November 23, 2025 • 19 mins
What if the secret to calmer kids, stronger families, and better mental health was free—and we’re the only country ignoring it? In this episode, Justin and Kylie make a bold case for bringing Thanksgiving to Australia… minus the turkey. Discover the neuroscience of gratitude, why it’s a proven buffer against anxiety and depression, and how one simple family ritual can transform your year.
KEY POINTS
- The surprising research: gratitude can reduce mortality by 9% and dramatically improve mental health.
- How gratitude rewires the brain—calming the amygdala and boosting emotional connection.
- Why Australians struggle with vulnerability, ritual, and expressed appreciation.
- How a simple gratitude practice can shift your home from reactive to relational.
- Easy, meaningful ways to host “Australian Thanksgiving” without any fuss.
- The power of modelling gratitude for kids (and why lectures never work).
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“We can’t control what happens to us, but we can control where we place our attention—and gratitude changes everything.”
RESOURCES MENTIONED
- Harvard gratitude research (2024)
- Neuroscience findings on the ACC, medial prefrontal cortex & amygdala
- Kylie’s gratitude journal practice and gratitude tree idea
- 6 Science-Backed Benefits of Gratitude [Article]
- How Gratitude Can Make Your Family Happier [Podcast Article]
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
- Start a family ritual this week—one to three things you’re grateful for.
- Keep it kid-friendly: a gratitude tree, backyard dessert night, or paddle-pop party.
- Record your gratitude in a notebook or on your phone to revisit next year.
- Model vulnerability by sharing something meaningful, not just the generic stuff.
- Make it small, simple, and doable—the ritual matters more than the menu.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hello, this is the Happy Families Podcast. I'm doctor Justin Colson.
What if I told you that there is a scientifically
proven intervention that could make your family nine percent less
likely to die prematurely, that could reduce your kid's anxiety
and depression, and it would cost you absolutely nothing. Big
Farmer is not involved. You don't have to have a script,
(00:26):
you don't need to see the GP, you don't need
to take a tablet every day. Imagine if you could
get in a tablet what would that do? People would
pay money for this? And what if I told you
that Americans have been doing it for about four hundred years,
but we Australians are missing out. It's November twenty seven.
In a few days, kids are going to be finishing school,
Families are exhausted. Christmas stress is building. It's starting to
get hot. Meanwhile, across the Pacific, millions and millions and
(00:51):
millions of American families are gathering around tables. They're going
around sharing what they're grateful for, not because they're more
religious or more sentimental than us, because they've built a
ritual that science now prooves is transformative. Today, Kylie and
I are going to make the case that Australia should
adopt Thanksgiving. No, not the Turkey, not the Pilgrims, the
(01:13):
practice of deliberate, family centered gratitude. And I've got Harvard
research and a whole bunch of other great ideas to
back me up. Stay with us. Hello, this is a
Happy Family's podcast. Welcome along, So good to have you here.
If you knew, my name's doctor Justin Cours. I'm here
with my wife missus Happy Families, Kylie. We're the parents
of six kids and this is the podcast that gives
(01:34):
you real parenting solutions every single day. It's Astralia's most
downloaded parenting podcast. Kylie. Could be a provocative one, could
be a controversial one. But I'm making the argument today.
We are making the argument today Thanksgiving is good and
Australia should. I mean, we're happy to jump on board
with Halloween, which is meaningless enough enough sort of stuff
running around knocking on doors and asking for sugar. And
(01:55):
yet the one tradition that is really useful that Americans
are right into, we turn up our noses. We don't
really seem to like it, and there's good evidence for
why we should be doing it.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
We've been practicing gratitude with our kids since the beginning
of time, it feels like, and one of the one
of the favorite topics around the dinner table is what
are we grateful for? And we're supposed to share one thing,
but inevitably.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Oh like an hour and a half lays we're still
there in case for all go six daughters.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Hello, but I'm interested to know what the research says
about gratitude.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yeah, yeah, Actually, before I even complained about the six girls,
our son in law doesn't mind sharing what he's grateful
for as well. He thought it was really weird at first,
and now he just loves it. Let me tell you
about just a couple of recent findings. There is now
a couple of decades of really strong gratitude research. Study
published in twenty twenty four study from Harvard, nearly fifty
thousand nurses were tracked over a couple of years. Those
(02:51):
who scored highest on gratitude had nine percent lower mortality
from any cause. So this is not some dodgy online server.
This is published in one of the world's top medical journals.
Controlling for everything like health and religion and lifestyle and
involvement in life like social relationships, even optimism. Can you
imagine if there was a pill that reduced your risk
(03:13):
of death by nine percent, people will be paying big
dollars for this. Right, this is legit, but this is free,
and so therefore people aren't doing it. Just paying attention
to what you're grateful for. Another study, neuroscience data seems
to show that when we express gratitude, it lights up
something known as the acc the anterior singular cortex and
also the medial prefrontal cortex. I know, I just had
a whole bunch of big woods that nobody really cares about.
