September 29, 2025 • 14 mins
Your teen is bright, capable—and completely content to coast. Your partner’s in the kitchen… but lost behind EarPods. In this candid Q&A, Dr Justin Coulson shares calm, practical steps to spark a teen’s inner drive without pressure, and to bring a distracted spouse back into the family circle. Expect practical scripts, mindset shifts, and gentle strategies that keep relationships strong without force or guilt.
KEY POINTS
-
Force Creates Resistance: Pushing teens to “aim higher” backfires.
-
Upside/Downside Chat: Explore pros and cons of choices together to inspire self-motivation.
-
Model What Matters: Your habits and purpose speak louder than lectures.
-
Chores Are Connection: Kitchen time is about relationship, not just clean counters.
-
Collaborative Talk: Choose a neutral moment, use “I” statements, focus on positives.
-
Set Clear Boundaries: Compromise on EarPod use or agree to device-free family tasks.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“The task is the vehicle to connection—it’s not the purpose of the ride.”
RESOURCES
- Ask your question here: happyfamilies.com.au/podcast
- #754 Why Doing Their Best Might Not Be the Best [Podcast]
- The Biggest Relationship Mistakes We All Make [Article]
- Subscribe to the Happy Families newsletter
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
- Invite a relaxed “milkshake chat” with your teen to explore upside and downside of their choices.
- Model curiosity and drive in your own life—kids notice consistency more than pep talks.
- Pick a calm moment to tell your partner, “I feel disconnected when we wear EarPods during chores—I miss our casual chats.”
- Propose a short nightly “all-in” kitchen clean-up with devices away to nurture effortless conversation.
- Revisit boundaries if disengagement persists, and consider professional support if communication stalls.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to the Happy Families podcast. I'm doctor Justin Coulson.
So excited to answer your questions or you need to
do to submit your question about how to make your
family happier is go to happy families dot com dot A.
You scroll down to where it says podcasts, push the
record button, start talking. Literally that simple. Submit your questions
(00:26):
at happy families dot com dot au stay with us.
Only one question today comes from an anonymous listener who
says our teenager has a very different outlook on life
to me. She gets good grades, has great friends, and
is involved in sport and music. She's happy to coast
through her life, though she doesn't aim high as I did,
but rather is happy with good enough in all aspects
(00:48):
of her life. She says she just wants to be
happy and get an okay job. Her words, Should I
be thankful that she has a balanced outlook on life
or be pushing her to achieve more as she's so
academically capable. Part two of the question a chores a
chance to tune out or should that be present during chores?
My husband often wears EarPods when he's doing chores, even
(01:10):
in our kitchen, cooking or tidying up. It bugs me.
The rest of our family are in the same space,
often trying to connect in a casual way. But he
says he's doing enough by helping at home and should
be able to listen to whatever he wants while he's
in the kitchen, maybe your podcast. Sometimes he gets very
cranky when I politely ask him to remove them when
he's inside with us. Any advice, Okay, love both of
(01:30):
these questions. Let's start with the cruizy teen who's happy,
go lucky and just doesn't seem to want to put
the effort in. I have a couple of ideas around
here that might be useful. What I'm hearing when I
listen to this question is a parent who has climbed
I don't know, forty maybe fifty runs on the ladder
of life. If each rung represents a year of your life,
you're climbing up and up and up, and obviously the
(01:50):
higher you go, the better your perspective. You can see more.
You can see past the forest, you can see through
the woods, you can see around corners and through the shadows.
You know what's coming. And as a parent who loves
your children very much, you're invested in them making the
best decisions possible to find their way through this journey
of life in the most effective, efficient and successful way possible.
That makes sense. Of course, force creates resistance, and anyone
(02:15):
who's ever raised a teen or being a team knows
that most teens don't love parents being on their case
and telling them what to do. So you've got the
situation where you want the very best for your child,
your child wants the very best for themselves, but they
think that they know better, and you're now trying to
tell them that in spite of their limited view and
your wonderful view, and you're trying to talk to them.
