October 22, 2024 • 7 mins
Join Jonesy & Amanda for an EXCLUSIVE (unaired) episode!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
On seat the man lost Colts.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Flo celebrations. My friend, it's our one hundredth cutting room.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Floor, is it? Yep?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
They said we'd never make it, said that, but we
finally came through Jonesy and a Mandy you made.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
Keep going please, I'm going to sit it out.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
This one's made for you.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
May.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Okay, that's enough. Just your face.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
This might be the last one we ever do.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Is your face set to disinterest?
Speaker 4 (00:58):
Disinterest, dispel horror? Which I had a better agent the above.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Remember those Swan beer commercials.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
Didn't have Mike Whitney was one and then he didn't
get selected that year.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
That's he was two. Ey's that was too easy? Do
you feel Oh?
Speaker 5 (01:13):
They said you never made it was for Swan Beer,
but there was insulting.
Speaker 4 (01:17):
Hey, we've got some good news and bad news. Ohld
campaign around. Everyone thought you were terrible, but you're not
doing too badly.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Well that's what happened with its Saturday. But Darryl Summers
wrote the song.
Speaker 4 (01:28):
Is his song?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Yeah, it's for Darryl. I think he wrote the song.
They said, and Ricky May and me, he sang it.
It's worth looking at on YouTube. It's just great when you're.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
Taking a Darryl Summers song for a beer commercial. The
world's gone crazy crazy. Let's talk about cheating in the
world of sport. It's nothing new. You know. We had
sandpaper Gate for the cricket yep, lots of bits and pieces.
How about this. Someone has been accused of cheating at conkers.
Conkers is actually a sport. Do you remember conquers?
Speaker 3 (01:59):
No, I do know of them. But it's a ball
with a.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Two balls attached to a bit of string like a
cherry cheery with the stone with them, and you whack
them against other peoples to see who's so dangerous. We
used to do it at school to see these people
which ones had fly off and hit win the noggin
pretty much.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
So would the conquer actually break or would the rope break?
Speaker 4 (02:18):
It's conquer Just be clear, con k e r. It's
not conquering. You're not conquering the world.
Speaker 5 (02:24):
No, I don't know how, but I suppose if you
had a big enough concer you would.
Speaker 4 (02:28):
Well, that's true. Let me tell you what's happening.
Speaker 5 (02:30):
But can you just please explain the rules of how
conquers work?
Speaker 4 (02:34):
Can you google them? Brendan, because I don't know why
you do that? Or two about this man. This man
was eighty two years old. He's been cleared, by the way,
in case people are outraged about his cheating abilities. He is.
He also is responsible for drilling and threading the conquers
that all his competitors choose randomly to use. But they
(02:55):
said he might have been cheating in that way, But
he's also been accused of cheating in another way. Are
you any attention to me.
Speaker 5 (03:01):
I'm just reading the rules. I'm a man, okay. The
rules of conquers pectum style. Players face their opponent's opponents
one meter apart with their conquer out stretched in front
of them. Each player takes three strikes, have the opponents
conquer an alternatate, and alternate. The game continues until the
winner smashes the other's nut. The victor does a victory dance.
(03:25):
Humiliation is essential.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
So you have to crack the conquer that's going to
shar it off and hit someone.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
No, it's a conquer.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Well, conquers used to be actual nuts. Now they're not.
That's what the problem is here. This guy or you'll
love this The name of the spokesperson for the Conquer
World Championships is Saint John Burkett, and he and I
organizers became aware that one of the competitors, an eighty
two year old who is the one who's responsible for
drilling and threading the conquers, that he was cheating because
(03:56):
he had a steal conquer in his pocket. It was painted,
it was shaped and painted like a real conquer, and
it was threaded on identical thread and they said that
is cheating because it would never break obviously, And he
told people that eighty two year old told Sir John
Burkett and the others at the Conquer World Championships that no,
(04:20):
this is my lucky conquer. It's my lucky charm. I
carried around like a treasured possession. So he apparently when
he wins, he used to throw them into the crowd,
and this one was his lucky one that he held on to.
But it was steel. He wasn't going to use it
to compete, even though it was painted to look like
a real conquer. So that sounds suss to me.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
So I wouldn't throw when he won, so he would
use that. He'd bring this in as a.
Speaker 4 (04:45):
Ringing well that what they were doing was they trying
to see if he was cheating, and they found other
conquers that he'd won matches with, that he'd thrown into
the crowd. They were all regular conquers, and he said,
that's because I've never don't cheat. This one was just
my special second.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
One, a fine conquering.
