October 23, 2025 • 16 mins
Even parenting experts don’t always nail it. In this heartfelt “I’ll Do Better Tomorrow” episode, Justin and Kylie open up about those moments when good intentions go sideways — and what it really takes to repair connection with your kids. From tearful teenage meltdowns to awkward dinner-table confessions, this is an honest, hope-filled reminder that your love matters more than your mistakes.
KEY POINTS:
- Why even the best parents get it wrong sometimes — and why that’s okay
- How to apologise with authenticity (without making excuses)
- The power of “creating a culture” of open, honest conversation
- Why repair matters more than perfection
- How strong family relationships let kids talk about anything
- Teaching teens accountability and empathy through your own example
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
“My love for you is bigger than all the walkouts in the world.” — Dr Justin Coulson
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
- The Parenting Revolution by Dr Justin Coulson
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
- When conflict happens, pause — don’t react.
- Say sorry sincerely when you’ve messed up.
- Focus on rebuilding connection, not being right.
- Create safe spaces for tricky or blush-worthy conversations.
- Keep reminding your kids: your love is unconditional.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Sometimes raising kids can be really tricky. What do you
do when you are so sure that you are getting
it right but you are not. What do you do
when every time you open your mouth your child looks
at you and says you're getting it wrong again, but
I'd say so nicely actually, And how do you recover
from tricky questions and tough conversations that are unexpected at
(00:28):
the dining table in front of everybody, including people who
really don't want to be part of that conversation. That's
today on our Old Do Better Tomorrow episode of The
Happy Families podcast Stay with Us. Hello, Welcome to The
Happy Family's podcast. It's real parenting solutions every single day
on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
We are Justin and Kylie Colson.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Friday is to day where we get the most practical
and I'm excited for today's I'll do Better Tomorrow. Just
before we do a couple of things. First off, in
big news in our family, we have two daughters that
celebrated birthdays in the last week or so, same day,
three years apart.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
I planned that well.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
I can't believe you're taking the credit for that.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
That was all me that's entirely me hilarious. I have
no idea what day it is. I just know that
I love spending time with you.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Not only did I plan it to the day, they
were eighteen minutes apart on the eighteenth.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Okay, well again, I can't really claim very much.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
There, although I was involved at the start and the end,
so there was definitely some Let's move on, the joy
of seeing your children have their birthdays is great, but
I wanted to play something that came through a voice
message from the super simple system at Happy Families dot
com dot auie. You just scroll down to where it
says podcast, press the record button and start talking. Alyssa
left us this message. You haven't heard it. Just wanted
(01:46):
to share this one with you.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Hi, Justin and Kylie. I recently listened to your podcast
wy exam results don't define your child, and the timing
couldn't have been better. Our eldest is in year twelve
and coming up to exams. She's always struggled with test conditions,
determined to give it her best and then take a
gap year. I've shared many of your podcasts with her,
and she actually listened to this one few. It really resonated,
(02:08):
we'd love your advice and how she might gain the
type of life experience you mentioned, and what guidance or
loose rules you might have given your own children during
their gap years at home. We've suggested she work to
earn money and independence, but aren't sure how to set
fair expectations like contributing to rent or food while keeping
it supportive. Would love your advice. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
I love that we've got you twelve students listening to
our podcasts. I hope they're not failing their exams as
a result of listening to our podcast But I just thought,
even though today's an older bitter tomorrow, some really quick
advice on what we tell our kids about gap years.
Because we are big believers in gap years, we say,
be productive. You're not allowed to sit on the couch,
not allowed to stare at your phone. You've got to
have a full time work or full time volunteering full.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Time yes, so it's either your earning or you're learning,
and our girls have done really well with that. As
far as paying bored, we've just made it really simple.
It's ten percent of whatever their owning, so some weeks
that means it's four dollars seventy and other weeks it's
forty seven dollars. But it's actually not about what they're paying.
