May 25, 2025 • 29 mins
Beyond the myths and mysteries of Sex and why it’s so taboo, we felt it important to delve into Sex for People of Colour. Why is it so hard for us to talk about? How do we handle being hypersexualised at a young age and losing our innocence? What is our hope for People of Colour when it comes to sex and healing?
We were joined by the immensely profound Nadine Atia of Aateeyah Sexology who spoke on the trauma that First Nations and People of Colour carry and how it manifests into our sexuality and sex life.
Keep up with Nadine and all she’s up to:
Instagram: @aateeyah.sexology
Website: Aateeyah Sexology
We had the pleasure of recording this season at Bittersweet Studios (@bittersweet.studios_)
The gorgeous set up for this season was done by the amazing Pink Lady Picnics: (@pinkladypicnics)
We'd love to hear from you!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Did your mother tell you about sex? No, we're like
shipped away to biology class.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
What is your wish for people of color? People?
Speaker 3 (00:09):
You work with First Nations people, black people, What is
your wish for those who are essentially at a disadvantage
a lot of the time, Oh, don't.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
Come for us?
Speaker 5 (00:23):
Left the group checks resurrecting who I was sexually before
being a month and after being it's particularly different people.
Speaker 6 (00:48):
Mom, always always be careful, love those Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
I'm Amanda, and I'm welcome to its layered podcasts.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
We are under the Blackcast network, Power by iHeart, and
today we're recording in the studio in Melbourne.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Yay.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
We're very, very grateful to be here, had Bittersweet studios
with our beautiful setup done by Pink Lady Picnics. That's right,
and today is a very very special episode.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Absolutely, we are thrilled because we heard from the streets.
The streets want to know and they've been wanting for
five seasons to learn a bit more about or talk
a little more about six.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Okay, so we heard you.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Loud and clear, but we didn't want to do you
a disservice and we felt it important to bring on
the experts you know, those who truly understand this work.
Because we don't want to be the blind leading the blind.
It's just too much of that. We have to focus
on the blind. Yes, and we are so thrilled to
have our guest Nadine in studio with us.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Welcome to its Layered podcast. Nadine, thank you so much.
Speaker 7 (01:57):
It's such an honest week for so giggly know.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
I know, we get a bit excited.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Nadin Atya is an experienced counselor, social worker and sex therapists.
Nadine offers counseling and coaching on a variety of issues,
including sexual wellbeing and general mental health. As a woman
of color, we're all about that here, of course. Nadine
holds expertise in working with people from culturally and linguistically
diverse backgrounds, and especially individuals who identify as Muslim.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Her sex positive therapeutic style is inclusive and appreciates clients
backgrounds including gender and sexual diversity. She has much experience
providing counseling to individuals who identify as trans, lesbian, bisexual, gay, queer,
and non identifying. She incorporates her knowledge into use usable
tools on healing, connecting, and rediscovering senses within love making
(02:52):
and se.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
So you guys see why we had to have her here.
We didn't just get anybody, We got the expert. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
And also as a woman of color, how do you
describe yourself? And didn't someone says you're a woman of color?
What does that mean?
Speaker 7 (03:08):
I think it comes from my own dysphoria and my
own identity making. And I think my whole entire profession
was I'm just becoming someone that I needed growing up.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah, my mother's so.
Speaker 6 (03:24):
Proud, long conversations about I like finished my short course
summer civil celebrant, and Mom's like, and who.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Will you be marrying? And there's like that little.
Speaker 7 (03:37):
And I was like, anyone that wants me, yeah, just
stare right back. But really it was about becoming someone
that I needed. And as I take each day, and
I see in further professional developments by uh, let's just
say white people, I'm like, I just don't want any
(03:57):
other person of color to sit in a situ situation
where microaggressions are so obvious that because we speak, it
doesn't exist in twenty first century. You know, get kind
of are or you do, but you're a social worker, Yeah,
I love that one. Yeah, and my manager took my
own work.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
And I think that's why today talking about sex, we're like,
we have to have a people of color aspect because
I think sex for us is completely different. I mean,
first of all, if you look at people mainly look
at porn and movies and whatever, even novels, and if
you think those characters none of them are asked, none
of them.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Look like us or with then hyper sexualize exactly.
Speaker 7 (04:42):
I think because no one wants to talk about that.
Our bodies are political, yes, and if we can't acknowledge
and have that first conversation first, there's no way you're
going to reach orgasm.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Wow.
Speaker 7 (04:52):
Yeah, I think.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
We can really go in.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
But I would love to take a step back and
kind of if you could check how you got into
your work, especially with regards to sexual wellness, sex therapy
and your journey into who you are and also as
a social worker and how that also fits in as well,
if you can take us through that.
Speaker 7 (05:15):
I love sex, Okay, So that's pretty much how it started.
I was like, you know, and I I got my
menstruation at eight, So from eight years old, by the
time I was in grade six, I was like fully hours. Yeah,
and it was a very confusing time because there was
no one to guide me on how to move through
(05:37):
this world that is it.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Yeah, I think that's so commonplace with people of color.
I mean we always talk about that, like did your
mind tell you about sex? No, we're like shipped away
to biology class and you hope for the best.
Speaker 7 (05:50):
And if you go to the right school, maybe they
might not have ripped out the pages that you really
need to know.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
As so many stories.
Speaker 7 (05:57):
But really, and I think, you know, I basically got
a working with children check at a very young age,
and it just was working in the Muslim community, and then.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
It just slowly evolved that what were the.
Speaker 7 (06:09):
Patterns people were disclosing to me were around sexuality, particularly
around what it means to be. And I'm going to
use heteronormative terms because at the time it was a
very heteronormative time as well. It wasn't you know, like
working in the Muslim community at that time, we weren't
even acknowledging drugs and alcohol was an issue for our communities.
(06:31):
So it's it's really sad the spiritual bypassing that happens.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Spiritual bipassing. Yeah, and God's will.
Speaker 7 (06:39):
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it isn't, but all right.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Yeah, and I think it's similar. Right when we talk
about religion, you speak about it in terms of the
Muslim community. For us, it's religious when Christianity is you know,
shut down your throat, and it was just kind of like,
so be it, or we.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Don't do that, like you don't talk about it and
so on.
