August 3, 2025 • 15 mins
Are we really setting our kids up for success in the real world? From burnt spaghetti to budgeting fails, this episode dives into the seven critical life skills every parent should teach their child before they fly the nest — unless you want them boomeranging back! This is the essential parenting checklist for raising capable, confident, and independent adults.
KEY POINTS
- Get Organised & Be Productive
Teens need to know how to manage time, set alarms, prioritise, and follow through on responsibilities — no one else is going to do it for them. - Keep a Tidy House & Maintain Hygiene
Basic cleaning and personal hygiene habits matter. No one wants to live with (or date) someone who never cleans the bathroom. - Cook Three Basic Meals
Two-minute noodles don't count! Being able to whip up three decent meals is a non-negotiable adulting skill. - Research & Make Informed Decisions
From phone plans to uni courses, help your teen learn how to ask questions, compare options, and confidently choose what's right. - Understand Basic Budgeting
Track spending, avoid debt traps, and save for goals — money smarts start at home. - Regulate Emotions
Teach your teen to handle stress, setbacks, and big feelings without a meltdown (or a phone call to Mum every time). - Navigate Conflict Constructively
Knowing how to disagree without destroying a relationship is key — whether it's a fight with a friend or a tricky work conversation.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“The goal isn’t to send them out perfect. It’s to send them out capable — and make ourselves redundant in the process.”
RESOURCES MENTIONED
- happyfamilies.com.au for parenting tools, resources, and workshops.
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
1. Do a life skills audit — which of these seven has your child mastered?
2. Model these behaviours daily: routines, budgeting, cooking, conflict resolution.
3. Involve your child in real-life decisions (like comparing phone plans or budgeting for groceries).
4. Use mistakes as teachable moments, not failures.
5. Celebrate independence, even if it’s just cleaning the bathroom without being asked!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kylie, you and I have three adult kids. They've moved
out of home. Well, I say they've moved out of home.
Hasn't quite worked out like that.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I was going to say, which three kids are you
talking about?
Speaker 1 (00:09):
One is back, another is returning in a little bit
over a month. So we're going to have five kids
in the house again. Not sure how that's going to work.
As well as that, We've got an eighteen year older
teen and a tween and sometimes I look at them
and I hope they're not listening to what I'm about
to say. I wonder if we could have done more
to get them ready for the realities of independent living.
(00:30):
I mean, life is the ultimate teacher, and once you
move out, you just start to figure stuff out. But
every now and again, I feel like there's real value
in building some foundational skills while children are still at home,
where mistakes are safe and where that little bit of
extra guidance is available. Today, we're going to knock out
(00:50):
seven life skills that every parent needs to teach their
team and help them a master before they leave home.
Stay with us. Hello. This is The Happy Family's podcast,
Real Parenting Solutions, every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast,
(01:10):
where Justin and Kylie Coulson. Kylie, I don't know if
it's solutions today or just ideas, reminders and a little
bit of a rod for parents' backs. Our job is
to equip our children so that we become redundant. They
can move out and get through life. Okay. And I
keep on hearing stories about kids that move out but
can't do anything for themselves. Apparently kids are just not
(01:32):
that resilient. I think we're being unfair to our kids.
I remember when I was young, like when I was
a kid and I was at my grandma's house and
my uncle, who had moved out three years ago and
only lived in the next suburb, was still bringing his
washing home. Really, man, Yeah, Uncle Rob used to bring
his washing home to Nan once or twice a week
so that the washing could be done.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
But was that as much about Uncle Rob not knowing
how to do it, or was it more about Nan
needing to feel wanted, or.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Maybe it was even just a sign of the times,
like it was the late seventies early eighties and men
went off to work and women did the washing, and
he didn't have a woman at home. I don't know.
I mean, it sounds dreadful saying it like that, and
I don't think that he would even agree with that now.
