December 3, 2025 • 15 mins
If Christmas usually feels more chaotic than joyful, this episode is the reset you need. Justin and Kylie unpack the research on what really makes Christmas happier—and what quietly steals the joy from it. You’ll hear the surprising predictors of Christmas wellbeing (hint: it’s not money, gifts, or how perfect your table looks) and why letting go of the pressure to “do it all” might be the best gift you give your family. A warm, funny, practical episode to help you create a Christmas that actually feels good.
KEY POINTS
- Family connection and meaningful traditions are the strongest predictors of Christmas happiness.
- A sense of purpose—not perfection—makes the season more joyful.
- Environmental mindfulness is linked with higher wellbeing (yes… even at Christmas!).
- Consuming less and enjoying nature more boosts Christmas satisfaction.
- Materialism and gift overload significantly reduce Christmas happiness.
- Relationship challenges or fractured family dynamics can dampen joy.
- Age brings more Christmas happiness as expectations shift and priorities mature.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“Wrapping presents generally yields fewer rewards than spending time laughing, talking, and playing with the people you love.”
RESOURCES
- Kasser & Sheldon (2002) research on Christmas wellbeing
- Take Back Christmas [Article]
- How To Unspoil Your Kids This Christmas [Webinar]
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
- Prioritise connection – plan at least one meaningful, shared activity.
- Scale back gifts – focus on presence, not presents.
- Add purpose – highlight generosity, gratitude, or spiritual meaning.
- Go outside – take a Christmas walk or enjoy nature together.
- Simplify – drop one “should” that only adds stress, not joy.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
This is the Happy Family's podcast. It's beginning to feel
a lot like Christmas and today a doctor's desk episode.
Researchers have looked at what makes Christmas merry and bright
and what makes it a little less so smiling faces
are big on that list. Missus, Happy Families.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Well, I'm just thinking about a question that somebody posed
the other day. Yep, they asked me which of my
children was the hardest?
Speaker 1 (00:29):
What's it good to raise Christmas? You're just taking me
on a tangent. Which of our children? I feel like
you're setting me up here. Which of our children I
can just look for to look on your face. It's
like this, this is not part of the podcast. You're
just throwing this at me in the intro, which of
our children? We have six daughters aged eleven to twenty six,
which of our children has been hardest to raise? Oh?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
I actually told them it was my mother in law's.
He's pretty you.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
How to have a merry Christmas, according the research. He's
next on The Happy Family's pod cast. Stay with us,
Thanks so much for joining us. This is the Happy
Families podcast, Real parenting Solutions, every single day. We are
Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We love that you choose
to listen to us and today on the pod, as
we do every Thursday. I'm not letting it go just
(01:16):
because it's December. Kylie. We are talking Christmas. We're talking
research and what data tells us about having the happiest Christmas.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Well, I'm really curious.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Are you really, because you know you're not.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
I'm just saying it for your sake, right, Okay, can
you tell me in that research, does it tell us
what predicts more Christmas happiness?
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
So yes, I just brought a cushion the other day
that says very merry, very merry. Yeah, yes, I would
like more Mary in my house Christmas.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I just I love you at Christmas time. Tim Kasser
and Ken Sheldon to researchers that I've admired literally for
decades in two thousand and two, So I'm going back
at twenty five twenty something, the years I can't do
live matth twenty three years publish a journal an article
in the Journal of Happiness Studies that was looking at
what makes Christmas merry and bright for some people unless
(02:10):
so for others. So your question was directly answered by
this study and let me go through the list and
interrupt me at any time. Please not as well. This
was a North American study, but I think that there's
probably going to be some crossover in Australia. Number One,
family and religious experiences were particularly predictive of Christmas happiness. Now,
(02:31):
Australia is a really secular country, so I'm not sure
how strong the religious element would be, but we have
faith it's not.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
So much about religion or do you think that it's
actually about having purpose and meaning to your Christmas?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Yeah, I mean if you're Hindu or if you're Muslim,
then you're probably not going to find Christmas to be
a time of great joy, satisfaction, meaning and merryness. Right,
So this is very much about purpose. This is about
tying in with values, which means that you don't have
to be religious to find that the message of redemption
and forgiveness and joy and good will towards men and
(03:06):
women because it's twenty twenty five.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Which just generosity and kindness.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Yeah, yeah, that's right. So those principles that underpin what
Christmas is about and frankly what Christianity is about. If
we have a focus on that at Christmas, then it
will give us the same level of purpose. It's really
interesting going off topic just a bit, but I read
a research paper just recently about religion, and what it
highlights is that religion. This will probably upset people who
are secular who are very happy, but religion does tend
(03:31):
to have a positive association with well being relative to
not being religious at all. But it doesn't matter what
religion you are. Religion just has a general positive impact
on well being. Of course, weret know religious people who
are miserable, and we know plenty of atheists still are
very very happy. So we're not talking about causation, we're
talking about correlation. But back to the research paper for here,
the more we can focus on positive family relationships, and
(03:54):
the more we can focus on the meaning and purpose
of Christmas, particularly if we have a faith foundation, the
more likely it is that we'll have Christmas happiness. Worth
also highlighting here, if your family is fractured, if there
are relationships that are not going so well, and we've
certainly had our fair share of that over the years
as well, it really does put a damper on your Christmas.