Speaker 7 (06:58):
So even mine, when I speakiritual, when I seek spiritual guidance,
I seek it from like an indigenous elder who use
a chaplain. Like for me, I think because I am
first foremost advocating for sexual freedom, it does go beyond
one Abrahamic religion because, like I said, our bodies are politicized,
(07:19):
our bodies, and I'm very big on ancestual trauma. So
for one of our you know, is female general mutilation
or cutting, whatever term you'd like to use, has happened
in some form of your lineage, it will somehow manifest
somatically in your own body if you do not do
the work.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Yeah, it has to trauma, it has to live somewhere.
Speaker 7 (07:43):
Yeah, And it's like this is the pattern. Until the
trauma cycle is broken, it will just keep repeating.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Yeah, why do you think sex is so hard for
us to talk about as people of color.
Speaker 7 (07:56):
I think part of it is the colonizers influence of
shame and sex being taboo. I think that's one thing.
I think also sex has really been If we're going
to talk about sex, it's also in the light of
violence and that love and abuse can coexist.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Shout out to bell Hooks.
Speaker 7 (08:17):
But you know that, so it took a lot of unlearning. Yeah,
Like when I first read All about Love, it changed
my life. I was crying, Like I even referred to
bell Hooks as Mumba Hooks, like she just that's what
I needed, Like I needed someone older and wiser to
tell me that I'm not crazy. Yeah, that your body
is unhappy and it's scary because the person who's meant
(08:40):
to love you is not meant to be doing those
things to you. And so unless sex is spoken about
in a very specific light, you get labeled as something derogatory.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
And I always think about, you know, the slave that
was taking to America. I forget her name, which is terrible,
forgive me, and you know she's she was almost put
as an an object that people would stare at because
of her hips her her dairy air all this, and that's.
Speaker 7 (09:12):
Like, yeah, yeah the first you know, I'm not even
with all the respect. I think Peckle Hunters is her
real name. But like when I watched John, when I
watched like Disney, know, I'm like, no one would have
spoke hers and just yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
No one just to no one would be yeah.
Speaker 7 (09:30):
But unfortunately out like yeah that's history.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Yeah it really is.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
That's how it really is.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
And I think that's where the shame you spoke about
came in, because even bodily shame right, having big, bigger hips,
so bigger, I mean unless it's celebrated and hyper sexualized, saying,
but if you don't want to be hyper sexualized and
you just want to be treated as normal, it's really
hard people of color because you don't even see ourselves
in those spaces. I mean only now we have a
beautiful high tea set up. I think the Bridget and
(09:58):
season had a quote unquote girl and I was like,
whoa your main girl?
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (10:05):
And I'm like, wow, this is how behind we are.
We haven't even accepted people.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
With exactly you know.
Speaker 7 (10:12):
What I love is that she's also got beautiful ginger
and I was like, y'are going out with.
Speaker 4 (10:17):
You're like.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Yah and your lady Winter and your lady Sorry.
Speaker 8 (10:30):
Yeah, I haven't watched them that much exactly, and you've
you've tackled something already and started talking about trauma.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
So we want to go there, please please and talk about.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
How trauma plays a role in how we approach sex,
especially as people of color, especially as maybe women.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
There's so many different.
Speaker 7 (10:55):
Like lanes lanes, and the way I personally work is
I was like, I'm not really interested in any kind
of pre checklist or assessment. You can bring it if
you want to, but I'll sit down and cross for
you and like, let's just have a conversation and then
I will work in accordance to that person. Like I
can rid all the theories because I don't know how
(11:15):
their trauma and I need and they don't even need
to tell me the trauma story, but I just need
enough information to know, oh, this is the wound.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
This.
Speaker 7 (11:25):
So you were the first memory you had was nine, okay,
so developmentally we need to work with you as a
nine year old for example. You know, like it really depends,
like I can't put everyone all into one box because
I will disrespect listeners. I will disrespect my companions that
I'm working with because each one is really individual. Sometimes
(11:48):
I can sit there and vape with someone someone I
can garden with another person they want homework, like it
really is so different for each person.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
And how does it affect to these traumas? How do
you see it affecting sexual sexuality especially you said something
also earlier about love and abuse like girl books and
how she talks about they can't co exist, they can't coexist,
but you maybe lived that and as an experience where
I love you, but I'm putting you through this pain
and heartache.
Speaker 7 (12:18):
Because you love the ones you hurt the ones you're
exactly how do.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
You see that manifesting in terms of are people afraid
of their sexuality or how does how does.
Speaker 7 (12:28):
It inability to orgasm performance anxiety severe vaginist Smiths which
means that that's the whole of the vagina, So the
volva is the whole kind of area, but the actual
funnel tunnel is like the vagina, and that will could
be so tight that it's actually non existed to open,
(12:49):
you know, and of course public for physios would have
a lot more knowledge around that. I work more about
the mental health. It's all it's all connected, right, and
you know, we'd work with dilators, so it's really different.
But in a performance anxiety is a really big one.
If I was to pick one, that is like a
common theme and nearly performance anxiety, I am not enough.
(13:12):
What I want and what I would like to do
is you know, oh my god, I can't share that
fantasy because they're going to think I'm a creep or
there's all these different things, and I you know, I'm
really I think the divine that I have the personality
that I have because it takes a lot to freak
me out, It takes a lot to gross me out,
it takes a lot to you know, I'm not please,
no one come to me for a challenge. But like
(13:37):
my intention is saying like I just want you to
know that I can see that you're in pain. And
that's why I use the language companions. I'm sitting side
by side, shoulder or shoulder like I'm your companion until
you say, Nadine, thank you so much, I no longer
need your services or you're not the person for me
at the moment, and then I'm like, okay, I'm done
like the performance anxiety of I Am not enough.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
That's what trauma does.
Speaker 7 (14:01):
Trauman destroys your intuition, your self being your anchor. And
for me, I believe our sexes are anchor. You know
who you are sexually, then you know how to walk
through this world because you know how to be touched,
You know what you will tolerate, you know what you
will not tolerate. You know what gives you pleasure. Therefore
you do more of that because it gives you endorphins
(14:22):
and the dopamine, etc. And or there's other beautiful hormones
I should know the name of, but I don't. Yeah,
if you know yourself sexually, you will know how to
walk through this world.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
That is so true.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
You say that because I obviously recently or two years ago,
had a child, and I find not that my birth
experience wasn't traumatic, but resurrecting who I was sexually before
being a mom and after being it's two completely different people.
You know, you've pushed out a whole human through my
e There's no way it can be the same after.
(14:55):
And I think there's a dormancy that we don't talk
about from motherhood when it comes to and just the
way your body it changes, and obviously your has been expecting.
I think they give you like what six weeks and
then you recover and it's.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Like back at it.
