June 25, 2025 • 21 mins
We asked for your stories and boy did we get them! Today hear from "Dennis" who is diagnosed sociopath. Find out what it really means and the daily realities that differ from someone with this disorder.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I heard podcasts, ye more kiss podcasts, playlists and listen
live on the Free Heart.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Hey Dennis, you gotta say mit Hi?
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Yes speaking?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Okay, Dennis, what's your confession?
Speaker 3 (00:27):
My confession is that I am a sociopath and have
been living behind a mask my whole life and nobody
knows my life.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Well, okay, but your watch. Your wife's aware.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
My wife is aware. Yes, it's a she's known for
quite some time.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
So can you explain what a sociopath?
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Yeah? So it's actually a dated term that it's not
really used anymore, and he starts of movies and TV.
But it's antisocial personality disorder is the official diagnosis. Essentially,
I lack empathy. I don't quite feel or necessarily have
the same capacity for emotions as other people. And guilt
(01:07):
is a questionable topic for me.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
What do you mean questionable?
Speaker 3 (01:14):
I don't necessarily experience guilt the same way that other
people do as well.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Right, so if someone if for example, if you hurt
someone's feelings or whatever else, and you might feel remorseful,
you don't actually feel that.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Yeah, exactly. So it becomes a bit of me replacing
everything with thoughts with cognitive function instead so like, for example,
doing something that I normally would see as bad is
only bad because I told myself it's bad, as opposed
to actually, you know, feeling any sort of remorse.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah, what does that also mean with the emotional one?
Like you don't feel sad or cry or anything like that.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
So I don't like I feel things, but I've been
I've been made to realize that I don't feel emotions
the same way that necessarily everyone else does. Like I
don't know that I feel depressed once in a while,
you know, frustrated, but in general, I can kind of
snap my fingers and my emotions disappear. So it's almost
like I've you know, kind of trained myself to react
(02:13):
the same way as other people. Just after you know,
living with it for this long and mimicking other people's behavior,
you kind of start to act like them.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Yeah, well that's my question, Like how do you actually
live your day to.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Day last you know, it's been a long, long, arduous journey,
but you know, it's it's I'm constantly overthinking everything. Human
interaction is a bit of a task for me. Like
I'm not bad at it, don't get me wrong, It's uh,
it's just you know, I I don't really have a
default on everything, so I'm kind of saying what people
(02:45):
want to hear and picking up and changing my behavior
and tone of voice and everything based on what they
put in. And now that's that's that's not always the case.
I mean I've gotten comfortabler in some people, but in general,
it's uh, it's everything is like I'm acting essentially. Yeah,
so tiring if.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
You're well you are?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Would if if you got invoted to family friends has
for a gathering of you know, thirty people, would you say.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
No, No, I Well generally I try to get out
of every social function ever, But but no I do.
I do still go and show up and all that,
but you know, it's always a bit of a just
waiting for it to end.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
So did you did your wife know about this before
you got married?
Speaker 4 (03:30):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Yeah, like I mean two well before we got married. Yes,
when we first when we first met and started dating,
it was it was a bit of a learning curve.
But but yeah, no, she's fully aware and she's been
through a pretty traumatic life in her upbringing as well,
and it's kind of we work out pretty well together.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
So when you say to her, you know, I love you?
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Do you?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I mean, do you mean it?
Speaker 1 (03:55):
And does she I do mean it?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
And does she think you mean? Like does she know?
Or are you what part is pretending?
Speaker 3 (04:01):
That's that's a really good question. And that's one that
my shrink asks me a lot because she seems to
think that I'm convincing myself of things sometimes. But no,
I I've I've I've been through a lot of relationships
in my life that most of them failed for obvious reasons.
But uh, something set out about this one. And no,
I've I've definitely loved my wife and she's she definitely
(04:23):
loves me. So there's so that's good news.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah, yeah, he gets a wire of the things that
we get doubleful.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
It's great, it's fantastic.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yeah. So are you happy? Man?
Speaker 3 (04:43):
You guys to really put me through the ringer on
this one? No kidding? Yeah, So, I I don't know
that the answer this is. I'm gonna just bring up
with something I talked to one of your producers about.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
So.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
I have this whole issue with you know, color blindness.
You look at somebody else and you tell them, okay,
this this coat is red and they say, okay, sure
it's red, but you really have no idea if they're
seeing the same color as you. Right, I think I
understand emotions and that I feel them, but I've been
to realize over my years and through therapy that I don't.
