if they say I don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
What I've been really grateful for is we have had
numerous conversations with our girls where they've come home and
shared challenges that their friends are experiencing and their friends
don't feel comfortable going to their parents.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
There's one that I have not told you about that.
One of our kids told us, you do know, really? Yeah,
so I haven't told you about it, but you know.
So a little while ago, one of our kids came
to me and said, I haven't told mom, and I
don't think mom should know. But one of my friends,
age fifteen, thinks that she's having a baby. She thinks
she's pregnant, and she can't talk to her parents about it.
(15:59):
What do I do?
Speaker 5 (16:00):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
And so having these the consequence of not having these conversations,
not having the trust in the relationship, can be that
your children can find themselves in some very challenging circumstances
and not know where to go for help.
Speaker 5 (16:14):
And then you knew that. The biggest challenge around that
is that they're receiving advice from other fifteen year olds
right who don't have the maturity or the understanding of
the implications of decisions made without someone with greater foresight
(16:36):
and experience and unconditional love for their child.
Speaker 1 (16:42):
I want to make light of what's just happened, even
though what we're talking about is a very serious thing.
I can't believe that I've decided to tell you that
I know about this thing on a podcast all this
time after finding out having kept it from you for
so long, only to find out that you know about
it and you didn't tell me about it. Maybe we
need to work on how communication a bit more as well. Fundamentally,
these conversations need to be simple, they need to be clear,
(17:03):
they need to be direct. Kids just want us to
be straight shooters. Nothing should be misconstrued, be open and honest.
I'm a really big fan of the three e's. Explore,
Explain empower.
Speaker 5 (17:14):
It never ceases to amaze me. We're looking for a
complicated answer.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
And it doesn't need to be.
Speaker 5 (17:19):
It actually doesn't need to be. And these three e's
are so powerful. Every conversation we have with our kids
ultimately comes back.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
To where are you up to? Here's what matters to us,
How we're going to fix this? Yeah, yep, explore explain
the power. Let's give Dan Prince pay the last word on.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
A humanize that.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
Yeah, it can be uncomfortable. I would just say that
one of the things that I think is just a
general good rule for everybody is like we need to
get comfortable getting uncomfortable, because I wouldn't want any young
person feeling like their desires or their curiosity is shameful.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
How good is that?
Speaker 7 (17:52):
All right?
Speaker 1 (17:53):
We need to wrap it up there. We keep on
going over time. This is such a fun conversation. I mean,
I just love what Parental Guidance offers parents as a resource. Yes,
I know that it's a reality TV entertainment, but it
is such a valuable resource. It's such a privilege to
be on the show. Tomorrow we're going to focus on
sending explicit text messages, sexting, sending nerds, whatever else you
(18:16):
would like to talk about it as it is happening.
We may prefer to think that it isn't happening, but
tomorrow we're going to have the uncomfortable conversation about kids
sharing naked pictures online. We really appreciate Justin rolland from
Bridge Media. He's the producer of the podcast. Craig Bruce
is our executive producer, and Mim Hammond's provides research and
(18:37):
admin support. More information and more resources about making your
family happier are available at Happy families dot com dot
au and if you'd like to catch up on Parental
Guidance seasons one, two, and three, you can stream them
now at nine Now. Episode three is back next Monday nights,
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