(03:34):
I'm so sorry, But these are the brain regions that
we use for moral reasoning. They're the brain reasons that
we use for emotional connection. In other words, gratitude helps
us to connect with people better and it makes us
more moral. What's really interesting is gratitude also reduces activity
in the amigdala, which is the brains.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Oh, I know what the amig dealor is because inside
out talks all.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Right, yeah, a warning warning. It's the alarm system that
goes off. There's a threat we need to worry, and
so when gratitude is present, then our amigndaler calms down,
which means that our body produces fewer inflammatory markers, which
is the stuff that causes chronic illness and heart disease
and accelerated aging. So basically, your brain physically changes when
you practice gratitude. That's what we call neuroplasticity. It's not
(04:16):
will woo, positive thinking neurons that fire together, wire together.
And therefore, every time that you consciously notice, acknowledged, recognize
step in two, an awareness of something good, you're literally
building new neural pathways and they are healthy ones. I
know I've gone on a long time, but one more
quick study that I just wanted to share. This is
another twenty twenty four study. There's a couple of meta
(04:39):
analyses actually that have come out in the last year
or two showing that gratitude interventions reduce anxiety, that reduce depression,
They improve life satisfaction. If you're grateful, you tend to
exercise more, sleep better, you consume less alcohol. Pretty much
in every single facet of life. We see improvements for
people who are practicing gratitude with literal g gratitude interventions. Right, students,
(05:03):
here's one for kids, students who are experiencing academic pressure
when they're going through their gratitude moments key predictor of
mental health, key predictor of mental well being. When you
look at the youth statistics around mental health in Australia
at the moment, it's just horrible, right, anxiety, depression, suicide rates.
We're desperately trying everything. Meanwhile we've got this evidence based,
(05:24):
really simple answer right in front of us, and everyone's like, oh'
looking to do gratitude? How lame. It's like, no, Hello,
this stuff actually works, and you know who it works
best for the people with the biggest struggles.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Yeah, it's interesting. I remember a couple of times after
having children and going through abouts of postnatal depression, and
your mum actually was the one who brought me a
gratitude journal and she said, I just want you to
write three things every day that you're grateful for.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
And sometimes it feels like such a struggle.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
The first time I did it, I honestly I couldn't
think of anything. My life felt so hard, and I
rang and I said, I can't do this, like I
just I can't think about like I can't find anything.
I can't think of anything. And she said, Kylie, even
if it's just you're grateful that you can feel the
warmth of the sun on your skin. And so for
(06:12):
the first probably week or so, it was things like that,
I'm grateful that the sun shining, or I'm grateful for
the flower and the garden, like they were.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Just really it's not exactly deep stuff.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Generic things, but over a period of time it enabled
me to start to see things that actually were meaningful,
that actually did have depth and purpose in my life
that I couldn't see before because my brain was so
trained to just see all the bad.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Right. And it's one of those things, right, if you've
got a teenager who's having a hard time and you say, well,
just tell me something you're grateful for, they're going to
slam the door in your face.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Like, it's one of those really tricky ones where people
who are struggling do not want to and do not
feel like they actually can. It's kind of I can't,
I can't find anything. I'm going totally makes sense. I'm
not on anyone's case here, but if we can make
the extra effort, something happens. The data is that the
scientific evidence on this is pretty robust. I did my
PhD in positive psychology and I've really walked away from
(07:11):
most of what positive psychology is. I think it's been
commercialized within an inch of it's life, and the promises
of positive psychology have not been delivered as a general rule.
But there is one outstanding exception. There's actually a couple
of outstanding exceptions, but the one that always stands out
to me is gratitude. The evidence here is really really robust.
There are a lot of studies in this area. It works,
(07:32):
It makes a difference in.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Every case where I've struggled mentally and emotionally, it has
been the act of practicing gratitude that has been the
beginning of helping me get out of that big dark hole.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
So after the break, I'm going to make the argument.
Maybe we together will make the argument for why Australia
needs this and how we can actually make it happen.
Stay with us. This is the Happy Families podcast, Real
parenting solutions every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast.
(08:07):
If you're enjoying the pod, please share it with your friends,
Please like it, Please leave a five star rating and review.