It's about getting them into the habit of being able
(03:11):
to give that money.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yeah, and finding ways that you can contribute the community,
do something that's bigger than you. We have a faith background,
so that makes that a little bit easier. Churches are
often integrated in that way, and our kids have gone
and done church mission work, which has been great, but
there are so many other things that you can do.
I'm also a really big fan of the Armed Forces
doing a twelve month gap year that's paid, Like kids
get paid eighty thousand dollars straight out of high school,
(03:33):
or they're about to go and do a twelve month
gap year with the Army, and I just think it's
with the Navy or with the Air Force, and I
think it's absolutely fantastic, and I think.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
It's really good if you just have some you know,
kind of general expectations around what they contribute in the home.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Yeah, that's totally yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Yeah, so that you're both on the same page, because
it's one thing is as a parent, you're thinking that
they're going to do X Y, and Z and they're
completely not on the same page, and it just causes
there's lots of tension. But if you both are in
agreement that X, Y and Z needs to be done
each week, and you're happy to kind of work in
with timeframes and things like that, then things are going
to be a lot better for both of you because
(04:12):
you've got this child who's not really a child anymore,
but still a child.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Yeah, especially, I mean, I reckon eighteen year olds today
are the equivalent of fifteen or sixteen year olds when
I was growing up. And I'm not saying that in
a disparaging way. That's what the world has created. The
world has stunted our kids development because of the way
we coddled them all the way through, and these gap
years are important for their development.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Well, Elsa, I hope that's been helpful. Good luck with
the exams. We're in the same boat as you. So
I'm just holding my breath for another few weeks and
we're done.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Cannot wait. I can not wait, Kylie.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
We try not to make too much noise about this,
but I've been really slack end of August, going back
a couple of months, but end of August We got
a couple of reviews that came through.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
On Apple Podcasts, and I just wanted to share them
with you real quick.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Number one, this one comes from sports MoMA, who said,
thank you for reminding me that no is okay. As
a mum of a fourteen year old without a mobile
phone and an eleven year old not on roadblocks, I'm
reminded at times that I'm the world's worst mum. But
listening to your podcast over the years, and having had
the joy of meeting you in person, has given me
the strength to remember why I say no. Some days,
the battles are hard and I don't feel like the
(05:19):
ally my kids want, but I will always stand strong
as the mum they need. From Michelle the sports Mommer.
And also there was one more that came through. This
was from Tina Reviews one one one one, who gave
us five stars but both five star episodes.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Sorry reviews.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Tina said, I've listened to the podcast from the beginning,
from the beginning, every episode. I mean we're talking a
couple of thousand, almost we're getting close to two thousand episodes.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
I don't think i've she's.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Listened to all your dribble in the beginning.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
I can't believe you said.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Well, she must really really like you.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Still listening, so she must really really like you. The
courses are brilliant paarenting role models. Oh that's very nice,
with sense of all science backed advice paired with vulnerability
and real life experiences in this ushions keeping the episodes short,
I try, I try, But you don't mind a chat,
do you?
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Honey?
Speaker 3 (06:07):
You can't even say that with a straight face.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Means you can listen each day without being over well,
trying to fit in lengthy discussions, hugely relaidible. And I
love the folks on reducing screen time. And I do
have to add this. There's a little addendum and it's
for our daughter Emily, and it's just worth quickly mentioning
it to Emily. Our children do not have roadblocks. They
are thirteen and ten or phones for that matter, so
you are not the only one. And yes, I wish
(06:31):
more parents would band together. Just a suggestion. My ten
year old homeschooler is not always keen to write either,
but she is keen to write to pen pals, forming
friend connections and writing practice win win.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Thanks for everything you do, Happy family. Seenment's full honesty
and heart very much appreciated. Tina.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
If you've got a daughter who might like a pen pal,
I mean, we can't promise, but Sert as you details,
we'll see if Emily will have a chat with your
daughter who knows. All right, Kylie, our news has gone
little bit longer than it should, as it always does.
What's your older better tomorrow?
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Well, on Tuesday, we had a tricky question from Alana,
and she was asking how to have those tricky conversations.
