Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
My Heart podcasts here, more Gold one on one point
seven podcasts.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Playlists, and listen live on the Free iHeart app on
the cutting room floor today.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Have you ever done a romantic gesture for your wife?
Speaker 4 (00:36):
Never?
Speaker 3 (00:37):
The sentence wasn't even going to end there.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
And I see this, I see all this here.
Speaker 3 (00:40):
Well, what are you pointing out your face?
Speaker 4 (00:42):
That's my romantic You get this. You don't need to
do anything else.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Does she feel that you are lacking in the romance department?
Speaker 4 (00:49):
Well, one time I did years ago.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
We're in Woollongong and it was our anniversary, I think
was like our fifth wedding anniversary, and I set up
a nice seafood dinner for her and I had the
song that we played at our wedding that's romantic and
oysters and prawns and all the stuff she likes. And
she said, oh, this is just weird. So that was
the last time I did that stuff. So I don't
think she likes those sort of gestures.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Okay, what's interesting because a lot of women do and
all that stuff. I'm not big on this sort of
stuff either, But you know that when you walk into
a hotel room and there's.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
A stray stream. Is that the word?
Speaker 1 (01:23):
I'm looking for A path of petals, rose petals on
the bed, rose petals in the bath. I've told you
what I do. When I get into a warm bath,
I can't help myself.
Speaker 3 (01:33):
I wet like a teary, deary doll. I wait, I
just wet.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
I once went to one of those retreat herbally kind
of places and they put all my special bark flower
remedies to pick which one.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
And didn't they have a whole thing. This is what
you're into.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
That's right. They said, Well, you know your sharkras or
whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
I've chosen these bark flower remedies and they put it
all in the bath, and I.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
Got in and just weed. It's terrible. I can't help myself.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
That's what happens.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
That's what happens. So I'm not into the rose petals
being strewn and.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
All that sort of stuff.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
But there's a woman who whose husband wanted to do
a romantic gesture for her. She wasn't into the rose
piddles either, so he gave her what she thought she'd love.
Speaker 5 (02:17):
Her husband tried to surprise his wife with a romantic gesture,
only to discover the hotel bed was covered in crisps.
Rachel and her husband Johnny went out in Blackpool to
celebrate her birthday, and he secretly asked hotel staff to
put thirty bags of crisps on the bed while they
were out to surprise his wife.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
It's your favorite thing, she was Chris Mard, Jewel's mate,
that right.
Speaker 5 (02:38):
But the staff misunderstood, opened the bags and sprinkled the
crisps on the sheets like salty confetti. His wife thought
there were victims of a break in when she opened
the door, but she still decided to eat some of them.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
I've seen footage of it.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
It's just it's just a giant miss. If they let
see gulls in, what horrendous miss it would be. But
you know, no one you're see in movies people are
rolling around on money. You see pick not coins, But
you see people rolling around on rose piddles. No one
wants to roll around on chips.
Speaker 4 (03:06):
I don't think food's sexy.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Yeah, people talk about I'm using chocolate and stuff in
sex play.
Speaker 3 (03:11):
Now, But you've eaten edible underpants?
Speaker 4 (03:14):
Yeah, but not off anyone.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
I just ate them out of the price cupboard because
we were giving them away as a price.
Speaker 4 (03:21):
I was just particular radio stage. I was just hungry.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
I needed some sugar, and there was edible underpants and
you're going to taste like they're like a roll up.
They're a bit like a or a list of.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
Yeah, they're like those listenerine tabs.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
And if you go how many your wife says your breath,
I mean, thank you. I've been eating underpants. No one wins, wins.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
It's on the cutting room floor today.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
We're gotting a sip of my cup of have a
super motion. I mean we rage in here.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
It smells like an old people's home the second we
come off here because we make a cup of soup.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
I don't think tomato is supposed to be that iridescent.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
It's my favorite cup of soup flavor. Now they've got
fancy ones.