It helps other people to find the podcast and make
their families happier. Kylie let's talk about Australia culturally. Culturally
gratitude and Thanksgiving, we just push back against it. I mean,
we love the commercialization of Halloween, but the idea that
we would get into Thanksgiving. Every time I bring it
(08:29):
up with the Strains, they literally just they're like, get real,
Like there's a real.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
I think that it doesn't feel like it's got substance.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Which is so funny, But Australians and I I'm grateful people, no,
And I.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Watch this though, because you and I have been very
intentional over the years of expressing gratitude to the people
that matter at most in our lives. And I would
say that the majority of people who find themselves in
front of somebody expressing real, meaningful gratitude really struggle that
(09:04):
they're not comfortable sitting in that space, Like it's it
really pushes boundaries that they're.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
There's a level of vulnerability around it that Australians I
think are really uncomfortable. I think also Australians can get
really cynical when someone gets sentimental. They're like, oh, what
do you want or what's your angle? And we've got
tall poppy syndrome as well, right, like top poppy syndrome.
People feel very uncomfortable expressing appreciation or having appreciation expressed
about them, and we're not really a very ritualized country,
(09:35):
like we sort of push back against that sort of stuff.
I just I think Thanksgiving solves so many challenges that
we have here, and especially at this time of the year,
the years winding down, the Christmas madness hasn't kicked in.
It just feels like it's the right time. It's spring,
so you can have a barbecue out the back. Forget
the turkey. No Australian really likes turkey, but we love
(09:56):
a barbecue, right, get the barbie fired up, and nothing
else is really competing for attention. I just I'm really
big on it. I think there's arguments for it.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
One of the biggest arguments I think for Thanksgiving is
it actually just teaches our kids to be grateful. And
I don't know any parent out there who wouldn't be
grateful to have some more gratitude expressed.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Yeah, yeah, well that you do for them, Like you
can't just say kids be grateful. That just never works.
But when they see it modeled and when there's that
rich ritual where gratitude is practiced, not preach like we
do it every week in our home, sometimes every day
in our home, but a lot of families. I've sat
with people and they've come into a home and they've
(10:38):
experienced that gratitude circle that we do and they're like,
never seen anything like that before. That just felt beautiful,
Like people, Oh my goodness, it just feels so good.
And when you get the entire family, hopefully if the
whole family's near you sitting around the table, like you
got your parents, you got the kids, you got the grandparents,
they're sharing a couple of things that they're grateful for
in the last year. That's pretty I mean, it's pretty deep.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
So we do generalize gratitude things. But then on birthdays,
we actually share what we're grateful for about about that
individual people. And I recently celebrated my birthday and one
of my children she actually shared that one of the
things that she was grateful for was the way in
which I express my gratitude to the people that are
important in my life.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
I'm grateful for your gratitude.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
And she reminded me of a time where I was
really trying hard to practice gratitude and I took fourteen days,
I did two weeks worth. Every morning I woke up,
I wrote ten things I loved about one specific person.
And once I'd gone through that process, I thought, what's
(11:41):
the best way that I could gift to this So sorry.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Let me say it again. You've got fourteen friends, and
you're right, ten things that you love about them, ten
things you're grateful for about them each.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Yeah, so one hundred and forty things in total. Yeah,
ten things per person. Okay? Cool?
Speaker 2 (11:56):
And so I decided at the last minute that instead
of just sending it in a card to them, that
I would actually take the time to go and sit
with them and share those things with them. And my daughter,
as she was sharing, she remembered that experience and remembered
me sharing the experiences I got to share with people
(12:17):
that are so meaningful to me and have had such
an impact in my life. But we don't often take
the time to explain and express in detail why. We'll
often say thank you, or you know, that was amazing.
I really appreciate your help.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Yeah, but I'm grateful to you because of A B, C, D, E, F, G, H.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
I, n J. This is how you impact my life
on a really personal level. And I was so grateful
for her remembering that because it brought it to my
remembrance and it just made me save with those friendships
even more.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Well, I'm so grateful that you're grateful that she remembered that,
and now that you remember that, because now we can
all be grateful that you did that. I love it.
Gratitude just feels so good. I want to move us
toward a conclusion, and we need to wrap this up.
The benefits from my point of view, are that kids
get to hear family members, parents, grandparents, siblings, sharing their perspectives,
their vulnerabilities, their appreciation, their recognition.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
It just becomes a normal part of conversation.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yeah yeah, yeah, and so long as you don't get
too formulaic about it. I mean we used to be like,
what are your three things? Okay? Next? What are your
three things? Okay next? Whereas now the first thing might
lead to a five minute conversation and then we're like, oh,
hang on, we've got to go back. What are your
other things? What else are you grateful for? And there's
just it becomes this beautiful thing where everyone starts to
notice good things, and you know what, you can also
(13:35):
be grateful for bad things. I think that it is
really important to highlight that we always focus on how
we're grateful for all this good stuff, but I often
like to reflect on the things that have happened that
are horrible that I'm grateful for as well. Like I
wish that I hadn't broken my neck in my back
in that surfing accident. I know that it really scared
a lot of people when that happened a couple of
years ago, but I'm really grateful number one, that I'm okay.