Speaker 4 (15:09):
I have to discover me. I have to discover my whole.
Speaker 7 (15:13):
I would like your thousand you can cover, I would point.
I'm like, first of all, what's.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Your thoughts around that to any mothers out there or
anyone who has lost their sexual spark.
Speaker 7 (15:27):
So my first acknowledgement to those who have have brought
beautiful children into this world is the truth is you
don't have that privilege anymore because it's an adult job
to protect that child and until that child is of age.
I'm so sorry, Mama bearz like you're gonna have to
plan naked Tuesdays with your person to have sex. It's
(15:51):
not gonna be a sporadic evenmore. I'm so And for me,
I am sorry because I love sex and obviously I
don't want you to miss out on it. But I'm
also not so because child's rights and and the amount
of trauma that has happened to our children and to
our babies, and that are still happening. You know, first nation,
children are still the highest rate of children remove from
care to this day like that will impact yeah you know, yeah, yeah,
(16:17):
so to our mothers, I love you, and I say yes,
but you need to plan yourself. You need to prioritize because.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
The world is not going to offer that to you.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
But comfort it will not come.
Speaker 7 (16:29):
You have to create that yourself, unfortunately.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
And I appreciate you saying that because I think a
lot of times people there's this whole thing snap back
to what you used to do, but that's gone. That
was them, and this happened to me and I'm now now,
can't I love me and be enough now? And I
think for a lot of mothers hearing the reality of
that is beautiful.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Yeah it is.
Speaker 7 (16:52):
It's like you've done you you, if anything, you deserve
the break more now because you have this whole entire
being that is your responsibility, and that you know where
you don't live in communities and tribes where a whole
community will children anymore.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
We talk about that often and and really say that
times have shifted and we don't. And that's something it's
so interesting now we're going back to children, like how
we're expected to function and thrive in the Western society,
but we know, culturally we had the literally like the
village to take care of children. It's affecting all aspects.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Of our lives.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
Sounds really a huge expectation for you to jump back
in and just do this and also raise the child
without the support and still be a functioning human.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
All these It's so funny because I always and I
always talk about that, like we were made to feel
like our way was not the right way, and now
we're circling back and realizing, actually, actually it was okay
before you came and told us it wasn't for sure.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
How do we shake off that we were given, especially
around sexual liberation such as slut We talked about hyper sexualization,
hyper sexualization of young girls, and you know especially you know,
we come to you said you got your first period
at eight. I got mine at ten. I remember we
were at school camp, the worst experience for you to
get your first period. And I was like, oh my gosh,
(18:21):
you saw this or the and then of course like
can you tork? Oh you guys, can you know look
about it? All these kind of you know, words that
are thrown at us. How do we liberate ourselves from
those negative connotations that we get, especially pertaining to our
sexuality and who we are.
Speaker 7 (18:40):
I would first gently and lovingly explore why it offends you?
Speaker 4 (18:43):
First, Oh, don't come for us?
Speaker 7 (18:48):
Left the group checks. But I just like, but why does.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
That offend you?
Speaker 7 (18:57):
Like we've got somebody who's not your and for me,
I think about whether you are my equal as in
I will get on the floor, you can get on
my back and I will lift you that kind of equal,
or you're you're not in my world, like I'm gonna
die one day, right, yeah, and your baby's going to
take our place good, So they need leaders. Why does
(19:17):
it offend you? I don't know us. It's a word
that they're trying to bring us down.
Speaker 4 (19:21):
Yeah, they've given meaning to actually.
Speaker 7 (19:24):
Yeah for what maybe they need to go get a
vibrant in a little bit of a couple of hours, you.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Know what amount of time at work?
Speaker 1 (19:31):
I see people and I'm like, yo, you need to
have some ill the tension.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
One hundred percent.
Speaker 7 (19:38):
Go watch whatever toxic shoot you want to get you off.
I don't care, just just like do something.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Relieve, right, yeah, relieve.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
That is such a great answer, Like I'm just like
we need that energy.
Speaker 6 (19:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Twenty twenty five guys, we need that energy.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
I mean for Reimby and I growing up certainly, even
our clothing. I remember like sometimes you'd wear a T
shirt as like a ten year old or eleven year
old and like legging tights and then people be like, oh,
we're a big T shirt.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Kind of have your ass out.
Speaker 4 (20:07):
Like she is ten? Yes, what does the ass have
to do with anything?
Speaker 1 (20:11):
But it's like you are now teaching us ways that
a lot of our people that we look at young
kids and hyper sexualize them.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
And even remember there's a time and you couldn't go
to town to the city center wearing like pants and
I'm not just saying like legging tights, we.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Lose our virginity.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
Yeah, so jeans, And it was like you can't wear that.
And you know, I was reading a book by t
the name has gone off my head and there's a
scene with these girls, like there's a girl wearing looking
nice in the city, wearing a short skirt and they
literally rip it apart in the you know, and then
it's like, how did we become this? And you know,
(20:50):
it's really really sad to know that that is the
reality of you can't be yourself because well if you.
Speaker 7 (20:55):
Can't beat them and join them, and if enough people
call like you know, fear and it's the like it takes.
It takes a lot to go against the grade. It
really does. And I was speaking to you know, I
call him uncle the First Nations, like spiritual leader I
look to and I was like, I'm so sorry, but
(21:16):
Tupac had it right. I want to see you eat,
just not at my table. Yes, it actually comes to
that point.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Now, isn't That's so true.
Speaker 7 (21:24):
Yeah, it's just not at my table. I don't have
time for it because there is so much pain and
it's not getting easier.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
That's what we were saying.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
It's like there's so many things and they keep coming
out of it coming it doesn't end.
Speaker 7 (21:39):
So we need to change.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Yeah, approach is to change.
Speaker 7 (21:43):
Yeah, we need to change ou And I'm not talking
about being like un apologetic just online. I mean you
walk through the world and just going I love with compassion.
I be compassion to the best of my ability. But
I do not mistake my kindness for weekness. Thank you
whoa you know, like I will start like that, but
(22:05):
it will maybe it won't end like that, you know,
Like because I'm and I will say it's because I'm
burnt out or capacity fitting. No, I'm just I'm here
until the day I take my last breath, and so
I need to pace myself, and I will pace myself.
And my first and foremost is to myself. Is my
responsibility to myself and then to my companions, going I'm here,
(22:26):
what do we need to do? And I have turned
companions away, like I'm not someone that will just work
with anybody, because I'm like, if you're ready to.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Do the work, I will be there for you.