Speaker 3 (04:10):
They've got broccoli and recotta and sandwich shoes, where the
basic tomato is the basic.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
We have a book coming out of the end of
the year documenting our twenty years on the radio.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
It's got pictures in it.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
It's got got pictures in us.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
It's got stories of you and me.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Yeah, that's right. It's got stuff we've done on air.
It's got transcripts of our various fights.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
Before I did this breakfast radio lark.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
I wanted to get into breakfast radio, but management of
various radio stations only really employ TV stars or stand
up comedians.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
But you were still on the radio.
Speaker 4 (04:50):
I was on the radio. We worked at Triple M together,
you and I not together.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Well.
Speaker 4 (04:55):
I worked in a different shift.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
I worked in the daytime shift, which is where you
back it. Doun's Triple M nickelback Triple plays, and they
wouldn't get a cup of soup there. And then you
talk about how great the breakfast show or did you
hear the breakfast show this morning?
Speaker 4 (05:09):
When a you're and the crew, I'm not touching that anyway.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
I got tired of doing that, and I really wanted
to do what I'm doing now, And a lot of
people suggested, you know, you've got to be a comedian.
And one day I was having a beer with Mick
malloy and we're talking about stand up comedy, and he
said to me, I said, I could never do stand
up comedy. I think it's so harder to know how
you guys do it. He said, what you've just been
doing now is we're standing on the table. You've pretty
(05:34):
much been doing stand up comedy. You said some funny stories,
but people know you. So what you got to do
is when you do stand up comedy, you've got to
make it so you're relatable and everyone likes your material,
and then you can become pretty funny.
Speaker 4 (05:47):
Pre funny. Something we've spoken about before.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Yeah, when you're working with somebody and everyone laughs at
them before they've said a word, because people assume that
what they're about to say is funny. You can say
the best line of your life, but they'll just tell
the time and everyone will laugh at that.
Speaker 2 (05:58):
Billy Connolly classic example. He just gives information and people
think it's the funniest thing in the world. So I
went and did a stand up comedy the open Mike Night.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
How terrifying. I would never do stand up comedy.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
On a Tuesday, and Mick said to me, he cheered
me up, fed me beers and told me to go
and do it.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
Then he didn't show up on the not came on
to give me support.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
But it became so addictive because you're right, your bit,
your five minute bit, and the open mic night. It's
so fraught because you put your name down at seven
o'clock at night, and then they announced the list tonight's list, so.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
You're not always on.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
It took me two months to get to actually get up.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
And did you have to sit there and watch other people?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
And you couldn't just leave bugger off because then they
would say, you know, because I did that once and
they said, well, that's just set your cause back.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
By another three weeks. So uh. And then just one
one night, I was just jack of it.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
So I'm just sitting there watching all the other guys,
and then all of a sudden, the list came out
and they stuck it up on the noticeboard and my
name was there, Brendan and J.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
And were your jokes still relevant?
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Were they so timey that you thought, oh, three weeks
ago this would have been amusing, Now it's terrible.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Well, I had a joke that I opened the show with,
opened the show, opened your set with, my set with,
and it was I get up there on stage and
it was my and it's become known as and I
don't want to wreck the joke right now, but.
Speaker 4 (07:26):
I don't know how to tell you the joke. Tell
the joke, And I get up on the stage and
I take you know, Hi.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
I don't know why I'm here tonight because I had
a very disturbing day. I was walking in the National
Park and I came across a skull and it freaked
me out, naturally, so.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
I rang the authorities. They asked me where I was.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I told them and they said, okay, well, don't do anything,
just staying there.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
We're on our way and right here.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
So well, while I'm there, I looked at this skull
and all these thoughts went.
Speaker 4 (08:01):
Through my head. You know, who was this person? How
did they get here? What, what did they do? Why
did they have antlers? Boo yeah? And everyone would laugh
at that. So one day I'm doing a breakfast radio
show with a man to keelle. I don't have you
ever heard of it?
