September 9, 2025 • 9 mins
Siblings living together can be tricky. How do you set boundaries with family? This episode tackles a sticky situation between two sisters.
Katie calls in about her newly divorced sister who moved in with her 3 months ago. The sister isn't paying rent or contributing to the household. Katie cares about her sister but is starting to feel frustrated. Listeners call in with their advice on setting boundaries with family members. Some share cautionary tales of not setting boundaries leading to resentment. Most agree Katie should have an open conversation and set expectations around chores, expenses, and timeline for the sister moving out.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
My Heart podcasts here more mix one or two point
three podcasts, playlists and listen live on the free iHeart app.
If you've got problems, these guide answers.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
This is Haley and maxis DM dilemma.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
All right.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
You can get in contact with us anyway you like.
You can inbox us, you can email us, you can
get us on Instagram and tell us your problem and
we will put it out there to our beautiful listeners
and help you solve it.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Slide into our DMS. We'll try help the listeners. We'll
definitely help. Katie in Glengowerie has a DM dilemma and
she's on the line with us right now.
Speaker 5 (00:44):
Katie, how can we help?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Well, I do need help. I'm so glad that you
guys are here this morning. So I'm in a little
tricky situation. And my sister has just recently got divorced.
She's been married about five years. And I, of course
I'm the goodness of my heart, not that I want
that like to bear things. I said to us, come
and stay with us, me and my Tarna. And I
(01:08):
didn't even ask her about paying rent or I didn't
ask a food money, nothing like that. It's now like,
you know, one month, two months, three months, And now
I'm starting to get a little little edgy because I
don't really mine. I don't really know how to bring
it up, and she's relying on us to you know.
Speaker 6 (01:26):
Cook meals.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
I got a mortgage like everyone else.
Speaker 5 (01:30):
Are you doing everything for her? Though? So she just
feels like you want her to be there.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I feel a little like I have a child and
the child's in the house, but this house she's son,
and I feel for her, and don't get me wrong,
my heart goes out to her, but like love doesn't
pay bills, and I'm not too sure how to like,
you know, bring it up a little or you know,
have this conversation with her.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
It's awkward, it's hard, Katie. Is she actively looking like
for a new place to move out?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
She hasn't said anything to us, and that's why I'm
just like, you know, if I've seen that she'd made
some attempts at finding a place, like, of course, i'd
be you know, a little bit more relaxed and have
a bit of a time one in mine. But she
said nothing. She's just kind of.
Speaker 5 (02:12):
I think you need to do something.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
You need to sit with her and go, okay, let's
have a plan for you. I'm your sister, I've got
you back the whole way. Let's work out where do
you want to live. Let's try and find some places.
That's going to have a look at some rentals. Just
so she gets the hint that you kind of want
her out.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I do want to kind of like be a part
of that process with her, because of course, like she's
you know, I don't really want her to have to
lean on anyone else if she doesn't, you know, she
doesn't have to. It's a really tricky time for everyone.
But I don't really know how to initiate that conversation
because she's just really kind of sad and she's just
you know, she's just doing the things to get by,
like going to work, which I fully support.
Speaker 6 (02:48):
And I think she's.
Speaker 7 (02:50):
Going to work.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
She's sitting there on the couch eating pizza all day
and fully merching, Yeah, but she's.
Speaker 5 (02:55):
Just got to help.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
Like if I was, I would feel so bad, like
just landing on someone, you'd want to offer to pay
for food and things like that.
Speaker 5 (03:02):
Would that make you happier? If she was paying for stuff?
Speaker 2 (03:06):
It would absolutely just give me a little bit of
a peet peace of mind, because one, it would help
with the bills, but it would actually show that she
is actively contributing. Because the reality is once she moves out,
if she ever moved out at this point in time,
those sorts of things are still going to be around.
She's still gonna have to, you know, cook for herself.
She's still gonna have to pay rent or have a mortgage.
Like that doesn't just go away.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
I think we can all agree she probably needs to
pay some food. But I am certainly of in the
camp in the camp that I'd let my brother or
my sister in law stay with us for ages without
paying any rent. I reckon, I definitely would.
Speaker 4 (03:38):
Yeah, you don't think it would be annoying though, Like Eliza,
your wife would get annoyed, like you just want your
own space, Like I love you, but I don't live
with you.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Again, We're in a bedroom that sits there and does nothing.