(04:15):
It does make it that little bit less joyful. Merry
and satisfying because you look around the table and you
think there's somebody not here, or there's somebody who's here
under dures which they weren't here kind of thing. And
so relationships, they're at the heart of our well being
and they're also at the heart of a merry Christmas.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Were there any other things that would add to a
more merry Christmas?
Speaker 1 (04:36):
I have a list of a few more things that
came up in the research. They found that engaging in
this blows me away, by the way, but engaging in
environmentally conscious consumption practices was apparently associated with greater happiness.
I don't know if this is politically motivated or not.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Wow, but so does that mean.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
No plastic straws and you'll be happy?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
I was kind of say, brown paper a kid forrap?
Did you know you can't actually recycle printed paper?
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I didn't know that yet. It's got to go, and
it's got to go on the trash heap. A funny
story about plastic straws. Incidentally, a few years ago, when
the federal government here in Australia said, oh was it
a state? I don't know whoever it was, the government
said no more plastic straws.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Are you going to tell you a story about your mum? My?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Mum went out and she I think she.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Brought up every last plus she went for all.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
I went to the wholesaler and she bought a box
of like ten thousand plastic straws.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
So every Christmas we get together and the kids get
to have milkshakes with a plastic straw.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
And you know what's so funny. I mean, Mum was
incensed by this legislative thing. But the funnier thing is
that now when we do drink out of a plastic straw,
we kind of go, h don't like this, Like it
feels kind of weird in your mouth, and I'm just
not loving it anyway. Apparently in the research that was
associated with it, take that for what it's worth. There
are a couple of other things.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
So it does mean no paper plates.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
I mean, if you use paper plates, is that environmentally
conscious or is that bad for the involvement.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
That's what I'm saying. I know, no plastic or paper
plays because that's just adding to the film.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Yeah, I know. But then if you're using cropery it.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Yeah, and environmentally friendly detergent, then that's going to be
a way better environment.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
This was meant to be such a simple doctor's desk.
I'm so confused now.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
I don't think it's going to make me any happy.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
I mean they didn't they didn't explicitly.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Say that's going to hurt my brain.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
I don't think it's going to make me any.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Happier anything else on your list.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Sorry, come on, let's just move on. This is a
quirk of me before I talk about what else was
on the list for what makes apparently for a more
merry Christmas. Sometimes I wonder why we need research for
this stuff. I'm not sure that this is helping.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Doctor's desk seems so crazy.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
If this is helping or not, I would rather I
hate itning off plastic. I hate itating off paper. For me,
if I want to have a merry Christmas, I'm eating
on a proper plate with real cutlery. None of this
plastics ticks me off.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Everybody else has a paper play And you get everyone sitting.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
On the couch and you've got this paper plate on
your knees and it's folding as you push the night the.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Place, and you go to stab your steak and your
poor breaks food goes on the floor. Or you got
to stab it and it's a wooden fork and it
won't stab.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Yeah, I just think can we just don't know if
it's environmentally friendly to use the stuff that you use
every day or not pull out a nice Christmas Royal
Dalton thing if your grabma handed that down to you.
I just reckon use real plates, and who cares what
the research says. I'm just I'm throwing this doctor's descuess.
There's a couple of other things that came up here.