(02:36):
The difficulty is they don't know how good the view
is from where you are. They can only see the
view from where they are, and it's never been better
than it is right now for them. They see you
as old, out of touch, at least a generation older
than them. In fact, most of them think that we
were born well over a generation before them. Despite the
math's not working out, and so there's this conflict, this
tension that makes it really hard. Where do you go
(02:58):
with this? Well, I think the most important thing to remember,
given that force creates resistance is that the harder you
work to take away your autonomy, the more you work
to convince them, the more they'll push back. Like I said,
force creates resistance. There's an old couple that said one
convinced against their will is of the same opinion. Still,
(03:19):
you can have every conversation under the sun, you can
talk to your blue in the face, But until your
daughter buys into it and starts to have that perspective
taking moment, it's not going to happen. Everything that your
child does make sense to them, even if it doesn't
make sense to you. And that perspective taking is very,
very challenging. Getting them to take yours is even harder.
(03:40):
As a dad of a couple of twenty somethings now
three twenty somethings, now, I can tell you how refreshing
and how delightful it is when they say to you,
I really appreciate what you are trying to tell me
six or seven or eight years ago. I get it now,
I can see it. But when they're going through their
adolescent years, they just can't see it, and it's infuriating. Okay,
So here's where we go with this. Conversations need to
(04:02):
be consensual. That is, Hey, I've been thinking about this thing.
Would you be open to having a milkshake with me
and chatting with me about it a bit. This is
not an explorer explain in power conversation as much as
it's two people trying to wrestle around with some tricky things.
And I find that a useful framing can be upside downside.
In other words, let's say you've got two opposing views.
(04:25):
You say to your child, Okay, your view is this,
you want to cruise through life. You've got this nice
balanced out look you find having a I don't know,
a minimum wage job and just doing enough. I get it.
It's really appealing, especially especially when you're a teenager looking
at things and looking at all the stress that school
can create. What's the upside here? And so get them
(04:47):
to explore the upside with you. They'll talk about how
nice it feels to be relaxed, and how everything's probably
going to work out. And they come from a good family,
like the upside is really apparent to them, and then
you can talk to them about the downside. That's the
next question. What's the downside to you making these choices?
If they're willing to be honest with you. They will
acknowledge that there are several pitfalls to this approach. Nevertheless,
(05:11):
there are also I mean, the upside's real and this
is the great challenge, right. I mean, I was a
high school failure. I scored on the bottom fifteen percent
of New South Wales in my HSC. And it wasn't
until I was twenty seven years of age, married with
a mortgage, a couple of kids that I went back
to school and literally turned my life around. So if
they do want a cruise, there is still the potential
(05:32):
that that can change later in life. It's just that
the numbers are against them. The probability is lower and
lower the older they get. Nevertheless, there's an upside downside
conversation looking at their choices. Then you can spin around
and say, well, let's have a look at it from
my perspective, what's the upside to working really hard at
school and perhaps having a little bit more get up
and go, and then what's the downside. Once you've had
(05:56):
that conversation, hopefully your child will walk away and start
to contemplate the discussion. I guarantee you they're not going
to look at you and say well, this has changed everything.
I'm so motivated, inspired, I'm ready to go right now.
Thank you so much for doing that. That won't happen.
What does happen, though, is kids go away and they
think about stuff, and little by little attitudes can shift,
(06:17):
not all the time, but sometimes. And I think this
is probably going to be your best bet. Ultimately, who
we are as models is going to be more predictive
of who our children become than anything else. It takes
a real concerted effort on the part of our children
to buck the trend or buck the conditioning and the
socialization that we've given them. Some do, but if we
(06:39):
can maintain those good relationships and support our kids, they'll
usually be fine. I think there's one more thing I'd add,
and that is just to find that thing your child
might not be particularly motivated because for many children, and
I say this with no disrespect to people working in education,
but for many kids school really does sad. They just
they hate it and they don't see an academic element
(07:02):
to their futures. I had a student at a school
in Brisbane just last week when I was giving a
talk about year eleven, year twelve and what to expect
and how to do well and what options they have.
