September 18, 2025 • 17 mins
Think teens can’t have fun without booze? Think again. In this episode of I’ll Do Better Tomorrow, Justin and Kylie share the behind-the-scenes of hosting an 18th birthday that was loud, laughter-filled - and completely alcohol-free. From a $9.99 Bunnings “doorbell hack” every parent of a gamer needs, to setting clear boundaries that still let kids feel free, you’ll hear how the Coulson's created connection and unforgettable memories without the hangover.
KEY POINTS
- The $9.99 Bunnings wireless doorbell that stops the endless “DINNER!” yelling at teens in headphones.
- How to host a high-energy, alcohol-free party teens actually rave about.
- Teaching kids they don’t need substances to have fun or belong.
- Using “I’ll Do Better Tomorrow” reflections to guide weekly family growth.
- A fresh take on schooling: why one daughter chose a vocational “industry school” and how alternative pathways (and gap years) can set kids up for success.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“Life is long. If the standard path isn’t working, stop forcing your child to fit something that doesn’t fit.” – Dr Justin Coulson
RESOURCES MENTIONED
- Register interest for Justin’s upcoming Boys book here
- Study proves the importance of dads teaching sex education to their sons | Will & Woody
- A $10 Doorbell Stopped Me Yelling At My Teen | Lise & Sarah
- Study links a gap year to better university grades | The Conversation
- Gap Years, ATAR Myths & the Real Path to Success After School [with Amy Dyer] - Happy Families Podcast
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
- Model Substance-Free Fun: Show your teen that great parties don’t need alcohol.
- Set Clear, Kind Boundaries: Explain expectations up front—then let your kids rise to meet them.
- Explore Alternate School Paths: Investigate vocational schools, traineeships, or gap years if the traditional system isn’t serving your child.
- Create Simple Connection Cues: Try the wireless doorbell or another gentle way to call your teen without yelling.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
I'll Do Better Tomorrow. It's the Happy Families Podcast, the
most downloaded parenting podcast in Australia, and today on the pod,
a nine dollars ninety nine Bunnings hack that could revolutionize
your relationship with your kids, a needy daughter who just
has to be talked about in today's podcast, and a
big eighteenth in our home. How did we handle all
(00:28):
of the challenges that come with an eighteenth at a
small suburban block. We'll discuss that and a whole lot
more right after this. Gooday thanks to joining us on
the Happy Families Podcast, Real parenting solutions every day. We
are Justin and Kylie Coulson. A couple of news items
before we get into I'll Do Better Tomorrow. First up,
Yours truly featured on the Will and Woody radio show
(00:51):
on Kiss one oh six point five in Sydney this week.
The big topic was an ABC article talking about how
dad's a shirking response ability when it comes to talking
about intimacy, talking about those special kinds of connection, Kylie,
those special moments, and I got in there and said,
dads are not pulling their weight. They need to do better.
(01:13):
How is dad's not talking to young boys about sex
affecting them.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
This is such a tricky one to answer, guys, but
fundamentally what's happening is the load is falling on mum's
dads are shirking it. And in research where teenage boys
are interviewed about this, as much as they pretend that
they don't care, they don't want to know, and they
know it all already, they actually consistently say that they
want to hear about it, specifically from their dads.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Your reactions.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
So many times dads just leave those tricky conversations to
mum and expect that she's going to do it all.
But what they're missing is the acknowledgment that there's two
sides to the story and our kids need to hear it.
They need to actually understand and know the ins and
outs of both sides.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
I can't believe you said ins and outs with a
conversation like this, but thanks so much. Was it in appropriate?
Oh my goodness, so sorry. I hope that doesn't get
me canceled. The other thing that I was going to
say that they missed, I said it is the yeah
I made the joke. Is the connection, the quality of
the connection, like you have these moments with the kids
and they just made it so much. Anyway, that was
(02:22):
a big interview and I felt like I really enjoyed
talking to William Woody. I've had a number of conversations
with them recently and it always goes well, they're great listeners,
like they're really in the moment, and I love that
about being on air with people who are like that.
Some people just rush through the conversation. These guys nail it.