(13:56):
But number two, I'm grateful for how it helped me
to be grateful for my physical life ability going through
that hard thing, helping me to realize just how fortunate
I am, how good my life is, because I've got
that capacity. We talk about how Australia is a great country.
We call it the lucky country for a reason, right, Well,
like it's we are so fortunate to live here, grateful
(14:17):
to be able to sit around the table with people
and listen to them. I gave my mama call the
other day and said, Mamma, I'm just calling you because
I can. Because she's lost both of her parents, and
my dad's lost both of both of his and I
know one day that's going to be me. One day
I'm not going to be able to ring my mum.
And I just said I can ring you, and that's
such a privilege. I'm so grateful that I can. I
don't want to let that go. So that's why I'm
(14:38):
ringing you, because you and my mom, I love you
and I'm really grateful for you. And I just wanted
you to know that because I can tell you that today,
I can actually tell you. So I think it just
builds family connections. Do you need a special day for it? No,
of course not. Can you do it and if you want, yeah,
of course you can. But having that special day, I
just like it. So let's wrap this up by talking
about how we can make it happen. What it could
(14:59):
look like. I reckon have a barbecue, forget the roast turkey.
I already highlighted that. I reckon go to the beach,
or go down to the local park, or have a
backyard gathering. If you've got different traditions, multicultural traditions, just
bring that to the table and find ways to be
grateful for it. What else, Kyle, You've got to send
out the invites it's Thursday night. There's only a few
days to go. But who cares? Start small? Just do
(15:22):
it right, Like it's the last Thursday of November. So
just say this Thursday night, we didn't have any plans,
Now we do. We're going to do Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Maybe just have a lickety stick activity in the backyard.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
What activity a lickety stick? I don't think paddle pops.
We've been married for twenty eight and a half, twenty
nine years. I don't think I've ever heard you say
lickety stick activity.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
What is that? I just said, paddle pops in the backyard.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Oh so literally, just say for Thanksgiving, we're going to
get together and have just desert in the backyard.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah, Like, it doesn't have to be a big deal
for people who have I had that. Number one. You
have so many people that you want to invite over
and it's going to be a major event, or if
it's not, it's something that's quite uncomfortable or foreign to
you to actually do the expressing. You could just have
a gratitude tree and you could actually, you know, kind
of write things and attach it to the tree and
(16:13):
everyone gets to read them. So you're still having the experience.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Three years ago. We did, and it's beautiful and it
was great because every time we walked past the lemon
tree that was in the front door, we see this
lemon tree full of labels and tags that we'd stuck
on the tree or tight on to the tree, and
it was like, that tree is full of all these
labels and tags of things that our family is grateful for. Yeah,
it was really really great.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
So whatever it looks like, I think it's just about
being intentional.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Yeah, I'd say three things. Number one, you want to
make it kid friendly. Number two, you want to record
it somehow so that you can look back and say, oh, yeah,
this is the stuff that we were grateful for last year. Like,
imagine next year you're saying, last year we said this,
What about this year? Where are we at? Here's the conversation,
I think the conversation starter. After everyone's eaten, just go
around and share one or two or three things grateful
(17:00):
for from last year. One person who made a difference
in your life, and one thing that you're looking forward
to in the coming year. One thing that you're looking
forward to being grateful for. A future anticipated schedule of gratitude.
If you like for me, that's what it's all about.
If your family is dealing with conflict, I think this
can be a bonding experience. It's not about pretending problems
(17:23):
don't exist. It's about saying, were changing your focus.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Yeah it was problems everywhere, there's hard everywhere. Love it.
But we can either focus on that or we can
focus on goodness. And goodness is going to show us
the sunshine more than the rain.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
And if people say that they're too busy, I'm just
going to call it. I'm going to have a microp
moment here. Provocative, but takes an hour, two hours once
a year to do this. How many hours of Netflix
did you watch this week? How many hours of TikTok
or in Sacramer you scroll this week? Find the time
this stuff actually works. Reality is, we can't control a
(17:58):
lot of stuff that happens to us. We can't prevent
illness and loss and hardship. It's going to happen, it's
going to hit us. But we can control our attention.
We can decide to notice what we are grateful for
in our lives. We can get our families together, we
can practice gratitude together. So our challenge is make Thanksgiving
twenty twenty five. Happen in your house this Thursday night,
(18:19):
the final Thursday of November. Put it in the calendar,
tell the family, invite your friends over. Make it happen,
even if it's not perfect, even if food's overcooked, even
if you're just having lickingy stick paddle pops in your backyard,
even if your teenage is wrong. They're rising going. This
is so long. We can't believe we have to do this.
Even if your dad comes over and makes inappropriate jokes,
(18:40):
don't worry about it. The point is you did it.