Speaker 3 (08:20):
You should see a stand up. It's quite incredible.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
So they found some human remains out at Kernel, which
is not anything strange. I think half of Sydney's buried
out at Kurnel during the eighties and the Underworld Wars.
Speaker 3 (08:35):
I think your stand up is out there too, I'm.
Speaker 4 (08:38):
Talking about it.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
So I thought it's that perfect opportunity to bring out
my idea skull material and I said, you know, I've
found a skull once, and.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
You naturally curious, like we're on a game show.
Speaker 4 (08:53):
And I've said this to many people.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
I've done this joke a few times, and no one
has ever usd what sort of skull?
Speaker 4 (09:00):
No?
Speaker 2 (09:01):
I didn't say that, so I no, I said, so
I found a skull once, and you just went human skull.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
Well, it's a natural question.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
It's like you're on the game show Shuman skull for
twenty dollars, Tony.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
But your nostrils just flared from here to breakfast and
you said, no, it was a dear scar.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
It's twenty past.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
Six, and here's some nicol.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
You were furious, and I said, and you said, why
do you reckon? I said wreck what? I didn't know?
It was a joke. You said you'd found a scar
set well, a human skull. That's traumatic. Why? Well, I
don't know. And even to this day, that was twenty
years ago.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
To this day, if one of us goes to preempt
something someone else is doing, he say, don't human skull me.
Speaker 4 (09:48):
That's become the phrase has begun the.
Speaker 3 (09:50):
Thing, don't human skull me.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
I still don't understand what I did wrong with your
telling of that story. You should have held up a
flag saying I'm telling a joke.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
I should have gone with the story about the wife
trying to spice up the man marriage with their crutchless undies.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
That one.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
Now I've seen what did dear undies? A human skull
you have, but I liked it.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
Everybody hear a fun bore of chilty and cutting ready
at a body near a fun lore and cutting room.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
Going through the sweepings on the cutting room floor.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
When you leave your house, so you're going to go
and stay somewhere, what does got for the night? Do
you take any creature comforts with you?
Speaker 4 (10:41):
I'll take a toothbrush and some deodorant.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Sometimes your wife must think you're off to crack on.
You're only going to the pub.
Speaker 4 (10:48):
I can't think you for an overnight stay.
Speaker 3 (10:50):
Well, but all right, for an overnight stay. Let's start
with an overnight stock.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
Okay, over I stay, I'll reach it.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
You just take a toothbrus.
Speaker 4 (10:56):
I just take a toothbrush. That's all I need.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
No underpants, No, they just go and kick.
Speaker 4 (11:00):
Some ass and clean my teeth, and that's what I do.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Okay, no fresh undies.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Oh might take some fresh underpants. I usually I go
to take the abs, I forget it, but then wherever.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
I'm going will remind you that I've forgot.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
And it could I buy you did, but he used
the roll of it.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
And all my hairs are trapped in it.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
I don't know where you've been using it.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
In a hotel?
Speaker 4 (11:25):
Like?
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Did you see people who take when they go away?
They take pillows, they take teddy beds. About Shane warn
taking baked beans when.
Speaker 4 (11:30):
He didn't like the curry when he went over to India.
That was the only reason.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
What about this couple here?
Speaker 1 (11:36):
The hotel has charged a couple two hundred and eighty
dollars because they brought their own shower head, so they
took the shower head off. The hotel claims that they
broke it, but they it could have been reinstated. They
took the shower head off, unscrewed it and used their
own one. They used their own something or rather filtered
(11:57):
shower head.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Did you get on Amazon? So they go just away
for a couple of nights, unscrew the shower head.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Yeah, then put theirs in, take theirs out again at
the end of the stay, but didn't screw.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
The other one.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Kinder's left it there and they've been charged from the hotel.
The hotel has said broken shower head to two hundred
and eighty dollars.
Speaker 3 (12:16):
They have said it wasn't broken, or you to do
was screw it back in.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
I agree with that. I'm siding with the hotel on
this one.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Me too.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
If you do that, yeah, you put it back, so
you touch it, you because you have broken it.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
Yeah, and they didn't bother putting it back. Most people
online seemed to be siding with a couple.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
So you just put it back. Why should they?
