December 17, 2025 • 20 mins
This week, we share some 'embarrassing for no reasons', discuss the war on nose hair, mo hair and the most unhinged pube removal story that somehow ends with a Christmas twist. Monty tells us a saucy story about her mate 'Rob the Dentist' involving a horny girlfriend and a plaster cast, and Mel shares some controversial judgemental opinions. Enjoy!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hi, friends of the podcast. It's mal Monti today for
your podcast called Joan Tal La La La, La la la.
You look lovely in green? Oh? Thanks? Yeah, Green's my color,
green and red because I've got a green hat on today.
So when I've got my green Yankees hat, it brings
out the green of my eyes if you will, Yes,
(00:29):
it does. It does.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
That's why you'd like red too, because red will bring
out the green of your eyes more than greenly, because
they're complimentary colors opposite to each other on the color wheel.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Didn't know, Look at you. You're full of fun facts.
Is that your fact for today? No pick us off?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Did you know that the expiration date on water bottles
is not for the water, it's for the plastic bottle.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Ah, that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Yeah, So water is a stable substance. It doesn't go bad,
but the plastic container can start to break down, So
that expiration isn't that terrible. I think about that all
the time when you buy bottled water, and I'm thinking
that water was probably sitting in a factory somewhere hot,
like in hot conditions or something, that plastic is probably
starting to break down.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
There's so much sometimes I think I even think about
that with like we just go out and we eat
at restaurants and we buy food, like people are preparing
that and people are disgusting, Like even if there's so
many rules and regulations, but there's no one watching constantly.
So if John's cooking your fucking steak and scratches his
(01:35):
asshole or his nose, it's going on your steak. Can
you sit there and you're like, this is the birst
dagg I've ever had.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
I know, he goes and takes a piss hands.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
It's I think about everything, Like even when I get
like packet salad and stuff from cold I'm like, if
somebody's like, I don't know this has been touched by humans,
and I know I'm a clean human, but I'm still disgusting. Yeck,
but it's your own disgusting. It's my own disgusting. Yeah.
Do you feel like that's getting worse as you're getting older,
the thinking about that, Yeah? Probably, Yeah, mine is too.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Like going out for dinner, I'm like so weird with menus,
Like touching menus after I've touched a menu, especially you know,
sometimes they've got like a bit of a film on them,
or they've got a bit, and my menu.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Is laminated is nasty. You know what? Else?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
When they like, even if we're at the shops and
the kids go, can we get something to eat, I'm like,
we'll either get something on the way home or whatever.
Sitting at those tables and then you see the cleaners
come past with a fucking rag. God knows how that
rag has touched and they're just here, I'll clean it
for you, And I'm like, that's not cleaning it in
(02:43):
a food court. You're probably putting more germs on it.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
It's yeah, that stuff. Lasty courts are so gross. That
is an embarrassing for no reason. Is eating in a
food court, which we've done before, also an embarrassing for
no reason. The other day, it was after dinner and
Sam and I really felt like a sweety treat, Like
we have the sweetest tooth and once we get on
a roll of eating treats, we cannot break the cycles.
(03:08):
You have to go cold turkey on having after dinner sweets.
So I went across the road that about one hundred
meters down is a shop and I bought myself a
Magnum and Sam and Magnum and a block of chocolate
and I couldn't wait, and I ate the magnum on
the way home and I was passing people and I'm like,
this is so fucking embarrassing.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Oh just came down the street eating. I feel like,
live in like a holiday area, people would be doing.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
That all the time. I get it. I get it.
It's not rational. It's embarrassing for no reason. I just
was walking and I'm like, you have to have a
partner in crime when you're eating an ice cream, especially
down the street. I felt embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Really, yes, I've got another food related embarrassing for no reason. Actually, yeah,
because it happened to us not long ago. You know,
like when you're not organized and you go, oh, let's
try something for din, Like let's go to this place.