I don't really I don't operate. So when I when
(05:16):
I say happiness and stuff, I'm not really sure that
it qualifies. But I can feel content sometimes, but I'm
pretty well round the clock all my life overthinking everything
and just planning for the worst. I'm pretty pessimistic despite
hard I try, and it's just I don't know. I
tend to see the worst in people, and it's not
(05:36):
a great way to live your life. And it's something
that I work with that I'm actively working on, and
I think in general, just being disconnected from emotions can
kind of kind of really just be that. Like I
was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was much younger,
and and that's never really gone away. But I think
maybe it's it's more of a sorry, I'm having trouble
(05:59):
putting that one towards.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
So, Dennis, were you born like this or is this
trauma based?
Speaker 3 (06:05):
So the the common belief in the scientific community is it's,
you know, nature versus nurture, and my dad definitely has
a similar but i'd say worse version of what I have,
And like I had a pretty uh I don't even
want to say traumatic, but I guess technically traumatic upbringing
and and throughout my younger years, because I definitely know
(06:26):
when I was a kid, I was still I was
happy and said and all that, but I kind of
have hit the point in my life where I remember
in high school constantly deciding to put on a mask
in a face and wearing sending to be who I
could be, so I could, you know, rack up a
body count. But eventually I just lost sight of who
I was behind that. And so I don't know that
(06:50):
I was born like this, but I don't know. You
look back at what I was doing when I was
a kid too, like getting sent to the principal's office
for drawing really violent images. I remember in Grade one
everyone had to write down what they wanted to be
for a living, and I wrote I wanted to be
an assassin.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
So definitely really some indications earlier on, but like I
grew up hunting in the in the rural parts of Canada,
but it wasn't really like regular hunting.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
My dad was just kind of all right, here's a
gun every every rabbit or squirrel or what have you
that you come back with, I'll give you a beer
and a little they call them cigarette cigaretllas, the little
flavored cigars.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
So that was when I was seven.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Is for that?
Speaker 4 (07:29):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
So I I learned pretty young on that the violence
is good behavior and is rewarded with with alcohol and cigars.
And I've done made constant effort to curb that from
you know, manifesting in my everyday life. And like I've
never I don't. I don't have really good control over
my anger on like what most people think of my
kind so to speak.
Speaker 4 (07:55):
Yeah, And I think that's that's why.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
I've been able to keep level headed, Like I've never
raised my voice at my wife never. I'm really good
at diffusing, cutting things offutly from they get too far
in a situation.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Interesting because that is ultimately the follow up question to
this is have you ever done anything that society would
consider to be dangerous or you know, inappropriate or yeah?
Speaker 3 (08:23):
And uh, you know, it's kind of an unavoidable question
when you're on this topic. It's just kind of comes
hand in hand, because all you see on Netflix and
everything is documentaries is sociopaths doing what they do. And like,
I've definitely I've was a pretty angry guy growing up.
I know, I've gotten a lot of fights and and
and done some shitty things when I was a teenager
(08:45):
and everything, but even in my late twenties. But no,
I'm not. I'm not what your question might be leaning
towards at all.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
You haven't anyone, You've never done anything.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
We beat kids up and stuff when we were in school.
We were in school, and now if I was an
adult doing that, then it's sucked up. But sorry language,
but no, no, I see my dad was really angry,
violent man, and I kind of subconsciously made any effort
to grow up and not be like that. So it's
it's a weird case. But yeah, that's I'm pretty timid.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
When people when you say I'm a sociopath, I think
a lot of people would then get their words fixed
up and go, oh, psychopath. And that's a very different thing,
isn't it? Or is it?
Speaker 4 (09:31):
You tell me?
Speaker 3 (09:32):
It is from what I understand, though, to be honest,
you have asked my friends and they'd tell you I
was a psycho from day one, but just yeah, I
don't know. I was always the one doing stupid stuff
growing up. And yeah, ask when.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
You went hunting because of one of the things, like
for me even fishing, Like I really I feel so
sad when I'm killing something when you Yeah, well I
don't much anymore. I actually got really sad about all
the blood and the stuff. Like how do you do
you Is that like a power that you just don't
get affected by it?
Speaker 3 (10:10):
No, I don't get affected by it. And uh yeah,
this is going to kind of make my last answer
look like I'm bsing you guys, But no, I do.
