December 18, 2025 • 31 mins
Ever stared at the bill split amount and thought… sorry, why am I paying for food I did not eat? We’re unpacking a takeaway dilemma where one person orders like it’s their last supper and everyone else is expected to split it evenly. What do you actually do in that moment? Do you say something, suck it up, or quietly build resentment? We talk through the options, the social risk, and how to handle it differently next time without blowing up the friendship. Then things get uncomfortably real with a Christmas DM that hits a nerve. When your family’s love language is business class flights, investment wins, and expensive gifts, and you chose passion, values, and a very different definition of success. We get into how to respond to the comments, protect your self worth, and decide when it’s worth engaging and when it’s not.
Need the team’s take on your money dilemma? Send us a voicemail here.
Or if it's more of a spicy money drama and you want the communities verdict? Slide into our DMs here.
Ready for more laughs, lessons, and unhinged money chats? Check out our oh-so-bingeable Friday Drinks playlist. Listen here.
Join our 400K+ She's on the Money community in our Facebook Group and on Instagram.
Acknowledgement of Country By Nartarsha Bamblett aka Queen Acknowledgements.
The advice shared on She's On The Money is general in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's On The Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If you do choose to buy a financial product, read the PDS, TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your needs. Victoria Devine and She's On The Money are authorised representatives of Money Sherpa PTY LTD ABN - 321649 27708, AFSL - 451289.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
My name is Tatasha Bamblet. I'm a proud First Nations
woman and I'm here to acknowledge country t Glenn Young
Ganya Nianar Kaka yah y and beIN Ahaka nian Our
gay In Mbini, yakarum Jar, Dominyamiga Umagahawakawaman, damon Imlan Mbaban
Gadabomba in and now in wakah Ghana on yak rum
Jar water Nata. Hello, beautiful friends, we gather on the
(00:24):
lands of the Aboriginal people. We thank acknowledge and respect
the Aberiginal people's land that we're gathering on today. Take
pleasure in all the land and respect all that you see.
She's on the Money podcast acknowledges culture, country, community and connections,
bringing you the tools, knowledge and resources for you to thrive.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
that makes personal finance fun, especially on Fridays. It is
our favorite day of the week because we get to
get the team together and celebrate you the incredible She's
on the Money community, and yes you're hearing right, it's
just Ricky taking over today because unfortunately vd's and well,
I'm still going to be sharing all of my favorite
money wins and confessions, and Beck, who is also here,
(01:30):
is still going to share all of her best broke tips.
We're going to help answer a money dilemma, which is
a spicy one this week, all about splitting takeaway costs
at a friend's house, and something you slid into our
DMS about how you should handle clashes with your family
about differing money values on Christmas Day.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Oh, it's just us today. It is so nice. It's
always fun when we get to hang out.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I know it is.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
Really.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
You're so good at the intro. I guess I will
thank you. You're just like you just pick it up.
You just know what you're doing.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
I feel like my intonation is exactly the same as
Victoria's because I've just heard it.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Very similar, but slightly different, totally. Oh my gosh, Well,
how's your weep? It's been lovely. Hi have done not
a whole lot, actually, just been plodding along the chaos
before Christmas. Oh gosh, lovely? Yes, how are you great?
I feel like everything is so magical this time of year.
You know, everything's so whimsyical. You do love a bit
of whimsy. I do love a bit of whimsy. Well,
(02:27):
I have a little bit of Christmas whimsy in this
week's five star review.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
If you would like to hear it. I would love to, Alrighty.
It came from Bianca and she said, Hey, the Jess
and Beck. Because of everything you guys do for the community,
I wanted to give you a Christmas present of a
five star review.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
I'm ending the year in such a better way than
I started it off. From listening to you every week.
I've paid off my debt and I even have a
Chasia's account.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Thank you, queen.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Oh, that's so lovely, sweet. I just have the Christmas
warm fuzzies. I know it's in the middle of summer
and so you know, the traditional motif for Christmas is
a snowy winter, but I still get the cozy feeling. Yes,
and I don't really know how to explain it.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
I know exactly what you mean. I still force I
forced myself hot cow a little chocolate moment. I'm sweating,
it's so hot. I'm like, well, you gott to, you know,
you got to.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
I can't get behind the you know how they do
the Christmas decoration be Santa at like the beach or something.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Yeah, I don't like it. It's not for me. It's funny,
but it's not for me. I get it, I get it,
it's hot, but Santa has to be rugged up what
it is. I don't want to see the shirt off.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
No, not to me.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
I don't want to see people. But I think they
should be freed. Yeah, double life. Everyone except Santa Pa
except Sanda. Actually, oh my goodness.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Well with this week we have another fantastic question that
she's the money are sent into us. I love doing
this because I think it's so fun to do something
not finance related. Totally if you feel the same, but finances,
I don't know that we're all here for the finance,
and I get it, but especially with VD away fun
to talk a little something Elsey. So this week's question
(04:02):
is from Kylie and she wants to know what the
gloss is on our Christmas wish list this week.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Oh okay, okay, okay, what are you hoping to say
under the tree. Honestly, I'm a big fan of a
novelty gift and I'm doing like a slinky like a
squishy toy, which I know is really silly. Because like, okay,
choose something practical like a Dyson vacuum clean that was
something that was actually gonna help me my life. Yeah,
but I really really just want, like, you know, tho's
(04:29):
like those little balls. I think Victoria actually got some
for us a few years ago. I think so were
you like press it and takes a world to bounce back.
I love those things, that little novelty, ideally colorful, weird,
useless crap under the.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Tree you never lost, like the childlike wonder of Christmas,
and I feel like that's what kids really wanted to.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
It's a silly thing. Just give me a box, a
give box, empty box. I'm happy with that. What about you?
Speaker 3 (04:58):
I wish I was as chill as you. What was
on my Christmas this year? I still really want a
Ninja creamy Swell. I feel folding out for Boxing Day sales,
hoping like there's a really good sale on there. But
that's obviously a big gift. I wouldn't acpect somebody to
buy me that. I love Amazon gift card for my Kindle.
I feel like, because yes, you know that, I can
buy lots of books.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Books.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Add up, they're expensive, so true. Nice to be able
to just put it on a gift card. I love
a gift card generally for Christmas.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
Me too.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
I think we've said this before, but I'm pro gift
card completely. A gift card, I completely wait because then
you don't have like the pressure of spending it on
bills and responsible things.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Genuinely, which I feel like is what everybody does, especially
like this time of year when you're so short on money,
you go, oh, I should be responsible or buy somebody
else a present with that or something like that.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Yes, no, no, no, let's get rid of that mindset.
Fun the things. Only I don't have a fills of
car does fun things, fun things, and that is all. Well.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Speaking of fun things, I have some really great money
wins that I've pulled out of the community this week.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Please alrighty.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Firstly, I've got one from Rebecca who said my partner
and I wanted a coffee machine. So I entered a
competition and I ended up winning scored myself a coffee
machine worth eight hundred dollars, so that we've saved the
eight hundred dollars we would have spent on the machine,
and also the money that we're now not spending buying
coffees out.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Double money with God. That is so good and it's
a very fancy to here, and I know you're good
with a coffee machine. This is what it looks like.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
She's very I did hundred dollars for sure. Next, I've
got a money win from Holly, who said, for the
first time in my adult life, I've canceled my credit
card and I'm only relying on cash. It's scary, as
I've always had a credit card as a just in case,
but it had to be done.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
You got to do it. Are You're going to be fine?
