July 17, 2025 • 19 mins
What happens when a child falls years behind in reading and writing? This week’s episode of The Happy Families Podcast dives into one of the most talked-about moments from Parental Guidance: the Life School parents’ children struggling with basic literacy. Justin and Kylie share why reading matters so much, how to help children who resist school and learning, and practical steps for parents who feel overwhelmed when their child is falling behind. If you’ve ever worried about your child’s progress—or felt judged by others—this conversation will give you hope, empathy, and a clear path forward.
KEY POINTS:
-
Reading is a gateway to learning, and kids need to see, hear, and engage with books daily.
-
Many families lack books in the home—screens have crowded them out.
-
Literacy struggles can stem from earlier traumatic or negative schooling experiences, creating resistance.
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Avoidance of learning challenges often worsens anxiety; action and support are crucial.
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There is no quick fix—progress takes time, love, and the right support network.
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Collaboration with schools is vital, but sometimes alternative schooling or tutors may be necessary.
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Motivation often follows competence—find what your child loves to learn and build on that.
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Above all, children need to know that they are loved, supported, and not alone in their struggle.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
"Readers are leaders, and leaders are readers. But before anything else, your child needs to know you love them, no matter how hard the journey gets."
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
-
Previous Happy Families podcast episodes on How to Help Kids Love Reading
-
happyfamilies.com.au for more resources on literacy and schooling alternatives, including:
-
Nine Now app to watch Parental Guidance
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
1. Read to your child every day, even if they’re older.
2. Let your child see you reading.
3. Fill your home with
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Okay. Today on the Happy Families podcast, Real Parenting Solutions
Every Day. This is Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast, where
Justin and Kylie Calson we are discussing what I think
is the big moment some of the most compelling TV
that you'll ever see. Monday Night on Parental Guidance, we
were blown away by what happened in the last twenty
minutes of the show and we really need to spend
some time chatting about what I think most of Australia
(00:29):
saw and we're just astonished by. So let's do a
quick reset and just get you up to date on
Parental Guidance. This week we focused on the topic of
body image. Where we're talking about body image. We're talking
about healthy eating, regular exercise and having a positive view
of your body.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
This is complicated. Eat well, but you know, not obsessively,
exercise but don't go too hard. But how do we
actually parent for this?
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Let's reintroduce those focused parents so you know who we're
talking about. First up, our authoritative parents, Elvie and Sean.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
As authoritative parents, we don't really give our children too
much choice.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
To be good in piano, you do need a lot
of practicing. Elvis says the rules in the family.
Speaker 5 (01:16):
You only have turned him in this that okay.
Speaker 4 (01:19):
The girls and I.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Are they Nick and Sophia the positivity parents.
Speaker 5 (01:24):
As positivity parents, we build up our children's self esteem
every single day by doing positive affirmations.
Speaker 6 (01:30):
I can't hear you got to tell her out?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
I am stop before?
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Yes? Yes?
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Who are Amanda Hassan? Hardware parents.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
As hardware parents, there's no easy way out.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
We don't leave anyone behind. We all go do things together.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
Yes, we actually choose to parent our children.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Josh and Cassie Life school parents.
Speaker 6 (01:51):
As a family of seven. We live in our truck
and caravan traveling around Australia.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
We've been traveling for like three years. We haven't been
to school for four years. We just choose life schooling.
Speaker 5 (02:03):
To a better way to learn.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Well, the very last challenge of the night was for
the Life school parents.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
We're playing the compliment game and there's one more family
left to see. Let's see how our Love school parents went.
Speaker 6 (02:17):
Give your parents five compliments each.
Speaker 4 (02:20):
Let's go as.
Speaker 7 (02:22):
Live school parents.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
We think a good compliment is one that comes from
the heart.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
And it's honest.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Okay, so I need to explain what unfolded because it's
quite visual. You had to see it if you listen
to the podcast and you haven't seen the show, maybe
because you're overseas or you just haven't caught up yet
on the nine and now app here's what's going on
with the compliment game. The kids are describing their parents.
They're saying things like pretty, nice skin, nice hair, awesome, fun,
(02:49):
But it was really a parent that they had trouble spelling,
like fun was spelled with an M crossed out and
then the letter and pretty was pri y and so
on were beautiful.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
There was a bit of a spelling issue.
