October 9, 2025 • 17 mins
Ever had your child melt down because it’s time to leave somewhere fun? In this heartwarming episode, Justin and Kylie share the tearful goodbyes, the bike crashes, and the surprising wisdom that came from an 11-year-old who just didn’t want the holiday to end.
It’s a story about empathy, growing up, and remembering that sometimes… we all just want to stay a little longer.
KEY POINTS:
- Why revisiting familiar places can be deeply meaningful for families
- How empathy—not logic—helps calm big emotions in kids
- The hidden benefits of letting grandparents “spoil” their grandkids
- Why parents (even parenting experts!) still have emotional moments of their own
- How shared stories can defuse tension and strengthen connection
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
“Empathy and perspective are powerful. They stop you from getting mad at the kids and help you join them in their suffering.”
RESOURCES MENTIONED:
- 10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know — Dr Justin Coulson
- The Happy Families Newsletter – sign up via form on the website
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:
- When your child resists leaving, start with empathy before explanation.
- Share a relatable story from your own life—it helps kids feel seen.
- Let grandparents be the “soft place to land”—then gently re-establish home routines.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Gooday. This is the Happy Families Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
The school holidays have been wrapping up around the country
over the last week or thereabouts, depending on which state
you're in. Kylie and I were able to sneak away
for a week with.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Not all the kids. Our family's changing, Our family holidays
are shifting. Kids have got.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Part time jobs and full time jobs and university study
and it's really affecting how we holiday. In just a
sec for our Old Do Better Tomorrow, Kylee will unpack
something about that holiday that was meaningful for her.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Plus what do you do.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
When your child is having an absolute meltdown because they've
had the time of their life and now it's time
to get back into the car. That's my Older Better
Tomorrow coming up in just a sec, plus some other
big news that's happening around the country.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Stay with us.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello and welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. It's real
parenting solutions every single day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
We are Justin and Kylie Colson.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Kylie as I seem to be doing more and more
often on a Friday. There's so much going on outside
of Older Better Tomorrow that just needs to be flagged
really quickly. Just wanted to highlight next week New South
Wales HSC exams start year twelve exams just around the corner.
Other states will be starting there's shortly as well, but
New South Wales kicks off first.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
That's big news.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Also big news this week in our family, at least
with our swifty daughter who just can't get enough. Taylor
Swift's new album has dropped. The stereo has been playing NonStop.
I feel like we've had wall to wall Taylor Swift all.
I've been away for most of the week. I've been
in Perth for most of the week doing talks. But
every time I ring, every time I hear her, every
(01:39):
time I've walked into the house when I have been home,
it's NonStop Taytay and no. I think that's all the news.
I think that's everything. Is there anything before we step
into Your Older Better Tomorrow that I should be mentioning?
That's been big, that needs to be highlighted. I don't
think so, Okay, what's your Older Better Tomorrow?
Speaker 1 (01:56):
This week?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Over the years, we've talked about whether or not returning
to a holiday destination is a good idea or not.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
My mum has such strong opinions. She's tried to indoctrinate
me and basically said, you never want to go back
to the same place for a second time. You want
to have new experiences. There's so much of the world
out there, you've got to explore it all.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Why would you go back, is what she says.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Why why that's right?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Why would you go somewhere you've already been, You've already
seen it?
Speaker 1 (02:25):
How boring, Let's go do something new.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
And yet I have vivid memories of being in my
teenage years and having my friends go off to the
same camp site, for instance, every September.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Holidays and probably bump into the same other families who
are all showing up. So they've got this annual friendship renewals.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Yeah, and they meet up, they meet new friends there
who have the same traditions, and those friendships blossom. But
they also go with families that they have friendships with
in their local communities as well. And I just used
to listen to them so excited because they were going
to catch up with this friend they haven't seen twelve months,
or you know, they were going to go hang out
(03:05):
at the special rock place that only the kids knew
about and the parents didn't or whatever it was. And
so you and I have had conversations for a long
time about whether or not we should kind of create
that tradition for our kids or not. And because of
where you've come from, it hasn't really been a plus
in our conversations. But what I have found joy in
(03:26):
is returning home. For the majority of our girls, Woollongong
was their childhood home. It was the place that they
grew up and being a much smaller community, we weren't
surrounded by grandparents and aunties and uncles, so the community
filled the gap for them in that regard, and over
the years we have gone back. But what I found
(03:49):
this time there was just there was a difference. Going back.
