Justin Responds to the Bondi Terror Attacks

In this emergency episode, Justin responds to the Bondi terror attacks, offering advice on how to talk to our children, as well as how Jewish families can discuss this with their children.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
O today. This is doctor Justin Coulson on what is
just a tragic day in Australia, Monday, the fifteenth of
December yesterday. Last night, I wrote the following on my
Facebook and this is so that I can be as
helpful as I can be to families who are struggling
to know how to talk to their kids about what

(00:26):
has happened at Bondi Beach. I write the following right now.
I'm reeling. You probably are too. The news coming out
of Bondi Beach is beyond distressing. As details emerge, here
is some important guidance for parents. The first thing I
want to encourage you to do is this, keep your
kids away from the television and social media. They do

(00:47):
not need to see footage of people fleeing. They don't
need to hear gunshots. They don't need to watch distressing
scenes from one of Sydney's most iconic beaches, or from
any landmark or any place, and frankly none of us do.
Let me just add something to what I wrote, and
that's as follows. The media is invested in capturing attention.

(01:08):
They want you to have tunnel vision. They want it
to be so that you cannot look away. The hardest
thing to do is pick up that button, then press
the switch. The hardest thing to do is put your
phone away and stop scrolling and feeling like you've got
to be part of the conversation. It is the hardest
thing that you can do, but it's the most important
thing you can do for your own well being and
that of your children. If you have not been directly affected,

(01:29):
and let's just hope and pray that if you listen
to this, you haven't been. You have this extraordinary privilege
of distance. And while while I get that we want
to be up to date on what's going on in
the world, there are thousands upon thousands upon millions of
news stories that we don't hear about every day, and
our lives are better because of it. So please keep

(01:51):
your kids away from the television and social media. If
you've got an ADHD brain that just keeps on going
around and around and around on it, get added into nature.
Touch grass had a way to get away from the
TV and social media. That's my first main point. My
second one is this, not only do you need to
limit your children's media consumption, you do need to limit
your own. You cannot support your children when you are overwhelmed.

(02:14):
So if you need to, you can check some reliable
sources to get an update. I get it, but then
step away because your nervous system needs that break. And
when you step away, you get the clarity. Please don't
step into the conversation that's going to be booming all
over the country within twenty four hours that there are
political elements to this. Right now, this conversation that I'm

(02:36):
having with you is only about the kids. It's only
about parents. It's only about families. The third thing, if
the kids ask you questions, be honest, but make sure
you're our age appropriate. If they know something happened, acknowledge it.
Really simply, here's what I'd say. There was a really
scary incident at Bondi Beach. The police responded, people are

(02:56):
in custody, we're safe. You don't need to elaborate. They ask,
they probably will depending on their age. So if they
do ask more questions, just think of it like thirst.
If somebody asks for a drink, you don't go and
turn on the hose and stick it in their mouth.
What you do is you turn on the tap, you
fill a glass, and you give them a glass of water,

(03:17):
and if they need more, they'll let you know. When
it comes to giving our children information, I would encourage
you to go the same way. Okay. The fourth piece
of advice for families who are not directly affected but
want to know how to improve the situation for their
family is I want you to watch your children for
their reactions, not just their words. So anxiety is going

(03:40):
to show up as cleanliness. Your kids might have trouble sleeping,
there could be some regression, they might be irritable. And
what I would be encouraging is creating extra closeness. Read together,
stay nearby again, if you've got the blessing of distance,
go and kick a footy, go for a bike ride,
Keep them active, keep them in nature, keep them away
from screens, and especially keep them away from new The

(04:01):
fifth thing is to model calm, not panic. Your children
are watching how you respond to frightening news. So if
you take some deep breaths and speak steadily and show
them that when scary things happen in the world, we
can still feel safe in our homes and communities, that
will make a difference. And lastly, remember that this is rare. Now.
I've had a lot of pushback on social media about
whether this is rare or not. We don't have mass