In other news, something that caught my attention this week
and I thought, well, it's not really a full episode,
(02:42):
but I could mention it quickly on Friday, where I
usually drop whatever is going on. And izy Mum, a
teenage son, has shared the unlikely item that has helped
her unlock a genius parenting hack. It's ten bucks. You
can get it at Bunnings. It's a wireless doorbill.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
When you have a teenager games and so many of
them do like he's either got his big headset on
and he's X boxing his life away, or he's got
air pods in and he's listening to music, in which
case he will never hear me. Okay, he's disconnecting from
our family. So the doorbell allows me to communicate with
(03:20):
him without me raising my voice. So he hears the doorbell.
It's an immediate Pavlov's dog type of reaction. He walks
upstairs and he says, yes, Mum, he loves it. I
love it. We all love it. It's working so well
for us Kylie.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Podcaster and former radio host Lisa Carlaw grab that doorbell
at Buddings because she was sick of yelling out to
her teenage son in his bedroom. There's no pestering, there's
no nagging, there's no hankering, and if he doesn't show up,
she just gets to push the doorbell again.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Is she a mum's fred? Go on? I'm sure, I'm
sure I remember you telling me that your mum did
something similar when you guys were growing up.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
No, not that I can remember. I mean I've heard
I've heard stories of bells ringing and that kind of stuff.
But this is genius because it only rings in his room.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
Well, she only has one child, obviously. Could you imagine
I would have to have a smaller sport with six storebells.
It reminds me of like Cinderella. Cinderella and all those
bedrooms are dinging for her attention.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Well, well, really, we have a small house, so first
of all, we don't have to yell. We just have
to speak somebody's name and they hearers. But secondly, because
we have a small house and the kids are all
sharing rooms, we'd only need three door bells.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Yeah. See, our hackers actually speak as quiet as possible,
and you can bet your bottom dollar they'll hear it.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Yeah, there's nothing the matter with their hearing, even though
they pretend. All right, Kylie, this is the bit where
we step into the week that was. We talk about
what worked and what didn't I'll do better tomorrow. It's
an opportunity for us to be intentional and give every
mum and dad listening to the podcast a chance to
reflect on their own week, think about what they would
do in this situation, and hopefully nail it when it
happens for them. You're up first.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
So we mentioned a couple of weeks ago that our
baby number four turned eighteen, and so over the last
handful of months, she's been invited to a handful of
parties that would either be celebrating seventeen or eighteen year olds.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Yeah, like kids are finishing high school. These are the big.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Days yeah, And as a result, we've had to have
lots of conversations about what behaviors are going to be
president at the party, whether or not they'll be alcohol.
And I was really surprised. One of her really close
friends was having a party and I know that she
doesn't drink, and when I asked our daughter if there
(05:37):
was going to be alcohol at the party, she said, yeah,
but her parents aren't supplying it. It's just to bring
your own kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
The answer is always yes. At this age, right end
of your eleven and of your twelve, the answer is essentially,
if the kid's going to a party, there's going to
be booz there's going to be grown, there's going to
be there's going to be plonk caller what you will.
There's going to be kids that are completely stonkeerd in
the bushes somewhere because they've just gone way too hard.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
It just it intrigues me that people who and parents
specifically who aren't drinkers, are allowing kids to come along
who are underage and bring their own alcohol. And so
with her party coming up, it was there was no
conversation needed, Like it was, it was entirely agreed upon
(06:18):
with both of us that there would be no alcohol.
And what I loved was watching these eighteen plus year
old kids it come into our home and just play
games like I'm talking the bad game. If you haven't
played the bad game, you've got to play the bad game. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
I don't know if it's got a proper name, but
it's a bad game. It's just a flexibility test. Like
you put one of those you can do it with
the cereal box. It doesn't really matter. Just something that
sits on its base and is upright and you can
tear so you have no hands, no floor, no knees, right,
so just staying on your feet, you've got to be
able to bend down, use your mouth to pick it up,
and then you rip around like you gets. Yeah, rip
(06:57):
a centimeter or five centimeters or whatever you want out
of the top of the box, and the next person
is therefore going a bit lower. They made so much
noise you would think that it was the biggest night
of the year in football. And we had the entire
nable here. Every time somebody's like, come on, you can
do it, you can do it, and they're stretching all
the way down and then when they.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Go it pulls a hammy.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
It was amazing. This is at ten o'clock at night.
They're screaming the neighborhood down because and no alcohol involved, right,
So you can have fun and not drink.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
And that's what I loved, And I really just want
to highlight the opportunity we have to help our children
recognize and witness that you can have fun without the
aid of substance, whether that be drugs or alcohol, and
that it's all about the company that you keep. And
so having these kids in our home and just seeing
(07:46):
them excited to be together and to spend time together
and be able to remember what happened the next day,
it was a highlight of my week.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Yeah. I mean there's a lot of people who will
be like, no, no, no, because they're eighteen, this is our
chance to finally go out and buy them their first
drink and that kind of thing. And if that's where
you're at, then that's fine. We're not being judging about it.