And I'm really really proud of you. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
And you know, if you've got your emergency fund, that
will be your safety in it that maybe the exact
card would be typically so exactly if you haven't already.
Now has a really good time to start building that
one up. Next, I've got a money win from Emily,
who said she's sold a perfume that her ex bought
her on marketplace. It was ninety percent full, not her
cup of tea, and reminded her of him. She sold
it for fifty bucks. She's going to combine it with
(07:07):
a gift card she has from Mecca and treat herself
to a brand new one, beautiful new you new scent.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
I completely agree in sense. Honestly, they can really take
you back to a bad time. So good for you.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
I think that was a great choice and I have
a little feel at that one. Next, I've got a
money in from Peter who said they went to a
secondhand market for baby cloths and found a sleep sack
in great condition for a dollar fifty plus twelve outfits
their growing bub and they only spent fifty bucks.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
It was so much cheaper than buying new. I didn't
know they were cly markets. No, that's fae. Never occurred
to me to look for something like that, but it
makes total sense. Really, it makes so much sense. Yeah,
because the grow out of it so fast. Yeah, asleep.
There's nothing cuter than a sleepsack.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
They look like a little.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Low worm I need.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
Every time our friends bring their baby out in their
little sleep back for bed, I go, oh, a little.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Squamy web beds, so so cute. Oh my god, fill
a baby. It's the cute at see.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
I know they were just so and they make fun
ones a little or maybe that's not for sleeping, actually
the ones with the woods.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
But anyway, it's dangerous. I actually don't know at all
needed to ask, but that's that's it's very cute. Exactly
as long as they're cute, we don't care about the
rest of it. That's all about it is exactly right.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
And then lastly this week, I've got a money in
from Zalie who said, got free scotch Field's avocados and
sausages all added into.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
My delivered grocery order. Oh great, love, that was just
an accident.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
There's nothing better than a random This happened to us recently.
We ordered online delivery from cold and we think we
just got a whole other person's order because we yes,
we did direct a boot where they just put it
in your car for you. My boyfriend picked up, he
brought it home and he's like, I think we got
like somebody else's order.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
And because we had these three extra bags, so it
was like a mystery unboxing. What did we get?
Speaker 4 (08:50):
It was?
Speaker 2 (08:51):
So I think I remember this, But they said that
they would give the other person there like you didn't
have to go take it back and be like, no,
was going hung that's it.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
They were like, yes, great, they will just replace whatever
was missing, and it all equals out and the big
corps are making billions of dollars. So I'm not feeling
bad about you know, a flag of scotching.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
No, that is so so fun. And now speaking of that,
because that actually sounds like a great brick tip, but
it's it's it's really just like a luck thing. It is,
so it's probably not good for a brick tip. But
if you was lovely, thank you so much. I'm not
you know, I think we've mentioned this before. I'm not
good at segways and I think that you are really
(09:30):
good at them, and so I am trying. So if
you ever hear appreciate the effort, thank you. Hit me
with your break tips, baby. Okay, So this one comes
from Stephanie, who says online catalogs are released Monday nights
at five pm a e s t. For Coals and Woolies.
I will look at these and see which week specials
are better to determine do I shop Monday Tuesday and
I or push to Wednesday for the new catalog specials.
(09:52):
So clever, so clever. I hadn't thought to compare the
week on week No, And because they're changing midweek, it's like, oh,
you really could just wait and see take your pick,
because nothing is more annoying than when you go and
you're like, okay, I got to buy this thing this week,
and then you see that it's on special a few days.
Speaker 4 (10:07):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Literallyating thing exactly. So the next one comes from Amara,
who says, I sell all of my Happy Meal toys
on eBay for ten dollars.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Loll.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
I agree with the loll. Happy meals cost six dollars
forty five. They always sell within the week, and it's
free lunch. I think it's that's genious. It's actually genius.
Who's buying Happy Meal toy?
Speaker 4 (10:28):
I know.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
I mean, I guess like if you are after a
specific wal, you're trying to collect them back, you're trying
to collect them I probably want for McDonald's meal. That's genius.
So smart. I am going to put this to the test. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's so clever totally, because yeah, you wouldn't just be
like I'm gonna keep buying half meals. You'd be like,
I just want this one toy. I don't want to
keep eating McDonald's.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
You know.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yeah, that's genius. So thank you on that one, good one,
and then my own one. So I know the shops
are craziest time of the year and specials can like
run out. So I'm using my broke tip to you
that Coals and Woolies do rain checks. So if you
go to get something special for Christmas Day and it's
out of stock, ask for a rain check and they'll
give you a slip of paper so you can buy
it at the same price when it comes back in stock,
(11:11):
and there's usually valid for like thirty days. That's a
great one.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
That's very true, because there's also nothing more annoying than
you go, Oh, I've looked at the specials. I figured
it out that toilet paper's n sale this, and I
need to get it, and then it's not on sale,
so then you have to go somewhere else and payful
price for it.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Totally. It blows your whole week out of whack. Yeah,
not that I've ever stuck to something else. You do
both toilet pods, some of you. That's so true. Different places, well,
that's it. And I mean, you know, we could end
up in the same exact place because some of you
(11:47):
there's no rules, you blow whatever you want. Oh my gosh,
we were very different places.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Reminder as well.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
I feel like, well we're talking about Christ, just blowout.
I just want to say there's a lot of guilt
around this time of year, around your spending, around what
you're giving. If you you know, we've spoken about how
you might want to give someone a large gift you
don't have the finances to do, so a lot of
guilt around food and indulging and all those sorts of things.
And I just want to remind everyone that at this
time you add it every time of year, but you're
(12:20):
allowed to.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Do what makes you feel good and completely agree. Things
that are.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Done or given or said with love are worth so
much more than you know, a really expensive gift. And
I just feel like there's a lot of pressure and
stress and we see people talking about it every year,
and so yes, this is your reminder that if you
want to blow out, or if you want to keep
it in or whatever you want to do. I wanted
this to be a nice sentiment, but I'm feeling.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Like I'm really fumbling with the blowout. You did a
great job, but just a reminder.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Everyone to be kind to yourself and be kind to
everyone else, because that's what it's really street is right, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
I completely agree with that. So with that, go forth
and we are going to go on a little break
and on the flip side, we're going to be talking
about splitting costs with your friends and handling clashes with
your family, about differing money values. Don't go anywhere. Welcome
back everyone. Here's this week's money dilemma.
Speaker 5 (13:14):
Hi. There, have you got a money dilemma you just
can't solve that. She's on the Money team is here
to help. Every week we tackle your dilemmas, both big
and small, to answer your most burning money, career and
life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website
and leave us a short voice recording and you might
just find yourself on the show.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Now, let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma.
Speaker 4 (13:37):
Hi, She's on the Money love the pod. Hope you
can help me with this one. So last night I
went to a friend's place for origin and some takeaway.
I got there late, so I didn't know what they
had ordered, but it was eight dishes for five girls,
and at the end of the night, seven dishes went
back into the fridge, either unopened or half full, and
(14:00):
I didn't take any leftovers home. But when I did
get home, I got a bea my request for twenty
eight dollars, I nearly died. I definitely didn't eat twenty
eight dollars worse. And I feel like I'm paying for
their lunch and dinner today. How do I ask to
pay less? Should I ask to pay less? If I
had known it was this much, I probably wouldn't have gone.
(14:23):
And I'm the only one in the group who lives
out of home, and I can't do this too often.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Thinks that's such a tricky one. I think, like, I
hate when some of that this happens, where it's like
you really are relying on both parties. You're relying on
the people to just do the right thing and just
be like, oh, hey, you didn't need that much, and
I'm taking all of the leftovers and we ordered too much.