But no, but even sitcoms.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
That I would watch today, dramas, stories and stuff, have
the sons come home with their washing.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
It's so bizarre, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah, So, I mean we're in modern times and that's
still being portrayed.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
I just want to put it out there. I never
took my washing home to mum. I was living in
a state when I moved out of home, but I
never took my washing home to mum.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
But I also think about I guess the amount of
contribution you made in your family home growing up about
zero compared to what you do now. And so it
wasn't that you.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Hundred percent you didn't know. Sorry, I'm not saying I
do one hundred percent now, I'm saying one hundred percent.
I agree with you.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
It's not that you didn't know how to. It's that
you didn't need to or didn't want to. There was
no motivation. Once you're in your own space, that changes.
And I've noticed that with our eldest daughter, she would
bark every time I would ask her to do something
in our house, but in her own space, she's brilliant.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Yeah yeah, yeah, she.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Doesn't keep house the way I do. But that doesn't
mean it's not right.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Let's kick on with the seven life skills that every
team should master before they leave home. I'm going to
kick us off with getting organized and being productive. Now,
as you've just said, in some ways, you just do it.
Like once you move out, you realize you are responsible.
No one else is going to shake you awake. You
have to set the alarm, you have to get out
of bed, you have to get to work on time,
you have to do stuff. But the ability to manage yourself,
(03:36):
prioritize tasks, create systems that work, be productive, meet your responsibilities.
That is something that as parents we have a responsibility
to teach and model.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Well, I want to take that a little bit further.
You're talking about this idea of getting organized, I actually
think this encompasses taking care of house keeping house. There
is nothing worse. Only there is nothing worse than walking
into somebody else's bathroom and being met with a toilet
that has never been scrubbed, or your hair all over
(04:11):
the floor. Like those little things make a huge difference
to the way other people not only view you, but
feel how you.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Feel when you're Like, I used to be a furniture
removal so that's how I paid for myself and our
family to survive while I was doing my university. Great
is one of them, and I remember going into some
people's homes and thinking, literally, these people have never cleaned.
They don't know what cleaning is. And do I sound
a little bit snobby here?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Absolutely, and I'm standing by it. You've got to know
how to look after that. And that ties in with
a second one that I was going to highlight, which
is maintaining basic health and hygiene routines. You've got to
know how to brush your teeth twice a day, how
to floss, have a shower, had a shower and use
the odor it, Oh my goodness, and how to recognize
when you need to see a doctor, and how to
(04:59):
keep yourself clean and healthy. These are basic skills that
unfortunately are lacking in some young people, and they always
probably have and they probably always will, and it's probably
only minority, but I think it's worth highlighting get organized,
be productive, and maintain basic health and hygiene routines.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
What else have you gone on the list?
Speaker 1 (05:18):
So this is one that I wrote down as a
result of our conversation recently with our twenty two year
old daughter. You're topping her, yeah, I am, and I'm
hoping she's not listening to her pod. But I asked
her what she was going to cook for dinner since
you and I were out, and she told me, and
it was the same thing that she cooked last time
you and I were out, And I said, can't you
cook anything else, to which she replied no, Well, actually
(05:40):
she replied yes, and she gave me two other options,
but she moved out and lived away from home for
eighteen months. And on my list, I have to be
able to cook at least three basic meals, and then
in brackets, I wrote two minute noodles is not a
life skill, so I can move.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
When I was fair young, a friend of mine introduced
me to spaghetti, onion and cheese, and that was my
first meal I ever cooked. I would come home after
church on a Sunday, I would get a can of spaghetti.
I would fry up some onion and then I would
put the spaghetti in there and add extra cheese. Delicious.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
That sounds disgusting. But I remember when we met, I
cooked dinner for you the first time. I think we
were already married, and I cooked dinner, and I was
very excited to I fried up some onion and some
diced steak, and then I added some pasta sauce and
I put it on some pasta, and I was so
proud of myself. I felt like it was my masterpiece,
(06:38):
my bisy resistance. And you mocked me hellishly. You're like,
I can't believe you're feeding me this.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I never had second pasta in my life.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Yeah. One of my flatmates when I was younger, had
cooked that. That was his specialty, and I just thought
this was a great meal. I thought it was brilliant.
I'm getting everything I need all right after the break.