She acknowledged that her kids are a little bit younger,
so she's got a think from memory, a five year
old and a seven year old, and we acknowledged that
we were definitely not having the tricky conversations that we're
(07:21):
now having with our kids. But as we're sitting around
the dinner table these days with a marriage daughter who's
now a mum and studying to.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Be a midwife midwifree, oh my goodness, daughter.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Number two was in her first very serious relationship. Daughter
number three has just come home after eighteen months, and
then we've got a daughter who's just turned eighteen. As
coming up in the world of adulthood, the conversations around
the table might make you blush a lot lately.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Justin yes, I mean, I don't mind talking about almost anything,
but sometimes as I'm sitting there and chewing on my
cherry tomatoes and.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Lettuce and salad and whatever else.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Is there, I do kind of. I mean, I take
a breath and I just I wait because I know
it will pass. I know it will pass, but it's
a lot it is there.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
There was conversations around kissing tips one night we've had
We've had so many different conversations, and just.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
One of the kids said that she practiced kissing on
the wall. Who practices kissing the wall?
Speaker 3 (08:26):
Well, what did you practice on?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
I didn't need to practice on anything. I practiced on
my girlfriends.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Okay, I might have practiced on my pillow, and I
might have also practiced on the trip of my arm.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Okay, what did you practice on?
Speaker 3 (08:41):
I didn't practice ever, did not.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
So you just asked that to embarrass me. I was
just saying I didn't actually practice either. I just practice
on my girlfriends.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
But I was just thinking about the joy that we're
experiencing because we've gone through the challenge and the uncomfortability
of having those conversations with our children from a really
early age, there is literally no topic or limits, and
sometimes it still makes you blush justin but I'm so grateful.
(09:15):
I'm so grateful that their first point of call isn't
to go to chat GBT or to go to Google.
It's to come home and talk to mum and include
their siblings in those conversations. And I wouldn't want it
any other way, even the conversations that make me blush.
And what I find curious is that so many times
(09:35):
they'll come to me and they'll be a little bit
kind of just cautious, and then I'll open up and
they'll look at me like really, Like you're nearly fifty
and you're okay having this kind of a conversation, Like really,
It blows them away. And what it actually does is
it creates a connection that you don't get otherwise, firstly,
(09:57):
and secondly humanizes you as a per and outside of
being their.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Mum, Creating the culture is hard work. The kids resist it,
especially through their adolescent years. But when you're intentional, when
you're consistent, it really does change things for them, and
you can talk about almost anything.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
You become a safe place for them where they get
to kind of have tricky conversations where they know they're
not going to be judged, they're not going to be
laughed at, they're not going to, you know, kind of
be questioned why would you think that? Or that we
can actually sit down and have it. And for the
eleven year old and the fifteen year old watching that happen,
that just reinforces to them that mum and dad are
a place that they can go when they need help,
(10:37):
when they need to know things that are troubling them.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Okay, after the break my older bitter tomorrow, including how
my fifteen year old has informed me I cannot possibly
get it right. Welcome back to the Happy Families podcast,
Real Parenting Solutions every Day. My older Better Tomorrow A
(11:04):
bit of a tricky one one that I'd rather not
talk about, but I'm going to bring it up anyway.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Sometimes you just.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Can't get it right, even if you've written the parenting books,
even if you know what you're talking about, even if
you teach other people how to do it. Sometimes you
can't get it right because not everything works all the
time with every child in every circumstance, including for me.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
Yeah, but you're saying that it's not working because you're
expecting a specific outcome, and the reality is that, yes,
there's no textbook answer. So what you're doing is creating
a culture. That's what you're doing. You're creating a culture
and therefore creating a relationship.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Well, I just want to highlight the other day one
of the our fifteen year old was being I don't
know how Difficult's difficult? Yeah, I was going to say obnoxious,
but difficult it's more appropriate.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
If she's listening.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
I'm so sorry, LTE, and I tried to correct her.