It literally felt like we were home. We were enveloped
again in the community, and there there were these moments
where I was literally sitting and it was all I
was having this outer body experience, and I was like
deja vous as I remembered all of these beautiful moments
where the community came together and just swallowed us up
(04:10):
in love and joy, and just watching our children re
engage in that space and see people so excited and
so energized and engaged and so invested in our children's
success in life.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah, reuniting was really really nice. Something about this that
I didn't tell you, unless I don't think I told you,
is you went to your old message therapist. You wanted
to go and have a catch up with your message therapist,
get a massage, and prepare for the trip home. And
while you were doing that, I took our twenty one
year old daughter. She said, can you just drive me
past my old netball courts. So we jumped in the
(04:47):
car and as we were driving along, she said, I
remember Chanel used to go to school there, and I
remember this store over here. We did this like all
along the way. She was pointing to this street or
that landmark of whatever it was, and she had all
these memories. So halfway along the road she said, I've
got a pretty good memory, haven't I done? Because we've
been gone for a decade, but we also lived there
for a decade, and these were the children's formative years.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
It was.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
It was really nice to go back and have that experience.
I'd like to go back regularly. I love that Woollongong
so underrated, The whole Woongong region is so underrated. What
a great place.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
While we were there, you actually introduced to me to
one of your absolute loves. Right you took my bike.
Oh oh, you put me on the road.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
I was thinking, I don't remember eating anywhere. I thought
you were going to talk about chickos and getting the
chicken burger or something like that.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Yeah, we did. We went for a ride through the
Royal National.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Park and it was that was a highlight. That was
really lovely. I remember all of those mornings that I
would wake up all by myself because you'd got up
at the crack of dawn to hang out with your like.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Reclad buddies who all shaved their legs and hang around
in here.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
What was your sparrows Farts?
Speaker 2 (05:57):
We got home before all the sparrows were popping off,
so it was the Sparrows Fart Cycle Club. Because we
meet each other at four fifteen to get our rights,
because we had wives who didn't like us riding our bikes,
and so we had to get our early bike ride in.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
And over the last handful of months we've started riding
together and I've really really enjoyed it. But riding down
there was really special and I could see why it
had been such a joy point for you.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
You mean you could understand why I would get out
of better before I can leave you?
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Yes, yes, and I would like to do it again.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
That view from Bald Hill over the Seacliff Bridge. For
anyone who hasn't been to the Elora, just just googled
the images and if you live.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
In the Elora, you know what we're talking about.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
It's just just magic. While we're talking about bike riding again,
this isn't part of our old bit of tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Now.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I guess you're old the better tomorrow to take home messages.
It's good to go back to places that you've been before.
I think it is you're saying, my mum's right. This
podcast is you're clap back against your mother and lawa.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Is that what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
You talk about the conversation that you had with our
twenty two year old as she drove past all of
these places, and just the remembrance and the joy that comes,
like she wanted to go past a network place. That
place was hell for me. It was freezing cold. I
was sitting on the sidelines, rocking a baby in a pram,
(07:17):
totally wrapped up in every layer I had because it
was that cold and she was out there having so
much fun.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Big smile on a face.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Yeah, and she remembers that that's special and that's something
that you want to allow your children to relive.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Yeah. Yeah, it was a good trip.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
After the break, I'm going to share another quick cycling
story from you and then my older better tomorrow about
a child who did not want to leave and how
we navigated that like pride. It's The Happy Family's podcast.
