August 6, 2025 • 14 mins
Feeling like your child is glued to their screen - and spiralling? You're not imagining it. A brand-new meta-analysis of nearly 300,000 kids reveals something alarming: screen time isn't just a symptom of emotional struggles… it’s making them worse. In this Doctor’s Desk deep dive, Dr Justin Coulson breaks down the research and shares three critical parenting strategies that can break the cycle.
KEY POINTS
- A meta-analysis of 117 studies (292,739 kids!) shows screen use leads to increased emotional and behavioural problems—and kids who are already struggling are more likely to turn to screens.
- Gaming has the most harmful effects, especially when time limits are exceeded.
- There’s a reciprocal relationship between screen use and emotional struggles—each one fuels the other.
- The screen trap is real—even highly self-aware adults get caught.
- The key isn’t blame or punishment—it’s collaboration, connection, and compassion.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
"We need to question the gaming industry’s design, not our children’s character."
RESOURCES MENTIONED
- Meta-analysis published in Psychological Bulletin (2025)
- Yesterday’s episode with Dr Brad Marshall on gaming disorder and smartphone overuse
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
- Question the system, not the child: Open conversations with kids about how games and social media are engineered to capture attention and exploit vulnerabilities.
- Collaborate on screen use limits: Use the 3 E’s: Explore, Explain, Empower. Involve kids in setting family screen guidelines focused on what they gain, not what they lose.
- Replace screens with real connection: Prioritise family time, hobbies, nature, and friendships. The more involved you are, the less likely screens will dominate.
- Get curious about unmet needs: Ask: What is my child seeking from this screen? How can I help them meet that need in real life?
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
For some time on the Happy Families podcast, we have
been sounding the alarm, making some noise indicating that screens
are bad for your child's socio emotional health. The critics
are still out there arguing that we don't have enough
evidence and that people like me should not be saying
the things that I'm saying, But the evidence is coming in.
Every Thursday on the podcast, we do our best to
(00:29):
dive into recent research that helps us as parents to
understand the world that our children are navigating and moves
us closer to better parenting, especially when it comes to
screen time challenges. Today we look at a brand new
meta analysis involving nearly three hundred thousand children investigating the
(00:50):
relationship between how much your kids are on a screen
and their social and emotional challenges. You don't want to
miss these findings, stay with us. Hello, Welcome to the
Happy Families Podcast, Real parenting solutions every day on Australia's
most downloaded parenting podcast. If you knew here, thanks so
much for joining in. Every Thursday, it's the Doctor's Desk
(01:13):
where we have a look at recent research and what
it tells us about how to be better parents. Kylie,
are you sick of me banging the screen time drum.
Yet well, yes and no.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Yes, because we talk about it. It feels like nearly
every day. But no, because I feel like there's so
much validation coming through the research that's landing on your desk.
You've been saying this for a really long time, and
the research is now finally caught up.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
So I'm following up yesterday's conversation with doctor Brad Marshall.
If you missed it, the Unplugged psychologist walked through a
brand new study that he's done in an interview with
me about internet gaming disorder and smartphone overuse and the
impact that it has in all of the key domains
of a child's well being. It was a compelling explained
the research so well, and in some ways I feel
(02:02):
like I'm being a little bit cheeky by sneaking in
another study about screens. But when this one came across
my desk, I wanted to have it back to back
with Brad's conversation with me yesterday because it's just so important.
So can I geek out a little bit? Why don't
you ask me? Doan, do you have any questions? Or
should I just explain the study.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
First up, I'm really curious what the study showed.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
All right, I'm very excited for this one. So here's
here's what we've got. There's been a number of studies
done over the last handful of years that longitudinal studies
looking at whether or not over time screen use increases
children's socio emotional problems, or whether or not socio emotional
(02:41):
problems lead children to use screens more often. So it's
a question of causality. We can't we can't ethically do
the study here in terms of randomized controlled studies. So therefore,
longer tudinal studies and meta analysis are the very best
that we've got with me so far. Okay, total, one
hundred and thirty two studies met the incl usion criteria
for this systematic review. From those one hundred and thirty two,
(03:04):
they had to throw a couple out, they didn't quite
tick every box, ended up with one hundred and seventeen studies.