Speaker 4 (12:33):
No?
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Should they?
Speaker 2 (12:34):
No?
Speaker 4 (12:34):
No?
Speaker 3 (12:35):
No?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
And also because they've got those water filters. I'll tell
you something right now, tell.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Me something right now.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
The modern shower heads got this water filtering device, a
water saving device, so it doesn't gush out so much.
So you unscrew it, take it out, do whatever you
want with that, put the shower head back on, and
you get.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
A good stream.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
Meaning what though, well, if you want to get a
good stream in your shower.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
But what you should do is replace it.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
If you're doing that, yeah, anything you do in a
hotel room, you replace. That's what you do.
Speaker 3 (13:08):
Or else you like you eat stuff from the mini bar.
Speaker 4 (13:10):
You pay. What about those minibar If.
Speaker 3 (13:11):
Someone comes to make your bed, you pay?
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Have you seen the mini bars? Now? You move a
beer or something and you get charged for it.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
That's always been the way in Japan.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Used to travel there would beyond two thousand in the eighties,
you'd think, oh, what's.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
This and klunk you'd taken out? It would close up
You charged with it?
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Yes, you excuse That's why you trek girl, That's why
you were like Denzil Washington in flight, pok it into
the minibar.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
A friend of mine once phoned up down to reception
in Japan and asked to have if there were any messages.
The next minute is knock at the door. Someone's turned
up to give her a massage. This friend you lost
in translation. Another friend phone down asking for a hot
water bottle, and up came.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
They must have confused them, because an emptied bottle of
whiskey filled with boiling water arrived.
Speaker 4 (13:57):
Well the Japanese. And did you have another friend that
asked for some photography?
Speaker 3 (14:02):
No, I didn't travel with you. What about this story?
Is something similar? Would this work? Someone has said here,
I keep a Universal remote in my bag to turn
down pub TVs if they're too loud. So this person
travels with a universal remote. Would that work?
Speaker 1 (14:22):
If you're in a pub and the TV is too loud,
could you turn it down yourself?
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Yeah? Yeah, I've got a Samsung TV upstairs and downstairs
and the one controller doesn't both you can hold it
in front of it.
Speaker 4 (14:34):
And so unless episode there is a universal remote.
Speaker 3 (14:37):
Doesn't mean that she has to have Sam Sung.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
No, no, no, you're can have a universal remote.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
So I'd imagine I've seen them at JB Hi Fi
and J Carr and all those shops, and you can
you got a universal remote.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
That's a great idea, chriscause I'll often be in a
restaurant or at the pub and I just think the
music's too loud.
Speaker 3 (14:54):
I'm sorry, everybody, the music too.
Speaker 4 (14:55):
You can go and say excuse me, I'm on TV
right now.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
Let's look it up and turn it up.
Speaker 4 (14:59):
Let's look out to this lady on the piano. G
she's good.
Speaker 3 (15:02):
Excuse everyone, she's talking.
Speaker 4 (15:04):
I'm trying to watch the dogs at Shepherd and no.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
No, no, no, no to this lady. I think that
is a good life hack. I'm going to get a
universal remote and keep it in my bag? Would it
work with you?
Speaker 4 (15:17):
What do you mean?
Speaker 3 (15:18):
Well? I just pointed at you and it'd be quiet.
Speaker 4 (15:20):
You can't turn me down.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
You turn me off.
Speaker 4 (15:31):
On the cutting room floor. And it seems the Kardashians
have done it again.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Before we even get to what the new product is,
I've got a question for you. Do you find a
woman's nipple that's pierced attractive?
Speaker 4 (15:45):
Oh? That's hot? Yeah, that's pretty hot.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
What is it about that? I just said, because it
keeps it.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Erect and it speaks volumes and you sort of go, oh, yeah, yeah,
that's pretty.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
You know, you only like it.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
I'm sure if it's a pert what if it's hanging
down the bottom where your nipple might be.