It looks busy, and you walk in and they haven't
got a table, and then you've got to do the walk.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Of the weak out as soon as you get there
and they say do you have a reservation? You know,
you're fucked, I know, and they're like, sorry, we haven't
got anything tonight. And you're and everyone's looking at you
and you're like okay, thanks, You're walking out and half
the time I'm like, well, fuck you. Then under my breath,
here's something else that's embarrassing. But for a reason. The
other day, I was sitting in the car and your
(04:26):
rearview mirror is such a bitch of a thing, like
it shows up everything on you. It's so hectic. And
I was sitting there and I'm like, I've got a
gray hair like a spidery leg hanging out of my nose.
And it was a gray one. So I got my
fingers to like tweezers and went to pluck it and
was missing it, like pulling on it a couple of times,
but not getting it out, not getting out anyway. Then
(04:48):
I got it out. I went and pissed my pants
at the same time because I sneezed from the hair,
the gray hair coming out of my nose in the car,
I had to get out and go and change my undies.
There were so many sensations going on at the one day.
It was an explosion of bodily stuff going on. A
(05:11):
pluck to a sneeze, to a pee. It was wild.
A few things.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Number one, you know you should never pluck your nose hairs.
Why because your nose hairs are there to filter bacteria.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
This was one gray one hanging right out of my nose.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
I know, I understand, but you're opening up a little
channel for bacteria to get in there, and the nose
is like the gateway.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
To the brain.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
I shut up, but no, no, no, But it's so
funny because I've got like a little running list of
loving and loathings. One of my loathings is that I
bought a nose hair treamer for myself.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
What did you?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Because I've started noticing it was just like it's just
like one of the chemists, like man care or something,
a thing that you shove up there and you just
sort of toil it around around because I've been noticing
again in the rear view mirror.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Nose hairs.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
It's not that I see the hair, it's that I
can see like a little bit of snot has clung
on to the hair. And I'm like, oh my god,
that's not my fear that I'm t me too, someone
I've got something in my nose. So now I'm like, no,
I have to get rid of the ones that are
all there that they can ab sail down the sil
down on the hair.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
I'm not intruded. Is that what you're loving is your device?
That was my loathing that I had to buy a
nose that you had to buy. Hey, the other week,
we were talking about my MO and how Arlo took
a photo of my face and then zoomed in and
cropped my mustache. And then on social media, I put up, hey,
what do you do for your MO? Should I do
(06:42):
the waxing from the just from the supermarket? A lot
of people wrote back saying do laser Chrissy Swan literally
sent me a ted Talk. She's like, here's my ted Talk.
She's got a full pot that she uses and she's
like it's amazing. Plus she's got these other things, like
sent them all to me. I to the supermarket. I
bought a twelve dollar pack of veat or veep or
(07:05):
whatever it's called. Yeapep beeps the show with beeps, the show,
Yes Beat. I put it on my lip, ripped it off,
which was terrifying, Like one of the scariest things I've
ever done. I was there for a couple of minutes.
Now I'm like, just pull it, besting best thing I've
ever bought. Did it one on one side, one on
(07:25):
the other, ripped it off. The hair's gone I'm shook.
I'm just so thrilled.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Facial hair has become the absolute fuck wit of my life.
Let me let me explain why those options don't work
for me. Laser is not an option because the hair
has like.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
No pigment in it. It's two lights, So forget that.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Waxing I can't do because I use vitamin A on
my face, like retinoic acid retinol.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Yes, well, you have to be very.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Careful waxing that because in some ways it's thins your skin.
So it's very easy to rip your skin off, right,
and especially I don't know if you're using prescription strength,
but I use prescription Strength, which is a bit more hardcore,
and I'm like, okay, so I don't want to rip
my skin off, so I can't do that. I've got
one of those little machines that fucking kill the tweezer things,
(08:21):
but it just it's like it grows.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I can't keep up with it.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I find is that I end up going into these
tunnels where I just sit there and pluck it and
it hurts, Oh my god, the bit especially up near
your know.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
The upper lip. I'm going to send you the lip.
Send them me because it's She's like, it's like the
old school epilady or whatever they were called. But she
said it doesn't hurt like those things used to kill. Remember,
they'd rip your hair out from the root. But she
was just going across her top lip in this video
showing me, and she's like, so, anyway, I'll send you
what it is. But I'm so thrilled with my just
(08:56):
cheap strips because I'll have to do it weekly for sure,
but i just love the feeling of like no hair
up there.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
That's the feeling and then you think, you think to yourself, fuck,
how much was there?