(04:21):
shootings in Australia, That's what I'm getting at. This kind
of thing is rare, extremely unusual. Australia is one of
the safest countries in the world. So please don't let
this moment overshadow that truth for your children. Now, there's
a couple of other things that I want to add here,
specifically for our Jewish community. This has been building for

(04:42):
the last two years, two and a bit years, and
there are all kinds of political things that we could
say here, but we're not going to get drawn into that.
What I want to emphasize is that this was something
that was designed to make you afraid to be Jewish,
to celebrate openly, to gather as a community. And I
know that you've warned our politicians for the last couple
of years. I just all I can say is I

(05:02):
don't want you to let this attack keep you quiet.
I get that you're going to want to stay away
from everybody right now. I totally get it. But your identity,
your faith, your celebrations, they are beautiful, they matter, and
they are part of the cultural fabric of this nation.
When I look at the contribution of Jewish people in Australia,
I am absolutely flawed at how much you have done,
how much good you have done for this place. I

(05:23):
don't know how you can feel safe moving forward, but
please know that you belong here. Australia is your home.
The Jewish people have faced hatred for thousands of years
and they have survived. And the Jewish people will survive
this too, not because it's fair, because it is not
as disgraceful, but because the Jewish people are strong, their
community is strong, and love is stronger than hate. This

(05:45):
kind of hate and terry doesn't belong in Australia. And
so what I would hope and pray is that you
can hold your people, your loved ones close. Now a
little bit of information specifically for Jewish parents, because my
social media was full of Jewish parents saying I want
to give my child that light age appropriate overview that

(06:07):
you've just described. That Jewish children don't have that luxury.
They walk past armed guards to get to their classroom.
They're not allowed to wear their school uniform in public
because of fear of violence. Their innocence is already gone.
So that mother, she's right, and I'm heartbroken for every
Jewish parent who is navigating this today. So here's what

(06:30):
I think the best research and what basic human decency
tells us that your children need. And a lot of
this is relevant for every family, Jewish or non Jewish,
but I want to share this specifically for my Jewish
brothers and sisters. First of all, I think that you
need to tell your children in age appropriate ways the truth,
and it needs to be spoken really clearly. It shouldn't
be softened. It would be something like this yesterday, two people,

(06:53):
and I would actually focus on it being two people
came to hurt Jewish families who are celebrating a religious
event because I hate Jewish people. That is called anti semitism,
and it is evil. And the reason that I would
get you to call it that directly is because children
can handle hard truths way better than they can handle
sensing that you're hiding something. The second thing that I

(07:15):
would encourage you to do is to name their feelings.
Name all of their feelings, let them know. And again
he's a suggested sentence. Today's a really hard day and
you feel worried. You might say it's scary or it's unfair,
or you're angry, or you're sad, or you feel unsafe.
Validation does not make it worse. It helps kids process
their feelings. So let them cry, let them rage, Sit

(07:37):
with them in whatever they're feeling. Don't rush, don't try
to be their therapist. Just let them feel what they're feeling.
Third thing I'd say is answer their questions honestly. If
they say, why do people hate this, you can answer
by saying because anti Semitism has existed for thousands of
years and some people carry that hatred in their hearts.
If they say, is it going to happen again, answer

(07:58):
them honestly say I don't know, but what I do
know is that we're going to do everything we can
to keep you safe. Don't promise something that you can't guarantee,
but let them know that you're there for them. Okay.
The next thing I want to encourage you to do
is to reinforce their identity as strength. Don't make it
that being Jewish makes you vulnerable. Make it that being
Jewish makes you strong. Specifically, I would say something like

(08:23):
being Jewish is not something to hide or be ashamed of.
It's who you are, and it's beautiful. These people want
you to be afraid to be Jewish. We won't give
them that. I want you to help them to see
their identity something to be proud of. Especially now. The
next thing is one of my favorite things about the
Jewish community. I think that they need to see community