That's a big This is a big meta analysis with
two hundred and ninety two thousand, seven hundred and thirty
nine children.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Okay, And essentially what they're looking at is how do
we answer this question, which direction is it going. Is
it that kids that are having problems are spending more
time on their screens, or is it kids that spend
more time on their screens are having more problems.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
So we have a case study of six in our home.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Oh yeah, yeah, add you and me and it's eight.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
And I would say it goes both ways. I watch
our children. When they are happy, healthy, strong, and have
great connective relationships, they're on their phones less. But when
they don't have that, they're on their phones more. And
because they're on their phones more, they slide further and
(03:58):
further down the big black rabbit hole.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yeah, and it's devastating watching it.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Yeah, I'm doing circles with my finger. I'm trying to
think of the word. It's like this reciprocal relationship where
one thing causes the other one.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
It's twenty two, Like it's just you just keep going
round in this cycle.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
So here's what they found. Screens. Screen use leads to
increased behavioral and emotional difficulties, while children with existing problems
are more likely to turn to screens as a coping mechanism,
creating an endless, unhealthy, maladaptive cycle. And I want to
highlight this particular finding because this really grabbed me. The
(04:36):
effects were strongest for gaming, and they were also strongest
when kids exceeded recommended screen usage times. So give missus
Happy Families a PhD. I'll have to make you the
queen of the doctor's desk. That's exactly what they found.
It goes both ways. I'm just thinking of a few
weeks ago. I had a particularly bad day. I was
a little bit set off. I was not using any
(04:59):
of the emotional regulation strategies that I teach other people
to use. I was really really struggling. And because I
was not doing well from a socio emotional perspective, I
literally said to you, I'm not doing well. I was
kind and polite about it, but I said, I'm not
doing well and I need some time out. And I
went and I silated myself in our bedroom and I
sat on my phone and I played games, which is
(05:21):
not what I do. Like, I'm not that guy.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
And because you did that, your ability to regulate spiraled
further and further down.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah. When I came out of the room, I was
cranking and I'm like, right, family, we're going to have
a conversation. I'm mad the gaming didn't make me better,
and it didn't go very well. And no, it didn't.
Mind you. The kids have probably been on their phones
as well, but screens are just not associated with good outcomes.
You know. The great irony here is that I went
for a walk down at the beach earlier in the
day for about an hour, and I came back and
(05:50):
I felt really good, but not quite good enough. And
that's when I turned on the screen. I mean, I
played more games that day than I probably had in
the previous three months.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
So here's the challenging thing. You're a highly functioning adult
who understands, recognizes, and knows the trap, and yet when
we are not at our optimal even you get caught
in it. Right, So you look at our kids who
have not had the life experience, do not understand or
recognize how enlightened the research is around this find themselves
(06:26):
spiraling down. But this is the hardest part of it.
How do you get out of that?
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Like?
Speaker 2 (06:32):
How did these kids get out of it? Because once
you're in it, it just reminds me of that scene
from Percy Jackson when they're in the casino.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
That's right, they go to the Lotus Hotel and casino.
They're trying to save the world. They get caught up
in the lobby where they've got all the games everywhere,
and it takes a long time. And then Percy is like,
hang on, this place is a trap. They lock you in,
they keep you here forever. That's exactly what they do.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
And the challenge is our kids don't recognize the trap.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
No no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
They get stuck in it and they just keep being
sucked in.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Immerse themselves in. After the break, we're going to talk
about what we can do based on this study that
was only published a couple months ago, twenty twenty five
study in Psychological Ballton about electronic screen use in children's
socio emotional problems. Solutions. Next, Okay, Kylie. Three things that
(07:27):
I want to emphasize in terms of solutions here, critical
things that parents can do when children are struggling socially
and emotionally and they're turning to screens, or when their
usage has led to struggles socially and emotionally. The first
one is actually not about our parenting, but it's about
a conversation with our kids. And it might sound a
(07:48):
little bit like I'm deflecting, but it picks up on
exactly what you said just a moment ago. I think
that we, as a family with our children, need to
question the gaming industries design, not our children's character. It's
really easy to blame the kids and say you're doing
the wrong thing, you're making poor choices, you're being slack.
And it's true that there's a bit of that going on,
(08:09):
but I've been captured by it myself from time to time.
The gaming industry and the social media platforms, they have
never in history done anything in the best interests of
our children, and they're not doing anything in the best
interests of our children right now.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
How to give them fun, honey.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
The research clearly shows that gaming has uniquely harmful effects
compared to other screen activities.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Just to be clear, I was joking.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Yeah, I know, I know. But rather than blaming kids
for being addicted, I think we need to recognize that
the games are deliberately engineered to be compelling, and they're
just so hard to resist, and the gaming companies profit
from keeping kids engaged. They exploit our children, so they
exploit my psychological vulnerabilities. So we don't want to step
in with shame based restrictions. It's so important. We don't
(08:57):
step in and threaten to take phones off our kids
or anything like that if they're on the phones too much.