I do have a bit of a that I do
love it. I'm not gonna lie. I would never let
that grow into anything worse. But like, all right, let
me summarize it like this cane toad season, I'm like
(10:31):
a kid at Christmas. It's the best time of the year.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Yeah, because that's are on the side shot.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Yea, I love it. I didn't know that cane toad
venom can get you high. And I made a horrible
mistake when I first came here because I have a
little tomahawk that I bought from anaconda what have you,
and I'd have been just just chopping toads in a
half for a long time. And and I did like
the war paint and wiped it across my face with
(11:02):
my fingers after and then uh yeah, but ten minutes later.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
And it was like a job that worked. Obviously got
a cave it from paper, but are selected with with
your job and where you do work.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
So I I've worked kind of nomadically for most of
my life. I've picked I don't want to say exactly
what my occupation is because it's a pretty small industry,
but I've worked traveling all over Canada and stay in
town to town and then same thing in Australia. It's
a job that requires a lot of site by site relocation,
so and you know, working with a few people in
remote areas. So it's it's a pretty to you know,
(11:42):
just relax and not have my guard up. But now
I've I've moved into an office role and I'm really
good at the office thing because it's just like, oh,
how's it go, and you know, like you can it's
really easy to wear a mask and I have to
act really professional for work because it's a uh government
related industry, and so that just kind of honestly feels
(12:04):
the fire and helps me. Okay, you have to burn
a face for this, because everyone does in that sense
in this industry. So so it helps me lend in
a little more that I would say, do.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
You do you use things to help you achieve that? Like,
if you are legitimately having to become a separate personality,
how how what do you use to get there?
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Actually, that's that's a good question. And uh, I would
say nothing, to be completely honest, which is part of
the why it's so easy for us. Like you look
at you know, uh predatory lawyers and uh and corporate
businessmen and what have you, and they call it, what's
the term breakneck? Because I don't have to do anything.
It just it's come naturally to me as long as
(12:46):
I can remember, I don't. There's no okay, I've got
to prepare for a role. It's I make a great actor.
I just I can. There's no thought process whatsoever. It
just flips how you try acting? Yeah, no I should.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
But Dennis, do you think do you think people should
be frightened of you?
Speaker 3 (13:07):
No? I don't. Well, oh, man, I was not prepared
for this now, No, I don't. I don't think they should.
I'm I'm I'm not, I would say, like, I mean,
my sense of right and wrong is different from other people's.
But I've been observing and forming opinions for as long
as I could remember, literally, And and I try to
(13:29):
be a good person. And honestly, I think I'm a
little better at being a good person than people that
try naturally sometimes because I take my personal feelings out
of situations more often than not. And and so I,
you know, I see someone out side of the side
of the road, I pull over every time. I'm That's
the best way I can explain doing it. I put
others before myself because I don't really know how to
(13:50):
make myself happy or do well to myself. So I
kind of just make it my point to, you know,
help and leave a better impact than my dad left.
Do you have kids? Oh god, no, no, really no,
I'll be I'm a great uncle. I love being an uncle.
But you know, the only thing better than a child's
(14:12):
laughter is two disposable incomes.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
You know what, Dennis, You know there's I have a
I have a gamut of emotions. Listening to you like me,
I'm the kind of total opposite human to you, I guess,
and there is this kind of a bit of fear
or a bit sort of anticipation of talking to you.