(14:48):
I'm not going to expect you to pay this much.
You kind of rely on the other person to carry
the mental and emotional load of that kind of thing,
because otherwise it is extremely awkward for you to be like. Also,
you don't want to be like a social pariah, you know,
like there's so many layers to it. You don't want
to be like, hey, I you are eating the leftovers.
(15:08):
This is your lunch, this is your dinner. I didn't
eat that much. You just like there's no other option
other than like paying it but feeling really annoyed about
it and being a little bit resentful or being a
social prior because there's you know, like in an ideal world,
everyone would be like, oh, that makes sense, no worries.
But if they were going to do that, you wouldn't
have been requested to pay twenty eight dollars in the
(15:30):
first place. I feel so I think there are only
two options here and tends out close you are with
your friends. I think I would pay it this time around,
and then in the future whenever there's any discussion of
like hanging out and like buying takeaway or whatever, I'd
be like, hey, guys, I don't have that much money,
so maybe you just buy whatever, and I'll kind of
like pave my own in that way, you can get
(15:51):
your own food, you spend way less. They might realize
how ridiculous it is to order eight meals for hey,
and some people can eat that. That's so fine, Like
some people like to have options, absolutely, but you know,
if they do do that, then that's on them and
they're going to pay for that, you know. So I
think in this case, you kind of just got to like,
you kind of just got to do it.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Yeah, I feel like you are well within your right
to send a message and say either, hey, like we
only ate one.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Firstly, I can't believe you ate one of eight. That's crazy.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
I'm not sure what was going on there, but that
doesn't make any sense to me. But you know, we
only ate one of the dishes, Like, I just don't
feel like I've eaten twenty eight dollars worth of food?
Could I maybe swing by and pick up some of
the leftovers? Could be a middle ground, So maybe you
take some stuff home with you so that because also
one person's probably not going to eat the other seven
meals before they all go bad either. Yeah, So I
(16:43):
feel like that's like a nice middle point, Like Okay,
like I'm happy to like pay that twenty eight dollars,
but like I want to feel as though I've gotten
my values worth out of that, So can I come
pick some things up? I also think it's probably more
important to set a precedent for future and say, hey,
like for future, when we're ordering and we wait until
everyone's together, you know, make sure that it's in a
(17:03):
decision that everyone's happy with in terms of what we're ordering,
the amount that we're spending, et cetera. Because yeah, it's
not hard in this day and age to like call
somebody or send them a message and say, oh, we're
thinking TI, are you happy with X, y Z? And
then you can kind of then you've got the opportunity
to say, oh, no, that's a bit expensive for me.
I might pick up something else for myself, or you know,
totally happy with that, or whatever the vibe is. So
(17:26):
I think also it's a really good opportunity to open
up the conversation to do that. But I think you're
absolutely you're totally valid and fair to say that that
doesn't feel reasonable to you, because it doesn't feel reasonable
to me either. I don't know my group of friends
that's we're always really conscious of that stuff.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
So maybe it's just not.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Something they've ever had to think about. Especially if they're
living at home. They've probably got a bit more disposable
income than someone like our listener who is living out
of home paying all their bills. You know, money's a
lot something you're probably a lot more conscious of So
it might just be that they need a reminder that
that's not the situation for everybody. And if they're a
good friend, they're really not going to munch. They're probably
going to feel bad, hopefully and go, oh, I'm so
(18:04):
sorry to think about it. Absolutely, like don't worry about
transferring me the money or come pick something up or whatever,
and we'll make sure that that doesn't happen again totally.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
And if you're kind of feeling awkward about asking to
go pick up food, just maybe you could work it
in a way that's like, hey, if you're not gonna
if you're worry things are going to go off or whatever,
I'm happy to take some food off your hands. And
you know that kind of you you could frame a
different way. Yeah, it's a really really good middle ground
taking some food. And then that way you can kind
of just fight in your brain is like, oh, okay,
I've paid this money and it has gone to my food,
(18:36):
like round.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
But yeah, that's a real tricky one and could be
very awkward, But I think there's a way out that's
not Your friends are your friends for a reason.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
I feel like we get a lot of friend dilemmas,
and I know that, like socially, we're conditioned to feel
awkward to talk about money. But it shouldn't be And
if your friends care about you, which were assuming they
do see your friends, then it doesn't need to be
a big deal.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
I don't think.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Totally speaking of conflict though, this week's DM touched on
as well, and it is I think very timely. Oh
everyone prepping for their big family lunches and dinners. So
our message said, Hey, angels, I really don't want to
go to family Christmas this year. My sister is super successful,
and my parents won't stop talking about how she's flying
home business class and buying them an expensive coffee machine.
(19:21):
She runs her own business and only seems to care
about money. Well, I've always chosen passion overpay. Every time
we're together, Dad jokes that I should be more like her,
or that she should give me a job. She's also
made a lot of money investing in companies that I
find questionable. I'm the politically odd one out too. They
all vote for what makes them richer, and it always
ends in snarky comments. I'd love to know how you'd
(19:44):
handle this and what lines I can use if I
actually decide to show up.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
This feels like my entire life. I think there are, like,
there's so many elements to it. And I always say
to my partner, for example, who is like really really
money focused and really does well with achieving her financial
goals and all of these things, she always just says
to me, like, we're just different. We're just different. And
I'm like, I wish that my different wasn't the inferior one.
(20:08):
Socially it's not, actually, but like socially we're taught that
that is the inferior one. And so it is really
hard to talk your way out of that, especially when
you know, maybe you're talking to someone who does value
money as everything. How much money you have depends on
how good you are as a person, how much value
you hold, and like, unfortunately there are people like that
out there, and we just can't avoid it. And so
(20:30):
when you're in this kind of situation and you're like,
you know that you're happy, you're healthy, you have such
a fulfilling life, and then you're talking to someone who
is quote unquote different in the more superior way by
society standards, You're like, well, I don't know what to
say here because you're like, you could argue that, like
(20:53):
it's not all about money, you could allure these things,
and we all know that. People who know that know that.
But then you're still like, well, I'm on a worse
end of it. You'd be great if you had all
this money and you are arguing that everyone's successful in
their own way. Then you're like, cool, I have all
this money, so I do know anything to worry about.
And also I am allowed to say this. But when
(21:13):
you don't have a lot of money and you're like
everyone's successful in their own way, it's like, well, you're
saying that because you don't have a lot of money,
do you.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Does that kind of make sense? I totally. And so
it can be kind of like inside you just like
this feeling of like urgency of like but also helplessness
because you can't really get your point across, you can't
really be you feel like you can't be taken seriously,
and you know all these things. There's so many, so
many layers to it. But I think in this kind
of situation when people say, like if you're you know,
(21:40):
you're talking to your dad and he's like, you should
be more like your sister. For some reason, as you
were reading that, I thought it was going to say
you should be more like a sister or she should
be more like me, And it was kind of like,
you're kind of taking bits and pieces from everyone's life,
and yeah, we could all stand to be a little
bit more like anyone. You know, I'm sure we could
learn a lot from everyone in the world. Everyone's got
room for improvement. Yeah, but why should just you be
(22:02):
like just her? It's the money thing, and it's like,
it's so exhausting at this point. It's exhausting, and so
like I can understand why you don't want to go.
I guess like I'm trying to avoid it. But communication
is everything. But if you're surrounded by people who are
not not seeing you and not understanding the richness that
your life has, and richness comes from so many different things.
