September 22, 2025 • 13 mins
Ever come home from work to a house that looks like a bomb went off—while your partner relaxes? Today Justin answers a listener who’s furious at a husband who won’t pull his weight. Is it laziness, “feigned incompetence,” or something deeper? Justin shares the tough-love steps every parent needs to hear to reclaim balance without a shouting match.
Plus: a second listener asks for help with a 12-year-old facing anxiety, insomnia, and no friends—Justin’s practical roadmap will give you hope tonight.
KEY POINTS
- Why “feigned incompetence” is a relationship killer—and how to call it out with compassion.
- Three steps to stop enabling: drop the martyr act, have the hard conversation, and set clear expectations.
- Family meetings as a secret weapon for shared responsibility.
- Supporting a tween with severe anxiety and sleep struggles: routines, medical checks, and delight-driven activities.
- How better sleep restores calm for the whole household.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“You deserve a partner, not a project.” – Dr Justin Coulson
RESOURCES
- Couples meeting [Podcast Episode]
- The Importance of Sleep: How I Work Crossover [Podcast Episode]
- #452 Weaponised Incompetence [Podcast Episode]
- Parenting On The Same Page [Webinar]
- We Need to Talk About Parent Wellbeing [Webinar]
- A Grown Up’s Guide to Worry Stacking (and how to help kids kick it!) [Download]
- Riding the Waves: Tools for Taming Anxiety [Course for kids & teens]
- #310 Bedtime is the Right Time [Podcast Episode]
- #990 Mental Health Challenges with Anne Hollonds [Podcast Episode]
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
- Name the Load – Write down every daily task you’re carrying; share it with your partner without blame.
- Set a Couple’s Meeting – Weekly 15-minute check-ins to agree on chores, schedules, and support.
- Prioritise Sleep – Create predictable bedtime routines for kids and adults.
- Find Delight – Help your child discover activities that light them up to ease anxiety and improve sleep.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Today answering your questions on the Happy Family's podcast about
a husband who refuses to pull his weight and leaves
the house and mass leaves everything for his wife to do.
What is going on there? As well as that a
twelve year old who is dealing with massive anxiety, can't
go to sleep at night, has no friends, and is
causing so much stress and challenge in the home. Stay
(00:27):
with us. Hello, my name is doctor Justin Courson. Welcome
to the Happy Famili's podcast. Is so good to have
you here. If you would like to know about how
to make your family happier, if you'd like to know
about how to improve your well being, if you'd like
to know about how to make your relationships stronger. In fact,
if you'd like to ask me anything at all, just
to submit your questions with the super simple system at
(00:48):
Happy families dot com dot au. All you have to
do is go to the homepage, click the record button
at the podcast section, and start talking. That is literally it.
Let's fire this one up. The first question comes from
somebody who is anonymous, and this is what they've asked.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Hey, Justin and Kylie incredibly frustrated right now. I can't
be everything to everyone. My husband acts like he doesn't
expect anything of me, but then when he needs to
step up, he just can't. I honestly think it's feigned
in competence. I got the house prepared for the school
holidays so that it was easy to have time with
the kids instead of spending all my time cleaning and
(01:25):
chasing my tail. I also managed to keep it clean
the entire first week of the holidays, despite having playdates
and many cooking sessions and messy play games with my kids.
On the weekend, I picked up a shift, and when
I got home at ten pm from said shift, the
house was a bomb. I am just so angry that
he didn't take half an hour to get everything in
(01:47):
order so that I wouldn't have to come home to
a pig sty. What am I meant to do with
a husband who is more of a child than my kids?
Thanks so much.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Okay, this one's a tough one. I want to give you,
a husband, the benefit of the doubt to suggest that
there are other ways to do parenting other than the
way that you want it to be done. I really
think that sometimes perspective taking can be helpful. And it
sounds like you're just so stressed out both of you
that there are any number of explanations for what could
be going on. Therefore, what I'm about to say you
(02:17):
need to really, I guess, take with a grain of
salt if there's any compassion or empathy or any other
way of seeing things based on the information you've given me. Though,
let's call a spade a spade. If your husband is
feigning incompetence, that's a load of garbage. He's not helpless.
He's choosing not to help. He is an adult, he's capable,
and he's leaving you overwhelmed, and he's leaving you resentful.
