December 10, 2025 • 7 mins
Does going no contact (breaking up) with your parents pass the pub test?
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
And Amanda jam Nation Double a Chattery. The podcast drops today.
This is your side hustle where you're for forensic psychologist
slash friend and in a McGregor, which comes first?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Friend or a forensic psychology friend comes first?
Speaker 3 (00:16):
But the fact I find her so interesting she's such
sort of interesting worldview is because of the work she does,
I think. But often on the podcast we talk the
wholiday of general staff. But this one today is so interesting.
As we're head into Christmas, we thought it'd be a
great time to look at this. Why are so many
people going no contact with their parents? Oprah talks about it.
(00:37):
Mel Robbins talks about it. The trend of no contact,
it's all over social media. What happens here is that
this is framed often as a form of self preservation.
Adult children separating from their parents. It's not rebellion. It's
adults children's adult children saying I'm putting up my boundaries
because as a parent you are toxic for me. And
(00:59):
there's lots of articles the moment about my parents are narcissists.
Therefore my behavior is this, how do I separate from them?
The word narcissist gets thrown around a.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Lot doesn't know.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
There's a lot of stuff here though, that younger generations
are prioritizing, prioritizing their mental health well than any other
generation has. And they're saying that means I don't want
to be around you, and parents are bewildered saying I
was doing my best. Mel Robbins, she's one of the
top podcasters in the world. She's written the book let them.
(01:28):
She's saying what seems to be for my generation, say
the most sensible thing. Here's her take on it.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Your parents, they've likely not gone to therapy or do
they want to. The issues that you see in their
marriage that you wish you could change or make better,
they've been there forever. They're not changing. They are who
they are, They have the relationship they have. It's not
your responsibility to do anything about it. And something that's
helped me develop a level of acceptance and love with
(01:55):
my folks is just saying to myself, they give me
everything they can based on their life experience.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
That's pretty good. Wouldn't you do the best I could?
Speaker 3 (02:04):
That's what that generation thinks. But a whole lot of
all I'm seeing it over TikTok, a whole lot of
articles have been written with people answering back saying, why
should I have to put up with my parents' lack
of understanding of me? Why should I have to put
up with all the damage my parents have done to
me emotionally. I don't want to have to do that.
So mel got attacked for saying that, interesting, isn't it.
(02:27):
So these adult children are saying, excuse me, you don't
know my family. Here's a classic example of one of those.
Speaker 5 (02:35):
I would not wish being an adult child a strange
from your parent on my worst enemy. And if you
talk to any adult children who are a strange from
their parents or a parent, they will most likely tell
you that it was death by a thousand cuts when
you look at our parents and say, we know that
you didn't have the tools, We know that you did
your best. But now we're at a point where I
never got taught certain things, and I'm having to go
(02:57):
out and find the answers and find the resources and
change and become a better person.
Speaker 6 (03:04):
And all that we want.
Speaker 5 (03:05):
Is for that a strange parent to do the same thing,
but they refuse.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
So this is the first generation of kids who've really
learned about their own emotions and they are irritated that
their parents aren't meeting them halfway.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Generation next we get sandwiched by so we had brutal
parents when we were young, and now our kids hate us.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Do you see what's happening?
Speaker 3 (03:26):
This is the thing and I think it used to
be well, and maybe it still is in Australia. America
maybe is more polarized with this stuff. But you'd sit
around the Christmas table, for example, and you'd be irritated
things that trigger you whatever, But that's Christmas, that's families.
Now this generation is saying, I'm not putting up with that,
but there is long term damage and I need to
(03:47):
discusses this beautifully long term damage in family estrangement that
will impact you for a long time, so be careful
about that. The word narcissist gets thrown around a lot.
Parents were narcissists is used a lot, and to Anita says,
there is a technical term for this, a medical term.
That's not what these people are referring to. This woman
(04:08):
has got a whole list of themselves. Here is a
they paint themselves as the victim. They'll twist your healing
into an active betrayal, etc. She says, they will rewrite
the past. Suddenly everything that's happened in the past was
beautiful and wonderful except you. And Anita had an interesting
spin on the fact is that we all do that.
Speaker 6 (04:27):
We all rewrite the history of our family. I have
rewritten the story of my childhood. My kids have rewritten
the story of my parenting. We all do that. Traditionally,
there's three rules that we have in the world in dynamics,
and one is like being a victim or being a villain,
or being a hero. And when we rewrite this story,
(04:50):
we often place ourselves as the hero or as the
victim in a situation. We rarely say I was the oursehoul,
I was the villain in this.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
So everyone's retreat to their corners. And unless you have
a conversation and reach out into the middle and say
I will listen to you, you won't get past this.