It's just got a bed in it.
Speaker 5 (03:50):
You should rent it out to airbnb, get people there
every week.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
No, I'm happy to do it with my brother or
my sister in law than happy to have.
Speaker 7 (03:59):
You say that.
Speaker 5 (04:01):
Yeah, it doesn't matter how much you love them. Maybe
it was my parents. Okay, Katie, what we're gonna do,
We're gonna put it out there right now. Thirty one
O two three.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
If you've been in this situation before, have you got
any tips?
Speaker 5 (04:11):
What's happened?
Speaker 4 (04:12):
Have you had someone stay and then not leave or
how did you kick them out?
Speaker 1 (04:17):
We'll help you out, Katie. Paul in Salisbury Heights. What
do you reckon? What needs to happen here for Katie?
Speaker 7 (04:23):
Yeah, good morning guys. Yeah, I think she needs to
set some boundaries pretty much straight away. It's fair enough
to let your sister in law, brother in law or
whoever they are coming to your home, but I think
the bills that up straight away, and you need to
have that conversation, let them get on their feet for
maybe a week or two, and then even set some boundaries,
(04:45):
but low boundaries so they can still save their money
and find their own place to move on.
Speaker 5 (04:50):
Have you been through this before, Paul, Yes.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
I have.
Speaker 7 (04:52):
We've had our house in Sulisbury Heights here for about
six years and we haven't had our spare living room
the whole time to ourselves, oh who's in there. We've
had our sister in law, my mother, and then my
brother in law.
Speaker 5 (05:07):
Oh you're too old. It's an open house. Anyone can
come and stay.
Speaker 7 (05:11):
I can come and stay, Paul, the old revolving door.
Speaker 8 (05:14):
It's always worse when it's in laws as well. Like
your direct sibling is one thing, but an in law. God,
get out of here, Paul.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Does it annoy you that they're there all the time?
Or if you open the doors and you're happy to
keep them there as long as they need.
Speaker 7 (05:25):
We're happy to open our doors. We love them all.
It's we've finally got our house back only last month
and it's a relief, but we still love them having
a lot coming around, and you got to help the
people out your love.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
Of course you help them out, but I think there's
a social kind of responsibility if you're that person that's
living with them, like you just want to help out more.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Could be time for Paul to change the locks. Yeah,
let's keep.
Speaker 5 (05:50):
Turn it into a studies. There's no bare bedroom.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Third ay one O two three. What should happen here
for Katie anonymous is called in thirty one O two
three and none your ex sister?
Speaker 5 (06:01):
How do you have an ex sister or ex's sister?
What happened good morning.
Speaker 6 (06:05):
Though I'm divorced and I completely agreed Katie has to
kick her out. Yep, her behavior is not okay. My
ex sister in law, she was twenty at the time,
decided that she wanted to come to Adelaide, so we
agreed for her to move in, providing she pays man, cooks,
cleans everything herself. Because she never moved out of home,
(06:29):
she ended up coming down to Adelaide. She was getting
drunk every night, snaptantting all these random guys, meeting up
with random clothes every night, refused to get out of
bed until twelve one o'clock in the afternoon. She just
refused to shower, refused to clean her room, everything she left.
The electricity bills like five six, seven hundred more than normal.
(06:51):
She refused to pay that, refuse to anything, turned around
and called her Mama, went she's too strict. I can't
do with how strict she is. Oh no, this calls
My ex mother in law calls me and goes, what
are you doing? And I was like, I told her
to get a job. I'm like, it's all I did.
Like she said, so many interviews lined up with her
(07:13):
and she's refusing to go because all she wants to
do is go out with guys. I was just like,
not good happened? So as I said, like I'm divorced,
definitely get her out. If she's not pulling her weight,
she can't be doing that, Like not okay.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
It's the same people that go on holidays and they'll
come to your state and go, can I stay with you?
Speaker 5 (07:33):
I just would never do that, really, never over all
the time.
Speaker 4 (07:37):
No, but I would never ask to put someone out
and go can I stay with you?
Speaker 6 (07:41):
No?
Speaker 5 (07:41):
One really wants you to stay with them. I love
where my friends come and stay for the Wight.
Speaker 8 (07:46):
I was living in the UK and had discussing people
I didn't even know that, well, so can we crash at.
