January 16, 2023 • 8 mins
Summer Series
Topics included in this episode -
- When have things been best for your family?
Find us on Facebook at Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families
Email us your questions and comments at podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
The time poor parent who just wants answers.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Now it's The Happy Family's podcast summer series with doctor
Justin Coulson and Kylie, my wife, mum to our six kids.
Kylie another short podcast today focusing on back to basics.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
That's what we're.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Trying to do all this week, just focus on the
basic stuff. And today's question is when have things been
their best? See a lot of people say I want
my family to be happier, I want to do this right.
I want to get that right, and there's this struggle
in terms of knowing, well, how am I supposed to
do it? Where am I supposed to go? How am
I supposed to get this right? Today's conversation really is
(00:43):
if you want to get it right, think about when
you've got it right before, what's been happening, When has
it been best? And then what can you do.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
To recreate that? So can I ask you when have
things been best for you?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
The first nine months of last year I think, hands
down with some of the best months of my life,
and it came down to just being so intentional about
how I chose to spend my time but a few
I think really important blocks that made those months so
(01:16):
positive and enlivening for me was stretching. It's such a
simple thing, but ten minutes of stretching and just it's
a mindful activity, right. You've got to be in the moment.
You've got to be so aware of how your body feels,
where it needs more stretching, where it needs more attention,
and you're focused on your breath. And so it's just that,
(01:40):
you know, drawing in that beautiful fresh air into your
body and restoring all of the muscles after.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
A you know, a night's sleep.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
So I hear you say stretching, and I instantly go,
oh gee, And I'm supposed to do that, but I'm
an active person and I have too many things to do.
I don't have time top and stretch, and.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
That's how I've spent most of my life. But like
I said, nine months last year focused on those practices
made such a difference. I felt more relaxed than I've
felt in a lifetime, and more attentive to my needs
and our children's needs.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
So that's fascinating when we hear about parents who are
trying to manage fatigue, who are exhausted, who are overwhelmed,
who and a lot of parents will say, I don't
have time to be mindful, I don't have time to meditate.
I'm not interested and it doesn't work for me. I'm
just thinking. I mean, I've never seen any research on this.
I don't know that it's actually been researched. But the
way you've described your stretching practice is very much in
(02:39):
line with what other research would say around the whole
mindful this thing.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
It's about slowing things down.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
It's about being intentional, it's about being focused, it's about breathing,
it's about all that.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Stuff that makes a difference.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
You've almost inspired me to want to start stretching, Like seriously,
that sounds really really smart, and like you t ask.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Me how I went the last three months last.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Year, But for ten minutes, that's really all it takes.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, it's not a long practice. It's just giving your
body the opportunity to move in really gentle ways before
you ask it and demand of it. The things that
we do each day.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Ask me when things have been best?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
When have things been best for you?
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Honey, I'm actually going to say really quite recently, so
for the last fifteen years, I've been pretty selfish.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
With my time.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Early in the mornings, I've gotten up every morning somewhere
between four thirty and five o'clock and gone for a
bike ride. Sometimes it's been earlier four o'clock, sometimes a
bit later, maybe five thirty. But essentially, bike riding has
been my life for the last fifteen years in terms
of recreation, and obviously it has been every single day,
but it's been most days most of the time. I've
put my bike on the shelf in the last couple
of months and started to really focus on having mornings
(03:50):
with you, mornings with the kids being present, going for runs,
going for serfs, being around for breakfast and doing all
that sort of thing. And it's really for me, is
the parenting expert who's supposed to have been giving everyone
all these guidance on how to make their family happy.
It's really hard for me to say this, but I
think that I've missed out on a lot over the
last fifteen years because I've prioritized. I've prioritized exercise, cycling,
(04:13):
being with my buddies, and my health. Now, this is
a bit of a tricky one because we've still got
to look after our health.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
And we're dealing with the balancing act right now, trying
to work out how to make this all work. Because
while you have spent so much time taking care of
yourself physically for so many years, that has been such
an imperative part of you been able to do the
things that you've been able to accomplish.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Like, I really think that it's contributed
to my overwell being and productivity and capability and capacity.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
But now that the kids are older and have greater
capacity to get up earlier and participate in the activities
that you are encouraging them to participate in, what I'm
loving is actually seeing their love of those things increase.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Yeah, it's been really awesome, whether it's going for bike
ride or going for a run and seeing them run
further than they've ever run, or watching watching one of
the kids the other day she caught waves on her
own and stood up on her own and went across
the wave on her own, I mean, and the stoke
that was in her eyes.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
So this is kind of a bit of a wake
up call for me.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
I've always said kids spell love time, and we've made
sure that they've had lots of time It's not like
the kids have been tremendously deprived because I've been exercising,
But just this reshuffle of priorities at the moment has it.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Feels really good. It feels really good.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Well, when you look at any given day and recognize
that there is so many moving parts in our lives,
with so many different schedules that we've got to work,
those early hours in the morning are pretty much the
only time where you can guarantee that we're all in
the same space, whether we're awake or not. And so
being able to maximize the time with them and in
(06:03):
that way and prioritize it in the way you have
has meant that it actually happens firstly, and everyone can
be involved. And I just like I said, I'm loving it.
