October 1, 2025 • 15 mins
Are you exhausted from trying to keep everyone happy? Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory has gone viral for a reason—it’s simple, powerful, and life-changing. In this episode, Kylie shares her biggest takeaways from the book and why learning to say “let them” (and the equally powerful “let me”) could be the reset button parents desperately need.
Discover how this mindset can protect your peace, strengthen your relationships, and stop the endless cycle of people-pleasing—while still showing up as the parent your kids need.
KEY POINTS
- The Let Them mindset: stop wasting energy on what you can’t control.
- The crucial second step: Let Me—reclaim your power and choose your response.
- Why detaching from other people’s moods and opinions is freeing, not selfish.
- Stress hack: pause, breathe, and reset before reacting.
- Setting boundaries without guilt—why trying to please everyone leaves no one happy.
- How parents can balance “letting them” with still guiding and safeguarding kids.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“Other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them.” – Mel Robbins
RESOURCES MENTIONED
- "The Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins (New York Times bestseller)
- Mel Robbins Podcast
- Happy Families website
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
- The next time someone criticises or reacts negatively, pause and say to yourself: let them.
- Add the second step: let me—choose a calm, intentional response.
- Release the urge to manage other people’s emotions and focus on your own values and actions.
- Set boundaries without apology—someone will always be disappointed, and that’s okay.
- Model this mindset for your kids so they learn resilience, responsibility, and freedom from people-pleasing.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
One of the most popular books that I've been hearing
about is from the number one podcast on the planet.
Her name is mel Robbins and the book is called
The Let Them Theory, The Let Them Theory, Kylie. Missus
Happy Families has spent the last couple of weeks diving
deep into this New York Times bestseller, and today we
(00:27):
tell you what that let Them theory is and what
it means for peace, serenity, calm, bliss and all the
good things in your life. I think I don't actually
know what Kylie's going to say. Stay with us, good day.
Thanks so much for joining us on the Happy Families podcast,
Real Parenting Solutions every single day on Australia's most downloaded
(00:48):
parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Colson. All right, Kylie,
let's get straight into it. You're not the expert on
the let Them theory. Well, what's the actual title of
the book, they Let Them Theory? But let Them Theory? Okay,
what is if you can tell me? Will you're not
the expert and didn't write the book, what is the
let Them Theory?
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Well, I'm actually going to let mail tell you. I'm
going to read a little excerpt from the beginning of
a book. Because it's just, it's such a profound thought.
If you're, if you're reading this book wanting someone to
mody coddle you and to speak gently, she is not
the person. She speaks hard truth and they can be
hard to swallow.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Slap in the belly with a wet fish. Yeah, a
little bit maybe across that a little bit maybe, But
this is what she says.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
She says. The let them theory is about freedom, two
simple words, let them.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I thought you're going to say.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Freedom will free you from the burden of trying to
manage other people. When you stop obsessing over what other
people think, say, or do, you finally have the energy
to focus on your own life. You stop reacting and
start living instead of driving yourself crazy trying to manage
or please other people, you'll learn to let them. So
what does this look like? Imagine you're at work and
(02:01):
your colleague is in a bad mood. Instead of letting
their negativity affect you, you just say, let them. Let
them be grumpy, it's not your problem. Focus on your
work and how you feel.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
I've got to cut you off for a sec. This
sounds like that thing that I said to you about
ten years ago that really changed our relationship. I felt
like you were cranky at me. I felt like you
were going through a really, really really rough time. I
felt like I was doing everything I could to support
you and it wasn't working. And one day I said,
I'm not going to let you be in a bad
mood affect my mood. Like if I'm going to have
a good day, I'm having a good day, and I'm
(02:33):
satisfied to just let you have a bad day. But
I still love you and I'm here to support you.
But you get to choose your mood.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
And I think, generally speaking, men are a lot better
at differentiating between someone else's emotion and their own.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
So to detach, Okay, you're upset, you can be upset.
I'm going to go about my day. That's kind of
what she's saying. That's what happens. Okay, So if my
mother in law drives me crazy, my mother in law
look at me and saying, well, if you want to
be upset at me, that's your choice. But I'm seventy
years old and I'm going to live the life that
I want to live. Yeah, this is the anti change.
