July 16, 2023 • 10 mins
Trying To Fix Generational Body Image Issues
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Robluntarily Kid on Brisbane's Kiss ninety seven three. There was
there was something we were talking about on the show
last week, and can I, before we get into it,
can I just tell you how uncomfortable I am talking
about it.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I know you are, and you're doing such a good
job because you're caring all about this on behalf of
your four year old RAFFI and I think that's incredibly.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Honorable and you know, talking about growing up and having
having weight issues and really body image issues and yes,
I yeah, I'm not comfortable talking about I did get
a couple of messages on Instagram from blokes who said
thank you, you know, from guys saying I'm forty years
old and you know, I feel That's what I've been
feeling my whole life and no one ever talks about it.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
So doing a good time press on okay?
Speaker 1 (00:44):
But yes, so I spoke about it a bit last
week about that feeling that I have a feeling that
you know, I've just joined Total Fusion, I'm getting back
in and getting fit and wanted to feel good again,
and we're trying to break down why like it happened
as a kid and spoke to my mum things got
a little bit out of hand. Like it started off
with a bit of laughing with Mum, and towards the
(01:05):
end Mum was still laughing, but it was an uncomfortable laugh.
So this is kind of how the conversation ended. I'm sorry, Mom,
I'm not trying to attack you on it. It feels
like I am and I feel like I'm attacking you
on and it's not what I'm trying to do. But
I do feel like we need an intervention. I do
actually feel like we need we need to stop it.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Sound she's on boyn okay, good egg, Sylvia. That was
a lot. Thank you, good.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
On you guys, have a good morning. So it took
a couple of hours for everyone to calm down. But
I did call Mum and you're gray. I did. I
said sorry that it went like that because I felt
like she didn't get the warning or the preparation time
that we did or that I did to sort of go,
this is going to be a serious conversation about wanting
the generational change with my little boy, with Raffi, who's
(01:49):
nearly four, to say, it's not your jeans, You're not
predestined to be overweight, We're just gonna you know, it's
just not going to happen, and you're not going to
feel like You're not going to feel like I've as
a kid, which is just like I'm fat and I'm
always going to be fat.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Oh yeah, you don't want to do that.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
I never wanted him to have that.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Okay, So I mean there's a couple of things here.
One is that you could have a conversation with RAFFI
when do you.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Get him next Wednesday afternoon or pick them up day care?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Okay, so maybe later on in this week. I mean
he's four, so.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
A fun conversation in loving baby shark and weird.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
You have no idea?
Speaker 3 (02:26):
Yeah, so that would be the first thing.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
But the second thing, And I guess if anyone's got
any suggestions, because I think we have all sat in
this sort of uncomfortable situation where we want to break
something that we feel has come from our parents or
our grandparents, and we want to stop that with our
own children, but we're not quite sure how to. If
you have ever done that successfully, thirteen one oh sixty five,
please join our show and help us with this, because
(02:49):
I was trying really hard to think of a constructive
way that wouldn't upset your mum.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
And your mum's adorable and we love her.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Yes, So maybe you could write a letter, I mean,
under the guise of writing it to Raffi, but actually
try and process in your mind exactly what it is
that you're feeling about weight and body, so that he
gets a glimpse into that. Now, I'm guessing RAFFI won't
read it, and possibly never would, so I might find
(03:15):
it when he's older, and that reflectively.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Would be helpful. But also I would suggest then you
show it to your mum.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Yeah. Important, And this.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Is from my heart because I learned when I was
overseas with my mother that if I asked her to
change anything that she wanted to do, her immediate response
was no, right, And then I learned over time that
the no was actually just her processing, and that when
I gave her time to process and do it in
a less confrontational way, she actually would acquiesce and do
(03:46):
the things that all of us wanted to do, not
just her. So we've got to work a way to
be able to because what you're saying is relevant, I think,
but obviously you know it's causing some eggs.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
It is. And I think the frustration at the end
of that core that you could hear is I felt
like I was trying to make a point and Mum
would laugh, which is you know, it's her defensive. No,
it's all fine, everything's fine, and everything's fine, Everything's always fine,
and when you're trying to say this isn't fine, it's annoying.