We've got to come up with better ways forward. Want
to have honest conversations with the children about how the
systems work and help kids to develop critical thinking about
the forces that are effectively capturing their attention. So how
do we do that? Number One, we need to collaborate
(09:17):
on guidelines rather than imposing limits. The more that we
impose limits force creates resistance. It just doesn't work. Research
is really clear there are benefits to staying within screen
time guidelines and recommendations. But if you turn this into
a power struggle about compliance, you are going to have
World War III in your kitchen. There's going to be
slam doors. Kids are going to get sneaky. They're going
to borrow their friends devices. Old devices still connect to
the Wi Fi. You need to learn what devices are
(09:39):
hooked up to your router. If you're taking device off kids,
because they will find ways around it. It just doesn't work.
We needed to do the three e'es. Explore, explain in power,
help them to understand why the limits going to be helpful,
involve them in creating family screen time agreements, focus on
what they're gaining by being off the screen, so better
quality sleep time with friends, more physical activity, more family time,
(10:02):
improved mood, rather than focusing on what they're losing. Kids
are just more likely to internalize healthy habits when we
go through processes like the three ease and they feel
heard and involved in the process and develop solutions themselves.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
I know you touched on it, but I actually really
want to emphasize the more involved we are in our kids' lives,
the more time we spend with them in recreational pursuits
and hobbies, the less likely they're going to be caught
up in.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
This yeah massive track, and more socially and emotionally healthy
they will be. Of course, it's really hard when you're
both working full time and the weather's bad and you've
got limited time and limited space, and there's all the
other things that are going on in your life as well.
But the more you can say, hey, kids, let's go
for a bike ride, let's go for a walk, and
encourage them to do it in whatever way is necessary,
because sometimes kids looking nonfun, I don't want to go anywhere,
(10:52):
but getting them out and doing things with them, or
sitting down and playing some games at the table. I
hate games. I just don't like them at all, but
I will play them, not often, but often enough because
I know that it's incompatible with scrolling. Right, if you're
playing a game at the table, there's no phones because
you're playing a game, you're having family time. Get them
involved with friends, that kind of stuff. And my last
(11:15):
idea coming out of the back of this doctor's desk
research is fundamentally we need to address the underlying needs,
not just the screen behavior. So basically, when children with
emotional difficulties are turning to screens for comfort, we have
to ask ourselves what why? Yet, what needs being met
(11:38):
on the screen that aren't being met in real life?
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Well, I don't think any needs being met. The only
need that's being met is they actually don't get to
think about they get to have OO. So it's a
strategfication from their thoughts. But the reality is it's a
false sense of security because you're always thinking about it.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
It's hollow and it's shallow. But I will push back
a little bit on that because the other week when
I was having that really horrible day, basically I was
having some conflict with one of the kids, and it
was blowing up. It was really ugly, and I was
feeling completely incompetent, and I turned on the game and
I got on a roll. I started to absolutely blitz,
and I just I was undefeatable, indefeatable, I could not
(12:18):
be beaten.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Yeah, And I felt this false sense because as soon
as you weren't playing that game.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
I felt incompetent again.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Back out the door, and you felt incompetent, right.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
But I felt like I was competent, and I felt
like I was choosing, and it gave me the false
illusion of need satisfaction.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
So I guess gaming and social media are very different, right,
because you can have this connection competence there. But I
think too often what happens when our kids are struggling
is they get on social media and they actually reinforce
all the messages that they've got inside their head. I'm
not good, I'm not worthy, yes, all that, because they're
watching everybody else live these amazing lives and they don't
feel like they're part of it.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Yeah, yep. So we need to understand those underlying needs
and address those more than addressing the screen behavior. Yeah.
The risks are real, and just like there were people
who said, oh, no, smoking is not bad for you,
even though the research was coming out by bit trickling through,
the risks are real and we're seeing more and more
research arrive that tells us that screens are than new smoking.