I'm loving the renewed energy that I'm feeling in the
house as a result of the kids feeling more and
more connected.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Well, I'm going to start stretching. You've inspired me.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Hopefully this podcast has inspired some thinking around when things
have been best, how can you go back to basics?
How can you recreate what you once had if it
used to be better? And if you can't recreate it
because circumstances have changed as they do, what can you
do that would most closely resemble or replicate that.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I think it goes back to that conversation we had
the other day about the tightrope. You know, there are
so many moving parts, and just when you think you've
got it right, something changes, and so you might not
be going back to the same thing to recreate the
feelings that you had. So it's reassessing the situation and
finding what is the thing that you need right now?
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Yeah, one of the I know we need to wrap
this up, but just to extend on that a little bit.
One of the main reasons that I'm completely shifting what
I'm doing in the mornings is because we've had kids
that have had driver's licenses who have been able to
assist with transport and movement with extracurricular activities in the mornings.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
That has disappeared.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
The kids with the driver's licenses are now in other
active parts of their lives. Therefore the driving around falls
back on you and I, which means that I can't
do what I would normally have done. So it's created
a need for a full reordering of priorities and a
restructuring of schedules, and.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
I'm okay with that.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
I think that we're I think we were dialing it
in pretty nicely. I guess flexibility is maybe at the
heart of everything that we're talking about here. We hope
that there's been some inspiration, some useful ideas in this podcast.
Back tomorrow with one of our best of a conversation
with Amanda Keller that is guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
To bring tears to your eyes. As the Happy
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Families Podcast summer series
It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
The time poor parent who just wants answers.
Speaker 3 (00:10):
Now it's The Happy Family's podcast summer series with doctor
Justin Coulson and Kylie, my wife, mum to our six kids.
Kylie another short podcast today focusing on back to basics.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
That's what we're.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Trying to do all this week, just focus on the
basic stuff. And today's question is when have things been
their best? See a lot of people say I want
my family to be happier, I want to do this right.
I want to get that right, and there's this struggle
in terms of knowing, well, how am I supposed to
do it? Where am I supposed to go? How am
I supposed to get this right? Today's conversation really is
(00:43):
if you want to get it right, think about when
you've got it right before, what's been happening, When has
it been best? And then what can you do.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
To recreate that? So can I ask you when have
things been best for you?
Speaker 2 (00:54):
The first nine months of last year I think, hands
down with some of the best months of my life,
and it came down to just being so intentional about
how I chose to spend my time but a few
I think really important blocks that made those months so
(01:16):
positive and enlivening for me was stretching. It's such a
simple thing, but ten minutes of stretching and just it's
a mindful activity, right. You've got to be in the moment.
You've got to be so aware of how your body feels,
where it needs more stretching, where it needs more attention,
and you're focused on your breath. And so it's just that,
(01:40):
you know, drawing in that beautiful fresh air into your
body and restoring all of the muscles after.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
A you know, a night's sleep.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
So I hear you say stretching, and I instantly go,
oh gee, And I'm supposed to do that, but I'm
an active person and I have too many things to do.
I don't have time top and stretch, and.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
That's how I've spent most of my life. But like
I said, nine months last year focused on those practices
made such a difference. I felt more relaxed than I've
felt in a lifetime, and more attentive to my needs
and our children's needs.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
So that's fascinating when we hear about parents who are
trying to manage fatigue, who are exhausted, who are overwhelmed,
who and a lot of parents will say, I don't
have time to be mindful, I don't have time to meditate.
I'm not interested and it doesn't work for me. I'm
just thinking. I mean, I've never seen any research on this.
