July 16, 2025 • 18 mins
What do you do when your child refuses to eat? When food, health, and body image turn into a dangerous battleground? In this deeply moving episode, Justin and Kylie unpack the devastating reality of eating disorders — with insights from a brave young woman who overcame anorexia, her incredible family, and a specialist psychologist who shares life-saving advice for parents.
KEY POINTS
-
90% of teens have negative thoughts about their bodies; eating disorders affect far too many young people, especially girls.
-
Social media and “diet culture” fuel body dissatisfaction, validation-seeking, and dangerous habits.
-
Even the most loving parents can have children who perceive themselves as unlovable — perception is reality for struggling kids.
-
Parents play a vital role: showing up consistently and lovingly is powerful even when it feels unnoticed.
-
Warning signs to watch for include:
-
Loose, baggy clothing (to hide weight loss or from skin sensitivity)
-
Avoiding family meals, picking at food, or excessive “health consciousness”
-
Withdrawing socially, prioritizing exercise obsessively
-
Personality changes, irritability, especially around meals
-
- Parents need extraordinary patience, kindness, and firmness — staying at the table for hours if necessary, showing the eating disorder who’s stronger.
-
Separate “the eating disorder voice” from your child’s real self in your interactions.
-
It’s less about finding the “cause” and more about focusing on healing.
-
The Butterfly Foundation (butterfly.org.au) is an excellent resource for specialist help.
QUOTE OF EPISODE #1299
"You need to show that eating disorder that you're stronger than it, more patient than it, and you will sit there as long as it takes — because your child is worth fighting for." — Christine Gregory
RESOURCES MENTIONED
-
The Butterfly Foundation — national support for eating disorders
-
Parental Guidance episode (stream on 9Now)
-
Happy Families articles and resources on connection and body image (happyfamilies.com.au)
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
All this week on the Happy Families podcast, it's been
a conversation about body image, following up from the third
episode of Parental Guidance on Channel nine. If you haven't
checked it out yet, you can stream it via replay
on nine Now could they Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast.
It's Real Parenting Solutions every day on Australia's most downloaded
parenting podcast, where Justin and Kylie Coulson are really really, really,
(00:28):
really really tough conversation. Today we're talking about eating disorders
and more specifically the impact of anarexia. A lot of
the stats ninety percent of teenagers have negative thoughts about
their bodies. We have far too many of our mainly
young women, although young men to a lesser degree, who
are really struggling with psychologically challenging issues around body image
(00:53):
that lead to in some cases, the very worst of outcomes. Kylie,
we were introduced to four new focus families.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Elvy and Sean.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
We are authoritative parents.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
We have high expectations on our children.
Speaker 5 (01:08):
In the meantime, were set strict rules and boundaries.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Nick and Sophia where the positivity parents, where confidence is key.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Josh and Cassie.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
We are the life school parents, and we use real
life experiences to educate our kids and Amandarin has Son.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
We choose to parent the hard way. We don't take shortcuts.
Speaker 6 (01:26):
It's hard on us for easing the fun for the kids.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
On this week's episode of Parental Guidance, we met an
incredible young woman who was gripped by this deadly disease
of the mind.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Force yourself to eat it, Ashley, yes, she can.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Sure you're punishing me. I'm not punishing you.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
You are choosing to listen to the voice instead.
Speaker 6 (01:57):
What is a voice saying right now?
Speaker 5 (02:01):
So you need to do the opposite?
Speaker 4 (02:03):
What does it.
Speaker 5 (02:03):
Feel like to complete your meal? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Loves watching that. Watching Ashley Kylie, I I'm speechless.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
Like the.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Pain, the difficulty, the challenge that this family has been
through in so many other families.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
How do you even react to that?
Speaker 6 (02:31):
As we've been going through each episode, obviously her scream
is part of your promo, and I've been trying to
work out what the noise was. It's been just really
I've been struggling to wrap my head around what that
noise was and to actually put it into context and
to see.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
It's hard to fund the words.