(08:44):
in action. Specifically, let them see shiver and I don't
know if I'm pronouncing that correctly because I don't know
how to how to speak Hebrew, but the Shiver ritual.
Let them see people showing up. Bring them in so
that they can put dissipate in the rituals in whatever
way is appropriate and consistent with your culture. Children will

(09:06):
heal through feeling that they belong. I think that the
Jewish community knows this. You've been doing it for millennia
and doing it well. This is the time to trust
those traditions. Honestly, I'm envious of those traditions. I wish
they are part of our broader social life. All right,
last couple of things. If you come from a Jewish background,
create safety, but don't create paralysis, So be vigilant. I

(09:27):
get that you need to have security and lock the
doors and triple check, triple check everything, but there have
to be ways where you can let them play and
laugh and be children, because trauma research shows that when
we manage and process fear effectively, rather than being consumed
by it, we overcome trauma much faster. They're watching how

(09:47):
you respond, So a last note on responding, let them
see you grief and then let them see you stand up.
So I wouldn't be hiding tears, I wouldn't be hiding anger.
I wouldn't be hiding yourself. I wouldn't be silenced. What
I would be doing is and it's easy for me
to say because this isn't me. So I mean, I

(10:08):
kin'd of feel a little bit hypocritical saying because I'm
not going through it. But I want you to model resilience,
not by pretending everything's fine, but by showing them that
even in the face of hatred, you keep going, you
keep celebrating, you keep being Jewish. So they're my initial thoughts.
I want to share them with you. Finally, if you're
not Jewish and you're listening to this, just to note,

(10:30):
the Jewish community right now needs more than our thoughts
and prayers. They need more than I don't know a
flag on Facebook. If you're willing to do that. They
need our voices, they need our solidarity, they need our
refusal to tolerate anti Semitism in any form, casual jokes,
conspiracy theories, criticism of Israel. Right now, that's not what
we need because since October eight of twenty twenty three,

(10:50):
Australia has honestly offered no voice, no solidarity, and has
unfortunately openly allowed anti Semitism. And this is where it's led.
And I know there are people who push back and say,
well there's a Special to the Prime Minister about antisemitism.
Yeah there is, but the government's done nothing about any
of the recommendations that the Special Envoy made. And this
has just grown over the last couple of years. Somebody said,

(11:13):
well what about Palestine and what about Gaza? And in fact,
not just somebody, I've deleted more comments than I care
to count where people are saying there's a whole lot
of what aboutism going on right now. I want to
just go back to Black Lives Matter for a minute.
At the time of Black Lives Matter, I actually said,
you know what, it's really important that we acknowledge the
Black lives matter, But can we just acknowledge that all

(11:35):
lives matter. And I thought I was being really sensible
when I said it, but somebody quite a lot younger
than me made a comment and it really stuck with me,
and I actually think that in some ways, well not
in some ways, I actually think they were right. They said,
if you're in a street, every house matters, right, you
want every house to be safe and secure, you want
every house to stay standing. Every house matters. But if
there's a house that's on fire, everyone in the neighborhood

(11:57):
should come out and put the fire out and make
sure that the people and the house are okay. And
they said, right now, there's a racism issue, and black
lives matter, and the black house is on fire, so
we're going to go and put the fire out. Well, today,
the Jewish house is on fire metaphorically and in some
ways even physically, and it's up to us as a
community to go and put the fire out so that

(12:21):
our Jewish brothers and sisters and neighbors and friends can
live in their house in peace and safety. So please
reach out to your Jewish friends and neighbors and support them,
and please be strong enough to call out anti semitism
when you see it. Now isn't the time to say, well,
we need to watch out for a backlash in Islamophobia. No,

(12:42):
no, no no, because that house is not on fire right now.
It's the Jewish house that's on fire, and that's the
one that we need to look after. Thanks for listening.
I hope this has been helpful as a quick, I
don't know emergency podcast, and it's all of my friends

(13:03):
who have been affected by this, and to every family
who's been affected by this. I hope that the things
that I've shared have been helpful. You'll find more up
to the minute kind of stuff on my Facebook page,
Doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families