Other people book got it just you do you?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
So maybe your dad makes another comment about your life
choices and it hits you like a brick. Instead of
letting it ruin your day, just let him. Let him
have his opinions. They don't change who you are, or
what you've accomplished, or your right to make decisions that
make you happy. The truth is, other people hold no
real power over you unless you give it to that.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
I'm thinking of so many people we need to give
this book case.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Here's how it works.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Are you still going?
Speaker 2 (03:36):
When you stop trying to control things that aren't yours
to control, You stop wasting your energy. You recclaim your time,
your peace of mind, your focus. You realize that your
happiness is tied to your actions, not somebody else's behavior, opinions,
or moods. They let them. Theory will teach you that
the more you let other people live their lives, the
(03:56):
better your life gets. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Okay, okay, I love what's going on here. I love
what the book is about. When I hear this, though,
one of the great challenges that I'm confronted with is
as a parent. As a parent, you can't just let
the Yes, you can let the kids have a big
emotional outburst. I'm really good at saying, you know what, kids,
If you want to be upset about this, I get it.
I still love you. I'm trying to help you. But
(04:21):
if you don't want to talk to me, if you
want to be cranky, that's on you. I'm here when
you're ready. So I get that. But you also can't
let your children go and behavior responsibly, you know, responsibility
to socialize them.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
That's exactly right. Your role as a parent is to
parent them, so does to safeguard them and to yes
and to them navigate. Yes.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Does she have any content about because.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
You're not specifically in this.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Book, she does adult that adult.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
That's exactly right, and she does acknowledge that a parental
relationship with your child is different, especially with young children.
But she has something that you could go and look
on an ebook and have access to. There's just one
other that's really important when we think about the let
them theory, she said, too often people stop there at
letting other people have their emotions, have their opinions, But
(05:10):
there's actually more to it. There's two steps. So she said,
the let them theory isn't just let them. Yes, it
begins with these two words, but that's not the whole story.
Let them is just the first half of the equation.
There is a second, even more crucial step to this theory,
which is let me. So this book is actually not
(05:33):
about other people. It's about us and what we choose
to do following our acceptance of other people's behavior, opinions, thoughts, emotions,
and everything that goes with that.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Okay, okay, after the break, what Kylie loved most about
this book? Because my sense, Kyle is you liked it
a lot. Okay, Kylie, they'll let them theory, Mel Robins,
she's the number one podcaster globally. Wouldn't mind if we
(06:08):
were the number one podcast as globally. But we're not
there yet. Can everyone just tell everyone about this podcast
like I think we do a I think we do
a good pod. Jump online, leave us a five star
rating and review. Maybe that'll help us to move up
the charts a little bit. Gee wiz, please please, pretty
please do it? Is this the bit where you say
just let them do what they want? Is that the
bit what you said?
Speaker 2 (06:27):
I was about to say, maybe just write a bit
of book.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Oh I don't know. It hurt a lot. Okay, what
did you laugh most about? Mel Robins? They'll let them
theory book.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
I'm going to share with you three main things that
I took away from this. The first one she calls
hacking your stress response. She says, the moment anything happens
that stresses you out, literally say the words let them
put yourself in pause, then say let me and take
(06:59):
a breath, Let me take another breath, slow your stress response,
calm your body and brain down, take control and regain
your power. I love the fact that she just in
these few simple steps, what happens when somebody aggravates.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Us, Well, we respond reactively. We I mean, sometimes we
ignore it. Sometimes you turn against or turn away. Right,
That's the way that I normally talk about it.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
If you're not a confrontational person, you might not actually
have anything to do with the perpose. You will ruminate
over that, you'll keep going over the conversation I should.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Have said that thing instead.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Exactly exactly, And so we actually number one, give our
power to them. All of our energy is focused on
that scenario, and we can no longer move forward in
positive ways. And the idea and the science back behind
taking a breath and stopping ourselves between stimulus and response
(08:07):
is so powerful. And I just love the reminder that
I get to regain my power by acknowledging. I can't
change you, but I can change how I choose to
see this and respond to it.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Love it.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Number two, the power of let me. This is really
this is so good.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
I love that you're over this book. I love seeing
you enjoy a book. It's been at ages since I've
seen this, she said.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Regardless of what circumstances and situations of which you find yourself,
using the let them theory, you'll learn that no matter
how big the problem is or how stressful something feels,
there's always something you can do through your actions and
attitudes to make it better. That is the power of
let me. You can't control everyone around you, or the
world at large, or what people are doing at the park,
(08:56):
but you can always control what you say, what you think, think,
or what you do in response.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
I've got to jump in on you with what you're
talking about here. This is the ultimate don't be a
victim book. That's what I'm hearing you say. I know
that that sounds really offensive, and some people, well, like
I say, for what I'm saying, but you said this.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Is I said that at the beginning, She says some.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Like she hard truths, really hard truth.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Even to the point that you are in the wrong. Yeah,
like literally you were in the wrong. If you're feeling
x Y and Z about x y and Z, then
you're in the wrong.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
I'm hearing take responsibility for you and let other people
be themselves. Does she make the point that if people
really cross the line, that you have to act though.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Yes, of course she acknowledges you're not supposed to be
a doormat, But that's where you get to decide. Am
I going to stay in this relationship? Is this a
relationship that builds me, lifts me up?