Spending quality time with family and friends We've talked about
(07:28):
because relationships that are hard of our well being, consuming
less and appreciating nature more, and that makes sense. We
love going for a beach walk on Christmas Day. That's
really nice being older. Being older was also predictive of
more Christmas happiness.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
So I think that that's really true. And as I've
looked at the way our Christmas celebrations have matured over
the years, I find more joy out of being together
with my family at Christmas now because I feel like
I've let go of all the tinsel and glitter that
was not important. You know, all these years I've been
(08:03):
kind of doing things because that's either what I felt
was expected or needful to have a merry Christmas. But
as the kids have grown older, they've actually been very
articulate about the things that matter and the things that don't.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Yeah, you know, it didn't come up in the research,
and it's what I would say is the merry's Christmas
just comes from seeing joy and a lot on the kids' faces,
and that was in the research. Hey, after the break,
let's talk about what predicts less Christmas well being and
also a few demographic realities here that I've found fascinating
in terms of who has the merrier Christmas. We're back.
(08:43):
This is the Happy Family's podcast. Thanks so much for
being with us the research around Christmas. So far, this
Tim casse Ken Sheldon research paper has just given us
a lot to laugh about. Kylie, what's your next question
about this doctor's desk?
Speaker 2 (08:58):
So what predicts less happiness? Of all of those things
were creating more merry? All right?
Speaker 1 (09:02):
I mean, I don't even know if I agree with this.
I mean I kind of do, but I also kind
of don't. There's only two things. Number One, what predicted
less Christmas well being was when spending money and receiving
gifts predominated and number two, when Christmas was focused on
spending money and receiving gifts, which is just another way
of saying the first thing. So basically, a materialistic focus
(09:24):
seems to lead to a less merry Christmas.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
I would entirely agree with that.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
See I don't. I don't. It's really really fun when
I go out on Christmas Eve, even though we've got
no money and I'm not supposed to do it, and
I max out the credit card and buy a whole
lot of stuff with the kids, and then I watch
them open on Christmas Day and they get excited about it.
I'm just like, oh, my goodness, materialism is way better
than I always thought it was.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
And then tomorrow then.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
I'm regretful and miserable. But that's not Christmas anymore. That's
not Boxing Day. So that's Boxing Day's problem. That's tomorrow
Me's problem.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
It takes the glitter and joy of Christmas. And I
think too often, you know, when our children grow up
with this more and more and more mentality. I remember
in the early days, your mum is a gift giver.
She loves giving gifts, but not only just because she
loves giving gifts, even the smallest item has to be
(10:13):
wrapped separately, so the kids would get a pile of
presents instead of you know, a couple.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Of kid kid you not like, there would be between
ten and fifteen gifts for each child.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Now we have six children, so imagine me sitting on
the couch number one, trying to actually just follow what
each child received so I knew who got what. I
felt awful. I felt like this, you know, kind of
I don't know, hovering helicopter, but I desperately wanted to
know who got what from who so that I could
(10:46):
give thanks for who gave what to who. And my
sister in law, we both sat on the couch one
day and the pile next to us, because we both
have six children, was taller than us seated on the couch.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
I mean, the kids were going nuts. They were loving it,
but you know, but bar go ahead.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
As I watched, there was just this like literally incessant
need to open.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
The next That's what I was going to see. They
went nuts, but there was no joy in it. It
was just what else have you got me? What else
have you got me? And they'd open one thing and
literally toss the paper in one direction, tossed the new
toy or book or gift or whatever it was in
the other direction and grab the next one and do
that as well.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
So we went the complete opposite. It now means that
Christmas gift giving takes forever because we insisted that each
person open up a present and everybody watch it so
that it could take joy in it. And they still
love doing it. And now we've got lots of children,
and it's a lot, but it really gave us an
opportunity to just kind of break things up and enjoy
(11:45):
the materialism of you going shopping on Christmas Eve.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
So let's wrap this up. Basically, what the.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Data show is, it's so funny, I like unwrapping.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Basically, the research show is that a materialistic focus under
mine's well being, which is, there's this thing in the
theory of psychology that I really work hard to share
with people. There's this thing called goal contents theory. What's
your goal if you've got intrinsic goals or if you've
got extrinsic goals. Right, So what we're talking about here
with the materialistic focus is a classic extrinsic goal orientation.
(12:17):
Family and spiritually related materials support intrinsic needs and that
tends to lead to better outcomes. There was a quote
in the paper that said this wrapping presence generally yields
fewer inherent rewards than spending time playing games or conversing
with family. So that's really the take home message here.