The thing that is worth highlighting here is that alcohol
is not necessary, and we have a culture that is
frankly obsessed with it, and yet we had a house
full of teenagers and early twenties kids who didn't ask,
(08:19):
didn't have any interest. We said a really clear boundary.
Our daughter was completely on board anyway, she's not interested
in it, and they, I mean, I kicked them out
a little after midnight because you and I had to
get up the next morning for some stuff. And I
was like, and we had kids that needed to get
up for it, Like it was like, guys, seriously, like
just go home already. And they didn't want to go.
They were having such a good time. It's like twelve thirty.
(08:40):
And I was like, no, no, no, it's so I've become
the grumpcha part, I've become the grump.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Well, if it's any consolation, it took me two days
to recover.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
I don't think you have. It's been a week and
I don't think you have. You might be right, yeah,
all right, Hey, after the break, a daughter who is
looking for a shout out on the pod and some
really good news about what happens when you work with
your kids in ways that buck trends, but still give
them framework, structures and guidance to be successful. This is
(09:19):
The Happy Family's podcast, Real Parenting Solutions. Every single day
we are Justin and Kylie Colson welcome back, Kylie. We've
got a fifteen year old daughter who listens clandestinely to
the podcast.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
She might have sat down at the dining table and
asked us what we're going to be talking about this week?
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Yeah, yeah, So a couple of times in the last
few weeks, I've heard her listening to the pod, Like
she'll be out in the yard, or she'll be on
the back deck or something, and I'm like, what are
you listening to? Oh, you're listening to She listens to
the Happy Family's podcast just for Fridays.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
She wants to know whether or knows she's talked about.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Right, So she's missing all the good stuff and she
just wants to hear the family news and stuff that
we share on our news day. So anyway, let's mention her, Lily,
because in case she's listening, this one's for you really
wants today to be all about her. You've already talked
about Annie, our eighteen year old. This one's fifteen. So
I want to go back to the party real quick.
She wasn't supposed to stay up all night with everyone else.
(10:12):
We did ask her to go to bed a couple
of times, and she just kept on looking at me
with those pleading eyes, like this is wholesome, this is fun,
this is good. I want to be part of it.
And eventually I got to the point where I was like,
I'm not going to argue with you and cause a
scene in front of everyone, but I'm not happy because
tomorrow you're going to be a disaster. That's what fifteen
year olds are like when they party too hard with
(10:33):
their big sisters, right. And so she said to me, Dad,
I promise I'll be perfect. I promise I'll be perfect,
big Woods. But we set it up so that she
knew that the expectation was the next day, she'll be perfect.
And guess what she was perfect?
Speaker 3 (10:47):
She was.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
And so you know what I did. As we got
to the end of Saturday, I commended her for being perfect.
I said, today, you have actually been outstanding. You've done
everything you said that you would do last night for
the privilege of staying up after midnight. But here's what
happens when you have a really late night like that.
Quite often it's not the next day that's bad, it's
the day after. So I said, I expect perfection from
(11:08):
you tomorrow as well. I milked it for an extra
day and she looked at me with those big beautiful
eyes and she said, okay, Daddy, And I was like, oh, yeah,
this is working. I think we should do this more often.
So I milked two days of perfection that fair. She
was pretty ready on Monday and Tuesday, come to think
of it, but we got two really good days out
(11:28):
of it.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Now.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
The other thing that I do want to highlight on,
and this is the big win. So we've made no
secret of the frustration that we experience with the school system. Generally,
the school system. Many teachers agree, many principles agree. We're
not the only ones saying this is it doesn't feel
like it's fit for purpose. It often feels like the
school playground environment is I'm just going to say I'm
(11:51):
healthy for a lot of kids, there's just some really
awful stuff that happens. So we're home schooling our youngest
at the moment. Although I'm starting to get tired of
that wanting.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
You're starting to get tired. Pid have you done well.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
I've tried a couple of times and she just fin'd
do it, and I'm like, gosh, this is hard. You seem
to have a lot more success, but I'm tired of
it on behalf of you? How's that?
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Thank you?