You've created a ritual, You've practiced gratitude as a family.
Because the science is clear. Americans stumbled on this like
four hundred years ago. Neuroscience is now proving it. They've
built a holiday around gratitude and family, and Australians are
pushing against it. I just can't comprehend it. We don't
need their history, we don't need their traditions. We can
do it anyway, but we would be fools not to
(19:02):
learn from this science. Thanksgiving twenty twenty five. We're all in,
how about you? The Happy Family's podcast is produced by
Justin Rouland from Bridge Media. MIM Hammond's provides additional research,
admin and other support. Thanks for listening. We hope that
you've got something out of this, and we hope that
this Thursday night you feel grateful in some special way.
(19:23):
We'll be back tomorrow with more on the Happy Families
podcast
Hello, this is the Happy Families Podcast. I'm doctor Justin Colson.
What if I told you that there is a scientifically
proven intervention that could make your family nine percent less
likely to die prematurely, that could reduce your kid's anxiety
and depression, and it would cost you absolutely nothing. Big
Farmer is not involved. You don't have to have a script,
(00:26):
you don't need to see the GP, you don't need
to take a tablet every day. Imagine if you could
get in a tablet what would that do? People would
pay money for this? And what if I told you
that Americans have been doing it for about four hundred years,
but we Australians are missing out. It's November twenty seven.
In a few days, kids are going to be finishing school,
Families are exhausted. Christmas stress is building. It's starting to
get hot. Meanwhile, across the Pacific, millions and millions and
(00:51):
millions of American families are gathering around tables. They're going
around sharing what they're grateful for, not because they're more
religious or more sentimental than us, because they've built a
ritual that science now prooves is transformative. Today, Kylie and
I are going to make the case that Australia should
adopt Thanksgiving. No, not the Turkey, not the Pilgrims, the
(01:13):
practice of deliberate, family centered gratitude. And I've got Harvard
research and a whole bunch of other great ideas to
back me up. Stay with us. Hello, this is a
Happy Family's podcast. Welcome along, So good to have you here.
If you knew, my name's doctor Justin Cours. I'm here
with my wife missus Happy Families, Kylie. We're the parents
of six kids and this is the podcast that gives
(01:34):
you real parenting solutions every single day. It's Astralia's most
downloaded parenting podcast. Kylie. Could be a provocative one, could
be a controversial one. But I'm making the argument today.
We are making the argument today Thanksgiving is good and
Australia should. I mean, we're happy to jump on board
with Halloween, which is meaningless enough enough sort of stuff
running around knocking on doors and asking for sugar. And
(01:55):
yet the one tradition that is really useful that Americans
are right into, we turn up our noses. We don't
really seem to like it, and there's good evidence for
why we should be doing it.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
We've been practicing gratitude with our kids since the beginning
of time, it feels like, and one of the one
of the favorite topics around the dinner table is what
are we grateful for? And we're supposed to share one thing,
but inevitably.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Oh like an hour and a half lays we're still
there in case for all go six daughters.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
Hello, but I'm interested to know what the research says
about gratitude.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Yeah, yeah, Actually, before I even complained about the six girls,
our son in law doesn't mind sharing what he's grateful
for as well. He thought it was really weird at first,
and now he just loves it. Let me tell you
about just a couple of recent findings. There is now
a couple of decades of really strong gratitude research. Study
published in twenty twenty four study from Harvard, nearly fifty
thousand nurses were tracked over a couple of years. Those
(02:51):
who scored highest on gratitude had nine percent lower mortality
from any cause. So this is not some dodgy online server.
This is published in one of the world's top medical journals.
Controlling for everything like health and religion and lifestyle and
involvement in life like social relationships, even optimism. Can you
imagine if there was a pill that reduced your risk
(03:13):
of death by nine percent, people will be paying big
dollars for this. Right, this is legit, but this is free,
and so therefore people aren't doing it. Just paying attention
to what you're grateful for. Another study, neuroscience data seems
to show that when we express gratitude, it lights up
something known as the acc the anterior singular cortex and
also the medial prefrontal cortex. I know, I just had
a whole bunch of big woods that nobody really cares about.
(03:34):
I'm so sorry, But these are the brain regions that
we use for moral reasoning. They're the brain reasons that
we use for emotional connection. In other words, gratitude helps
us to connect with people better and it makes us
more moral. What's really interesting is gratitude also reduces activity
in the amigdala, which is the brains.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Oh, I know what the amig dealor is because inside
out talks all.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Right, yeah, a warning warning. It's the alarm system that
goes off. There's a threat we need to worry, and
so when gratitude is present, then our amigndaler calms down,
which means that our body produces fewer inflammatory markers, which
is the stuff that causes chronic illness and heart disease
and accelerated aging. So basically, your brain physically changes when
you practice gratitude. That's what we call neuroplasticity. It's not
(04:16):
will woo, positive thinking neurons that fire together, wire together.