Speaker 6 (02:52):
Isn't it to see the immense struggle, like the depth
of struggle it was for her to just put food
in her mouth, yeah, and to have it there but
not be willing to swallow or like.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Just her mum that you can't let the voice win.
I mean, oh my goodness, how do you deal with that?
Speaker 6 (03:12):
I think a challenge like that would literally test anybody
to their very core.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Every relationship, every relationship. So that was actually her parents
are Candle and Andrew. Ashley is now a healthy and
strong young woman. Nine years later she joined us on
the episode. It was Oh, it was such an inspiring conversation.
Oh my goodness. So we asked her how this battle
first started for her.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
I started following these influences online that were posting photos
of their shopping trolleys. And I was looking to these
people that were seeming like they were happy when they
were going on a diet or when they were losing weight.
And so I was constantly being reinforced that who why
I was and what I looked like was not enough.
Speaker 6 (03:56):
I know that as you were going through social media
and with the algorithms, you were just seeing this certain
image really dangerous diets.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
I really wanted to then have a flat stomach. I
do all the seven minute workouts or the ad workouts,
and then the more I lost, the more validation I
got in the sense of or you look amazing, what
are you doing? You're so fit, you look great, And
it was feeding me like I was then striving for that,
and I was seeking that because it's like you're possessed.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Kennell became not a moment anymore.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
She became a care which was a big task, and
then I became the parent for the other two kids
and look after the house.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Can you explain to all of us what it was
like at its worst? At its worst is that I
have met the devil. You know, you could physically see
Ashley eyes roll back and this different, demonized voice would
come forward. It was going to walk. We were basically
(04:57):
told to take a home. She's got the most extreme
eating disorder and probably the highest mortality rate, and you
just need to get food in, you know, as she
wouldn't even brush your cheeks. She wouldn't even drink water
because she thought it had calories in it.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
I didn't want to be here. I didn't feel like
anybody loved me. I didn't feel like I was worthy
of being loved. And when I was admitted into hospital,
into a children's mental health war, you were on your own,
and you're like twelve or thirteen, and you've just got
no family. I had mom turn up every single day
(05:36):
at nine am and then be told to leave at night.
And for someone that thought that nobody loved her, but
to have her mum turn up every single day, while
there were other kids in there that had their mum
come drop them off and then never return, I thought, Wow,
I'm like wasting away my life so selfie. When I
(06:00):
have a mum and a family that's so willing to
fight for me. That's when I made the decision that
I'm going to give full recovery a go. And I mean,
here we are nine years later.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
On Oh my goodness, that's a lot.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
We're going to be back after the break and discuss
the science to look for if you concerned it all
about your child and how we can deal with this
as parents. Okay, so you've just heard Ashley's harrowing story
going to hell and back fighting anarexia. Her parents, Kendall
(06:33):
and Andrew just amazing people, Amazing people who saved Ashley
I think saved her life, certainly saved her from herself
in so many ways.
Speaker 6 (06:43):
Kylie listening to Ashley's acknowledgment that before she went to hospital,
she honestly number one, didn't believe she was.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Lovable, oh my goodness, and.
Speaker 6 (06:54):
Didn't feel loved. And you look at the immense care
and attention that her parents were giving to her in
spite of the way she felt. And it wasn't until
she had the stark contrast of being dropped off at
the hospital and seeing her mum come every single day
(07:17):
while other kids had been dropped off and didn't see
their parents at all, and that was her wake up call.
But I guess the thing that stands out to me
the most is even the very best of us can
find ourselves at a place where our kids feel unlovable,
(07:38):
feel unloved by us in spite of everything we're doing.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
There's a I mean, I'm always talking about how kids
fell love time and talking about the important of connection,
feeling seen, heard and valued. But there's something that I
don't mention often and I probably should, and that is
that perception is reality. So perception is that we're doing
all that we can, but to our children, what's going
on in their minds? How are they perceiving our relationship
(08:07):
with them, How are they perceiving the connection, because we
know that when that relationship is solid and strong, they
tend to stay away from these challenging situations.