(22:25):
It comes from community and love and friends and romantic
love and friendship love and all these kind of things.
And if they're just like boiling it down to literally
just money, something that isn't like an evolutionary part of
our you know, I'm just like, it's arbitrary. It's arbitrary.
It's so arbitrary. So I think communication is key, and
(22:47):
then I don't know, maybe like distilling it down and
like asking them why they think this way and what
they think richness looks like, what they think happiness looks like,
and that you're human with different values and they are
just as valuable. Yeah, so communication with it, and sorry
to burst your bubble, but that's maybe the answer. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
It can be really hard when you feel like you're
the odd one out on you know, a political because
I think that bleeds into so many different phases of
your life in terms of what you value.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
But also there's nothing worse.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
And I've been in this situation where you're sitting in
Kable at Christmas time and you're going, do I buy it?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Do I not bite?
Speaker 3 (23:28):
I don't want to ruin Christmas? But also like I
don't want to squash my own morals down. It's a
very tough situation to be in, and I wonder, Yeah,
exactly as you're saying, have you kind of raised with
them what you raised with us? Like it's I understand
that exactly as you said back, they're saying, well, well
look at her, she's traditionally successful.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
But from what you've told us. It sounds like you're
incredibly successful too. You know, you're you're working.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
Jobs that you're passionate about, You're doing things that are
in line with your values. That's all really fantastic And
exactly as you said, money is so arbitrary, Like, yes,
it can make your life comfortable, but some of the
richest people in the world are the most miserable, and
arguably I'd rather be happy than you know, totally and
really struggling.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
And I know it's not that simple.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
You know, obviously money is important, but yeah, I think
that there is something in if you haven't already, because
I feel like perhaps you might of but if you
haven't already letting them know how these conversations make you feel,
gently reminding them that there is more to life than
those things like a business class flight is great, but
you know, there are so many other things in your
(24:33):
life that you probably have going on that it equally
is exciting to you. You know, have they seen that?
Have they considered that I'm a big to go back
to my example of the Christmas dinner table, I'm a
big avoid like I will just change the subject. I
know that that's probably not the right answer, but see
the conversation away where possible from murky waters, just to
(24:53):
avoid a fight. But yeah, I think it's probably a
bigger issue, and it can be really hard if you're
working against what feels like a unit where everybody else
is in agreement in terms of their perspective, it can
feel really isolating for you on your own. So I
just want to validate that, and I want to say,
if going is going to be traumatic for you, it
is also okay for you to not attend. I think
(25:15):
there's a lot of pressure on people at Christmas time
and a lot of you know, Christmas is all about
family and love and da da da, And I know
that you're like, yes, absolutely, that's true. But it shouldn't
be to the detriment of your your self worth, of
your happiness. It is just another day in the year
at the end of the day. And if going is
going to be emotionally taxing on you, particularly if you
(25:37):
try to have like this type of conversation, I think
and it falls on deaf years, that would be the
point at which I would kind of be going, Okay, well,
is this an exercise that I want to participate in future?
Because you know, you also don't owe anybody anything. And
as much as of course you want to spend Christmas
surrounded by family and people you love, if that is
going to be hard, I also think that if you
(26:00):
not that you need permission. But if you did want
someone to back it in a little bit and say
that's okay, I just want to tell you that's okay.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
Completely agree. What did everyone else say? Yes?
Speaker 3 (26:09):
So we asked the community over on Instagram and the
response is poured in. So firstly we said what would
you do if you were our community member? Twenty nine
percent of people said they would skip Christmas all together.
Thirty percent of people said they would speak to them
before Christmas, which we didn't even say that that's actually
a great idea.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
That is a great idea.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Preempt it a little bit and say hey, this is
how I felt in the past. You know, I want
us to all have a great time. Let's get it
off our chest, because it's probably a little less emotionally
charged than trying to have it, you know, over prawns
on the Christmas table too totally. Then twenty two percent
of people said they'd pull a Jess and keep quiet
to avoid the drama, and twenty percent of people said
they'd go in ready to call out bad behavior. Next,
(26:49):
we said how aligned are your family's money values with yours?
Forty three percent of people said they're pretty similar, seven
percent of people said they're polar opposites, thirty five percent
of people said we agree sometimes, and fourteen percent said
no one even talks about it okay, which interesting but
baally a safe yes, safe option I think for Christmas.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
And then, of course, as always, we said to the community,
what is your two cents? First person said, as the
in quotes successful person in the family, I find it
awkward to discuss money, and my family don't want to
hear about it either.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
Self aware queen.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
Next somebody said, my boomer parents are slowly changing their
minds and seeing the impacts that these things will have
on the grandkids.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
Oh gorgeous.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
I do think it is a generational thing. I think
our generation is probably more open minded than the one
before them and before them. Yes, and so hopefully, like,
even if it is uncomfortable to have these conversations, having
them sometimes can really help to change the direction of
those thought patterns.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
Totally progress for the future.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Next, somebody said, if they risk the relationship by making jokes.
It's okay to risk the relationship defending yourself.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Oh it's such a great point. Yeah, if you're someone
who doesn't like conflict, I really like that. Take.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Somebody else said, I love my family, but this ViBe's
really hard. I try to bite my tongue and rotate
through talking to different relatives to help. Somebody else said,
my brother in law is a Trump supporter. We've agreed
to not discuss politics ever.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Oh good, it would be really hard.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
Sitting And it is sometimes really hard sitting across from
somebody knowing that you disagree on something. Yeah, fundamentally, Yeah,
especially something like politics. Where as you know re said,
it can it flows into so many different things, Like
Trump is an example, Like I, personally, this is my opinion,
think he's a vile person. I don't agree with any
(28:43):
of the morals that he stands for. It would be
really hard if I was seeing across from you back
and you're like, oh my god, will Trump.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Like totally, because I'm almost saying a roundabout way and
this is like not only the Trump thing, but like
in other ways, like yes, if you really took away
everything you're kind of saying I think you're less than me,
or is something like that in some way? Like yeah,
and that is like if you know that you're sitting
across on someone who you think thinks said about you,
it's really uncomfortable and what do you do?
Speaker 5 (29:11):
Yeah, it is.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
It's so hard to think about.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Yeah, somebody else said, a joke is only a joke
if everybody finds it funny and not hurtful.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Yes, completely agree, which I could not agree more with.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
Someone else said, to be honest, I offered to be
on call this year to avoid big in law drama
at Christmas time.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
So keen to be at home clever, very clever.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
And then last, they want to finish off on this one,
which says if they weren't family and they were your
friends instead, would.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
You go that's your answer. That's a great point.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
Don't feel obliged. People feel obliged to do things at
this time of year, and you need to put yourself first.
And that's totally okay.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Yeah, completely agree. It's the one time of year where
you should be seeing the people that you love the most,
and that might be friends, that might be a partner,
that might be whoever. But if you're not very happy
seeing these people that you grew up with. That's okay
as well. Just do what makes you at the end
of the day all the time. I think it's a
really great place to leave it. I think you're totally right.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Thank you guys so much for spending the week with us,
Wishing you the happiest, merriest, most joyous Christmas ever. No
matter what you're doing or you're spending it with, whether
you celebrate or not, know that our whole team is
sending so much love to you and we're really excited
to hang out with you again on Monday for a
money diary.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Merry Christmas everyone, and if you're spending the day alone,
just know that we are here right here with you.
So have a gorgeous day and a very merry Christmas.
Bye everyone, Bye.