Speaker 5 (07:50):
Your hand and.
Speaker 8 (07:52):
Disgusting people. I don't have a spare bed. They said
that's fine, can you take the couch? They put me
on my own couch while they slept in my bed. No,
you've got bad friends.
Speaker 5 (08:00):
No, it's just having someone in your space.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Abby in Adelaide, Abby, what needs to happen here for
Katie DM dilemma gown.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
I think Katie should definitely set boundaries. I don't think
that she should kick her sister out. She sounds like
the type of person that is quite torn with what
she wants to do and really cares about her sister's feelings.
But unfortunately, if you don't step boundaries, she's going to
start resenting her sister. She will say she does, she'll
(08:30):
say she doesn't, but eventually that will set in.
Speaker 5 (08:32):
Oh has this happened to you before?
Speaker 3 (08:36):
It has happened to me before. It happened to my
mum and my men and they don't talk to each other.
It was meant to be. It was meant to be
six weeks, so just six months. I think it ended
up four years. We couldn't get my mum out of
my grandma's house. My men, my men had to pay
for a year's worth of her bond and rent get
her out, and they just don't talk to another. I
had to fly to Queensland to have intervention and that
(08:59):
just no, it was just it was not nice. And
Christmas is a very awkward time for us now. So
it just started with not having the uncomfortable conversation. You've
just got to get comfortable with having uncomfortable conversations.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
Have the conversation. Thank you, Sharon and morph Vail. You've
actually got a really good tip.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
What is it?
Speaker 9 (09:21):
Well, mine is I think just when she next goes out,
put all her stuff on the front lawn, lock the doors,
and tell her that enough is enough. But then you
can also renegotiate with her about coming back and what
the rules are going to be.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
I mean, I get where you're coming from, but she's
just been divorced, she's depressed, and she's the sister.
Speaker 5 (09:41):
I don't know how that's going to go down what.
Speaker 9 (09:44):
She's been there three months. Yeah, I'm saying, you really negotiate.
She can always come back in, and she's prepared to
pay some rent, help around the house, all that sort
of stuff. That's fine, but at the moment, she's not
respecting her.
Speaker 6 (09:58):
Sister, so yeah, why should she help her up?
Speaker 1 (10:01):
All right?
Speaker 5 (10:01):
They're very tough, loer, ruthless down I reckon. This is
helping Katie. This is amazing.
My Heart podcasts here more mix one or two point
three podcasts, playlists and listen live on the free iHeart app.
If you've got problems, these guide answers.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
This is Haley and maxis DM dilemma.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
All right.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
You can get in contact with us anyway you like.
You can inbox us, you can email us, you can
get us on Instagram and tell us your problem and
we will put it out there to our beautiful listeners
and help you solve it.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Slide into our DMS. We'll try help the listeners. We'll
definitely help. Katie in Glengowerie has a DM dilemma and
she's on the line with us right now.
Speaker 5 (00:44):
Katie, how can we help?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Well, I do need help. I'm so glad that you
guys are here this morning. So I'm in a little
tricky situation. And my sister has just recently got divorced.
She's been married about five years. And I, of course
I'm the goodness of my heart, not that I want
that like to bear things. I said to us, come
and stay with us, me and my Tarna. And I
(01:08):
didn't even ask her about paying rent or I didn't
ask a food money, nothing like that. It's now like,
you know, one month, two months, three months, And now
I'm starting to get a little little edgy because I
don't really mine. I don't really know how to bring
it up, and she's relying on us to you know.
Speaker 6 (01:26):
Cook meals.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
I got a mortgage like everyone else.
Speaker 5 (01:30):
Are you doing everything for her? Though? So she just
feels like you want her to be there.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
I feel a little like I have a child and
the child's in the house, but this house she's son,
and I feel for her, and don't get me wrong,
my heart goes out to her, but like love doesn't
pay bills, and I'm not too sure how to like,
you know, bring it up a little or you know,
have this conversation with her.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
It's awkward, it's hard, Katie. Is she actively looking like
for a new place to move out?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
She hasn't said anything to us, and that's why I'm
just like, you know, if I've seen that she'd made
some attempts at finding a place, like, of course, i'd
be you know, a little bit more relaxed and have
a bit of a time one in mine. But she
said nothing. She's just kind of.