I had a student put up his hand and said,
he said, I just don't understand why I have to
do the maths that I have to do, given that
I'm never going to do maths again once i leave
high school, certainly not this kind of maths. What's the point?
(07:25):
And this is a legitimate question that a lot of
kids are asking. This doesn't seem relevant at all. And
that's why I think there's real value in finding the
thing that lights them up and finding the thing that
they can really orient themselves towards and move forward in
that direction. Because then, well, if that maths is necessary
to get there because they want to go to UNI,
more power to them. They're going to get in there
(07:46):
and do it. And if it's not because they have
different plans, then they can have that a more relaxed approach.
They can have an alternative approach because they've found the
thing that really does it. For now, let's step into
(08:06):
part two about a husband in the kitchen using his
EarPods rather than participating in the family discussion. This one
really frustrates me. I totally get where you're coming from
this one. It's one of those situations where it's totally
understandable that you'd feel bugged by your husband's epod habit.
(08:29):
When you feel disconnected from your husband or partner and
you're sharing the same space, it's frustrating, and it makes
sense that you would crave those casual moments of connection
because that's what we all do, That's how most of
us are wired. Now here's what I want to recommend.
It's important to understand his perspective. It doesn't mean that
you're necessarily going to accept it, but it's important to
(08:50):
understand where he's coming from. When I hear your perspective,
his response seems dismissive. However, it's possible that your husband
is using his EarPods as a way to create a
sense of personal space and decompress while still making a
contribution to what needs to happen at home. Now, you
and I both agree that he's got his priorities around
(09:13):
the wrong way. It's actually about involvement. It's not about
helping that is, it's about being together and having that
casual connection more than it's about getting the dishes dried
and put away. A lot of people, though, find listening
to musical podcasts really soothing and it can help them
focus on mundane chores. I think, though, that it's important
that he understands that his choice is impacting your ability
(09:34):
and the ability of the kids to connect with him.
And that's ultimately what this is about. The task is
the vehicle to connection. It's not the purpose of the ride.
The whole idea is that we're spending time together. Every
night in our family, we have all in and that
means everyone comes into the kitchen and they help with
the dishes and the clearing of the table, and the
sweeping or the vacuum or the mopping of the floor.
(09:55):
We're all in there together for ten, fifteen, twenty minutes
getting the job done. And it's about togetherness. It's not
actually about the task though. It's about the conversations. It's
about the laughter. It's about the continued discussion from the
kitchen table. So what do you do about it? I
think there's a couple of things. Number one, what's his
expectation of the kids. They allowed to have their headphones
(10:16):
in as well. Is he fine with that or is
that not okay? Because consistency is important more than anything, though,
I think that we've got to communicate really clearly and
really collaboratively. What does that mean. It means probably four things,
maybe five things. Number One, you've got to choose the
right time. It's not the right time to have the
conversation while he's in the middle of cooking or cleaning
and the EarPods are in. You don't rip about and
(10:37):
say we need to talk about this. I've had enough.
Really need to find a neutral time when you can
both talk calmly and openly. And while I don't talk
about this sort of stuff much on the podcast and
I'm not a huge fan of the quote unquote eye statements,
sometimes they're really helpful. Expressing your feelings using eye statements
(10:58):
gets messages across. You might say, I feel disconnected when
you wear your ear pods while we're in the kitchen together.
