May 18, 2025 • 31 mins
***CONTENT WARNING***: This podcast episode may contain material that can be confronting and disturbing. Sometimes words can cause sadness or distress, or trigger traumatic memories for people, particularly survivors of past abuse, violence or childhood trauma.
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Are black people and people of colour traumatised? What is the source of this trauma? How does trauma manifest itself in our lives? What are the triggers? And how do we cope with trauma in its many forms? We’re delving deeper into trauma and how it shows up in our lives - and what some of those triggers are.
We had the pleasure of recording this season at Bittersweet Studios (@bittersweet.studios_)
The gorgeous set up for this season was done by the amazing Pink Lady Picnics: (@pinkladypicnics)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
A reaction that can make you feel out of body
or not yourself, make you feel like a little kid,
a fight or flight.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
It literally is instinctual, primal. I feel like you have
to get to a huge level of work to realize
you're having a trauma response when you're having the trauma response.
Obviously Mom passed away when I was younger, so then
I didn't have the softness of a mother when I
had my own child.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
We are a traumatized nation and people, and I think
just black people in general not traumatized in a lot
of ways. Mom always always be careful. Hi, I'm Amanda
(00:57):
and I'm Rumby.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Welcome to Slayered podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
We're part of the Black Past Network, part by iHeart
and as you may already know, we're recording a live
in studio here in Melbourne.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah Bittersweet Studios. Such a beautiful setup today done by
Pink Lady Picnics. Is so grateful to be in this
welcoming safe space.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Shout out to Maggie behind the camera. Yes, it's been
holding us down to so black women or black powered
female owned businesses doing the thing and that's why we're
so excited.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Yes, so so, especially when you want to talk about
something really vulnerable like tuma. I feel like the people
you're around, people that surround you, the space you're in
is very very important for such like vulnerable conversation.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Absolutely and to feel like you you don't need to
mince your words or like you know, you can just
be who you are. This great. So, yeah, we're talking
about trauma and its manifestation in our lives. How does
personal trauma manifest in your life? Do you feel? Have
(02:11):
you clocked it, stay triggered?
Speaker 2 (02:15):
You know what this is? I guess therapy speech right
where you don't know what trauma. You know what trauma is,
but sometimes you might even recognize you're going through it
all that it's manifest in other parts of your life.
You think I'm fine, Especially as Black women, we'remen to
be strong and have it all together. And I think
(02:37):
our generation is really beginning to question that if are
we's from do we have it all together?
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Not at all?
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Doesn't it manifest in other ways and creep up in
ways you don't expect?
Speaker 1 (02:48):
I think it's definitely. Yeah, you're coping, so you think
this is not It's happened to me many times. I'm fine,
I'm not affected, I'm not emotional. I'm not and then
it's like, actually, it's it's affected. So it's so true
and sometimes you don't realize it, and only after the
fact you realize that.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
But when you go back to the scene of the crime,
like when you return home, you will spend a lot
of time with family, and then you realize, oh, have
I not healed and coped? I've just avoided yes, yo,
go on, So what is let's maybe define trauma because
as you said, it's therapy speak, and we'll hear trauma, trauma, trauma, trigger, trigger, triggered,
(03:31):
you know, trauma response.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
How would you define trauma for me?
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Personally? It's something that you would have gone through seeing
being a part of that's not the norm, yeah, or
healthy or healthy norm, and you find or are fourthd
to find ways to live with it. Yes, yeah, So say, okay,
(04:01):
you went through that, now what? Yes, you know you
went through that whole huge thing, now what? And a
lot of people, a lot of people just sweep it
under the rug and then that's when it starts to
manifest and come out and they get triggered by everything.
And a lot of people are nowadays are beginning to
address it and actually go back that in a child, yes,
(04:21):
all the way back to their childhood. I mean what
about for you?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
I think trauma is for me, painful experiences that you
have in your life, whether in childhood through to yesterday today, whatever,
that affect your nervous system, that instill a reaction that
can make you feel out of body or not yourself,
(04:46):
make you feel like a little kid, fight or flight,
You freeze ads where you spiral and maybe start thinking
worst case scenarios all over. So I really feel like
trauma is that it's like it creates this reaction in
you that is not where you feel uns your baseline
(05:07):
essentially and yeah, unsafe, and you feel like violated or vulnerable.
And then there are ripple effects there where you may
cope as a manicet in in in different ways, whether
it's being sweeping under the rug or maybe now anytime
you someone speaks to you in a certain way, you're
(05:28):
like ready to like take you back, to take you back,
or if you start fighting and like, oh, don't talk
to me like that, you know. So that's how I
see it.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Yeah, Yeah, And obviously you can manifest in different ways
like the physical you can actually literally feel sick reliving
the moment or you know, dealing with the consequences of
that moment, the traumatic event. Yes, you know. It can
be emotional where you're like literally an emotional wreck, panic attacks,
(05:55):
all that stuff where you're like, I can't I can't
get past this.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yes, yeah, for sure, And I think doctor I've said
this before. I think on a TikTok around he speaks
about a lot of sort of autoimmune diseases are prevalent
in women because what happens when you experience trauma and
you excuse me, when you don't address it and don't
(06:21):
deal with it, it then manifests physically in the form of
autoimmune diseases, and your body is almost like saying this
is not okay. But sometimes when you suppress that, then
you become ill and cancer and all these kinds of things.
And then of course, emotionally is like maybe you're off kilter,
(06:41):
maybe you start being defensive, maybe you become a lot
over emotional, you don't know how to regulate. All of
a sudden, you're just like in tears when a second ago,
so so many way.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Yeah, and behavioral right, lots of people will like do
actions that don't make sense, and then you realize, oh,
it's for them, that's their flight or flight freeze or
for my response.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Yes exactly.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
I feel like sometimes we do it subconsciously and also
sometimes I feel like we can suppress it for years
and then you think and then it can just all
come back back again, which is what I was saying
when you go back to the scene of the crime.