Speaker 5 (02:12):
I think you need to do something.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
You need to sit with her and go, okay, let's
have a plan for you. I'm your sister, I've got
you back the whole way. Let's work out where do
you want to live. Let's try and find some places.
That's going to have a look at some rentals. Just
so she gets the hint that you kind of want
her out.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I do want to kind of like be a part
of that process with her, because of course, like she's
you know, I don't really want her to have to
lean on anyone else if she doesn't, you know, she
doesn't have to. It's a really tricky time for everyone.
But I don't really know how to initiate that conversation
because she's just really kind of sad and she's just
you know, she's just doing the things to get by,
like going to work, which I fully support.
Speaker 6 (02:48):
And I think she's.
Speaker 7 (02:50):
Going to work.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
She's sitting there on the couch eating pizza all day
and fully merching, Yeah, but she's.
Speaker 5 (02:55):
Just got to help.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
Like if I was, I would feel so bad, like
just landing on someone, you'd want to offer to pay
for food and things like that.
Speaker 5 (03:02):
Would that make you happier? If she was paying for stuff?
Speaker 2 (03:06):
It would absolutely just give me a little bit of
a peet peace of mind, because one, it would help
with the bills, but it would actually show that she
is actively contributing. Because the reality is once she moves out,
if she ever moved out at this point in time,
those sorts of things are still going to be around.
She's still gonna have to, you know, cook for herself.
She's still gonna have to pay rent or have a mortgage.
Like that doesn't just go away.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
I think we can all agree she probably needs to
pay some food. But I am certainly of in the
camp in the camp that I'd let my brother or
my sister in law stay with us for ages without
paying any rent. I reckon, I definitely would.
Speaker 4 (03:38):
Yeah, you don't think it would be annoying though, Like Eliza,
your wife would get annoyed, like you just want your
own space, Like I love you, but I don't live
with you.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
Again, We're in a bedroom that sits there and does nothing.
It's just got a bed in it.
Speaker 5 (03:50):
You should rent it out to airbnb, get people there
every week.
Speaker 1 (03:52):
No, I'm happy to do it with my brother or
my sister in law than happy to have.
Speaker 7 (03:59):
You say that.
Speaker 5 (04:01):
Yeah, it doesn't matter how much you love them. Maybe
it was my parents. Okay, Katie, what we're gonna do,
We're gonna put it out there right now. Thirty one
O two three.
Speaker 4 (04:08):
If you've been in this situation before, have you got
any tips?
Speaker 5 (04:11):
What's happened?
Speaker 4 (04:12):
Have you had someone stay and then not leave or
how did you kick them out?
Speaker 1 (04:17):
We'll help you out, Katie. Paul in Salisbury Heights. What
do you reckon? What needs to happen here for Katie?
Speaker 7 (04:23):
Yeah, good morning guys. Yeah, I think she needs to
set some boundaries pretty much straight away. It's fair enough
to let your sister in law, brother in law or
whoever they are coming to your home, but I think
the bills that up straight away, and you need to
have that conversation, let them get on their feet for
maybe a week or two, and then even set some boundaries,
(04:45):
but low boundaries so they can still save their money
and find their own place to move on.
Speaker 5 (04:50):
Have you been through this before, Paul, Yes.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
I have.
Speaker 7 (04:52):
We've had our house in Sulisbury Heights here for about
six years and we haven't had our spare living room
the whole time to ourselves, oh who's in there. We've
had our sister in law, my mother, and then my
brother in law.
Speaker 5 (05:07):
Oh you're too old. It's an open house. Anyone can
come and stay.
Speaker 7 (05:11):
I can come and stay, Paul, the old revolving door.
Speaker 8 (05:14):
It's always worse when it's in laws as well. Like
your direct sibling is one thing, but an in law. God,
get out of here, Paul.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Does it annoy you that they're there all the time?
Or if you open the doors and you're happy to
keep them there as long as they need.
Speaker 7 (05:25):
We're happy to open our doors. We love them all.
It's we've finally got our house back only last month
and it's a relief, but we still love them having
a lot coming around, and you got to help the
people out your love.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
Of course you help them out, but I think there's
a social kind of responsibility if you're that person that's
living with them, like you just want to help out more.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Could be time for Paul to change the locks. Yeah,
let's keep.