Speaker 1 (09:07):
I didn't realize it was. Yeah, well I know because
my son continually tells me. But anyway, I was so
happy with that. Speaking of plucking, my sister told me
her friend plucked every pube, every single pube. I'm like,
how long did she sit there for? Hang on?
Speaker 2 (09:25):
I would need more details about this. Are we talking
from bush to or are we talking a maintenance pluck?
Are we talking full bush?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Yeah? Full bush? The pain would be excruciating, but I'm like,
that's hours of work there. That's somebody who's just finished
high school and has got nothing to do with their time,
so they sit there and pluck the pubes.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
If we're talking a bush and you're talking about long pubes.
You know, the pain of what you were just saying
with your nose when you grab it and then you
don't quite pull it out. It runs along the hair
like the Christmas wrap, you know, with the scissors with
the ribbon twirl.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Yes, and it curls it even more. I'd be pissing
all over the place. She could.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
She could have been like, you know what, actually, don't
mind this curly look, don't you, and just give them.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Are how funny your presence when you did that. That's
so retro to get that old ribbon and then do
the scissors up there, bring it back and you go,
you need somebody ring? Can you just put your finger here?
Can you put your finger here? So then you could
tie it down tight enough.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
You know, there's a real thing at the moment of
people going back to the retro Christmas tree, which, by
the way, your Christmas tree no offense.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Oh your Christmas tree, isn't it wild? But it's But.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
You're probably more on trend because there is this thing
of going back to the fat tinsel and the colored
lights and all that stuff. Yes, wrapping our presence, that
old school metallic ribbon in ribbon curling, and then.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
If you're extra extra into it, you do like green
and then you put a red tie in and.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
You do the color compo. Oh my god, I just
used brown paper for all mine. Oh yeah, but that's
that's too modern. You got to go and find a
really clashing old school Christmas paper now.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
The balls on it. Yes, so funny. So I've got
this story. I had lunch with a mate the other day.
He went out for his wife's fiftieth. He listens to
the podcast. I think one of the only guys that listens.
I'm not going to say his name. I just said
that he wouldn't. But this woman came up that he
used to date, right right, and such a great chick.
(11:40):
But she was like horny as hell? Right what hold on?
Hold on? Do you mean as in like she was
horny looking or no, she just was ravenous for the dick,
like just constantly wanted to he was with her.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Sorry, so he she was talking to him, she was
horny as hell, And what's she saying?
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I'm as okay, So this is his ex girlfriend, right right?
So he knows her intimately, Yet he knows her very intimately.
They were together for quite a while and I also
know her as well, and he was like, she was
so such a hornball he couldn't satisfy her needs anyway.
She went overseas without him when on a holiday she
(12:23):
got a plaster cast made of his cock and took
it with him, like dildoed his own his penis. Isn't
that wild? So he got like Stucky's dick into clay
and made and then the mold was made, and then
they obviously filled the mold, and then she took his
(12:44):
penis away with her.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I don't know why they broke up, but she has
nailed the art of making a man feel needed and wanted,
which is what they all want or needed, because like
that's saying, your dick is so perfect, it's the best.
I don't want anything, nothing could compare. Yeah, I can't
(13:06):
live without it, So you says to do this. Is
there any big ego boost.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
For a guy. No, there is a plethora of dildos
out there and vibrators out there, Yet she wanted his
specific one, so he like, I just was intrigued.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Is that?
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Yeah? So I had to put my penis in like
a mold thing. I wanted more information, but we were
getting cut off on to ask. I know, I wish
we knew how to call people, like, we don't know how.
We've got to figure out if we can actually call
people on this. But I'm like, we could invite him
on and send a link to him and he could
chat to us. But I'm like, he probably wouldn't because
he's quite He is a guy about town, you know
(13:44):
what I mean?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
You know, well, one day you'll have to call him
and just hold your phone to the mic because I
can see he will have to call him.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
What are we going to you know what? I've already
made a name for him. What is it?
Speaker 2 (13:56):
He's Rob the dentist, Like remember the oral b Ads? This,
this is Rob. He's a dentist. He can't show his
face on TV. Nobody knows who he is. You never
see his face, but we hear his voice.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Okay, I'll call him and try and record it one time.
