September 24, 2025 • 13 mins
Have you ever looked at your child’s friends and thought, “This is not going to end well”? You’re not alone. But new research shows that stepping in and steering kids away from certain friendships can actually make things worse — leaving your child less accepted by peers, more anxious, and even more likely to act out.
In this episode, Dr. Justin and Kylie unpack the surprising dangers of interfering in your child’s friendships, why your good intentions can backfire, and how to guide your kids without damaging trust.
KEY POINTS
- Why parental interference often increases risky behaviour and peer rejection.
- The “forbidden fruit” effect — why the more you disapprove, the closer kids cling.
- How criticism of a friend can sound like criticism of your child.
- The power of trust: letting kids figure it out leads to stronger, healthier friendships.
- What to do instead — shift from policing friendships to teaching what makes a good friend.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
"When you say, ‘I don’t like who you are when you’re with that friend,’ what your child really hears is, ‘I don’t like who you are.’"
RESOURCES
- Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry study on parental interference in friendships.
- Chris Niemiec (University of Rochester) research on “forbidden fruit” friendships.
- How do I Keep my Daughter Away from her Boyfriend? [HF Article]
- Supporting Autistic Children Course [NDIS approved]
- #1103 I'll Do Better Tomorrow: The Good Things Matter [HF Podcast episode on helping kids identify qualities of a good friend]
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
- Pause before interfering — unless there’s bullying or real harm, stay out.
- Have general conversations about what makes a good friend, rather than targeting specific friendships.
- Trust your child’s ability to grow — most “bad” friendships naturally fade or transform with time.
- Model positive relationships so your child sees what healthy friendship looks like.
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
When I was a child. My mom, my mom, she
was very concerned about her daughters and their friendships and
she feared a fair bit. There was quite a lot
of friends with disapproval around my sisters, and I have
four of them, so I can say this reasonably safely
and their friends and as a general rule, that interference
tended to make things worse. There was one time with
one of my sisters she had a strong keen interest
(00:27):
in a young man and my parents were so concerned
about that keen interest that they shipped her off to
some family friends in Queensland to try to avert any
disasters that might happen if that relationship was allowed to flourish.
And guess what, Kylie, it made it worse. Stay with us. Hello,
(00:48):
my name is doctor Justin Coslam, here with my wife
from under our six kids, missus, happy families, Kylie. And
today the conversation is should we interfere with our children's friendships? Kylie?
Have you ever been tempted? Have you ever interfered? Have
you sat the kids down and said we've got a
problem here and it's your friends and it's the way
that you're acting after you've been with certain friends you're hilarious.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
We have six girls, We've had plenty of opportunities.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness, I know, and it's
so hard.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Relationships are tricky, and especially when they're young and immature
and navigating this, and let's be real, it's still tricky
as adults.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Did you ever have this happen when you were a kid, Like,
did your parents ever sit you down and say, don't
like your friends, you need to change friendship groups.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
I don't actually remember a single conversation like that. I
do remember once in my youth being friends with a
girl who was a little bit rebellious and she was
struggling to kind of work herself out, and plenty of
my other friend's parents had all spoken to my mum
about this girl and told her that they didn't think
that my parents should be encouraging our friendship. And my
(01:54):
mum did something really good. I think she literally told
these parents that she trusted me to make good choices
and that she hoped that my light, my goodness, would
rub off on this girl. And so my friendship with
her continued until I got to a point where I went,
you know what, I'm not ready for this. This isn't
the kind of friendship I want.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
I think one of the central challenges that we face
here as well, Khylie, is that when we do interfere
with our children and their friendship groups or their friendships generally, well,
friendship groups are just tricky. There are several reasons for that.