Speaker 1 (12:14):
And we put Lily into vocational school after a year
and a half of homeschooling, so she didn't want to
go back into a traditional system. She wanted to go
into like well, it's called the industry School, but it's
basically a vocational school where the kids are doing five
weeks of industry placement each term and then five weeks
of schoolwork and they're on a non etar path, which
is fine by me because I'm really begone gap years.
(12:36):
I've been researching for my book. Oh this is the
biggest news. Well, I can't believe I haven't told you this.
I haven't mentioned this on the podcast. Sorry interrupting the
story about Lily for just a sec. I have been
working how many hours a day for the last four six,
eight weeks?
Speaker 3 (12:49):
And ask me please?
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Fourteen fifteen, sixteen hours a day. It's been rotten seven
seven days a week.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Terrible, no good, very bad.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
And the news is as of today as i've today,
I have finished my book. The Boys book is done.
It is done.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
It's done.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Can I just hear some cheering from you? Please? Oh
my goodness, Oh I feel like I'm alive again, Like
this is so great. Anyway, the Boys book is done.
And this week as I was writing a chapter, I
was writing a chapter about gap years. There's actually a
whole lot of research. There's a whole lot of research
that shows that gap years lead to more motivated students,
gap years lead to better educational outcomes. And so back
(13:29):
to Lily. Oh gosh, I'm so excited. This book is done,
comes out early next year. Comes out early next year.
Jump on a Happy Families dot com dotu and register
your interest for this book called Boys. Oh it's going
to be such a good book. I think I think
it's going to tell one hundred thousand copies. I think
it's gonna be the best book that I've ever written.
I'm so pumped for it. Everyone, everyone who has a
boy is going to want to be on this book.
I've I've busted himself for three and a half years.
(13:50):
Let me get back to the story about Lily. Sorry,
I've suddenly I've suddenly found my energy, Kylie. I'm so pumped.
So because we're big on gap years, and the research
seems to support the use of gap years, and atar
is only relevant for the first two years out of
high school, then the ATAR is not relevant. You applied
for university as a mature age student on.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
The first first year twelve months.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Years two years is where it's valid. But then you
apply as a mature age student and you get into
UNI that way. And so we've put Lily into this
Industry School, which is a non ATAR school, because we
want her to have a gap year or two when
she's finished school. Anyway, go up and work, be productive,
learn about life, mature, grow up, and then if she
should choose to go to university, she will be able
(14:29):
to apply as mature age students say hey, look what
I've done last couple of years. I'm productive, and now
I really know that I want to go to UNI,
assuming that's the path that she chooses. But this week
she sat down with one of the big bosses, one
of the heads of school at her campus of the
Industry School, and she talked about what her long term
goals are well after high school, and she is now
getting herself organized for trainee ships, school based trainee ships,
(14:53):
and headstart courses for university so that she can make
sure that she's got the pre recks she reckons. She
knows where she wants to go, what she wants to do,
And I'm looking at this and just going the standardized
path is not what everyone has to do. There are
challenges no matter which way you go. But I just
felt so assured, so grateful, so delighted that she's stepping
into an area that fills her with delight. She loves
(15:16):
being at the school, well my own. She still has days,
but she loves what she's doing. And for me, this
the I'll do better tomorrow is if the standardized path
isn't working, stop trying to make it work. Stop trying
to force your kids to fit into something that doesn't fit,
because there are so many alternative pathways that can be
so so so beneficial for the kids. That's it.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
So what I love about what Lily's doing right now
is just the fact that she's been able to tap
into an area that she loves, but she also recognizes
that it doesn't have a lot of longevity. It's not
an area that she could do for the rest of
her life, and so the school has worked with her
to help her recognize the other areas that she could
(15:58):
navigate now as a high school student, to prepare her
for the future.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
It's so great.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
She's not boxed in. They're actually widening her horizons and
her perspective and her viewpoint on what ourse is out there.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Ironically, on half the amount of time spending the classroom
with non atar subjects and non atar pathways. And this
is the thing that I want to emphasize so strongly.
If your kids don't love school, if your children aren't
showing any academic promise, if it looks like they're really
faltering and unsure, life is long, and there are so
many opportunities for them after school, and there are even
(16:37):
so many opportunities for them in school to head in
different directions. That's my older bit of tomorrow. I hope
that Lifiel's pleased that we've mentioned her name enough times
in the podcast today.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
Well maybe because we've mentioned them enough times, she might
get to school on time. What do you reckon?