Because you can be away from home for like six
seven years and never feel any which way triggered, and
then the moment you land, something happens, or you see
(07:28):
someone or you you know some people PTSD all that stuff.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
You know, it's yes, And when we think about triggers,
I think we're saying it's like something happens that your
reference goes back to that moment, that moment of pain
or whatever you experience, and then you act out of character, yeah,
or you start behaving a certain way, yeah, because it's
(07:52):
taking you to that. So you're trying to either protect
yourself from not being hurt again, yeah, or does that
make sense.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
That or you try to even do it sometimes even differently,
like had you done this, this would have been so
then now you over extend that response because then you're like,
oh no, no, it's not exactly you said. It's not gonna
happen to me again, can't happen to me again? And
then example just shut down completely. I mean as a
people being Zimbabwean, people ask us about our economy and
(08:21):
you know, being dictatorship. But those some of the stuff
that happened during that time was very traumatic.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Very very very traumatized nation and people, and I think
just black people in general are traumatized in a lot
of ways. But do you feel like traumas trivialized?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Certainly because it's just that notion that oh, who doesn't
have issues or who doesn't have we all got paid. Yeah,
like we're not gonna all, you know, cry about it
or you know what I mean like this, I feel
like people just and also don't. But I don't think
people want to be stuck there. So the only feeling
is Okay, I don't want to sit and moan and
(09:05):
grown up about this, so let's move on, you know.
So then you know, stuff, some stuff becomes unspoken about.
You know, oh, we already dealt with that. Now we're
onto the next thing. You know, have we really but
we haven't. More often than we have not because sometimes
when you you fight with your African parents and they
bring up something they used to do as a kid,
(09:27):
they're like, whoa talk about your inner child lug? You know.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
And I think our story as black people, people of color, Africans, Zimbabweans,
we can go on women. I think there's a lot
of things we've had to fight if you think about
women in general, like the right to vote, the right
to you know, our own bodies, the right Then you
(09:54):
go like slavery, then you go colonization, then you go
like for or economic empowerment, so many things you constantly
have to fight for. So, as you rightly said, we've
all suffered. So it's like, so what now we have
to go? That's how I think we've survived. Yeah, it's
just you keep survival mode. Yeah, literally, otherwise we do.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
You don't have time, like even when you think about
it now bringing it into our context now people who
are living in war tone areas, or you don't have
time to be like, ah, what did happen last week?
Living for today for the now service. So I feel
like sometimes we as a people, we are stuck there
and we're still living in such a way and I
(10:37):
know this season where like about soft life and leaning
into a feminine, but definitely our masculine is right up
there because we've had to dig deep and do things
that are you know, to make things work, and for
so long. And when you do that for so long
and that's all you know to unpack that, it's a lot.
It's a lot.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
And sometimes I find for me it manners first. And
even when I don't need to be the fighter yeah
or strong's I'm already in that, and it's like you
have to take note that no someone wants to help me,
or I.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Don't have to trusting someone else.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Trusting someone else, So then it's like you're constantly having
to check yourself that Okay, you don't need to fight this. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Why do you think Zimbabwans especially have unresolved trauma?
Speaker 1 (11:24):
I think, as I alluded to, like when you've been
colonized and then you have to go through a war
to like liberate yourself as a country. So you've seen
a lot, right, So there's that aspect. Then the world
opens up to you and you're like, okay, now we
have our freedom. But I don't think talking about trauma
or mental health was a thing back in the eighties
(11:45):
when we were liberated. So then ow it was like
get on with this economic freedom, so to speak. And
then obviously we know what happened, you know with farm
invasions and so on and so forth, and theymy spiraling
as a result, and political issues and all these things.
So things have just started coming at us from all
(12:07):
angles and losing you know, wealth overnight or you know,
investments overnight, and then just trying to make ends meet.
Then you're trying to just make sure your children are educated,
You're trying to start air life somewhere. You all these things,
so literally it just survive. You need to survive, go go.
There's no time because if you sit in it, you'll
(12:30):
never get out of it, right. And then there's other
aspects socially, right, like domestic violence we've spoken about before.
There's the patriarchy side of things where what I say
goes no matter how you feel, how you're suffering in
this context, abuse, emotional, financial abuses, rife because of the economy,
(12:51):
So there's all these things that are just like blowing up.
And then on a global scale, like I've about war
and you know it, then a phobia and tensions between
nations and it's a lot. So when you're just trying
to navigate that, I think sometimes people are like, why
do I need to suddenly figure out my emotions here?
(13:11):
We keep it moving.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Yeah, yeah, and you don't want to kick us kicking
up dust. Right, stuff is settled or seemingly settled, and
you don't want to be the one who's like, people are,
come on, man, now in twenty twenty five, why I
bring up things from like twenty years ago. But I
think that's the only way it can be resolved, like
going back and actually, and also I think for Zimbabweans
in particular, it's like like for us, we both said,
(13:37):
you know, we left zim and then now we're trying
to deal with childhood trauma or whatever, but we also
have a soft landing place after because all these things
are brought up to the surface and then it's like
you need to start dealing with them, right, and then
the space you're now in needs to support that past
trauma for you to be able to deal. So I
feel like Zimbabwans don't still feel safe yet at all,
(13:58):
so then it's like, well, as long as they're unsafe,
then they have to say survive a mode because they
can't be soft and and furl and open and let
you in, because then that leaves them vulnerable, right because
the space they're still in is still doesn't support them
being said.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
You know, it begs the question I'm going to ask you.
As the season we've been about the soft girl era
and like celebrating our soft side? Are we lucky and
privilege that we even tend to have that for sure?
And the guilt associated that, Okay, we get to have this.
(14:36):
And this is another thing where social media gets very
tricky is that you know, you see other people living
the soft you know, jet setting, what what, and there's
other people who have a completely different experience of it,
and it's saying it's possible and we also want that.
I don't think people are sitting there suffering saying I
don't want a good life or a soft life, but
(14:58):
their privilege of well, it is it's definitely very privileged.
I mean, even having this conversation right now in this
beautiful setting, it's a privileged space, a safe space, but
it is it only does come with access and privilege. Yes,
you know, I'm sure girls in Zimbabwe would love to
swop with us right now in a rearly second, right,
But then.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
It's like that's not reality.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
And I think sometimes you have to keep checking yourself
and say, like, yes, life is harder because you know,
even when you're living away from home, you have to
work twice three times as hard to get half as much.