One of those is, have you ever tried to change
a friendship group? Like watching your kids try to go
from group A to group B can be an exercise
(02:35):
in I almost want to use the word trauma. It
can be so so hard.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Well, I think that across the board people see it
as an act of disloyalty.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Yeah, what a great word for it.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
You've been loyal to this group and all of a
sudden you're changing, and so the new group's looking at you, going, well,
if things don't go well here, what are you going
to do? You're just going to ditch us? And they
don't want to put in the time and energy into
a person who seems.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Wishy washy, and they commit and the group that you're
leaving feel completely rejected like what are we not good enough?
You too good for us? And I guess the other
thing that I would add is that when you do
interfere with your friendship groups. How does it make your
child feel when you start to say, don't like who
you are when you hang out with that kid. Your
children don't really hear the friendship issue. They really just here,
(03:20):
don't like who you are. You're behaving differently, and that
increases that sense of shame, it increases anxiety. And so
in your research that I wanted to talk about in
today's podcast highlights that it gets worse when you interfere
with your children's friendships. It can actually reduce the number
(03:40):
of classmates who enjoy your child's company and increase the
number who say they dislike them. So there's a study
that's just been published in the Journal of Child Psychology
and Psychiatry. It is by a couple of Lithuanian researchers.
I can't pronounce their name, so I'm not going to
try to do it, but it's really really interesting. Five
hundred and sixty two students across six primary schools are
(04:02):
surveyed across a twelvemonth period, and essentially the research looks
at how much parents are interfering with friendships and how
much those kids are engaging in behaviors that are well
anti social or rebellious or challenging, smoking, drinking, skipping school, lying,
and cheating. We are talking about grade six kids here,
(04:23):
so some of these are pretty high level challenging behaviors
for children at that age. But what's really fascinating is
that when mums attempted to shepherd children away from relationships
that they thought were bad for their child, they inadvertently
created a problem where they worse than the behavioral issues.
The kids feel worse about themselves, they end up being
(04:44):
rejected by classmates, and then they behave in even more
challenging ways.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Again, does the article give us any hope?
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Yeah, So, if your children are like, how do you
interfere effectively? Is that what you're saying? How do I intervene?
How do I make sure that my children are going
to be okay if I don't like who they're hanging
out with. It's a really tricky one. I thought this
quote from the lead research I can't actually pronounce his name.
His name was Brett Lawson. He says this, and it's
really interesting. Youth may report restrictions and their reasons to
(05:16):
their friends. In other words, if you express disapproval to
your child about a friendship that they're in, your child's
probably going to go and blab that to their friends.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Well, of course, because then it gives them an excuse
or a reason behind why they can't hang out with
that group after school, or why they're not allowed to
go to the birthday party or whatever. It makes mum
and dad the bad person, and hopefully in their minds,
will keep the attachment and the loyalty of the friendship.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Even at a basic level, though, they just don't have
the skills to know what to say and what not
to say. So if they're trying to leave a group
and they say, whoa, we know good enough for you,
and the child says Mum just says that I'm not
a very nice person to hang around you. It doesn't
like the child can't win in this situation. If they
try to communicate it, they've got no chance. Lawson also
ads or mothers may express their disapproval directly to friends.