With some it's fine.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
And you know, we can take the focus off your
mum because your mom's awesome and she's done a great
job and we all.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Love our mumsy and want this bashing.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
No, it's not bashing mum, but it then puts it
onto just.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
How you feel about your experiences and what that means
for four year old Raffian. As I said, I'm sure
that if you read it to him, he'd ask to
do anything else.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
It's kind of not about.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
That he's going to want to make a plane out.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Okay, do that fly into a rubbish bin.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
But I actually think it might help you and then
maybe see where it leads you. I don't know, man,
That's just something I came up with because I'm trying
to be constructive and helpful. But if anyone has any
sort of suggestions that could actually, you know, help us
stop the generational pool.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
Then we'd love to hear about it.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Thirteen one oh sixty five is our number if hoever
you want to get involved with the show. You don't
need to be a scientist, you don't need to be
someone who knows what they're talking about.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
You just need life experience and we've all got that.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Just tell us thirteen one oh sixty five. It's Robuntey
and Kip Kisses ninety seven three trying to work out Robin,
why I'm embarrassed talking about this, talking about not having
body confidence, and I reckon as a man like you
grow up thinking like well, for me, for example, I
find in the opposite sex body confidence really attractive. So
(05:31):
o women, Yeah, I find when a woman's confident, I
find them.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Attractive, regardless of what size they are.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Exactly oh wow, and especially if they're if they're not
you know, perfect, especially if they're not magazine perfect and
they're confident, that's attractive.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Okay. So I am listening to this because that's not
what goes on in my head. So do you go?
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:49):
And so there's a bit there's a part of me
that wants to give out that image, which obviously I'm
now showing that I don't have that feeling of myself.
And there's also like you grow up. I was thinking
about growing up and going shopping for clothes with Dad.
For example, we go to a surf shop and you
want to try on a T shirt or whatever else,
and Daddy goes, just whip your shirt off, just get
(06:09):
off here. You don't need a change room. You're a boy.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
You're a boy.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
It doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
I do that.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
I did, But I remember being really conscious. I remember
being conscious of going the people, the girls everywhere here.
I am shirtless and I'm not like, I don't have
a six pack. Give me a change room, give me
a curtain dad. So yeah, so it's weird saying yeah.
I feel like it's expected of a man, of a boy,
and a man to have body confidence regardless of you know.
That's why they have like dad boards and budgy smugglers
(06:36):
and fat guys getting around in budgy smuggles because it
doesn't matter because we're blokes.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
And I reckon.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
A lot of the perception is that blokes don't care,
but you are absolutely highlighting the fact that they do.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Jamie if Kalango, what would you like to say.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Look, I walked out of the gym this morning and
I heard the segment for the first time, and my
heart kind of breaks for you. As a kid, my
whole family, two sisters, and myself battle with weight substantially
to the point where as an adult I was maxing
out at one hundred and sixty kilo. My mum died
at sixty after at least fifteen year battle with diabetes
(07:11):
to be medically retired and partially amputated before she suddenly died.
So when I after that, I tried really hard to
lose weight and I'm sitting around just under ninety kilos
now eight year old.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Yeah, you have lost seventy kilos.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
Yeah, I've put a bit back on to get to
the ninety felve. It was a lot more at one stage.
But I conceived my twins they are now eight years old,
and I made the choice when I struggled to get
pregnant with them or keep the pregnancy because of weight issues,
to lose the weight. And when they were conceived and
I managed to keep them on the inside until they
(07:49):
were born, they weren't going to have the life that
I had I was called a bush pig in high school,
and those words at thirty eight years old stick with
me out and I can't forget them. Very indecision that
I make as an adult, And if my daughter or
my son feels like that, it would break my heart.
And if they feel like them like I do it
thirty eight, when they're thirty eight, I've failed as a mother.