(02:38):
You're trying to juggle work, the kids, a spotless house,
navigating the NDAs mays, and it sounds to me like
he's coasting. That's not a partnership. It's a one woman
show with a very reluctant audience member. So here's my advice,
minus any ultimatums or anything like that, because I don't
think that's what we need here. And I want to
add one more time, the caveat. We might have this
(03:01):
all wrong. Maybe he's choosing to play with the kids
rather than tidy the house because that's what he values,
and that's where he thinks he can add the most value.
Maybe he's choosing to bust himself all day at work
and when he comes home he is absolutely cooked and
has nothing left. I don't like what I'm hearing. I'm
not convinced that that's what's going on, but I do
want to give him the benefit of the doubt if
(03:21):
we can. If I'm wrong, if you're right. Three things.
Number one, don't be a martyr. You're not wonder woman.
You are a human being, and human beings need help.
They need sleep, they need support, they need a community
and a village, and they need a partner who is
on their team. So I would stop trying to do
it all and move into conversations where you can talk
(03:42):
with him about what he's doing to make the contribution
that's necessary to keep things moving and to take the
load off you. That might involve number two, having what
some people might call a come to Jesus meeting where
you sit down and you lay it all out, the
exhaustion and maybe even the resentment and the unfairness, and
be honest about it, but don't be accusatory. Okay, this
(04:03):
isn't about pointing the finger and saying you're not pulling
your weight, you're not doing what you should be doing. Rather,
it's about saying I'm doing all of these things and
it's not sustainable, and I need your help. And I
know you're helping in a variety of ways that you
think really do help, but they're not the things that
I need the most. That's what I mean there. Okay,
this has got to be a very careful conversation, not
a blame game, or it will blow up. The third
(04:25):
thing that I would recommend that you do here, my
anonymous friend is set some really clear expectations around what
you're looking for, and probably I want to say consequences,
but that's not the right word. Here's how i'd say it.
Don't just vent offer solutions so it might bit you say,
this is what I'm struggling with. There's the resentment, there's
the unfairness, there's the exhaustion. And I've put this list
(04:47):
together of things that I think we can work on together.
Or here's this shared calendar, or here's a chore chart,
whatever it takes to get him involved. And I guess
that's the bit where if he doesn't follow through, if
he's unwilling. Well, I guess, first of all, if he's unwilling,
but he's got really good reasons for being unwilling, then
that means that you have that conversation and work it
(05:08):
out from there. If he's able to do stuff but
just doesn't, that's the bit where you say, all right, well,
if you're not willing to step up, I'm going to
step out, and when I come back, I need these
things done. Have a me day or take the kids
out or I don't know, whatever it is that you
(05:28):
need to do so that you can make it clear
to him that there's an expectation that's not being satisfied.
Bottom line here, you deserve a partner, not a project
if you are doing all of this work. I think
that in some ways this is a hard thing to say,
but based on the scenario that I've been presented with here,
(05:49):
some of what's going on with the very best of
intentions leads to enabling his laziness. He needs to participate
in the family family meetings. I've talked about them endlessly
on the podcast. I think a couple's meeting is the
kind of thing that's going to get this thing moving forward.
What's going well what's not What can we work on together,
getting on the same page. That's the way that I'd
(06:10):
be heading with this. I know it's a sort of
a tough love conversation. Good luck, really tricky one. Let's
move on to question number two from Michelle and Victoria.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Hi, Justin, and Carli. Recently, my twelve year old daughter
was assessed autism and ADHD. She has chronic insomnia and
steeps in our bed. She regularly has anxiety attacks before bed.
The next day, we are all exhausted. Her worst anxiety
is no friends at school. She doesn't want to sleep
(06:48):
at night because she says that her mind won't switch off.
In her words, she says, it's like eating a rotten banana.
You know how terrible it tastes, and you know there's
nothing that you can do to stop it happening again
and again. Please could you give us your best advice
to health?