Speaker 7 (22:36):
Yeah, But if you're just coming here to event week
after week, I ethically can't work with you.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
At some point that I have to carry that and
move into the forward, into the like I can't be
victim forever.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
You need to take but also I want real change.
Speaker 7 (22:50):
Yeah, And it's about the seeds, right.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
And if somebody is coming and just I'm like, maybe I'm.
Speaker 7 (22:57):
Not the person for you, that's fine, Maybe you're not
that's totally fine.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Mate, blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 7 (23:02):
But at the end of the day, what.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Are we doing?
Speaker 7 (23:07):
And I'm like please, And then next like it's horrific.
I hate that it sounds like a business. But unfortunately,
like our bodies are political, we are running out of time.
Like that's what it feels like. Yes, yeah, like.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Actually that's quite interesting.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
You just brought up how do you I mean, Rumby
and I were sounding boards for each other and this
podcast is part of that. You know, we're trying to
be a sounding board sweetly for black women to come
to and you know, hear tidbits of how they can
cope with life. How do you when your companions or
your clients come to you with all this trauma, especially
sexual trauma, how do you let that live in your body.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
And or release it? Or release it?
Speaker 1 (23:49):
I mean apart from obviously you're a sounding board twist
and extent and you offer them tools, but you're also
a human.
Speaker 7 (23:54):
Right, Yeah, So I'm very transparent when I work with
my companions. I will share things that have happened with me.
Nothing in the last six years. That's my own personal rule.
Like that's just you know. But I dance, and I sing,
and I cry sometimes in front of a mirror, sometimes
not because I could. You know, you just need to
(24:15):
kind of lose yourself to the beat and thematically move
and in trauma, we talk about we.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Need the body keeps the score. The body, it.
Speaker 7 (24:24):
Remembers the body, you know. And that happens because when
a trauma happens, the prefrontal caught. The part of our
brain that's you know, so used to memory kind of
gets sluggish. And our brain is like a computer, so
it's not going to get stored. But the body is like, well,
we got to be remember it, that's right, So then
let's pick up the slack, you know. And so the
body picks up the slacked. No disrespect to the brain,
(24:46):
but you know what I mean. And so for some
if you go into a room and you be like,
I can't tell you why, I can't put words to it,
but I know I don't like this.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Ye, that's it for me. That's telling me.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
I say, vibes, don't lie, vibes like just but it's
literally what's thet.
Speaker 4 (25:05):
When people say something then they say to you, I
didn't mean it like that.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
No, no, no, no no no.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
I caught you the first time you through that statement,
you know, like, yeah, now you're trying to be polite
and get out of it, but you meant what you
said when you said how you said it exactly because you.
Speaker 7 (25:19):
Know in the tone that they're so passionate and that,
and that they're getting away from themselves, so you can
tell that they're not really they're just kind of they're
just talking without process.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
You're right, Yeah, you know.
Speaker 7 (25:31):
That genuine like I'm just trying to make sense of
the senseless.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
And then there's the.
Speaker 7 (25:36):
Something that you shouldn't talk into the grave.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Yeah, what is your wish for people of color?
Speaker 3 (25:44):
People you work with First Nations people, black people, What
is your wish for those who are essentially at a
disadvantage a lot of the time and who trauma is
such an integral of life unfortunately, But what is you said?
(26:04):
We're running out of time, our bodies are political, And
what is your hope or wish through the work you do.
Speaker 7 (26:11):
That we unite, That we unite. That's my hope that
we come together and we don't see anything except you're
my brother, you're my sister, you're my folk. We're family,
and we need to protect each other and protect our own.
That's that's my dream, That's that's my thing of like
I just want people you're not alone. Yeah, no, like
(26:32):
it's I know, I know, I really do. I really
mean that and like even when we first met on
the video call, like, I was just like, anything I
can do to support That's what I don't know.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
My husbands probably gonna kill me.
Speaker 7 (26:45):
But that's one of the things that me and him
argue about.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
It's like, can you relax?
Speaker 7 (26:48):
And I'm like, no, excellence is not just done when
people are around. Excellence is done like, this is discipline, This.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Is who we are. We need to live it.
Speaker 7 (26:59):
We need to because then how the hell do you
have the audacity to walk out in the world with
your head held high if you have two versions of yourself?
Speaker 2 (27:08):
I don't like.
Speaker 7 (27:09):
I guess for me, I don't care if I'm liked anymore.
Like that's what I don't care if I'm like because
I'm like, do you have any idea how many babies
and how much pain is out there? And those sights
of knowledge do not have the voice, but I do
so until they do have their voice and I can
give them the mic and they can stand on my neck.
Yeah cool, But until then, I'm using my privilege. I'm
(27:32):
using my and I'm using all the things that you know.
I'm blessed to have been given and fought and worked
hard for until yeah, someone else can take the bat
and I'm not here forever and I don't want to be.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
I want to I want to pass the battle. I'm like,
tag your yea for sure?
Speaker 4 (27:52):
For sure?
Speaker 7 (27:53):
Wow, thank you so much, No, thank you so much
for my honored to be invited.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
Just before we close, we'd love for you to share
any upcoming project you have or in your work, if
someone wants to engage you in your work, or yeah,
how do we get a hold of you if it's
socials or anything, So if you can just share a
bit about that, and yeah, this is.
Speaker 7 (28:17):
Where I've become really bad at my business and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Don't worry. We also put in the.
Speaker 4 (28:24):
Show notes.
Speaker 7 (28:25):
So if I have an Instagram page, I might have
a Facebook page that's definitely not managed. I do have
a website that all equeries can come through. I always
encourage a come the fifteen minute complimentary console because I
am not for everybody, and not everybody is for me,
like you have to And I say that with so
(28:46):
much love and respect.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
Yeah it has to be both, yeah, right.
Speaker 4 (28:50):
Can you get that?
Speaker 7 (28:51):
And I don't believe trauma work needs to be done
without laughter. We're not letting the fuckers with my last.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
You're allowed to well, you know what I'm making que happiness.
You're very comfortable. This is what I'm I'm so sorry.
I don't know. It's fine and you're right. Don't take
our lights.
Speaker 7 (29:11):
Yeah, I'm so sorry for what for what?
Speaker 2 (29:15):
For a time?
Speaker 7 (29:16):
Maybe about go back into go lick your wounds, as
they say, do your whatever it is that you need.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Come back with the force. Yeah, yeah, let them steal.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
That's a perfect way to end the episode.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
Thank you, Thank.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
You so much, Nadine for coming, Thank you so much
for listening. Thank you so much for your wisdom. You know,
there's so many aspects to sex, and I think it
was really important to us for you to come on
board and check perspective.