Speaker 6 (03:05):
Yeah, that was It was a funny one because the
spelling and the writing and the reading.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
A few of them struggled at do they know how
to read and write?
Speaker 6 (03:14):
Yeah, they read and write in their own ways. It's
not like we sit down and give them pen and
paper lessons.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
What we've seen is they might need a bit more
help with that.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
We have a high school teacher in the room, Amanda.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
I just talking from my perspective. I just thought it
was lacking, like a lot for their age, the youngest
being seven, Like you should be able to spell and
read really well, really well well for those words. Yeah,
they were quite easy words. Yeah. I would be giving
them a lot more lessons and reading and writing. They
need it.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
A comment from one of the parents pretty well summed
up the general feeling in the room.
Speaker 5 (03:50):
I would be beside myself to be quite honest, whether
or not you believe that you're limiting their opportunities for
careers later. Like you said, well, if they want to
be a doctor, they can be a doctor. Realistically, I
don't see that happening if they can't read.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Are you worried about where the boys are at with
their reading and writing? I'm not worried at all, because
they can read and write, but we didn't see that
there and they were they It's like fun.
Speaker 6 (04:25):
If you look at most people on social media, they
can't spell or use grammar as well.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
And if you're not worried about it, at what point
do you become worried.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
One of the challenges is them having a good relationship
with reading and writing and that sort of thing. We
don't want to come on too strong and too heavy
for them to be fully resistive to taking you.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Josh, I need to jump in. You're not alarmed. Everybody
in the room is alarmed, and I'm alarmed. They've got
such limited capacity to read, and they are not just behind,
there's several years behind. How much do you read to them?
Speaker 6 (05:09):
To be honest, it varies.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
How much do they read to you?
Speaker 6 (05:12):
Yeah, yeah, probably not enough.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
To know things like, based on what we've just heard,
they don't read to you at all. Yeah, okay, Kylie,
let's talk about this. The importance of reading, something that
we've talked about endlessly on the podcast, something that we
make a really big deal about. Reading is the gateway
to learning.
Speaker 7 (05:30):
I shared this a few times now, but I don't
actually remember being read to as a child, and reading
didn't come easy to me. It wasn't until I was
in my mid teens that I actually started to pick
up a book because I wanted to, and then I
became quite an avid reader.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
I love reading, But you thought I was weird because
I read nonfiction and you really liked fiction. And it
wasn't until I started to introduce you to some of
the incredible nonfiction that's out there that you started to
see that that was really exciting. As well. Readers are leaders,
and leaders are readers. Recent research that I stumbled across
indicates that I can't remember what percentage of kids it is,
(06:09):
something like half of Australian children. There's not even ten
books in the family home. I have family members who
literally don't have books in their home. Full step into story.
Zero books that's in my own family just blows me away.
How screens have proliferated and taken over our children's imaginations
(06:30):
and our families' lives.
Speaker 7 (06:32):
And just the other day, you actually told me we
need more bookshelves.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Yeah, we do. We've installed one, two, three, four, five,
maybe six bookshelves, and I'm saying we need more. We've
got too many books and I don't want to get
rid of them. Like we keep on culling our books
and just keeping the ones that I most besotted by,
and we just we love them. So reading is critical.
We have consistently made sure that we read to our
children daily, our children see us reading daily ourselves. And
(07:00):
while we don't read to our children so much anymore
because our youngest is eleven and she just wants to
read on her own, Like I'll consistently say can I
please read to you? And she won't let me because
she's completely absorbed in her own books, and she's reading
really big books. It's just so important that kids are
being read too, that they're reading to us, and that
they're seeing us read.
Speaker 7 (07:21):
But I think what else is really important is that
there are books available to them. So little Indie, our
grand baby, she's almost two, she knows where the book
cupboard is, and when she comes to Lolly's house, she
literally goes to that cupboard, pulls out her books, and
she will bring them to me and ask to be
read too, but she'll often if she doesn't want my time.
(07:45):
She is actually really happy to pull them out, and
she will sit and flip the pages. Is she reading, No,
she's not, but she's becoming acquainted with books. She's looking
at the pictures. She's being enthralled and engaged in a
story all of its own, without having to know the words.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
So we've done several podcasts over the last couple of
years about how to get your kids to love reading,
and we will link to those in the show notes.
They're so worth the listen. We've really put a lot
of time and effort into that, and I can't overstate
how much it matters that children fall in love with reading.