I miss our casual chats. I miss the chance to
connect with you. You're not blaming him. You're not telling
him there's anything wrong with him. You're saying I feel this,
I missed that, I want this, And what I'm really
(11:20):
be working towards is focusing on the positive. If you
frame your request in terms of what you'd like to
gain rather than what he's doing, wrong, it's going to
go down much better. An example would be, I'd love
it if we could have earpod free time in the
evenings while we're making dinner, while we're tiding up, because
it means so much to me when we have that
time to connect, and the kids love it as well.
(11:42):
So we're really focusing on the benefit to having the
ear pods out rather than you're dismissing us. You're ignoring us,
you're abrogating your responsibilities as a father and a husband.
And I think there's also value in considering what a
compromis or negotiation might look like. Maybe he promises to
just wear one earpod instead of two, or he agrees
(12:02):
that he'll go earpod free at some times but not others.
I don't know where you'll fall on that, and certainly
I'd struggle with some compromises around this, but maybe some
of those will work for you ultimately. Ultimately, I think
that if he continues to dismiss your feelings, if he
refuses to talk with you, if there's no willingness at
(12:24):
all to compromise, if there's an unwillingness to connect, I
think that there's boundaries that can be set. You might say,
I get it. I know that you need personal time.
We all do. It makes sense you using the EarPods
in the kitchen is a barrier to the relationship and
that's not acceptable to me. And so therefore you might say,
(12:47):
I'd rather be in the kitchen with the kids without
you there, so that we can have time together without
feeling like we're on eggshells around you because you've got
the earphones in. Or you might say you're going to
have to plan up the kitchen on your own because
we're missing under that connection time and you can go
and do something else with the kids. I don't know.
I mean, this is where it starts to get messy,
(13:07):
and I want to tread very carefully, but sometimes cynically
a boundariesn't just saying I'm an adult here and I
have feelings too, might be where you go. I really
think that those other ideas are going to be more
helpful though, choosing the right time to communicate using some
carefully phrased eye statements, really focusing on the positive of
having those EarPods out and trying to compromise if it's necessary.
(13:28):
Sometimes sometimes this type of behavior can be a symptom
of a larger issue. Your husband may be consistently withdrawing,
consistently being disengaged, and if he is, it's probably going
to be helpful to explore those underlying dynamics. This is
where you go and have couples counseling. It can be
a valuable resource for navigating the challenges and strengthening your
(13:51):
connection over communication, though, mutual respect and a willingness to
compromise are probably going to be the best solutions to
resolve in this type of conflict. By expressing your needs
really clearly and respectfully, you will be able to create
a more connected and fulfilling relationship. Good luck, hope it works.
Thank you so much for the question. If you would
like to submit a question every Tuesday, I'll do my
(14:12):
best to answer them for you. Happy families dot com
dot A. You go to the super simple system on
the homepage where it says podcasts. Just click the record
button start talking. That's all you got to do. The
Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media.
If you'd like more information about making your family happier,
love it would just love it if you join us
(14:33):
on our social media pages at happy families dot com
dot au,
Welcome to the Happy Families podcast. I'm doctor Justin Coulson.
So excited to answer your questions or you need to
do to submit your question about how to make your
family happier is go to happy families dot com dot A.
You scroll down to where it says podcasts, push the
record button, start talking. Literally that simple. Submit your questions
(00:26):
at happy families dot com dot au stay with us.
Only one question today comes from an anonymous listener who
says our teenager has a very different outlook on life
to me. She gets good grades, has great friends, and
is involved in sport and music. She's happy to coast
through her life, though she doesn't aim high as I did,
but rather is happy with good enough in all aspects
(00:48):
of her life. She says she just wants to be
happy and get an okay job. Her words, Should I
be thankful that she has a balanced outlook on life
or be pushing her to achieve more as she's so
academically capable. Part two of the question a chores a
chance to tune out or should that be present during chores?
My husband often wears EarPods when he's doing chores, even
(01:10):
in our kitchen, cooking or tidying up. It bugs me.