Speaker 4 (29:49):
So we're very very grateful.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
Yeah, see you guys on the next episode. Bye.
Did your mother tell you about sex? No, we're like
shipped away to biology class.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
What is your wish for people of color? People?
Speaker 3 (00:09):
You work with First Nations people, black people, What is
your wish for those who are essentially at a disadvantage
a lot of the time, Oh, don't.
Speaker 4 (00:22):
Come for us?
Speaker 5 (00:23):
Left the group checks resurrecting who I was sexually before
being a month and after being it's particularly different people.
Speaker 6 (00:48):
Mom, always always be careful, love those Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
I'm Amanda, and I'm welcome to its layered podcasts.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
We are under the Blackcast network, Power by iHeart, and
today we're recording in the studio in Melbourne.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Yay.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
We're very, very grateful to be here, had Bittersweet studios
with our beautiful setup done by Pink Lady Picnics. That's right,
and today is a very very special episode.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Absolutely, we are thrilled because we heard from the streets.
The streets want to know and they've been wanting for
five seasons to learn a bit more about or talk
a little more about six.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Okay, so we heard you.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Loud and clear, but we didn't want to do you
a disservice and we felt it important to bring on
the experts you know, those who truly understand this work.
Because we don't want to be the blind leading the blind.
It's just too much of that. We have to focus
on the blind. Yes, and we are so thrilled to
have our guest Nadine in studio with us.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Welcome to its Layered podcast. Nadine, thank you so much.
Speaker 7 (01:57):
It's such an honest week for so giggly know.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
I know, we get a bit excited.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Nadin Atya is an experienced counselor, social worker and sex therapists.
Nadine offers counseling and coaching on a variety of issues,
including sexual wellbeing and general mental health. As a woman
of color, we're all about that here, of course. Nadine
holds expertise in working with people from culturally and linguistically
diverse backgrounds, and especially individuals who identify as Muslim.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
Her sex positive therapeutic style is inclusive and appreciates clients
backgrounds including gender and sexual diversity. She has much experience
providing counseling to individuals who identify as trans, lesbian, bisexual, gay, queer,
and non identifying. She incorporates her knowledge into use usable
tools on healing, connecting, and rediscovering senses within love making
(02:52):
and se.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
So you guys see why we had to have her here.
We didn't just get anybody, We got the expert. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
And also as a woman of color, how do you
describe yourself? And didn't someone says you're a woman of color?
What does that mean?
Speaker 7 (03:08):
I think it comes from my own dysphoria and my
own identity making. And I think my whole entire profession
was I'm just becoming someone that I needed growing up.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah, my mother's so.
Speaker 6 (03:24):
Proud, long conversations about I like finished my short course
summer civil celebrant, and Mom's like, and who.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Will you be marrying? And there's like that little.
Speaker 7 (03:37):
And I was like, anyone that wants me, yeah, just
stare right back. But really it was about becoming someone
that I needed. And as I take each day, and
I see in further professional developments by uh, let's just
say white people, I'm like, I just don't want any
(03:57):
other person of color to sit in a situ situation
where microaggressions are so obvious that because we speak, it
doesn't exist in twenty first century. You know, get kind
of are or you do, but you're a social worker, Yeah,
I love that one. Yeah, and my manager took my
own work.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
And I think that's why today talking about sex, we're like,
we have to have a people of color aspect because
I think sex for us is completely different. I mean,
first of all, if you look at people mainly look
at porn and movies and whatever, even novels, and if
you think those characters none of them are asked, none
of them.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Look like us or with then hyper sexualize exactly.
Speaker 7 (04:42):
I think because no one wants to talk about that.
Our bodies are political, yes, and if we can't acknowledge
and have that first conversation first, there's no way you're
going to reach orgasm.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Wow.
Speaker 7 (04:52):
Yeah, I think.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
We can really go in.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
But I would love to take a step back and
kind of if you could check how you got into
your work, especially with regards to sexual wellness, sex therapy
and your journey into who you are and also as
a social worker and how that also fits in as well,
if you can take us through that.
Speaker 7 (05:15):
I love sex, Okay, So that's pretty much how it started.
I was like, you know, and I I got my
menstruation at eight, So from eight years old, by the
time I was in grade six, I was like fully hours. Yeah,
and it was a very confusing time because there was
no one to guide me on how to move through
(05:37):
this world that is it.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Yeah, I think that's so commonplace with people of color.
I mean we always talk about that, like did your
mind tell you about sex? No, we're like shipped away
to biology class and you hope for the best.
Speaker 7 (05:50):
And if you go to the right school, maybe they
might not have ripped out the pages that you really
need to know.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
As so many stories.
Speaker 7 (05:57):
But really, and I think, you know, I basically got
a working with children check at a very young age,
and it just was working in the Muslim community, and then.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
It just slowly evolved that what were the.
Speaker 7 (06:09):
Patterns people were disclosing to me were around sexuality, particularly
around what it means to be. And I'm going to
use heteronormative terms because at the time it was a
very heteronormative time as well. It wasn't you know, like
working in the Muslim community at that time, we weren't
even acknowledging drugs and alcohol was an issue for our communities.
(06:31):
So it's it's really sad the spiritual bypassing that happens.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Spiritual bipassing. Yeah, and God's will.
Speaker 7 (06:39):
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it isn't, but all right.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Yeah, and I think it's similar. Right when we talk
about religion, you speak about it in terms of the
Muslim community. For us, it's religious when Christianity is you know,
shut down your throat, and it was just kind of like,
so be it, or we.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Don't do that, like you don't talk about it and
so on.
Speaker 7 (06:58):
So even mine, when I speakiritual, when I seek spiritual guidance,
I seek it from like an indigenous elder who use
a chaplain. Like for me, I think because I am
first foremost advocating for sexual freedom, it does go beyond
one Abrahamic religion because, like I said, our bodies are politicized,
(07:19):
our bodies, and I'm very big on ancestual trauma. So
for one of our you know, is female general mutilation
or cutting, whatever term you'd like to use, has happened
in some form of your lineage, it will somehow manifest
somatically in your own body if you do not do
the work.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Yeah, it has to trauma, it has to live somewhere.
Speaker 7 (07:43):
Yeah, And it's like this is the pattern. Until the
trauma cycle is broken, it will just keep repeating.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Yeah, why do you think sex is so hard for
us to talk about as people of color.