But I will say you have absolutely educated so many
people by being so upfront and honest and well.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
I really were that. I thank you very much for
saying that. That means a lot. And my wife is also,
you know, full of compassion and empathy, and that's one
of the things that kind of drew us as the
opposites attracting and it's it's great, and you know, there's
a lot more people like me than you'd expected. Like
I spot them all the time, and I kind of
made that one of my things is fighting them before
before they get a little too foreign, and hey, man, like,
(15:05):
do you ever feel like this sometimes and trying to
help open them and see you you know, the right
path and interesting, Uh, that's a really good question. I
don't know if I want to dox my guys like that,
but kidding, I would say your most common ones are
(15:28):
I'll give you one. I'll give you one good one
contempt if if you're emotional or someone's emotional and you
see the person just as contempt for that emotion like
instead of seeing your side of things, either making it
about themselves or or you know, just unaffected or lack
of attention. That's usually the good indicator because the common thing,
the core thing that that I originally came into therapy for,
(15:49):
was I thought I just had an empathy disorder and
then was told, nah, I might you got a other
more than that. It's you have two types of empathy, right,
you have cognitive and compassionate empathy. So cognitive empathy being
you can identify when somebody feels a certain way and
you understand that when like the appropriate emotional response to situation,
(16:09):
where as compassionate empathy is you know, you see something
sad or somebody being sad and you feel sad too,
Like you know your friend has lost a family member
and is crying and you cry for them, that kind
of thing. I don't have compassionate empathy, and that's one
of the characteristics of antisocial So I don't I don't
feel that. I don't feel other people's emotions, but I
do understand them, so I can mimic that if I
need to. So like I go to a funeral and
(16:32):
I'm and I'm looking forward to the wake the whole time,
but you wouldn't be able to tell.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Right, he's waiting for the bees.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Yeah, Dennis, you are so bright. I'm so happy to
give you five hundred bucks and saying thank you, thank you,
thank you, you.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
Have thank you for having me. You guys have been
terrific hostes.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Yeah, thank you, man. That was really good.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Well, I'm glad. I guess I'm leaving a better impact
after all.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Yes, you did you even tear up for a bit
back there, Dennis?
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Yeah, no, Actually, I'm pacing around my office with a
vape in a bottle of Scotch.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
I just this morning. It's just it's a comma.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
It's what time is it right now? Ten ten somewhere
in the world? So you drink a lot more so
a joke now. I I have had an ongoing relationship
with alcohol that's mostly one sided, but it's it's kind
of all. It's just been a h a crutch for
the most part. Like I've I've you know, I've experimented
(17:39):
with substances and whatnot as well, but I've never been
like an addict. Is it's more so just uh I also, okay,
I should give a little bit of a bit grander scheme.
I work. I used to most very recently work a
really a high risk job. And I've always picked really
high risk jobs just because, like I used to do
parkour and all the fun stuff, because skydiving, because adrenaline
(18:01):
and substances are kind of like the closest thing I
can do to mimic emotion, like feeling anything. And I
think that's where a lot of people end up on
Netflix is because they don't try those things first, you know.
And yeah, so it's something that I'm working on day
to day. I'm not liking like by any means an
adict or an alcoholic, but questionable.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
In the last one, I'm so curious of this. Are
you affectionate?
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Oh yeah, no, I definitely am. Now I don't know
per se this is a question, But I'm still I
don't understand this is whether it's all you know, just
I know it's not a lost thing. Actually, I'm going
to take a step back and give myself some credit
because I've I've definitely got a cuddly guy when when
the time's right. But I also used to think I'm
(18:51):
a statistic because a lot of the times it's like
don't touch me. I don't want to make the well
personal space like all the time unless it's unless it's
a appropriate time. Yeah, I would say it's on or off.
I think that is my my affectionate level is comfortable
to other.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
People, Okay, and it's not and it's not just and
it's not just a means to an end, like if
I cuddle now, then something soon, something's going to come of.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
It exactly like like to be honest, I'm it's like
sex is always like, don't get me wrong, I do it,
but like it's growing up, it always seemed like it
was always more of a like a power move than
it was anything else, like you know, going through high
school and young adulthood, like hey yeah I've done this
and her her and all that and it's demonogynistic, right
(19:39):
and like because like they could prove the point and
male masculinity all that stuff. But but sex is always
kind of not really appealed to me. It's like, yeah,
what well, it was always kind of degrading. I guess
this is this is what I thought, Like I hate
seeing like you know, like the uh, the slow sexualization
(20:02):
of our future generations and and I think it's kind
of crude and that's just my personal opinion. But thank
like you know, sex sales are not really I don't really,
I don't not really about it. I'm a good Christian man,
you know. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
You are extraordinary and we are so grateful that you
trusted us with your confession because I don't think I've
ever been able to have such an honest conversation with
someone that possibly. There are so many people in my
life you know that we've come to meet and greet
that we would have no idea.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
So thank you, thank you, well, thank you for the opportunity.
I really appreciate it. And I hope that someone O there,
here's it and goes, oh shit, I'm not alone. Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Well I reckon we might put this whole chat on
a podcast too, Dennis, So we'll have like a it'll
cut down for radio to sort of four or five minutes,
but we might put the whole chat on the podcast.
If that's cool with you.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
Yeah, that's cool with me. Shoot me link.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
All right, thank you, thank you for having me.