I've got a couple of other things that your kids
need to know. Life skills that every team must master
before they leave home. On the Happy Families Podcast. Okay, Kylie,
(07:15):
we are going to kick on with some more life
skills that every team should master before they leave home.
Next one, A little bit, A little bit involved, a
little bit complex, and something that kids hate doing today.
Once upon a time, kids were really happy to pick
up the phone and make a phone call to somebody
and just deal with stuff today not so much. Can
I please do it online? Can I please not engage
with anybody? I think that this stuff can be done online,
(07:37):
although sometimes you do need to talk to others. But
it's research and make informed decisions. So whether you're choosing insurance,
or whether you've got a couple of job offers, or
you're trying to work out what you're going to study
at university, sometimes you've just got to talk to people,
or at least get on the interwebs. Sorry, I'm sounding
like I just wanted to say intertwebsite could sound boomerash
(07:57):
because I'm giving young people a hard time here. But
the ability to figure out what what is the best
choice right now? I need to buy a new washing machine,
or I'm looking at getting a new car. How do
I make this decision? Ideally, they'll do it with our input.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
I was about to say, while this is important, I
mean it's imperative to being able to kind of function
as an adult in life without the appropriate scaffolding. This
is a really daunting task for any emerging adult, and
I think that it's really important that as parents we
actually step them through the process so that they feel
(08:37):
equipped to be able to make the decisions. I remember
when I turned eighteen and I had to make some
of these decisions. I was kind of just told, you're
old enough, now you go and do it. Yeah, And
I had no idea what I was doing sink or
swim ban. I had no idea what questions I needed
to ask, And so I would make calls and get
the information I thought was important and then get off
the phone and find out that I hadn't asked any
(08:58):
of the.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Constructs that were important that have to ring back.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
So while it is about holding their hand a little bit,
it really is more about preparing them so that they
actually know what to do in those moments.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Yeah. And a lot of these things you don't have
to do very often, Like you buy a car, so
what do I do about transferring registration?
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Or how do I do my taxes? Yeah? Yeah, yeah.
Too often as parents we just kind of take it
on board because it's like it's easier than having to
go through the process of helping them understand the process.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
I just thought you could when it's time for my
bile phone plan, you could have them involved in the
selection of the appropriate plan. They can see how much
it costs, they can weigh up one plan against another.
There's some complexity in that, and that gives them a
sense of how you research and make these decisions. Okay,
that leads into managing money and understanding basic budgeting. Kids, know,
they a lot of adults struggle with this. We've done
(09:51):
a lot of podcasts recently on managing money but being
able to track spending safe for goals, avoid debt traps.
Know how many subscriptions you've got to Netflix and Stand
and Binge and on Prime and whatever else is going
on there. This is a really big one, and unfortunately,
I think that too many kids are finding themselves in
some money traps money challenges because they don't understand basic budgeting.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
This is really intriguing to me. We have one child
whose salary sacrifices every week of her own free will
in an effort to reach financial.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Goals substantially, and then she complains that she has no
money every week.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
But then we have another child who literally has no
money every week.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
But he's living her best life.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
And we've taught them both the same things.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yeah, and we've also worked with plenty of young people
who are drowning in debt, who have made a lot
of decisions, often with very good intentions, sometimes not so much.