I have so many questions I'm gonna get so did
I Jane? I just was like, how does that work? Physically?
I'm like, you would have had to get a woody
and stick it into Clay would have gone into the
eye of his pain. No, it wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Nah, I was about to say something, do you reckon?
I should say something, really, I'll say and then I
can cut.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
It out after. For sure, there would have been like
FaceTime calls. I'm using it before FaceTime.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Well, all right, phone calls, I'm using you right now. Yeah,
she's she was either a real hornbag he does have
the perfect dick and end of story, or she's just
a very smart, strategic woman who did that and then
she's gone to sexy land afterwards and got herself ye,
big black cock and then gone and the holidays and gone.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
You've never been so satisfied anyway. I thought that was wild.
Save Yeah, I knew you'd love that. That's for you.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
I would think that would be like I don't have
an ex mark, was like my first proper boyfriend, right, Yes,
I would imagine if it was someone that you had
had a history with, you had sex all the time
or whatever, then you're seeing them out in the wild,
that you're looking at them you have, especially a relationship
(15:31):
like that was very sexual, Like there's no way you're
not looking at them and remembering things.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Having very lushbacks in your mind. No way, there is
no way you're not. Or even if you've kissed somebody
and you see them again, the first thing is I've
kissed you, like of course, that is what goes through
your mind. There's no triggered memories. Yeah, triggered memories, you
know what.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Seeing as we did some embarrassing for no reasons, I
thought the other day of remember, we used to do
judgmental opinions, things we judge people for.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
I thought of a few the other day.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Okay, I don't want anyone to get offended by these,
because I know a lot of people probably do these things.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
There's only three.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
But if you kiss your dog on the mouth, yuck,
or you sleep with your dog in the bed, I
judge you.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Yep, I'm saying, don't do it. You're a much better
pet owner than I am. But one of my best mates,
Cares who listens to this, sleeps with her dog, and
she said it's one of the most She just she's
so obsessed with her dog that the joy that it
brings the dog makes me envious because I'm like, oh
my god, you have so much love, and that dog
(16:34):
loves you back so much. But it sleeps in her bed,
and I'm like, your dog shits. It's like, it's disgusting.
It doesn't have pants on, so it's bun is on
the bed.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
What I want to know is in that case, you
can ask Kezy and repullback when her and her husband
want to have sex and the dogs in the bed,
what happens there?
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Do we go?
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Okay, rusty, Yeah, he's rusty, just watching the show.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
But also it wakes her up during the night and stuff.
It's like having a baby in your bed.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
I'm like, maybe that's in the opinion, but maybe that's
the nurturing sort.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
But the kissing on the mouth, when they hold the
snout and kiss on the mouth, like that dog's probably
licked other dogs, assholes. It's had that mouth in dog food. Yeah,
and sometimes they eat like if they vomit, they eat
their own vomit and they can eat other dogs. Shit.
It's disgusting.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
That's gross. That's just made me feel a bit nauseous. Actually, Okay,
this is very controversial, and I'm sorry, but okay, I
judge you. If you're a grown adult and you're obsessed
with Harry Potter, I don't understand why people are so
invested in those books and like a movie, Oh, you're
(17:52):
going to see Harry Potter, and I'm like, get a fucking.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Life, a Lord of the Rings, those kind of things.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Any of those whimsical kind of things like. But also
even like Twilight. I know Twilight was a really big thing,
but it's more I think it's more Harry Potter. And
I say this as someone who was obsessed with that book,
The Magic Far Away Tree by En.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
I loved that, Yeah, I got it was my like,
oh god, I loved it.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
I have such a strong association with that being a
kid at primary school, right, But something about being an
adult and being so invested in Harry Potter, I just
don't understand it.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
But also I feel like we were older when Harry
Potter came out, so now like people who love Harry
Potter now genuinely they're adults now, but they're younger at
all about people our age, Oh really, do you know
me more adults?
Speaker 2 (18:47):
There are people I see on social media who at
the time, like when you know, they came out with
all the new movies, like every few years or whatever,
there was a new movie. Oh don't wait for this
or whatever. Or and they started with their love of
Harry Potter, a post of this is the greatest book,
rereading the book and I'm like, I just don't get it.