(08:12):
So I'm trying everything I can. And since they've been born,
some people might think we've gone to the extreme, but
I limited sugar and they still they do eat sugar now,
but it's decisions like we don't have we're sugar free
ice cream at home right If they want real ice cream,
we make it an experience. We go out to an
ice cream shop so they have the quality stuff so
(08:34):
that they're not sitting at home binging two liters of
you know, the basic Paul's ice cream. But it's an
experience and it's a core memory associated with that instead
of it being a treat for a Friday of or
you know, daily dessert things like that. But I have
spoken to them about my weight issues and how it's
affected me. I don't allow them to think of themselves
(08:55):
like quickly snapping and with great feedback with them. If
they're feeling down on themselves, talk to them about what
it's like to bully people and be bullied, so that
they don't think about it as an attack, but they
get to make a choice. Even at four, we were
having this conversation do you want to make someone feel
good or do you want to be the reason they
feel bad? And so we've always put how feelings get
(09:17):
attached to behaviors from birth, and my ex husband, who's
the father of my kids, still raises them the same
way even though we're divorced.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Jamie so keeps talking about talking to RAFFI, who's nearly
for what would you say?
Speaker 3 (09:30):
What sort of language? What actually stuck?
Speaker 4 (09:34):
I think making sure that they understand feelings don't get
corrected by a food, and so they don't ever associate
binge eating to eat our feelings, that we are healthy
communicators instead of just eaters, because feeding people isn't a
way to solve a problem. I think that's where you
look at someone that's morbidly obese. It's never because they
(09:54):
just like food. Let's be real, it's because they're broken.
Some part of them feels broken. So getting him to
understand that's not how we solve problems and giving them alternatives.
So you're not actually talking about food. I mean you
have to have that conversation too, but you're not just
talking about, you know, what's a healthy diet. You actually
need to say what's a healthy coping mechanism because that's
(10:16):
where Obedley comes from. Not you meeting Cabry Chocolate.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Are amazing, Jamie, I have.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Had I'm very broken.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Yeah, I've just learned more in the last five minutes
than I probably have in the.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
Last fifteen years. Wow, thank you.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Thanks Jemie.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
Thank you guys.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Really what a story. We need to keep you.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
We need to keep your number, Jamie, and if we
can check back in with you as we go down
this story, that would be awesome.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Kids on Christom's chis
Robluntarily Kid on Brisbane's Kiss ninety seven three. There was
there was something we were talking about on the show
last week, and can I, before we get into it,
can I just tell you how uncomfortable I am talking
about it.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
I know you are, and you're doing such a good
job because you're caring all about this on behalf of
your four year old RAFFI and I think that's incredibly.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Honorable and you know, talking about growing up and having
having weight issues and really body image issues and yes,
I yeah, I'm not comfortable talking about I did get
a couple of messages on Instagram from blokes who said
thank you, you know, from guys saying I'm forty years
old and you know, I feel That's what I've been
feeling my whole life and no one ever talks about it.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
So doing a good time press on okay?
Speaker 1 (00:44):
But yes, so I spoke about it a bit last
week about that feeling that I have a feeling that
you know, I've just joined Total Fusion, I'm getting back
in and getting fit and wanted to feel good again,
and we're trying to break down why like it happened
as a kid and spoke to my mum things got
a little bit out of hand. Like it started off
with a bit of laughing with Mum, and towards the
(01:05):
end Mum was still laughing, but it was an uncomfortable laugh.
So this is kind of how the conversation ended. I'm sorry, Mom,
I'm not trying to attack you on it. It feels
like I am and I feel like I'm attacking you
on and it's not what I'm trying to do. But
I do feel like we need an intervention. I do
actually feel like we need we need to stop it.
Speaker 3 (01:20):
Sound she's on boyn okay, good egg, Sylvia. That was
a lot. Thank you, good.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
On you guys, have a good morning. So it took
a couple of hours for everyone to calm down. But
I did call Mum and you're gray. I did. I
said sorry that it went like that because I felt
like she didn't get the warning or the preparation time
that we did or that I did to sort of go,
this is going to be a serious conversation about wanting
the generational change with my little boy, with Raffi, who's
(01:49):
nearly four, to say, it's not your jeans, You're not
predestined to be overweight, We're just gonna you know, it's
just not going to happen, and you're not going to
feel like You're not going to feel like I've as
a kid, which is just like I'm fat and I'm
always going to be fat.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Oh yeah, you don't want to do that.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
I never wanted him to have that.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Okay, So I mean there's a couple of things here.