This matters so much. But as a result of what occurred,
(08:23):
there was a fairly I think really not fairly. There
was one of the most important conversations that I've ever
had on the TV between Josh and Cassie, the Life
School parents and me and I want to talk about
the conversation that I had with them offset.
Speaker 6 (08:38):
Next justin, could you mind if we went outside and
had a bit of a chat.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Let's go okay, so you can hear the tension. You
can feel that the Life School parents and that children
had the challenge of the Compliments game. During the course
of the game, it became very clear that their children
were struggling with basic spelling. Now this podcast episode today
is not about them, and it's not about their kids,
but there was a lot of confronting feedback from the
other parents that was leveled at the Life School parents,
(09:16):
and so they asked if we could have a separate
conversation off set.
Speaker 6 (09:19):
I feel that I just need to explain something that
wasn't able to be explained in the room around what.
Speaker 7 (09:26):
Has happened to us in the past.
Speaker 6 (09:29):
I unfortunately used my ego to allow one of our
kids to go to school at the age of four
because I had a prep a year one, a year two,
and a year three.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
It's a lot.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
I thought that that would create.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
A bond, but it didn't. And what we have now
is an extremely resistant child to sitting down and reading
and writing. You know, he's not comfortable with holding a
pen and paper.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
Like okay, yeah, I just don't know how to. I
just want to to come out.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Right, even if it's not right, it's okay.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
He flatly refuses, you know, like when your dad's dragging
you forcefully to the car when you would probably rather
die than.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
Go to where you're going.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
I'm fearful to what that message tells my son. Literacy
is very important.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
But if we kill his spirit because he has to
be at.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
A benchmark because he is this age, then have we
just taken a gift out of the world.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Callie that conversation, I think it was just so important
to bring context into it, but also to make sure
that instruction was clear and that Josh and Cassey knew
what their children needed, regardless of the traumatic and challenging
experiences that had previously. It's just so important. But what
I want to do is stop talking about them now
and just talk about the broader question when your child
(10:55):
struggles with learning, when your child doesn't want to go
to school, what do you do? How do you help?
And what are the solutions? That's where we need to
spend our time. Now. We've been there. We've had children
who have refused to go to school, We've chosen to homeschool.
(11:16):
We've dealt with bullying, We've dealt with some mental health challenges,
we've dealt with neurodivergence. All of these things have been
a part of our family and our story. So we
have a huge amount of empathy not just for our
life school parents who have described their experience, but also
for anyone else who's listened to pot and going but
you don't get it, I promise you we do. We've
(11:36):
encountered all of those challenges and more. It's been extremely
hard raising six kids, not all of whom have been
excited to go to school every day. In fact, many
who have just dug their heels in an absolutely out
and out refused. It's been quite the journey for me.
Speaker 7 (11:52):
The biggest take homes as we've gone through this process
time and time again for very different reasons with each
child is number one, recognizing that we can't do it alone.
We can't do it alone, and we're not supposed to
do it alone. And surrounding ourselves with the appropriate support,
(12:12):
whether that be professional or otherwise. Finding the right people
to put in your kid's corner and your corner to
help you navigate challenges is imperative if we're going to
get through this. I think the second one for me
is an acknowledgment that there is no quick fix, right yep.
(12:33):
As a parent, no one likes seeing their child struggle
at all.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Hardest think of being a parent is watching you can suffer.
Speaker 7 (12:39):
And just sitting here thinking about the struggles gets me
a bit teary because it's so hard watching them and
knowing that they're in pain or they're hurting. But the
one thing we need to remember it is no matter what,
they need to know that we love them.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
It just we're on the scene.
Speaker 7 (12:58):
It has to be at the forefront of every conversation
we have with our children. No matter how hard this is,
no matter how much you're frustrated with me because we're
doing X, Y and Z or whatever it is, I
need you to know we just love you. We love you,
and we here for you and we want to support you,
and we're going to do everything we can, and then
(13:19):
we take every conceivable possible step we can to show
them that we're on their side.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, the reality is not every kid fits at school schools.