But sometimes taking stock and saying, oh, at least I've
gotten to do this, and I've gotten and the space
is safe. Exactly exactly how does trauma affect our relationships
(15:46):
and self like relationship with self and with others as
a result.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Like it per me, it's in you, everything doesn't like I.
I mean, we just talked about having kids on not
having kids and a lot of people's birth stories of
how they bring these kids into the world. I filled
with trauma and for my own personal journey, I obviously
my mom passed away when I was younger, so then
(16:13):
I didn't have the softness of a mother when I
had my own child. You know, I love seeing those
tiktoks when like they're like, oh, you know, my my
mom was excited about the kid, but she also has
her own baby who just had a baby. You know,
you see the mom rushing in and like trying to
like touch the daughter and the grandchild is another thought,
(16:33):
which is beautiful for me to see, right, But then
I obviously didn't get to experience that where it's like, okay,
from birth, I'm already still just solo, and obviously you
try to find your own ways. My cousin came over
to help me, but it's not the same and she
wasn't trying to take up that role, which is fine,
but like it just makes you think, oh my gosh,
(16:54):
it's gone through such a traumatic event and further trauma
of not having the right person or the person I
think is right to support me through. So I feel
like it's just one of those things where it's it
keeps coming up, right, the fact that I lost my
mom young. I lost my mom, and it is a
traumatic thing and it's not something you can just be like,
(17:15):
oh yeah, I've done with it now. It will always
but not always be moments. But I think now the
key is how do you deal with it? You know,
you can sit there and wallow, of course, and some
days you need it, you need to have that ca
tactic feeling of crying it all out. But some days
you just realize you know what, at least I could
still have been my cousin here. At least a roomby
(17:36):
could come over, you know, at least you know too,
could come over and help me. I have a supportive partner, like, so,
it's one of those things where you you let yourself
go there, but then you also let yourself be kind
to yourself. Well it does. It does permeate into everything,
you know, and that's why therapy also comes in clurks,
but also therapy, as you said, is.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
A privileged face privilege. I think trauma shows up in
how you relate in relationships like partnership, friendship. Like for me,
sometimes I'm like, if I'm going through a challenging especially
with friends, I'm like, well I can move on, Like
I don't. I'm quick to just like shut off. And
(18:19):
I think that is a trauma response.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Right, yeah, I won't be hurt, so I'll just shut
I'll be fine.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
I don't mean anybody anyway, you know. So you see
that and you have to actively work on like, Okay,
let's how do we move through this in this relationship.
I think it shows up in sometimes not letting your
guard down. I think for a long time, I don't
trust men. Yeah, And I mean men don't make it
(18:45):
easy for us to trust them. I'm just like, not
all men, you know, I think they're the oposite. I
think there's some sort of you know, but aside from that,
like learning to allow yourself to be loved, for someone
to be gentle with you, and not expect the worst always,
Like I think you start thinking all the way, oh
you're gon' turn now, Okay, this is gonna switch up now,
(19:08):
which is very sad. Yeah, but it is a trauma
response because I think how many aunts and relatives, mothers,
cousins did we see growing up going through some really
traumatic relationships where you're like, why do people get married?
Why do people try and have partners or children together?
(19:28):
So a lot of and learning has to be done
and consuming different content, Like I think sometimes the negative
is always so prevalent, and then the good is not
always to the surface, and we don't shine a light
on it enough. But you know, there's I really thinking,
(19:49):
there's a scale all the time. There's negative and there's positive,
and you really have to seek out the positive to help.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Yeah, And I feel like trauma is mainly sometimes the
trauma response rather reflection because in the moment, you just
like it literally is instinctual, primal. I feel like you
have to get to a huge level of work to
realize you're having a trauma response. When you're having the
trauma response, usually a lot of times that's when you
(20:15):
have to get comfortable with apologizing. So the apologies to
your friends when you're like, do something like out of character,
then you're like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. You
know this space I'm in or this reminded me of
this and that. So I feel like it's also having
safe people around you that you know, you don't have
to explain yourself to every single person you meet. But
(20:35):
sometimes when you do something that's really especially when it's
in the negative and like shouting at people, raising your voice,
all these kinds of things which might also end up
triggering someone else, we have to always reflect and bring
ourselves back and find explanation and then also find ways
of coping. Yes, because you don't exist healthy. Yeah, you
(20:59):
can't just shout it every and sorry.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
And you know, we talk about this often.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
There's a lot of.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Therapy speak where people try and use therapy to use
their behavior. Jonah Hill and you know, being douchebags, and
you know I didn't. I don't like you because talking
to other men, because it's a traumat and I think
it triggers are going to fix yourself?
Speaker 2 (21:20):
Yeah, yeah, type of be able to talk to you exactly.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
And I think for me, something I've I heard not
too long ago was that emotions last for a couple
of seconds, if you know, like, and so it's about
how long we allow ourselves in that. So I think
similarly with trauma responses. I think it's normal to feel
on emotion, and as you work through it, maybe it
(21:43):
becomes less extreme, maybe less where it comes. Yes, it
doesn't last as long. And I think it's normal to
feel certain things, but it's how we then address it.
So it's like this hurts me. You could sit in there,
I'm so hurt on me, I'm the victim, and you
can wallow for life or you know, weeks on it.
(22:05):
But it's like this hurt me? Why did it hurt me?
And why does it bring up these feelings? And what
could be done differently? Is it something I could have done?
Is it something that could have been done by someone else?
And how do I go from allowing ourselves to feel
but also saying Okay, clearly I still feel triggered by this.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
I need to work on yeah, because yeah, I'm being
a douchebag. Does not or feeling a trauma responses being
like still still a douche, your douche and you see it.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Yeahs have gone more and more of these men are coming.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
On look at but that's mainly men. It's not like common.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
They're like, oh, you know ramses like saying oh because
and I'm like, no, don't do that. Yeah, yeah, I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
If I trauma as a migrant in America, you can't
take it out on the Americans. You want to get
like yeah, I feel like I feel like yeah, therapies
speak and people saying oh I'm traumatized has become trivialized
as well, so it's like people just use it as
like almost like a badge of but in a.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Bad way comes the trauma bonding. He's telling her people died,
and he's meeting her dad and saying can I have animal?