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Oh, Michelle, I hear the exhaustion, and I hear the desperation,
and this is such a hard one. A couple of
things here. The first thing that I want to highlight
is that psychological support from a qualified mental health practitioner
is going to be your best bet. Here, I can
only say so much in five or six minutes on
the podcast, but what I do want to share with you,
(07:27):
hopefully will be helpful in a general sense. Specific help
from somebody who can dive deep into your circumstances is
going to be helpful. I want to start with the
definition of mental health. The way that I look at
mental health is this. Mental health is having the tolerance
for difficult feelings and being able to respond to those
difficult feelings and adaptive and functional ways. And what I'm
(07:49):
hearing in your message on the part of your daughter
is an undeniable absence of mental health. She is struggling
with its opposite, with mental illness, which is a tremendous challenge,
and you've articulated it so well. Something that you didn't
quite clarify for me, though, is you said that your
daughter has been assessed for autism and ADHD, but you
(08:13):
didn't indicate whether she has been diagnosed with those things,
and so I'm a little bit limited in what I
can say based on that uncertainty that I have in
your message. Let's talk about anxiety, because that's something that
you were very clear about. Anxiety around bed and anxiety
around social challenges. Let's start with the bedtime stuff. Bedtime
routine I think is key to your wellbeing and to
(08:36):
your daughter's well being. In fact, if there was one
wellbeing hack and one parenting hack that I could give you,
it's got nothing to do with wellbeing or parenting. It's
just get enough sleep. And clearly that's not happening for you.
This is a really oh it's just a really hard one.
I'd be talking with a GP, a medical practitioner, and
having a look at any kind of medical issues that
(08:57):
could be promoting this. It does sound like it's primarily
psycho logical, but there are also different kinds of medical
support that you can get medical interventions, pharmaceutical and interventions
that can help your daughter to sleep without being heavily pharmaceutical, Like,
there are natural versions of many pharmaceutical products, and I'd
be having a chat about the safest and healthiest options
(09:19):
there with a GP or somebody else that you trust
with that kind of advice. Getting enough sleep is going
to be really, really, really key to you having success.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Here.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
When I listen to this, I just parents make such
huge sacrifices. We're required that our children demanded of us,
that we make these enormous sacrifices. When it comes to sleep,
this might be one of those sacrifices. I'd be looking
at what kind of a routine works for her, What
do we need to do to get her to sleep,
and if that means that she sleeps in bed with mum,
(09:49):
or that Dad goes and sleeps in another room, or
that you come up with some kind of a solution,
that may be quite a sacrifice that helps her to
get the sleep. In fact, helps everyone to get the
sleep that they need. You're going to find that tempers
are going to be much much more in control of you.
To find you've got psychological and cognitive and you're gonna
have more capacity, more resources to respond to the challenges
(10:10):
that you're experiencing. And they're significant challenges. Let's move away
from the exhaustion and the sleep for a moment and
talk about something that it's going to sound like it's
a little bit off track, but I think it's really important.
I'm curious, when you've got a twelve year old girl,
what is it that ignites delight in her life. I'd
be looking for ways that I could create that in
(10:31):
her life. We've recently and this is a personal anecdote
that will highlight the kind of thing that I'm describing now.
Fourteen year old recently had the opportunity to go and
volunteer at a horse I guess you'd call a ranch
I don't know. I mean, does Australia have ranchers at
a facility where there are hundreds of horses? She's in
love with horses. And she shoveled pool and she brushed horses,
(10:53):
and she saddled them and she put bridles on them.
And she got to go on some horse rides. What
do you call that when you jump on the horse
with a bunch of people. I can't think of what
it is. But she got to go on some horse ride,
things along the tracks in the mountains and that kind
of thing. And for a week she stayed at my
parents on the New South Wales central coast and they
helped her to get to and from while she had
(11:14):
this experience and it changed, she became a different person.
She was not involved with her screens. She was going
to bed early. She was waking up at five o'clock
even though she didn't have to be there until like
eight or eight thirty or something like that. It fundamentally
changed her experience of life. Her social circles have changed.
Everything shifted because of what she's done there. And so
(11:34):
my question for you is what ignites delight in your
daughter and can you prioritize that. Can she be involved
in that extracurricular activity two or three or four days
a week. Can she be in a place where there
is social safety two or three or four days a week.
What can we do to help her to have more
(11:55):
experiences of autonomy and competence and real relationship with others.
Those kinds of experiences will subdue anxiety and also help her,
I think, especially if they're physically engaging, help her to
sleep better because she's just going to be exhausted. Last
of all, the social anxiety. I'm going to recommend all
(12:16):
the usual stuff, the sort of things that people talk about,
like getting together with friends, helping her to be in
safe places with people that she gets along well with,
developing relationships with people that she's got an interest in,
working with other parents, talking to the teachers, involving other
adults that work with her. These are the kinds of
things that most people would recommend. For this kind of thing,
it's a bit of a tricky one, but that's the
(12:37):
direction that I'd definitely be pointing you towards there. Ultimately,
you want to have a calm household. Tough love isn't
going to work. I think validation of emotions, normalization. You
know what a lot of kids struggle with this. You're
not going through anything particularly unusual. It is kind of calmon.