There are some schools who do a really great job
of catering for children who have diverse and additional and
challenging needs. There are some schools that are just remarkable,
but they are unusual. The standard cookie cutter approach to
schooling doesn't suit every child. And our world is busier
(13:49):
and more fraught, and more stressed and more just overwhelming
than it's ever been. Bullying is rife. Australia is the
second most bullied nation on the planet. The US beats
us out there, but are being bullied at insane levels
both online and offline. In fact, if it's happening online,
you can bet your boots that it's happening offline. And
children just it's really hard. So, in addition to what
(14:12):
you've said, and I really appreciate the way that you've
said it and the things that you've said, a couple
of other things to look at. Number One, you've got
to work with the school to the extent that you
can we've just written a letter to the school about
one of our kids who's having a rough time. We've
only got two kods a school, so I'm probably giving
away a little bit too much there, But we've just
said to the school we are dealing with some really
big challenges here and we want to work with you.
(14:34):
We want to be by your side, we want to
be collaborating as much as possible to work through this
specific issue. And that approach generally works better than yelling
at somebody in the school office and saying you people
don't understand you're not doing anything. So that's the first thing.
Work with the school. But every now and again you're
going to find that no matter how much you work
with the school, you just won't get the outcome you need.
(14:55):
At which point I think that it's worth looking around
at other schooling options. It might be a school up
the street or down the road. It might be an
alternative kind of school. It could be distance education, it
could be homeschool. There are an enormous a variety of
options that are out there, and then it just comes
down to what you can manage, whether it's budget or
whether it's time, whether you're working, whether you can take
(15:16):
time off. We have found with homeschooling that having an
outside tutor has been essential to help our children stay
motivated and to do things that you and I can't
do or that the kids won't do. With us, looking
at alternatives and being open minded about it becomes imperative.
Speaker 7 (15:31):
One of the things you've talked about so many times
is the acknowledgment that avoidance isn't the answer.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
No.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Avoidance reinforces anxiety, and.
Speaker 7 (15:39):
So it's really important that while ever we're dealing with struggles,
that we don't take what seems like the easier road
by avoiding the challenges, because we're actually just creating a
bigger problem. We're pushing that problem down the road.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
If avoidance reinforces anxiety, though, what overcomes anxiety is action.
Action is the key. So if your children are struggling,
there has to be some form of action, having them
involved in extra curricular activities, having them having a third
space where they do have good relationships, or they do
have a level of competence, or they do have a
sense of choice about what they're doing. I would always
say minimize screens. I would always be saying get them
(16:18):
reading back to the first half of this conversation. But
these are the things that our children need. The last
thing that I want to highlight and really sort of
zero win on as we talk about what the solutions
are when our children are struggling with learning is finding
something that they are motivated to learn. Finding just find
(16:38):
something that they enjoy. Because what you tend to find
is that when a child goes into a space where
they have decent relationships, where they feel reasonably competent, and
they know that they're making progress, and they have a
sense of choice over their actions and activities, you find
that their motivation is really really deep and profoundly powerful.
(17:00):
They're just so motivated. And the reason for the higher
levels of motivation because those basic psychological needs are being supported.
So child doesn't want to learn, child struggling to do stuff,
find something that they do love to learn, and you'll
find that motivation will appear really quickly. Motivation actually follows
competence rather than competence following motivation, which is what people
(17:23):
often think happens. So much more we could talk about it.
I mean, it was compelling TV. Really it was compelling
because there was a lot of motion, but it was
compelling because it matters. It really matters, And I can't
thank Josh and Cassie enough and all the parents on
the show for being willing to put themselves out there.
I get pretty upset when people get on to social
media and start making judgmental comments. That's not helpful. These
(17:45):
are families who are doing a great job as a
general rule, and when you look at how their kids
did in every single change. We've got one episode to
go on Monday night, but their kids absolutely nail it.
They're a great family doing really good stuff.
Speaker 7 (17:58):
They're so involved, hands on.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
They're really really good. Yes, yeah, and so it's just
I think that it's really important a reminder when you
jump onto social media and say things, just be aware
there are real people on the other side of this,
and they're brave, they're courageous, and they've done what they've
done so that we can have conversations like this. It
really matters. Anyway, We hope that you've gotten a lot
out of today's conversation. We didn't do I'd do better
(18:22):
tomorrow this week because we just felt like that was
what we needed at end the week on and talk
about Thank you so much for listening to the happy
Families podcast. It's produced by Justin Rulon from Bridge Media.
Mimhammond's provides research, admin and other support and if you'd
like more information and more resources to make your family happier,
you'll find it at happy families dot com dot au.
