July 10, 2025 • 10 mins
Ever feel like bedtime (or just family life in general) is chaos? In this warm, honest episode of I’ll Do Better Tomorrow, Justin and Kylie share two powerful but simple parenting insights that can transform your family’s connection and calm. From spontaneous expressions of love to creating structured, soothing routines, you’ll walk away inspired to make small changes that lead to big results.
KEY POINTS:
- Don’t wait for a “special moment” to show love. Tell your kids you love and appreciate them spontaneously, even in the middle of everyday moments.
- Structure creates calm. A consistent, enjoyable bedtime routine can lower resistance and help kids feel secure and settled.
- Competence matters. When children know what to do and what to expect, they feel more capable, cooperative, and happy.
- Even partial consistency is better than none. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t get it perfect — keep trying.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
"Structure builds competence. Competence is a basic psychological need. When kids feel like they know what they're supposed to be doing and how to do it, they just feel better about life." — Justin Coulson
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
- Parental Guidance TV Show, Episode 3 — airing Monday at 7:30 on Nine & 9Now.
- More parenting resources and articles at: happyfamilies.com.au
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
1. Pick a moment today to tell your child you love them and what they mean to you — unprompted.
2. Create or refine a simple bedtime routine that includes calming, positive steps your child enjoys.
3. Aim for consistency, but don’t let perfect be the enemy of good — even small, regular steps make a difference.
4. Notice and celebrate how structure and loving words improve the atmosphere in your home.
5. Share this episode or insight with a friend or family member who could use a little parenting encouragement!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Before we start today's podcast, I've got to do a
huge plug for this Monday night's episode number three of
Parental Guidance. I know we've been talking about Parental Guidance NonStop.
There's been so much discussion, but Monday coming episode three
is going to be the best Parental Guidance episode that
we have ever seen on TV. I'm absolutely pumped for it.
(00:28):
We confront two generation's worrying obsession.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
At school needs to be riding on the walls about
mummy's leg.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
This is, for me, an area that requires immediate intervention,
and we are parents with the tools to navigate their
way through.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
The other day, I was actually talking with a grandma
who mentioned that she had watched the show so far
and was loving it, but when she mentioned it to
her daughter, her daughter was like, I don't want to
watch that. I don't want to be judged.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
That's how it works.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
And I just thought it was really interesting and I
wanted to highlight if you're out there and you're not
wanting to watch the show because you think that that's
what it's about, please just give it a go, because
it's not about judgment. What I love about the show
is the conversation starters that the result.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
That's the whole thing. It's about conversation.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
From being able to watch this and be given These
are tricky conversations and so many families struggle to have them,
and so being able to actually have something that you
can both see together and then have a conversation around, Yeah,
it's so powerful.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Sit there and watch it with the kids, have the conversations.
So many people are telling me that they're doing it
and I just absolutely love it. We should introduce ourselves,
but just before we do, Monday Night, episode three, seven
point thirty on nine and nine. Now it's going to
blow your world. This is the best episode we have
ever done in three seasons. I'm stoked for it. Okay,
So this is the Happy Famili's podcast, Real Pairing Solutions
(01:58):
every Day, Australia's most down load of parenting podcast. I'm justin,
You're Kylie and we are the Colsons. Oh I should
also just mention as well. I've spoken to a number
of people who have said, watching from season one, I
didn't even know that the show existed, But I've watched
season one and now not to season two, and I
can't wait to watch season three so much fun. Every
Friday on the pod, we talk about the things that
(02:19):
we've done right all the things we've done wrong. It's
called I'll do better Tomorrow, and the idea is that
we're supposed to give you some inspo, either through our
errors of mistakes or through the things that we're nailing,
so that you can make family life happier and better.
I'm going to go first today, Kylie.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Oh, I thought I was going first.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
No, My one's a really quick one, okay, And I
just this is my opportunity to virtue signal, to show
everyone how awesome I am. I just got there's something
that's happening as I'm getting older.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I just need to ask, are you real?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Yeah? Yeah, this is not AI, this is legit good.