And the next thing is like I never want to
see you again.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
Then they didn't have fun in their relationship because that's because.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
You're basing all that. And I think I think something
we need to learn in life. Just because someone tells
you all their trauma doesn't mean that it makes a
relationship stronger. Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't make the
relationship more valuable for because, as we say, trauma bonding.
But I think it's like you shouldn't celebrate like, oh,
(23:57):
they opened up for me, It's like, how are they
healing from this?
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Is probably those are questions you need to be and
why the trauma dumping on me?
Speaker 1 (24:05):
There's exactly I think we used to especially I think
when we were growing up, like when guys didn't open up.
So when a guy like opened up a little bit, like,
oh my gosh, she's confiding, Yeah, specially confiding or is
it dumping and then just like moving on?
Speaker 2 (24:20):
And guys are really good with that. A lot of
couples break up after something traumatic happens, losing a child,
you know, miscarriages, all these things, because it's hard when
you're both trying to deal and to also be there
for each other. So and that's sometimes really the only
thing is therapy where you can deal with such. But
what do you think about our people, because obviously miscarriages
(24:42):
and death in the family or whatever it is still
happens in spaces where therapy is not so accessible or acceptable.
How do you think they themselves at the funeral? Do
you reckon they just use religion in that space.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
I think our people don't have much in terms of
like money, or like self like healing, in terms of therapy,
as you said, and like all these things. So one
thing we cling onto is religion. But I think we
need to be very clear. Religion helps to give hope,
(25:23):
but it can't be the only answer for everything, because
I think sometimes we use religion to suppress feelings and
to say everything.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Is all right, there's the reason, God, God.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
We don't we force acceptance without going through the steps
of grief, do you understand? And anger? And we just
say it is what it is and must accept And
we almost hide behind religion as a way of like
all will be well, but are you well? Are you
truly well? And will it be well for you?
Speaker 2 (25:59):
And you see it all the time with Zimbabweans, like
if you just randomly walk into a and ask someone
a question or annoying them, they'll you will try to
physically harm you because it's like get out of my mind,
Like it's just yeah, we are so quick to you
have these like negative emotions because really, underneath it all,
we're so dissatisfied with so many things, so disappointed in
so many ways. That doesn't take much to trigger.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Yeah, not at all.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Like I remember even you know, when you do something
for I'll pay you them, and no pay me now,
because there's that you won't get that you won't pay
and you'll run away and you're thinking No. Usually with
businesses we do fifty percent, like it's just normal, you know,
a deposit before and then after the job. But then
they're just so worried that we sometimes they need the
money to then also has of other things, so it's
(26:45):
like there is so much there to unpack. I feel
as the people do you.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
Think and the barb Wins will ever get right or
feel right.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
I feel like as long as the space isn't safe, no,
then no, I don't.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Know if you'l and see it or not. And it
really hurts to say in our generation are people doing well?
Speaker 2 (27:04):
You know what made me think that when we had
a bit of relief when the US dollar first started
and now things are flowing there when things tightened again,
now you can't get get us easily. You actually rely
on these remittance agencies. And then when the cos is
like having to go overseas to England mainly to do
care work jobs, people like rush to it. So it's
(27:25):
like I feel like, yeah, we're just still figuring it out,
trying to We're still in survival mode.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
If there's one thing about Zimbabweans, we are survivors. I
think that is one thing we'll make away and tug
it out. And I think it's a blessing and a curse.
But you, yeah, have we been through that?
Speaker 2 (27:47):
How do you reckon? We can seek help with resolve
in Frome. I mean, I Alwa's talked about therapy, but
even on a day to day.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
I think it's what you feed yourself, whether it's what
you listen to, what you watch, what who you follow,
what you're reading, It's all the ways and your community,
who you surround yourself with. If you surround yourself with
people who continuously bring you down and are negative, I
think you need to realize that things within your power
(28:16):
to control, and those are things like sometimes you don't
necessarily choose your family, but you can choose your friends,
You can choose way spend your time. You can choose
you know, what you read, what you ingest that all.
And it's a lot of also self talk, like how
do you perceive yourself? And are you kind to yourself?
Like something that I've had to learn is to be
(28:38):
kind to my inner child and allow her to speak
up sometimes when I never listen to her. Like, so
sometimes you be like I feel very neglected or I
feel very unsafe here or not protected, or you didn't
have my back when you sort of choose to appease
someone else over your own feelings, like I can bring
up those traumas and then it's like, oh, actually I
(29:00):
need to speak up for myself or look out for myself. Yeah,
And it's being really in tune with self and taking
that time journaling. You know, I'm a proponent.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
This is a journal Curd. I mean, I mean essentially
you've said at all, it's like identifying your triggers and
in some ways trying to manage that, you know, and
also your coping mechanisms. Yeah, alcohol not being one of them. Please.
You know, I know a lot of people like you know,
drugs and alcohol to forget it all or to but
really long term, you're not forgetting it at all, you're
(29:32):
just setting it aside for another time. You're sitting aside
for your future, you know. So I feel like and maybe, yeah,
sometimes we do look within communities if you don't have
therapy accessible people to reach out to, people you can
trust to not to trauma dump so to speak as much,
but just to work through things. And sometimes I feel,
(29:53):
especially if your trauma is recent, the quicker you get
to it the bear. So sometimes you're like, I don't
know if African parents have been telling you a story
from tittis my guy. Yeah, because and only when it
starts to fast, they also start to lose perspective, like
now the story is told with a bit of spice,
(30:15):
but over years you've mouthed over it, a mouth recreated
and yeah, and that's something quite what happened or how
you know. And sometimes it's misunderstandings too, within family structures especially,
So I feel like with trauma, the sooner you can address,
oh there's a problem here and try to find ways
to resolve it. The quicker, sometimes you don't get the opportunity.
(30:37):
You know, people have been displaced and lost, the people
in Ukraine and starts to done. All these people lost
their homes. You can't really just you know, it's something
you have to really work through as a family. Yeah,
but I feel like actually even recognizing it's there true
is also quite crucial.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
True. Well, thank you so much. Thank you for being
a safe space for me to work of my trouses.