Speaker 6 (08:18):
I guess the other thing to acknowledge, though, is just
like in the conversation we had in yesterday's episode about
the distortion of my reality when I looked in the mirror,
when our kids are starting to struggle with mental illness,
their reality is distorted. So we could be doing everything
right and I say that in inverted commas, but we
(08:40):
could literally be giving them every good thing. But as
they're spiraling down, their perception is so warped. It is
so lacking in realness. I don't know how has to
say it, and so I really just wanted to highlight
that if you find yourself in that situation, it's not
to say that you've done anything wrong, but we have
(09:04):
to find a way to help them out of it.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Yeah, and that's the critical thing. If their perception is
creating the reality in their minds that the connection is
not there, finding a way to make the connection is
just that that becomes the number one job of parents.
Speaker 6 (09:20):
Andrew's acknowledgment that Kendall literally became Ashley's career in those
couple of years while she was fighting this battle, mum
literally took on a twenty four to seven carer's role
and he had to pick up the pieces.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
All right, So let's talk warning signs. This is an
area that requires a high level of specialty, and I
haven't started in this area. I mean, I've got some
general things that I can be useful for in conversations
about anorexia and eating disorders, but it's actually not me,
it's not what I do. We do have somebody who
is a specialist in this area fifteen years of experience.
(10:00):
Gregory is an Illawara based psychologist who specializes in eating disorders.
She's also a mum of two and Christine joins us.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Now, Hi Christine, justin, Hi Kylie Christine.
Speaker 6 (10:12):
We've got three questions for you in relation to this.
My first one is what other signs parents need to
look out for if they've got concerns.
Speaker 5 (10:22):
Yeah, great question. I think that I'd probably break that
down into two sections. And what I really want to
focus on for you at this point is those early
warning signs because we know that treatment is so much
better if we can get it early. So some of
the things that you might see early on in the
piece is maybe your child is wearing really loose, baggy clothing.
(10:46):
So that could be for two reasons. One might be
to disguise some weight loss, but also because their skin
becomes a little bit sensitive and they prefer to wear
looser clothing. So that's one of the early things. Other
things you might know is not wanting to eat with
you at the family dinner table, or pushing food around,
(11:06):
or becoming particularly health conscious, which can get a bit
disguised between like, oh, we're really proud of our child
for wanting to eat healthy food and wanting to do
more exercise, but then that can go too far. So
if they're really avoiding things, like if they've always loved
chocolate and even though they're on a health kick, they're
still avoiding chocolate and it's their favorite, that should be
(11:29):
a little flag, you know, we should still be able
to have some balance there. And then obviously later on
like that, the weight losses is probably one of the
more significant things. Avoiding social outings, not wanting to go out,
and then the excessive exercise, so really prioritizing exercise over
everything else.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
This seems insidious to me because as a parent who
wants children to be healthy and happy, seeing a child
making wise diet choices and getting physically fit and active,
I mean, that's got to be a wonderfully rewarding thing
for both you and your child. And of course we
don't want to pathologize a child who wants to be
healthy either. So this is this is really tricky, isn't it.
(12:10):
There's got to be a whole web, a whole lot
of things that are all leaning in this in this direction.
Speaker 5 (12:16):
You guys know your children the best, so if there's
some personality changes happening along with this, if they're being
really snappy at you, particularly around meal times, that they're
the sort of things that add to it other than
just healthy eating.
Speaker 6 (12:30):
Christine, is it possible to offer general advice to parents
with such a complex reality.
Speaker 5 (12:37):
Yeah, look, it is. It is really really complicated, and
for any parents that have been through this with their child,
they will know it is absolutely one of the hardest
things you can possibly go through. Aside from that, one
of the things that I would really say that's important
is patience, and it is essentially your job as a
parent to feed your child. So if they're at the
(13:01):
dinner table and refusing to eat, you need to have
all the time in the world to sit there with
them and encourage them and make sure they eat their food.
