Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
This is the Happy Families Podcast. Daycare, family, daycare, early
learning centers, children who are emotional and struggling. There's so
much to navigate when you're trying to figure out how
to keep the family afloat, get the kids looked after,
manage life, and put your children in the place where
they're going to have the best opportunities, the best experiences,
(00:26):
the best outcomes. Today on the Happy Families Podcast, we
answer one of your tricky questions. You can send your
questions to us via Happy families dot com dot au.
This one is about the childcare challenges that families face.
Will answer that next. Stay with us, Good day, Welcome
to Happy Families Podcast. Real parenting solutions every single day.
(00:49):
On Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast, we are Justin and
Kylie Coulson. Kylie, my mouth's not working today. I don't
know how to say it. My lips aren't opening properly.
I don't I feel like I can't enunciate and particulate.
You might need to run this one for us before
we get into it. If you have a tricky question.
Every Tuesday, we answer your tricky questions. All you have
to do is go to happy families dot com dot A.
You press the record button and start talking. We'll answer
(01:13):
questions about anything. Today it's a question about childcare. I'll
also take your voice notes. You can email the to
podcasts at happyfamilies dot com dot AU. I feel like
I'm about to run out of puff, Kylie, so let
me hit this button and let's have a listen to
the question from Claire.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Hi justin, Kylie. My name is Claire. I am hoping
for your thoughts on elsc's so early learning centers versus childcares.
My little one is two and a half. She's never
been to childcare. We intended to send her, but when
we did the local tours when she was about twelve
months old, these weren't really great centers. I know there
(01:50):
are some really awesome ones out there, but the local
ones close to us we weren't. Really we didn't feel
very confident in. However, we've since enrolled her in a
local school's eels where she'd attend just after she turns
three years old, for three days a week. It's Reggio
Amelia Base. I don't know if I'm saying that right.
It looks good, but I wanted your thoughts on whether
(02:12):
eocs are appropriate at the age of three versus sort
of childcare. The second sort of component to this is
that I'll describe my little one as very deeply feeling.
She's got beautiful, big emotions, but that can mean that
things can escalate quite quickly. And something that can happen
if she gets distressed and I'm not able to help
(02:34):
her find a place of calm as I say, quickly enough,
is that she can vomit. So, for example, I left
her with one of my parents the other day she
missed me. There was just for an hour, but she
ended up crying so hard she threw up. This can
also happen if I don't get to her quickly enough
during the night and we're talking, you know, not like
(02:55):
five minutes, like three minutes. I appreciate any tips on that.
I'm a bit concerned about how this is going to
play into a transition to EOC I guess the context
is we don't have much family around and we are
expecting another little one, so that help for that extra
three days a week is something I'm kind of thinking
would be great. Thank you guys, soo much. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
Okay, Kylie there's a couple of things to address here.
Let's first off start with just the what are we
talking about? Parameters, definitions, logistics. You've got all kinds of
different care for children that are available. Let's just break
that down. You've got a background in the industry. I
spend a lot of time working in and adjacent to
the industry. Family daycare, daycare, ELC, and whatever else is
out there. What have we got?
Speaker 3 (03:37):
So there isn't really much difference between daycare centers and
early learning centers.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Yeah, I'm saying the same same.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
Yeah, they really are. There's just been I guess a
negative connotation placed on long daycare for so long that we've.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Reframed it's a rebrand and.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Rebranded to I guess help you feel more positive about
putting your children into care.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Put some Lippyon, make the buildings a little bit more modern,
and all of a sudden, it's a learning cetter rather
than a long daycare.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
And usually early learning centers are associated with much bigger conglomerates.
You know, they're not one offs.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yeah they're not. They're not necessarily independent or small groups. Okay,
but you've also got family daycares.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
So family daycare is great because it's you know, somebody
that you would develop a relationship with and there's only three, four, five,
maybe six children.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
It happens at someone's house.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Yeah, so it's a lot more low key and more
personal and intimate.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
And then you've got the higher expense stuff like you
could get a personal nanny or something like that. I
don't know if it's available.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Whatever it is, we can actually have to be We
actually had a nanny for a small time, and by
the time you include free board and free food, you're
not actually paying them a huge amount more and I
would say that compared to daycare costs, you're actually going
to come out probably a little bit. When in front.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
You just need to have a spare bedroom for them too,
and you've got to have somebody living with you or
at least.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
The great thing about a nanny is that they actually
can do more than just take care of the kids.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Yeah, we had somebody who was helping out for about
a year and a half and it made a big
difference at a very very hard time in our lives.
There's one other form, and that's.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Sessional kindergarten creation kindy kind of setups, and they're great too.
Because they've got a specific start time and finished time.
They're shorter days, and again usually you've got smaller ratios.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Right, So structure is really a key component of what
goes on with those sessional ones you do, like a
five day fortnight it might be Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday this
week and then Monday Tuesday next week. Or it's Wednesday, Thursday,
Friday this week and then Thursday Friday next Week's okay,
so let's talk about what to look like look for
I should say, when you're doing the tours, Kylie, I'd
(05:48):
like to live in some of the childcare centers that
I've been able to work in and tour through. They've
got the chef, They've got all the fancy comfortable beds
for the kids to have their layd down on, Like
these are some incredible views some of these places. Some
of them are a lot less impressive, have far fewer resources.