Speaker 7 (07:56):
I think part of it is the colonizers influence of
shame and sex being taboo. I think that's one thing.
I think also sex has really been If we're going
to talk about sex, it's also in the light of
violence and that love and abuse can coexist.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Shout out to bell Hooks.
Speaker 7 (08:17):
But you know that, so it took a lot of unlearning. Yeah,
Like when I first read All about Love, it changed
my life. I was crying, Like I even referred to
bell Hooks as Mumba Hooks, like she just that's what
I needed, Like I needed someone older and wiser to
tell me that I'm not crazy. Yeah, that your body
is unhappy and it's scary because the person who's meant
(08:40):
to love you is not meant to be doing those
things to you. And so unless sex is spoken about
in a very specific light, you get labeled as something derogatory.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
And I always think about, you know, the slave that
was taking to America. I forget her name, which is terrible,
forgive me, and you know she's she was almost put
as an an object that people would stare at because
of her hips her her dairy air all this, and that's.
Speaker 7 (09:12):
Like, yeah, yeah the first you know, I'm not even
with all the respect. I think Peckle Hunters is her
real name. But like when I watched John, when I
watched like Disney, know, I'm like, no one would have
spoke hers and just yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
No one just to no one would be yeah.
Speaker 7 (09:30):
But unfortunately out like yeah that's history.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Yeah it really is.
Speaker 4 (09:36):
That's how it really is.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
And I think that's where the shame you spoke about
came in, because even bodily shame right, having big, bigger hips,
so bigger, I mean unless it's celebrated and hyper sexualized, saying,
but if you don't want to be hyper sexualized and
you just want to be treated as normal, it's really
hard people of color because you don't even see ourselves
in those spaces. I mean only now we have a
beautiful high tea set up. I think the Bridget and
(09:58):
season had a quote unquote girl and I was like,
whoa your main girl?
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Wow?
Speaker 1 (10:05):
And I'm like, wow, this is how behind we are.
We haven't even accepted people.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
With exactly you know.
Speaker 7 (10:12):
What I love is that she's also got beautiful ginger
and I was like, y'are going out with.
Speaker 4 (10:17):
You're like.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
Yah and your lady Winter and your lady Sorry.
Speaker 8 (10:30):
Yeah, I haven't watched them that much exactly, and you've
you've tackled something already and started talking about trauma.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
So we want to go there, please please and talk about.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
How trauma plays a role in how we approach sex,
especially as people of color, especially as maybe women.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
There's so many different.
Speaker 7 (10:55):
Like lanes lanes, and the way I personally work is
I was like, I'm not really interested in any kind
of pre checklist or assessment. You can bring it if
you want to, but I'll sit down and cross for
you and like, let's just have a conversation and then
I will work in accordance to that person. Like I
can rid all the theories because I don't know how
(11:15):
their trauma and I need and they don't even need
to tell me the trauma story, but I just need
enough information to know, oh, this is the wound.
Speaker 2 (11:24):
This.
Speaker 7 (11:25):
So you were the first memory you had was nine, okay,
so developmentally we need to work with you as a
nine year old for example. You know, like it really depends,
like I can't put everyone all into one box because
I will disrespect listeners. I will disrespect my companions that
I'm working with because each one is really individual. Sometimes
(11:48):
I can sit there and vape with someone someone I
can garden with another person they want homework, like it
really is so different for each person.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
And how does it affect to these traumas? How do
you see it affecting sexual sexuality especially you said something
also earlier about love and abuse like girl books and
how she talks about they can't co exist, they can't coexist,
but you maybe lived that and as an experience where
I love you, but I'm putting you through this pain
and heartache.
Speaker 7 (12:18):
Because you love the ones you hurt the ones you're
exactly how do.
Speaker 3 (12:22):
You see that manifesting in terms of are people afraid
of their sexuality or how does how does.
Speaker 7 (12:28):
It inability to orgasm performance anxiety severe vaginist Smiths which
means that that's the whole of the vagina, So the
volva is the whole kind of area, but the actual
funnel tunnel is like the vagina, and that will could
be so tight that it's actually non existed to open,
(12:49):
you know, and of course public for physios would have
a lot more knowledge around that. I work more about
the mental health. It's all it's all connected, right, and
you know, we'd work with dilators, so it's really different.
But in a performance anxiety is a really big one.
If I was to pick one, that is like a
common theme and nearly performance anxiety, I am not enough.
(13:12):
What I want and what I would like to do
is you know, oh my god, I can't share that
fantasy because they're going to think I'm a creep or
there's all these different things, and I you know, I'm
really I think the divine that I have the personality
that I have because it takes a lot to freak
me out, It takes a lot to gross me out,
it takes a lot to you know, I'm not please,
no one come to me for a challenge. But like
(13:37):
my intention is saying like I just want you to
know that I can see that you're in pain. And
that's why I use the language companions. I'm sitting side
by side, shoulder or shoulder like I'm your companion until
you say, Nadine, thank you so much, I no longer
need your services or you're not the person for me
at the moment, and then I'm like, okay, I'm done
like the performance anxiety of I Am not enough.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
That's what trauma does.
Speaker 7 (14:01):
Trauman destroys your intuition, your self being your anchor. And
for me, I believe our sexes are anchor. You know
who you are sexually, then you know how to walk
through this world because you know how to be touched,
You know what you will tolerate, you know what you
will not tolerate. You know what gives you pleasure. Therefore
you do more of that because it gives you endorphins
(14:22):
and the dopamine, etc. And or there's other beautiful hormones
I should know the name of, but I don't. Yeah,
if you know yourself sexually, you will know how to
walk through this world.
Speaker 4 (14:32):
That is so true.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
You say that because I obviously recently or two years ago,
had a child, and I find not that my birth
experience wasn't traumatic, but resurrecting who I was sexually before
being a mom and after being it's two completely different people.
You know, you've pushed out a whole human through my
e There's no way it can be the same after.
(14:55):
And I think there's a dormancy that we don't talk
about from motherhood when it comes to and just the
way your body it changes, and obviously your has been expecting.
I think they give you like what six weeks and
then you recover and it's.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Like back at it.
Speaker 4 (15:09):
I have to discover me. I have to discover my whole.
Speaker 7 (15:13):
I would like your thousand you can cover, I would point.
I'm like, first of all, what's.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Your thoughts around that to any mothers out there or
anyone who has lost their sexual spark.
Speaker 7 (15:27):
So my first acknowledgement to those who have have brought
beautiful children into this world is the truth is you
don't have that privilege anymore because it's an adult job
to protect that child and until that child is of age.