(12:38):
There were a couple of demographic things that I just
thought i'd share quickly before we wrap it up. There's
my little punt again. Being rich, being clever, so IQ
and being in a relationship didn't really seem to have
much of an impact on how good Christmas was. Also,
males were a lot happier and less stressed than females
during the Christmas period.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
I wonder why who sets up the Christmas tree? Who
cooks the Christmas lunch? Who wraps all the presents? Who
buys all the presents?
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Just saying, I mean in our home, we both know
the answer to those questions.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
It's so interesting to me you talk about it doesn't
matter how smart you are, it doesn't matter how rich
you are. I remember back to some of our earliest
Christmas and we had very little to put on the
table and very little to put under the tree. And
one year we decided that we would do a homemade
Christmas and buying anything got all of the kids involved.
(13:32):
It made my Christmas a lot harder because I had
to supervise and help each of the kids. That's one
of my favorite Christmas.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Yeah, because there's no entitlement there, right, because everyone suddenly
understands how much work goes into it, how much effort's required,
because they've got to do the work. And then there'
suddenly like, oh, these gifts are meaningful because I worked
to create this for you, and you don't looking and go,
what's that junk you made the paper mashe because you've
also gone to that level of work and effort to give,
so you recognize and understand that there's one more thing
(14:00):
that's worth throwing in here from a different research paper
in terms of what to get people if you know
them well, the research shows get them something that you
know that they'll like because you know them well and
you know what they're gonna want. If you don't know
them well, you're not the best thing to get them
is they.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Say it's a gift voucher, but do you know what
it's so lame?
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Well, it's a gift boucher.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
As a giver, it's so lame. It feels just impersonal.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Yeah, but it is because you don't know them well
so that.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Yeah, but I'd rather give them cash, and I'd rather
find a creative way to give them cash than stick
a credit card in a envelope. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Well, I mean it's not actually about the credit card
or the gift voucher. It's about the monetary value and saying, hey,
why don't you go out and splurge on something that
you know you would like tomorrow on the boxing day sales.
That's what it's really like.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
One year, my sister she gave one of the girls
twenty dollars I think, but it was one dollar coins
and she'd blown up twenty balloons and stuck the coin
in the balloon and they had to pop all the balloons.
Like just silly things like that. It just it makes
it feel more meaningful.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Anyway. That's the paper. I will link to it in
the show notes. I don't think anyone's going read it
after the conversation we've just about it, and I don't know,
maybe it came from the University of Doing because you
knew most of it. Anyway, but I think it's an
interesting conversation. It's nice to see this and research about it.
How to have a meaning for Christmas according to research.
A Doctor's Desk episode on the Happy Families podcast, which
is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media at Mimhammonds,
(15:17):
provides research, admin and other support and if you would
like more information about making your family happier, visit us
at happy families dot com dot a
This is the Happy Family's podcast. It's beginning to feel
a lot like Christmas and today a doctor's desk episode.
Researchers have looked at what makes Christmas merry and bright
and what makes it a little less so smiling faces
are big on that list. Missus, Happy Families.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Well, I'm just thinking about a question that somebody posed
the other day. Yep, they asked me which of my
children was the hardest?
Speaker 1 (00:29):
What's it good to raise Christmas? You're just taking me
on a tangent. Which of our children? I feel like
you're setting me up here. Which of our children I
can just look for to look on your face. It's
like this, this is not part of the podcast. You're
just throwing this at me in the intro, which of
our children? We have six daughters aged eleven to twenty six,
which of our children has been hardest to raise? Oh?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
I actually told them it was my mother in law's.
He's pretty you.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
How to have a merry Christmas, according the research. He's
next on The Happy Family's pod cast. Stay with us,
Thanks so much for joining us. This is the Happy
Families podcast, Real parenting Solutions, every single day. We are
Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We love that you choose
to listen to us and today on the pod, as
we do every Thursday. I'm not letting it go just
(01:16):
because it's December. Kylie. We are talking Christmas. We're talking
research and what data tells us about having the happiest Christmas.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Well, I'm really curious.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Are you really, because you know you're not.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
I'm just saying it for your sake, right, Okay, can
you tell me in that research, does it tell us
what predicts more Christmas happiness?
