"How Good's a Golden Girl?"

Day 4 is here, and we’re already in the bad books with the IOC. But who cares, because how good’s a relay gold with no subsequent commercial impact?

Even though they’ll never see a corpie, our 4x100m relay golden girls crushed the Americans on the way to gold. But was it enough to satiate our collective appetite for medals? And how much of this undue pressure can we shift on to the shoulders of Ariarne Titmus?

For those unaware, she’s the girl from the Harvey Norman ads. Not only do we badly need her to trump evil American Katie Ledecky, but Gerry Harvey does too. Can she bring it home for the whitegoods tsar after a gruelling year without JobKeeper?

Whether or not she salutes, at least Channel 7 will routinely remind us about the AFL. Apparently it’s a new Olympic sport now along with netball, mainly because Patrick Dangerfield said so.

Better yet, we’ve got Basil Zempilas, one bloke with a truckload of Insta followers in K-Mart youth clobber, and Dean Capobianco just listed his Clovelly home - and it’s all set against the backdrop of Japanese efficiency and the ferocious delta strain.

Audio production courtesy of Tim ‘T-Dog’ Eldridge. Graphic design courtesy of Julia Edwards.

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