(06:06):
In other words, Mum shows up at the school gate,
all the kids are playing in the street or whatever,
in the park or in the yard, and Mom says, no,
don't like, don't like the way this friendship's going. Not
happy with what's going on. Here, and either way the
kids are they've got no chance here. They can't come
back from that. Lawson says, neither are likely to be
welcomed by recipients. Friends may respond by spreading contempt or
(06:27):
ridicule throughout the peer group. Social opportunities are likely to
wither as peers avoid affiliating with someone who is depicted
as uncool.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
So here's the challenge. And I have watched this time
and time again over the course of six children and
friendships in general, when there is challenge within a relationship,
it is two ways, right, is there is a reciprocal relationship.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
And anyone who can't admit that has some significant blind spots.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Okay, back, most of the time parents feel that their
child is being victimized. I'm not talking about bullying, and
I need to make that really clear. Sure, yes, yes, yeah,
But in normal, everyday communication and relationship there is challenge regularly,
and it is a two way street.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Because relationships are tricky.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
They are tricky and they're hard. But as parents, we
hurt when our children hurt, and therefore we see them
as the victim and not part of the challenge, and
it makes it really really hard for our children to
learn and grow if we're constantly stepping in and telling
them that they're not in the wrong at all, and
(07:46):
the other person is the big bully.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I really like that. There's one other thing that I
would add, and that is that when we do step in,
even if we can be impartial and clear eyed and
objective about it, if we make comments that are disparaging
about a relationship, about a friendship, it makes the people
in that relationship feel lousy about themselves, and it turns
them against us and maybe our child as well.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
It also, in turn gives our children permission to focus
on the negative behaviors, the negative traits in others. We
ourselves have similar negative traits and behaviors, we all do,
but we allow our children to see others for the
challenge as opposed to the goodness that they possess.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
All right, so let's talk about what we're supposed to do,
because every now and again there are relationships that our
children have where we feel like we really do need
to interfere.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
So what do we do?
Speaker 1 (08:39):
My friends with that kid a little bit earlier. I
love what you said before about your mum's example here.
She just trusted in urinnate goodness, she trusted that you
were able to figure this out for yourself. And it's
really hard for me to say this, and I know
it's really hard for every helicopter parent on the planet
to hear it.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I don't even think you have to be a halle
up to parent. I think this is hard. Relationships are
hardy watching it.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Parent who wants to interfere, I mean, we want to
get in there and make sure that our kids are okay,
and make sure that they're not behaving in challenging ways,
make sure they're not doing the wrong thing. As a
general rule, As a general rule, so long as there's
no bullying going on, and so long as your child
is not at real proper risk of real proper harm,
then I would say leave it alone. Just we've got
(09:27):
to stay out of it. It's worked pretty well for
us as a general rule with our kids. In fact,
you know what's really really interesting to me, there have
been a few friendships that our children have had where
I've wanted to interfere. I've wanted to say, you know what,
I don't think that kid's quite the right one for
you to be friends with. Can't you find another friend?
(09:48):
We've stayed out of those relationships. We've let our children
figure it out, and over time, some of those friendships
have become the most enduring and positive relation ships that
our children have had. And in other instances, our children
have naturally grown apart from that friend as time has
gone on and things haven't felt quite right. There's real
(10:10):
wisdom in just staying out of it, not helicoptering, and
giving them space.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Last week and I'll do better tomorrow, I shared the
experience of sitting down with Emily and talking about some
of the qualities that make a good friend. Yes, And
through that conversation we talked about what she could do things,
what areas could she focus on to be a better friend? Relationships?
Are these really really tricky part of our lives where
(10:36):
there is so much richness and opportunity for learning and growth,
And as parents, when we step in, we actually often
hinder our children's ability to grow.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
But that conversation you had with her, and I don't
know if you've still got the paperwork here in our
little podcast studio, you don't have it, Okay. Those six
things that she came up with to be a better friend,
they were facilitated through a conversation not about a specific friendship,
but about friendship generally, and they were profound. I mean,
this little ten year old's brain and hard just absolutely gorgeous.
(11:07):
What she came up with, it was tremendous. So if
you concerned about friendships, maybe having that sort of discussion,
and if you'd like to go more in depth, just
go back to last Friday hour. I'll do better tomorrow
because that's where the real gold was there. There are
two other things that I want to highlight here. The
first one is that if you do interfere, first of all,
this research highlights that it can be quite negative. One
(11:30):
of my colleagues at the University of Rochester, Professor Chris Niemik,
did a study about ten years ago looking at the
forbidden fruit of forbidden friendships and pretty much found the
same thing that when parents interfere, the kids are drawn
more to their friends, they start to resist their parents.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I was about to say, you actually become the bad guy,
not the friend. Yeah, the friend that you're trying to
protect your child from becomes the forbidden fruit, and you
become a person who is untrustworthy.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
They start to shift away from us as parents. At
the very time that we feel like they need is
the most. And this study here again, let me just emphasize,
as parents demonstrate reduced peer acceptance and start to interfere,
their children become less popular at school over the subsequent
twelve months and they have more conduct issues. In other words,
(12:21):
it doesn't work. It's a bad idea. Explore explain in
power talk about friendships more generally, but nothing specific. And
I think overall, the take home message from today's conversation
is when you don't like your children's friends, trust your kids,
don't hover, give them space. They'll work it out over time,
(12:42):
and so long as they're safe, it will be okay.