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Am I going to put a boundary in here and
say you've just crossed the line?
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (09:57):
All right, great?
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
What's the third thing? We are nearly out of time,
and I feel like I need to pick up this
book and read it as well. It sounds like fun.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
The last thing that she makes is don't be the
person who bends over backwards to make everyone happy. She said,
someone is always going to be disappointed by the decisions
that you make. This is so powerful and as she
shared the experience that led her to this belief. I
(10:25):
was just thinking about all the times I have done this.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Give me the short version of the experience.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
So one weekend, her best friend is having a milestone birthday.
They're going away for the weekend. It's a four hour
drive in one direction. But months previous to this, there's
another commitment invitation. Her parents have acknowledged that her grandparents
will be in town and she's promised that she will
be with them for the weekend. So torn her totally torn.
(10:55):
Number One, she wants to be a good friend, but
she also wants to be a good daughter and a
grand grand So she decides there's only one solution. She's
going to drive the four hours to spend the night
with her best friend and the girls get completely sloshed,
have asleep, wake up the next morning, and while everyone's
still sleeping it off. She gets in the car and
(11:17):
she drives to her mom's place. It's not until a
few days later that she's catching up with her friends
and somebody acknowledges that the birthday girl was really disappointed
and made the comment that why did she even bother
to show up if.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
She could, if she was going to leave the next
morning weekend.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Yeah. Meantime, when she showed up at her parents' house,
her mum gave her a big hug and whispered in
her ear, I need you to know, Grandma was really
disappointed you here last night.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Just keep it to yourself, Mom, like, can you see?
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Can you see just in that situation, she's tried in
her in the only way she knows how to please
both people and please know it, and she hasn't pleased
to send and no one has.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
The sad thing about that for me is there's no gratitude,
there's no grace. That's right. People aren't saying Mel's got
so much on and at least she made the time
to do something. Instead, they're saying, why did she bother it?
I mean, to me, that's that's an indictment on them.
And Mel needs new relatives and new friends, draw some
boundaries mail robins.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
But as I read that, I was thinking of all
the times that I have turned my life upside down,
twisted into one hundred different knots and like a breath,
directions to please everyone, and I've had similar outcomes, and
I'm left feeling less than whole and seriously upset. And
(12:37):
disappointed that there is just no grace of it in
spite of my very best efforts. It's not enough cheer.
And so the things that I love about this book
the acknowledgment that I can't change anyone else. This is
not new, This is not new. But in me take
(13:00):
on that thought process of let them. I literally am
able to just say you have every right to feel
that way. I know you're disappointed that I didn't get
to spend the weekend with you, but I feel good
about the decision I made to come and spend time
with you.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
We're out of time, But I've got a question for you. Yes,
have you been using any of the let them theory
on me or our kids?
Speaker 2 (13:24):
No? I haven't, But I've had I've had a situation
just in the last few weeks. It has been really
troubling for me, and for a handful of days, I've
really been ruminating over the way other people have chosen
to respond to a decision that I made. And the
problem is we know why we make the decisions we make.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Yeah, when you intimately trying to be helpful, that's right, and.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
You're thinking about everybody being a people pleaser, I'm thinking
about everyone and trying to make everybody happy in the scenario.
But there are plenty of people who are not happy
with the decision that I made, and I was getting
myself all worked up about it, and then I woke
up one morning and I just thought, you know what,
Let them. It's okay that they feel this way. No,
not from A. It's not from A.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
It's not a smug arrogance in your face. Let them.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
It literally is. I can see why you would feel
that way. It's okay that you feel that way. That's
not why I made the decision, and I didn't make
it with that intent, but I can see how that
decision may have impacted you in that way, and that's okay.