I did it gently. There was nothing abrupt or sharp
or ave or severe about it at all.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
It was it was just a come.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
On, you know better, and we're trying to do this nicely,
and what's the deal? And she just lost it at
me and then she started crying and got very emotional
and it was just a lot. And then she rang me,
and then she rang you, crying, and then you rang me.
And I didn't know that she'd been on the phone
to you, so and I picked up the phone. I
called you all the wonderful names that I call you,
and I answered the phone. I had you on speak
(12:25):
and I said what can I do for you? And
you said, I need you to be gentle with Lily.
And you were on speakerphone and Lily was right beside
me as you were ringing for Lily's defense.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
And then, and here's the crazy thing. When Lily rang me,
she didn't ring me to tell you me that you
were a bad person. She rang me to say she
doesn't know what's wrong with her, but she couldn't stop crying.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
I know, I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
But in the meantime, she was saying something about her friends,
and I said, well, I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised
because I would want to be your friend right now. Like,
sometimes you do get it wrong, but other times it's
not actually about you. It's about your kids much take
our messages. Oh my goodness. No matter how much you
do get it right, there's no credit for getting it right.
When you get it wrong, it's all your fault.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
It's all your fault. But it's actually got nothing to
do But he's got nothing, it's actually got nothing to
do with you.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Ah. So I checked in.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
I apologize because what I said was not kind, and
I guess that also highlights sometimes it is you. Like
I had been perfect until I made that one line,
and when I said that one thing, I was like,
oh gosh, why did you say that? And my mum
used to have this saying. She used to say, there's
two things that never come back, the spent grenade and
(13:38):
the spoken word, and I think she was kind of
saying they're both the same thing, like if you throw
the wrong words out there, it's like throwing a grenade.
Once that grenade explodes, you can't take it back. And
clearly my words as well. But nevertheless, most of it
was not me. Most of it was just her, and
it didn't matter what I did. There was no right
way because people are complex and sometimes there' stuff that
they're going through. It's just the stuff they're going through,
(14:00):
and fifteen year olds are particularly complex. Fifteen year old
girls are especially particularly complex. And my take home message
for today's I'll do better tomorrow so that I do
not ramble and waffle about this is do the best
you can say sorry when you get it wrong. Most
of the time, it's not going to be you. Every
now and again it is you. And then when it
is you own it. Don't blame, don't make excuses, don't
deny it.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Just yeah, I got it.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Wrong, and then get on with making sure that you're
repairing that relationship every chance you get, because if you do,
eventually you have those kids sitting around the dining table
for birthday parties like we did the other night, talking
about things that still make you blush, but they're really
happy to keep coming home and keep having those conversations
because most of the time it was them, and when
it was you, you apologized and you made sure the
(14:43):
relationship was right.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
I love that line.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
I used it with her the other day because she
walked out in a huff, and when I went to her,
I just said, I didn't do anything horrible, mean or nasty.
This is kind of on you, kiddo, but I want
you to know that, no matter how many times you
walk out of the room, I love for you is
bigger than all the walkouts in the world.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
I love that line.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
My love for you is bigger than the thing you
just did. No matter how many times you do it,
my love for you is bigger than that. And that's
my little bit.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
It's morrow.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
It's interesting to me. I've had so many conversations with
each of the girls at different times over the last
handful of months, and I can think back on my
parenting journey with each of them and kind of cower
at some of the experiences I've had with them, the
times where I just got it so wrong. And yet
(15:29):
when I've talked to them and acknowledged that I recognize
and know that I haven't always got it right. The
overwhelming response from each of them is how grateful they
are for the times I got it right. Like they're
not actually focused on when we got it wrong because
we've attempted to repair each time we did. We've taken responsibility,
(15:50):
we've acknowledged and it makes such a difference to our
kids when they can see that we're not perfect, but
we're also willing to own when we get it wrong.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Yeah, there's something amazing about getting your intentions right and
having people see your intentions, Like we always want to
be judged on our intentions, and if you can get
the relationship right, you can be judged on your intentions
and that.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Is a real gift. Nice summary.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
We need to wrap this up. Have a great weekend everyone,
We're back on Monday. The Happy Families podcast is produced
by Justin Roulan from Bridge Media. We appreciate Mim Hammonds
for her research, admin and other support. And if you're
looking for more resources to strengthen your family, to build
your family, to make your family happier, check out the
book The Parenting Revolution.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
The Parenting Revolution by me, yours truly, Justin
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Colson wherever you buy books and at happy families dot
com dot au
Sometimes raising kids can be really tricky. What do you
do when you are so sure that you are getting
it right but you are not. What do you do
when every time you open your mouth your child looks
at you and says you're getting it wrong again, but
I'd say so nicely actually, And how do you recover
from tricky questions and tough conversations that are unexpected at
(00:28):
the dining table in front of everybody, including people who
really don't want to be part of that conversation. That's
today on our Old Do Better Tomorrow episode of The
Happy Families podcast Stay with Us. Hello, Welcome to The
Happy Family's podcast. It's real parenting solutions every single day
on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
We are Justin and Kylie Colson.