Speaker 4 (21:10):
Kay
I heard podcasts, ye more kiss podcasts, playlists and listen
live on the Free Heart.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Hey Dennis, you gotta say mit Hi?
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Yes speaking?
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Okay, Dennis, what's your confession?
Speaker 3 (00:27):
My confession is that I am a sociopath and have
been living behind a mask my whole life and nobody
knows my life.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Well, okay, but your watch. Your wife's aware.
Speaker 3 (00:39):
My wife is aware. Yes, it's a she's known for
quite some time.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
So can you explain what a sociopath?
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Yeah? So it's actually a dated term that it's not
really used anymore, and he starts of movies and TV.
But it's antisocial personality disorder is the official diagnosis. Essentially,
I lack empathy. I don't quite feel or necessarily have
the same capacity for emotions as other people. And guilt
(01:07):
is a questionable topic for me.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
What do you mean questionable?
Speaker 3 (01:14):
I don't necessarily experience guilt the same way that other
people do as well.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Right, so if someone if for example, if you hurt
someone's feelings or whatever else, and you might feel remorseful,
you don't actually feel that.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Yeah, exactly. So it becomes a bit of me replacing
everything with thoughts with cognitive function instead so like, for example,
doing something that I normally would see as bad is
only bad because I told myself it's bad, as opposed
to actually, you know, feeling any sort of remorse.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Yeah, what does that also mean with the emotional one?
Like you don't feel sad or cry or anything like that.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
So I don't like I feel things, but I've been
I've been made to realize that I don't feel emotions
the same way that necessarily everyone else does. Like I
don't know that I feel depressed once in a while,
you know, frustrated, but in general, I can kind of
snap my fingers and my emotions disappear. So it's almost
like I've you know, kind of trained myself to react
(02:13):
the same way as other people. Just after you know,
living with it for this long and mimicking other people's behavior,
you kind of start to act like them.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
Yeah, well that's my question, Like how do you actually
live your day to.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Day last you know, it's been a long, long, arduous journey,
but you know, it's it's I'm constantly overthinking everything. Human
interaction is a bit of a task for me. Like
I'm not bad at it, don't get me wrong, It's uh,
it's just you know, I I don't really have a
default on everything, so I'm kind of saying what people
(02:45):
want to hear and picking up and changing my behavior
and tone of voice and everything based on what they
put in. And now that's that's that's not always the case.
I mean I've gotten comfortabler in some people, but in general,
it's uh, it's everything is like I'm acting essentially. Yeah,
so tiring if.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
You're well you are?
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Would if if you got invoted to family friends has
for a gathering of you know, thirty people, would you say.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
No, No, I Well generally I try to get out
of every social function ever, But but no I do.
I do still go and show up and all that,
but you know, it's always a bit of a just
waiting for it to end.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
So did you did your wife know about this before
you got married?
Speaker 4 (03:30):
Uh?
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Yeah, like I mean two well before we got married. Yes,
when we first when we first met and started dating,
it was it was a bit of a learning curve.
But but yeah, no, she's fully aware and she's been
through a pretty traumatic life in her upbringing as well,
and it's kind of we work out pretty well together.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
So when you say to her, you know, I love you?
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Do you?
Speaker 2 (03:53):
I mean, do you mean it?
Speaker 1 (03:55):
And does she I do mean it?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
And does she think you mean? Like does she know?
Or are you what part is pretending?
Speaker 3 (04:01):
That's that's a really good question. And that's one that
my shrink asks me a lot because she seems to
think that I'm convincing myself of things sometimes. But no,
I I've I've I've been through a lot of relationships
in my life that most of them failed for obvious reasons.
But uh, something set out about this one. And no,
I've I've definitely loved my wife and she's she definitely
(04:23):
loves me. So there's so that's good news.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah, yeah, he gets a wire of the things that
we get doubleful.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
It's great, it's fantastic.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yeah. So are you happy? Man?
Speaker 3 (04:43):
You guys to really put me through the ringer on
this one? No kidding? Yeah, So, I I don't know
that the answer this is. I'm gonna just bring up
with something I talked to one of your producers about.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
So.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
I have this whole issue with you know, color blindness.
You look at somebody else and you tell them, okay,
this this coat is red and they say, okay, sure
it's red, but you really have no idea if they're
seeing the same color as you. Right, I think I
understand emotions and that I feel them, but I've been
to realize over my years and through therapy that I don't.