Speaker 4 (15:59):
I don't know. I haven't come across those I've seen.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
Have you seen ones in the flesh?
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Yeah, like you know, I wrote for Live to Ride
magazine and still do. And you know there was a
lot of girls that had that sort of piercing.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
And who work in them office?
Speaker 4 (16:16):
Yeah yeah, they're just the secretary.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
What's the context?
Speaker 2 (16:19):
But the models pose on the motorbikes yeah yeah, and
Christmas parties and stuff like that.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
You know, they hang a bable from there or something.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Yeah, so they walk around topless hanging a ball on the.
Speaker 4 (16:31):
Topless, but you know they like showing it off. That's
the thing.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
If they weren't topless, how could they hang a bable
from it?
Speaker 4 (16:38):
They might use a magnetic one or something like.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
That, magnetic bable. Well, what's interesting is it? Apart from
your weirdness?
Speaker 4 (16:48):
It's weird fib fib.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
Kim Kardashian has a line of support, undies and shame.
It's called Skims and she has released not just well,
she's had released a bra that's very popular. But now
there's the ultimate nipple bra. This is it promotes perfect
fullness with a built in faux nipple. Well, if she,
first of all had the faux nipple, you could buy
(17:12):
the bra. And even if your nipples wire way down
the bottom, it would make them look like you're on
high beam and they're up high.
Speaker 4 (17:18):
Right now, what happens if your bottom nipples were big
as well? You have four nipples?
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Well, yes, I think there's enough padding that you don't
see your actual nipple. You just see a fake one,
because no one's nipples on your bottom with bottom nipples.
Speaker 4 (17:30):
What's that one down there? There's one here and there's
one down here.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
But what they've got now is this bra comes with
a built in nipple ring, a nipple piercing. So if
you wear this bra just with a T shirt over it,
it looks like your nipples.
Speaker 4 (17:46):
Appears okay, yeah, and that's sexy, is it?
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (17:49):
Because then you think, oh, hang on, what's going on here?
What's happening here?
Speaker 3 (17:53):
And then how would you feel if you went home
and the bra comes up? It's like inflating a.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
Zod I hang on, that's false advertising.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
And would you ever like you're a if guys, would
they have any version of false advertising?
Speaker 3 (18:06):
Spray on hair?
Speaker 4 (18:07):
Ye, that's false. Yeah, Well I don't have a false
Prince Albert. It's all real, is it.
Speaker 3 (18:14):
I don't think you like Roy.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
You get your baubles on.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
That you're more of a Republican. Keep the magnets away,
get magnets away. Well, this is interesting. This bra, as
they say, was quote made to be seen, designed to
give off a natural, perky appearance, and if you only
want to have it comes with two attachments. If you anyone,
look like you've got one nipple piece, which I think
will be more attractive than too.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (18:35):
Yeah, two says that you're right into it, one says,
one says, I like to dab.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
A little bit curious.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
I'm a little bit curious, but I'm not going the
whole hog.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Well that's what one is. You can take out the
imp plant out of the bra so it looks like
you've just got one. And as they say, this is
the ad, get the ooh without the ouch, because that
would be a very painful piece.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
I know people have had nipples piece, men and women
and they all say, you say, it doesn't that hurt?
Speaker 4 (19:00):
And they go nah, and they go, yeah it is.
It's like getting a needle through your nipple. And I go, well, yeah,
that would be painful.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Where's the most painful place to have a tattoo? And
I don't mean Vegas versus Britain, Like what part of
your body?
Speaker 4 (19:13):
I reckon your throat?
Speaker 2 (19:14):
I've heard people across your larynx, getting across your neck tattoos.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Because carves would hurt.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
I could carve be easy, I reckon.
Speaker 3 (19:23):
Yeah, what about the tender underside down the.
Speaker 4 (19:26):
Side of the ribs.
Speaker 2 (19:26):
I've heard people say about the ribs that hurts the
tramp stam is probably the best place to get a tattoo.