Speaker 1 (00:51):
Friday is to day where we get the most practical
and I'm excited for today's I'll do Better Tomorrow. Just
before we do a couple of things. First off, in
big news in our family, we have two daughters that
celebrated birthdays in the last week or so, same day,
three years apart.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
I planned that well.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
I can't believe you're taking the credit for that.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
That was all me that's entirely me hilarious. I have
no idea what day it is. I just know that
I love spending time with you.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
Not only did I plan it to the day, they
were eighteen minutes apart on the eighteenth.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Okay, well again, I can't really claim very much.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
There, although I was involved at the start and the end,
so there was definitely some Let's move on, the joy
of seeing your children have their birthdays is great, but
I wanted to play something that came through a voice
message from the super simple system at Happy Families dot
com dot auie. You just scroll down to where it
says podcast, press the record button and start talking. Alyssa
left us this message. You haven't heard it. Just wanted
(01:46):
to share this one with you.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Hi, Justin and Kylie. I recently listened to your podcast
wy exam results don't define your child, and the timing
couldn't have been better. Our eldest is in year twelve
and coming up to exams. She's always struggled with test conditions,
determined to give it her best and then take a
gap year. I've shared many of your podcasts with her,
and she actually listened to this one few. It really resonated,
(02:08):
we'd love your advice and how she might gain the
type of life experience you mentioned, and what guidance or
loose rules you might have given your own children during
their gap years at home. We've suggested she work to
earn money and independence, but aren't sure how to set
fair expectations like contributing to rent or food while keeping
it supportive. Would love your advice. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
I love that we've got you twelve students listening to
our podcasts. I hope they're not failing their exams as
a result of listening to our podcast But I just thought,
even though today's an older bitter tomorrow, some really quick
advice on what we tell our kids about gap years.
Because we are big believers in gap years, we say,
be productive. You're not allowed to sit on the couch,
not allowed to stare at your phone. You've got to
have a full time work or full time volunteering full.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
Time yes, so it's either your earning or you're learning,
and our girls have done really well with that. As
far as paying bored, we've just made it really simple.
It's ten percent of whatever their owning, so some weeks
that means it's four dollars seventy and other weeks it's
forty seven dollars. But it's actually not about what they're paying.
It's about getting them into the habit of being able
(03:11):
to give that money.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yeah, and finding ways that you can contribute the community,
do something that's bigger than you. We have a faith background,
so that makes that a little bit easier. Churches are
often integrated in that way, and our kids have gone
and done church mission work, which has been great, but
there are so many other things that you can do.