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Well, it's Queensland school holidays, so we don't have to
even think about that for a couple of weeks, like
for the next couple of weeks more, no more dramas
around that. Hey, we really appreciate that you've been listening
to a Happy Families podcast. Thank you for choosing to
spend your time with us. It really does mean a lot.
Queensland and Victoria are on school holidays as of today,
so to the Northern Territory. The other states they pick
(17:14):
it up in the next couple of weeks. Have a
great weekend if the kids are on holidays, enjoy. We'll
continue to have podcasts for you every single day right
through the holidays because this is Australia's most downlad period
in podcast and we know that it makes a difference
in making your family happier. If you'd like more resources
about making your family happier, visit us at Happyfamilies dot
com dot you and remember to subscribe so that we
(17:35):
can let you know everything about the upcoming Boys book
launch in the next few months.
I'll Do Better Tomorrow. It's the Happy Families Podcast, the
most downloaded parenting podcast in Australia, and today on the pod,
a nine dollars ninety nine Bunnings hack that could revolutionize
your relationship with your kids, a needy daughter who just
has to be talked about in today's podcast, and a
big eighteenth in our home. How did we handle all
(00:28):
of the challenges that come with an eighteenth at a
small suburban block. We'll discuss that and a whole lot
more right after this. Gooday thanks to joining us on
the Happy Families Podcast, Real parenting solutions every day. We
are Justin and Kylie Coulson. A couple of news items
before we get into I'll Do Better Tomorrow. First up,
Yours truly featured on the Will and Woody radio show
(00:51):
on Kiss one oh six point five in Sydney this week.
The big topic was an ABC article talking about how
dad's a shirking response ability when it comes to talking
about intimacy, talking about those special kinds of connection, Kylie,
those special moments, and I got in there and said,
dads are not pulling their weight. They need to do better.
(01:13):
How is dad's not talking to young boys about sex
affecting them.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
This is such a tricky one to answer, guys, but
fundamentally what's happening is the load is falling on mum's
dads are shirking it. And in research where teenage boys
are interviewed about this, as much as they pretend that
they don't care, they don't want to know, and they
know it all already, they actually consistently say that they
want to hear about it, specifically from their dads.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Your reactions.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
So many times dads just leave those tricky conversations to
mum and expect that she's going to do it all.
But what they're missing is the acknowledgment that there's two
sides to the story and our kids need to hear it.
They need to actually understand and know the ins and
outs of both sides.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
I can't believe you said ins and outs with a
conversation like this, but thanks so much. Was it in appropriate?
Oh my goodness, so sorry. I hope that doesn't get
me canceled. The other thing that I was going to
say that they missed, I said it is the yeah
I made the joke. Is the connection, the quality of
the connection, like you have these moments with the kids
and they just made it so much. Anyway, that was
(02:22):
a big interview and I felt like I really enjoyed
talking to William Woody. I've had a number of conversations
with them recently and it always goes well, they're great listeners,
like they're really in the moment, and I love that
about being on air with people who are like that.
Some people just rush through the conversation. These guys nail it.
In other news, something that caught my attention this week
and I thought, well, it's not really a full episode,
(02:42):
but I could mention it quickly on Friday, where I
usually drop whatever is going on. And izy Mum, a
teenage son, has shared the unlikely item that has helped
her unlock a genius parenting hack. It's ten bucks. You
can get it at Bunnings. It's a wireless doorbill.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
When you have a teenager games and so many of
them do like he's either got his big headset on
and he's X boxing his life away, or he's got
air pods in and he's listening to music, in which
case he will never hear me. Okay, he's disconnecting from
our family. So the doorbell allows me to communicate with
(03:20):
him without me raising my voice. So he hears the doorbell.
It's an immediate Pavlov's dog type of reaction. He walks
upstairs and he says, yes, Mum, he loves it. I
love it. We all love it. It's working so well
for us Kylie.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Podcaster and former radio host Lisa Carlaw grab that doorbell
at Buddings because she was sick of yelling out to
her teenage son in his bedroom. There's no pestering, there's
no nagging, there's no hankering, and if he doesn't show up,
she just gets to push the doorbell again.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Is she a mum's fred? Go on? I'm sure, I'm
sure I remember you telling me that your mum did
something similar when you guys were growing up.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
No, not that I can remember. I mean I've heard
I've heard stories of bells ringing and that kind of stuff.
But this is genius because it only rings in his room.