Thank you guys for listening as always. We appreciate it,
and we'll see you guys on the next episode.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Bye, guys to those
A reaction that can make you feel out of body
or not yourself, make you feel like a little kid,
a fight or flight.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
It literally is instinctual, primal. I feel like you have
to get to a huge level of work to realize
you're having a trauma response when you're having the trauma response.
Obviously Mom passed away when I was younger, so then
I didn't have the softness of a mother when I
had my own child.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
We are a traumatized nation and people, and I think
just black people in general not traumatized in a lot
of ways. Mom always always be careful. Hi, I'm Amanda
(00:57):
and I'm Rumby.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Welcome to Slayered podcast.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
We're part of the Black Past Network, part by iHeart
and as you may already know, we're recording a live
in studio here in Melbourne.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah Bittersweet Studios. Such a beautiful setup today done by
Pink Lady Picnics. Is so grateful to be in this
welcoming safe space.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Shout out to Maggie behind the camera. Yes, it's been
holding us down to so black women or black powered
female owned businesses doing the thing and that's why we're
so excited.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Yes, so so, especially when you want to talk about
something really vulnerable like tuma. I feel like the people
you're around, people that surround you, the space you're in
is very very important for such like vulnerable conversation.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Absolutely and to feel like you you don't need to
mince your words or like you know, you can just
be who you are. This great. So, yeah, we're talking
about trauma and its manifestation in our lives. How does
personal trauma manifest in your life? Do you feel? Have
(02:11):
you clocked it, stay triggered?
Speaker 2 (02:15):
You know what this is? I guess therapy speech right
where you don't know what trauma. You know what trauma is,
but sometimes you might even recognize you're going through it
all that it's manifest in other parts of your life.
You think I'm fine, Especially as Black women, we'remen to
be strong and have it all together. And I think
(02:37):
our generation is really beginning to question that if are
we's from do we have it all together?
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Not at all?
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Doesn't it manifest in other ways and creep up in
ways you don't expect?
Speaker 1 (02:48):
I think it's definitely. Yeah, you're coping, so you think
this is not It's happened to me many times. I'm fine,
I'm not affected, I'm not emotional. I'm not and then
it's like, actually, it's it's affected. So it's so true
and sometimes you don't realize it, and only after the
fact you realize that.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
But when you go back to the scene of the crime,
like when you return home, you will spend a lot
of time with family, and then you realize, oh, have
I not healed and coped? I've just avoided yes, yo,
go on, So what is let's maybe define trauma because
as you said, it's therapy speak, and we'll hear trauma, trauma, trauma, trigger, trigger, triggered,
(03:31):
you know, trauma response.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
How would you define trauma for me?
Speaker 2 (03:35):
Personally? It's something that you would have gone through seeing
being a part of that's not the norm, yeah, or
healthy or healthy norm, and you find or are fourthd
to find ways to live with it. Yes, yeah, So say, okay,
(04:01):
you went through that, now what? Yes, you know you
went through that whole huge thing, now what? And a
lot of people, a lot of people just sweep it
under the rug and then that's when it starts to
manifest and come out and they get triggered by everything.
And a lot of people are nowadays are beginning to
address it and actually go back that in a child, yes,
(04:21):
all the way back to their childhood. I mean what
about for you?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
I think trauma is for me, painful experiences that you
have in your life, whether in childhood through to yesterday today, whatever,
that affect your nervous system, that instill a reaction that
can make you feel out of body or not yourself,
(04:46):
make you feel like a little kid, fight or flight,
You freeze ads where you spiral and maybe start thinking
worst case scenarios all over. So I really feel like
trauma is that it's like it creates this reaction in
you that is not where you feel uns your baseline
(05:07):
essentially and yeah, unsafe, and you feel like violated or vulnerable.
And then there are ripple effects there where you may
cope as a manicet in in in different ways, whether
it's being sweeping under the rug or maybe now anytime
you someone speaks to you in a certain way, you're
(05:28):
like ready to like take you back, to take you back,
or if you start fighting and like, oh, don't talk
to me like that, you know. So that's how I
see it.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Yeah, Yeah, And obviously you can manifest in different ways
like the physical you can actually literally feel sick reliving
the moment or you know, dealing with the consequences of
that moment, the traumatic event. Yes, you know. It can
be emotional where you're like literally an emotional wreck, panic attacks,
(05:55):
all that stuff where you're like, I can't I can't
get past this.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yes, yeah, for sure, And I think doctor I've said
this before. I think on a TikTok around he speaks
about a lot of sort of autoimmune diseases are prevalent
in women because what happens when you experience trauma and
you excuse me, when you don't address it and don't
(06:21):
deal with it, it then manifests physically in the form of
autoimmune diseases, and your body is almost like saying this
is not okay. But sometimes when you suppress that, then
you become ill and cancer and all these kinds of things.
And then of course, emotionally is like maybe you're off kilter,
(06:41):
maybe you start being defensive, maybe you become a lot
over emotional, you don't know how to regulate. All of
a sudden, you're just like in tears when a second ago,
so so many way.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Yeah, and behavioral right, lots of people will like do
actions that don't make sense, and then you realize, oh,
it's for them, that's their flight or flight freeze or
for my response.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Yes exactly.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
I feel like sometimes we do it subconsciously and also
sometimes I feel like we can suppress it for years
and then you think and then it can just all
come back back again, which is what I was saying
when you go back to the scene of the crime.