Parental Guidance Episode four is back Monday night on nine
(18:45):
and nine now from seven thirty next time.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
In the last of our special events series.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
We have an incredible mental illness challenge in this country.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
It's the invisible crisis crippling the nation. She screamed from
seven per till three am every single night. It was horrific.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Don't help me.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Tonight's focus parents will be back in the hot seat.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
My children call me the most mean momed in the world.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
How do our parents respond when mental health takes center stage?
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Boys are naturally nurturing, they.
Speaker 6 (19:22):
Can be stereotyping, can put a lot of pressure on men.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
And then the panel decides a parents with the best
parental guidance when it comes to building good mental health
Art
Okay. Today on the Happy Families podcast, Real Parenting Solutions
Every Day. This is Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast, where
Justin and Kylie Calson we are discussing what I think
is the big moment some of the most compelling TV
that you'll ever see. Monday Night on Parental Guidance, we
were blown away by what happened in the last twenty
minutes of the show and we really need to spend
some time chatting about what I think most of Australia
(00:29):
saw and we're just astonished by. So let's do a
quick reset and just get you up to date on
Parental Guidance. This week we focused on the topic of
body image. Where we're talking about body image. We're talking
about healthy eating, regular exercise and having a positive view
of your body.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
This is complicated. Eat well, but you know, not obsessively,
exercise but don't go too hard. But how do we
actually parent for this?
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Let's reintroduce those focused parents so you know who we're
talking about. First up, our authoritative parents, Elvie and Sean.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
As authoritative parents, we don't really give our children too
much choice.
Speaker 4 (01:10):
To be good in piano, you do need a lot
of practicing. Elvis says the rules in the family.
Speaker 5 (01:16):
You only have turned him in this that okay.
Speaker 4 (01:19):
The girls and I.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Are they Nick and Sophia the positivity parents.
Speaker 5 (01:24):
As positivity parents, we build up our children's self esteem
every single day by doing positive affirmations.
Speaker 6 (01:30):
I can't hear you got to tell her out?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
I am stop before?
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Yes? Yes?
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Who are Amanda Hassan? Hardware parents.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
As hardware parents, there's no easy way out.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
We don't leave anyone behind. We all go do things together.
Speaker 4 (01:45):
Yes, we actually choose to parent our children.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
Josh and Cassie Life school parents.
Speaker 6 (01:51):
As a family of seven. We live in our truck
and caravan traveling around Australia.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
We've been traveling for like three years. We haven't been
to school for four years. We just choose life schooling.
Speaker 5 (02:03):
To a better way to learn.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Well, the very last challenge of the night was for
the Life school parents.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
We're playing the compliment game and there's one more family
left to see. Let's see how our Love school parents went.
Speaker 6 (02:17):
Give your parents five compliments each.
Speaker 4 (02:20):
Let's go as.
Speaker 7 (02:22):
Live school parents.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
We think a good compliment is one that comes from
the heart.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
And it's honest.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Okay, so I need to explain what unfolded because it's
quite visual. You had to see it if you listen
to the podcast and you haven't seen the show, maybe
because you're overseas or you just haven't caught up yet
on the nine and now app here's what's going on
with the compliment game. The kids are describing their parents.
They're saying things like pretty, nice skin, nice hair, awesome, fun,
(02:49):
But it was really a parent that they had trouble spelling,
like fun was spelled with an M crossed out and
then the letter and pretty was pri y and so
on were beautiful.
Speaker 2 (03:01):
There was a bit of a spelling issue.
Speaker 6 (03:05):
Yeah, that was It was a funny one because the
spelling and the writing and the reading.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
A few of them struggled at do they know how
to read and write?
Speaker 6 (03:14):
Yeah, they read and write in their own ways. It's
not like we sit down and give them pen and
paper lessons.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
What we've seen is they might need a bit more
help with that.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
We have a high school teacher in the room, Amanda.
Speaker 4 (03:29):
I just talking from my perspective. I just thought it
was lacking, like a lot for their age, the youngest
being seven, Like you should be able to spell and
read really well, really well well for those words. Yeah,
they were quite easy words. Yeah. I would be giving
them a lot more lessons and reading and writing. They
need it.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
A comment from one of the parents pretty well summed
up the general feeling in the room.