And you do it kindly, you do it firmly, and
you just make sure it happens. It's very, very difficult
because that could take hours, but you need to show
(13:22):
that eating disorder that you're stronger than it. You've got
more patience than it, you've got more time than it,
and it doesn't matter what it's telling your child to do,
You're going to be there and make sure they eat regardless.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
I'm almost weeping as you say that, because that's what
we see in the episode. I mean, the interaction that
we see is precisely an extraordinarily patient mother saying we
are going to beat this voice. We're going to do
whatever it takes to get this food into you. Absolutely,
and I'm getting weepy just thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Just so profound. I love that advice.
Speaker 5 (13:55):
The other thing that I think is always imperative. You
just reminded me as you talking about it, is one
of the things I would do is separate the eating
disorder voice from your child voice. So recognize that they're
two different things. Because when you're in the thick of this,
this isn't my child. They didn't behave like this, they
didn't have this attitude, and that is the eating disorder
(14:16):
voice that's coming through, And what you want to do
is talk to your child, not to the eating disorder.
Speaker 6 (14:23):
Well, Christine, I'm not sure if this is a fair
question to ask, considering that each circumstance will be different
for different families. But I'm wondering if there are any
main drivers that we see across the board that would contribute.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Or create or create eating disorders.
Speaker 6 (14:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (14:44):
Yeah, it's a good question, and it's a really common
one that parents will often ask me is where did
this come from? How did my child end up with this?
And the reality is we don't know. So we're looking
at lots of DNA studies, we're looking at genetically. There
does seem to be a link. We do know that
there's certain personality styles that are more likely to fall
(15:09):
into these kind of habits. So if you're more of
that type a personality, you like to do things, when
you do it, you do it well, so if you're
going to lose weight, you're going to lose weight really well,
there's some things that do contribute, but I guess I
guess I would actually worn off looking too much at
what's caused it and looking at fixing it.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Again, it goes back to that whole We could pathologize
everything and say everything's a predictor of, or a cause of,
or a potential risk factor, and it's more about keeping
the kids healthy and safe.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Let me ask you this, though, I know that.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Eating disorders existed before screens, but how much do you
think that screens and specifically social media have amplified or
magnified or exacerbated this issue.
Speaker 5 (15:52):
I think what I see is that the screens and
the media and you know, back in the day used
to be magazines, all of that. I think what they
lead to is a dissatisfaction with body image. I think
when we start looking at the extremes of anorex nivosa,
blieming novosa, those factors, the incidents aren't necessarily going up
(16:16):
based on that. But what we do know is people
are less satisfied with their bodies. So it breeds more
of the diet culture, which then means that the eating
disorders can hide within that.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
I know.
Speaker 6 (16:26):
I said I had three questions, but I actually have
another one for you. If parents are concerned, where do
they go to get the help that they need?
Speaker 5 (16:36):
Yeah, so it's really really important to get the right
medical attention. You'll end up with lots of appointments, but
it's important to get people that understand and know eating
disorders because, like you said before, justin like, some of
these qualities are really good. So if you get someone
that doesn't understand the pathology of an eating disorder, they
might be recommending things that are actually going to cause
(16:57):
harm to your child. So I would say the Butterfly
Foundation has a national register of gp psychiatrist, psychologists, dietitians,
So Butterfly dot org dot AU would be my recommendation
of where to go.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yeah, and we're refers to We referred to them in
the show as well, so I'm really glad that you're
recommending them.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
We think that they're great as well.
Speaker 5 (17:19):
They are absolutely fantastic.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Christine Gregory is an Illa, Warror based psychologist who specializes
in eating disorders. I really appreciate your time, Christine. Thank
you for that. Tomorrow tomorrow on the pod, what are
the biggest moments unexpectedly when everything went sideways, something that
really captured everyone unawares. We'll be talking about that.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
As life school parents, we think a good compliment is
one that comes from the heart and it's ris pretty.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
How's a peg?
Speaker 7 (17:51):
Don't we all?
Speaker 6 (17:52):
Some nice?
Speaker 5 (17:53):
Nice hair?