It's not mine to fix it's that's theirs. My role
(14:33):
is to take control of the things I can control.
I can't control them, but I can control how I think,
how I choose to respond, and how I act.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
The let them theory by Mel Robbins is Kylie Colson's
new favorite book, Call It's Pretty Good. We will into
it in the show notes. If you would like to
click on the link and grab a copy. The Happy
Families podcast is produced by Justin from bridge Media, and
if you'd like more information about making your family happier
(15:04):
and navigating those tricky relationships, jump online to Happy Families
dot com, dot a
One of the most popular books that I've been hearing
about is from the number one podcast on the planet.
Her name is mel Robbins and the book is called
The Let Them Theory, The Let Them Theory, Kylie. Missus
Happy Families has spent the last couple of weeks diving
deep into this New York Times bestseller, and today we
(00:27):
tell you what that let Them theory is and what
it means for peace, serenity, calm, bliss and all the
good things in your life. I think I don't actually
know what Kylie's going to say. Stay with us, good day.
Thanks so much for joining us on the Happy Families podcast,
Real Parenting Solutions every single day on Australia's most downloaded
(00:48):
parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Colson. All right, Kylie,
let's get straight into it. You're not the expert on
the let Them theory. Well, what's the actual title of
the book, they Let Them Theory? But let Them Theory? Okay,
what is if you can tell me? Will you're not
the expert and didn't write the book, what is the
let Them Theory?
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Well, I'm actually going to let mail tell you. I'm
going to read a little excerpt from the beginning of
a book. Because it's just, it's such a profound thought.
If you're, if you're reading this book wanting someone to
mody coddle you and to speak gently, she is not
the person. She speaks hard truth and they can be
hard to swallow.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Slap in the belly with a wet fish. Yeah, a
little bit maybe across that a little bit maybe, But
this is what she says.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
She says. The let them theory is about freedom, two
simple words, let them.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I thought you're going to say.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Freedom will free you from the burden of trying to
manage other people. When you stop obsessing over what other
people think, say, or do, you finally have the energy
to focus on your own life. You stop reacting and
start living instead of driving yourself crazy trying to manage
or please other people, you'll learn to let them. So
what does this look like? Imagine you're at work and
(02:01):
your colleague is in a bad mood. Instead of letting
their negativity affect you, you just say, let them. Let
them be grumpy, it's not your problem. Focus on your
work and how you feel.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
I've got to cut you off for a sec. This
sounds like that thing that I said to you about
ten years ago that really changed our relationship. I felt
like you were cranky at me. I felt like you
were going through a really, really really rough time. I
felt like I was doing everything I could to support
you and it wasn't working. And one day I said,
I'm not going to let you be in a bad
mood affect my mood. Like if I'm going to have
a good day, I'm having a good day, and I'm
(02:33):
satisfied to just let you have a bad day. But
I still love you and I'm here to support you.
But you get to choose your mood.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
And I think, generally speaking, men are a lot better
at differentiating between someone else's emotion and their own.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
So to detach, Okay, you're upset, you can be upset.
I'm going to go about my day. That's kind of
what she's saying. That's what happens. Okay, So if my
mother in law drives me crazy, my mother in law
look at me and saying, well, if you want to
be upset at me, that's your choice. But I'm seventy
years old and I'm going to live the life that
I want to live. Yeah, this is the anti change.
Other people book got it just you do you?
Speaker 2 (03:11):
So maybe your dad makes another comment about your life
choices and it hits you like a brick. Instead of
letting it ruin your day, just let him. Let him
have his opinions. They don't change who you are, or
what you've accomplished, or your right to make decisions that
make you happy. The truth is, other people hold no
real power over you unless you give it to that.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
I'm thinking of so many people we need to give
this book case.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Here's how it works.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Are you still going?
Speaker 2 (03:36):
When you stop trying to control things that aren't yours
to control, You stop wasting your energy. You recclaim your time,
your peace of mind, your focus. You realize that your
happiness is tied to your actions, not somebody else's behavior, opinions,
or moods. They let them. Theory will teach you that
the more you let other people live their lives, the
(03:56):
better your life gets. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Okay, okay, I love what's going on here. I love
what the book is about. When I hear this, though,
one of the great challenges that I'm confronted with is
as a parent. As a parent, you can't just let
the Yes, you can let the kids have a big
emotional outburst. I'm really good at saying, you know what, kids,
If you want to be upset about this, I get it.