(19:10):
There are so many books in the world.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Yeah, you don't need to reread. And also I'm the same,
I can't. I can't still read Harry Potter.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Yeah, I would never, I would never. And the third
one is I judge you. If you are at a
resort and there's a pool and you and your kids
take those big, giant inflatables into the pool.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Yeah, hogs so much room. That's selfish. It pisces me off.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
I feel like saying, get that giant fucking duck out
of here, because you're taking up too much space.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
You're taking up five hour space. I had it.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
And then they're all like laughing and taking selfies of
each other on there, and I'm like, get the fuck
out of here.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Yeah, having a really good time, which is people having
a good time because they're.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
I was about to say, they're photoing themselves. They're taking
photos of themselves while they're doing it, You're not really
having a good time.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
As a mum, find those things terribly scary because I
met yourvous at a kut le swim under it and
get stuck under there. So that's why I don't like them.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Me too, And it's just stop hogging the pool. It's
for everybody.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
It's not fair. Yeah, get your duck and fuck off.
All right, we're out of here. Everyone. Thank you so
much for joining us. As usual, we love it. Give
us a rating, give us a liking star wherever you
listen to us. It's so helpful, or share the podcast
with your friends if you enjoy it. Okay, we appreciate you.
Thank you now, love you
Hi, friends of the podcast. It's mal Monti today for
your podcast called Joan Tal La La La, La la la.
You look lovely in green? Oh? Thanks? Yeah, Green's my color,
green and red because I've got a green hat on today.
So when I've got my green Yankees hat, it brings
out the green of my eyes if you will, Yes,
(00:29):
it does. It does.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
That's why you'd like red too, because red will bring
out the green of your eyes more than greenly, because
they're complimentary colors opposite to each other on the color wheel.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
Didn't know, Look at you. You're full of fun facts.
Is that your fact for today? No pick us off?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Did you know that the expiration date on water bottles
is not for the water, it's for the plastic bottle.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Ah, that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Yeah, So water is a stable substance. It doesn't go bad,
but the plastic container can start to break down, So
that expiration isn't that terrible. I think about that all
the time when you buy bottled water, and I'm thinking
that water was probably sitting in a factory somewhere hot,
like in hot conditions or something, that plastic is probably
starting to break down.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
There's so much sometimes I think I even think about
that with like we just go out and we eat
at restaurants and we buy food, like people are preparing
that and people are disgusting, Like even if there's so
many rules and regulations, but there's no one watching constantly.
So if John's cooking your fucking steak and scratches his
(01:35):
asshole or his nose, it's going on your steak. Can
you sit there and you're like, this is the birst
dagg I've ever had.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
I know, he goes and takes a piss hands.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
It's I think about everything, Like even when I get
like packet salad and stuff from cold I'm like, if
somebody's like, I don't know this has been touched by humans,
and I know I'm a clean human, but I'm still disgusting. Yeck,
but it's your own disgusting. It's my own disgusting. Yeah.
Do you feel like that's getting worse as you're getting older,
the thinking about that, Yeah? Probably, Yeah, mine is too.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Like going out for dinner, I'm like so weird with menus,
Like touching menus after I've touched a menu, especially you know,
sometimes they've got like a bit of a film on them,
or they've got a bit, and my menu.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Is laminated is nasty. You know what? Else?
Speaker 2 (02:23):
When they like, even if we're at the shops and
the kids go, can we get something to eat, I'm like,
we'll either get something on the way home or whatever.
Sitting at those tables and then you see the cleaners
come past with a fucking rag. God knows how that
rag has touched and they're just here, I'll clean it
for you, And I'm like, that's not cleaning it in
(02:43):
a food court. You're probably putting more germs on it.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
It's yeah, that stuff. Lasty courts are so gross. That
is an embarrassing for no reason. Is eating in a
food court, which we've done before, also an embarrassing for
no reason. The other day, it was after dinner and
Sam and I really felt like a sweety treat, Like
we have the sweetest tooth and once we get on
a roll of eating treats, we cannot break the cycles.
(03:08):
You have to go cold turkey on having after dinner sweets.