We will link to that study in the show notes,
as well as Chris nemix Forbidden Fruit Forbidden Friendship studies,
so that you can have a quick look if you're
inclined to look at the academic side of things. The
Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media.
More information about making your family how Viewers of our
Happy Families dot com dot au mm hmm
When I was a child. My mom, my mom, she
was very concerned about her daughters and their friendships and
she feared a fair bit. There was quite a lot
of friends with disapproval around my sisters, and I have
four of them, so I can say this reasonably safely
and their friends and as a general rule, that interference
tended to make things worse. There was one time with
one of my sisters she had a strong keen interest
(00:27):
in a young man and my parents were so concerned
about that keen interest that they shipped her off to
some family friends in Queensland to try to avert any
disasters that might happen if that relationship was allowed to flourish.
And guess what, Kylie, it made it worse. Stay with us. Hello,
(00:48):
my name is doctor Justin Coslam, here with my wife
from under our six kids, missus, happy families, Kylie. And
today the conversation is should we interfere with our children's friendships? Kylie?
Have you ever been tempted? Have you ever interfered? Have
you sat the kids down and said we've got a
problem here and it's your friends and it's the way
that you're acting after you've been with certain friends you're hilarious.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
We have six girls, We've had plenty of opportunities.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness, I know, and it's
so hard.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Relationships are tricky, and especially when they're young and immature
and navigating this, and let's be real, it's still tricky
as adults.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
Did you ever have this happen when you were a kid, Like,
did your parents ever sit you down and say, don't
like your friends, you need to change friendship groups.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
I don't actually remember a single conversation like that. I
do remember once in my youth being friends with a
girl who was a little bit rebellious and she was
struggling to kind of work herself out, and plenty of
my other friend's parents had all spoken to my mum
about this girl and told her that they didn't think
that my parents should be encouraging our friendship. And my
(01:54):
mum did something really good. I think she literally told
these parents that she trusted me to make good choices
and that she hoped that my light, my goodness, would
rub off on this girl. And so my friendship with
her continued until I got to a point where I went,
you know what, I'm not ready for this. This isn't
the kind of friendship I want.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
I think one of the central challenges that we face
here as well, Khylie, is that when we do interfere
with our children and their friendship groups or their friendships generally, well,
friendship groups are just tricky. There are several reasons for that.
One of those is, have you ever tried to change
a friendship group? Like watching your kids try to go
from group A to group B can be an exercise
(02:35):
in I almost want to use the word trauma. It
can be so so hard.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
Well, I think that across the board people see it
as an act of disloyalty.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Yeah, what a great word for it.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
You've been loyal to this group and all of a
sudden you're changing, and so the new group's looking at you, going, well,
if things don't go well here, what are you going
to do? You're just going to ditch us? And they
don't want to put in the time and energy into
a person who seems.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Wishy washy, and they commit and the group that you're
leaving feel completely rejected like what are we not good enough?
You too good for us? And I guess the other
thing that I would add is that when you do
interfere with your friendship groups. How does it make your
child feel when you start to say, don't like who
you are when you hang out with that kid. Your
children don't really hear the friendship issue. They really just here,
(03:20):
don't like who you are. You're behaving differently, and that
increases that sense of shame, it increases anxiety. And so
in your research that I wanted to talk about in
today's podcast highlights that it gets worse when you interfere
with your children's friendships. It can actually reduce the number
(03:40):
of classmates who enjoy your child's company and increase the
number who say they dislike them. So there's a study
that's just been published in the Journal of Child Psychology
and Psychiatry. It is by a couple of Lithuanian researchers.