This is doctor Justin Kilsner, who my wife from Under
(07:57):
our six kids, missus Happy Families, Kylie. Just before I
share my i'ld do better tomorrow, I want to quickly
highlight if you are driving a car and you see
a cyclist, please be gentle, please be nice. Kylie and
I love to ride our bike, but we spent some
time on the New South walest Central coast where I
grew up. We hung out with my parents for a
couple of days. The kids were having a ball on
(08:18):
the coast and Kylie and I went for a ride
and somehow, I don't know what was going on, Kylie,
but I was in front of you, which is unusual
because you usually ride in front of me.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
You're much faster than me.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
And what happened like the front tire caught the lip
of the bitchmen. You sort of were half in the
gunter and half on the bitchmen, trying to stay out
of the way, stay on the shoulder of the road.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Yeah, yeah, a bit like that.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
And you went down and fell.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Into our first blood sacrifice.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Fell into the road, and there was a car coming.
Fortunately they hit the brakes well before they got to you.
But a scary moment.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
So a meter matters.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
That is not a paid sponsorship. That is just we
had a close call. And you've been feeling a bit
the worse for wear for the last week because there was.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
There was blood on the road. There was blood down
your leg.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
You don't bounce so much when you're nearly fifty, no,
like you do when you're two.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Body is stiffened up a bit more. Yeah. Yeah, So I'm.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Really glad that you're okay and that you still want
to ride a bike. Given how much I spent on
that bike, I'm very glad that you want.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
To keep on writing it. Okay, here's my old bedit tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
I can do this one fairly quickly, but it's a
really important one, and there's some great lessons here. We
don't always get this stuff right. Sometimes we're a bit emotional.
Sometimes we're a bit tired and over it. And even
though I've written all the books and you and I've
recorded like fifteen hundred podcasts, now, Kylie, sometimes you just
kind of get to the point where you're like, I
don't I don't care what the books say, just do
as you're told.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
With the kids. So last what was it last Friday.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Morning or something like that, we got up at five o'clock,
I packed the car and by six am we were
getting ready for our soon to be twelve thirteen hour
drive back to the Sunshine Coast from then yourself a
central coast. It shouldn't take that long, but we knew
that with a long weekend come up, that it.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Was just it was going to be tricky.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
We're going to get to Brisbane if we were lucky,
and then have traffic all the way with the Sunshine Coast.
So we're getting in the car, the kids getting in
the car, and all of a sudden, Emily, our eleven
year old, just had a meltdown.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
I don't want to go. I want to stay with
my cousin.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
I want to stay with that and Pop, I want
to keep on having all the fun that I've been having.
I like it here more than I like it at home.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
It doesn't have anything to do with the fact that
her now lets her do whatever she wants.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yeah, like when we had a couple of days and
left the kids with mum, I'm pretty sure there were approximately.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
How many boundaries? Zero That's what I thought, zero boundaries.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
And yet we're grateful that our parents are willing to
look after the kids, and so we're not going to
kick up big fuss about that. We're just going to
say thank you.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Well, you know, I know I'm hijacking your story.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
I do it to you all the time.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
But we talk about this a lot, and we've had
lots of questions over the years.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
About We've done a lot of pods on this.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Topic, boundaries and grandparents. But again, maybe because we're at
the other end of parents and not the beginning of
our journey. But I just love that your mum's this beautiful,
soft place for the kids and she gets to give
them so much joy. And yes, it is frustrating and
it's hard when they come home and there's all these
(11:14):
meltdowns and big emotions because and sugar withdrawal. We are
setting the boundaries again. But isn't that what grandparents are
supposed to do. They're supposed to just fill them up
with love and joy and they know that when they
go there, they're going to be absolutely the most important
person in their world.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I'm racking my brain trying to remember what I did
the other day within the our granddaughter. But she now
looked at me and she's like, you would never have
done that with us, You would never have let us
get away with that.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
And I looked at her up she.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Was pushing the washing basket along our brand new floors.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Oh that's right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, And I
just laughed and said, yeah, but she's my granddaughter.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
She can do it.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
And she knows, like this is so un fair. I'm like,
I know, but how good is it? I'm really enjoying
the double standard. I think that grandparents are allowed a
certain level of hypocrisy.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
That's what I've decided. Never also the.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
One that says I've changed enough nappies, I'm now a
great parent. I don't have to did that come from?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
And I share my story because this is going to
This is going to blow out to twenty minutes otherwise, Kylie.