Because you can be away from home for like six
seven years and never feel any which way triggered, and
then the moment you land, something happens, or you see
(07:28):
someone or you you know some people PTSD all that stuff.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
You know, it's yes, And when we think about triggers,
I think we're saying it's like something happens that your
reference goes back to that moment, that moment of pain
or whatever you experience, and then you act out of character, yeah,
or you start behaving a certain way, yeah, because it's
(07:52):
taking you to that. So you're trying to either protect
yourself from not being hurt again, yeah, or does that
make sense.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
That or you try to even do it sometimes even differently,
like had you done this, this would have been so
then now you over extend that response because then you're like,
oh no, no, it's not exactly you said. It's not gonna
happen to me again, can't happen to me again? And
then example just shut down completely. I mean as a
people being Zimbabwean, people ask us about our economy and
(08:21):
you know, being dictatorship. But those some of the stuff
that happened during that time was very traumatic.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Very very very traumatized nation and people, and I think
just black people in general are traumatized in a lot
of ways. But do you feel like traumas trivialized?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Certainly because it's just that notion that oh, who doesn't
have issues or who doesn't have we all got paid. Yeah,
like we're not gonna all, you know, cry about it
or you know what I mean like this, I feel
like people just and also don't. But I don't think
people want to be stuck there. So the only feeling
is Okay, I don't want to sit and moan and
(09:05):
grown up about this, so let's move on, you know.
So then you know, stuff, some stuff becomes unspoken about.
You know, oh, we already dealt with that. Now we're
onto the next thing. You know, have we really but
we haven't. More often than we have not because sometimes
when you you fight with your African parents and they
bring up something they used to do as a kid,
(09:27):
they're like, whoa talk about your inner child lug? You know.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
And I think our story as black people, people of color, Africans, Zimbabweans,
we can go on women. I think there's a lot
of things we've had to fight if you think about
women in general, like the right to vote, the right
to you know, our own bodies, the right Then you
(09:54):
go like slavery, then you go colonization, then you go
like for or economic empowerment, so many things you constantly
have to fight for. So, as you rightly said, we've
all suffered. So it's like, so what now we have
to go? That's how I think we've survived. Yeah, it's
just you keep survival mode. Yeah, literally, otherwise we do.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
You don't have time, like even when you think about
it now bringing it into our context now people who
are living in war tone areas, or you don't have
time to be like, ah, what did happen last week?
Living for today for the now service. So I feel
like sometimes we as a people, we are stuck there
and we're still living in such a way and I
(10:37):
know this season where like about soft life and leaning
into a feminine, but definitely our masculine is right up
there because we've had to dig deep and do things
that are you know, to make things work, and for
so long. And when you do that for so long
and that's all you know to unpack that, it's a lot.
It's a lot.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
And sometimes I find for me it manners first. And
even when I don't need to be the fighter yeah
or strong's I'm already in that, and it's like you
have to take note that no someone wants to help me,
or I.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
Don't have to trusting someone else.
Speaker 1 (11:13):
Trusting someone else, So then it's like you're constantly having
to check yourself that Okay, you don't need to fight this. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
Why do you think Zimbabwans especially have unresolved trauma?
Speaker 1 (11:24):
I think, as I alluded to, like when you've been
colonized and then you have to go through a war
to like liberate yourself as a country. So you've seen
a lot, right, So there's that aspect. Then the world
opens up to you and you're like, okay, now we
have our freedom. But I don't think talking about trauma
or mental health was a thing back in the eighties
(11:45):
when we were liberated. So then ow it was like
get on with this economic freedom, so to speak. And
then obviously we know what happened, you know with farm
invasions and so on and so forth, and theymy spiraling
as a result, and political issues and all these things.
So things have just started coming at us from all
(12:07):
angles and losing you know, wealth overnight or you know,
investments overnight, and then just trying to make ends meet.
Then you're trying to just make sure your children are educated,
You're trying to start air life somewhere. You all these things,
so literally it just survive. You need to survive, go go.
There's no time because if you sit in it, you'll
(12:30):
never get out of it, right. And then there's other
aspects socially, right, like domestic violence we've spoken about before.
There's the patriarchy side of things where what I say
goes no matter how you feel, how you're suffering in
this context, abuse, emotional, financial abuses, rife because of the economy,
(12:51):
So there's all these things that are just like blowing up.
And then on a global scale, like I've about war
and you know it, then a phobia and tensions between
nations and it's a lot. So when you're just trying
to navigate that, I think sometimes people are like, why
do I need to suddenly figure out my emotions here?
(13:11):
We keep it moving.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Yeah, yeah, and you don't want to kick us kicking
up dust. Right, stuff is settled or seemingly settled, and
you don't want to be the one who's like, people are,
come on, man, now in twenty twenty five, why I
bring up things from like twenty years ago. But I
think that's the only way it can be resolved, like
going back and actually, and also I think for Zimbabweans
in particular, it's like like for us, we both said,
(13:37):
you know, we left zim and then now we're trying
to deal with childhood trauma or whatever, but we also
have a soft landing place after because all these things
are brought up to the surface and then it's like
you need to start dealing with them, right, and then
the space you're now in needs to support that past
trauma for you to be able to deal. So I
feel like Zimbabwans don't still feel safe yet at all,
(13:58):
so then it's like, well, as long as they're unsafe,
then they have to say survive a mode because they
can't be soft and and furl and open and let
you in, because then that leaves them vulnerable, right because
the space they're still in is still doesn't support them
being said.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
You know, it begs the question I'm going to ask you.
As the season we've been about the soft girl era
and like celebrating our soft side? Are we lucky and
privilege that we even tend to have that for sure?
And the guilt associated that, Okay, we get to have this.
(14:36):
And this is another thing where social media gets very
tricky is that you know, you see other people living
the soft you know, jet setting, what what, and there's
other people who have a completely different experience of it,
and it's saying it's possible and we also want that.
I don't think people are sitting there suffering saying I
don't want a good life or a soft life, but
(14:58):
their privilege of well, it is it's definitely very privileged.
I mean, even having this conversation right now in this
beautiful setting, it's a privileged space, a safe space, but
it is it only does come with access and privilege. Yes,
you know, I'm sure girls in Zimbabwe would love to
swop with us right now in a rearly second, right,
But then.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
It's like that's not reality.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
And I think sometimes you have to keep checking yourself
and say, like, yes, life is harder because you know,
even when you're living away from home, you have to
work twice three times as hard to get half as much.
But sometimes taking stock and saying, oh, at least I've
gotten to do this, and I've gotten and the space
is safe. Exactly exactly how does trauma affect our relationships
(15:46):
and self like relationship with self and with others as
a result.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Like it per me, it's in you, everything doesn't like I.