And therefore, every time that you consciously notice, acknowledged, recognize
step in two, an awareness of something good, you're literally
building new neural pathways and they are healthy ones. I
know I've gone on a long time, but one more
quick study that I just wanted to share. This is
another twenty twenty four study. There's a couple of meta
(04:39):
analyses actually that have come out in the last year
or two showing that gratitude interventions reduce anxiety, that reduce depression,
They improve life satisfaction. If you're grateful, you tend to
exercise more, sleep better, you consume less alcohol. Pretty much
in every single facet of life. We see improvements for
people who are practicing gratitude with literal g gratitude interventions. Right, students,
(05:03):
here's one for kids, students who are experiencing academic pressure
when they're going through their gratitude moments key predictor of
mental health, key predictor of mental well being. When you
look at the youth statistics around mental health in Australia
at the moment, it's just horrible, right, anxiety, depression, suicide rates.
We're desperately trying everything. Meanwhile we've got this evidence based,
(05:24):
really simple answer right in front of us, and everyone's like, oh'
looking to do gratitude? How lame. It's like, no, Hello,
this stuff actually works, and you know who it works
best for the people with the biggest struggles.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Yeah, it's interesting. I remember a couple of times after
having children and going through abouts of postnatal depression, and
your mum actually was the one who brought me a
gratitude journal and she said, I just want you to
write three things every day that you're grateful for.
Speaker 1 (05:50):
And sometimes it feels like such a struggle.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
The first time I did it, I honestly I couldn't
think of anything. My life felt so hard, and I
rang and I said, I can't do this, like I
just I can't think about like I can't find anything.
I can't think of anything. And she said, Kylie, even
if it's just you're grateful that you can feel the
warmth of the sun on your skin. And so for
(06:12):
the first probably week or so, it was things like that,
I'm grateful that the sun shining, or I'm grateful for
the flower and the garden, like they were.
Speaker 1 (06:23):
Just really it's not exactly deep stuff.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Generic things, but over a period of time it enabled
me to start to see things that actually were meaningful,
that actually did have depth and purpose in my life
that I couldn't see before because my brain was so
trained to just see all the bad.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Right. And it's one of those things, right, if you've
got a teenager who's having a hard time and you say, well,
just tell me something you're grateful for, they're going to
slam the door in your face.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
Like, it's one of those really tricky ones where people
who are struggling do not want to and do not
feel like they actually can. It's kind of I can't,
I can't find anything. I'm going totally makes sense. I'm
not on anyone's case here, but if we can make
the extra effort, something happens. The data is that the
scientific evidence on this is pretty robust. I did my
PhD in positive psychology and I've really walked away from
(07:11):
most of what positive psychology is. I think it's been
commercialized within an inch of it's life, and the promises
of positive psychology have not been delivered as a general rule.
But there is one outstanding exception. There's actually a couple
of outstanding exceptions, but the one that always stands out
to me is gratitude. The evidence here is really really robust.
There are a lot of studies in this area. It works,
(07:32):
It makes a difference in.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Every case where I've struggled mentally and emotionally, it has
been the act of practicing gratitude that has been the
beginning of helping me get out of that big dark hole.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
So after the break, I'm going to make the argument.
Maybe we together will make the argument for why Australia
needs this and how we can actually make it happen.
Stay with us. This is the Happy Families podcast, Real
parenting solutions every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast.
(08:07):
If you're enjoying the pod, please share it with your friends,
Please like it, Please leave a five star rating and review.
It helps other people to find the podcast and make
their families happier. Kylie let's talk about Australia culturally. Culturally
gratitude and Thanksgiving, we just push back against it. I mean,
we love the commercialization of Halloween, but the idea that
we would get into Thanksgiving. Every time I bring it
(08:29):
up with the Strains, they literally just they're like, get real,
Like there's a real.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
I think that it doesn't feel like it's got substance.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Which is so funny, But Australians and I I'm grateful people, no,
And I.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Watch this though, because you and I have been very
intentional over the years of expressing gratitude to the people
that matter at most in our lives. And I would
say that the majority of people who find themselves in
front of somebody expressing real, meaningful gratitude really struggle that
(09:04):
they're not comfortable sitting in that space, Like it's it
really pushes boundaries that they're.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
There's a level of vulnerability around it that Australians I
think are really uncomfortable. I think also Australians can get
really cynical when someone gets sentimental. They're like, oh, what
do you want or what's your angle? And we've got
tall poppy syndrome as well, right, like top poppy syndrome.
People feel very uncomfortable expressing appreciation or having appreciation expressed
about them, and we're not really a very ritualized country,
(09:35):
like we sort of push back against that sort of stuff.