I've been getting that question a lot.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You have everywhere we go.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Last weekend, we're walking through the markets and some guy goes, hey, Justin,
and I had no idea who he was. I'm like hi,
and he goes, are you AI? It's happening constantly. Okay,
So today's old a better tomorrow from me. I'm going
to show off a bit. This is a bit that
I absolutely got right. But I want to put it
in some context here. Years and years and years ago,
I wouldn't have done what I'm doing now. As I've
(03:15):
gotten older. I don't know if my heart has gotten bigger.
I don't know how I've changed or how to describe
what's happened. But I feel compelled to describe my appreciation
and my love for you and the kids in ways
much more overt ways than I probably have a decade
ago or two decades ago. I really want you and
(03:37):
the kids to know how grateful I am for you,
how much I love you. So the phone rings while
I'm driving the other day and it's how Elders daughter, Chanell.
She's twenty. I'm not allowed to say how old she's
anymore because she's a full grown woman with a baby
and husband and all that sort of stuff. But she's
in the mid twenties. And I picked up the phone
and said hello, Chanel, And then before she had the
opportunity to talk, I said, I know you've called for
(03:59):
a purpose, even if it's just a chat, but before
you tell me why you're ringing, I just need you
to know I love you so much. I'm so grateful
for you. You are such a delight in my life,
and if I don't tell you that often enough, I
want you to know it right now. And just I
don't know. There's something about looking at the kids as
I walk down the corridor and saying I think the
(04:20):
world of you, or grabbing one of them into a
great big hug in the kitchen for no reason and
just whispering you mean everything to me. I feel as
though these and obviously you've got to back it up
in the way that you act with them and the
way that you talk with them, and the conversations and
the even the correction and direction that you give. It's
got to be backed up in support all the way through.
But Kyl, that's my older better tomorrow. Really simple expressions
(04:43):
of love, expressions of gratitude, expressions of connection. I think
they make a difference. And it felt really great to
say that to one of the children unexpectedly the other day, And.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I think that that is actually the key. It's not
about waiting for the right moment. It's not about waiting
for a special occasion. It's actually taking the time to
just stop and recognize the people in your lives who
make a difference.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Just blurted out like she had stuff to talk to
me about. But I wanted to make sure she knew
that before she told me I love it. I wonder
if it changed the conversation. Mate, she might have been
calling to get mad at me, don't know, but she
certainly was nice to me.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Up really didn't after that.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
That's exactly right, all right, Kylie. Let's hear your Older
Better Tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
A couple of weeks ago, we talked specifically about routine
and structure around bedtimes with our youngest Emily, who is eleven.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
And who just hates bedtime.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
She hates it. She actually thinks it's the bane of
her existence. Yeah, unnecessary, unwanted.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
In her words, in her words, I don't think I
should have to go to bed. And we talked about
so this was in an Older Better Tomorrow episode, I
think two weeks ago, and you sat down, had an
with her and put together a schedule including what was
it like massage? I think that there were.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
You're so funny, no, that there definitely was a bubble bath.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
I knew there was something like that, some sort of pampering.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Rubbing some oils on her.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
That's right, Yeah, Yeah, You've got the whole love the
lavender stuff going up the nose or whatever.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
And so I thought today i'd report on how we've
done because we hadn't actually done anything about it. We've
just created us.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
So this is a bad story then because it hasn't worked.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
You're so terrible. I'm actually really really happy with how
well she responded.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Your perception is so different to mine. Hell well, I
don't think that we're doing it. Are we doing? Are
we actually doing the routine? You're going to try and
tell me that we're doing the routine a little bit,
sometimes one hundred percent, fifty percent.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
You're hilarious. You're saying that like you're actually here all
the time.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
I can't believe you're giving me a hard time about
I've got to travel, I've got to put money in
the bank so that we can pay for the mortgage.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
But in full train experience, consistency is a challenge.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Yes, okay, all right, okay, So it hasn't.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Happened every night, no, But what has happened is whenever
we have done the routine, it has revolutionized bedtime that evening. Yeah,
like literally changed the dynamics in the house. And what
I love about it is just how calm Emily is
(07:26):
so before we started this new routine, it's not like
she was bouncing off the walls. It's not like she
was causing trouble. It's like she just was.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Engaged, coloring in her a lego until like ten o'clock
at night or something ridiculous like that.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
She was just engaged and whatever it is that she
was doing. But now, with a bath and some oils,
she goes to bed before the bedtime that we stipulated,
and she will She'll lie in bed and she'll wait
for me. I'll come and I'll rub some oils on her.