I'm so sorry, Mama bearz like you're gonna have to
plan naked Tuesdays with your person to have sex. It's
(15:51):
not gonna be a sporadic evenmore. I'm so And for me,
I am sorry because I love sex and obviously I
don't want you to miss out on it. But I'm
also not so because child's rights and and the amount
of trauma that has happened to our children and to
our babies, and that are still happening. You know, first nation,
children are still the highest rate of children remove from
care to this day like that will impact yeah you know, yeah, yeah,
(16:17):
so to our mothers, I love you, and I say yes,
but you need to plan yourself. You need to prioritize because.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
The world is not going to offer that to you.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
But comfort it will not come.
Speaker 7 (16:29):
You have to create that yourself, unfortunately.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
And I appreciate you saying that because I think a
lot of times people there's this whole thing snap back
to what you used to do, but that's gone. That
was them, and this happened to me and I'm now now,
can't I love me and be enough now? And I
think for a lot of mothers hearing the reality of
that is beautiful.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Yeah it is.
Speaker 7 (16:52):
It's like you've done you you, if anything, you deserve
the break more now because you have this whole entire
being that is your responsibility, and that you know where
you don't live in communities and tribes where a whole
community will children anymore.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
We talk about that often and and really say that
times have shifted and we don't. And that's something it's
so interesting now we're going back to children, like how
we're expected to function and thrive in the Western society,
but we know, culturally we had the literally like the
village to take care of children. It's affecting all aspects.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
Of our lives.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
Sounds really a huge expectation for you to jump back
in and just do this and also raise the child
without the support and still be a functioning human.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
All these It's so funny because I always and I
always talk about that, like we were made to feel
like our way was not the right way, and now
we're circling back and realizing, actually, actually it was okay
before you came and told us it wasn't for sure.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
How do we shake off that we were given, especially
around sexual liberation such as slut We talked about hyper sexualization,
hyper sexualization of young girls, and you know especially you know,
we come to you said you got your first period
at eight. I got mine at ten. I remember we
were at school camp, the worst experience for you to
get your first period. And I was like, oh my gosh,
(18:21):
you saw this or the and then of course like
can you tork? Oh you guys, can you know look
about it? All these kind of you know, words that
are thrown at us. How do we liberate ourselves from
those negative connotations that we get, especially pertaining to our
sexuality and who we are.
Speaker 7 (18:40):
I would first gently and lovingly explore why it offends you?
Speaker 4 (18:43):
First, Oh, don't come for us?
Speaker 7 (18:48):
Left the group checks. But I just like, but why does.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
That offend you?
Speaker 7 (18:57):
Like we've got somebody who's not your and for me,
I think about whether you are my equal as in
I will get on the floor, you can get on
my back and I will lift you that kind of equal,
or you're you're not in my world, like I'm gonna
die one day, right, yeah, and your baby's going to
take our place good, So they need leaders. Why does
(19:17):
it offend you? I don't know us. It's a word
that they're trying to bring us down.
Speaker 4 (19:21):
Yeah, they've given meaning to actually.
Speaker 7 (19:24):
Yeah for what maybe they need to go get a
vibrant in a little bit of a couple of hours, you.
Speaker 2 (19:29):
Know what amount of time at work?
Speaker 1 (19:31):
I see people and I'm like, yo, you need to
have some ill the tension.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
One hundred percent.
Speaker 7 (19:38):
Go watch whatever toxic shoot you want to get you off.
I don't care, just just like do something.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Relieve, right, yeah, relieve.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
That is such a great answer, Like I'm just like
we need that energy.
Speaker 6 (19:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Twenty twenty five guys, we need that energy.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
I mean for Reimby and I growing up certainly, even
our clothing. I remember like sometimes you'd wear a T
shirt as like a ten year old or eleven year
old and like legging tights and then people be like, oh,
we're a big T shirt.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Kind of have your ass out.
Speaker 4 (20:07):
Like she is ten? Yes, what does the ass have
to do with anything?
Speaker 1 (20:11):
But it's like you are now teaching us ways that
a lot of our people that we look at young
kids and hyper sexualize them.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
And even remember there's a time and you couldn't go
to town to the city center wearing like pants and
I'm not just saying like legging tights, we.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Lose our virginity.
Speaker 3 (20:28):
Yeah, so jeans, And it was like you can't wear that.
And you know, I was reading a book by t
the name has gone off my head and there's a
scene with these girls, like there's a girl wearing looking
nice in the city, wearing a short skirt and they
literally rip it apart in the you know, and then
it's like, how did we become this? And you know,
(20:50):
it's really really sad to know that that is the
reality of you can't be yourself because well if you.
Speaker 7 (20:55):
Can't beat them and join them, and if enough people
call like you know, fear and it's the like it takes.
It takes a lot to go against the grade. It
really does. And I was speaking to you know, I
call him uncle the First Nations, like spiritual leader I
look to and I was like, I'm so sorry, but
(21:16):
Tupac had it right. I want to see you eat,
just not at my table. Yes, it actually comes to
that point.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
Now, isn't That's so true.
Speaker 7 (21:24):
Yeah, it's just not at my table. I don't have
time for it because there is so much pain and
it's not getting easier.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
That's what we were saying.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
It's like there's so many things and they keep coming
out of it coming it doesn't end.
Speaker 7 (21:39):
So we need to change.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
Yeah, approach is to change.
Speaker 7 (21:43):
Yeah, we need to change ou And I'm not talking
about being like un apologetic just online. I mean you
walk through the world and just going I love with compassion.
I be compassion to the best of my ability. But
I do not mistake my kindness for weekness. Thank you
whoa you know, like I will start like that, but
(22:05):
it will maybe it won't end like that, you know,
Like because I'm and I will say it's because I'm
burnt out or capacity fitting. No, I'm just I'm here
until the day I take my last breath, and so
I need to pace myself, and I will pace myself.
And my first and foremost is to myself. Is my
responsibility to myself and then to my companions, going I'm here,
(22:26):
what do we need to do? And I have turned
companions away, like I'm not someone that will just work
with anybody, because I'm like, if you're ready to.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Do the work, I will be there for you.
Speaker 7 (22:36):
Yeah, But if you're just coming here to event week
after week, I ethically can't work with you.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
At some point that I have to carry that and
move into the forward, into the like I can't be
victim forever.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
You need to take but also I want real change.
Speaker 7 (22:50):
Yeah, And it's about the seeds, right.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
And if somebody is coming and just I'm like, maybe I'm.