I just I think Thanksgiving solves so many challenges that
we have here, and especially at this time of the year,
the years winding down, the Christmas madness hasn't kicked in.
It just feels like it's the right time. It's spring,
so you can have a barbecue out the back. Forget
the turkey. No Australian really likes turkey, but we love
(09:56):
a barbecue, right, get the barbie fired up, and nothing
else is really competing for attention. I just I'm really
big on it. I think there's arguments for it.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
One of the biggest arguments I think for Thanksgiving is
it actually just teaches our kids to be grateful. And
I don't know any parent out there who wouldn't be
grateful to have some more gratitude expressed.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
Yeah, yeah, well that you do for them, Like you
can't just say kids be grateful. That just never works.
But when they see it modeled and when there's that
rich ritual where gratitude is practiced, not preach like we
do it every week in our home, sometimes every day
in our home, but a lot of families. I've sat
with people and they've come into a home and they've
(10:38):
experienced that gratitude circle that we do and they're like,
never seen anything like that before. That just felt beautiful,
Like people, Oh my goodness, it just feels so good.
And when you get the entire family, hopefully if the
whole family's near you sitting around the table, like you
got your parents, you got the kids, you got the grandparents,
they're sharing a couple of things that they're grateful for
in the last year. That's pretty I mean, it's pretty deep.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
So we do generalize gratitude things. But then on birthdays,
we actually share what we're grateful for about about that
individual people. And I recently celebrated my birthday and one
of my children she actually shared that one of the
things that she was grateful for was the way in
which I express my gratitude to the people that are
important in my life.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
I'm grateful for your gratitude.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
And she reminded me of a time where I was
really trying hard to practice gratitude and I took fourteen days,
I did two weeks worth. Every morning I woke up,
I wrote ten things I loved about one specific person.
And once I'd gone through that process, I thought, what's
(11:41):
the best way that I could gift to this So sorry.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Let me say it again. You've got fourteen friends, and
you're right, ten things that you love about them, ten
things you're grateful for about them each.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Yeah, so one hundred and forty things in total. Yeah,
ten things per person. Okay? Cool?
Speaker 2 (11:56):
And so I decided at the last minute that instead
of just sending it in a card to them, that
I would actually take the time to go and sit
with them and share those things with them. And my daughter,
as she was sharing, she remembered that experience and remembered
me sharing the experiences I got to share with people
(12:17):
that are so meaningful to me and have had such
an impact in my life. But we don't often take
the time to explain and express in detail why. We'll
often say thank you, or you know, that was amazing.
I really appreciate your help.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Yeah, but I'm grateful to you because of A B, C, D, E, F, G, H.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
I, n J. This is how you impact my life
on a really personal level. And I was so grateful
for her remembering that because it brought it to my
remembrance and it just made me save with those friendships
even more.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Well, I'm so grateful that you're grateful that she remembered that,
and now that you remember that, because now we can
all be grateful that you did that. I love it.
Gratitude just feels so good. I want to move us
toward a conclusion, and we need to wrap this up.
The benefits from my point of view, are that kids
get to hear family members, parents, grandparents, siblings, sharing their perspectives,
their vulnerabilities, their appreciation, their recognition.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
It just becomes a normal part of conversation.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Yeah yeah, yeah, and so long as you don't get
too formulaic about it. I mean we used to be like,
what are your three things? Okay? Next? What are your
three things? Okay next? Whereas now the first thing might
lead to a five minute conversation and then we're like, oh,
hang on, we've got to go back. What are your
other things? What else are you grateful for? And there's
just it becomes this beautiful thing where everyone starts to
notice good things, and you know what, you can also
(13:35):
be grateful for bad things. I think that it is
really important to highlight that we always focus on how
we're grateful for all this good stuff, but I often
like to reflect on the things that have happened that
are horrible that I'm grateful for as well. Like I
wish that I hadn't broken my neck in my back
in that surfing accident. I know that it really scared
a lot of people when that happened a couple of
years ago, but I'm really grateful number one, that I'm okay.
(13:56):
But number two, I'm grateful for how it helped me
to be grateful for my physical life ability going through
that hard thing, helping me to realize just how fortunate
I am, how good my life is, because I've got
that capacity. We talk about how Australia is a great country.
We call it the lucky country for a reason, right, Well,
like it's we are so fortunate to live here, grateful
(14:17):
to be able to sit around the table with people
and listen to them. I gave my mama call the
other day and said, Mamma, I'm just calling you because
I can. Because she's lost both of her parents, and
my dad's lost both of both of his and I
know one day that's going to be me. One day
I'm not going to be able to ring my mum.