Speaker 5 (30:35):
The advice shared on She's on the Money is general
in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
She's on the.
Speaker 5 (30:42):
Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be
relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If
you do choose to buy a financial product, read the
PDS TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your
needs Victoria divine and she's on the money. Are authorized
represent gives of money, sirper P T Y L T
(31:02):
D A b N three two one six four nine
two seven seven zero eight a F s L four
five one two eight nine
My name is Tatasha Bamblet. I'm a proud First Nations
woman and I'm here to acknowledge country t Glenn Young
Ganya Nianar Kaka yah y and beIN Ahaka nian Our
gay In Mbini, yakarum Jar, Dominyamiga Umagahawakawaman, damon Imlan Mbaban
Gadabomba in and now in wakah Ghana on yak rum
Jar water Nata. Hello, beautiful friends, we gather on the
(00:24):
lands of the Aboriginal people. We thank acknowledge and respect
the Aberiginal people's land that we're gathering on today. Take
pleasure in all the land and respect all that you see.
She's on the Money podcast acknowledges culture, country, community and connections,
bringing you the tools, knowledge and resources for you to thrive.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
that makes personal finance fun, especially on Fridays. It is
our favorite day of the week because we get to
get the team together and celebrate you the incredible She's
on the Money community, and yes you're hearing right, it's
just Ricky taking over today because unfortunately vd's and well,
I'm still going to be sharing all of my favorite
money wins and confessions, and Beck, who is also here,
(01:30):
is still going to share all of her best broke tips.
We're going to help answer a money dilemma, which is
a spicy one this week, all about splitting takeaway costs
at a friend's house, and something you slid into our
DMS about how you should handle clashes with your family
about differing money values on Christmas Day.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Oh, it's just us today. It is so nice. It's
always fun when we get to hang out.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I know it is.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
Really.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
You're so good at the intro. I guess I will
thank you. You're just like you just pick it up.
You just know what you're doing.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
I feel like my intonation is exactly the same as
Victoria's because I've just heard it.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Very similar, but slightly different, totally. Oh my gosh, Well,
how's your weep? It's been lovely. Hi have done not
a whole lot, actually, just been plodding along the chaos
before Christmas. Oh gosh, lovely? Yes, how are you great?
I feel like everything is so magical this time of year.
You know, everything's so whimsyical. You do love a bit
of whimsy. I do love a bit of whimsy. Well,
(02:27):
I have a little bit of Christmas whimsy in this
week's five star review.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
If you would like to hear it. I would love to, Alrighty.
It came from Bianca and she said, Hey, the Jess
and Beck. Because of everything you guys do for the community,
I wanted to give you a Christmas present of a
five star review.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
Oh.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
I'm ending the year in such a better way than
I started it off. From listening to you every week.
I've paid off my debt and I even have a
Chasia's account.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Thank you, queen.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Oh, that's so lovely, sweet. I just have the Christmas
warm fuzzies. I know it's in the middle of summer
and so you know, the traditional motif for Christmas is
a snowy winter, but I still get the cozy feeling. Yes,
and I don't really know how to explain it.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
I know exactly what you mean. I still force I
forced myself hot cow a little chocolate moment. I'm sweating,
it's so hot. I'm like, well, you gott to, you know,
you got to.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
I can't get behind the you know how they do
the Christmas decoration be Santa at like the beach or something.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Yeah, I don't like it. It's not for me. It's funny,
but it's not for me. I get it, I get it,
it's hot, but Santa has to be rugged up what
it is. I don't want to see the shirt off.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
No, not to me.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
I don't want to see people. But I think they
should be freed. Yeah, double life. Everyone except Santa Pa
except Sanda. Actually, oh my goodness.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Well with this week we have another fantastic question that
she's the money are sent into us. I love doing
this because I think it's so fun to do something
not finance related. Totally if you feel the same, but finances,
I don't know that we're all here for the finance,
and I get it, but especially with VD away fun
to talk a little something Elsey. So this week's question
(04:02):
is from Kylie and she wants to know what the
gloss is on our Christmas wish list this week.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Oh okay, okay, okay, what are you hoping to say
under the tree. Honestly, I'm a big fan of a
novelty gift and I'm doing like a slinky like a
squishy toy, which I know is really silly. Because like, okay,
choose something practical like a Dyson vacuum clean that was
something that was actually gonna help me my life. Yeah,
but I really really just want, like, you know, tho's
(04:29):
like those little balls. I think Victoria actually got some
for us a few years ago. I think so were
you like press it and takes a world to bounce back.
I love those things, that little novelty, ideally colorful, weird,
useless crap under the.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Tree you never lost, like the childlike wonder of Christmas,
and I feel like that's what kids really wanted to.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
It's a silly thing. Just give me a box, a
give box, empty box. I'm happy with that. What about you?
Speaker 3 (04:58):
I wish I was as chill as you. What was
on my Christmas this year? I still really want a
Ninja creamy Swell. I feel folding out for Boxing Day sales,
hoping like there's a really good sale on there. But
that's obviously a big gift. I wouldn't acpect somebody to
buy me that. I love Amazon gift card for my Kindle.
I feel like, because yes, you know that, I can
buy lots of books.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Books.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Add up, they're expensive, so true. Nice to be able
to just put it on a gift card. I love
a gift card generally for Christmas.
Speaker 4 (05:25):
Me too.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
I think we've said this before, but I'm pro gift
card completely. A gift card, I completely wait because then
you don't have like the pressure of spending it on
bills and responsible things.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Genuinely, which I feel like is what everybody does, especially
like this time of year when you're so short on money,
you go, oh, I should be responsible or buy somebody
else a present with that or something like that.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Yes, no, no, no, let's get rid of that mindset.
Fun the things. Only I don't have a fills of
car does fun things, fun things, and that is all. Well.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Speaking of fun things, I have some really great money
wins that I've pulled out of the community this week.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Please alrighty.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
Firstly, I've got one from Rebecca who said my partner
and I wanted a coffee machine. So I entered a
competition and I ended up winning scored myself a coffee
machine worth eight hundred dollars, so that we've saved the
eight hundred dollars we would have spent on the machine,
and also the money that we're now not spending buying
coffees out.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Double money with God. That is so good and it's
a very fancy to here, and I know you're good
with a coffee machine. This is what it looks like.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
She's very I did hundred dollars for sure. Next, I've
got a money win from Holly, who said, for the
first time in my adult life, I've canceled my credit
card and I'm only relying on cash. It's scary, as
I've always had a credit card as a just in case,
but it had to be done.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
You got to do it. Are You're going to be fine?
And I'm really really proud of you. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
And you know, if you've got your emergency fund, that
will be your safety in it that maybe the exact
card would be typically so exactly if you haven't already.
Now has a really good time to start building that
one up. Next, I've got a money win from Emily,
who said she's sold a perfume that her ex bought
her on marketplace. It was ninety percent full, not her
cup of tea, and reminded her of him. She sold
it for fifty bucks. She's going to combine it with
(07:07):
a gift card she has from Mecca and treat herself
to a brand new one, beautiful new you new scent.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
I completely agree in sense. Honestly, they can really take
you back to a bad time. So good for you.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
I think that was a great choice and I have
a little feel at that one. Next, I've got a
money in from Peter who said they went to a
secondhand market for baby cloths and found a sleep sack
in great condition for a dollar fifty plus twelve outfits
their growing bub and they only spent fifty bucks.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
It was so much cheaper than buying new. I didn't
know they were cly markets. No, that's fae. Never occurred
to me to look for something like that, but it
makes total sense. Really, it makes so much sense. Yeah,
because the grow out of it so fast. Yeah, asleep.