So I went across the road that about one hundred
meters down is a shop and I bought myself a
Magnum and Sam and Magnum and a block of chocolate
and I couldn't wait, and I ate the magnum on
the way home and I was passing people and I'm like,
this is so fucking embarrassing.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Oh just came down the street eating. I feel like,
live in like a holiday area, people would be doing.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
That all the time. I get it. I get it.
It's not rational. It's embarrassing for no reason. I just
was walking and I'm like, you have to have a
partner in crime when you're eating an ice cream, especially
down the street. I felt embarrassed.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Really, yes, I've got another food related embarrassing for no reason. Actually, yeah,
because it happened to us not long ago. You know,
like when you're not organized and you go, oh, let's
try something for din, Like let's go to this place.
It looks busy, and you walk in and they haven't
got a table, and then you've got to do the walk.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Of the weak out as soon as you get there
and they say do you have a reservation? You know,
you're fucked, I know, and they're like, sorry, we haven't
got anything tonight. And you're and everyone's looking at you
and you're like okay, thanks, You're walking out and half
the time I'm like, well, fuck you. Then under my breath,
here's something else that's embarrassing. But for a reason. The
other day, I was sitting in the car and your
(04:26):
rearview mirror is such a bitch of a thing, like
it shows up everything on you. It's so hectic. And
I was sitting there and I'm like, I've got a
gray hair like a spidery leg hanging out of my nose.
And it was a gray one. So I got my
fingers to like tweezers and went to pluck it and
was missing it, like pulling on it a couple of times,
but not getting it out, not getting out anyway. Then
(04:48):
I got it out. I went and pissed my pants
at the same time because I sneezed from the hair,
the gray hair coming out of my nose in the car,
I had to get out and go and change my undies.
There were so many sensations going on at the one day.
It was an explosion of bodily stuff going on. A
(05:11):
pluck to a sneeze, to a pee. It was wild.
A few things.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Number one, you know you should never pluck your nose hairs.
Why because your nose hairs are there to filter bacteria.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
This was one gray one hanging right out of my nose.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
I know, I understand, but you're opening up a little
channel for bacteria to get in there, and the nose
is like the gateway.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
To the brain.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
I shut up, but no, no, no, But it's so
funny because I've got like a little running list of
loving and loathings. One of my loathings is that I
bought a nose hair treamer for myself.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
What did you?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
Because I've started noticing it was just like it's just
like one of the chemists, like man care or something,
a thing that you shove up there and you just
sort of toil it around around because I've been noticing
again in the rear view mirror.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Nose hairs.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
It's not that I see the hair, it's that I
can see like a little bit of snot has clung
on to the hair. And I'm like, oh my god,
that's not my fear that I'm t me too, someone
I've got something in my nose. So now I'm like, no,
I have to get rid of the ones that are
all there that they can ab sail down the sil
down on the hair.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
I'm not intruded. Is that what you're loving is your device?
That was my loathing that I had to buy a
nose that you had to buy. Hey, the other week,
we were talking about my MO and how Arlo took
a photo of my face and then zoomed in and
cropped my mustache. And then on social media, I put up, hey,
what do you do for your MO? Should I do
(06:42):
the waxing from the just from the supermarket? A lot
of people wrote back saying do laser Chrissy Swan literally
sent me a ted Talk. She's like, here's my ted Talk.
She's got a full pot that she uses and she's
like it's amazing. Plus she's got these other things, like
sent them all to me. I to the supermarket. I
bought a twelve dollar pack of veat or veep or
(07:05):
whatever it's called. Yeapep beeps the show with beeps, the show,
Yes Beat. I put it on my lip, ripped it off,
which was terrifying, Like one of the scariest things I've
ever done. I was there for a couple of minutes.
Now I'm like, just pull it, besting best thing I've
ever bought. Did it one on one side, one on
(07:25):
the other, ripped it off. The hair's gone I'm shook.
I'm just so thrilled.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Facial hair has become the absolute fuck wit of my life.
Let me let me explain why those options don't work
for me. Laser is not an option because the hair
has like.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
No pigment in it. It's two lights, So forget that.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
Waxing I can't do because I use vitamin A on
my face, like retinoic acid retinol.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Yes, well, you have to be very.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Careful waxing that because in some ways it's thins your skin.