And I just said I can ring you, and that's
such a privilege. I'm so grateful that I can. I
don't want to let that go. So that's why I'm
(14:38):
ringing you, because you and my mom, I love you
and I'm really grateful for you. And I just wanted
you to know that because I can tell you that today,
I can actually tell you. So I think it just
builds family connections. Do you need a special day for it? No,
of course not. Can you do it and if you want, yeah,
of course you can. But having that special day, I
just like it. So let's wrap this up by talking
about how we can make it happen. What it could
(14:59):
look like. I reckon have a barbecue, forget the roast turkey.
I already highlighted that. I reckon go to the beach,
or go down to the local park, or have a
backyard gathering. If you've got different traditions, multicultural traditions, just
bring that to the table and find ways to be
grateful for it. What else, Kyle, You've got to send
out the invites it's Thursday night. There's only a few
days to go. But who cares? Start small? Just do
(15:22):
it right, Like it's the last Thursday of November. So
just say this Thursday night, we didn't have any plans,
Now we do. We're going to do Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Maybe just have a lickety stick activity in the backyard.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
What activity a lickety stick? I don't think paddle pops.
We've been married for twenty eight and a half, twenty
nine years. I don't think I've ever heard you say
lickety stick activity.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
What is that? I just said, paddle pops in the backyard.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Oh so literally, just say for Thanksgiving, we're going to
get together and have just desert in the backyard.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah, Like, it doesn't have to be a big deal
for people who have I had that. Number one. You
have so many people that you want to invite over
and it's going to be a major event, or if
it's not, it's something that's quite uncomfortable or foreign to
you to actually do the expressing. You could just have
a gratitude tree and you could actually, you know, kind
of write things and attach it to the tree and
(16:13):
everyone gets to read them. So you're still having the experience.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Three years ago. We did, and it's beautiful and it
was great because every time we walked past the lemon
tree that was in the front door, we see this
lemon tree full of labels and tags that we'd stuck
on the tree or tight on to the tree, and
it was like, that tree is full of all these
labels and tags of things that our family is grateful for. Yeah,
it was really really great.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
So whatever it looks like, I think it's just about
being intentional.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Yeah, I'd say three things. Number one, you want to
make it kid friendly. Number two, you want to record
it somehow so that you can look back and say, oh, yeah,
this is the stuff that we were grateful for last year. Like,
imagine next year you're saying, last year we said this,
What about this year? Where are we at? Here's the conversation,
I think the conversation starter. After everyone's eaten, just go
around and share one or two or three things grateful
(17:00):
for from last year. One person who made a difference
in your life, and one thing that you're looking forward
to in the coming year. One thing that you're looking
forward to being grateful for. A future anticipated schedule of gratitude.
If you like for me, that's what it's all about.
If your family is dealing with conflict, I think this
can be a bonding experience. It's not about pretending problems
(17:23):
don't exist. It's about saying, were changing your focus.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Yeah it was problems everywhere, there's hard everywhere. Love it.
But we can either focus on that or we can
focus on goodness. And goodness is going to show us
the sunshine more than the rain.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
And if people say that they're too busy, I'm just
going to call it. I'm going to have a microp
moment here. Provocative, but takes an hour, two hours once
a year to do this. How many hours of Netflix
did you watch this week? How many hours of TikTok
or in Sacramer you scroll this week? Find the time
this stuff actually works. Reality is, we can't control a
(17:58):
lot of stuff that happens to us. We can't prevent
illness and loss and hardship. It's going to happen, it's
going to hit us. But we can control our attention.
We can decide to notice what we are grateful for
in our lives. We can get our families together, we
can practice gratitude together. So our challenge is make Thanksgiving
twenty twenty five. Happen in your house this Thursday night,
(18:19):
the final Thursday of November. Put it in the calendar,
tell the family, invite your friends over. Make it happen,
even if it's not perfect, even if food's overcooked, even
if you're just having lickingy stick paddle pops in your backyard,
even if your teenage is wrong. They're rising going. This
is so long. We can't believe we have to do this.
Even if your dad comes over and makes inappropriate jokes,
(18:40):
don't worry about it. The point is you did it.
You've created a ritual, You've practiced gratitude as a family.
Because the science is clear. Americans stumbled on this like
four hundred years ago. Neuroscience is now proving it. They've
built a holiday around gratitude and family, and Australians are
pushing against it. I just can't comprehend it. We don't
need their history, we don't need their traditions. We can
do it anyway, but we would be fools not to
(19:02):
learn from this science. Thanksgiving twenty twenty five. We're all in,
how about you? The Happy Family's podcast is produced by
Justin Rouland from Bridge Media. MIM Hammond's provides additional research,
admin and other support. Thanks for listening. We hope that
you've got something out of this, and we hope that
this Thursday night you feel grateful in some special way.
(19:23):
We'll be back tomorrow with more on the Happy Families
podcast
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