And it really hurts when you see somebody young who's
got debt up to their eyeballs and they're only twenty
two or twenty six. It's pretty it's pretty intense.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
What has surprised me in some of the conversations I've
had in recent times the amount of kids who are
in debt in an effort to support other family members
right more mature than them in age, whether it be
parents or older siblings. And I just feel like, while
it's such a beautiful quality to want to assist and
(11:20):
help people, when it comes at the detriment of your
capacity to do.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Life, Yeah, it's upside down.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
It really is upside down.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah, And I said that with compassion. I don't say
that with the judgment. It's frustrating for the child who's
in debt. It's also frustrating, I'm sure for the other
adults that they're trying to support. But I believe that
as adults we have a responsibility to make sure that
our children are not supporting us.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
We've got to not encumbered by our financial decisions.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Having said that sometimes life throws curve balls at you,
and there's plenty of plenty of stories of really great
kids who have gone out of their way to support
other family members and even their parents, and it's made
all the difference. So I'm not making this a blanket rule,
nor am I asking judgment. I just I think that
in an ideal world, most adults would agree that the
kids shouldn't be supporting the family. Instead the parents are
(12:08):
supposed to support the family. All right, I want to
talk about two emotional ones. They kind of tie in together,
and our time is up, so we're going to do
this one reasonably briefly. We need to be able to
regulate emotions. Sorry, our children need to be able to
regulate emotions. You're looking at me like, I know plenty
of adults who can't do it themselves. Modeling matters and
being able to navigate conflict constructively. So whether it's disagreeing
(12:29):
with somebody without destroying a relationship, not running home because
I've had a fight with my boyfriend or my girlfriend
or my husband or wife, or knowing how to send
an email to a boss who's doing something that there's
a disagreement about, being able to regulate your emotions, navigate
conflict constructively. I think these are life skills that every team,
(12:52):
if not masters, should at least be able to be
thoughtful about and be developing their competence in when they
leave home and start to get on with life. It's
just inappropriate when a child is having a hard time
at work and they say, oh, I need to call
my mum. Do you know what I mean? But if
your child is old enough to work, then they should
be old enough to navigate these challenges on their own.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
I think also the acknowledgment is when our kids are
having relationship trouble, specifically with significant others, that our job
is to listen and support, but I think far too
often we get involved.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Yeah, there's a line that I've got in relationship rules,
take the ride, not the wheel.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah. To scaffold and build healthy relationships, it requires us
to actually push them back in the right direction. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
In fact, I just want to make a really clear
point here these seven things on this list. It's not
about your child being completely independent. It's not about you saying, well,
you're an adult, now you've left home, you should be
able to do this on your own. We're always going
to be there for them. We're always going to be
able to support them, but it's about them knowing how
to get these things going. Certainly, we're not going to
(14:01):
be rubbing deodorant under their armpits and brushing their teeth anymore,
and that goes without saying.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
But you could buy them floss.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Yes, you could give them a Willy's voucher and say
go buy some hygiene products. The goal isn't to send
them out perfect, it's to send them out capable and
make ourselves redundant in the process. That's the beauty of
being a parent. One day, you're just not needed for
anything except who you are, and that's what we're trying
(14:29):
to work towards. We really hope that there's been some
inspo and some fun ideas in what we've shared. If
you think that somebody you know would lead a happier
family life because of this episode, we'd love for you
to share it with others. Just click that share button
passed along. It takes about twenty seconds and it could
make somebody else happier. Plus it helps other people discover
the pod and make their family thrive. The Happy Families
(14:50):
podcast is produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. Mimhammonds
provides research, admin and other support, and if you'd like
more information and resources, please visit us at happy families
dot com dot au
Kylie, you and I have three adult kids. They've moved
out of home. Well, I say they've moved out of home.
Hasn't quite worked out like that.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I was going to say, which three kids are you
talking about?
Speaker 1 (00:09):
One is back, another is returning in a little bit
over a month. So we're going to have five kids
in the house again. Not sure how that's going to work.
As well as that, We've got an eighteen year older
teen and a tween and sometimes I look at them
and I hope they're not listening to what I'm about
to say. I wonder if we could have done more
to get them ready for the realities of independent living.
(00:30):
I mean, life is the ultimate teacher, and once you
move out, you just start to figure stuff out. But
every now and again, I feel like there's real value
in building some foundational skills while children are still at home,
where mistakes are safe and where that little bit of
extra guidance is available. Today, we're going to knock out
(00:50):
seven life skills that every parent needs to teach their
team and help them a master before they leave home.
Stay with us. Hello. This is The Happy Family's podcast,
Real Parenting Solutions, every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast,
(01:10):
where Justin and Kylie Coulson. Kylie, I don't know if
it's solutions today or just ideas, reminders and a little
bit of a rod for parents' backs. Our job is
to equip our children so that we become redundant. They
can move out and get through life. Okay. And I
keep on hearing stories about kids that move out but
can't do anything for themselves. Apparently kids are just not
(01:32):
that resilient. I think we're being unfair to our kids.