I don't really I don't operate. So when I when
(05:16):
I say happiness and stuff, I'm not really sure that
it qualifies. But I can feel content sometimes, but I'm
pretty well round the clock all my life overthinking everything
and just planning for the worst. I'm pretty pessimistic despite
hard I try, and it's just I don't know. I
tend to see the worst in people, and it's not
(05:36):
a great way to live your life. And it's something
that I work with that I'm actively working on, and
I think in general, just being disconnected from emotions can
kind of kind of really just be that. Like I
was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was much younger,
and and that's never really gone away. But I think
maybe it's it's more of a sorry, I'm having trouble
(05:59):
putting that one towards.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
So, Dennis, were you born like this or is this
trauma based?
Speaker 3 (06:05):
So the the common belief in the scientific community is it's,
you know, nature versus nurture, and my dad definitely has
a similar but i'd say worse version of what I have,
And like I had a pretty uh I don't even
want to say traumatic, but I guess technically traumatic upbringing
and and throughout my younger years, because I definitely know
(06:26):
when I was a kid, I was still I was
happy and said and all that, but I kind of
have hit the point in my life where I remember
in high school constantly deciding to put on a mask
in a face and wearing sending to be who I
could be, so I could, you know, rack up a
body count. But eventually I just lost sight of who
I was behind that. And so I don't know that
(06:50):
I was born like this, but I don't know. You
look back at what I was doing when I was
a kid too, like getting sent to the principal's office
for drawing really violent images. I remember in Grade one
everyone had to write down what they wanted to be
for a living, and I wrote I wanted to be
an assassin.
Speaker 4 (07:05):
So definitely really some indications earlier on, but like I
grew up hunting in the in the rural parts of Canada,
but it wasn't really like regular hunting.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
My dad was just kind of all right, here's a
gun every every rabbit or squirrel or what have you
that you come back with, I'll give you a beer
and a little they call them cigarette cigaretllas, the little
flavored cigars.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
So that was when I was seven.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Is for that?
Speaker 4 (07:29):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
So I I learned pretty young on that the violence
is good behavior and is rewarded with with alcohol and cigars.
And I've done made constant effort to curb that from
you know, manifesting in my everyday life. And like I've
never I don't. I don't have really good control over
my anger on like what most people think of my
kind so to speak.
Speaker 4 (07:55):
Yeah, And I think that's that's why.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
I've been able to keep level headed, Like I've never
raised my voice at my wife never. I'm really good
at diffusing, cutting things offutly from they get too far
in a situation.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
Interesting because that is ultimately the follow up question to
this is have you ever done anything that society would
consider to be dangerous or you know, inappropriate or yeah?
Speaker 3 (08:23):
And uh, you know, it's kind of an unavoidable question
when you're on this topic. It's just kind of comes
hand in hand, because all you see on Netflix and
everything is documentaries is sociopaths doing what they do. And like,
I've definitely I've was a pretty angry guy growing up.
I know, I've gotten a lot of fights and and
and done some shitty things when I was a teenager
(08:45):
and everything, but even in my late twenties. But no,
I'm not. I'm not what your question might be leaning
towards at all.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
You haven't anyone, You've never done anything.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
We beat kids up and stuff when we were in school.
We were in school, and now if I was an
adult doing that, then it's sucked up. But sorry language,
but no, no, I see my dad was really angry,
violent man, and I kind of subconsciously made any effort
to grow up and not be like that. So it's
it's a weird case. But yeah, that's I'm pretty timid.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
When people when you say I'm a sociopath, I think
a lot of people would then get their words fixed
up and go, oh, psychopath. And that's a very different thing,
isn't it? Or is it?
Speaker 4 (09:31):
You tell me?
Speaker 3 (09:32):
It is from what I understand, though, to be honest,
you have asked my friends and they'd tell you I
was a psycho from day one, but just yeah, I
don't know. I was always the one doing stupid stuff
growing up. And yeah, ask when.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
You went hunting because of one of the things, like
for me even fishing, Like I really I feel so
sad when I'm killing something when you Yeah, well I
don't much anymore. I actually got really sad about all
the blood and the stuff. Like how do you do
you Is that like a power that you just don't
get affected by it?
Speaker 3 (10:10):
No, I don't get affected by it. And uh yeah,
this is going to kind of make my last answer
look like I'm bsing you guys, But no, I do.