Speaker 7 (22:57):
Not the person for you, that's fine, Maybe you're not
that's totally fine.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Mate, blah blah blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 7 (23:02):
But at the end of the day, what.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
Are we doing?
Speaker 7 (23:07):
And I'm like please, And then next like it's horrific.
I hate that it sounds like a business. But unfortunately,
like our bodies are political, we are running out of time.
Like that's what it feels like. Yes, yeah, like.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Actually that's quite interesting.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
You just brought up how do you I mean, Rumby
and I were sounding boards for each other and this
podcast is part of that. You know, we're trying to
be a sounding board sweetly for black women to come
to and you know, hear tidbits of how they can
cope with life. How do you when your companions or
your clients come to you with all this trauma, especially
sexual trauma, how do you let that live in your body.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
And or release it? Or release it?
Speaker 1 (23:49):
I mean apart from obviously you're a sounding board twist
and extent and you offer them tools, but you're also
a human.
Speaker 7 (23:54):
Right, Yeah, So I'm very transparent when I work with
my companions. I will share things that have happened with me.
Nothing in the last six years. That's my own personal rule.
Like that's just you know. But I dance, and I sing,
and I cry sometimes in front of a mirror, sometimes
not because I could. You know, you just need to
(24:15):
kind of lose yourself to the beat and thematically move
and in trauma, we talk about we.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
Need the body keeps the score. The body, it.
Speaker 7 (24:24):
Remembers the body, you know. And that happens because when
a trauma happens, the prefrontal caught. The part of our
brain that's you know, so used to memory kind of
gets sluggish. And our brain is like a computer, so
it's not going to get stored. But the body is like, well,
we got to be remember it, that's right, So then
let's pick up the slack, you know. And so the
body picks up the slacked. No disrespect to the brain,
(24:46):
but you know what I mean. And so for some
if you go into a room and you be like,
I can't tell you why, I can't put words to it,
but I know I don't like this.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
Ye, that's it for me. That's telling me.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
I say, vibes, don't lie, vibes like just but it's
literally what's thet.
Speaker 4 (25:05):
When people say something then they say to you, I
didn't mean it like that.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
No, no, no, no no no.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
I caught you the first time you through that statement,
you know, like, yeah, now you're trying to be polite
and get out of it, but you meant what you
said when you said how you said it exactly because you.
Speaker 7 (25:19):
Know in the tone that they're so passionate and that,
and that they're getting away from themselves, so you can
tell that they're not really they're just kind of they're
just talking without process.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
You're right, Yeah, you know.
Speaker 7 (25:31):
That genuine like I'm just trying to make sense of
the senseless.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
And then there's the.
Speaker 7 (25:36):
Something that you shouldn't talk into the grave.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
Yeah, what is your wish for people of color?
Speaker 3 (25:44):
People you work with First Nations people, black people, What
is your wish for those who are essentially at a
disadvantage a lot of the time and who trauma is
such an integral of life unfortunately, But what is you said?
(26:04):
We're running out of time, our bodies are political, And
what is your hope or wish through the work you do.
Speaker 7 (26:11):
That we unite, That we unite. That's my hope that
we come together and we don't see anything except you're
my brother, you're my sister, you're my folk. We're family,
and we need to protect each other and protect our own.
That's that's my dream, That's that's my thing of like
I just want people you're not alone. Yeah, no, like
(26:32):
it's I know, I know, I really do. I really
mean that and like even when we first met on
the video call, like, I was just like, anything I
can do to support That's what I don't know.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
My husbands probably gonna kill me.
Speaker 7 (26:45):
But that's one of the things that me and him
argue about.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
It's like, can you relax?
Speaker 7 (26:48):
And I'm like, no, excellence is not just done when
people are around. Excellence is done like, this is discipline, This.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
Is who we are. We need to live it.
Speaker 7 (26:59):
We need to because then how the hell do you
have the audacity to walk out in the world with
your head held high if you have two versions of yourself?
Speaker 2 (27:08):
I don't like.
Speaker 7 (27:09):
I guess for me, I don't care if I'm liked anymore.
Like that's what I don't care if I'm like because
I'm like, do you have any idea how many babies
and how much pain is out there? And those sights
of knowledge do not have the voice, but I do
so until they do have their voice and I can
give them the mic and they can stand on my neck.
Yeah cool, But until then, I'm using my privilege. I'm
(27:32):
using my and I'm using all the things that you know.
I'm blessed to have been given and fought and worked
hard for until yeah, someone else can take the bat
and I'm not here forever and I don't want to be.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
I want to I want to pass the battle. I'm like,
tag your yea for sure?
Speaker 4 (27:52):
For sure?
Speaker 7 (27:53):
Wow, thank you so much, No, thank you so much
for my honored to be invited.
Speaker 3 (27:58):
Just before we close, we'd love for you to share
any upcoming project you have or in your work, if
someone wants to engage you in your work, or yeah,
how do we get a hold of you if it's
socials or anything, So if you can just share a
bit about that, and yeah, this is.
Speaker 7 (28:17):
Where I've become really bad at my business and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
Don't worry. We also put in the.
Speaker 4 (28:24):
Show notes.
Speaker 7 (28:25):
So if I have an Instagram page, I might have
a Facebook page that's definitely not managed. I do have
a website that all equeries can come through. I always
encourage a come the fifteen minute complimentary console because I
am not for everybody, and not everybody is for me,
like you have to And I say that with so
(28:46):
much love and respect.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
Yeah it has to be both, yeah, right.
Speaker 4 (28:50):
Can you get that?
Speaker 7 (28:51):
And I don't believe trauma work needs to be done
without laughter. We're not letting the fuckers with my last.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
You're allowed to well, you know what I'm making que happiness.
You're very comfortable. This is what I'm I'm so sorry.
I don't know. It's fine and you're right. Don't take
our lights.
Speaker 7 (29:11):
Yeah, I'm so sorry for what for what?
Speaker 2 (29:15):
For a time?
Speaker 7 (29:16):
Maybe about go back into go lick your wounds, as
they say, do your whatever it is that you need.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Come back with the force. Yeah, yeah, let them steal.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
That's a perfect way to end the episode.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
Thank you, Thank.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
You so much, Nadine for coming, Thank you so much
for listening. Thank you so much for your wisdom. You know,
there's so many aspects to sex, and I think it
was really important to us for you to come on
board and check perspective.
Speaker 4 (29:49):
So we're very very grateful.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
Yeah, see you guys on the next episode. Bye.
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