I can't pronounce their name, so I'm not going to
try to do it, but it's really really interesting. Five
hundred and sixty two students across six primary schools are
(04:02):
surveyed across a twelvemonth period, and essentially the research looks
at how much parents are interfering with friendships and how
much those kids are engaging in behaviors that are well
anti social or rebellious or challenging, smoking, drinking, skipping school, lying,
and cheating. We are talking about grade six kids here,
(04:23):
so some of these are pretty high level challenging behaviors
for children at that age. But what's really fascinating is
that when mums attempted to shepherd children away from relationships
that they thought were bad for their child, they inadvertently
created a problem where they worse than the behavioral issues.
The kids feel worse about themselves, they end up being
(04:44):
rejected by classmates, and then they behave in even more
challenging ways.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Again, does the article give us any hope?
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Yeah, So, if your children are like, how do you
interfere effectively? Is that what you're saying? How do I intervene?
How do I make sure that my children are going
to be okay if I don't like who they're hanging
out with. It's a really tricky one. I thought this
quote from the lead research I can't actually pronounce his name.
His name was Brett Lawson. He says this, and it's
really interesting. Youth may report restrictions and their reasons to
(05:16):
their friends. In other words, if you express disapproval to
your child about a friendship that they're in, your child's
probably going to go and blab that to their friends.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Well, of course, because then it gives them an excuse
or a reason behind why they can't hang out with
that group after school, or why they're not allowed to
go to the birthday party or whatever. It makes mum
and dad the bad person, and hopefully in their minds,
will keep the attachment and the loyalty of the friendship.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
Even at a basic level, though, they just don't have
the skills to know what to say and what not
to say. So if they're trying to leave a group
and they say, whoa, we know good enough for you,
and the child says Mum just says that I'm not
a very nice person to hang around you. It doesn't
like the child can't win in this situation. If they
try to communicate it, they've got no chance. Lawson also
ads or mothers may express their disapproval directly to friends.
(06:06):
In other words, Mum shows up at the school gate,
all the kids are playing in the street or whatever,
in the park or in the yard, and Mom says, no,
don't like, don't like the way this friendship's going. Not
happy with what's going on. Here, and either way the
kids are they've got no chance here. They can't come
back from that. Lawson says, neither are likely to be
welcomed by recipients. Friends may respond by spreading contempt or
(06:27):
ridicule throughout the peer group. Social opportunities are likely to
wither as peers avoid affiliating with someone who is depicted
as uncool.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
So here's the challenge. And I have watched this time
and time again over the course of six children and
friendships in general, when there is challenge within a relationship,
it is two ways, right, is there is a reciprocal relationship.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
And anyone who can't admit that has some significant blind spots.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Okay, back, most of the time parents feel that their
child is being victimized. I'm not talking about bullying, and
I need to make that really clear. Sure, yes, yes, yeah,
But in normal, everyday communication and relationship there is challenge regularly,
and it is a two way street.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Because relationships are tricky.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
They are tricky and they're hard. But as parents, we
hurt when our children hurt, and therefore we see them
as the victim and not part of the challenge, and
it makes it really really hard for our children to
learn and grow if we're constantly stepping in and telling
them that they're not in the wrong at all, and
(07:46):
the other person is the big bully.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I really like that. There's one other thing that I
would add, and that is that when we do step in,
even if we can be impartial and clear eyed and
objective about it, if we make comments that are disparaging
about a relationship, about a friendship, it makes the people
in that relationship feel lousy about themselves, and it turns
them against us and maybe our child as well.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
It also, in turn gives our children permission to focus
on the negative behaviors, the negative traits in others. We
ourselves have similar negative traits and behaviors, we all do,
but we allow our children to see others for the
challenge as opposed to the goodness that they possess.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
All right, so let's talk about what we're supposed to do,
because every now and again there are relationships that our
children have where we feel like we really do need
to interfere.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
So what do we do?