Speaker 6 (17:54):
Is that so?
Speaker 5 (17:54):
Hair?
Speaker 3 (17:56):
Nice skin?
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Nice skin?
Speaker 7 (17:59):
I can't whether or not you believe that you're limiting
their opportunities for careers later Like you said, well, if
they want to be a doctor, they can be a doctor. Realistically,
I don't see that happening if they can't read.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
The Happy Families podcast returns tomorrow, please join us for
what should be just a really riveting conversation.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
We really appreciate the work of Justin Rouland for Bridge Media.
He's our producer.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Craig Bruce is the executive producer of the podcast, and
Mmhammonds provides all the research and other support to make
the pod happen. If you'd like more information to make
your family happier, please visit us for more at happy
families dot com dot au and we will link to
all the resources to help with eating disorders and the
things we've talked about in this podcast in the show notes,
All this week on the Happy Families podcast, it's been
a conversation about body image, following up from the third
episode of Parental Guidance on Channel nine. If you haven't
checked it out yet, you can stream it via replay
on nine Now could they Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast.
It's Real Parenting Solutions every day on Australia's most downloaded
parenting podcast, where Justin and Kylie Coulson are really really, really,
(00:28):
really really tough conversation. Today we're talking about eating disorders
and more specifically the impact of anarexia. A lot of
the stats ninety percent of teenagers have negative thoughts about
their bodies. We have far too many of our mainly
young women, although young men to a lesser degree, who
are really struggling with psychologically challenging issues around body image
(00:53):
that lead to in some cases, the very worst of outcomes. Kylie,
we were introduced to four new focus families.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
Elvy and Sean.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
We are authoritative parents.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
We have high expectations on our children.
Speaker 5 (01:08):
In the meantime, were set strict rules and boundaries.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Nick and Sophia where the positivity parents, where confidence is key.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Josh and Cassie.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
We are the life school parents, and we use real
life experiences to educate our kids and Amandarin has Son.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
We choose to parent the hard way. We don't take shortcuts.
Speaker 6 (01:26):
It's hard on us for easing the fun for the kids.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
On this week's episode of Parental Guidance, we met an
incredible young woman who was gripped by this deadly disease
of the mind.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Force yourself to eat it, Ashley, yes, she can.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
Sure you're punishing me. I'm not punishing you.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
You are choosing to listen to the voice instead.
Speaker 6 (01:57):
What is a voice saying right now?
Speaker 5 (02:01):
So you need to do the opposite?
Speaker 4 (02:03):
What does it.
Speaker 5 (02:03):
Feel like to complete your meal? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Loves watching that. Watching Ashley Kylie, I I'm speechless.
Speaker 4 (02:21):
Like the.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Pain, the difficulty, the challenge that this family has been
through in so many other families.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
How do you even react to that?
Speaker 6 (02:31):
As we've been going through each episode, obviously her scream
is part of your promo, and I've been trying to
work out what the noise was. It's been just really
I've been struggling to wrap my head around what that
noise was and to actually put it into context and
to see.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
It's hard to fund the words.
Speaker 6 (02:52):
Isn't it to see the immense struggle, like the depth
of struggle it was for her to just put food
in her mouth, yeah, and to have it there but
not be willing to swallow or like.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Just her mum that you can't let the voice win.
I mean, oh my goodness, how do you deal with that?
Speaker 6 (03:12):
I think a challenge like that would literally test anybody
to their very core.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Every relationship, every relationship. So that was actually her parents
are Candle and Andrew. Ashley is now a healthy and
strong young woman. Nine years later she joined us on
the episode. It was Oh, it was such an inspiring conversation.
Oh my goodness. So we asked her how this battle
first started for her.
Speaker 4 (03:39):
I started following these influences online that were posting photos
of their shopping trolleys. And I was looking to these
people that were seeming like they were happy when they
were going on a diet or when they were losing weight.
And so I was constantly being reinforced that who why
I was and what I looked like was not enough.