Speaker 3 (04:09):
Well, she only has one child, obviously. Could you imagine
I would have to have a smaller sport with six storebells.
It reminds me of like Cinderella. Cinderella and all those
bedrooms are dinging for her attention.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Well, well, really, we have a small house, so first
of all, we don't have to yell. We just have
to speak somebody's name and they hearers. But secondly, because
we have a small house and the kids are all
sharing rooms, we'd only need three door bells.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Yeah. See, our hackers actually speak as quiet as possible,
and you can bet your bottom dollar they'll hear it.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Yeah, there's nothing the matter with their hearing, even though
they pretend. All right, Kylie, this is the bit where
we step into the week that was. We talk about
what worked and what didn't I'll do better tomorrow. It's
an opportunity for us to be intentional and give every
mum and dad listening to the podcast a chance to
reflect on their own week, think about what they would
do in this situation, and hopefully nail it when it
happens for them. You're up first.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
So we mentioned a couple of weeks ago that our
baby number four turned eighteen, and so over the last
handful of months, she's been invited to a handful of
parties that would either be celebrating seventeen or eighteen year olds.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Yeah, like kids are finishing high school. These are the big.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Days yeah, And as a result, we've had to have
lots of conversations about what behaviors are going to be
president at the party, whether or not they'll be alcohol.
And I was really surprised. One of her really close
friends was having a party and I know that she
doesn't drink, and when I asked our daughter if there
(05:37):
was going to be alcohol at the party, she said, yeah,
but her parents aren't supplying it. It's just to bring
your own kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
The answer is always yes. At this age, right end
of your eleven and of your twelve, the answer is essentially,
if the kid's going to a party, there's going to
be booz there's going to be grown, there's going to
be there's going to be plonk caller what you will.
There's going to be kids that are completely stonkeerd in
the bushes somewhere because they've just gone way too hard.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
It just it intrigues me that people who and parents
specifically who aren't drinkers, are allowing kids to come along
who are underage and bring their own alcohol. And so
with her party coming up, it was there was no
conversation needed, Like it was, it was entirely agreed upon
(06:18):
with both of us that there would be no alcohol.
And what I loved was watching these eighteen plus year
old kids it come into our home and just play
games like I'm talking the bad game. If you haven't
played the bad game, you've got to play the bad game. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
I don't know if it's got a proper name, but
it's a bad game. It's just a flexibility test. Like
you put one of those you can do it with
the cereal box. It doesn't really matter. Just something that
sits on its base and is upright and you can
tear so you have no hands, no floor, no knees, right,
so just staying on your feet, you've got to be
able to bend down, use your mouth to pick it up,
and then you rip around like you gets. Yeah, rip
(06:57):
a centimeter or five centimeters or whatever you want out
of the top of the box, and the next person
is therefore going a bit lower. They made so much
noise you would think that it was the biggest night
of the year in football. And we had the entire
nable here. Every time somebody's like, come on, you can
do it, you can do it, and they're stretching all
the way down and then when they.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Go it pulls a hammy.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
It was amazing. This is at ten o'clock at night.
They're screaming the neighborhood down because and no alcohol involved, right,
So you can have fun and not drink.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
And that's what I loved, And I really just want
to highlight the opportunity we have to help our children
recognize and witness that you can have fun without the
aid of substance, whether that be drugs or alcohol, and
that it's all about the company that you keep. And
so having these kids in our home and just seeing
(07:46):
them excited to be together and to spend time together
and be able to remember what happened the next day,
it was a highlight of my week.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Yeah. I mean there's a lot of people who will
be like, no, no, no, because they're eighteen, this is our
chance to finally go out and buy them their first
drink and that kind of thing. And if that's where
you're at, then that's fine. We're not being judging about it.
The thing that is worth highlighting here is that alcohol
is not necessary, and we have a culture that is
frankly obsessed with it, and yet we had a house
full of teenagers and early twenties kids who didn't ask,
(08:19):
didn't have any interest. We said a really clear boundary.
Our daughter was completely on board anyway, she's not interested
in it, and they, I mean, I kicked them out
a little after midnight because you and I had to
get up the next morning for some stuff. And I
was like, and we had kids that needed to get
up for it, Like it was like, guys, seriously, like
just go home already. And they didn't want to go.
They were having such a good time. It's like twelve thirty.