I'm also a really big fan of the Armed Forces
doing a twelve month gap year that's paid, Like kids
get paid eighty thousand dollars straight out of high school,
(03:33):
or they're about to go and do a twelve month
gap year with the Army, and I just think it's
with the Navy or with the Air Force, and I
think it's absolutely fantastic, and I think.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
It's really good if you just have some you know,
kind of general expectations around what they contribute in the home.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Yeah, that's totally yeah.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Yeah, so that you're both on the same page, because
it's one thing is as a parent, you're thinking that
they're going to do X Y, and Z and they're
completely not on the same page, and it just causes
there's lots of tension. But if you both are in
agreement that X, Y and Z needs to be done
each week, and you're happy to kind of work in
with timeframes and things like that, then things are going
to be a lot better for both of you because
(04:12):
you've got this child who's not really a child anymore,
but still a child.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Yeah, especially, I mean, I reckon eighteen year olds today
are the equivalent of fifteen or sixteen year olds when
I was growing up. And I'm not saying that in
a disparaging way. That's what the world has created. The
world has stunted our kids development because of the way
we coddled them all the way through, and these gap
years are important for their development.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
Well, Elsa, I hope that's been helpful. Good luck with
the exams. We're in the same boat as you. So
I'm just holding my breath for another few weeks and
we're done.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Cannot wait. I can not wait, Kylie.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
We try not to make too much noise about this,
but I've been really slack end of August, going back
a couple of months, but end of August We got
a couple of reviews that came through.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
On Apple Podcasts, and I just wanted to share them
with you real quick.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Number one, this one comes from sports MoMA, who said,
thank you for reminding me that no is okay. As
a mum of a fourteen year old without a mobile
phone and an eleven year old not on roadblocks, I'm
reminded at times that I'm the world's worst mum. But
listening to your podcast over the years, and having had
the joy of meeting you in person, has given me
the strength to remember why I say no. Some days,
the battles are hard and I don't feel like the
(05:19):
ally my kids want, but I will always stand strong
as the mum they need. From Michelle the sports Mommer.
And also there was one more that came through. This
was from Tina Reviews one one one one, who gave
us five stars but both five star episodes.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Sorry reviews.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Tina said, I've listened to the podcast from the beginning,
from the beginning, every episode. I mean we're talking a
couple of thousand, almost we're getting close to two thousand episodes.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
I don't think i've she's.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Listened to all your dribble in the beginning.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
I can't believe you said.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Well, she must really really like you.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Still listening, so she must really really like you. The
courses are brilliant paarenting role models. Oh that's very nice,
with sense of all science backed advice paired with vulnerability
and real life experiences in this ushions keeping the episodes short,
I try, I try, But you don't mind a chat,
do you?
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Honey?
Speaker 3 (06:07):
You can't even say that with a straight face.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
Means you can listen each day without being over well,
trying to fit in lengthy discussions, hugely relaidible. And I
love the folks on reducing screen time. And I do
have to add this. There's a little addendum and it's
for our daughter Emily, and it's just worth quickly mentioning
it to Emily. Our children do not have roadblocks. They
are thirteen and ten or phones for that matter, so
you are not the only one. And yes, I wish
(06:31):
more parents would band together. Just a suggestion. My ten
year old homeschooler is not always keen to write either,
but she is keen to write to pen pals, forming
friend connections and writing practice win win.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Thanks for everything you do, Happy family. Seenment's full honesty
and heart very much appreciated. Tina.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
If you've got a daughter who might like a pen pal,
I mean, we can't promise, but Sert as you details,
we'll see if Emily will have a chat with your
daughter who knows. All right, Kylie, our news has gone
little bit longer than it should, as it always does.
What's your older better tomorrow?
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Well, on Tuesday, we had a tricky question from Alana,
and she was asking how to have those tricky conversations.
She acknowledged that her kids are a little bit younger,
so she's got a think from memory, a five year
old and a seven year old, and we acknowledged that
we were definitely not having the tricky conversations that we're
(07:21):
now having with our kids. But as we're sitting around
the dinner table these days with a marriage daughter who's
now a mum and studying to.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Be a midwife midwifree, oh my goodness, daughter.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Number two was in her first very serious relationship. Daughter
number three has just come home after eighteen months, and
then we've got a daughter who's just turned eighteen. As
coming up in the world of adulthood, the conversations around
the table might make you blush a lot lately.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Justin yes, I mean, I don't mind talking about almost anything,
but sometimes as I'm sitting there and chewing on my
cherry tomatoes and.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Lettuce and salad and whatever else.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Is there, I do kind of. I mean, I take
a breath and I just I wait because I know
it will pass. I know it will pass, but it's
a lot it is there.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
There was conversations around kissing tips one night we've had
We've had so many different conversations, and just.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
One of the kids said that she practiced kissing on
the wall. Who practices kissing the wall?