I mean, we just talked about having kids on not
having kids and a lot of people's birth stories of
how they bring these kids into the world. I filled
with trauma and for my own personal journey, I obviously
my mom passed away when I was younger, so then
(16:13):
I didn't have the softness of a mother when I
had my own child. You know, I love seeing those
tiktoks when like they're like, oh, you know, my my
mom was excited about the kid, but she also has
her own baby who just had a baby. You know,
you see the mom rushing in and like trying to
like touch the daughter and the grandchild is another thought,
(16:33):
which is beautiful for me to see, right, But then
I obviously didn't get to experience that where it's like, okay,
from birth, I'm already still just solo, and obviously you
try to find your own ways. My cousin came over
to help me, but it's not the same and she
wasn't trying to take up that role, which is fine,
but like it just makes you think, oh my gosh,
(16:54):
it's gone through such a traumatic event and further trauma
of not having the right person or the person I
think is right to support me through. So I feel
like it's just one of those things where it's it
keeps coming up, right, the fact that I lost my
mom young. I lost my mom, and it is a
traumatic thing and it's not something you can just be like,
(17:15):
oh yeah, I've done with it now. It will always
but not always be moments. But I think now the
key is how do you deal with it? You know,
you can sit there and wallow, of course, and some
days you need it, you need to have that ca
tactic feeling of crying it all out. But some days
you just realize you know what, at least I could
still have been my cousin here. At least a roomby
(17:36):
could come over, you know, at least you know too,
could come over and help me. I have a supportive partner, like, so,
it's one of those things where you you let yourself
go there, but then you also let yourself be kind
to yourself. Well it does. It does permeate into everything,
you know, and that's why therapy also comes in clurks,
but also therapy, as you said, is.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
A privileged face privilege. I think trauma shows up in
how you relate in relationships like partnership, friendship. Like for me,
sometimes I'm like, if I'm going through a challenging especially
with friends, I'm like, well I can move on, Like
I don't. I'm quick to just like shut off. And
(18:19):
I think that is a trauma response.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Right, yeah, I won't be hurt, so I'll just shut
I'll be fine.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
I don't mean anybody anyway, you know. So you see
that and you have to actively work on like, Okay,
let's how do we move through this in this relationship.
I think it shows up in sometimes not letting your
guard down. I think for a long time, I don't
trust men. Yeah, And I mean men don't make it
(18:45):
easy for us to trust them. I'm just like, not
all men, you know, I think they're the oposite. I
think there's some sort of you know, but aside from that,
like learning to allow yourself to be loved, for someone
to be gentle with you, and not expect the worst always,
Like I think you start thinking all the way, oh
you're gon' turn now, Okay, this is gonna switch up now,
(19:08):
which is very sad. Yeah, but it is a trauma
response because I think how many aunts and relatives, mothers,
cousins did we see growing up going through some really
traumatic relationships where you're like, why do people get married?
Why do people try and have partners or children together?
(19:28):
So a lot of and learning has to be done
and consuming different content, Like I think sometimes the negative
is always so prevalent, and then the good is not
always to the surface, and we don't shine a light
on it enough. But you know, there's I really thinking,
(19:49):
there's a scale all the time. There's negative and there's positive,
and you really have to seek out the positive to help.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Yeah, And I feel like trauma is mainly sometimes the
trauma response rather reflection because in the moment, you just
like it literally is instinctual, primal. I feel like you
have to get to a huge level of work to
realize you're having a trauma response. When you're having the
trauma response, usually a lot of times that's when you
(20:15):
have to get comfortable with apologizing. So the apologies to
your friends when you're like, do something like out of character,
then you're like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. You
know this space I'm in or this reminded me of
this and that. So I feel like it's also having
safe people around you that you know, you don't have
to explain yourself to every single person you meet. But
(20:35):
sometimes when you do something that's really especially when it's
in the negative and like shouting at people, raising your voice,
all these kinds of things which might also end up
triggering someone else, we have to always reflect and bring
ourselves back and find explanation and then also find ways
of coping. Yes, because you don't exist healthy. Yeah, you
(20:59):
can't just shout it every and sorry.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
And you know, we talk about this often.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
There's a lot of.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
Therapy speak where people try and use therapy to use
their behavior. Jonah Hill and you know, being douchebags, and
you know I didn't. I don't like you because talking
to other men, because it's a traumat and I think
it triggers are going to fix yourself?
Speaker 2 (21:20):
Yeah, yeah, type of be able to talk to you exactly.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
And I think for me, something I've I heard not
too long ago was that emotions last for a couple
of seconds, if you know, like, and so it's about
how long we allow ourselves in that. So I think
similarly with trauma responses. I think it's normal to feel
on emotion, and as you work through it, maybe it
(21:43):
becomes less extreme, maybe less where it comes. Yes, it
doesn't last as long. And I think it's normal to
feel certain things, but it's how we then address it.
So it's like this hurts me. You could sit in there,
I'm so hurt on me, I'm the victim, and you
can wallow for life or you know, weeks on it.
(22:05):
But it's like this hurt me? Why did it hurt me?
And why does it bring up these feelings? And what
could be done differently? Is it something I could have done?
Is it something that could have been done by someone else?
And how do I go from allowing ourselves to feel
but also saying Okay, clearly I still feel triggered by this.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
I need to work on yeah, because yeah, I'm being
a douchebag. Does not or feeling a trauma responses being
like still still a douche, your douche and you see it.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Yeahs have gone more and more of these men are coming.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
On look at but that's mainly men. It's not like common.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
They're like, oh, you know ramses like saying oh because
and I'm like, no, don't do that. Yeah, yeah, I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
If I trauma as a migrant in America, you can't
take it out on the Americans. You want to get
like yeah, I feel like I feel like yeah, therapies
speak and people saying oh I'm traumatized has become trivialized
as well, so it's like people just use it as
like almost like a badge of but in a.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Bad way comes the trauma bonding. He's telling her people died,
and he's meeting her dad and saying can I have animal?
And the next thing is like I never want to
see you again.
Speaker 2 (23:32):
Then they didn't have fun in their relationship because that's because.
Speaker 1 (23:36):
You're basing all that. And I think I think something
we need to learn in life. Just because someone tells
you all their trauma doesn't mean that it makes a
relationship stronger. Yeah, I don't know. It doesn't make the
relationship more valuable for because, as we say, trauma bonding.