There's nothing cuter than a sleepsack.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
They look like a little.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Low worm I need.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
Every time our friends bring their baby out in their
little sleep back for bed, I go, oh, a little.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Squamy web beds, so so cute. Oh my god, fill
a baby. It's the cute at see.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
I know they were just so and they make fun
ones a little or maybe that's not for sleeping, actually
the ones with the woods.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
But anyway, it's dangerous. I actually don't know at all
needed to ask, but that's that's it's very cute. Exactly
as long as they're cute, we don't care about the
rest of it. That's all about it is exactly right.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
And then lastly this week, I've got a money in
from Zalie who said, got free scotch Field's avocados and
sausages all added into.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
My delivered grocery order. Oh great, love, that was just
an accident.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
There's nothing better than a random This happened to us recently.
We ordered online delivery from cold and we think we
just got a whole other person's order because we yes,
we did direct a boot where they just put it
in your car for you. My boyfriend picked up, he
brought it home and he's like, I think we got
like somebody else's order.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
And because we had these three extra bags, so it
was like a mystery unboxing. What did we get?
Speaker 4 (08:50):
It was?
Speaker 2 (08:51):
So I think I remember this, But they said that
they would give the other person there like you didn't
have to go take it back and be like, no,
was going hung that's it.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
They were like, yes, great, they will just replace whatever
was missing, and it all equals out and the big
corps are making billions of dollars. So I'm not feeling
bad about you know, a flag of scotching.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
No, that is so so fun. And now speaking of that,
because that actually sounds like a great brick tip, but
it's it's it's really just like a luck thing. It is,
so it's probably not good for a brick tip. But
if you was lovely, thank you so much. I'm not
you know, I think we've mentioned this before. I'm not
good at segways and I think that you are really
(09:30):
good at them, and so I am trying. So if
you ever hear appreciate the effort, thank you. Hit me
with your break tips, baby. Okay, So this one comes
from Stephanie, who says online catalogs are released Monday nights
at five pm a e s t. For Coals and Woolies.
I will look at these and see which week specials
are better to determine do I shop Monday Tuesday and
I or push to Wednesday for the new catalog specials.
(09:52):
So clever, so clever. I hadn't thought to compare the
week on week No, And because they're changing midweek, it's like, oh,
you really could just wait and see take your pick,
because nothing is more annoying than when you go and
you're like, okay, I got to buy this thing this week,
and then you see that it's on special a few days.
Speaker 4 (10:07):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (10:08):
Literallyating thing exactly. So the next one comes from Amara,
who says, I sell all of my Happy Meal toys
on eBay for ten dollars.
Speaker 4 (10:15):
Loll.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
I agree with the loll. Happy meals cost six dollars
forty five. They always sell within the week, and it's
free lunch. I think it's that's genious. It's actually genius.
Who's buying Happy Meal toy?
Speaker 4 (10:28):
I know.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
I mean, I guess like if you are after a
specific wal, you're trying to collect them back, you're trying
to collect them I probably want for McDonald's meal. That's genius.
So smart. I am going to put this to the test. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's so clever totally, because yeah, you wouldn't just be
like I'm gonna keep buying half meals. You'd be like,
I just want this one toy. I don't want to
keep eating McDonald's.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
You know.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yeah, that's genius. So thank you on that one, good one,
and then my own one. So I know the shops
are craziest time of the year and specials can like
run out. So I'm using my broke tip to you
that Coals and Woolies do rain checks. So if you
go to get something special for Christmas Day and it's
out of stock, ask for a rain check and they'll
give you a slip of paper so you can buy
it at the same price when it comes back in stock,
(11:11):
and there's usually valid for like thirty days. That's a
great one.
Speaker 3 (11:13):
That's very true, because there's also nothing more annoying than
you go, Oh, I've looked at the specials. I figured
it out that toilet paper's n sale this, and I
need to get it, and then it's not on sale,
so then you have to go somewhere else and payful
price for it.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Totally. It blows your whole week out of whack. Yeah,
not that I've ever stuck to something else. You do
both toilet pods, some of you. That's so true. Different places, well,
that's it. And I mean, you know, we could end
up in the same exact place because some of you
(11:47):
there's no rules, you blow whatever you want. Oh my gosh,
we were very different places.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Reminder as well.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
I feel like, well we're talking about Christ, just blowout.
I just want to say there's a lot of guilt
around this time of year, around your spending, around what
you're giving. If you you know, we've spoken about how
you might want to give someone a large gift you
don't have the finances to do, so a lot of
guilt around food and indulging and all those sorts of things.
And I just want to remind everyone that at this
time you add it every time of year, but you're
(12:20):
allowed to.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Do what makes you feel good and completely agree. Things
that are.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Done or given or said with love are worth so
much more than you know, a really expensive gift. And
I just feel like there's a lot of pressure and
stress and we see people talking about it every year,
and so yes, this is your reminder that if you
want to blow out, or if you want to keep
it in or whatever you want to do. I wanted
this to be a nice sentiment, but I'm feeling.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Like I'm really fumbling with the blowout. You did a
great job, but just a reminder.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Everyone to be kind to yourself and be kind to
everyone else, because that's what it's really street is right, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (12:54):
I completely agree with that. So with that, go forth
and we are going to go on a little break
and on the flip side, we're going to be talking
about splitting costs with your friends and handling clashes with
your family, about differing money values. Don't go anywhere. Welcome
back everyone. Here's this week's money dilemma.
Speaker 5 (13:14):
Hi. There, have you got a money dilemma you just
can't solve that. She's on the Money team is here
to help. Every week we tackle your dilemmas, both big
and small, to answer your most burning money, career and
life questions. To get involved, simply head to our website
and leave us a short voice recording and you might
just find yourself on the show.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Now, let's take a listen to this week's money dilemma.
Speaker 4 (13:37):
Hi, She's on the Money love the pod. Hope you
can help me with this one. So last night I
went to a friend's place for origin and some takeaway.
I got there late, so I didn't know what they
had ordered, but it was eight dishes for five girls,
and at the end of the night, seven dishes went
back into the fridge, either unopened or half full, and
(14:00):
I didn't take any leftovers home. But when I did
get home, I got a bea my request for twenty
eight dollars, I nearly died. I definitely didn't eat twenty
eight dollars worse. And I feel like I'm paying for
their lunch and dinner today. How do I ask to
pay less? Should I ask to pay less? If I
had known it was this much, I probably wouldn't have gone.
(14:23):
And I'm the only one in the group who lives
out of home, and I can't do this too often.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Thinks that's such a tricky one. I think, like, I
hate when some of that this happens, where it's like
you really are relying on both parties. You're relying on
the people to just do the right thing and just
be like, oh, hey, you didn't need that much, and
I'm taking all of the leftovers and we ordered too much.
(14:48):
I'm not going to expect you to pay this much.
You kind of rely on the other person to carry
the mental and emotional load of that kind of thing,
because otherwise it is extremely awkward for you to be like. Also,
you don't want to be like a social pariah, you know,
like there's so many layers to it. You don't want
to be like, hey, I you are eating the leftovers.
(15:08):
This is your lunch, this is your dinner. I didn't
eat that much. You just like there's no other option
other than like paying it but feeling really annoyed about
it and being a little bit resentful or being a
social prior because there's you know, like in an ideal world,
everyone would be like, oh, that makes sense, no worries.