But this is a very dangerous and they're calling it
a trend. But as Anita said, this trend will have
long term implications for family, and it.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Might be over something that's really minor.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
We're not talking about abusive We're just talking about you
to pick you up from sport.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Or about abusive parents. This isn't about any of that.
This is about parents who have given you emotional baggage
and whose parents haven't.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
And I look at you as a mother. You are
a fantastic mother.
Speaker 7 (05:32):
I always feel that your boys, you'd always been very supportive,
and you know, because you wanted to have You know,
you look like you weren't going to have kids, and
for years I knew you were and you were childless,
and then when you did have children, you.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Really gave it a red hot go me. On the
other hand, you know, when my eldest was born, I.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Was twenty four years of age. You know, I was
twenty four. I was a kid. Both come and get
a car registered these days years, all of a sudden,
you've got a kid, and you do the best you can.
But also, but if I could go.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Back in time to be I'd probably say, Okay, this
is how I would handle raising my son. And my
son is wonderful, gorgeous, lovely, and I'm a very proud
of my kids. And I'm proud of the relationship that
I have with my children. But it's different in the
relationship that I have my dad, my dad, you know
who I love dearly.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
But it was just a different generation.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
But I don't hold my mum and dad responsible for
anything that's happened in my life.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
You've got to give up blaming your parents sort of us.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Unless they put you in a dungeon and molested you,
then yes bad. But if they just you know, didn't
give you the supportive words. If you're over fifty and
you're still blaming your.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Parents, interesting, isn't it. You should go and see someone.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
Well, this is what's happening. They are seeing people, they're
seeing therapists, they're seeing they're seeking help for their own
mental health and saying it's not healthy for me to
be around you. It's a very interesting time and as
we go into Christmas, I have a listened to this
podcast because gives everyone tools for how to walk into
(07:03):
that room and be kind as you got to swear.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
As well, because she's a forensic psychologist, you can do that.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
I don't know what your excuse is. Double a chattery.
It drops today. Get it from wherever you get all
your good podcasts from
And Amanda jam Nation Double a Chattery. The podcast drops today.
This is your side hustle where you're for forensic psychologist
slash friend and in a McGregor, which comes first?
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Friend or a forensic psychology friend comes first?
Speaker 3 (00:16):
But the fact I find her so interesting she's such
sort of interesting worldview is because of the work she does,
I think. But often on the podcast we talk the
wholiday of general staff. But this one today is so interesting.
As we're head into Christmas, we thought it'd be a
great time to look at this. Why are so many
people going no contact with their parents? Oprah talks about it.
(00:37):
Mel Robbins talks about it. The trend of no contact,
it's all over social media. What happens here is that
this is framed often as a form of self preservation.
Adult children separating from their parents. It's not rebellion. It's
adults children's adult children saying I'm putting up my boundaries
because as a parent you are toxic for me. And
(00:59):
there's lots of articles the moment about my parents are narcissists.
Therefore my behavior is this, how do I separate from them?
The word narcissist gets thrown around a.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Lot doesn't know.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
There's a lot of stuff here though, that younger generations
are prioritizing, prioritizing their mental health well than any other
generation has. And they're saying that means I don't want
to be around you, and parents are bewildered saying I
was doing my best. Mel Robbins, she's one of the
top podcasters in the world. She's written the book let them.
(01:28):
She's saying what seems to be for my generation, say
the most sensible thing. Here's her take on it.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Your parents, they've likely not gone to therapy or do
they want to. The issues that you see in their
marriage that you wish you could change or make better,
they've been there forever. They're not changing. They are who
they are, They have the relationship they have. It's not
your responsibility to do anything about it. And something that's
helped me develop a level of acceptance and love with
(01:55):
my folks is just saying to myself, they give me
everything they can based on their life experience.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
That's pretty good. Wouldn't you do the best I could?
Speaker 3 (02:04):
That's what that generation thinks. But a whole lot of
all I'm seeing it over TikTok, a whole lot of
articles have been written with people answering back saying, why
should I have to put up with my parents' lack
of understanding of me? Why should I have to put
up with all the damage my parents have done to
me emotionally. I don't want to have to do that.
So mel got attacked for saying that, interesting, isn't it.