The rest of our family are in the same space,
often trying to connect in a casual way. But he
says he's doing enough by helping at home and should
be able to listen to whatever he wants while he's
in the kitchen, maybe your podcast. Sometimes he gets very
cranky when I politely ask him to remove them when
he's inside with us. Any advice, Okay, love both of
(01:30):
these questions. Let's start with the cruizy teen who's happy,
go lucky and just doesn't seem to want to put
the effort in. I have a couple of ideas around
here that might be useful. What I'm hearing when I
listen to this question is a parent who has climbed
I don't know, forty maybe fifty runs on the ladder
of life. If each rung represents a year of your life,
you're climbing up and up and up, and obviously the
(01:50):
higher you go, the better your perspective. You can see more.
You can see past the forest, you can see through
the woods, you can see around corners and through the shadows.
You know what's coming. And as a parent who loves
your children very much, you're invested in them making the
best decisions possible to find their way through this journey
of life in the most effective, efficient and successful way possible.
That makes sense. Of course, force creates resistance, and anyone
(02:15):
who's ever raised a teen or being a team knows
that most teens don't love parents being on their case
and telling them what to do. So you've got the
situation where you want the very best for your child,
your child wants the very best for themselves, but they
think that they know better, and you're now trying to
tell them that in spite of their limited view and
your wonderful view, and you're trying to talk to them.
(02:36):
The difficulty is they don't know how good the view
is from where you are. They can only see the
view from where they are, and it's never been better
than it is right now for them. They see you
as old, out of touch, at least a generation older
than them. In fact, most of them think that we
were born well over a generation before them. Despite the
math's not working out, and so there's this conflict, this
tension that makes it really hard. Where do you go
(02:58):
with this? Well, I think the most important thing to remember,
given that force creates resistance is that the harder you
work to take away your autonomy, the more you work
to convince them, the more they'll push back. Like I said,
force creates resistance. There's an old couple that said one
convinced against their will is of the same opinion. Still,
(03:19):
you can have every conversation under the sun, you can
talk to your blue in the face, But until your
daughter buys into it and starts to have that perspective
taking moment, it's not going to happen. Everything that your
child does make sense to them, even if it doesn't
make sense to you. And that perspective taking is very,
very challenging. Getting them to take yours is even harder.
(03:40):
As a dad of a couple of twenty somethings now
three twenty somethings, now, I can tell you how refreshing
and how delightful it is when they say to you,
I really appreciate what you are trying to tell me
six or seven or eight years ago. I get it now,
I can see it. But when they're going through their
adolescent years, they just can't see it, and it's infuriating. Okay,
So here's where we go with this. Conversations need to
(04:02):
be consensual. That is, Hey, I've been thinking about this thing.
Would you be open to having a milkshake with me
and chatting with me about it a bit. This is
not an explorer explain in power conversation as much as
it's two people trying to wrestle around with some tricky things.
And I find that a useful framing can be upside downside.
In other words, let's say you've got two opposing views.
(04:25):
You say to your child, Okay, your view is this,
you want to cruise through life. You've got this nice
balanced out look you find having a I don't know,
a minimum wage job and just doing enough. I get it.
It's really appealing, especially especially when you're a teenager looking
at things and looking at all the stress that school
can create. What's the upside here? And so get them
(04:47):
to explore the upside with you. They'll talk about how
nice it feels to be relaxed, and how everything's probably
going to work out. And they come from a good family,
like the upside is really apparent to them, and then
you can talk to them about the downside. That's the
next question. What's the downside to you making these choices?
If they're willing to be honest with you. They will
acknowledge that there are several pitfalls to this approach. Nevertheless,
(05:11):
there are also I mean, the upside's real and this
is the great challenge, right. I mean, I was a
high school failure. I scored on the bottom fifteen percent
of New South Wales in my HSC. And it wasn't
until I was twenty seven years of age, married with
a mortgage, a couple of kids that I went back
to school and literally turned my life around. So if
they do want a cruise, there is still the potential
(05:32):
that that can change later in life. It's just that
the numbers are against them. The probability is lower and
lower the older they get. Nevertheless, there's an upside downside
conversation looking at their choices. Then you can spin around
and say, well, let's have a look at it from
my perspective, what's the upside to working really hard at
school and perhaps having a little bit more get up
and go, and then what's the downside. Once you've had
(05:56):
that conversation, hopefully your child will walk away and start
to contemplate the discussion. I guarantee you they're not going
to look at you and say well, this has changed everything.