Speaker 6 (03:56):
I know that as you were going through social media
and with the algorithms, you were just seeing this certain
image really dangerous diets.
Speaker 4 (04:06):
I really wanted to then have a flat stomach. I
do all the seven minute workouts or the ad workouts,
and then the more I lost, the more validation I
got in the sense of or you look amazing, what
are you doing? You're so fit, you look great, And
it was feeding me like I was then striving for that,
and I was seeking that because it's like you're possessed.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Kennell became not a moment anymore.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
She became a care which was a big task, and
then I became the parent for the other two kids
and look after the house.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Can you explain to all of us what it was
like at its worst? At its worst is that I
have met the devil. You know, you could physically see
Ashley eyes roll back and this different, demonized voice would
come forward. It was going to walk. We were basically
(04:57):
told to take a home. She's got the most extreme
eating disorder and probably the highest mortality rate, and you
just need to get food in, you know, as she
wouldn't even brush your cheeks. She wouldn't even drink water
because she thought it had calories in it.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
I didn't want to be here. I didn't feel like
anybody loved me. I didn't feel like I was worthy
of being loved. And when I was admitted into hospital,
into a children's mental health war, you were on your own,
and you're like twelve or thirteen, and you've just got
no family. I had mom turn up every single day
(05:36):
at nine am and then be told to leave at night.
And for someone that thought that nobody loved her, but
to have her mum turn up every single day, while
there were other kids in there that had their mum
come drop them off and then never return, I thought, Wow,
I'm like wasting away my life so selfie. When I
(06:00):
have a mum and a family that's so willing to
fight for me. That's when I made the decision that
I'm going to give full recovery a go. And I mean,
here we are nine years later.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
On Oh my goodness, that's a lot.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
We're going to be back after the break and discuss
the science to look for if you concerned it all
about your child and how we can deal with this
as parents. Okay, so you've just heard Ashley's harrowing story
going to hell and back fighting anarexia. Her parents, Kendall
(06:33):
and Andrew just amazing people, Amazing people who saved Ashley
I think saved her life, certainly saved her from herself
in so many ways.
Speaker 6 (06:43):
Kylie listening to Ashley's acknowledgment that before she went to hospital,
she honestly number one, didn't believe she was.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Lovable, oh my goodness, and.
Speaker 6 (06:54):
Didn't feel loved. And you look at the immense care
and attention that her parents were giving to her in
spite of the way she felt. And it wasn't until
she had the stark contrast of being dropped off at
the hospital and seeing her mum come every single day
(07:17):
while other kids had been dropped off and didn't see
their parents at all, and that was her wake up call.
But I guess the thing that stands out to me
the most is even the very best of us can
find ourselves at a place where our kids feel unlovable,
(07:38):
feel unloved by us in spite of everything we're doing.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
There's a I mean, I'm always talking about how kids
fell love time and talking about the important of connection,
feeling seen, heard and valued. But there's something that I
don't mention often and I probably should, and that is
that perception is reality. So perception is that we're doing
all that we can, but to our children, what's going
on in their minds? How are they perceiving our relationship
(08:07):
with them, How are they perceiving the connection, because we
know that when that relationship is solid and strong, they
tend to stay away from these challenging situations.
Speaker 6 (08:18):
I guess the other thing to acknowledge, though, is just
like in the conversation we had in yesterday's episode about
the distortion of my reality when I looked in the mirror,
when our kids are starting to struggle with mental illness,
their reality is distorted. So we could be doing everything
right and I say that in inverted commas, but we
(08:40):
could literally be giving them every good thing. But as
they're spiraling down, their perception is so warped. It is
so lacking in realness. I don't know how has to
say it, and so I really just wanted to highlight
that if you find yourself in that situation, it's not
to say that you've done anything wrong, but we have
(09:04):
to find a way to help them out of it.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Yeah, and that's the critical thing. If their perception is
creating the reality in their minds that the connection is
not there, finding a way to make the connection is
just that that becomes the number one job of parents.