So it's very easy to rip your skin off, right,
and especially I don't know if you're using prescription strength,
but I use prescription Strength, which is a bit more hardcore,
and I'm like, okay, so I don't want to rip
my skin off, so I can't do that. I've got
one of those little machines that fucking kill the tweezer things,
(08:21):
but it just it's like it grows.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
I can't keep up with it.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I find is that I end up going into these
tunnels where I just sit there and pluck it and
it hurts, Oh my god, the bit especially up near
your know.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
The upper lip. I'm going to send you the lip.
Send them me because it's She's like, it's like the
old school epilady or whatever they were called. But she
said it doesn't hurt like those things used to kill. Remember,
they'd rip your hair out from the root. But she
was just going across her top lip in this video
showing me, and she's like, so, anyway, I'll send you
what it is. But I'm so thrilled with my just
(08:56):
cheap strips because I'll have to do it weekly for sure,
but i just love the feeling of like no hair
up there.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
That's the feeling and then you think, you think to yourself, fuck,
how much was there?
Speaker 1 (09:07):
I didn't realize it was. Yeah, well I know because
my son continually tells me. But anyway, I was so
happy with that. Speaking of plucking, my sister told me
her friend plucked every pube, every single pube. I'm like,
how long did she sit there for? Hang on?
Speaker 2 (09:25):
I would need more details about this. Are we talking
from bush to or are we talking a maintenance pluck?
Are we talking full bush?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Yeah? Full bush? The pain would be excruciating, but I'm like,
that's hours of work there. That's somebody who's just finished
high school and has got nothing to do with their time,
so they sit there and pluck the pubes.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
If we're talking a bush and you're talking about long pubes.
You know, the pain of what you were just saying
with your nose when you grab it and then you
don't quite pull it out. It runs along the hair
like the Christmas wrap, you know, with the scissors with
the ribbon twirl.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Yes, and it curls it even more. I'd be pissing
all over the place. She could.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
She could have been like, you know what, actually, don't
mind this curly look, don't you, and just give them.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Are how funny your presence when you did that. That's
so retro to get that old ribbon and then do
the scissors up there, bring it back and you go,
you need somebody ring? Can you just put your finger here?
Can you put your finger here? So then you could
tie it down tight enough.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
You know, there's a real thing at the moment of
people going back to the retro Christmas tree, which, by
the way, your Christmas tree no offense.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Oh your Christmas tree, isn't it wild? But it's But.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
You're probably more on trend because there is this thing
of going back to the fat tinsel and the colored
lights and all that stuff. Yes, wrapping our presence, that
old school metallic ribbon in ribbon curling, and then.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
If you're extra extra into it, you do like green
and then you put a red tie in and.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
You do the color compo. Oh my god, I just
used brown paper for all mine. Oh yeah, but that's
that's too modern. You got to go and find a
really clashing old school Christmas paper now.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
The balls on it. Yes, so funny. So I've got
this story. I had lunch with a mate the other day.
He went out for his wife's fiftieth. He listens to
the podcast. I think one of the only guys that listens.
I'm not going to say his name. I just said
that he wouldn't. But this woman came up that he
used to date, right right, and such a great chick.
(11:40):
But she was like horny as hell? Right what hold on?
Hold on? Do you mean as in like she was
horny looking or no, she just was ravenous for the dick,
like just constantly wanted to he was with her.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Sorry, so he she was talking to him, she was
horny as hell, And what's she saying?
Speaker 1 (12:00):
I'm as okay, So this is his ex girlfriend, right right?
So he knows her intimately, Yet he knows her very intimately.
They were together for quite a while and I also
know her as well, and he was like, she was
so such a hornball he couldn't satisfy her needs anyway.
She went overseas without him when on a holiday she
(12:23):
got a plaster cast made of his cock and took
it with him, like dildoed his own his penis. Isn't
that wild? So he got like Stucky's dick into clay
and made and then the mold was made, and then
they obviously filled the mold, and then she took his
(12:44):
penis away with her.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
I don't know why they broke up, but she has
nailed the art of making a man feel needed and wanted,
which is what they all want or needed, because like
that's saying, your dick is so perfect, it's the best.