Speaker 5 (03:50):
I would be beside myself to be quite honest, whether
or not you believe that you're limiting their opportunities for
careers later. Like you said, well, if they want to
be a doctor, they can be a doctor. Realistically, I
don't see that happening if they can't read.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Are you worried about where the boys are at with
their reading and writing? I'm not worried at all, because
they can read and write, but we didn't see that
there and they were they It's like fun.
Speaker 6 (04:25):
If you look at most people on social media, they
can't spell or use grammar as well.
Speaker 2 (04:30):
And if you're not worried about it, at what point
do you become worried.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
One of the challenges is them having a good relationship
with reading and writing and that sort of thing. We
don't want to come on too strong and too heavy
for them to be fully resistive to taking you.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Josh, I need to jump in. You're not alarmed. Everybody
in the room is alarmed, and I'm alarmed. They've got
such limited capacity to read, and they are not just behind,
there's several years behind. How much do you read to them?
Speaker 6 (05:09):
To be honest, it varies.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
How much do they read to you?
Speaker 6 (05:12):
Yeah, yeah, probably not enough.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
To know things like, based on what we've just heard,
they don't read to you at all. Yeah, okay, Kylie,
let's talk about this. The importance of reading, something that
we've talked about endlessly on the podcast, something that we
make a really big deal about. Reading is the gateway
to learning.
Speaker 7 (05:30):
I shared this a few times now, but I don't
actually remember being read to as a child, and reading
didn't come easy to me. It wasn't until I was
in my mid teens that I actually started to pick
up a book because I wanted to, and then I
became quite an avid reader.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
I love reading, But you thought I was weird because
I read nonfiction and you really liked fiction. And it
wasn't until I started to introduce you to some of
the incredible nonfiction that's out there that you started to
see that that was really exciting. As well. Readers are leaders,
and leaders are readers. Recent research that I stumbled across
indicates that I can't remember what percentage of kids it is,
(06:09):
something like half of Australian children. There's not even ten
books in the family home. I have family members who
literally don't have books in their home. Full step into story.
Zero books that's in my own family just blows me away.
How screens have proliferated and taken over our children's imaginations
(06:30):
and our families' lives.
Speaker 7 (06:32):
And just the other day, you actually told me we
need more bookshelves.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
Yeah, we do. We've installed one, two, three, four, five,
maybe six bookshelves, and I'm saying we need more. We've
got too many books and I don't want to get
rid of them. Like we keep on culling our books
and just keeping the ones that I most besotted by,
and we just we love them. So reading is critical.
We have consistently made sure that we read to our
children daily, our children see us reading daily ourselves. And
(07:00):
while we don't read to our children so much anymore
because our youngest is eleven and she just wants to
read on her own, Like I'll consistently say can I
please read to you? And she won't let me because
she's completely absorbed in her own books, and she's reading
really big books. It's just so important that kids are
being read too, that they're reading to us, and that
they're seeing us read.
Speaker 7 (07:21):
But I think what else is really important is that
there are books available to them. So little Indie, our
grand baby, she's almost two, she knows where the book
cupboard is, and when she comes to Lolly's house, she
literally goes to that cupboard, pulls out her books, and
she will bring them to me and ask to be
read too, but she'll often if she doesn't want my time.
(07:45):
She is actually really happy to pull them out, and
she will sit and flip the pages. Is she reading, No,
she's not, but she's becoming acquainted with books. She's looking
at the pictures. She's being enthralled and engaged in a
story all of its own, without having to know the words.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
So we've done several podcasts over the last couple of
years about how to get your kids to love reading,
and we will link to those in the show notes.
They're so worth the listen. We've really put a lot
of time and effort into that, and I can't overstate
how much it matters that children fall in love with reading.
This matters so much. But as a result of what occurred,
(08:23):
there was a fairly I think really not fairly. There
was one of the most important conversations that I've ever
had on the TV between Josh and Cassie, the Life
School parents and me and I want to talk about
the conversation that I had with them offset.
Speaker 6 (08:38):
Next justin, could you mind if we went outside and
had a bit of a chat.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
Let's go okay, so you can hear the tension. You
can feel that the Life School parents and that children
had the challenge of the Compliments game. During the course
of the game, it became very clear that their children
were struggling with basic spelling. Now this podcast episode today
is not about them, and it's not about their kids,
but there was a lot of confronting feedback from the
other parents that was leveled at the Life School parents,
(09:16):
and so they asked if we could have a separate
conversation off set.