(13:20):
They're a really, really big challenge and we need to
address it. Our goal is to help our children to
develop a diverse toolkit for managing life's difficulties. The screen,
frankly should not be in the toolkit. I just don't
think that it's an effective tool for addressing any of
the challenges that life throws at us adaptively. And this
brand new research published in Psychological Bulletin is some more
(13:45):
evidence of that. We will link to the study in
the show notes. It's actually really compelling. The whole study
is available for anybody to read. You don't have to
subscribe or pay or download anything. It's all there. You
can get access to it. If you think that this
podcast will make your family happier or could help somebody
who's going through some screen time challenges, we'd love for
you to share this episode, share the podcast, share yesterday's
(14:07):
conversation with doctor Brad Marshall, just click those share buttons,
takes about ten or fifteen seconds. Pass it along and
make somebody's family happier. The Happy Family's podcast is produced
by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. Mim Hammonds provides admin,
research and other support, and more information and more resources
are available at happyfamilies dot com, dot a u
For some time on the Happy Families podcast, we have
been sounding the alarm, making some noise indicating that screens
are bad for your child's socio emotional health. The critics
are still out there arguing that we don't have enough
evidence and that people like me should not be saying
the things that I'm saying, But the evidence is coming in.
Every Thursday on the podcast, we do our best to
(00:29):
dive into recent research that helps us as parents to
understand the world that our children are navigating and moves
us closer to better parenting, especially when it comes to
screen time challenges. Today we look at a brand new
meta analysis involving nearly three hundred thousand children investigating the
(00:50):
relationship between how much your kids are on a screen
and their social and emotional challenges. You don't want to
miss these findings, stay with us. Hello, Welcome to the
Happy Families Podcast, Real parenting solutions every day on Australia's
most downloaded parenting podcast. If you knew here, thanks so
much for joining in. Every Thursday, it's the Doctor's Desk
(01:13):
where we have a look at recent research and what
it tells us about how to be better parents. Kylie,
are you sick of me banging the screen time drum.
Yet well, yes and no.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Yes, because we talk about it. It feels like nearly
every day. But no, because I feel like there's so
much validation coming through the research that's landing on your desk.
You've been saying this for a really long time, and
the research is now finally caught up.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
So I'm following up yesterday's conversation with doctor Brad Marshall.
If you missed it, the Unplugged psychologist walked through a
brand new study that he's done in an interview with
me about internet gaming disorder and smartphone overuse and the
impact that it has in all of the key domains
of a child's well being. It was a compelling explained
the research so well, and in some ways I feel
(02:02):
like I'm being a little bit cheeky by sneaking in
another study about screens. But when this one came across
my desk, I wanted to have it back to back
with Brad's conversation with me yesterday because it's just so important.
So can I geek out a little bit? Why don't
you ask me? Doan, do you have any questions? Or
should I just explain the study.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
First up, I'm really curious what the study showed.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
All right, I'm very excited for this one. So here's
here's what we've got. There's been a number of studies
done over the last handful of years that longitudinal studies
looking at whether or not over time screen use increases
children's socio emotional problems, or whether or not socio emotional
(02:41):
problems lead children to use screens more often. So it's
a question of causality. We can't we can't ethically do
the study here in terms of randomized controlled studies. So therefore,
longer tudinal studies and meta analysis are the very best
that we've got with me so far. Okay, total, one
hundred and thirty two studies met the incl usion criteria
for this systematic review. From those one hundred and thirty two,
(03:04):
they had to throw a couple out, they didn't quite
tick every box, ended up with one hundred and seventeen studies.
That's a big This is a big meta analysis with
two hundred and ninety two thousand, seven hundred and thirty
nine children.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Okay, And essentially what they're looking at is how do
we answer this question, which direction is it going. Is
it that kids that are having problems are spending more
time on their screens, or is it kids that spend
more time on their screens are having more problems.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
So we have a case study of six in our home.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Oh yeah, yeah, add you and me and it's eight.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
And I would say it goes both ways. I watch
our children. When they are happy, healthy, strong, and have
great connective relationships, they're on their phones less. But when
they don't have that, they're on their phones more. And
because they're on their phones more, they slide further and
(03:58):
further down the big black rabbit hole.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Yeah, and it's devastating watching it.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Yeah, I'm doing circles with my finger. I'm trying to
think of the word. It's like this reciprocal relationship where
one thing causes the other one.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
It's twenty two, Like it's just you just keep going
round in this cycle.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
So here's what they found. Screens. Screen use leads to
increased behavioral and emotional difficulties, while children with existing problems
are more likely to turn to screens as a coping mechanism,
creating an endless, unhealthy, maladaptive cycle. And I want to
highlight this particular finding because this really grabbed me. The
(04:36):
effects were strongest for gaming, and they were also strongest
when kids exceeded recommended screen usage times. So give missus
Happy Families a PhD. I'll have to make you the
queen of the doctor's desk. That's exactly what they found.