We tried to get Emily in the car and she
really didn't want to get in the car. I was
going to drag her to the car and carry her
to the car, and just thought, no, that's not how
it works, and so we coaxed it to the car miserably,
and she got in the car and she was boiling
her eyes out and it was the six am. I've
(12:29):
only just woken up, cry, I know what go, And
it was loud and it was enduring, and Mum was
trying to convince her that she needed to go, and
there was a whole lot of logic conversation going on,
but this was just an understanding conversation. But the car
door closed and you hopped in the back seat next
to her, and we put our elder daughter Ella, who
(12:51):
was twenty one, into the front seat and we'd gone
about two hundred meters when fifteen year old Lily just said,
she's being ridiculous. We've got to go home. This is
just ridiculous. Can you just tell her to stop it?
Can she just be quiet?
Speaker 1 (13:03):
And like she was being really really cranky.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
Well, she wasn't just crying by that stage.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
She was like, I don't want to go.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
I don't want to go.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
It was a lot, I mean it was. It was
a lot.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
It had been going on for a few minutes by then,
and I just I just paused, and I so badly
wanted to pull the car over and just say, you
know what, stay, I don't want you to come home either.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Just.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
But instead I said to Lily.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
She's only eleven, and she really misses her grandparents and
her cousin, and she really doesn't want to go.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
And I get that you.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Find it inconvenient, so do I. But I was eleven
once and I felt like that, and so were you.
And then I had this remembrance, I said to her, Kylie,
when you and I were engaged to be married, there
was only a couple months ago. I was living in
mad Eyes, were working as a radio announcer. You were
living in Brisbane with your parents, and I flew down
to spend a couple of days, maybe across the Christmas
(13:57):
break or something with you and your family. And when
it was time for me to fly back to Mount iSER,
I remember walking through security and then walking onto the airplane.
I'm like, at any moment, now, Kylie's going to come
dashing down and say, don't go.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
And I remember trying to think what movie had you watched?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
No, no movies was for that moment in my mind.
And then as we're taching, I'm thinking, at any moment,
the pilot's going to say, I'm sorry, we need to
we need to return to the terminal because Kylie wants
justin to stay.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
You were thinking I was going to fly up and
meet you in the sky.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Like as we're roaring down the runway, but take off,
I'm thinking he's going to hit the brakes at any moment.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
I'm not actually going to take off. I am staying.
I am staying. And then I ended up in Mount
iSER and I shared that story.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
With Well, finish it off with Lily, Well.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
What were you doing while you're in there thinking all
of those things?
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Oh, I was having a big cry. I was having
a big cry. I missed you.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
But I said to Lily, I was twenty one or
twenty two years old when that was happening, and it
just broke my heart and I sobbed on this airplane
because I didn't want to leave.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
My soon to be wife.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
I said, We've got little Emily in the back seat,
and she just wants to stay with her cousin and
her grandparents. She's having those same feelings and they're normal
and they're natural, and we just need to let her
have those feelings. And two things happened. Number One, Lily softened.
There was that empathy, that perspective that she needed. But
Emily calmed down as well. Number One, I think she
(15:27):
enjoyed the story and hearing about how the plane did
actually take off and how I couldn't understand why you
would leave me. But more than that, I think she
felt understood. She felt seen and heard and valued, She
felt connected, and she was able to regulate her emotions.
In fact, that was the last sobbing we had for
the entire trip. It only lasted a couple of minutes.
(15:48):
I think that I mean might take her messages. Empathy
is powerful. Empathy and perspective are powerful. They stop you
from getting mad at the kids. It helps you to
have some compassion to join them in their suffering. But
it also helps.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Those around you or around.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
The upset child to recognize that we all have these moments,
we all have these big emotions from time to time.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
So you're going to take credit for calming her down
when it was my hugs and cuddles that did. Is
that what you're going to do?
Speaker 1 (16:18):
It was a team effort. It was a team effort.