Speaker 5 (04:59):
Remember fine cotton horsey, and they painted its fat box
it looked like another horsey and it won the horsey race.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
I know you think you're talking about Cummings. He he
knows his business. So how did they bust him?
Speaker 4 (05:14):
Well, those asked him about it. He's eighting too. Now
how did he go to chase him down in a van?
They said to him, are you cheating? What he said,
empty your pockets? He said no, I would never use
this for actual conkers. This is my lucky right.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
But then they said, come on mate, fesce it up.
Speaker 4 (05:32):
No he didn't cheat.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
He's been cleared.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
I think I started with that. You stop listening at
the very beginning. He is beaked. Don't rub your face.
How did we make it to a hundred of these?
But doesn't that remind you though of the cheating in
some really oblique kind of sports. You remember the chest cheater?
He also has been cleared apparently, but this chess player,
very elite chess player, was accused of cheating, boozing, vibrating
(05:57):
anal beads during a match. Wonderf they are the size
of conquers. He put them up the bot bop. This
is what he was accused.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
I do understand how anal beach h A lot of.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
People may not put them up the bot bot and
someone else with a remote control would move them to
tell him what move he should make. Really, I think
I'll move my queen so he The man who has
been accused of being this cheatah is a grand master.
He assued the accuser for one hundred million dollars.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
One hundred million dollars.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
I wonder what you have to do to prove that
you're not. Because this man, the chess master, is a
self taught prodigy from San Francisco. He defeated the world champion,
ending a fifty three match winning streak, which is why
people thought he's cheating. Let me explain that what's written
here is see if this match is what I've said
about how the anal beads work. Defeating chess player Magnus
(06:52):
Carlson decided that The way he'd done it was by
vibrating anal beads inside his rectum and having more experienced
chess players looking on with the remote and sending messages
through his.
Speaker 5 (07:02):
Butt like moss code and dot dot dot Dash Dash Dash.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
You know it's a funny old well, I think.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
He wasn't playing k plunk.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
Mamn. Get it. You know the game complix it drops out?
Speaker 3 (07:19):
Yeah, yeah, we lost it there. Happy hundredth birthday, birthday.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
Let's go and have a celebratory muffin.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Today. On for some more chaun Z and don Manos
Fardy
Speaker 3 (07:43):
Floor
On seat the man lost Colts.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Flo celebrations. My friend, it's our one hundredth cutting room.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
Floor, is it? Yep?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
They said we'd never make it, said that, but we
finally came through Jonesy and a Mandy you made.
Speaker 4 (00:46):
Keep going please, I'm going to sit it out.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
This one's made for you.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
May.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
Okay, that's enough. Just your face.
Speaker 4 (00:54):
This might be the last one we ever do.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Is your face set to disinterest?
Speaker 4 (00:58):
Disinterest, dispel horror? Which I had a better agent the above.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Remember those Swan beer commercials.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
Didn't have Mike Whitney was one and then he didn't
get selected that year.
Speaker 3 (01:08):
That's he was two. Ey's that was too easy? Do
you feel Oh?
Speaker 5 (01:13):
They said you never made it was for Swan Beer,
but there was insulting.
Speaker 4 (01:17):
Hey, we've got some good news and bad news. Ohld
campaign around. Everyone thought you were terrible, but you're not
doing too badly.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Well that's what happened with its Saturday. But Darryl Summers
wrote the song.
Speaker 4 (01:28):
Is his song?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
Yeah, it's for Darryl. I think he wrote the song.
They said, and Ricky May and me, he sang it.
It's worth looking at on YouTube. It's just great when you're.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
Taking a Darryl Summers song for a beer commercial. The
world's gone crazy crazy. Let's talk about cheating in the
world of sport. It's nothing new. You know. We had
sandpaper Gate for the cricket yep, lots of bits and pieces.
How about this. Someone has been accused of cheating at conkers.
Conkers is actually a sport. Do you remember conquers?
Speaker 3 (01:59):
No, I do know of them. But it's a ball
with a.
Speaker 4 (02:03):
Two balls attached to a bit of string like a
cherry cheery with the stone with them, and you whack
them against other peoples to see who's so dangerous. We
used to do it at school to see these people
which ones had fly off and hit win the noggin
pretty much.
Speaker 3 (02:15):
So would the conquer actually break or would the rope break?
Speaker 4 (02:18):
It's conquer Just be clear, con k e r. It's
not conquering. You're not conquering the world.
Speaker 5 (02:24):
No, I don't know how, but I suppose if you
had a big enough concer you would.
Speaker 4 (02:28):
Well, that's true. Let me tell you what's happening.
Speaker 5 (02:30):
But can you just please explain the rules of how
conquers work?