It goes both ways. I'm just thinking of a few
weeks ago. I had a particularly bad day. I was
a little bit set off. I was not using any
(04:59):
of the emotional regulation strategies that I teach other people
to use. I was really really struggling. And because I
was not doing well from a socio emotional perspective, I
literally said to you, I'm not doing well. I was
kind and polite about it, but I said, I'm not
doing well and I need some time out. And I
went and I silated myself in our bedroom and I
sat on my phone and I played games, which is
(05:21):
not what I do. Like, I'm not that guy.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
And because you did that, your ability to regulate spiraled
further and further down.
Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah. When I came out of the room, I was
cranking and I'm like, right, family, we're going to have
a conversation. I'm mad the gaming didn't make me better,
and it didn't go very well. And no, it didn't.
Mind you. The kids have probably been on their phones
as well, but screens are just not associated with good outcomes.
You know. The great irony here is that I went
for a walk down at the beach earlier in the
day for about an hour, and I came back and
(05:50):
I felt really good, but not quite good enough. And
that's when I turned on the screen. I mean, I
played more games that day than I probably had in
the previous three months.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
So here's the challenging thing. You're a highly functioning adult
who understands, recognizes, and knows the trap, and yet when
we are not at our optimal even you get caught
in it. Right, So you look at our kids who
have not had the life experience, do not understand or
recognize how enlightened the research is around this find themselves
(06:26):
spiraling down. But this is the hardest part of it.
How do you get out of that?
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Like?
Speaker 2 (06:32):
How did these kids get out of it? Because once
you're in it, it just reminds me of that scene
from Percy Jackson when they're in the casino.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
That's right, they go to the Lotus Hotel and casino.
They're trying to save the world. They get caught up
in the lobby where they've got all the games everywhere,
and it takes a long time. And then Percy is like,
hang on, this place is a trap. They lock you in,
they keep you here forever. That's exactly what they do.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
And the challenge is our kids don't recognize the trap.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
No no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
They get stuck in it and they just keep being
sucked in.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Immerse themselves in. After the break, we're going to talk
about what we can do based on this study that
was only published a couple months ago, twenty twenty five
study in Psychological Ballton about electronic screen use in children's
socio emotional problems. Solutions. Next, Okay, Kylie. Three things that
(07:27):
I want to emphasize in terms of solutions here, critical
things that parents can do when children are struggling socially
and emotionally and they're turning to screens, or when their
usage has led to struggles socially and emotionally. The first
one is actually not about our parenting, but it's about
a conversation with our kids. And it might sound a
(07:48):
little bit like I'm deflecting, but it picks up on
exactly what you said just a moment ago. I think
that we, as a family with our children, need to
question the gaming industries design, not our children's character. It's
really easy to blame the kids and say you're doing
the wrong thing, you're making poor choices, you're being slack.
And it's true that there's a bit of that going on,
(08:09):
but I've been captured by it myself from time to time.
The gaming industry and the social media platforms, they have
never in history done anything in the best interests of
our children, and they're not doing anything in the best
interests of our children right now.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
How to give them fun, honey.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
The research clearly shows that gaming has uniquely harmful effects
compared to other screen activities.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Just to be clear, I was joking.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Yeah, I know, I know. But rather than blaming kids
for being addicted, I think we need to recognize that
the games are deliberately engineered to be compelling, and they're
just so hard to resist, and the gaming companies profit
from keeping kids engaged. They exploit our children, so they
exploit my psychological vulnerabilities. So we don't want to step
in with shame based restrictions. It's so important. We don't
(08:57):
step in and threaten to take phones off our kids
or anything like that if they're on the phones too much.
We've got to come up with better ways forward. Want
to have honest conversations with the children about how the
systems work and help kids to develop critical thinking about
the forces that are effectively capturing their attention. So how
do we do that? Number One, we need to collaborate
(09:17):
on guidelines rather than imposing limits. The more that we
impose limits force creates resistance. It just doesn't work. Research
is really clear there are benefits to staying within screen
time guidelines and recommendations. But if you turn this into
a power struggle about compliance, you are going to have
World War III in your kitchen. There's going to be
slam doors. Kids are going to get sneaky. They're going
to borrow their friends devices. Old devices still connect to
the Wi Fi. You need to learn what devices are
(09:39):
hooked up to your router. If you're taking device off kids,
because they will find ways around it. It just doesn't work.