Speaker 5 (05:50):
Turn it into a studies. There's no bare bedroom.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Third ay one O two three. What should happen here
for Katie anonymous is called in thirty one O two
three and none your ex sister?
Speaker 5 (06:01):
How do you have an ex sister or ex's sister?
What happened good morning.
Speaker 6 (06:05):
Though I'm divorced and I completely agreed Katie has to
kick her out. Yep, her behavior is not okay. My
ex sister in law, she was twenty at the time,
decided that she wanted to come to Adelaide, so we
agreed for her to move in, providing she pays man, cooks,
cleans everything herself. Because she never moved out of home,
(06:29):
she ended up coming down to Adelaide. She was getting
drunk every night, snaptantting all these random guys, meeting up
with random clothes every night, refused to get out of
bed until twelve one o'clock in the afternoon. She just
refused to shower, refused to clean her room, everything she left.
The electricity bills like five six, seven hundred more than normal.
(06:51):
She refused to pay that, refuse to anything, turned around
and called her Mama, went she's too strict. I can't
do with how strict she is. Oh no, this calls
My ex mother in law calls me and goes, what
are you doing? And I was like, I told her
to get a job. I'm like, it's all I did.
Like she said, so many interviews lined up with her
(07:13):
and she's refusing to go because all she wants to
do is go out with guys. I was just like,
not good happened? So as I said, like I'm divorced,
definitely get her out. If she's not pulling her weight,
she can't be doing that, Like not okay.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
It's the same people that go on holidays and they'll
come to your state and go, can I stay with you?
Speaker 5 (07:33):
I just would never do that, really, never over all
the time.
Speaker 4 (07:37):
No, but I would never ask to put someone out
and go can I stay with you?
Speaker 6 (07:41):
No?
Speaker 5 (07:41):
One really wants you to stay with them. I love
where my friends come and stay for the Wight.
Speaker 8 (07:46):
I was living in the UK and had discussing people
I didn't even know that, well, so can we crash at.
Speaker 5 (07:50):
Your hand and.
Speaker 8 (07:52):
Disgusting people. I don't have a spare bed. They said
that's fine, can you take the couch? They put me
on my own couch while they slept in my bed. No,
you've got bad friends.
Speaker 5 (08:00):
No, it's just having someone in your space.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Abby in Adelaide, Abby, what needs to happen here for
Katie DM dilemma gown.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
I think Katie should definitely set boundaries. I don't think
that she should kick her sister out. She sounds like
the type of person that is quite torn with what
she wants to do and really cares about her sister's feelings.
But unfortunately, if you don't step boundaries, she's going to
start resenting her sister. She will say she does, she'll
(08:30):
say she doesn't, but eventually that will set in.
Speaker 5 (08:32):
Oh has this happened to you before?
Speaker 3 (08:36):
It has happened to me before. It happened to my
mum and my men and they don't talk to each other.
It was meant to be. It was meant to be
six weeks, so just six months. I think it ended
up four years. We couldn't get my mum out of
my grandma's house. My men, my men had to pay
for a year's worth of her bond and rent get
her out, and they just don't talk to another. I
had to fly to Queensland to have intervention and that
(08:59):
just no, it was just it was not nice. And
Christmas is a very awkward time for us now. So
it just started with not having the uncomfortable conversation. You've
just got to get comfortable with having uncomfortable conversations.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
Have the conversation. Thank you, Sharon and morph Vail. You've
actually got a really good tip.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
What is it?
Speaker 9 (09:21):
Well, mine is I think just when she next goes out,
put all her stuff on the front lawn, lock the doors,
and tell her that enough is enough. But then you
can also renegotiate with her about coming back and what
the rules are going to be.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
I mean, I get where you're coming from, but she's
just been divorced, she's depressed, and she's the sister.
Speaker 5 (09:41):
I don't know how that's going to go down what.
Speaker 9 (09:44):
She's been there three months. Yeah, I'm saying, you really negotiate.
She can always come back in, and she's prepared to
pay some rent, help around the house, all that sort
of stuff. That's fine, but at the moment, she's not
respecting her.
Speaker 6 (09:58):
Sister, so yeah, why should she help her up?
Speaker 1 (10:01):
All right?
Speaker 5 (10:01):
They're very tough, loer, ruthless down I reckon. This is
helping Katie. This is amazing.
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