It's serious.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
It was a team Believe that you're taking taking credit
for my brilliant empathy.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Hey, I was sitting in the back seat. For goodness sakes,
I got to get some credit there.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Roland from
Bridge Media. Mim Hammonds provides admin, research and other support.
We really appreciate both Justin and Mim for all.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
The work that they do.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Have a great weekend. Thanks so much for choosing to
listen to the podcast. We hope that these ideas will
help your family to be happier and we'll be back
on Monday with more of The Happy Famili's podcasts.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Y
Gooday. This is the Happy Families Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
The school holidays have been wrapping up around the country
over the last week or thereabouts, depending on which state
you're in. Kylie and I were able to sneak away
for a week with.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Not all the kids. Our family's changing, Our family holidays
are shifting. Kids have got.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Part time jobs and full time jobs and university study
and it's really affecting how we holiday. In just a
sec for our Old Do Better Tomorrow, Kylee will unpack
something about that holiday that was meaningful for her.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Plus what do you do.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
When your child is having an absolute meltdown because they've
had the time of their life and now it's time
to get back into the car. That's my Older Better
Tomorrow coming up in just a sec, plus some other
big news that's happening around the country.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Stay with us.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Hello and welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. It's real
parenting solutions every single day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
We are Justin and Kylie Colson.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Kylie as I seem to be doing more and more
often on a Friday. There's so much going on outside
of Older Better Tomorrow that just needs to be flagged
really quickly. Just wanted to highlight next week New South
Wales HSC exams start year twelve exams just around the corner.
Other states will be starting there's shortly as well, but
New South Wales kicks off first.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
That's big news.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Also big news this week in our family, at least
with our swifty daughter who just can't get enough. Taylor
Swift's new album has dropped. The stereo has been playing NonStop.
I feel like we've had wall to wall Taylor Swift all.
I've been away for most of the week. I've been
in Perth for most of the week doing talks. But
every time I ring, every time I hear her, every
(01:39):
time I've walked into the house when I have been home,
it's NonStop Taytay and no. I think that's all the news.
I think that's everything. Is there anything before we step
into Your Older Better Tomorrow that I should be mentioning?
That's been big, that needs to be highlighted. I don't
think so, Okay, what's your Older Better Tomorrow?
Speaker 1 (01:56):
This week?
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Over the years, we've talked about whether or not returning
to a holiday destination is a good idea or not.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
My mum has such strong opinions. She's tried to indoctrinate
me and basically said, you never want to go back
to the same place for a second time. You want
to have new experiences. There's so much of the world
out there, you've got to explore it all.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
Why would you go back, is what she says.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Why why that's right?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Why would you go somewhere you've already been, You've already
seen it?
Speaker 1 (02:25):
How boring, Let's go do something new.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
And yet I have vivid memories of being in my
teenage years and having my friends go off to the
same camp site, for instance, every September.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
Holidays and probably bump into the same other families who
are all showing up. So they've got this annual friendship renewals.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Yeah, and they meet up, they meet new friends there
who have the same traditions, and those friendships blossom. But
they also go with families that they have friendships with
in their local communities as well. And I just used
to listen to them so excited because they were going
to catch up with this friend they haven't seen twelve months,
or you know, they were going to go hang out
(03:05):
at the special rock place that only the kids knew
about and the parents didn't or whatever it was. And
so you and I have had conversations for a long
time about whether or not we should kind of create
that tradition for our kids or not. And because of
where you've come from, it hasn't really been a plus
in our conversations. But what I have found joy in
(03:26):
is returning home. For the majority of our girls, Woollongong
was their childhood home. It was the place that they
grew up and being a much smaller community, we weren't
surrounded by grandparents and aunties and uncles, so the community
filled the gap for them in that regard, and over
the years we have gone back. But what I found
(03:49):
this time there was just there was a difference. Going back.