Speaker 1 (01:39):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
So yes, I just brought a cushion the other day
that says very merry, very merry. Yeah, yes, I would
like more Mary in my house Christmas.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
I just I love you at Christmas time. Tim Kasser
and Ken Sheldon to researchers that I've admired literally for
decades in two thousand and two, So I'm going back
at twenty five twenty something, the years I can't do
live matth twenty three years publish a journal an article
in the Journal of Happiness Studies that was looking at
what makes Christmas merry and bright for some people unless
(02:10):
so for others. So your question was directly answered by
this study and let me go through the list and
interrupt me at any time. Please not as well. This
was a North American study, but I think that there's
probably going to be some crossover in Australia. Number One,
family and religious experiences were particularly predictive of Christmas happiness. Now,
(02:31):
Australia is a really secular country, so I'm not sure
how strong the religious element would be, but we have
faith it's not.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
So much about religion or do you think that it's
actually about having purpose and meaning to your Christmas?
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Yeah, I mean if you're Hindu or if you're Muslim,
then you're probably not going to find Christmas to be
a time of great joy, satisfaction, meaning and merryness. Right,
So this is very much about purpose. This is about
tying in with values, which means that you don't have
to be religious to find that the message of redemption
and forgiveness and joy and good will towards men and
(03:06):
women because it's twenty twenty five.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Which just generosity and kindness.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Yeah, yeah, that's right. So those principles that underpin what
Christmas is about and frankly what Christianity is about. If
we have a focus on that at Christmas, then it
will give us the same level of purpose. It's really
interesting going off topic just a bit, but I read
a research paper just recently about religion, and what it
highlights is that religion. This will probably upset people who
are secular who are very happy, but religion does tend
(03:31):
to have a positive association with well being relative to
not being religious at all. But it doesn't matter what
religion you are. Religion just has a general positive impact
on well being. Of course, weret know religious people who
are miserable, and we know plenty of atheists still are
very very happy. So we're not talking about causation, we're
talking about correlation. But back to the research paper for here,
the more we can focus on positive family relationships, and
(03:54):
the more we can focus on the meaning and purpose
of Christmas, particularly if we have a faith foundation, the
more likely it is that we'll have Christmas happiness. Worth
also highlighting here, if your family is fractured, if there
are relationships that are not going so well, and we've
certainly had our fair share of that over the years
as well, it really does put a damper on your Christmas.
(04:15):
It does make it that little bit less joyful. Merry
and satisfying because you look around the table and you
think there's somebody not here, or there's somebody who's here
under dures which they weren't here kind of thing. And
so relationships, they're at the heart of our well being
and they're also at the heart of a merry Christmas.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Were there any other things that would add to a
more merry Christmas?
Speaker 1 (04:36):
I have a list of a few more things that
came up in the research. They found that engaging in
this blows me away, by the way, but engaging in
environmentally conscious consumption practices was apparently associated with greater happiness.
I don't know if this is politically motivated or not.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Wow, but so does that mean.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
No plastic straws and you'll be happy?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
I was kind of say, brown paper a kid forrap?
Did you know you can't actually recycle printed paper?
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I didn't know that yet. It's got to go, and
it's got to go on the trash heap. A funny
story about plastic straws. Incidentally, a few years ago, when
the federal government here in Australia said, oh was it
a state? I don't know whoever it was, the government
said no more plastic straws.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Are you going to tell you a story about your mum? My?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Mum went out and she I think she.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Brought up every last plus she went for all.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
I went to the wholesaler and she bought a box
of like ten thousand plastic straws.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
So every Christmas we get together and the kids get
to have milkshakes with a plastic straw.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
And you know what's so funny. I mean, Mum was
incensed by this legislative thing. But the funnier thing is
that now when we do drink out of a plastic straw,
we kind of go, h don't like this, Like it
feels kind of weird in your mouth, and I'm just
not loving it anyway. Apparently in the research that was
associated with it, take that for what it's worth. There
are a couple of other things.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
So it does mean no paper plates.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
I mean, if you use paper plates, is that environmentally
conscious or is that bad for the involvement.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
That's what I'm saying. I know, no plastic or paper
plays because that's just adding to the film.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
Yeah, I know. But then if you're using cropery it.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Yeah, and environmentally friendly detergent, then that's going to be
a way better environment.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
This was meant to be such a simple doctor's desk.