I still love you. I'm trying to help you. But
(04:21):
if you don't want to talk to me, if you
want to be cranky, that's on you. I'm here when
you're ready. So I get that. But you also can't
let your children go and behavior responsibly, you know, responsibility
to socialize them.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
That's exactly right. Your role as a parent is to
parent them, so does to safeguard them and to yes
and to them navigate. Yes.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Does she have any content about because.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
You're not specifically in this.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Book, she does adult that adult.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
That's exactly right, and she does acknowledge that a parental
relationship with your child is different, especially with young children.
But she has something that you could go and look
on an ebook and have access to. There's just one
other that's really important when we think about the let
them theory, she said, too often people stop there at
letting other people have their emotions, have their opinions, But
(05:10):
there's actually more to it. There's two steps. So she said,
the let them theory isn't just let them. Yes, it
begins with these two words, but that's not the whole story.
Let them is just the first half of the equation.
There is a second, even more crucial step to this theory,
which is let me. So this book is actually not
(05:33):
about other people. It's about us and what we choose
to do following our acceptance of other people's behavior, opinions, thoughts, emotions,
and everything that goes with that.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Okay, okay, after the break, what Kylie loved most about
this book? Because my sense, Kyle is you liked it
a lot. Okay, Kylie, they'll let them theory, Mel Robins,
she's the number one podcaster globally. Wouldn't mind if we
(06:08):
were the number one podcast as globally. But we're not
there yet. Can everyone just tell everyone about this podcast
like I think we do a I think we do
a good pod. Jump online, leave us a five star
rating and review. Maybe that'll help us to move up
the charts a little bit. Gee wiz, please please, pretty
please do it? Is this the bit where you say
just let them do what they want? Is that the
bit what you said?
Speaker 2 (06:27):
I was about to say, maybe just write a bit
of book.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Oh I don't know. It hurt a lot. Okay, what
did you laugh most about? Mel Robins? They'll let them
theory book.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
I'm going to share with you three main things that
I took away from this. The first one she calls
hacking your stress response. She says, the moment anything happens
that stresses you out, literally say the words let them
put yourself in pause, then say let me and take
(06:59):
a breath, Let me take another breath, slow your stress response,
calm your body and brain down, take control and regain
your power. I love the fact that she just in
these few simple steps, what happens when somebody aggravates.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Us, Well, we respond reactively. We I mean, sometimes we
ignore it. Sometimes you turn against or turn away. Right,
That's the way that I normally talk about it.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
If you're not a confrontational person, you might not actually
have anything to do with the perpose. You will ruminate
over that, you'll keep going over the conversation I should.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Have said that thing instead.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Exactly exactly, And so we actually number one, give our
power to them. All of our energy is focused on
that scenario, and we can no longer move forward in
positive ways. And the idea and the science back behind
taking a breath and stopping ourselves between stimulus and response
(08:07):
is so powerful. And I just love the reminder that
I get to regain my power by acknowledging. I can't
change you, but I can change how I choose to
see this and respond to it.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Love it.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Number two, the power of let me. This is really
this is so good.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
I love that you're over this book. I love seeing
you enjoy a book. It's been at ages since I've
seen this, she said.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Regardless of what circumstances and situations of which you find yourself,
using the let them theory, you'll learn that no matter
how big the problem is or how stressful something feels,
there's always something you can do through your actions and
attitudes to make it better. That is the power of
let me. You can't control everyone around you, or the
world at large, or what people are doing at the park,
(08:56):
but you can always control what you say, what you think, think,
or what you do in response.
Speaker 1 (09:02):
I've got to jump in on you with what you're
talking about here. This is the ultimate don't be a
victim book. That's what I'm hearing you say. I know
that that sounds really offensive, and some people, well, like
I say, for what I'm saying, but you said this.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Is I said that at the beginning, She says some.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Like she hard truths, really hard truth.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Even to the point that you are in the wrong. Yeah,
like literally you were in the wrong. If you're feeling
x Y and Z about x y and Z, then
you're in the wrong.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
I'm hearing take responsibility for you and let other people
be themselves. Does she make the point that if people
really cross the line, that you have to act though.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Yes, of course she acknowledges you're not supposed to be
a doormat, But that's where you get to decide. Am
I going to stay in this relationship? Is this a
relationship that builds me, lifts me up?