It literally felt like we were home. We were enveloped
again in the community, and there there were these moments
where I was literally sitting and it was all I
was having this outer body experience, and I was like
deja vous as I remembered all of these beautiful moments
where the community came together and just swallowed us up
(04:10):
in love and joy, and just watching our children re
engage in that space and see people so excited and
so energized and engaged and so invested in our children's
success in life.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah, reuniting was really really nice. Something about this that
I didn't tell you, unless I don't think I told you,
is you went to your old message therapist. You wanted
to go and have a catch up with your message therapist,
get a massage, and prepare for the trip home. And
while you were doing that, I took our twenty one
year old daughter. She said, can you just drive me
past my old netball courts. So we jumped in the
(04:47):
car and as we were driving along, she said, I
remember Chanel used to go to school there, and I
remember this store over here. We did this like all
along the way. She was pointing to this street or
that landmark of whatever it was, and she had all
these memories. So halfway along the road she said, I've
got a pretty good memory, haven't I done? Because we've
been gone for a decade, but we also lived there
for a decade, and these were the children's formative years.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
It was.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
It was really nice to go back and have that experience.
I'd like to go back regularly. I love that Woollongong
so underrated, The whole Woongong region is so underrated. What
a great place.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
While we were there, you actually introduced to me to
one of your absolute loves. Right you took my bike.
Oh oh, you put me on the road.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
I was thinking, I don't remember eating anywhere. I thought
you were going to talk about chickos and getting the
chicken burger or something like that.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Yeah, we did. We went for a ride through the
Royal National.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Park and it was that was a highlight. That was
really lovely. I remember all of those mornings that I
would wake up all by myself because you'd got up
at the crack of dawn to hang out with your like.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Reclad buddies who all shaved their legs and hang around
in here.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
What was your sparrows Farts?
Speaker 2 (05:57):
We got home before all the sparrows were popping off,
so it was the Sparrows Fart Cycle Club. Because we
meet each other at four fifteen to get our rights,
because we had wives who didn't like us riding our bikes,
and so we had to get our early bike ride in.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
And over the last handful of months we've started riding
together and I've really really enjoyed it. But riding down
there was really special and I could see why it
had been such a joy point for you.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
You mean you could understand why I would get out
of better before I can leave you?
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Yes, yes, and I would like to do it again.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
That view from Bald Hill over the Seacliff Bridge. For
anyone who hasn't been to the Elora, just just googled
the images and if you live.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
In the Elora, you know what we're talking about.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
It's just just magic. While we're talking about bike riding again,
this isn't part of our old bit of tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Now.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
I guess you're old the better tomorrow to take home messages.
It's good to go back to places that you've been before.
I think it is you're saying, my mum's right. This
podcast is you're clap back against your mother and lawa.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Is that what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
You talk about the conversation that you had with our
twenty two year old as she drove past all of
these places, and just the remembrance and the joy that comes,
like she wanted to go past a network place. That
place was hell for me. It was freezing cold. I
was sitting on the sidelines, rocking a baby in a pram,
(07:17):
totally wrapped up in every layer I had because it
was that cold and she was out there having so
much fun.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Big smile on a face.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Yeah, and she remembers that that's special and that's something
that you want to allow your children to relive.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Yeah. Yeah, it was a good trip.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
After the break, I'm going to share another quick cycling
story from you and then my older better tomorrow about
a child who did not want to leave and how
we navigated that like pride. It's The Happy Family's podcast.
This is doctor Justin Kilsner, who my wife from Under
(07:57):
our six kids, missus Happy Families, Kylie. Just before I
share my i'ld do better tomorrow, I want to quickly
highlight if you are driving a car and you see
a cyclist, please be gentle, please be nice. Kylie and
I love to ride our bike, but we spent some
time on the New South walest Central coast where I
grew up. We hung out with my parents for a
couple of days. The kids were having a ball on
(08:18):
the coast and Kylie and I went for a ride
and somehow, I don't know what was going on, Kylie,
but I was in front of you, which is unusual
because you usually ride in front of me.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
You're much faster than me.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
And what happened like the front tire caught the lip
of the bitchmen. You sort of were half in the
gunter and half on the bitchmen, trying to stay out
of the way, stay on the shoulder of the road.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Yeah, yeah, a bit like that.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
And you went down and fell.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Into our first blood sacrifice.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Fell into the road, and there was a car coming.