It doesn't mean it's not challenging, but it is kind
of common. Let's get a predictable routine. Let's work with
our mental health provider to get the support that we
(12:59):
need and see where we go from there. It's a
really tough one. Michelle from Victoria, thank you so much
for the question. Good luck, hard work in front of you.
But I know that if you stay the course and
work through these processes, they will make a difference for you.
Thanks so much for your questions. Next week more of
your Happy Families questions. You can submit your questions via
the super simple system at happy families dot com dot
(13:22):
You just scroll down to where the podcasts are, press
the record button, start talking. It's really that simple, and
I love answering your questions. The Happy Families podcast is
produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. More information about
making your family happier as available at happy families dot com,
dot you
Today answering your questions on the Happy Family's podcast about
a husband who refuses to pull his weight and leaves
the house and mass leaves everything for his wife to do.
What is going on there? As well as that a
twelve year old who is dealing with massive anxiety, can't
go to sleep at night, has no friends, and is
causing so much stress and challenge in the home. Stay
(00:27):
with us. Hello, my name is doctor Justin Courson. Welcome
to the Happy Famili's podcast. Is so good to have
you here. If you would like to know about how
to make your family happier, if you'd like to know
about how to improve your well being, if you'd like
to know about how to make your relationships stronger. In fact,
if you'd like to ask me anything at all, just
to submit your questions with the super simple system at
(00:48):
Happy families dot com dot au. All you have to
do is go to the homepage, click the record button
at the podcast section, and start talking. That is literally it.
Let's fire this one up. The first question comes from
somebody who is anonymous, and this is what they've asked.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Hey, Justin and Kylie incredibly frustrated right now. I can't
be everything to everyone. My husband acts like he doesn't
expect anything of me, but then when he needs to
step up, he just can't. I honestly think it's feigned
in competence. I got the house prepared for the school
holidays so that it was easy to have time with
the kids instead of spending all my time cleaning and
(01:25):
chasing my tail. I also managed to keep it clean
the entire first week of the holidays, despite having playdates
and many cooking sessions and messy play games with my kids.
On the weekend, I picked up a shift, and when
I got home at ten pm from said shift, the
house was a bomb. I am just so angry that
he didn't take half an hour to get everything in
(01:47):
order so that I wouldn't have to come home to
a pig sty. What am I meant to do with
a husband who is more of a child than my kids?
Thanks so much.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Okay, this one's a tough one. I want to give you,
a husband, the benefit of the doubt to suggest that
there are other ways to do parenting other than the
way that you want it to be done. I really
think that sometimes perspective taking can be helpful. And it
sounds like you're just so stressed out both of you
that there are any number of explanations for what could
be going on. Therefore, what I'm about to say you
(02:17):
need to really, I guess, take with a grain of
salt if there's any compassion or empathy or any other
way of seeing things based on the information you've given me. Though,
let's call a spade a spade. If your husband is
feigning incompetence, that's a load of garbage. He's not helpless.
He's choosing not to help. He is an adult, he's capable,
and he's leaving you overwhelmed, and he's leaving you resentful.
(02:38):
You're trying to juggle work, the kids, a spotless house,
navigating the NDAs mays, and it sounds to me like
he's coasting. That's not a partnership. It's a one woman
show with a very reluctant audience member. So here's my advice,
minus any ultimatums or anything like that, because I don't
think that's what we need here. And I want to
add one more time, the caveat. We might have this
(03:01):
all wrong. Maybe he's choosing to play with the kids
rather than tidy the house because that's what he values,
and that's where he thinks he can add the most value.
Maybe he's choosing to bust himself all day at work
and when he comes home he is absolutely cooked and
has nothing left. I don't like what I'm hearing. I'm
not convinced that that's what's going on, but I do
want to give him the benefit of the doubt if
(03:21):
we can. If I'm wrong, if you're right. Three things.
Number one, don't be a martyr. You're not wonder woman.
You are a human being, and human beings need help.