I'm so motivated, inspired, I'm ready to go right now.
Thank you so much for doing that. That won't happen.
What does happen, though, is kids go away and they
think about stuff, and little by little attitudes can shift,
(06:17):
not all the time, but sometimes. And I think this
is probably going to be your best bet. Ultimately, who
we are as models is going to be more predictive
of who our children become than anything else. It takes
a real concerted effort on the part of our children
to buck the trend or buck the conditioning and the
socialization that we've given them. Some do, but if we
(06:39):
can maintain those good relationships and support our kids, they'll
usually be fine. I think there's one more thing I'd add,
and that is just to find that thing your child
might not be particularly motivated because for many children, and
I say this with no disrespect to people working in education,
but for many kids school really does sad. They just
they hate it and they don't see an academic element
(07:02):
to their futures. I had a student at a school
in Brisbane just last week when I was giving a
talk about year eleven, year twelve and what to expect
and how to do well and what options they have.
I had a student put up his hand and said,
he said, I just don't understand why I have to
do the maths that I have to do, given that
I'm never going to do maths again once i leave
high school, certainly not this kind of maths. What's the point?
(07:25):
And this is a legitimate question that a lot of
kids are asking. This doesn't seem relevant at all. And
that's why I think there's real value in finding the
thing that lights them up and finding the thing that
they can really orient themselves towards and move forward in
that direction. Because then, well, if that maths is necessary
to get there because they want to go to UNI,
more power to them. They're going to get in there
(07:46):
and do it. And if it's not because they have
different plans, then they can have that a more relaxed approach.
They can have an alternative approach because they've found the
thing that really does it. For now, let's step into
(08:06):
part two about a husband in the kitchen using his
EarPods rather than participating in the family discussion. This one
really frustrates me. I totally get where you're coming from
this one. It's one of those situations where it's totally
understandable that you'd feel bugged by your husband's epod habit.
(08:29):
When you feel disconnected from your husband or partner and
you're sharing the same space, it's frustrating, and it makes
sense that you would crave those casual moments of connection
because that's what we all do, That's how most of
us are wired. Now here's what I want to recommend.
It's important to understand his perspective. It doesn't mean that
you're necessarily going to accept it, but it's important to
(08:50):
understand where he's coming from. When I hear your perspective,
his response seems dismissive. However, it's possible that your husband
is using his EarPods as a way to create a
sense of personal space and decompress while still making a
contribution to what needs to happen at home. Now, you
and I both agree that he's got his priorities around
(09:13):
the wrong way. It's actually about involvement. It's not about
helping that is, it's about being together and having that
casual connection more than it's about getting the dishes dried
and put away. A lot of people, though, find listening
to musical podcasts really soothing and it can help them
focus on mundane chores. I think, though, that it's important
that he understands that his choice is impacting your ability
(09:34):
and the ability of the kids to connect with him.
And that's ultimately what this is about. The task is
the vehicle to connection. It's not the purpose of the ride.
The whole idea is that we're spending time together. Every
night in our family, we have all in and that
means everyone comes into the kitchen and they help with
the dishes and the clearing of the table, and the
sweeping or the vacuum or the mopping of the floor.