Fortunately they hit the brakes well before they got to you.
But a scary moment.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
So a meter matters.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
That is not a paid sponsorship. That is just we
had a close call. And you've been feeling a bit
the worse for wear for the last week because there was.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
There was blood on the road. There was blood down
your leg.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
You don't bounce so much when you're nearly fifty, no,
like you do when you're two.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Body is stiffened up a bit more. Yeah. Yeah, So I'm.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Really glad that you're okay and that you still want
to ride a bike. Given how much I spent on
that bike, I'm very glad that you want.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
To keep on writing it. Okay, here's my old bedit tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
I can do this one fairly quickly, but it's a
really important one, and there's some great lessons here. We
don't always get this stuff right. Sometimes we're a bit emotional.
Sometimes we're a bit tired and over it. And even
though I've written all the books and you and I've
recorded like fifteen hundred podcasts, now, Kylie, sometimes you just
kind of get to the point where you're like, I
don't I don't care what the books say, just do
as you're told.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
With the kids. So last what was it last Friday.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Morning or something like that, we got up at five o'clock,
I packed the car and by six am we were
getting ready for our soon to be twelve thirteen hour
drive back to the Sunshine Coast from then yourself a
central coast. It shouldn't take that long, but we knew
that with a long weekend come up, that it.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
Was just it was going to be tricky.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
We're going to get to Brisbane if we were lucky,
and then have traffic all the way with the Sunshine Coast.
So we're getting in the car, the kids getting in
the car, and all of a sudden, Emily, our eleven
year old, just had a meltdown.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
I don't want to go. I want to stay with
my cousin.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
I want to stay with that and Pop, I want
to keep on having all the fun that I've been having.
I like it here more than I like it at home.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
It doesn't have anything to do with the fact that
her now lets her do whatever she wants.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Yeah, like when we had a couple of days and
left the kids with mum, I'm pretty sure there were approximately.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
How many boundaries? Zero That's what I thought, zero boundaries.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
And yet we're grateful that our parents are willing to
look after the kids, and so we're not going to
kick up big fuss about that. We're just going to
say thank you.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Well, you know, I know I'm hijacking your story.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
I do it to you all the time.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
But we talk about this a lot, and we've had
lots of questions over the years.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
About We've done a lot of pods on this.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Topic, boundaries and grandparents. But again, maybe because we're at
the other end of parents and not the beginning of
our journey. But I just love that your mum's this beautiful,
soft place for the kids and she gets to give
them so much joy. And yes, it is frustrating and
it's hard when they come home and there's all these
(11:14):
meltdowns and big emotions because and sugar withdrawal. We are
setting the boundaries again. But isn't that what grandparents are
supposed to do. They're supposed to just fill them up
with love and joy and they know that when they
go there, they're going to be absolutely the most important
person in their world.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I'm racking my brain trying to remember what I did
the other day within the our granddaughter. But she now
looked at me and she's like, you would never have
done that with us, You would never have let us
get away with that.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
And I looked at her up she.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Was pushing the washing basket along our brand new floors.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Oh that's right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, And I
just laughed and said, yeah, but she's my granddaughter.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
She can do it.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
And she knows, like this is so un fair. I'm like,
I know, but how good is it? I'm really enjoying
the double standard. I think that grandparents are allowed a
certain level of hypocrisy.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
That's what I've decided. Never also the.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
One that says I've changed enough nappies, I'm now a
great parent. I don't have to did that come from?
Speaker 2 (12:08):
And I share my story because this is going to
This is going to blow out to twenty minutes otherwise, Kylie.
We tried to get Emily in the car and she
really didn't want to get in the car. I was
going to drag her to the car and carry her
to the car, and just thought, no, that's not how
it works, and so we coaxed it to the car miserably,
and she got in the car and she was boiling
her eyes out and it was the six am. I've
(12:29):
only just woken up, cry, I know what go, And
it was loud and it was enduring, and Mum was
trying to convince her that she needed to go, and
there was a whole lot of logic conversation going on,
but this was just an understanding conversation. But the car
door closed and you hopped in the back seat next
to her, and we put our elder daughter Ella, who
(12:51):
was twenty one, into the front seat and we'd gone
about two hundred meters when fifteen year old Lily just said,
she's being ridiculous. We've got to go home. This is
just ridiculous. Can you just tell her to stop it?