I'm so confused now.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
I don't think it's going to make me any happy.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
I mean they didn't they didn't explicitly.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Say that's going to hurt my brain.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
I don't think it's going to make me any.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Happier anything else on your list.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Sorry, come on, let's just move on. This is a
quirk of me before I talk about what else was
on the list for what makes apparently for a more
merry Christmas. Sometimes I wonder why we need research for
this stuff. I'm not sure that this is helping.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Doctor's desk seems so crazy.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
If this is helping or not, I would rather I
hate itning off plastic. I hate itating off paper. For me,
if I want to have a merry Christmas, I'm eating
on a proper plate with real cutlery. None of this
plastics ticks me off.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Everybody else has a paper play And you get everyone sitting.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
On the couch and you've got this paper plate on
your knees and it's folding as you push the night the.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
Place, and you go to stab your steak and your
poor breaks food goes on the floor. Or you got
to stab it and it's a wooden fork and it
won't stab.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
Yeah, I just think can we just don't know if
it's environmentally friendly to use the stuff that you use
every day or not pull out a nice Christmas Royal
Dalton thing if your grabma handed that down to you.
I just reckon use real plates, and who cares what
the research says. I'm just I'm throwing this doctor's descuess.
There's a couple of other things that came up here.
Spending quality time with family and friends We've talked about
(07:28):
because relationships that are hard of our well being, consuming
less and appreciating nature more, and that makes sense. We
love going for a beach walk on Christmas Day. That's
really nice being older. Being older was also predictive of
more Christmas happiness.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
So I think that that's really true. And as I've
looked at the way our Christmas celebrations have matured over
the years, I find more joy out of being together
with my family at Christmas now because I feel like
I've let go of all the tinsel and glitter that
was not important. You know, all these years I've been
(08:03):
kind of doing things because that's either what I felt
was expected or needful to have a merry Christmas. But
as the kids have grown older, they've actually been very
articulate about the things that matter and the things that don't.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Yeah, you know, it didn't come up in the research,
and it's what I would say is the merry's Christmas
just comes from seeing joy and a lot on the kids' faces,
and that was in the research. Hey, after the break,
let's talk about what predicts less Christmas well being and
also a few demographic realities here that I've found fascinating
in terms of who has the merrier Christmas. We're back.
(08:43):
This is the Happy Family's podcast. Thanks so much for
being with us the research around Christmas. So far, this
Tim casse Ken Sheldon research paper has just given us
a lot to laugh about. Kylie, what's your next question
about this doctor's desk?
Speaker 2 (08:58):
So what predicts less happiness? Of all of those things
were creating more merry? All right?
Speaker 1 (09:02):
I mean, I don't even know if I agree with this.
I mean I kind of do, but I also kind
of don't. There's only two things. Number One, what predicted
less Christmas well being was when spending money and receiving
gifts predominated and number two, when Christmas was focused on
spending money and receiving gifts, which is just another way
of saying the first thing. So basically, a materialistic focus
(09:24):
seems to lead to a less merry Christmas.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
I would entirely agree with that.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
See I don't. I don't. It's really really fun when
I go out on Christmas Eve, even though we've got
no money and I'm not supposed to do it, and
I max out the credit card and buy a whole
lot of stuff with the kids, and then I watch
them open on Christmas Day and they get excited about it.
I'm just like, oh, my goodness, materialism is way better
than I always thought it was.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
And then tomorrow then.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
I'm regretful and miserable. But that's not Christmas anymore. That's
not Boxing Day. So that's Boxing Day's problem. That's tomorrow
Me's problem.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
It takes the glitter and joy of Christmas. And I
think too often, you know, when our children grow up
with this more and more and more mentality. I remember
in the early days, your mum is a gift giver.