Speaker 4 (02:34):
Can you google them? Brendan, because I don't know why
you do that? Or two about this man. This man
was eighty two years old. He's been cleared, by the way,
in case people are outraged about his cheating abilities. He is.
He also is responsible for drilling and threading the conquers
that all his competitors choose randomly to use. But they
(02:55):
said he might have been cheating in that way, But
he's also been accused of cheating in another way. Are
you any attention to me.
Speaker 5 (03:01):
I'm just reading the rules. I'm a man, okay. The
rules of conquers pectum style. Players face their opponent's opponents
one meter apart with their conquer out stretched in front
of them. Each player takes three strikes, have the opponents
conquer an alternatate, and alternate. The game continues until the
winner smashes the other's nut. The victor does a victory dance.
(03:25):
Humiliation is essential.
Speaker 4 (03:26):
So you have to crack the conquer that's going to
shar it off and hit someone.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
No, it's a conquer.
Speaker 4 (03:32):
Well, conquers used to be actual nuts. Now they're not.
That's what the problem is here. This guy or you'll
love this The name of the spokesperson for the Conquer
World Championships is Saint John Burkett, and he and I
organizers became aware that one of the competitors, an eighty
two year old who is the one who's responsible for
drilling and threading the conquers, that he was cheating because
(03:56):
he had a steal conquer in his pocket. It was painted,
it was shaped and painted like a real conquer, and
it was threaded on identical thread and they said that
is cheating because it would never break obviously, And he
told people that eighty two year old told Sir John
Burkett and the others at the Conquer World Championships that no,
(04:20):
this is my lucky conquer. It's my lucky charm. I
carried around like a treasured possession. So he apparently when
he wins, he used to throw them into the crowd,
and this one was his lucky one that he held on to.
But it was steel. He wasn't going to use it
to compete, even though it was painted to look like
a real conquer. So that sounds suss to me.
Speaker 3 (04:41):
So I wouldn't throw when he won, so he would
use that. He'd bring this in as a.
Speaker 4 (04:45):
Ringing well that what they were doing was they trying
to see if he was cheating, and they found other
conquers that he'd won matches with, that he'd thrown into
the crowd. They were all regular conquers, and he said,
that's because I've never don't cheat. This one was just
my special second.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
One, a fine conquering.
Speaker 5 (04:59):
Remember fine cotton horsey, and they painted its fat box
it looked like another horsey and it won the horsey race.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
I know you think you're talking about Cummings. He he
knows his business. So how did they bust him?
Speaker 4 (05:14):
Well, those asked him about it. He's eighting too. Now
how did he go to chase him down in a van?
They said to him, are you cheating? What he said,
empty your pockets? He said no, I would never use
this for actual conkers. This is my lucky right.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
But then they said, come on mate, fesce it up.
Speaker 4 (05:32):
No he didn't cheat.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
He's been cleared.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
I think I started with that. You stop listening at
the very beginning. He is beaked. Don't rub your face.
How did we make it to a hundred of these?
But doesn't that remind you though of the cheating in
some really oblique kind of sports. You remember the chest cheater?
He also has been cleared apparently, but this chess player,
very elite chess player, was accused of cheating, boozing, vibrating
(05:57):
anal beads during a match. Wonderf they are the size
of conquers. He put them up the bot bop. This
is what he was accused.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
I do understand how anal beach h A lot of.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
People may not put them up the bot bot and
someone else with a remote control would move them to
tell him what move he should make. Really, I think
I'll move my queen so he The man who has
been accused of being this cheatah is a grand master.
He assued the accuser for one hundred million dollars.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
One hundred million dollars.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
I wonder what you have to do to prove that
you're not. Because this man, the chess master, is a
self taught prodigy from San Francisco. He defeated the world champion,
ending a fifty three match winning streak, which is why
people thought he's cheating. Let me explain that what's written
here is see if this match is what I've said
about how the anal beads work. Defeating chess player Magnus
(06:52):
Carlson decided that The way he'd done it was by
vibrating anal beads inside his rectum and having more experienced
chess players looking on with the remote and sending messages
through his.
Speaker 5 (07:02):
Butt like moss code and dot dot dot Dash Dash Dash.
Speaker 4 (07:10):
You know it's a funny old well, I think.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
He wasn't playing k plunk.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
Mamn. Get it. You know the game complix it drops out?
Speaker 3 (07:19):
Yeah, yeah, we lost it there. Happy hundredth birthday, birthday.
Speaker 4 (07:25):
Let's go and have a celebratory muffin.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Today. On for some more chaun Z and don Manos
Fardy
Speaker 3 (07:43):
Floor
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.