I'll ask her to share the things that she's great
before the day, we'll say a little prayer together, and
she's just sleepy, like she's sleepy, and she just wants
(08:08):
to snuggle. And I just love that, in spite of
the fact that she's eleven, she's almost a teenager, that
she craves that time together. And I'm really grateful that
I've been reminded of just how important it is to
slow that nighttime routine down and be able to reconnect
(08:31):
with our children one on one in that sleepy space.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Okay, so the take home message is, yes, consistency can
improve but having the structure, it really has calmed. Again,
calming wasn't really the issue. It's created.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
A calm has been The calm has happened as a
result of the lack of tension and cand.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Yeah, yeah, let's fight's over, but I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Yeah. So if you wanted to change the word, it
would be compliance.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Yeah, but it's about It's about Emily saying there's a sequence,
and we're operationalizing the sequence, and I know what I've
got to do now, and then the next thing and
the next thing. And she's in like she's enjoying the
sequence because the sequence is full of things that she
likes to do as well.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
After the first night, when she woke up the next morning,
she came in and gave me a big hug, and
I looked at her and I said, you look like
you've had a really good sleep. I said, I think
that nighttime routine really worked, and she said, yeah, me too,
like she just loved it. And so, yes, we could
be more consistent, but I love that we've got this
(09:35):
structure in place, and I love that she recognizes that
it makes a difference.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Structure builds competence. Competence is a basic psychological need. When
kids feel like they know what they're supposed to be doing,
when they're supposed to be doing it, and how to
do it, they just feel better about life and relationships improved.
Plast they tend to do it autonomously. Basic psychological need tick, happiness,
well being, motivation, Everything changes for the better. Come message
strong ideas. A quick reminder again Episode three on Monday
(10:03):
Night of Parental Guidance. This is going to be the
big one. It's the best episode that I've ever seen
on the Telly for this series, So hopefully you can
join us on nine and nine now seven point thirty Monday.
The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin rule On
from Bridge Media. Mim Hammonds takes care of admin's support
and research. If you think that your family would be
(10:24):
happier because of the stuff that we share in this podcast,
that means that other people's families will be happier as well.
So we invite you to share the podcast with others.
Just click a couple of buttons. That's really easy to
share it. It takes a few seconds and pass it along.
And if you do love the pod and you're not
a regular listener, just click the subscribe button so that
you can get it in your feed daily. If you'd
(10:44):
like more information and more resources about making your family happier,
you'll find them at happy families dot com, dot you
Before we start today's podcast, I've got to do a
huge plug for this Monday night's episode number three of
Parental Guidance. I know we've been talking about Parental Guidance NonStop.
There's been so much discussion, but Monday coming episode three
is going to be the best Parental Guidance episode that
we have ever seen on TV. I'm absolutely pumped for it.
(00:28):
We confront two generation's worrying obsession.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
At school needs to be riding on the walls about
mummy's leg.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
This is, for me, an area that requires immediate intervention,
and we are parents with the tools to navigate their
way through.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
The other day, I was actually talking with a grandma
who mentioned that she had watched the show so far
and was loving it, but when she mentioned it to
her daughter, her daughter was like, I don't want to
watch that. I don't want to be judged.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
That's how it works.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
And I just thought it was really interesting and I
wanted to highlight if you're out there and you're not
wanting to watch the show because you think that that's
what it's about, please just give it a go, because
it's not about judgment. What I love about the show
is the conversation starters that the result.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
That's the whole thing. It's about conversation.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
From being able to watch this and be given These
are tricky conversations and so many families struggle to have them,
and so being able to actually have something that you
can both see together and then have a conversation around, Yeah,
it's so powerful.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Sit there and watch it with the kids, have the conversations.