But I think it's like you shouldn't celebrate like, oh,
(23:57):
they opened up for me, It's like, how are they
healing from this?
Speaker 2 (24:00):
Is probably those are questions you need to be and
why the trauma dumping on me?
Speaker 1 (24:05):
There's exactly I think we used to especially I think
when we were growing up, like when guys didn't open up.
So when a guy like opened up a little bit, like,
oh my gosh, she's confiding, Yeah, specially confiding or is
it dumping and then just like moving on?
Speaker 2 (24:20):
And guys are really good with that. A lot of
couples break up after something traumatic happens, losing a child,
you know, miscarriages, all these things, because it's hard when
you're both trying to deal and to also be there
for each other. So and that's sometimes really the only
thing is therapy where you can deal with such. But
what do you think about our people, because obviously miscarriages
(24:42):
and death in the family or whatever it is still
happens in spaces where therapy is not so accessible or acceptable.
How do you think they themselves at the funeral? Do
you reckon they just use religion in that space.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
I think our people don't have much in terms of
like money, or like self like healing, in terms of therapy,
as you said, and like all these things. So one
thing we cling onto is religion. But I think we
need to be very clear. Religion helps to give hope,
(25:23):
but it can't be the only answer for everything, because
I think sometimes we use religion to suppress feelings and
to say everything.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
Is all right, there's the reason, God, God.
Speaker 1 (25:38):
We don't we force acceptance without going through the steps
of grief, do you understand? And anger? And we just
say it is what it is and must accept And
we almost hide behind religion as a way of like
all will be well, but are you well? Are you
truly well? And will it be well for you?
Speaker 2 (25:59):
And you see it all the time with Zimbabweans, like
if you just randomly walk into a and ask someone
a question or annoying them, they'll you will try to
physically harm you because it's like get out of my mind,
Like it's just yeah, we are so quick to you
have these like negative emotions because really, underneath it all,
we're so dissatisfied with so many things, so disappointed in
so many ways. That doesn't take much to trigger.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Yeah, not at all.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Like I remember even you know, when you do something
for I'll pay you them, and no pay me now,
because there's that you won't get that you won't pay
and you'll run away and you're thinking No. Usually with
businesses we do fifty percent, like it's just normal, you know,
a deposit before and then after the job. But then
they're just so worried that we sometimes they need the
money to then also has of other things, so it's
(26:45):
like there is so much there to unpack. I feel
as the people do you.
Speaker 1 (26:50):
Think and the barb Wins will ever get right or
feel right.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
I feel like as long as the space isn't safe, no,
then no, I don't.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Know if you'l and see it or not. And it
really hurts to say in our generation are people doing well?
Speaker 2 (27:04):
You know what made me think that when we had
a bit of relief when the US dollar first started
and now things are flowing there when things tightened again,
now you can't get get us easily. You actually rely
on these remittance agencies. And then when the cos is
like having to go overseas to England mainly to do
care work jobs, people like rush to it. So it's
(27:25):
like I feel like, yeah, we're just still figuring it out,
trying to We're still in survival mode.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
If there's one thing about Zimbabweans, we are survivors. I
think that is one thing we'll make away and tug
it out. And I think it's a blessing and a curse.
But you, yeah, have we been through that?
Speaker 2 (27:47):
How do you reckon? We can seek help with resolve
in Frome. I mean, I Alwa's talked about therapy, but
even on a day to day.
Speaker 1 (27:54):
I think it's what you feed yourself, whether it's what
you listen to, what you watch, what who you follow,
what you're reading, It's all the ways and your community,
who you surround yourself with. If you surround yourself with
people who continuously bring you down and are negative, I
think you need to realize that things within your power
(28:16):
to control, and those are things like sometimes you don't
necessarily choose your family, but you can choose your friends,
You can choose way spend your time. You can choose
you know, what you read, what you ingest that all.
And it's a lot of also self talk, like how
do you perceive yourself? And are you kind to yourself?
Like something that I've had to learn is to be
(28:38):
kind to my inner child and allow her to speak
up sometimes when I never listen to her. Like, so
sometimes you be like I feel very neglected or I
feel very unsafe here or not protected, or you didn't
have my back when you sort of choose to appease
someone else over your own feelings, like I can bring
up those traumas and then it's like, oh, actually I
(29:00):
need to speak up for myself or look out for myself. Yeah,
And it's being really in tune with self and taking
that time journaling. You know, I'm a proponent.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
This is a journal Curd. I mean, I mean essentially
you've said at all, it's like identifying your triggers and
in some ways trying to manage that, you know, and
also your coping mechanisms. Yeah, alcohol not being one of them. Please.
You know, I know a lot of people like you know,
drugs and alcohol to forget it all or to but
really long term, you're not forgetting it at all, you're
(29:32):
just setting it aside for another time. You're sitting aside
for your future, you know. So I feel like and maybe, yeah,
sometimes we do look within communities if you don't have
therapy accessible people to reach out to, people you can
trust to not to trauma dump so to speak as much,
but just to work through things. And sometimes I feel,
(29:53):
especially if your trauma is recent, the quicker you get
to it the bear. So sometimes you're like, I don't
know if African parents have been telling you a story
from tittis my guy. Yeah, because and only when it
starts to fast, they also start to lose perspective, like
now the story is told with a bit of spice,
(30:15):
but over years you've mouthed over it, a mouth recreated
and yeah, and that's something quite what happened or how
you know. And sometimes it's misunderstandings too, within family structures especially,
So I feel like with trauma, the sooner you can address,
oh there's a problem here and try to find ways
to resolve it. The quicker, sometimes you don't get the opportunity.
(30:37):
You know, people have been displaced and lost, the people
in Ukraine and starts to done. All these people lost
their homes. You can't really just you know, it's something
you have to really work through as a family. Yeah,
but I feel like actually even recognizing it's there true
is also quite crucial.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
True. Well, thank you so much. Thank you for being
a safe space for me to work of my trouses.
Thank you guys for listening as always. We appreciate it,
and we'll see you guys on the next episode.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Bye, guys to those
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