She loves giving gifts, but not only just because she
loves giving gifts, even the smallest item has to be
(10:13):
wrapped separately, so the kids would get a pile of
presents instead of you know, a couple.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Of kid kid you not like, there would be between
ten and fifteen gifts for each child.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Now we have six children, so imagine me sitting on
the couch number one, trying to actually just follow what
each child received so I knew who got what. I
felt awful. I felt like this, you know, kind of
I don't know, hovering helicopter, but I desperately wanted to
know who got what from who so that I could
(10:46):
give thanks for who gave what to who. And my
sister in law, we both sat on the couch one
day and the pile next to us, because we both
have six children, was taller than us seated on the couch.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
I mean, the kids were going nuts. They were loving it,
but you know, but bar go ahead.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
As I watched, there was just this like literally incessant
need to open.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
The next That's what I was going to see. They
went nuts, but there was no joy in it. It
was just what else have you got me? What else
have you got me? And they'd open one thing and
literally toss the paper in one direction, tossed the new
toy or book or gift or whatever it was in
the other direction and grab the next one and do
that as well.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
So we went the complete opposite. It now means that
Christmas gift giving takes forever because we insisted that each
person open up a present and everybody watch it so
that it could take joy in it. And they still
love doing it. And now we've got lots of children,
and it's a lot, but it really gave us an
opportunity to just kind of break things up and enjoy
(11:45):
the materialism of you going shopping on Christmas Eve.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
So let's wrap this up. Basically, what the.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Data show is, it's so funny, I like unwrapping.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Basically, the research show is that a materialistic focus under
mine's well being, which is, there's this thing in the
theory of psychology that I really work hard to share
with people. There's this thing called goal contents theory. What's
your goal if you've got intrinsic goals or if you've
got extrinsic goals. Right, So what we're talking about here
with the materialistic focus is a classic extrinsic goal orientation.
(12:17):
Family and spiritually related materials support intrinsic needs and that
tends to lead to better outcomes. There was a quote
in the paper that said this wrapping presence generally yields
fewer inherent rewards than spending time playing games or conversing
with family. So that's really the take home message here.
(12:38):
There were a couple of demographic things that I just
thought i'd share quickly before we wrap it up. There's
my little punt again. Being rich, being clever, so IQ
and being in a relationship didn't really seem to have
much of an impact on how good Christmas was. Also,
males were a lot happier and less stressed than females
during the Christmas period.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
I wonder why who sets up the Christmas tree? Who
cooks the Christmas lunch? Who wraps all the presents? Who
buys all the presents?
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Just saying, I mean in our home, we both know
the answer to those questions.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
It's so interesting to me you talk about it doesn't
matter how smart you are, it doesn't matter how rich
you are. I remember back to some of our earliest
Christmas and we had very little to put on the
table and very little to put under the tree. And
one year we decided that we would do a homemade
Christmas and buying anything got all of the kids involved.
(13:32):
It made my Christmas a lot harder because I had
to supervise and help each of the kids. That's one
of my favorite Christmas.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Yeah, because there's no entitlement there, right, because everyone suddenly
understands how much work goes into it, how much effort's required,
because they've got to do the work. And then there'
suddenly like, oh, these gifts are meaningful because I worked
to create this for you, and you don't looking and go,
what's that junk you made the paper mashe because you've
also gone to that level of work and effort to give,
so you recognize and understand that there's one more thing
(14:00):
that's worth throwing in here from a different research paper
in terms of what to get people if you know
them well, the research shows get them something that you
know that they'll like because you know them well and
you know what they're gonna want. If you don't know
them well, you're not the best thing to get them
is they.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Say it's a gift voucher, but do you know what
it's so lame?
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Well, it's a gift boucher.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
As a giver, it's so lame. It feels just impersonal.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Yeah, but it is because you don't know them well
so that.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Yeah, but I'd rather give them cash, and I'd rather
find a creative way to give them cash than stick
a credit card in a envelope. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Well, I mean it's not actually about the credit card
or the gift voucher. It's about the monetary value and saying, hey,
why don't you go out and splurge on something that
you know you would like tomorrow on the boxing day sales.
That's what it's really like.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
One year, my sister she gave one of the girls
twenty dollars I think, but it was one dollar coins
and she'd blown up twenty balloons and stuck the coin
in the balloon and they had to pop all the balloons.
Like just silly things like that. It just it makes
it feel more meaningful.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Anyway. That's the paper. I will link to it in
the show notes. I don't think anyone's going read it
after the conversation we've just about it, and I don't know,
maybe it came from the University of Doing because you
knew most of it. Anyway, but I think it's an
interesting conversation. It's nice to see this and research about it.
How to have a meaning for Christmas according to research.
A Doctor's Desk episode on the Happy Families podcast, which
is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media at Mimhammonds,
(15:17):
provides research, admin and other support and if you would
like more information about making your family happier, visit us
at happy families dot com dot a
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