One is that you could have a conversation with RAFFI
when do you.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Get him next Wednesday afternoon or pick them up day care?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Okay, so maybe later on in this week. I mean
he's four, so.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
A fun conversation in loving baby shark and weird.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
You have no idea?
Speaker 3 (02:26):
Yeah, so that would be the first thing.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
But the second thing, And I guess if anyone's got
any suggestions, because I think we have all sat in
this sort of uncomfortable situation where we want to break
something that we feel has come from our parents or
our grandparents, and we want to stop that with our
own children, but we're not quite sure how to. If
you have ever done that successfully, thirteen one oh sixty five,
please join our show and help us with this, because
(02:49):
I was trying really hard to think of a constructive
way that wouldn't upset your mum.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
And your mum's adorable and we love her.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Yes, So maybe you could write a letter, I mean,
under the guise of writing it to Raffi, but actually
try and process in your mind exactly what it is
that you're feeling about weight and body, so that he
gets a glimpse into that. Now, I'm guessing RAFFI won't
read it, and possibly never would, so I might find
(03:15):
it when he's older, and that reflectively.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Would be helpful. But also I would suggest then you
show it to your mum.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Yeah. Important, And this.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Is from my heart because I learned when I was
overseas with my mother that if I asked her to
change anything that she wanted to do, her immediate response
was no, right, And then I learned over time that
the no was actually just her processing, and that when
I gave her time to process and do it in
a less confrontational way, she actually would acquiesce and do
(03:46):
the things that all of us wanted to do, not
just her. So we've got to work a way to
be able to because what you're saying is relevant, I think,
but obviously you know it's causing some eggs.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
It is. And I think the frustration at the end
of that core that you could hear is I felt
like I was trying to make a point and Mum
would laugh, which is you know, it's her defensive. No,
it's all fine, everything's fine, and everything's fine, Everything's always fine,
and when you're trying to say this isn't fine, it's annoying.
With some it's fine.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
And you know, we can take the focus off your
mum because your mom's awesome and she's done a great
job and we all.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Love our mumsy and want this bashing.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
No, it's not bashing mum, but it then puts it
onto just.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
How you feel about your experiences and what that means
for four year old Raffian. As I said, I'm sure
that if you read it to him, he'd ask to
do anything else.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
It's kind of not about.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
That he's going to want to make a plane out.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Okay, do that fly into a rubbish bin.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
But I actually think it might help you and then
maybe see where it leads you. I don't know, man,
That's just something I came up with because I'm trying
to be constructive and helpful. But if anyone has any
sort of suggestions that could actually, you know, help us
stop the generational pool.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
Then we'd love to hear about it.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
Thirteen one oh sixty five is our number if hoever
you want to get involved with the show. You don't
need to be a scientist, you don't need to be
someone who knows what they're talking about.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
You just need life experience and we've all got that.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
Just tell us thirteen one oh sixty five. It's Robuntey
and Kip Kisses ninety seven three trying to work out Robin,
why I'm embarrassed talking about this, talking about not having
body confidence, and I reckon as a man like you
grow up thinking like well, for me, for example, I
find in the opposite sex body confidence really attractive. So
(05:31):
o women, Yeah, I find when a woman's confident, I
find them.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Attractive, regardless of what size they are.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
Exactly oh wow, and especially if they're if they're not
you know, perfect, especially if they're not magazine perfect and
they're confident, that's attractive.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
Okay. So I am listening to this because that's not
what goes on in my head. So do you go?
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (05:49):
And so there's a bit there's a part of me
that wants to give out that image, which obviously I'm
now showing that I don't have that feeling of myself.
And there's also like you grow up. I was thinking
about growing up and going shopping for clothes with Dad.
For example, we go to a surf shop and you
want to try on a T shirt or whatever else,
and Daddy goes, just whip your shirt off, just get
(06:09):
off here. You don't need a change room. You're a boy.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
You're a boy.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
It doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
I do that.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
I did, But I remember being really conscious. I remember
being conscious of going the people, the girls everywhere here.