I remember when I was young, like when I was
a kid and I was at my grandma's house and
my uncle, who had moved out three years ago and
only lived in the next suburb, was still bringing his
washing home. Really, man, Yeah, Uncle Rob used to bring
his washing home to Nan once or twice a week
so that the washing could be done.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
But was that as much about Uncle Rob not knowing
how to do it, or was it more about Nan
needing to feel wanted, or.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Maybe it was even just a sign of the times,
like it was the late seventies early eighties and men
went off to work and women did the washing, and
he didn't have a woman at home. I don't know.
I mean, it sounds dreadful saying it like that, and
I don't think that he would even agree with that now.
But no, but even sitcoms.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
That I would watch today, dramas, stories and stuff, have
the sons come home with their washing.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
It's so bizarre, isn't it.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah, So, I mean we're in modern times and that's
still being portrayed.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
I just want to put it out there. I never
took my washing home to mum. I was living in
a state when I moved out of home, but I
never took my washing home to mum.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
But I also think about I guess the amount of
contribution you made in your family home growing up about
zero compared to what you do now. And so it
wasn't that you.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Hundred percent you didn't know. Sorry, I'm not saying I
do one hundred percent now, I'm saying one hundred percent.
I agree with you.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
It's not that you didn't know how to. It's that
you didn't need to or didn't want to. There was
no motivation. Once you're in your own space, that changes.
And I've noticed that with our eldest daughter, she would
bark every time I would ask her to do something
in our house, but in her own space, she's brilliant.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Yeah yeah, yeah, she.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Doesn't keep house the way I do. But that doesn't
mean it's not right.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Let's kick on with the seven life skills that every
team should master before they leave home. I'm going to
kick us off with getting organized and being productive. Now,
as you've just said, in some ways, you just do it.
Like once you move out, you realize you are responsible.
No one else is going to shake you awake. You
have to set the alarm, you have to get out
of bed, you have to get to work on time,
you have to do stuff. But the ability to manage yourself,
(03:36):
prioritize tasks, create systems that work, be productive, meet your responsibilities.
That is something that as parents we have a responsibility
to teach and model.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Well, I want to take that a little bit further.
You're talking about this idea of getting organized, I actually
think this encompasses taking care of house keeping house. There
is nothing worse. Only there is nothing worse than walking
into somebody else's bathroom and being met with a toilet
that has never been scrubbed, or your hair all over
(04:11):
the floor. Like those little things make a huge difference
to the way other people not only view you, but
feel how you.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Feel when you're Like, I used to be a furniture
removal so that's how I paid for myself and our
family to survive while I was doing my university. Great
is one of them, and I remember going into some
people's homes and thinking, literally, these people have never cleaned.
They don't know what cleaning is. And do I sound
a little bit snobby here?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Absolutely, and I'm standing by it. You've got to know
how to look after that. And that ties in with
a second one that I was going to highlight, which
is maintaining basic health and hygiene routines. You've got to
know how to brush your teeth twice a day, how
to floss, have a shower, had a shower and use
the odor it, Oh my goodness, and how to recognize
when you need to see a doctor, and how to
(04:59):
keep yourself clean and healthy. These are basic skills that
unfortunately are lacking in some young people, and they always
probably have and they probably always will, and it's probably
only minority, but I think it's worth highlighting get organized,
be productive, and maintain basic health and hygiene routines.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
What else have you gone on the list?
Speaker 1 (05:18):
So this is one that I wrote down as a
result of our conversation recently with our twenty two year
old daughter. You're topping her, yeah, I am, and I'm
hoping she's not listening to her pod. But I asked
her what she was going to cook for dinner since
you and I were out, and she told me, and
it was the same thing that she cooked last time
you and I were out, And I said, can't you
cook anything else, to which she replied no, Well, actually
(05:40):
she replied yes, and she gave me two other options,
but she moved out and lived away from home for
eighteen months. And on my list, I have to be
able to cook at least three basic meals, and then
in brackets, I wrote two minute noodles is not a
life skill, so I can move.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
When I was fair young, a friend of mine introduced
me to spaghetti, onion and cheese, and that was my
first meal I ever cooked. I would come home after
church on a Sunday, I would get a can of spaghetti.