I do have a bit of a that I do
love it. I'm not gonna lie. I would never let
that grow into anything worse. But like, all right, let
me summarize it like this cane toad season, I'm like
(10:31):
a kid at Christmas. It's the best time of the year.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Yeah, because that's are on the side shot.
Speaker 3 (10:41):
Yea, I love it. I didn't know that cane toad
venom can get you high. And I made a horrible
mistake when I first came here because I have a
little tomahawk that I bought from anaconda what have you,
and I'd have been just just chopping toads in a
half for a long time. And and I did like
the war paint and wiped it across my face with
(11:02):
my fingers after and then uh yeah, but ten minutes later.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
And it was like a job that worked. Obviously got
a cave it from paper, but are selected with with
your job and where you do work.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
So I I've worked kind of nomadically for most of
my life. I've picked I don't want to say exactly
what my occupation is because it's a pretty small industry,
but I've worked traveling all over Canada and stay in
town to town and then same thing in Australia. It's
a job that requires a lot of site by site relocation,
so and you know, working with a few people in
remote areas. So it's it's a pretty to you know,
(11:42):
just relax and not have my guard up. But now
I've I've moved into an office role and I'm really
good at the office thing because it's just like, oh,
how's it go, and you know, like you can it's
really easy to wear a mask and I have to
act really professional for work because it's a uh government
related industry, and so that just kind of honestly feels
(12:04):
the fire and helps me. Okay, you have to burn
a face for this, because everyone does in that sense
in this industry. So so it helps me lend in
a little more that I would say, do.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
You do you use things to help you achieve that? Like,
if you are legitimately having to become a separate personality,
how how what do you use to get there?
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Actually, that's that's a good question. And uh, I would
say nothing, to be completely honest, which is part of
the why it's so easy for us. Like you look
at you know, uh predatory lawyers and uh and corporate
businessmen and what have you, and they call it, what's
the term breakneck? Because I don't have to do anything.
It just it's come naturally to me as long as
(12:46):
I can remember, I don't. There's no okay, I've got
to prepare for a role. It's I make a great actor.
I just I can. There's no thought process whatsoever. It
just flips how you try acting? Yeah, no I should.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
But Dennis, do you think do you think people should
be frightened of you?
Speaker 3 (13:07):
No? I don't. Well, oh, man, I was not prepared
for this now, No, I don't. I don't think they should.
I'm I'm I'm not, I would say, like, I mean,
my sense of right and wrong is different from other people's.
But I've been observing and forming opinions for as long
as I could remember, literally, And and I try to
(13:29):
be a good person. And honestly, I think I'm a
little better at being a good person than people that
try naturally sometimes because I take my personal feelings out
of situations more often than not. And and so I,
you know, I see someone out side of the side
of the road, I pull over every time. I'm That's
the best way I can explain doing it. I put
others before myself because I don't really know how to
(13:50):
make myself happy or do well to myself. So I
kind of just make it my point to, you know,
help and leave a better impact than my dad left.
Do you have kids? Oh god, no, no, really no,
I'll be I'm a great uncle. I love being an uncle.
But you know, the only thing better than a child's
(14:12):
laughter is two disposable incomes.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
You know what, Dennis, You know there's I have a
I have a gamut of emotions. Listening to you like me,
I'm the kind of total opposite human to you, I guess,
and there is this kind of a bit of fear
or a bit sort of anticipation of talking to you.
But I will say you have absolutely educated so many
people by being so upfront and honest and well.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
I really were that. I thank you very much for
saying that. That means a lot. And my wife is also,
you know, full of compassion and empathy, and that's one
of the things that kind of drew us as the
opposites attracting and it's it's great, and you know, there's
a lot more people like me than you'd expected. Like
I spot them all the time, and I kind of
made that one of my things is fighting them before
before they get a little too foreign, and hey, man, like,
(15:05):
do you ever feel like this sometimes and trying to
help open them and see you you know, the right
path and interesting, Uh, that's a really good question. I
don't know if I want to dox my guys like that,
but kidding, I would say your most common ones are
(15:28):
I'll give you one. I'll give you one good one
contempt if if you're emotional or someone's emotional and you
see the person just as contempt for that emotion like
instead of seeing your side of things, either making it
about themselves or or you know, just unaffected or lack
of attention. That's usually the good indicator because the common thing,
the core thing that that I originally came into therapy for,
(15:49):
was I thought I just had an empathy disorder and
then was told, nah, I might you got a other
more than that. It's you have two types of empathy, right,
you have cognitive and compassionate empathy. So cognitive empathy being
you can identify when somebody feels a certain way and
you understand that when like the appropriate emotional response to situation,
(16:09):
where as compassionate empathy is you know, you see something
sad or somebody being sad and you feel sad too,
Like you know your friend has lost a family member
and is crying and you cry for them, that kind
of thing. I don't have compassionate empathy, and that's one
of the characteristics of antisocial So I don't I don't
feel that. I don't feel other people's emotions, but I
do understand them, so I can mimic that if I
need to. So like I go to a funeral and
(16:32):
I'm and I'm looking forward to the wake the whole time,
but you wouldn't be able to tell.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Right, he's waiting for the bees.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Yeah, Dennis, you are so bright. I'm so happy to
give you five hundred bucks and saying thank you, thank you,
thank you, you.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
Have thank you for having me. You guys have been
terrific hostes.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Yeah, thank you, man. That was really good.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Well, I'm glad. I guess I'm leaving a better impact
after all.