Speaker 4 (19:33):
Like your lower back, yeah, or your bum really yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (19:38):
Have you got any what?
Speaker 4 (19:40):
No tattoo is now?
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Sure? If you were going to get one, where would
you have it?
Speaker 4 (19:44):
I get on my arm? But yeah, big big one
on my arm, A big one. I get one.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Why your mid fifties, late fifties, you get one on your.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Not going to get one, not going to get one,
not going to happen. I missed the tattoo boat all
those years ago. When I was eighteen, almost got one,
was in the shop ready to go.
Speaker 4 (20:01):
I had this great design. It was a skull like.
Speaker 3 (20:04):
If you Paddington Bear is still popular.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
It was Paddington Bear now it's a skull with the mohawk,
and behind it was an Australian flag, but a battle
flag Australian flag. And it was when I was into
the whole punk scene. And the tattooers said that is
a really good tattoo. I love that and I said,
O great, and he said, but mate, come on, you
gotta make it appointment. You just don't walk in. Come
back next month because I was eighteen and I never
(20:27):
got round to do it anything I just didn't get
round to doing it. Well, now every man and his
dogs got one.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Well, Anita McGregor, who I do the podcast with Double
a Chattery, she got a tattoo last Christmas. Yea of
the Canadian rockies. This morning a hip and has Son
got the same. And we're at some point because it's
double a chattery and the imagery's little tea cups. We
drink a lot of tea together. We were thinking of
getting a tiny tea cup tattoo. How would you feel
if I got a tattoo before you did?
Speaker 4 (20:53):
If you've got a tattoo, I'd be fine with that.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
What if I got a nipple piercing before? Be distracting
and I'd hang a tea bag off it and walk
around refreshing everyone's tea, and.
Speaker 4 (21:03):
I'd say, is that your nipple? What's that?
Speaker 6 (21:06):
It's a good little learnvercatover.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
On the cutting room floor. What's Sarah Ferguson up to now?
Speaker 3 (21:30):
Well, she's a big defender of her husband, Prince Andrew,
so there's that.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
Also, we've interviewed her. She's very open. She's a lucy goosey,
isn't she. Yeah, she doesn't have many boundaries when it
comes to the chat. Here's what she said, because when
the Queen died, she got she took over the care
of the Queen's remaining corgies, Muck m u i c
k and Sandy.
Speaker 3 (21:55):
She inherited those two dogs.
Speaker 4 (21:56):
Is that like Lady Muck, it's m u c k.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
So maybe it's pronounced differently, maybe it's Lord Mook or something. Anyway, Well,
this is what she has said about caring for the
Queen's corgies.
Speaker 3 (22:09):
I have her dogs. I have her corgies.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Every morning they come in and go, you know, wolf,
wolf and all that. I swear it's the Queen talking
to me.
Speaker 4 (22:17):
What dogs bark?
Speaker 3 (22:20):
Yeah. She goes on to say what honor it was
to know Queenlabeth second, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
But do you think the Queen would be happy knowing
that Fergie's saying that her corgies are channeled channeling her
to speak to Fergie.
Speaker 2 (22:33):
I think the Queen liked Fergie because she's as mad
as a box of hair.
Speaker 3 (22:37):
She's a quarking mag to speak of Corgi's.
Speaker 4 (22:40):
Yeah, true, So the Queen, I think, was probably amused
by it.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Well, Andrew was always known, Andrew was her favorite child.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
So here you know.
Speaker 1 (22:48):
But that terrible time I was in England filming for
beyond two thousand. I remember when Fergie was caught having
a feet sucked. She was separated from Prince Andrew, but
the footage came out.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
She was staying at Balmoral. The footage comes out, it's
on the.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
Front page of the paper and she had to come
downstairs where all the family was having breakfast and face
Prince Philip.
Speaker 4 (23:11):
You're on the front page.