Speaker 6 (09:20):
Andrew's acknowledgment that Kendall literally became Ashley's career in those
couple of years while she was fighting this battle, mum
literally took on a twenty four to seven carer's role
and he had to pick up the pieces.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
All right, So let's talk warning signs. This is an
area that requires a high level of specialty, and I
haven't started in this area. I mean, I've got some
general things that I can be useful for in conversations
about anorexia and eating disorders, but it's actually not me,
it's not what I do. We do have somebody who
is a specialist in this area fifteen years of experience.
(10:00):
Gregory is an Illawara based psychologist who specializes in eating disorders.
She's also a mum of two and Christine joins us.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Now, Hi Christine, justin, Hi Kylie Christine.
Speaker 6 (10:12):
We've got three questions for you in relation to this.
My first one is what other signs parents need to
look out for if they've got concerns.
Speaker 5 (10:22):
Yeah, great question. I think that I'd probably break that
down into two sections. And what I really want to
focus on for you at this point is those early
warning signs because we know that treatment is so much
better if we can get it early. So some of
the things that you might see early on in the
piece is maybe your child is wearing really loose, baggy clothing.
(10:46):
So that could be for two reasons. One might be
to disguise some weight loss, but also because their skin
becomes a little bit sensitive and they prefer to wear
looser clothing. So that's one of the early things. Other
things you might know is not wanting to eat with
you at the family dinner table, or pushing food around,
(11:06):
or becoming particularly health conscious, which can get a bit
disguised between like, oh, we're really proud of our child
for wanting to eat healthy food and wanting to do
more exercise, but then that can go too far. So
if they're really avoiding things, like if they've always loved
chocolate and even though they're on a health kick, they're
still avoiding chocolate and it's their favorite, that should be
(11:29):
a little flag, you know, we should still be able
to have some balance there. And then obviously later on
like that, the weight losses is probably one of the
more significant things. Avoiding social outings, not wanting to go out,
and then the excessive exercise, so really prioritizing exercise over
everything else.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
This seems insidious to me because as a parent who
wants children to be healthy and happy, seeing a child
making wise diet choices and getting physically fit and active,
I mean, that's got to be a wonderfully rewarding thing
for both you and your child. And of course we
don't want to pathologize a child who wants to be
healthy either. So this is this is really tricky, isn't it.
(12:10):
There's got to be a whole web, a whole lot
of things that are all leaning in this in this direction.
Speaker 5 (12:16):
You guys know your children the best, so if there's
some personality changes happening along with this, if they're being
really snappy at you, particularly around meal times, that they're
the sort of things that add to it other than
just healthy eating.
Speaker 6 (12:30):
Christine, is it possible to offer general advice to parents
with such a complex reality.
Speaker 5 (12:37):
Yeah, look, it is. It is really really complicated, and
for any parents that have been through this with their child,
they will know it is absolutely one of the hardest
things you can possibly go through. Aside from that, one
of the things that I would really say that's important
is patience, and it is essentially your job as a
parent to feed your child. So if they're at the
(13:01):
dinner table and refusing to eat, you need to have
all the time in the world to sit there with
them and encourage them and make sure they eat their food.
And you do it kindly, you do it firmly, and
you just make sure it happens. It's very, very difficult
because that could take hours, but you need to show
(13:22):
that eating disorder that you're stronger than it. You've got
more patience than it, you've got more time than it,
and it doesn't matter what it's telling your child to do,
You're going to be there and make sure they eat regardless.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
I'm almost weeping as you say that, because that's what
we see in the episode. I mean, the interaction that
we see is precisely an extraordinarily patient mother saying we
are going to beat this voice. We're going to do
whatever it takes to get this food into you. Absolutely,
and I'm getting weepy just thinking about it.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Just so profound. I love that advice.
Speaker 5 (13:55):
The other thing that I think is always imperative. You
just reminded me as you talking about it, is one
of the things I would do is separate the eating
disorder voice from your child voice. So recognize that they're
two different things. Because when you're in the thick of this,
this isn't my child. They didn't behave like this, they
didn't have this attitude, and that is the eating disorder
(14:16):
voice that's coming through, And what you want to do
is talk to your child, not to the eating disorder.