So many people are telling me that they're doing it
and I just absolutely love it. We should introduce ourselves,
but just before we do, Monday Night, episode three, seven
point thirty on nine and nine. Now it's going to
blow your world. This is the best episode we have
ever done in three seasons. I'm stoked for it. Okay,
So this is the Happy Famili's podcast, Real Pairing Solutions
(01:58):
every Day, Australia's most down load of parenting podcast. I'm justin,
You're Kylie and we are the Colsons. Oh I should
also just mention as well. I've spoken to a number
of people who have said, watching from season one, I
didn't even know that the show existed, But I've watched
season one and now not to season two, and I
can't wait to watch season three so much fun. Every
Friday on the pod, we talk about the things that
(02:19):
we've done right all the things we've done wrong. It's
called I'll do better Tomorrow, and the idea is that
we're supposed to give you some inspo, either through our
errors of mistakes or through the things that we're nailing,
so that you can make family life happier and better.
I'm going to go first today, Kylie.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Oh, I thought I was going first.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
No, My one's a really quick one, okay, And I
just this is my opportunity to virtue signal, to show
everyone how awesome I am. I just got there's something
that's happening as I'm getting older.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
I just need to ask, are you real?
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Yeah? Yeah, this is not AI, this is legit good.
I've been getting that question a lot.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You have everywhere we go.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Last weekend, we're walking through the markets and some guy goes, hey, Justin,
and I had no idea who he was. I'm like hi,
and he goes, are you AI? It's happening constantly. Okay,
So today's old a better tomorrow from me. I'm going
to show off a bit. This is a bit that
I absolutely got right. But I want to put it
in some context here. Years and years and years ago,
I wouldn't have done what I'm doing now. As I've
(03:15):
gotten older. I don't know if my heart has gotten bigger.
I don't know how I've changed or how to describe
what's happened. But I feel compelled to describe my appreciation
and my love for you and the kids in ways
much more overt ways than I probably have a decade
ago or two decades ago. I really want you and
(03:37):
the kids to know how grateful I am for you,
how much I love you. So the phone rings while
I'm driving the other day and it's how Elders daughter, Chanell.
She's twenty. I'm not allowed to say how old she's
anymore because she's a full grown woman with a baby
and husband and all that sort of stuff. But she's
in the mid twenties. And I picked up the phone
and said hello, Chanel, And then before she had the
opportunity to talk, I said, I know you've called for
(03:59):
a purpose, even if it's just a chat, but before
you tell me why you're ringing, I just need you
to know I love you so much. I'm so grateful
for you. You are such a delight in my life,
and if I don't tell you that often enough, I
want you to know it right now. And just I
don't know. There's something about looking at the kids as
I walk down the corridor and saying I think the
(04:20):
world of you, or grabbing one of them into a
great big hug in the kitchen for no reason and
just whispering you mean everything to me. I feel as
though these and obviously you've got to back it up
in the way that you act with them and the
way that you talk with them, and the conversations and
the even the correction and direction that you give. It's
got to be backed up in support all the way through.
But Kyl, that's my older better tomorrow. Really simple expressions
(04:43):
of love, expressions of gratitude, expressions of connection. I think
they make a difference. And it felt really great to
say that to one of the children unexpectedly the other day, And.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
I think that that is actually the key. It's not
about waiting for the right moment. It's not about waiting
for a special occasion. It's actually taking the time to
just stop and recognize the people in your lives who
make a difference.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Just blurted out like she had stuff to talk to
me about. But I wanted to make sure she knew
that before she told me I love it. I wonder
if it changed the conversation. Mate, she might have been
calling to get mad at me, don't know, but she
certainly was nice to me.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Up really didn't after that.