Speaker 3 (23:12):
Oh what am I doing? Am I channeling at CORGI? No,
you're having your feet sucked and there's Prince Philip full
of derision. Apparently storms it'd be hard being a royal.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
You think of, say, Prince Charles and Camilla. You don't
even remember that those tapes, Remember the tapes all those years.
Speaker 3 (23:27):
It was terrible that a private conversation of these was recorded.
That is terrible.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
But this is where they spoke to each other, and
when you look at the transcript, it's full of love
and like a couple of kids, but it's about him
wanting to be inside her trousers, which led to the
infamous I wish I was a tampon conversation.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
It just and have you read the Do you want
to do the transaction?
Speaker 3 (23:50):
The whole thing?
Speaker 4 (23:51):
Transactions?
Speaker 3 (23:51):
Are we allowed to speak like this?
Speaker 4 (23:55):
Whatever you want to Camilla? Okay, yes I would as
are you going to do the voices?
Speaker 1 (24:01):
It's like that program Start the week. I can't start
the week without you.
Speaker 4 (24:05):
Yeah, I fill up your tank? Yes you do, and
you can cope.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
I'm all right.
Speaker 4 (24:10):
What about me? The trouble is I need you several
times a week, so do I?
Speaker 3 (24:15):
I need you all the week, all the time.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Oh god, I'll just live inside your trousers or something
that would be much easier.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
What are you going to turn into a pair of nickers?
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Oh you're not going to come back as a pair
of nickers, that's me sorry.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
Oh you're going to come back as a pair of knickers.
Speaker 4 (24:31):
Oh, God forbid tampacs. Just my luck.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Oh you're a complete idiot. And what a wonderful idea.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
My luck to be chucked down the lavatory and go
on and on forever, swirling round on the top, never
going down, darling until the next one comes through.
Speaker 3 (24:49):
Or perhaps what or perhaps you could come back as
a box?
Speaker 1 (24:52):
What's a box of tampacs, so you could just keep going.
That's true, repeating yourself. Oh darling, I just want you
now to so desperately, desperately desperately. I thought of you
so much At Yarrabee, Did you simply mean that we
couldn't be together?
Speaker 3 (25:09):
How mortifying for them when that was came out reading
on the rain.
Speaker 4 (25:13):
We're just reading it out there.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
He's now our king and she is our queen. Yes,
you know, but there's been lots of scams. What about
is that what the tampon is called? What about when
Prince Harry he's written this in his book, so he's
written and an editors looked at it and thought this
is all fine.
Speaker 3 (25:28):
When he said that he'd got frostbite on his area.
Speaker 4 (25:33):
Ah, this is when he used these. Mum's bloody, he said.
Speaker 3 (25:36):
Upon arriving home.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
I'd been horrified to discover my nether regions were frost
nipped as well. And while the ears and cheeks were
horribly healing, were already healing, the todger wasn't. It was
becoming more of an issue by the day. He's downstairs,
he said, was oscillating between extremely sensitive and borderline traumatized.
I've been trying to get some home remedies, including one
recommended by a friend. She urged me to apply Elizabeth iardencream.
(25:59):
I said to my friend, my mum used that on
her lips. Get me to put it on my todger,
so you know. And then he also said he took
magnesium supplements. It's all in his books, his anxiety. It did,
he writes, but in large quantities. It had an unpleasant
side effect loosens the bowels, which I learned the hard
way at the mate's wedding.
Speaker 4 (26:16):
At the wedding, Yeah, I didn't know magnesium does that.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Yeah, apparently you don't say any of those ads for
Chemists Warehouse or Priceline pharmacy.
Speaker 3 (26:24):
Well, it probably says that the disclaimer will make your people.
Speaker 4 (26:27):
That would be the worst pooing your.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
Pants disclaimer for you know, Tampax made up in a
conversation with the Royal family.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
Been look at Harry's at someone's wedding already he's stealing
the show, and then he goes and shits his desks.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
So much for a white wedding.
Speaker 2 (26:45):
That's I'm like tomorrow for more of John's and a
man who's cutting the room floor