They need sleep, they need support, they need a community
and a village, and they need a partner who is
on their team. So I would stop trying to do
it all and move into conversations where you can talk
(03:42):
with him about what he's doing to make the contribution
that's necessary to keep things moving and to take the
load off you. That might involve number two, having what
some people might call a come to Jesus meeting where
you sit down and you lay it all out, the
exhaustion and maybe even the resentment and the unfairness, and
be honest about it, but don't be accusatory. Okay, this
(04:03):
isn't about pointing the finger and saying you're not pulling
your weight, you're not doing what you should be doing. Rather,
it's about saying I'm doing all of these things and
it's not sustainable, and I need your help. And I
know you're helping in a variety of ways that you
think really do help, but they're not the things that
I need the most. That's what I mean there. Okay,
this has got to be a very careful conversation, not
a blame game, or it will blow up. The third
(04:25):
thing that I would recommend that you do here, my
anonymous friend is set some really clear expectations around what
you're looking for, and probably I want to say consequences,
but that's not the right word. Here's how i'd say it.
Don't just vent offer solutions so it might bit you say,
this is what I'm struggling with. There's the resentment, there's
the unfairness, there's the exhaustion. And I've put this list
(04:47):
together of things that I think we can work on together.
Or here's this shared calendar, or here's a chore chart,
whatever it takes to get him involved. And I guess
that's the bit where if he doesn't follow through, if
he's unwilling. Well, I guess, first of all, if he's unwilling,
but he's got really good reasons for being unwilling, then
that means that you have that conversation and work it
(05:08):
out from there. If he's able to do stuff but
just doesn't, that's the bit where you say, all right, well,
if you're not willing to step up, I'm going to
step out, and when I come back, I need these
things done. Have a me day or take the kids
out or I don't know, whatever it is that you
(05:28):
need to do so that you can make it clear
to him that there's an expectation that's not being satisfied.
Bottom line here, you deserve a partner, not a project
if you are doing all of this work. I think
that in some ways this is a hard thing to say,
but based on the scenario that I've been presented with here,
(05:49):
some of what's going on with the very best of
intentions leads to enabling his laziness. He needs to participate
in the family family meetings. I've talked about them endlessly
on the podcast. I think a couple's meeting is the
kind of thing that's going to get this thing moving forward.
What's going well what's not What can we work on together,
getting on the same page. That's the way that I'd
(06:10):
be heading with this. I know it's a sort of
a tough love conversation. Good luck, really tricky one. Let's
move on to question number two from Michelle and Victoria.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
Hi, Justin, and Carli. Recently, my twelve year old daughter
was assessed autism and ADHD. She has chronic insomnia and
steeps in our bed. She regularly has anxiety attacks before bed.
The next day, we are all exhausted. Her worst anxiety
is no friends at school. She doesn't want to sleep
(06:48):
at night because she says that her mind won't switch off.
In her words, she says, it's like eating a rotten banana.
You know how terrible it tastes, and you know there's
nothing that you can do to stop it happening again
and again. Please could you give us your best advice
to health?
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Oh, Michelle, I hear the exhaustion, and I hear the desperation,
and this is such a hard one. A couple of
things here. The first thing that I want to highlight
is that psychological support from a qualified mental health practitioner
is going to be your best bet. Here, I can
only say so much in five or six minutes on
the podcast, but what I do want to share with you,
(07:27):
hopefully will be helpful in a general sense. Specific help
from somebody who can dive deep into your circumstances is
going to be helpful. I want to start with the
definition of mental health. The way that I look at
mental health is this. Mental health is having the tolerance
for difficult feelings and being able to respond to those
difficult feelings and adaptive and functional ways. And what I'm
(07:49):
hearing in your message on the part of your daughter
is an undeniable absence of mental health. She is struggling
with its opposite, with mental illness, which is a tremendous challenge,
and you've articulated it so well. Something that you didn't
quite clarify for me, though, is you said that your
daughter has been assessed for autism and ADHD, but you
(08:13):
didn't indicate whether she has been diagnosed with those things,
and so I'm a little bit limited in what I
can say based on that uncertainty that I have in
your message. Let's talk about anxiety, because that's something that
you were very clear about. Anxiety around bed and anxiety
around social challenges. Let's start with the bedtime stuff. Bedtime
routine I think is key to your wellbeing and to
(08:36):
your daughter's well being. In fact, if there was one
wellbeing hack and one parenting hack that I could give you,
it's got nothing to do with wellbeing or parenting. It's
just get enough sleep. And clearly that's not happening for you.
This is a really oh it's just a really hard one.