I am shirtless and I'm not like, I don't have
a six pack. Give me a change room, give me
a curtain dad. So yeah, so it's weird saying yeah.
I feel like it's expected of a man, of a boy,
and a man to have body confidence regardless of you know.
That's why they have like dad boards and budgy smugglers
(06:36):
and fat guys getting around in budgy smuggles because it
doesn't matter because we're blokes.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
And I reckon.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
A lot of the perception is that blokes don't care,
but you are absolutely highlighting the fact that they do.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Jamie if Kalango, what would you like to say.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Look, I walked out of the gym this morning and
I heard the segment for the first time, and my
heart kind of breaks for you. As a kid, my
whole family, two sisters, and myself battle with weight substantially
to the point where as an adult I was maxing
out at one hundred and sixty kilo. My mum died
at sixty after at least fifteen year battle with diabetes
(07:11):
to be medically retired and partially amputated before she suddenly died.
So when I after that, I tried really hard to
lose weight and I'm sitting around just under ninety kilos
now eight year old.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Yeah, you have lost seventy kilos.
Speaker 4 (07:28):
Yeah, I've put a bit back on to get to
the ninety felve. It was a lot more at one stage.
But I conceived my twins they are now eight years old,
and I made the choice when I struggled to get
pregnant with them or keep the pregnancy because of weight issues,
to lose the weight. And when they were conceived and
I managed to keep them on the inside until they
(07:49):
were born, they weren't going to have the life that
I had I was called a bush pig in high school,
and those words at thirty eight years old stick with
me out and I can't forget them. Very indecision that
I make as an adult, And if my daughter or
my son feels like that, it would break my heart.
And if they feel like them like I do it
thirty eight, when they're thirty eight, I've failed as a mother.
(08:12):
So I'm trying everything I can. And since they've been born,
some people might think we've gone to the extreme, but
I limited sugar and they still they do eat sugar now,
but it's decisions like we don't have we're sugar free
ice cream at home right If they want real ice cream,
we make it an experience. We go out to an
ice cream shop so they have the quality stuff so
(08:34):
that they're not sitting at home binging two liters of
you know, the basic Paul's ice cream. But it's an
experience and it's a core memory associated with that instead
of it being a treat for a Friday of or
you know, daily dessert things like that. But I have
spoken to them about my weight issues and how it's
affected me. I don't allow them to think of themselves
(08:55):
like quickly snapping and with great feedback with them. If
they're feeling down on themselves, talk to them about what
it's like to bully people and be bullied, so that
they don't think about it as an attack, but they
get to make a choice. Even at four, we were
having this conversation do you want to make someone feel
good or do you want to be the reason they
feel bad? And so we've always put how feelings get
(09:17):
attached to behaviors from birth, and my ex husband, who's
the father of my kids, still raises them the same
way even though we're divorced.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Jamie so keeps talking about talking to RAFFI, who's nearly
for what would you say?
Speaker 3 (09:30):
What sort of language? What actually stuck?
Speaker 4 (09:34):
I think making sure that they understand feelings don't get
corrected by a food, and so they don't ever associate
binge eating to eat our feelings, that we are healthy
communicators instead of just eaters, because feeding people isn't a
way to solve a problem. I think that's where you
look at someone that's morbidly obese. It's never because they
(09:54):
just like food. Let's be real, it's because they're broken.
Some part of them feels broken. So getting him to
understand that's not how we solve problems and giving them alternatives.
So you're not actually talking about food. I mean you
have to have that conversation too, but you're not just
talking about, you know, what's a healthy diet. You actually
need to say what's a healthy coping mechanism because that's
(10:16):
where Obedley comes from. Not you meeting Cabry Chocolate.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Are amazing, Jamie, I have.
Speaker 4 (10:23):
Had I'm very broken.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Yeah, I've just learned more in the last five minutes
than I probably have in the.
Speaker 3 (10:30):
Last fifteen years. Wow, thank you.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
Thanks Jemie.
Speaker 4 (10:34):
Thank you guys.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Really what a story. We need to keep you.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
We need to keep your number, Jamie, and if we
can check back in with you as we go down
this story, that would be awesome.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (10:44):
Kids on Christom's chis
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