We needed to do the three e'es. Explore, explain in power,
help them to understand why the limits going to be helpful,
involve them in creating family screen time agreements, focus on
what they're gaining by being off the screen, so better
quality sleep time with friends, more physical activity, more family time,
(10:02):
improved mood, rather than focusing on what they're losing. Kids
are just more likely to internalize healthy habits when we
go through processes like the three ease and they feel
heard and involved in the process and develop solutions themselves.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
I know you touched on it, but I actually really
want to emphasize the more involved we are in our kids' lives,
the more time we spend with them in recreational pursuits
and hobbies, the less likely they're going to be caught
up in.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
This yeah massive track, and more socially and emotionally healthy
they will be. Of course, it's really hard when you're
both working full time and the weather's bad and you've
got limited time and limited space, and there's all the
other things that are going on in your life as well.
But the more you can say, hey, kids, let's go
for a bike ride, let's go for a walk, and
encourage them to do it in whatever way is necessary,
because sometimes kids looking nonfun, I don't want to go anywhere,
(10:52):
but getting them out and doing things with them, or
sitting down and playing some games at the table. I
hate games. I just don't like them at all, but
I will play them, not often, but often enough because
I know that it's incompatible with scrolling. Right, if you're
playing a game at the table, there's no phones because
you're playing a game, you're having family time. Get them
involved with friends, that kind of stuff. And my last
(11:15):
idea coming out of the back of this doctor's desk
research is fundamentally we need to address the underlying needs,
not just the screen behavior. So basically, when children with
emotional difficulties are turning to screens for comfort, we have
to ask ourselves what why? Yet, what needs being met
(11:38):
on the screen that aren't being met in real life?
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Well, I don't think any needs being met. The only
need that's being met is they actually don't get to
think about they get to have OO. So it's a
strategfication from their thoughts. But the reality is it's a
false sense of security because you're always thinking about it.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
It's hollow and it's shallow. But I will push back
a little bit on that because the other week when
I was having that really horrible day, basically I was
having some conflict with one of the kids, and it
was blowing up. It was really ugly, and I was
feeling completely incompetent, and I turned on the game and
I got on a roll. I started to absolutely blitz,
and I just I was undefeatable, indefeatable, I could not
(12:18):
be beaten.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
Yeah, And I felt this false sense because as soon
as you weren't playing that game.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
I felt incompetent again.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
Back out the door, and you felt incompetent, right.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
But I felt like I was competent, and I felt
like I was choosing, and it gave me the false
illusion of need satisfaction.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
So I guess gaming and social media are very different, right,
because you can have this connection competence there. But I
think too often what happens when our kids are struggling
is they get on social media and they actually reinforce
all the messages that they've got inside their head. I'm
not good, I'm not worthy, yes, all that, because they're
watching everybody else live these amazing lives and they don't
feel like they're part of it.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
Yeah, yep. So we need to understand those underlying needs
and address those more than addressing the screen behavior. Yeah.
The risks are real, and just like there were people
who said, oh, no, smoking is not bad for you,
even though the research was coming out by bit trickling through,
the risks are real and we're seeing more and more
research arrive that tells us that screens are than new smoking.
(13:20):
They're a really, really big challenge and we need to
address it. Our goal is to help our children to
develop a diverse toolkit for managing life's difficulties. The screen,
frankly should not be in the toolkit. I just don't
think that it's an effective tool for addressing any of
the challenges that life throws at us adaptively. And this
brand new research published in Psychological Bulletin is some more
(13:45):
evidence of that. We will link to the study in
the show notes. It's actually really compelling. The whole study
is available for anybody to read. You don't have to
subscribe or pay or download anything. It's all there. You
can get access to it. If you think that this
podcast will make your family happier or could help somebody
who's going through some screen time challenges, we'd love for
you to share this episode, share the podcast, share yesterday's
(14:07):
conversation with doctor Brad Marshall, just click those share buttons,
takes about ten or fifteen seconds. Pass it along and
make somebody's family happier. The Happy Family's podcast is produced
by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. Mim Hammonds provides admin,
research and other support, and more information and more resources
are available at happyfamilies dot com, dot a u
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