(08:40):
And I was like, no, no, no, it's so I've become
the grumpcha part, I've become the grump.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Well, if it's any consolation, it took me two days
to recover.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
I don't think you have. It's been a week and
I don't think you have. You might be right, yeah,
all right, Hey, after the break, a daughter who is
looking for a shout out on the pod and some
really good news about what happens when you work with
your kids in ways that buck trends, but still give
them framework, structures and guidance to be successful. This is
(09:19):
The Happy Family's podcast, Real Parenting Solutions. Every single day
we are Justin and Kylie Colson welcome back, Kylie. We've
got a fifteen year old daughter who listens clandestinely to
the podcast.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
She might have sat down at the dining table and
asked us what we're going to be talking about this week?
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Yeah, yeah, So a couple of times in the last
few weeks, I've heard her listening to the pod, Like
she'll be out in the yard, or she'll be on
the back deck or something, and I'm like, what are
you listening to? Oh, you're listening to She listens to
the Happy Family's podcast just for Fridays.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
She wants to know whether or knows she's talked about.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Right, So she's missing all the good stuff and she
just wants to hear the family news and stuff that
we share on our news day. So anyway, let's mention her, Lily,
because in case she's listening, this one's for you really
wants today to be all about her. You've already talked
about Annie, our eighteen year old. This one's fifteen. So
I want to go back to the party real quick.
She wasn't supposed to stay up all night with everyone else.
(10:12):
We did ask her to go to bed a couple
of times, and she just kept on looking at me
with those pleading eyes, like this is wholesome, this is fun,
this is good. I want to be part of it.
And eventually I got to the point where I was like,
I'm not going to argue with you and cause a
scene in front of everyone, but I'm not happy because
tomorrow you're going to be a disaster. That's what fifteen
year olds are like when they party too hard with
(10:33):
their big sisters, right. And so she said to me, Dad,
I promise I'll be perfect. I promise I'll be perfect,
big Woods. But we set it up so that she
knew that the expectation was the next day, she'll be perfect.
And guess what she was perfect?
Speaker 3 (10:47):
She was.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
And so you know what I did. As we got
to the end of Saturday, I commended her for being perfect.
I said, today, you have actually been outstanding. You've done
everything you said that you would do last night for
the privilege of staying up after midnight. But here's what
happens when you have a really late night like that.
Quite often it's not the next day that's bad, it's
the day after. So I said, I expect perfection from
(11:08):
you tomorrow as well. I milked it for an extra
day and she looked at me with those big beautiful
eyes and she said, okay, Daddy, And I was like, oh, yeah,
this is working. I think we should do this more often.
So I milked two days of perfection that fair. She
was pretty ready on Monday and Tuesday, come to think
of it, but we got two really good days out
(11:28):
of it.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Now.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
The other thing that I do want to highlight on,
and this is the big win. So we've made no
secret of the frustration that we experience with the school system. Generally,
the school system. Many teachers agree, many principles agree. We're
not the only ones saying this is it doesn't feel
like it's fit for purpose. It often feels like the
school playground environment is I'm just going to say I'm
(11:51):
healthy for a lot of kids, there's just some really
awful stuff that happens. So we're home schooling our youngest
at the moment. Although I'm starting to get tired of
that wanting.
Speaker 3 (12:01):
You're starting to get tired. Pid have you done well.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
I've tried a couple of times and she just fin'd
do it, and I'm like, gosh, this is hard. You seem
to have a lot more success, but I'm tired of
it on behalf of you? How's that?
Speaker 3 (12:13):
Thank you?
Speaker 1 (12:14):
And we put Lily into vocational school after a year
and a half of homeschooling, so she didn't want to
go back into a traditional system. She wanted to go
into like well, it's called the industry School, but it's
basically a vocational school where the kids are doing five
weeks of industry placement each term and then five weeks
of schoolwork and they're on a non etar path, which
is fine by me because I'm really begone gap years.
(12:36):
I've been researching for my book. Oh this is the
biggest news. Well, I can't believe I haven't told you this.
I haven't mentioned this on the podcast. Sorry interrupting the
story about Lily for just a sec. I have been
working how many hours a day for the last four six,
eight weeks?
Speaker 3 (12:49):
And ask me please?
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Fourteen fifteen, sixteen hours a day. It's been rotten seven
seven days a week.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Terrible, no good, very bad.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
And the news is as of today as i've today,
I have finished my book. The Boys book is done.
It is done.