Speaker 6 (14:23):
Well, Christine, I'm not sure if this is a fair
question to ask, considering that each circumstance will be different
for different families. But I'm wondering if there are any
main drivers that we see across the board that would contribute.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Or create or create eating disorders.
Speaker 6 (14:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (14:44):
Yeah, it's a good question, and it's a really common
one that parents will often ask me is where did
this come from? How did my child end up with this?
And the reality is we don't know. So we're looking
at lots of DNA studies, we're looking at genetically. There
does seem to be a link. We do know that
there's certain personality styles that are more likely to fall
(15:09):
into these kind of habits. So if you're more of
that type a personality, you like to do things, when
you do it, you do it well, so if you're
going to lose weight, you're going to lose weight really well,
there's some things that do contribute, but I guess I
guess I would actually worn off looking too much at
what's caused it and looking at fixing it.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Again, it goes back to that whole We could pathologize
everything and say everything's a predictor of, or a cause of,
or a potential risk factor, and it's more about keeping
the kids healthy and safe.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Let me ask you this, though, I know that.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Eating disorders existed before screens, but how much do you
think that screens and specifically social media have amplified or
magnified or exacerbated this issue.
Speaker 5 (15:52):
I think what I see is that the screens and
the media and you know, back in the day used
to be magazines, all of that. I think what they
lead to is a dissatisfaction with body image. I think
when we start looking at the extremes of anorex nivosa,
blieming novosa, those factors, the incidents aren't necessarily going up
(16:16):
based on that. But what we do know is people
are less satisfied with their bodies. So it breeds more
of the diet culture, which then means that the eating
disorders can hide within that.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
I know.
Speaker 6 (16:26):
I said I had three questions, but I actually have
another one for you. If parents are concerned, where do
they go to get the help that they need?
Speaker 5 (16:36):
Yeah, so it's really really important to get the right
medical attention. You'll end up with lots of appointments, but
it's important to get people that understand and know eating
disorders because, like you said before, justin like, some of
these qualities are really good. So if you get someone
that doesn't understand the pathology of an eating disorder, they
might be recommending things that are actually going to cause
(16:57):
harm to your child. So I would say the Butterfly
Foundation has a national register of gp psychiatrist, psychologists, dietitians,
So Butterfly dot org dot AU would be my recommendation
of where to go.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yeah, and we're refers to We referred to them in
the show as well, so I'm really glad that you're
recommending them.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
We think that they're great as well.
Speaker 5 (17:19):
They are absolutely fantastic.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Christine Gregory is an Illa, Warror based psychologist who specializes
in eating disorders. I really appreciate your time, Christine. Thank
you for that. Tomorrow tomorrow on the pod, what are
the biggest moments unexpectedly when everything went sideways, something that
really captured everyone unawares. We'll be talking about that.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
As life school parents, we think a good compliment is
one that comes from the heart and it's ris pretty.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
How's a peg?
Speaker 7 (17:51):
Don't we all?
Speaker 6 (17:52):
Some nice?
Speaker 5 (17:53):
Nice hair?
Speaker 6 (17:54):
Is that so?
Speaker 5 (17:54):
Hair?
Speaker 3 (17:56):
Nice skin?
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Nice skin?
Speaker 7 (17:59):
I can't whether or not you believe that you're limiting
their opportunities for careers later Like you said, well, if
they want to be a doctor, they can be a doctor. Realistically,
I don't see that happening if they can't read.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
The Happy Families podcast returns tomorrow, please join us for
what should be just a really riveting conversation.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
We really appreciate the work of Justin Rouland for Bridge Media.
He's our producer.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Craig Bruce is the executive producer of the podcast, and
Mmhammonds provides all the research and other support to make
the pod happen. If you'd like more information to make
your family happier, please visit us for more at happy
families dot com dot au and we will link to
all the resources to help with eating disorders and the
things we've talked about in this podcast in the show notes,
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