I don't know that it's actually been researched. But the
way you've described your stretching practice is very much in
(02:39):
line with what other research would say around the whole
mindful this thing.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
It's about slowing things down.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
It's about being intentional, it's about being focused, it's about breathing,
it's about all that.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Stuff that makes a difference.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
You've almost inspired me to want to start stretching, Like seriously,
that sounds really really smart, and like you t ask.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Me how I went the last three months last.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Year, But for ten minutes, that's really all it takes.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Yeah, it's not a long practice. It's just giving your
body the opportunity to move in really gentle ways before
you ask it and demand of it. The things that
we do each day.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Ask me when things have been best?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
When have things been best for you?
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Honey, I'm actually going to say really quite recently, so
for the last fifteen years, I've been pretty selfish.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
With my time.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Early in the mornings, I've gotten up every morning somewhere
between four thirty and five o'clock and gone for a
bike ride. Sometimes it's been earlier four o'clock, sometimes a
bit later, maybe five thirty. But essentially, bike riding has
been my life for the last fifteen years in terms
of recreation, and obviously it has been every single day,
but it's been most days most of the time. I've
put my bike on the shelf in the last couple
of months and started to really focus on having mornings
(03:50):
with you, mornings with the kids being present, going for runs,
going for serfs, being around for breakfast and doing all
that sort of thing. And it's really for me, is
the parenting expert who's supposed to have been giving everyone
all these guidance on how to make their family happy.
It's really hard for me to say this, but I
think that I've missed out on a lot over the
last fifteen years because I've prioritized. I've prioritized exercise, cycling,
(04:13):
being with my buddies, and my health. Now, this is
a bit of a tricky one because we've still got
to look after our health.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
And we're dealing with the balancing act right now, trying
to work out how to make this all work. Because
while you have spent so much time taking care of
yourself physically for so many years, that has been such
an imperative part of you been able to do the
things that you've been able to accomplish.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Like, I really think that it's contributed
to my overwell being and productivity and capability and capacity.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
But now that the kids are older and have greater
capacity to get up earlier and participate in the activities
that you are encouraging them to participate in, what I'm
loving is actually seeing their love of those things increase.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Yeah, it's been really awesome, whether it's going for bike
ride or going for a run and seeing them run
further than they've ever run, or watching watching one of
the kids the other day she caught waves on her
own and stood up on her own and went across
the wave on her own, I mean, and the stoke
that was in her eyes.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
So this is kind of a bit of a wake
up call for me.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
I've always said kids spell love time, and we've made
sure that they've had lots of time It's not like
the kids have been tremendously deprived because I've been exercising,
But just this reshuffle of priorities at the moment has it.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Feels really good. It feels really good.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Well, when you look at any given day and recognize
that there is so many moving parts in our lives,
with so many different schedules that we've got to work,
those early hours in the morning are pretty much the
only time where you can guarantee that we're all in
the same space, whether we're awake or not. And so
being able to maximize the time with them and in
(06:03):
that way and prioritize it in the way you have
has meant that it actually happens firstly, and everyone can
be involved. And I just like I said, I'm loving it.
I'm loving the renewed energy that I'm feeling in the
house as a result of the kids feeling more and
more connected.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Well, I'm going to start stretching. You've inspired me.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Hopefully this podcast has inspired some thinking around when things
have been best, how can you go back to basics?
How can you recreate what you once had if it
used to be better? And if you can't recreate it
because circumstances have changed as they do, what can you
do that would most closely resemble or replicate that.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I think it goes back to that conversation we had
the other day about the tightrope. You know, there are
so many moving parts, and just when you think you've
got it right, something changes, and so you might not
be going back to the same thing to recreate the
feelings that you had. So it's reassessing the situation and
finding what is the thing that you need right now?
Speaker 3 (07:01):
Yeah, one of the I know we need to wrap
this up, but just to extend on that a little bit.
One of the main reasons that I'm completely shifting what
I'm doing in the mornings is because we've had kids
that have had driver's licenses who have been able to
assist with transport and movement with extracurricular activities in the mornings.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
That has disappeared.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
The kids with the driver's licenses are now in other
active parts of their lives. Therefore the driving around falls
back on you and I, which means that I can't
do what I would normally have done. So it's created
a need for a full reordering of priorities and a
restructuring of schedules, and.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
I'm okay with that.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
I think that we're I think we were dialing it
in pretty nicely. I guess flexibility is maybe at the
heart of everything that we're talking about here. We hope
that there's been some inspiration, some useful ideas in this podcast.
Back tomorrow with one of our best of a conversation
with Amanda Keller that is guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
To bring tears to your eyes. As the Happy
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Families Podcast summer series
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