(09:55):
We're all in there together for ten, fifteen, twenty minutes
getting the job done. And it's about togetherness. It's not
actually about the task though. It's about the conversations. It's
about the laughter. It's about the continued discussion from the
kitchen table. So what do you do about it? I
think there's a couple of things. Number one, what's his
expectation of the kids. They allowed to have their headphones
(10:16):
in as well. Is he fine with that or is
that not okay? Because consistency is important more than anything, though,
I think that we've got to communicate really clearly and
really collaboratively. What does that mean. It means probably four things,
maybe five things. Number One, you've got to choose the
right time. It's not the right time to have the
conversation while he's in the middle of cooking or cleaning
and the EarPods are in. You don't rip about and
(10:37):
say we need to talk about this. I've had enough.
Really need to find a neutral time when you can
both talk calmly and openly. And while I don't talk
about this sort of stuff much on the podcast and
I'm not a huge fan of the quote unquote eye statements,
sometimes they're really helpful. Expressing your feelings using eye statements
(10:58):
gets messages across. You might say, I feel disconnected when
you wear your ear pods while we're in the kitchen together.
I miss our casual chats. I miss the chance to
connect with you. You're not blaming him. You're not telling
him there's anything wrong with him. You're saying I feel this,
I missed that, I want this, And what I'm really
(11:20):
be working towards is focusing on the positive. If you
frame your request in terms of what you'd like to
gain rather than what he's doing, wrong, it's going to
go down much better. An example would be, I'd love
it if we could have earpod free time in the
evenings while we're making dinner, while we're tiding up, because
it means so much to me when we have that
time to connect, and the kids love it as well.
(11:42):
So we're really focusing on the benefit to having the
ear pods out rather than you're dismissing us. You're ignoring us,
you're abrogating your responsibilities as a father and a husband.
And I think there's also value in considering what a
compromis or negotiation might look like. Maybe he promises to
just wear one earpod instead of two, or he agrees
(12:02):
that he'll go earpod free at some times but not others.
I don't know where you'll fall on that, and certainly
I'd struggle with some compromises around this, but maybe some
of those will work for you ultimately. Ultimately, I think
that if he continues to dismiss your feelings, if he
refuses to talk with you, if there's no willingness at
(12:24):
all to compromise, if there's an unwillingness to connect, I
think that there's boundaries that can be set. You might say,
I get it. I know that you need personal time.
We all do. It makes sense you using the EarPods
in the kitchen is a barrier to the relationship and
that's not acceptable to me. And so therefore you might say,
(12:47):
I'd rather be in the kitchen with the kids without
you there, so that we can have time together without
feeling like we're on eggshells around you because you've got
the earphones in. Or you might say you're going to
have to plan up the kitchen on your own because
we're missing under that connection time and you can go
and do something else with the kids. I don't know.
I mean, this is where it starts to get messy,
(13:07):
and I want to tread very carefully, but sometimes cynically
a boundariesn't just saying I'm an adult here and I
have feelings too, might be where you go. I really
think that those other ideas are going to be more
helpful though, choosing the right time to communicate using some
carefully phrased eye statements, really focusing on the positive of
having those EarPods out and trying to compromise if it's necessary.
(13:28):
Sometimes sometimes this type of behavior can be a symptom
of a larger issue. Your husband may be consistently withdrawing,
consistently being disengaged, and if he is, it's probably going
to be helpful to explore those underlying dynamics. This is
where you go and have couples counseling. It can be
a valuable resource for navigating the challenges and strengthening your
(13:51):
connection over communication, though, mutual respect and a willingness to
compromise are probably going to be the best solutions to
resolve in this type of conflict. By expressing your needs
really clearly and respectfully, you will be able to create
a more connected and fulfilling relationship. Good luck, hope it works.
Thank you so much for the question. If you would
like to submit a question every Tuesday, I'll do my
(14:12):
best to answer them for you. Happy families dot com
dot A. You go to the super simple system on
the homepage where it says podcasts. Just click the record
button start talking. That's all you got to do. The
Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media.
If you'd like more information about making your family happier,
love it would just love it if you join us
(14:33):
on our social media pages at happy families dot com
dot au,
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