Speaker 6 (09:19):
I feel that I just need to explain something that
wasn't able to be explained in the room around what.
Speaker 7 (09:26):
Has happened to us in the past.
Speaker 6 (09:29):
I unfortunately used my ego to allow one of our
kids to go to school at the age of four
because I had a prep a year one, a year two,
and a year three.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
It's a lot.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
I thought that that would create.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
A bond, but it didn't. And what we have now
is an extremely resistant child to sitting down and reading
and writing. You know, he's not comfortable with holding a
pen and paper.
Speaker 3 (09:54):
Like okay, yeah, I just don't know how to. I
just want to to come out.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Right, even if it's not right, it's okay.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
He flatly refuses, you know, like when your dad's dragging
you forcefully to the car when you would probably rather
die than.
Speaker 4 (10:16):
Go to where you're going.
Speaker 3 (10:18):
I'm fearful to what that message tells my son. Literacy
is very important.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
But if we kill his spirit because he has to
be at.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
A benchmark because he is this age, then have we
just taken a gift out of the world.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Callie that conversation, I think it was just so important
to bring context into it, but also to make sure
that instruction was clear and that Josh and Cassey knew
what their children needed, regardless of the traumatic and challenging
experiences that had previously. It's just so important. But what
I want to do is stop talking about them now
and just talk about the broader question when your child
(10:55):
struggles with learning, when your child doesn't want to go
to school, what do you do? How do you help?
And what are the solutions? That's where we need to
spend our time. Now. We've been there. We've had children
who have refused to go to school, We've chosen to homeschool.
(11:16):
We've dealt with bullying, We've dealt with some mental health challenges,
we've dealt with neurodivergence. All of these things have been
a part of our family and our story. So we
have a huge amount of empathy not just for our
life school parents who have described their experience, but also
for anyone else who's listened to pot and going but
you don't get it, I promise you we do. We've
(11:36):
encountered all of those challenges and more. It's been extremely
hard raising six kids, not all of whom have been
excited to go to school every day. In fact, many
who have just dug their heels in an absolutely out
and out refused. It's been quite the journey for me.
Speaker 7 (11:52):
The biggest take homes as we've gone through this process
time and time again for very different reasons with each
child is number one, recognizing that we can't do it alone.
We can't do it alone, and we're not supposed to
do it alone. And surrounding ourselves with the appropriate support,
(12:12):
whether that be professional or otherwise. Finding the right people
to put in your kid's corner and your corner to
help you navigate challenges is imperative if we're going to
get through this. I think the second one for me
is an acknowledgment that there is no quick fix, right yep.
(12:33):
As a parent, no one likes seeing their child struggle
at all.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Hardest think of being a parent is watching you can suffer.
Speaker 7 (12:39):
And just sitting here thinking about the struggles gets me
a bit teary because it's so hard watching them and
knowing that they're in pain or they're hurting. But the
one thing we need to remember it is no matter what,
they need to know that we love them.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
It just we're on the scene.
Speaker 7 (12:58):
It has to be at the forefront of every conversation
we have with our children. No matter how hard this is,
no matter how much you're frustrated with me because we're
doing X, Y and Z or whatever it is, I
need you to know we just love you. We love you,
and we here for you and we want to support you,
and we're going to do everything we can, and then
(13:19):
we take every conceivable possible step we can to show
them that we're on their side.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
Yeah, the reality is not every kid fits at school schools.
There are some schools who do a really great job
of catering for children who have diverse and additional and
challenging needs. There are some schools that are just remarkable,
but they are unusual. The standard cookie cutter approach to
schooling doesn't suit every child. And our world is busier
(13:49):
and more fraught, and more stressed and more just overwhelming
than it's ever been. Bullying is rife. Australia is the
second most bullied nation on the planet. The US beats
us out there, but are being bullied at insane levels
both online and offline. In fact, if it's happening online,
you can bet your boots that it's happening offline. And
children just it's really hard. So, in addition to what
(14:12):
you've said, and I really appreciate the way that you've
said it and the things that you've said, a couple
of other things to look at. Number One, you've got
to work with the school to the extent that you
can we've just written a letter to the school about
one of our kids who's having a rough time. We've
only got two kods a school, so I'm probably giving
away a little bit too much there, But we've just
said to the school we are dealing with some really
big challenges here and we want to work with you.