But if they were going to do that, you wouldn't
have been requested to pay twenty eight dollars in the
(15:30):
first place. I feel so I think there are only
two options here and tends out close you are with
your friends. I think I would pay it this time around,
and then in the future whenever there's any discussion of
like hanging out and like buying takeaway or whatever, I'd
be like, hey, guys, I don't have that much money,
so maybe you just buy whatever, and I'll kind of
like pave my own in that way, you can get
(15:51):
your own food, you spend way less. They might realize
how ridiculous it is to order eight meals for hey,
and some people can eat that. That's so fine, Like
some people like to have options, absolutely, but you know,
if they do do that, then that's on them and
they're going to pay for that, you know. So I
think in this case, you kind of just got to like,
you kind of just got to do it.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
Yeah, I feel like you are well within your right
to send a message and say either, hey, like we
only ate one.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Firstly, I can't believe you ate one of eight. That's crazy.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
I'm not sure what was going on there, but that
doesn't make any sense to me. But you know, we
only ate one of the dishes, Like, I just don't
feel like I've eaten twenty eight dollars worth of food?
Could I maybe swing by and pick up some of
the leftovers? Could be a middle ground, So maybe you
take some stuff home with you so that because also
one person's probably not going to eat the other seven
meals before they all go bad either. Yeah, So I
(16:43):
feel like that's like a nice middle point, Like Okay,
like I'm happy to like pay that twenty eight dollars,
but like I want to feel as though I've gotten
my values worth out of that, So can I come
pick some things up? I also think it's probably more
important to set a precedent for future and say, hey,
like for future, when we're ordering and we wait until
everyone's together, you know, make sure that it's in a
(17:03):
decision that everyone's happy with in terms of what we're ordering,
the amount that we're spending, et cetera. Because yeah, it's
not hard in this day and age to like call
somebody or send them a message and say, oh, we're
thinking TI, are you happy with X, y Z? And
then you can kind of then you've got the opportunity
to say, oh, no, that's a bit expensive for me.
I might pick up something else for myself, or you know,
totally happy with that, or whatever the vibe is. So
(17:26):
I think also it's a really good opportunity to open
up the conversation to do that. But I think you're
absolutely you're totally valid and fair to say that that
doesn't feel reasonable to you, because it doesn't feel reasonable
to me either. I don't know my group of friends
that's we're always really conscious of that stuff.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
So maybe it's just not.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Something they've ever had to think about. Especially if they're
living at home. They've probably got a bit more disposable
income than someone like our listener who is living out
of home paying all their bills. You know, money's a
lot something you're probably a lot more conscious of So
it might just be that they need a reminder that
that's not the situation for everybody. And if they're a
good friend, they're really not going to munch. They're probably
going to feel bad, hopefully and go, oh, I'm so
(18:04):
sorry to think about it. Absolutely, like don't worry about
transferring me the money or come pick something up or whatever,
and we'll make sure that that doesn't happen again totally.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
And if you're kind of feeling awkward about asking to
go pick up food, just maybe you could work it
in a way that's like, hey, if you're not gonna
if you're worry things are going to go off or whatever,
I'm happy to take some food off your hands. And
you know that kind of you you could frame a
different way. Yeah, it's a really really good middle ground
taking some food. And then that way you can kind
of just fight in your brain is like, oh, okay,
I've paid this money and it has gone to my food,
(18:36):
like round.
Speaker 1 (18:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
But yeah, that's a real tricky one and could be
very awkward, But I think there's a way out that's
not Your friends are your friends for a reason.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
I feel like we get a lot of friend dilemmas,
and I know that, like socially, we're conditioned to feel
awkward to talk about money. But it shouldn't be And
if your friends care about you, which were assuming they
do see your friends, then it doesn't need to be
a big deal.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
I don't think.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Totally speaking of conflict though, this week's DM touched on
as well, and it is I think very timely. Oh
everyone prepping for their big family lunches and dinners. So
our message said, Hey, angels, I really don't want to
go to family Christmas this year. My sister is super successful,
and my parents won't stop talking about how she's flying
home business class and buying them an expensive coffee machine.
(19:21):
She runs her own business and only seems to care
about money. Well, I've always chosen passion overpay. Every time
we're together, Dad jokes that I should be more like her,
or that she should give me a job. She's also
made a lot of money investing in companies that I
find questionable. I'm the politically odd one out too. They
all vote for what makes them richer, and it always
ends in snarky comments. I'd love to know how you'd
(19:44):
handle this and what lines I can use if I
actually decide to show up.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
This feels like my entire life. I think there are, like,
there's so many elements to it. And I always say
to my partner, for example, who is like really really
money focused and really does well with achieving her financial
goals and all of these things, she always just says
to me, like, we're just different. We're just different. And
I'm like, I wish that my different wasn't the inferior one.
(20:08):
Socially it's not, actually, but like socially we're taught that
that is the inferior one. And so it is really
hard to talk your way out of that, especially when
you know, maybe you're talking to someone who does value
money as everything. How much money you have depends on
how good you are as a person, how much value
you hold, and like, unfortunately there are people like that
out there, and we just can't avoid it. And so
(20:30):
when you're in this kind of situation and you're like,
you know that you're happy, you're healthy, you have such
a fulfilling life, and then you're talking to someone who
is quote unquote different in the more superior way by
society standards, You're like, well, I don't know what to
say here because you're like, you could argue that, like
(20:53):
it's not all about money, you could allure these things,
and we all know that. People who know that know that.
But then you're still like, well, I'm on a worse
end of it. You'd be great if you had all
this money and you are arguing that everyone's successful in
their own way. Then you're like, cool, I have all
this money, so I do know anything to worry about.
And also I am allowed to say this. But when
(21:13):
you don't have a lot of money and you're like
everyone's successful in their own way, it's like, well, you're
saying that because you don't have a lot of money,
do you.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
Know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (21:19):
Does that kind of make sense? I totally. And so
it can be kind of like inside you just like
this feeling of like urgency of like but also helplessness
because you can't really get your point across, you can't
really be you feel like you can't be taken seriously,
and you know all these things. There's so many, so
many layers to it. But I think in this kind
of situation when people say, like if you're you know,
(21:40):
you're talking to your dad and he's like, you should
be more like your sister. For some reason, as you
were reading that, I thought it was going to say
you should be more like a sister or she should
be more like me, And it was kind of like,
you're kind of taking bits and pieces from everyone's life,
and yeah, we could all stand to be a little
bit more like anyone. You know, I'm sure we could
learn a lot from everyone in the world. Everyone's got
room for improvement. Yeah, but why should just you be
(22:02):
like just her? It's the money thing, and it's like,
it's so exhausting at this point. It's exhausting, and so
like I can understand why you don't want to go.
I guess like I'm trying to avoid it. But communication
is everything. But if you're surrounded by people who are
not not seeing you and not understanding the richness that
your life has, and richness comes from so many different things.
(22:25):
It comes from community and love and friends and romantic
love and friendship love and all these kind of things.
And if they're just like boiling it down to literally
just money, something that isn't like an evolutionary part of
our you know, I'm just like, it's arbitrary. It's arbitrary.
It's so arbitrary. So I think communication is key, and
(22:47):
then I don't know, maybe like distilling it down and
like asking them why they think this way and what
they think richness looks like, what they think happiness looks like,
and that you're human with different values and they are
just as valuable. Yeah, so communication with it, and sorry
to burst your bubble, but that's maybe the answer. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
It can be really hard when you feel like you're
the odd one out on you know, a political because
I think that bleeds into so many different phases of
your life in terms of what you value.
Speaker 2 (23:17):
But also there's nothing worse.