Speaker 3 (08:26):
Well, what did you practice on?
Speaker 2 (08:29):
I didn't need to practice on anything. I practiced on
my girlfriends.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Okay, I might have practiced on my pillow, and I
might have also practiced on the trip of my arm.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Okay, what did you practice on?
Speaker 3 (08:41):
I didn't practice ever, did not.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
So you just asked that to embarrass me. I was
just saying I didn't actually practice either. I just practice
on my girlfriends.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
But I was just thinking about the joy that we're
experiencing because we've gone through the challenge and the uncomfortability
of having those conversations with our children from a really
early age, there is literally no topic or limits, and
sometimes it still makes you blush justin but I'm so grateful.
(09:15):
I'm so grateful that their first point of call isn't
to go to chat GBT or to go to Google.
It's to come home and talk to mum and include
their siblings in those conversations. And I wouldn't want it
any other way, even the conversations that make me blush.
And what I find curious is that so many times
(09:35):
they'll come to me and they'll be a little bit
kind of just cautious, and then I'll open up and
they'll look at me like really, Like you're nearly fifty
and you're okay having this kind of a conversation, Like really,
It blows them away. And what it actually does is
it creates a connection that you don't get otherwise, firstly,
(09:57):
and secondly humanizes you as a per and outside of
being their.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Mum, Creating the culture is hard work. The kids resist it,
especially through their adolescent years. But when you're intentional, when
you're consistent, it really does change things for them, and
you can talk about almost anything.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
You become a safe place for them where they get
to kind of have tricky conversations where they know they're
not going to be judged, they're not going to be
laughed at, they're not going to, you know, kind of
be questioned why would you think that? Or that we
can actually sit down and have it. And for the
eleven year old and the fifteen year old watching that happen,
that just reinforces to them that mum and dad are
a place that they can go when they need help,
(10:37):
when they need to know things that are troubling them.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Okay, after the break my older bitter tomorrow, including how
my fifteen year old has informed me I cannot possibly
get it right. Welcome back to the Happy Families podcast,
Real Parenting Solutions every Day. My older Better Tomorrow A
(11:04):
bit of a tricky one one that I'd rather not
talk about, but I'm going to bring it up anyway.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Sometimes you just.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Can't get it right, even if you've written the parenting books,
even if you know what you're talking about, even if
you teach other people how to do it. Sometimes you
can't get it right because not everything works all the
time with every child in every circumstance, including for me.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
Yeah, but you're saying that it's not working because you're
expecting a specific outcome, and the reality is that, yes,
there's no textbook answer. So what you're doing is creating
a culture. That's what you're doing. You're creating a culture
and therefore creating a relationship.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Well, I just want to highlight the other day one
of the our fifteen year old was being I don't
know how Difficult's difficult? Yeah, I was going to say obnoxious,
but difficult it's more appropriate.
Speaker 2 (11:52):
If she's listening.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
I'm so sorry, LTE, and I tried to correct her.
I did it gently. There was nothing abrupt or sharp
or ave or severe about it at all.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
It was it was just a come.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
On, you know better, and we're trying to do this nicely,
and what's the deal? And she just lost it at
me and then she started crying and got very emotional
and it was just a lot. And then she rang me,
and then she rang you, crying, and then you rang me.
And I didn't know that she'd been on the phone
to you, so and I picked up the phone. I
called you all the wonderful names that I call you,
and I answered the phone. I had you on speak
(12:25):
and I said what can I do for you? And
you said, I need you to be gentle with Lily.