(14:34):
We want to be by your side, we want to
be collaborating as much as possible to work through this
specific issue. And that approach generally works better than yelling
at somebody in the school office and saying you people
don't understand you're not doing anything. So that's the first thing.
Work with the school. But every now and again you're
going to find that no matter how much you work
with the school, you just won't get the outcome you need.
(14:55):
At which point I think that it's worth looking around
at other schooling options. It might be a school up
the street or down the road. It might be an
alternative kind of school. It could be distance education, it
could be homeschool. There are an enormous a variety of
options that are out there, and then it just comes
down to what you can manage, whether it's budget or
whether it's time, whether you're working, whether you can take
(15:16):
time off. We have found with homeschooling that having an
outside tutor has been essential to help our children stay
motivated and to do things that you and I can't
do or that the kids won't do. With us, looking
at alternatives and being open minded about it becomes imperative.
Speaker 7 (15:31):
One of the things you've talked about so many times
is the acknowledgment that avoidance isn't the answer.
Speaker 3 (15:37):
No.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Avoidance reinforces anxiety, and.
Speaker 7 (15:39):
So it's really important that while ever we're dealing with struggles,
that we don't take what seems like the easier road
by avoiding the challenges, because we're actually just creating a
bigger problem. We're pushing that problem down the road.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
If avoidance reinforces anxiety, though, what overcomes anxiety is action.
Action is the key. So if your children are struggling,
there has to be some form of action, having them
involved in extra curricular activities, having them having a third
space where they do have good relationships, or they do
have a level of competence, or they do have a
sense of choice about what they're doing. I would always
say minimize screens. I would always be saying get them
(16:18):
reading back to the first half of this conversation. But
these are the things that our children need. The last
thing that I want to highlight and really sort of
zero win on as we talk about what the solutions
are when our children are struggling with learning is finding
something that they are motivated to learn. Finding just find
(16:38):
something that they enjoy. Because what you tend to find
is that when a child goes into a space where
they have decent relationships, where they feel reasonably competent, and
they know that they're making progress, and they have a
sense of choice over their actions and activities, you find
that their motivation is really really deep and profoundly powerful.
(17:00):
They're just so motivated. And the reason for the higher
levels of motivation because those basic psychological needs are being supported.
So child doesn't want to learn, child struggling to do stuff,
find something that they do love to learn, and you'll
find that motivation will appear really quickly. Motivation actually follows
competence rather than competence following motivation, which is what people
(17:23):
often think happens. So much more we could talk about it.
I mean, it was compelling TV. Really it was compelling
because there was a lot of motion, but it was
compelling because it matters. It really matters, And I can't
thank Josh and Cassie enough and all the parents on
the show for being willing to put themselves out there.
I get pretty upset when people get on to social
media and start making judgmental comments. That's not helpful. These
(17:45):
are families who are doing a great job as a
general rule, and when you look at how their kids
did in every single change. We've got one episode to
go on Monday night, but their kids absolutely nail it.
They're a great family doing really good stuff.
Speaker 7 (17:58):
They're so involved, hands on.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
They're really really good. Yes, yeah, and so it's just
I think that it's really important a reminder when you
jump onto social media and say things, just be aware
there are real people on the other side of this,
and they're brave, they're courageous, and they've done what they've
done so that we can have conversations like this. It
really matters. Anyway, We hope that you've gotten a lot
out of today's conversation. We didn't do I'd do better
(18:22):
tomorrow this week because we just felt like that was
what we needed at end the week on and talk
about Thank you so much for listening to the happy
Families podcast. It's produced by Justin Rulon from Bridge Media.
Mimhammond's provides research, admin and other support and if you'd
like more information and more resources to make your family happier,
you'll find it at happy families dot com dot au.
Parental Guidance Episode four is back Monday night on nine
(18:45):
and nine now from seven thirty next time.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
In the last of our special events series.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
We have an incredible mental illness challenge in this country.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
It's the invisible crisis crippling the nation. She screamed from
seven per till three am every single night. It was horrific.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Don't help me.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Tonight's focus parents will be back in the hot seat.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
My children call me the most mean momed in the world.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
How do our parents respond when mental health takes center stage?
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Boys are naturally nurturing, they.
Speaker 6 (19:22):
Can be stereotyping, can put a lot of pressure on men.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
And then the panel decides a parents with the best
parental guidance when it comes to building good mental health
Art
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