Speaker 2 (17:00):
Yes, you did you even tear up for a bit
back there, Dennis?
Speaker 3 (17:03):
Yeah, no, Actually, I'm pacing around my office with a
vape in a bottle of Scotch.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
I just this morning. It's just it's a comma.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
It's what time is it right now? Ten ten somewhere
in the world? So you drink a lot more so
a joke now. I I have had an ongoing relationship
with alcohol that's mostly one sided, but it's it's kind
of all. It's just been a h a crutch for
the most part. Like I've I've you know, I've experimented
(17:39):
with substances and whatnot as well, but I've never been
like an addict. Is it's more so just uh I also, okay,
I should give a little bit of a bit grander scheme.
I work. I used to most very recently work a
really a high risk job. And I've always picked really
high risk jobs just because, like I used to do
parkour and all the fun stuff, because skydiving, because adrenaline
(18:01):
and substances are kind of like the closest thing I
can do to mimic emotion, like feeling anything. And I
think that's where a lot of people end up on
Netflix is because they don't try those things first, you know.
And yeah, so it's something that I'm working on day
to day. I'm not liking like by any means an
adict or an alcoholic, but questionable.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
In the last one, I'm so curious of this. Are
you affectionate?
Speaker 3 (18:30):
Oh yeah, no, I definitely am. Now I don't know
per se this is a question, But I'm still I
don't understand this is whether it's all you know, just
I know it's not a lost thing. Actually, I'm going
to take a step back and give myself some credit
because I've I've definitely got a cuddly guy when when
the time's right. But I also used to think I'm
(18:51):
a statistic because a lot of the times it's like
don't touch me. I don't want to make the well
personal space like all the time unless it's unless it's
a appropriate time. Yeah, I would say it's on or off.
I think that is my my affectionate level is comfortable
to other.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
People, Okay, and it's not and it's not just and
it's not just a means to an end, like if
I cuddle now, then something soon, something's going to come of.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
It exactly like like to be honest, I'm it's like
sex is always like, don't get me wrong, I do it,
but like it's growing up, it always seemed like it
was always more of a like a power move than
it was anything else, like you know, going through high
school and young adulthood, like hey yeah I've done this
and her her and all that and it's demonogynistic, right
(19:39):
and like because like they could prove the point and
male masculinity all that stuff. But but sex is always
kind of not really appealed to me. It's like, yeah,
what well, it was always kind of degrading. I guess
this is this is what I thought, Like I hate
seeing like you know, like the uh, the slow sexualization
(20:02):
of our future generations and and I think it's kind
of crude and that's just my personal opinion. But thank
like you know, sex sales are not really I don't really,
I don't not really about it. I'm a good Christian man,
you know. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
You are extraordinary and we are so grateful that you
trusted us with your confession because I don't think I've
ever been able to have such an honest conversation with
someone that possibly. There are so many people in my
life you know that we've come to meet and greet
that we would have no idea.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
So thank you, thank you, well, thank you for the opportunity.
I really appreciate it. And I hope that someone O there,
here's it and goes, oh shit, I'm not alone. Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Well I reckon we might put this whole chat on
a podcast too, Dennis, So we'll have like a it'll
cut down for radio to sort of four or five minutes,
but we might put the whole chat on the podcast.
If that's cool with you.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
Yeah, that's cool with me. Shoot me link.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
All right, thank you, thank you for having me.
Speaker 4 (21:10):
Kay
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