And you were on speakerphone and Lily was right beside
me as you were ringing for Lily's defense.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
And then, and here's the crazy thing. When Lily rang me,
she didn't ring me to tell you me that you
were a bad person. She rang me to say she
doesn't know what's wrong with her, but she couldn't stop crying.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
I know, I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
But in the meantime, she was saying something about her friends,
and I said, well, I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised
because I would want to be your friend right now. Like,
sometimes you do get it wrong, but other times it's
not actually about you. It's about your kids much take
our messages. Oh my goodness. No matter how much you
do get it right, there's no credit for getting it right.
When you get it wrong, it's all your fault.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
It's all your fault. But it's actually got nothing to
do But he's got nothing, it's actually got nothing to
do with you.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
Ah. So I checked in.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
I apologize because what I said was not kind, and
I guess that also highlights sometimes it is you. Like
I had been perfect until I made that one line,
and when I said that one thing, I was like,
oh gosh, why did you say that? And my mum
used to have this saying. She used to say, there's
two things that never come back, the spent grenade and
(13:38):
the spoken word, and I think she was kind of
saying they're both the same thing, like if you throw
the wrong words out there, it's like throwing a grenade.
Once that grenade explodes, you can't take it back. And
clearly my words as well. But nevertheless, most of it
was not me. Most of it was just her, and
it didn't matter what I did. There was no right
way because people are complex and sometimes there' stuff that
they're going through. It's just the stuff they're going through,
(14:00):
and fifteen year olds are particularly complex. Fifteen year old
girls are especially particularly complex. And my take home message
for today's I'll do better tomorrow so that I do
not ramble and waffle about this is do the best
you can say sorry when you get it wrong. Most
of the time, it's not going to be you. Every
now and again it is you. And then when it
is you own it. Don't blame, don't make excuses, don't
deny it.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Just yeah, I got it.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Wrong, and then get on with making sure that you're
repairing that relationship every chance you get, because if you do,
eventually you have those kids sitting around the dining table
for birthday parties like we did the other night, talking
about things that still make you blush, but they're really
happy to keep coming home and keep having those conversations
because most of the time it was them, and when
it was you, you apologized and you made sure the
(14:43):
relationship was right.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
I love that line.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
I used it with her the other day because she
walked out in a huff, and when I went to her,
I just said, I didn't do anything horrible, mean or nasty.
This is kind of on you, kiddo, but I want
you to know that, no matter how many times you
walk out of the room, I love for you is
bigger than all the walkouts in the world.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
I love that line.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
My love for you is bigger than the thing you
just did. No matter how many times you do it,
my love for you is bigger than that. And that's
my little bit.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
It's morrow.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
It's interesting to me. I've had so many conversations with
each of the girls at different times over the last
handful of months, and I can think back on my
parenting journey with each of them and kind of cower
at some of the experiences I've had with them, the
times where I just got it so wrong. And yet
(15:29):
when I've talked to them and acknowledged that I recognize
and know that I haven't always got it right. The
overwhelming response from each of them is how grateful they
are for the times I got it right. Like they're
not actually focused on when we got it wrong because
we've attempted to repair each time we did. We've taken responsibility,
(15:50):
we've acknowledged and it makes such a difference to our
kids when they can see that we're not perfect, but
we're also willing to own when we get it wrong.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
Yeah, there's something amazing about getting your intentions right and
having people see your intentions, Like we always want to
be judged on our intentions, and if you can get
the relationship right, you can be judged on your intentions
and that.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Is a real gift. Nice summary.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
We need to wrap this up. Have a great weekend everyone,
We're back on Monday. The Happy Families podcast is produced
by Justin Roulan from Bridge Media. We appreciate Mim Hammonds
for her research, admin and other support. And if you're
looking for more resources to strengthen your family, to build
your family, to make your family happier, check out the
book The Parenting Revolution.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
The Parenting Revolution by me, yours truly, Justin
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Colson wherever you buy books and at happy families dot
com dot au
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