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Am I going to put a boundary in here and
say you've just crossed the line?
Speaker 2 (09:57):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (09:57):
All right, great?
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
What's the third thing? We are nearly out of time,
and I feel like I need to pick up this
book and read it as well. It sounds like fun.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
The last thing that she makes is don't be the
person who bends over backwards to make everyone happy. She said,
someone is always going to be disappointed by the decisions
that you make. This is so powerful and as she
shared the experience that led her to this belief. I
(10:25):
was just thinking about all the times I have done this.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Give me the short version of the experience.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
So one weekend, her best friend is having a milestone birthday.
They're going away for the weekend. It's a four hour
drive in one direction. But months previous to this, there's
another commitment invitation. Her parents have acknowledged that her grandparents
will be in town and she's promised that she will
be with them for the weekend. So torn her totally torn.
(10:55):
Number One, she wants to be a good friend, but
she also wants to be a good daughter and a
grand grand So she decides there's only one solution. She's
going to drive the four hours to spend the night
with her best friend and the girls get completely sloshed,
have asleep, wake up the next morning, and while everyone's
still sleeping it off. She gets in the car and
(11:17):
she drives to her mom's place. It's not until a
few days later that she's catching up with her friends
and somebody acknowledges that the birthday girl was really disappointed
and made the comment that why did she even bother
to show up if.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
She could, if she was going to leave the next
morning weekend.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
Yeah. Meantime, when she showed up at her parents' house,
her mum gave her a big hug and whispered in
her ear, I need you to know, Grandma was really
disappointed you here last night.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
Just keep it to yourself, Mom, like, can you see?
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Can you see just in that situation, she's tried in
her in the only way she knows how to please
both people and please know it, and she hasn't pleased
to send and no one has.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
The sad thing about that for me is there's no gratitude,
there's no grace. That's right. People aren't saying Mel's got
so much on and at least she made the time
to do something. Instead, they're saying, why did she bother it?
I mean, to me, that's that's an indictment on them.
And Mel needs new relatives and new friends, draw some
boundaries mail robins.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
But as I read that, I was thinking of all
the times that I have turned my life upside down,
twisted into one hundred different knots and like a breath,
directions to please everyone, and I've had similar outcomes, and
I'm left feeling less than whole and seriously upset. And
(12:37):
disappointed that there is just no grace of it in
spite of my very best efforts. It's not enough cheer.
And so the things that I love about this book
the acknowledgment that I can't change anyone else. This is
not new, This is not new. But in me take
(13:00):
on that thought process of let them. I literally am
able to just say you have every right to feel
that way. I know you're disappointed that I didn't get
to spend the weekend with you, but I feel good
about the decision I made to come and spend time
with you.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
We're out of time, But I've got a question for you. Yes,
have you been using any of the let them theory
on me or our kids?
Speaker 2 (13:24):
No? I haven't, But I've had I've had a situation
just in the last few weeks. It has been really
troubling for me, and for a handful of days, I've
really been ruminating over the way other people have chosen
to respond to a decision that I made. And the
problem is we know why we make the decisions we make.
Speaker 1 (13:45):
Yeah, when you intimately trying to be helpful, that's right, and.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
You're thinking about everybody being a people pleaser, I'm thinking
about everyone and trying to make everybody happy in the scenario.
But there are plenty of people who are not happy
with the decision that I made, and I was getting
myself all worked up about it, and then I woke
up one morning and I just thought, you know what,
Let them. It's okay that they feel this way. No,
not from A. It's not from A.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
It's not a smug arrogance in your face. Let them.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
It literally is. I can see why you would feel
that way. It's okay that you feel that way. That's
not why I made the decision, and I didn't make
it with that intent, but I can see how that
decision may have impacted you in that way, and that's okay.
It's not mine to fix it's that's theirs. My role
(14:33):
is to take control of the things I can control.
I can't control them, but I can control how I think,
how I choose to respond, and how I act.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
The let them theory by Mel Robbins is Kylie Colson's
new favorite book, Call It's Pretty Good. We will into
it in the show notes. If you would like to
click on the link and grab a copy. The Happy
Families podcast is produced by Justin from bridge Media, and
if you'd like more information about making your family happier
(15:04):
and navigating those tricky relationships, jump online to Happy Families
dot com, dot a
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