I would fry up some onion and then I would
put the spaghetti in there and add extra cheese. Delicious.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
That sounds disgusting. But I remember when we met, I
cooked dinner for you the first time. I think we
were already married, and I cooked dinner, and I was
very excited to I fried up some onion and some
diced steak, and then I added some pasta sauce and
I put it on some pasta, and I was so
proud of myself. I felt like it was my masterpiece,
(06:38):
my bisy resistance. And you mocked me hellishly. You're like,
I can't believe you're feeding me this.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I never had second pasta in my life.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Yeah. One of my flatmates when I was younger, had
cooked that. That was his specialty, and I just thought
this was a great meal. I thought it was brilliant.
I'm getting everything I need all right after the break.
I've got a couple of other things that your kids
need to know. Life skills that every team must master
before they leave home. On the Happy Families Podcast. Okay, Kylie,
(07:15):
we are going to kick on with some more life
skills that every team should master before they leave home.
Next one, A little bit, A little bit involved, a
little bit complex, and something that kids hate doing today.
Once upon a time, kids were really happy to pick
up the phone and make a phone call to somebody
and just deal with stuff today not so much. Can
I please do it online? Can I please not engage
with anybody? I think that this stuff can be done online,
(07:37):
although sometimes you do need to talk to others. But
it's research and make informed decisions. So whether you're choosing insurance,
or whether you've got a couple of job offers, or
you're trying to work out what you're going to study
at university, sometimes you've just got to talk to people,
or at least get on the interwebs. Sorry, I'm sounding
like I just wanted to say intertwebsite could sound boomerash
(07:57):
because I'm giving young people a hard time here. But
the ability to figure out what what is the best
choice right now? I need to buy a new washing machine,
or I'm looking at getting a new car. How do
I make this decision? Ideally, they'll do it with our input.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
I was about to say, while this is important, I
mean it's imperative to being able to kind of function
as an adult in life without the appropriate scaffolding. This
is a really daunting task for any emerging adult, and
I think that it's really important that as parents we
actually step them through the process so that they feel
(08:37):
equipped to be able to make the decisions. I remember
when I turned eighteen and I had to make some
of these decisions. I was kind of just told, you're
old enough, now you go and do it. Yeah, And
I had no idea what I was doing sink or
swim ban. I had no idea what questions I needed
to ask, And so I would make calls and get
the information I thought was important and then get off
the phone and find out that I hadn't asked any
(08:58):
of the.
Speaker 1 (08:58):
Constructs that were important that have to ring back.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
So while it is about holding their hand a little bit,
it really is more about preparing them so that they
actually know what to do in those moments.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Yeah. And a lot of these things you don't have
to do very often, Like you buy a car, so
what do I do about transferring registration?
Speaker 2 (09:16):
Or how do I do my taxes? Yeah? Yeah, yeah.
Too often as parents we just kind of take it
on board because it's like it's easier than having to
go through the process of helping them understand the process.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
I just thought you could when it's time for my
bile phone plan, you could have them involved in the
selection of the appropriate plan. They can see how much
it costs, they can weigh up one plan against another.
There's some complexity in that, and that gives them a
sense of how you research and make these decisions. Okay,
that leads into managing money and understanding basic budgeting. Kids, know,
they a lot of adults struggle with this. We've done
(09:51):
a lot of podcasts recently on managing money but being
able to track spending safe for goals, avoid debt traps.