I'd be talking with a GP, a medical practitioner, and
having a look at any kind of medical issues that
(08:57):
could be promoting this. It does sound like it's primarily
psycho logical, but there are also different kinds of medical
support that you can get medical interventions, pharmaceutical and interventions
that can help your daughter to sleep without being heavily pharmaceutical, Like,
there are natural versions of many pharmaceutical products, and I'd
be having a chat about the safest and healthiest options
(09:19):
there with a GP or somebody else that you trust
with that kind of advice. Getting enough sleep is going
to be really, really, really key to you having success.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Here.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
When I listen to this, I just parents make such
huge sacrifices. We're required that our children demanded of us,
that we make these enormous sacrifices. When it comes to sleep,
this might be one of those sacrifices. I'd be looking
at what kind of a routine works for her, What
do we need to do to get her to sleep,
and if that means that she sleeps in bed with mum,
(09:49):
or that Dad goes and sleeps in another room, or
that you come up with some kind of a solution,
that may be quite a sacrifice that helps her to
get the sleep. In fact, helps everyone to get the
sleep that they need. You're going to find that tempers
are going to be much much more in control of you.
To find you've got psychological and cognitive and you're gonna
have more capacity, more resources to respond to the challenges
(10:10):
that you're experiencing. And they're significant challenges. Let's move away
from the exhaustion and the sleep for a moment and
talk about something that it's going to sound like it's
a little bit off track, but I think it's really important.
I'm curious, when you've got a twelve year old girl,
what is it that ignites delight in her life. I'd
be looking for ways that I could create that in
(10:31):
her life. We've recently and this is a personal anecdote
that will highlight the kind of thing that I'm describing now.
Fourteen year old recently had the opportunity to go and
volunteer at a horse I guess you'd call a ranch
I don't know. I mean, does Australia have ranchers at
a facility where there are hundreds of horses? She's in
love with horses. And she shoveled pool and she brushed horses,
(10:53):
and she saddled them and she put bridles on them.
And she got to go on some horse rides. What
do you call that when you jump on the horse
with a bunch of people. I can't think of what
it is. But she got to go on some horse ride,
things along the tracks in the mountains and that kind
of thing. And for a week she stayed at my
parents on the New South Wales central coast and they
helped her to get to and from while she had
(11:14):
this experience and it changed, she became a different person.
She was not involved with her screens. She was going
to bed early. She was waking up at five o'clock
even though she didn't have to be there until like
eight or eight thirty or something like that. It fundamentally
changed her experience of life. Her social circles have changed.
Everything shifted because of what she's done there. And so
(11:34):
my question for you is what ignites delight in your
daughter and can you prioritize that. Can she be involved
in that extracurricular activity two or three or four days
a week. Can she be in a place where there
is social safety two or three or four days a week.
What can we do to help her to have more
(11:55):
experiences of autonomy and competence and real relationship with others.
Those kinds of experiences will subdue anxiety and also help her,
I think, especially if they're physically engaging, help her to
sleep better because she's just going to be exhausted. Last
of all, the social anxiety. I'm going to recommend all
(12:16):
the usual stuff, the sort of things that people talk about,
like getting together with friends, helping her to be in
safe places with people that she gets along well with,
developing relationships with people that she's got an interest in,
working with other parents, talking to the teachers, involving other
adults that work with her. These are the kinds of
things that most people would recommend. For this kind of thing,
it's a bit of a tricky one, but that's the
(12:37):
direction that I'd definitely be pointing you towards there. Ultimately,
you want to have a calm household. Tough love isn't
going to work. I think validation of emotions, normalization. You
know what a lot of kids struggle with this. You're
not going through anything particularly unusual. It is kind of calmon.
It doesn't mean it's not challenging, but it is kind
of common. Let's get a predictable routine. Let's work with
our mental health provider to get the support that we
(12:59):
need and see where we go from there. It's a
really tough one. Michelle from Victoria, thank you so much
for the question. Good luck, hard work in front of you.
But I know that if you stay the course and
work through these processes, they will make a difference for you.
Thanks so much for your questions. Next week more of
your Happy Families questions. You can submit your questions via
the super simple system at happy families dot com dot
(13:22):
You just scroll down to where the podcasts are, press
the record button, start talking. It's really that simple, and
I love answering your questions. The Happy Families podcast is
produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. More information about
making your family happier as available at happy families dot com,
dot you
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