And yet when I think about the experiences that our
(06:08):
children had as we had them in various forms of
care through the years, I think that at Cannon Hill,
just Morningside in Brisbane, the CNK, the Croatian Kindergarten there,
one of the best experiences we had for a couple
of our kids there, and then in Wollongong at a
little spot called Kiraville, there was like a I guess
it was a sessional kind of care place, wasn't it.
(06:30):
And we had a daughter there who Both of these
places they did not look fancy. If you did it
tour and you were looking for all the mod cons,
you were definitely at the risk of sounding snobby, turn
up your nose and go not quite we're looking for.
But the kids had the right kind of ratio, low
numbers of children to staff, they had loads and loads
(06:52):
and loads of activities, and most of their time was
spent outside. So when I'm thinking what do I want
for my child in an early learning context, in a
childcare context, I'm thinking structure. I'm thinking connection, and I'm
thinking the opportunity to be outside and have as much
freedom to play and explore as possible. And when I
(07:15):
say structure, I don't mean we're going to do this
for an hour, then this for an hour, then this
for an hour. I mean I know what days I'm
showing up and at what time, and I've got that
regular structure in my week. For me, the biggest thing
Claire would be you're really at the mercy of the staff.
I want a place that doesn't have any any breaches,
that has low staff turnover, and that has low ratios,
(07:37):
so we've got lots and lots of staff for very
few children. To me, that's going to be the best way.
It's not a very profitable way to run a business,
which is why the community kindergartens, the more structured kind
of kindergartens, tend to be the better way forward.
Speaker 3 (07:53):
So for me, I think the most important question to
ask ourselves is why are we doing it? Often we
feel like it's just the expected next step. In this case,
clears acknowledge he is having another baby, and she would
really like a little bit of downtime to be able
to kind of connect with a new baby and just
have a bit of breathing space. And we know what
(08:14):
that feels like. There's been plenty, plenty of babies come
into the home and your headspace feels completely overwhelmed often
in that newborn stage. But it's also a really cool
learning stage for a three year old to navigate family
life with a new baby. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
I mean my position is just if you don't need
to have them in care, don't because as a primary
care as the biological mum, you're going to do a
better job. And that's not to throw shade it all
the great people who work in early child care, but
most of them will probably not out the head and say yes, Actually,
parents will typically do a better job looking up for
their own children than we will in a center where
there's a whole of other kids. Your child doesn't necessarily
(08:53):
have to be socialized at that age, like they're going
to be getting other playdate experiences. I'm sure that they're
not being completely isolated, so I just i'd be questioning
the assumption that care is required. That's probably the last
thing that I'd say.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
One of the biggest challenges you have when you have
a baby and you have an older child that you
then place in care is that feeling of displacement in
the family, and it actually can often create more challenge
for you than actually just having them.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
At home, which ties in very much with the second
part of Claire's question, big emotions. After the break, a
quick touch on that it's The Happy Family's podcast. Stay
with this, We're back with the Happy Families podcast. Claire's
child is having really big emotions and separation could be
(09:41):
an issue, Kylie. Based on that, and based on the
fact that there's a new child coming into the family,
I'm reticent to say that it's going to be great
idea just at them and care like, I think that
there could be more challenges based on the fact that
this child vomits within a couple of minutes of not
getting the attention that she feels that she needs. We
did a podcast episode just couple of weeks ago about
dropping kids off to care and they're big emotions. So
(10:03):
we're linked to that in the show notes, but I
just want to spend two minutes max addressing this particular issue.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
As we have gone through our parenting journey, the one
thing that I know to be true is most of
it is hard. We just yet to decide which hard
we're going to choose. So having your three year old
at home with a newborn baby is going to be hard,
but so we're putting them into daycare, and so our
job is to pick the hard that we're willing to
(10:32):
live with.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Right, And that's the reality, and once you've picked it,
live with it. So the other thing to bear in
mind here is if you've got a child who is
not separating. Well, then we want to develop the developmentally
kids are supposed to want to be with their parents.
And what your child is doing by having a big
reaction to separation is it's probably bigger than what is typical,
(10:54):
but it's completely appropriate for your child right now because
that's where they're at.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
This is she knows that some thing's happening. Yeah, that's
a big change happening in.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Babe on the Way parents a little bit. Absolutely, So
we don't need to pathologize this, we don't need to
turn it into something else. It really is one of
those things where your child will developmentally mature through it
with ongoing experience and with increased cognition and capacity and
emotion regulation. So at this point, all I'm going to
say is, Claire, pick up a copy of my book
(11:24):
What Your Child Needs from You, because it will give
you the basics that you need to work through the
empathy and the understanding and the challenges associated with the separations.
But you're going to find that this will be a
growing problem with childcare, and so it's going to be
something that you want to tread fairly carefully towards Kylie,
(11:45):
I think that's pretty much it for today. We've got
another really big interview on the podcast tomorrow. Lenorskanazzi, previously
known as the World's Worst Mum, is having a conversation
with me about her recent TED talk. Oh my goodness,
it's such a great chat. I can't wait to share
it with you, and it ties in a little bit
with some of the things that Claire's been talking about,
(12:05):
but extends into bigger kids as well. Join us tomorrow
for that. Plus do ADHD drugs work? A major Aussie
study has a shock conclusion. We've got to talk about
that on Thursday. The Happy Families podcast is produced by
Justin Roland from Bridge Media. Vim Hammonds provides additional admin,
research and other support and if you would like more
(12:25):
resources to make your family happier, like I said, check
out What Your Child Needs from You and all the
other books at Happy families dot com dot a