(02:27):
So these adult children are saying, excuse me, you don't
know my family. Here's a classic example of one of those.
Speaker 5 (02:35):
I would not wish being an adult child a strange
from your parent on my worst enemy. And if you
talk to any adult children who are a strange from
their parents or a parent, they will most likely tell
you that it was death by a thousand cuts when
you look at our parents and say, we know that
you didn't have the tools, We know that you did
your best. But now we're at a point where I
never got taught certain things, and I'm having to go
(02:57):
out and find the answers and find the resources and
change and become a better person.
Speaker 6 (03:04):
And all that we want.
Speaker 5 (03:05):
Is for that a strange parent to do the same thing,
but they refuse.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
So this is the first generation of kids who've really
learned about their own emotions and they are irritated that
their parents aren't meeting them halfway.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
Generation next we get sandwiched by so we had brutal
parents when we were young, and now our kids hate us.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Do you see what's happening?
Speaker 3 (03:26):
This is the thing and I think it used to
be well, and maybe it still is in Australia. America
maybe is more polarized with this stuff. But you'd sit
around the Christmas table, for example, and you'd be irritated
things that trigger you whatever, But that's Christmas, that's families.
Now this generation is saying, I'm not putting up with that,
but there is long term damage and I need to
(03:47):
discusses this beautifully long term damage in family estrangement that
will impact you for a long time, so be careful
about that. The word narcissist gets thrown around a lot.
Parents were narcissists is used a lot, and to Anita says,
there is a technical term for this, a medical term.
That's not what these people are referring to. This woman
(04:08):
has got a whole list of themselves. Here is a
they paint themselves as the victim. They'll twist your healing
into an active betrayal, etc. She says, they will rewrite
the past. Suddenly everything that's happened in the past was
beautiful and wonderful except you. And Anita had an interesting
spin on the fact is that we all do that.
Speaker 6 (04:27):
We all rewrite the history of our family. I have
rewritten the story of my childhood. My kids have rewritten
the story of my parenting. We all do that. Traditionally,
there's three rules that we have in the world in dynamics,
and one is like being a victim or being a villain,
or being a hero. And when we rewrite this story,
(04:50):
we often place ourselves as the hero or as the
victim in a situation. We rarely say I was the oursehoul,
I was the villain in this.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
So everyone's retreat to their corners. And unless you have
a conversation and reach out into the middle and say
I will listen to you, you won't get past this.
But this is a very dangerous and they're calling it
a trend. But as Anita said, this trend will have
long term implications for family, and it.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Might be over something that's really minor.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
We're not talking about abusive We're just talking about you
to pick you up from sport.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Or about abusive parents. This isn't about any of that.
This is about parents who have given you emotional baggage
and whose parents haven't.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
And I look at you as a mother. You are
a fantastic mother.
Speaker 7 (05:32):
I always feel that your boys, you'd always been very supportive,
and you know, because you wanted to have You know,
you look like you weren't going to have kids, and
for years I knew you were and you were childless,
and then when you did have children, you.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Really gave it a red hot go me. On the
other hand, you know, when my eldest was born, I.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Was twenty four years of age. You know, I was
twenty four. I was a kid. Both come and get
a car registered these days years, all of a sudden,
you've got a kid, and you do the best you can.
But also, but if I could go.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Back in time to be I'd probably say, Okay, this
is how I would handle raising my son. And my
son is wonderful, gorgeous, lovely, and I'm a very proud
of my kids. And I'm proud of the relationship that
I have with my children. But it's different in the
relationship that I have my dad, my dad, you know
who I love dearly.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
But it was just a different generation.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
But I don't hold my mum and dad responsible for
anything that's happened in my life.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
You've got to give up blaming your parents sort of us.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Unless they put you in a dungeon and molested you,
then yes bad. But if they just you know, didn't
give you the supportive words. If you're over fifty and
you're still blaming your.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Parents, interesting, isn't it. You should go and see someone.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
Well, this is what's happening. They are seeing people, they're
seeing therapists, they're seeing they're seeking help for their own
mental health and saying it's not healthy for me to
be around you. It's a very interesting time and as
we go into Christmas, I have a listened to this
podcast because gives everyone tools for how to walk into
(07:03):
that room and be kind as you got to swear.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
As well, because she's a forensic psychologist, you can do that.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
I don't know what your excuse is. Double a chattery.
It drops today. Get it from wherever you get all
your good podcasts from
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