Speaker 1 (08:39):
My friends with that kid a little bit earlier. I
love what you said before about your mum's example here.
She just trusted in urinnate goodness, she trusted that you
were able to figure this out for yourself. And it's
really hard for me to say this, and I know
it's really hard for every helicopter parent on the planet
to hear it.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
I don't even think you have to be a halle
up to parent. I think this is hard. Relationships are
hardy watching it.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Parent who wants to interfere, I mean, we want to
get in there and make sure that our kids are okay,
and make sure that they're not behaving in challenging ways,
make sure they're not doing the wrong thing. As a
general rule, As a general rule, so long as there's
no bullying going on, and so long as your child
is not at real proper risk of real proper harm,
then I would say leave it alone. Just we've got
(09:27):
to stay out of it. It's worked pretty well for
us as a general rule with our kids. In fact,
you know what's really really interesting to me, there have
been a few friendships that our children have had where
I've wanted to interfere. I've wanted to say, you know what,
I don't think that kid's quite the right one for
you to be friends with. Can't you find another friend?
(09:48):
We've stayed out of those relationships. We've let our children
figure it out, and over time, some of those friendships
have become the most enduring and positive relation ships that
our children have had. And in other instances, our children
have naturally grown apart from that friend as time has
gone on and things haven't felt quite right. There's real
(10:10):
wisdom in just staying out of it, not helicoptering, and
giving them space.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Last week and I'll do better tomorrow, I shared the
experience of sitting down with Emily and talking about some
of the qualities that make a good friend. Yes, And
through that conversation we talked about what she could do things,
what areas could she focus on to be a better friend? Relationships?
Are these really really tricky part of our lives where
(10:36):
there is so much richness and opportunity for learning and growth,
And as parents, when we step in, we actually often
hinder our children's ability to grow.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
But that conversation you had with her, and I don't
know if you've still got the paperwork here in our
little podcast studio, you don't have it, Okay. Those six
things that she came up with to be a better friend,
they were facilitated through a conversation not about a specific friendship,
but about friendship generally, and they were profound. I mean,
this little ten year old's brain and hard just absolutely gorgeous.
(11:07):
What she came up with, it was tremendous. So if
you concerned about friendships, maybe having that sort of discussion,
and if you'd like to go more in depth, just
go back to last Friday hour. I'll do better tomorrow
because that's where the real gold was there. There are
two other things that I want to highlight here. The
first one is that if you do interfere, first of all,
this research highlights that it can be quite negative. One
(11:30):
of my colleagues at the University of Rochester, Professor Chris Niemik,
did a study about ten years ago looking at the
forbidden fruit of forbidden friendships and pretty much found the
same thing that when parents interfere, the kids are drawn
more to their friends, they start to resist their parents.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I was about to say, you actually become the bad guy,
not the friend. Yeah, the friend that you're trying to
protect your child from becomes the forbidden fruit, and you
become a person who is untrustworthy.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
They start to shift away from us as parents. At
the very time that we feel like they need is
the most. And this study here again, let me just emphasize,
as parents demonstrate reduced peer acceptance and start to interfere,
their children become less popular at school over the subsequent
twelve months and they have more conduct issues. In other words,
(12:21):
it doesn't work. It's a bad idea. Explore explain in
power talk about friendships more generally, but nothing specific. And
I think overall, the take home message from today's conversation
is when you don't like your children's friends, trust your kids,
don't hover, give them space. They'll work it out over time,
(12:42):
and so long as they're safe, it will be okay.
We will link to that study in the show notes,
as well as Chris nemix Forbidden Fruit Forbidden Friendship studies,
so that you can have a quick look if you're
inclined to look at the academic side of things. The
Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media.
More information about making your family how Viewers of our
Happy Families dot com dot au mm hmm
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