Can she just be quiet?
Speaker 1 (13:03):
And like she was being really really cranky.
Speaker 3 (13:05):
Well, she wasn't just crying by that stage.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
She was like, I don't want to go.
Speaker 3 (13:09):
I don't want to go.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
It was a lot, I mean it was. It was
a lot.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
It had been going on for a few minutes by then,
and I just I just paused, and I so badly
wanted to pull the car over and just say, you
know what, stay, I don't want you to come home either.
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Just.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
But instead I said to Lily.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
She's only eleven, and she really misses her grandparents and
her cousin, and she really doesn't want to go.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
And I get that you.
Speaker 2 (13:34):
Find it inconvenient, so do I. But I was eleven
once and I felt like that, and so were you.
And then I had this remembrance, I said to her, Kylie,
when you and I were engaged to be married, there
was only a couple months ago. I was living in
mad Eyes, were working as a radio announcer. You were
living in Brisbane with your parents, and I flew down
to spend a couple of days, maybe across the Christmas
(13:57):
break or something with you and your family. And when
it was time for me to fly back to Mount iSER,
I remember walking through security and then walking onto the airplane.
I'm like, at any moment, now, Kylie's going to come
dashing down and say, don't go.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
And I remember trying to think what movie had you watched?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
No, no movies was for that moment in my mind.
And then as we're taching, I'm thinking, at any moment,
the pilot's going to say, I'm sorry, we need to
we need to return to the terminal because Kylie wants
justin to stay.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
You were thinking I was going to fly up and
meet you in the sky.
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Like as we're roaring down the runway, but take off,
I'm thinking he's going to hit the brakes at any moment.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
I'm not actually going to take off. I am staying.
I am staying. And then I ended up in Mount
iSER and I shared that story.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
With Well, finish it off with Lily, Well.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
What were you doing while you're in there thinking all
of those things?
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Oh, I was having a big cry. I was having
a big cry. I missed you.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
But I said to Lily, I was twenty one or
twenty two years old when that was happening, and it
just broke my heart and I sobbed on this airplane
because I didn't want to leave.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
My soon to be wife.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
I said, We've got little Emily in the back seat,
and she just wants to stay with her cousin and
her grandparents. She's having those same feelings and they're normal
and they're natural, and we just need to let her
have those feelings. And two things happened. Number One, Lily softened.
There was that empathy, that perspective that she needed. But
Emily calmed down as well. Number One, I think she
(15:27):
enjoyed the story and hearing about how the plane did
actually take off and how I couldn't understand why you
would leave me. But more than that, I think she
felt understood. She felt seen and heard and valued, She
felt connected, and she was able to regulate her emotions.
In fact, that was the last sobbing we had for
the entire trip. It only lasted a couple of minutes.
(15:48):
I think that I mean might take her messages. Empathy
is powerful. Empathy and perspective are powerful. They stop you
from getting mad at the kids. It helps you to
have some compassion to join them in their suffering. But
it also helps.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Those around you or around.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
The upset child to recognize that we all have these moments,
we all have these big emotions from time to time.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
So you're going to take credit for calming her down
when it was my hugs and cuddles that did. Is
that what you're going to do?
Speaker 1 (16:18):
It was a team effort. It was a team effort.
It's serious.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
It was a team Believe that you're taking taking credit
for my brilliant empathy.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
Hey, I was sitting in the back seat. For goodness sakes,
I got to get some credit there.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Roland from
Bridge Media. Mim Hammonds provides admin, research and other support.
We really appreciate both Justin and Mim for all.
Speaker 1 (16:41):
The work that they do.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Have a great weekend. Thanks so much for choosing to
listen to the podcast. We hope that these ideas will
help your family to be happier and we'll be back
on Monday with more of The Happy Famili's podcasts.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Y
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