Speaker 3 (23:19):
And I've been in this situation where you're sitting in
Kable at Christmas time and you're going, do I buy it?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Do I not bite?
Speaker 3 (23:28):
I don't want to ruin Christmas? But also like I
don't want to squash my own morals down. It's a
very tough situation to be in, and I wonder, Yeah,
exactly as you're saying, have you kind of raised with
them what you raised with us? Like it's I understand
that exactly as you said back, they're saying, well, well
look at her, she's traditionally successful.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
But from what you've told us. It sounds like you're
incredibly successful too. You know, you're you're working.
Speaker 3 (23:52):
Jobs that you're passionate about, You're doing things that are
in line with your values. That's all really fantastic And
exactly as you said, money is so arbitrary, Like, yes,
it can make your life comfortable, but some of the
richest people in the world are the most miserable, and
arguably I'd rather be happy than you know, totally and
really struggling.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
And I know it's not that simple.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
You know, obviously money is important, but yeah, I think
that there is something in if you haven't already, because
I feel like perhaps you might of but if you
haven't already letting them know how these conversations make you feel,
gently reminding them that there is more to life than
those things like a business class flight is great, but
you know, there are so many other things in your
(24:33):
life that you probably have going on that it equally
is exciting to you. You know, have they seen that?
Have they considered that I'm a big to go back
to my example of the Christmas dinner table, I'm a
big avoid like I will just change the subject. I
know that that's probably not the right answer, but see
the conversation away where possible from murky waters, just to
(24:53):
avoid a fight. But yeah, I think it's probably a
bigger issue, and it can be really hard if you're
working against what feels like a unit where everybody else
is in agreement in terms of their perspective, it can
feel really isolating for you on your own. So I
just want to validate that, and I want to say,
if going is going to be traumatic for you, it
is also okay for you to not attend. I think
(25:15):
there's a lot of pressure on people at Christmas time
and a lot of you know, Christmas is all about
family and love and da da da, And I know
that you're like, yes, absolutely, that's true. But it shouldn't
be to the detriment of your your self worth, of
your happiness. It is just another day in the year
at the end of the day. And if going is
going to be emotionally taxing on you, particularly if you
(25:37):
try to have like this type of conversation, I think
and it falls on deaf years, that would be the
point at which I would kind of be going, Okay, well,
is this an exercise that I want to participate in future?
Because you know, you also don't owe anybody anything. And
as much as of course you want to spend Christmas
surrounded by family and people you love, if that is
going to be hard, I also think that if you
(26:00):
not that you need permission. But if you did want
someone to back it in a little bit and say
that's okay, I just want to tell you that's okay.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
Completely agree. What did everyone else say? Yes?
Speaker 3 (26:09):
So we asked the community over on Instagram and the
response is poured in. So firstly we said what would
you do if you were our community member? Twenty nine
percent of people said they would skip Christmas all together.
Thirty percent of people said they would speak to them
before Christmas, which we didn't even say that that's actually
a great idea.
Speaker 2 (26:26):
That is a great idea.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
Preempt it a little bit and say hey, this is
how I felt in the past. You know, I want
us to all have a great time. Let's get it
off our chest, because it's probably a little less emotionally
charged than trying to have it, you know, over prawns
on the Christmas table too totally. Then twenty two percent
of people said they'd pull a Jess and keep quiet
to avoid the drama, and twenty percent of people said
they'd go in ready to call out bad behavior. Next,
(26:49):
we said how aligned are your family's money values with yours?
Forty three percent of people said they're pretty similar, seven
percent of people said they're polar opposites, thirty five percent
of people said we agree sometimes, and fourteen percent said
no one even talks about it okay, which interesting but
baally a safe yes, safe option I think for Christmas.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
And then, of course, as always, we said to the community,
what is your two cents? First person said, as the
in quotes successful person in the family, I find it
awkward to discuss money, and my family don't want to
hear about it either.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
Self aware queen.
Speaker 3 (27:26):
Next somebody said, my boomer parents are slowly changing their
minds and seeing the impacts that these things will have
on the grandkids.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
Oh gorgeous.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
I do think it is a generational thing. I think
our generation is probably more open minded than the one
before them and before them. Yes, and so hopefully, like,
even if it is uncomfortable to have these conversations, having
them sometimes can really help to change the direction of
those thought patterns.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
Totally progress for the future.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Next, somebody said, if they risk the relationship by making jokes.
It's okay to risk the relationship defending yourself.
Speaker 2 (27:59):
Oh it's such a great point. Yeah, if you're someone
who doesn't like conflict, I really like that. Take.
Speaker 3 (28:05):
Somebody else said, I love my family, but this ViBe's
really hard. I try to bite my tongue and rotate
through talking to different relatives to help. Somebody else said,
my brother in law is a Trump supporter. We've agreed
to not discuss politics ever.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
Oh good, it would be really hard.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
Sitting And it is sometimes really hard sitting across from
somebody knowing that you disagree on something. Yeah, fundamentally, Yeah,
especially something like politics. Where as you know re said,
it can it flows into so many different things, Like
Trump is an example, Like I, personally, this is my opinion,
think he's a vile person. I don't agree with any
(28:43):
of the morals that he stands for. It would be
really hard if I was seeing across from you back
and you're like, oh my god, will Trump.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Like totally, because I'm almost saying a roundabout way and
this is like not only the Trump thing, but like
in other ways, like yes, if you really took away
everything you're kind of saying I think you're less than me,
or is something like that in some way? Like yeah,
and that is like if you know that you're sitting
across on someone who you think thinks said about you,
it's really uncomfortable and what do you do?
Speaker 5 (29:11):
Yeah, it is.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
It's so hard to think about.
Speaker 3 (29:13):
Yeah, somebody else said, a joke is only a joke
if everybody finds it funny and not hurtful.
Speaker 2 (29:18):
Yes, completely agree, which I could not agree more with.
Speaker 3 (29:21):
Someone else said, to be honest, I offered to be
on call this year to avoid big in law drama
at Christmas time.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
So keen to be at home clever, very clever.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
And then last, they want to finish off on this one,
which says if they weren't family and they were your
friends instead, would.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
You go that's your answer. That's a great point.
Speaker 3 (29:40):
Don't feel obliged. People feel obliged to do things at
this time of year, and you need to put yourself first.
And that's totally okay.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Yeah, completely agree. It's the one time of year where
you should be seeing the people that you love the most,
and that might be friends, that might be a partner,
that might be whoever. But if you're not very happy
seeing these people that you grew up with. That's okay
as well. Just do what makes you at the end
of the day all the time. I think it's a
really great place to leave it. I think you're totally right.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Thank you guys so much for spending the week with us,
Wishing you the happiest, merriest, most joyous Christmas ever. No
matter what you're doing or you're spending it with, whether
you celebrate or not, know that our whole team is
sending so much love to you and we're really excited
to hang out with you again on Monday for a
money diary.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Merry Christmas everyone, and if you're spending the day alone,
just know that we are here right here with you.
So have a gorgeous day and a very merry Christmas.
Bye everyone, Bye.
Speaker 5 (30:35):
The advice shared on She's on the Money is general
in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
She's on the.
Speaker 5 (30:42):
Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be
relied upon to make an investment or financial decision. If
you do choose to buy a financial product, read the
PDS TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards your
needs Victoria divine and she's on the money. Are authorized
represent gives of money, sirper P T Y L T
(31:02):
D A b N three two one six four nine
two seven seven zero eight a F s L four
five one two eight nine
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.