Speaker 1 (05:21):
That's exactly right, all right, Kylie. Let's hear your Older
Better Tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
A couple of weeks ago, we talked specifically about routine
and structure around bedtimes with our youngest Emily, who is eleven.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
And who just hates bedtime.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
She hates it. She actually thinks it's the bane of
her existence. Yeah, unnecessary, unwanted.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
In her words, in her words, I don't think I
should have to go to bed. And we talked about
so this was in an Older Better Tomorrow episode, I
think two weeks ago, and you sat down, had an
with her and put together a schedule including what was
it like massage? I think that there were.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
You're so funny, no, that there definitely was a bubble bath.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
I knew there was something like that, some sort of pampering.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Rubbing some oils on her.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
That's right, Yeah, Yeah, You've got the whole love the
lavender stuff going up the nose or whatever.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
And so I thought today i'd report on how we've
done because we hadn't actually done anything about it. We've
just created us.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
So this is a bad story then because it hasn't worked.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
You're so terrible. I'm actually really really happy with how
well she responded.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Your perception is so different to mine. Hell well, I
don't think that we're doing it. Are we doing? Are
we actually doing the routine? You're going to try and
tell me that we're doing the routine a little bit,
sometimes one hundred percent, fifty percent.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
You're hilarious. You're saying that like you're actually here all
the time.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
I can't believe you're giving me a hard time about
I've got to travel, I've got to put money in
the bank so that we can pay for the mortgage.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
But in full train experience, consistency is a challenge.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Yes, okay, all right, okay, So it hasn't.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Happened every night, no, But what has happened is whenever
we have done the routine, it has revolutionized bedtime that evening. Yeah,
like literally changed the dynamics in the house. And what
I love about it is just how calm Emily is
(07:26):
so before we started this new routine, it's not like
she was bouncing off the walls. It's not like she
was causing trouble. It's like she just was.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Engaged, coloring in her a lego until like ten o'clock
at night or something ridiculous like that.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
She was just engaged and whatever it is that she
was doing. But now, with a bath and some oils,
she goes to bed before the bedtime that we stipulated,
and she will She'll lie in bed and she'll wait
for me. I'll come and I'll rub some oils on her.
I'll ask her to share the things that she's great
before the day, we'll say a little prayer together, and
she's just sleepy, like she's sleepy, and she just wants
(08:08):
to snuggle. And I just love that, in spite of
the fact that she's eleven, she's almost a teenager, that
she craves that time together. And I'm really grateful that
I've been reminded of just how important it is to
slow that nighttime routine down and be able to reconnect
(08:31):
with our children one on one in that sleepy space.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Okay, so the take home message is, yes, consistency can
improve but having the structure, it really has calmed. Again,
calming wasn't really the issue. It's created.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
A calm has been The calm has happened as a
result of the lack of tension and cand.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
Yeah, yeah, let's fight's over, but I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Yeah. So if you wanted to change the word, it
would be compliance.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Yeah, but it's about It's about Emily saying there's a sequence,
and we're operationalizing the sequence, and I know what I've
got to do now, and then the next thing and
the next thing. And she's in like she's enjoying the
sequence because the sequence is full of things that she
likes to do as well.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
After the first night, when she woke up the next morning,
she came in and gave me a big hug, and
I looked at her and I said, you look like
you've had a really good sleep. I said, I think
that nighttime routine really worked, and she said, yeah, me too,
like she just loved it. And so, yes, we could
be more consistent, but I love that we've got this
(09:35):
structure in place, and I love that she recognizes that
it makes a difference.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Structure builds competence. Competence is a basic psychological need. When
kids feel like they know what they're supposed to be doing,
when they're supposed to be doing it, and how to
do it, they just feel better about life and relationships improved.
Plast they tend to do it autonomously. Basic psychological need tick, happiness,
well being, motivation, Everything changes for the better. Come message
strong ideas. A quick reminder again Episode three on Monday
(10:03):
Night of Parental Guidance. This is going to be the
big one. It's the best episode that I've ever seen
on the Telly for this series, So hopefully you can
join us on nine and nine now seven point thirty Monday.
The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin rule On
from Bridge Media. Mim Hammonds takes care of admin's support
and research. If you think that your family would be
(10:24):
happier because of the stuff that we share in this podcast,
that means that other people's families will be happier as well.
So we invite you to share the podcast with others.
Just click a couple of buttons. That's really easy to
share it. It takes a few seconds and pass it along.
And if you do love the pod and you're not
a regular listener, just click the subscribe button so that
you can get it in your feed daily. If you'd
(10:44):
like more information and more resources about making your family happier,
you'll find them at happy families dot com, dot you
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