Know how many subscriptions you've got to Netflix and Stand
and Binge and on Prime and whatever else is going
on there. This is a really big one, and unfortunately,
I think that too many kids are finding themselves in
some money traps money challenges because they don't understand basic budgeting.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
This is really intriguing to me. We have one child
whose salary sacrifices every week of her own free will
in an effort to reach financial.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
Goals substantially, and then she complains that she has no
money every week.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
But then we have another child who literally has no
money every week.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
But he's living her best life.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
And we've taught them both the same things.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yeah, and we've also worked with plenty of young people
who are drowning in debt, who have made a lot
of decisions, often with very good intentions, sometimes not so much.
And it really hurts when you see somebody young who's
got debt up to their eyeballs and they're only twenty
two or twenty six. It's pretty it's pretty intense.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
What has surprised me in some of the conversations I've
had in recent times the amount of kids who are
in debt in an effort to support other family members
right more mature than them in age, whether it be
parents or older siblings. And I just feel like, while
it's such a beautiful quality to want to assist and
(11:20):
help people, when it comes at the detriment of your
capacity to do.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
Life, Yeah, it's upside down.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
It really is upside down.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah, And I said that with compassion. I don't say
that with the judgment. It's frustrating for the child who's
in debt. It's also frustrating, I'm sure for the other
adults that they're trying to support. But I believe that
as adults we have a responsibility to make sure that
our children are not supporting us.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
We've got to not encumbered by our financial decisions.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Having said that sometimes life throws curve balls at you,
and there's plenty of plenty of stories of really great
kids who have gone out of their way to support
other family members and even their parents, and it's made
all the difference. So I'm not making this a blanket rule,
nor am I asking judgment. I just I think that
in an ideal world, most adults would agree that the
kids shouldn't be supporting the family. Instead the parents are
(12:08):
supposed to support the family. All right, I want to
talk about two emotional ones. They kind of tie in together,
and our time is up, so we're going to do
this one reasonably briefly. We need to be able to
regulate emotions. Sorry, our children need to be able to
regulate emotions. You're looking at me like, I know plenty
of adults who can't do it themselves. Modeling matters and
being able to navigate conflict constructively. So whether it's disagreeing
(12:29):
with somebody without destroying a relationship, not running home because
I've had a fight with my boyfriend or my girlfriend
or my husband or wife, or knowing how to send
an email to a boss who's doing something that there's
a disagreement about, being able to regulate your emotions, navigate
conflict constructively. I think these are life skills that every team,
(12:52):
if not masters, should at least be able to be
thoughtful about and be developing their competence in when they
leave home and start to get on with life. It's
just inappropriate when a child is having a hard time
at work and they say, oh, I need to call
my mum. Do you know what I mean? But if
your child is old enough to work, then they should
be old enough to navigate these challenges on their own.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
I think also the acknowledgment is when our kids are
having relationship trouble, specifically with significant others, that our job
is to listen and support, but I think far too
often we get involved.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
Yeah, there's a line that I've got in relationship rules,
take the ride, not the wheel.
Speaker 2 (13:33):
Yeah. To scaffold and build healthy relationships, it requires us
to actually push them back in the right direction. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
In fact, I just want to make a really clear
point here these seven things on this list. It's not
about your child being completely independent. It's not about you saying, well,
you're an adult, now you've left home, you should be
able to do this on your own. We're always going
to be there for them. We're always going to be
able to support them, but it's about them knowing how
to get these things going. Certainly, we're not going to
(14:01):
be rubbing deodorant under their armpits and brushing their teeth anymore,
and that goes without saying.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
But you could buy them floss.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
Yes, you could give them a Willy's voucher and say
go buy some hygiene products. The goal isn't to send
them out perfect, it's to send them out capable and
make ourselves redundant in the process. That's the beauty of
being a parent. One day, you're just not needed for
anything except who you are, and that's what we're trying
(14:29):
to work towards. We really hope that there's been some
inspo and some fun ideas in what we've shared. If
you think that somebody you know would lead a happier
family life because of this episode, we'd love for you
to share it with others. Just click that share button
passed along. It takes about twenty seconds and it could
make somebody else happier. Plus it helps other people discover
the pod and make their family thrive. The Happy Families
(14:50):
podcast is produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. Mimhammonds
provides research, admin and other support, and if you'd like
more information and resources, please visit us at happy families
dot com dot au
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