Speaker 4 (13:05):
It's done.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Can I just hear some cheering from you? Please? Oh
my goodness, Oh I feel like I'm alive again, Like
this is so great. Anyway, the Boys book is done.
And this week as I was writing a chapter, I
was writing a chapter about gap years. There's actually a
whole lot of research. There's a whole lot of research
that shows that gap years lead to more motivated students,
gap years lead to better educational outcomes. And so back
(13:29):
to Lily. Oh gosh, I'm so excited. This book is done,
comes out early next year. Comes out early next year.
Jump on a Happy Families dot com dotu and register
your interest for this book called Boys. Oh it's going
to be such a good book. I think I think
it's going to tell one hundred thousand copies. I think
it's gonna be the best book that I've ever written.
I'm so pumped for it. Everyone, everyone who has a
boy is going to want to be on this book.
I've I've busted himself for three and a half years.
(13:50):
Let me get back to the story about Lily. Sorry,
I've suddenly I've suddenly found my energy, Kylie. I'm so pumped.
So because we're big on gap years, and the research
seems to support the use of gap years, and atar
is only relevant for the first two years out of
high school, then the ATAR is not relevant. You applied
for university as a mature age student on.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
The first first year twelve months.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
Years two years is where it's valid. But then you
apply as a mature age student and you get into
UNI that way. And so we've put Lily into this
Industry School, which is a non ATAR school, because we
want her to have a gap year or two when
she's finished school. Anyway, go up and work, be productive,
learn about life, mature, grow up, and then if she
should choose to go to university, she will be able
(14:29):
to apply as mature age students say hey, look what
I've done last couple of years. I'm productive, and now
I really know that I want to go to UNI,
assuming that's the path that she chooses. But this week
she sat down with one of the big bosses, one
of the heads of school at her campus of the
Industry School, and she talked about what her long term
goals are well after high school, and she is now
getting herself organized for trainee ships, school based trainee ships,
(14:53):
and headstart courses for university so that she can make
sure that she's got the pre recks she reckons. She
knows where she wants to go, what she wants to do,
And I'm looking at this and just going the standardized
path is not what everyone has to do. There are
challenges no matter which way you go. But I just
felt so assured, so grateful, so delighted that she's stepping
into an area that fills her with delight. She loves
(15:16):
being at the school, well my own. She still has days,
but she loves what she's doing. And for me, this
the I'll do better tomorrow is if the standardized path
isn't working, stop trying to make it work. Stop trying
to force your kids to fit into something that doesn't fit,
because there are so many alternative pathways that can be
so so so beneficial for the kids. That's it.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
So what I love about what Lily's doing right now
is just the fact that she's been able to tap
into an area that she loves, but she also recognizes
that it doesn't have a lot of longevity. It's not
an area that she could do for the rest of
her life, and so the school has worked with her
to help her recognize the other areas that she could
(15:58):
navigate now as a high school student, to prepare her
for the future.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
It's so great.
Speaker 3 (16:06):
She's not boxed in. They're actually widening her horizons and
her perspective and her viewpoint on what ourse is out there.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Ironically, on half the amount of time spending the classroom
with non atar subjects and non atar pathways. And this
is the thing that I want to emphasize so strongly.
If your kids don't love school, if your children aren't
showing any academic promise, if it looks like they're really
faltering and unsure, life is long, and there are so
many opportunities for them after school, and there are even
(16:37):
so many opportunities for them in school to head in
different directions. That's my older bit of tomorrow. I hope
that Lifiel's pleased that we've mentioned her name enough times
in the podcast today.
Speaker 3 (16:47):
Well maybe because we've mentioned them enough times, she might
get to school on time. What do you reckon?
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Well, it's Queensland school holidays, so we don't have to
even think about that for a couple of weeks, like
for the next couple of weeks more, no more dramas
around that. Hey, we really appreciate that you've been listening
to a Happy Families podcast. Thank you for choosing to
spend your time with us. It really does mean a lot.
Queensland and Victoria are on school holidays as of today,
so to the Northern Territory. The other states they pick
(17:14):
it up in the next couple of weeks. Have a
great weekend if the kids are on holidays, enjoy. We'll
continue to have podcasts for you every single day right
through the holidays because this is Australia's most downlad period
in podcast and we know that it makes a difference
in making your family happier. If you'd like more resources
about making your family happier, visit us at Happyfamilies dot
com dot you and remember to subscribe so that we
(17:35):
can let you know everything about the upcoming Boys book
launch in the next few months.
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