I don't want anything, nothing could compare. Yeah, I can't
(13:06):
live without it, So you says to do this. Is
there any big ego boost.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
For a guy. No, there is a plethora of dildos
out there and vibrators out there, Yet she wanted his
specific one, so he like, I just was intrigued.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
Is that?
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Yeah? So I had to put my penis in like
a mold thing. I wanted more information, but we were
getting cut off on to ask. I know, I wish
we knew how to call people, like, we don't know how.
We've got to figure out if we can actually call
people on this. But I'm like, we could invite him
on and send a link to him and he could
chat to us. But I'm like, he probably wouldn't because
he's quite He is a guy about town, you know
(13:44):
what I mean?
Speaker 2 (13:45):
You know, well, one day you'll have to call him
and just hold your phone to the mic because I
can see he will have to call him.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
What are we going to you know what? I've already
made a name for him. What is it?
Speaker 2 (13:56):
He's Rob the dentist, Like remember the oral b Ads? This,
this is Rob. He's a dentist. He can't show his
face on TV. Nobody knows who he is. You never
see his face, but we hear his voice.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Okay, I'll call him and try and record it one time.
I have so many questions I'm gonna get so did
I Jane? I just was like, how does that work? Physically?
I'm like, you would have had to get a woody
and stick it into Clay would have gone into the
eye of his pain. No, it wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Nah, I was about to say something, do you reckon?
I should say something, really, I'll say and then I
can cut.
Speaker 1 (14:30):
It out after. For sure, there would have been like
FaceTime calls. I'm using it before FaceTime.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
Well, all right, phone calls, I'm using you right now. Yeah,
she's she was either a real hornbag he does have
the perfect dick and end of story, or she's just
a very smart, strategic woman who did that and then
she's gone to sexy land afterwards and got herself ye,
big black cock and then gone and the holidays and gone.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
You've never been so satisfied anyway. I thought that was wild.
Save Yeah, I knew you'd love that. That's for you.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
I would think that would be like I don't have
an ex mark, was like my first proper boyfriend, right, Yes,
I would imagine if it was someone that you had
had a history with, you had sex all the time
or whatever, then you're seeing them out in the wild,
that you're looking at them you have, especially a relationship
(15:31):
like that was very sexual, Like there's no way you're
not looking at them and remembering things.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Having very lushbacks in your mind. No way, there is
no way you're not. Or even if you've kissed somebody
and you see them again, the first thing is I've
kissed you, like of course, that is what goes through
your mind. There's no triggered memories. Yeah, triggered memories, you
know what.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Seeing as we did some embarrassing for no reasons, I
thought the other day of remember, we used to do
judgmental opinions, things we judge people for.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
I thought of a few the other day.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
Okay, I don't want anyone to get offended by these,
because I know a lot of people probably do these things.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
There's only three.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
But if you kiss your dog on the mouth, yuck,
or you sleep with your dog in the bed, I
judge you.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Yep, I'm saying, don't do it. You're a much better
pet owner than I am. But one of my best mates,
Cares who listens to this, sleeps with her dog, and
she said it's one of the most She just she's
so obsessed with her dog that the joy that it
brings the dog makes me envious because I'm like, oh
my god, you have so much love, and that dog
(16:34):
loves you back so much. But it sleeps in her bed,
and I'm like, your dog shits. It's like, it's disgusting.
It doesn't have pants on, so it's bun is on
the bed.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
What I want to know is in that case, you
can ask Kezy and repullback when her and her husband
want to have sex and the dogs in the bed,
what happens there?
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Do we go?
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Okay, rusty, Yeah, he's rusty, just watching the show.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
But also it wakes her up during the night and stuff.
It's like having a baby in your bed.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
I'm like, maybe that's in the opinion, but maybe that's
the nurturing sort.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
But the kissing on the mouth, when they hold the
snout and kiss on the mouth, like that dog's probably
licked other dogs, assholes. It's had that mouth in dog food. Yeah,
and sometimes they eat like if they vomit, they eat
their own vomit and they can eat other dogs. Shit.
It's disgusting.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
That's gross. That's just made me feel a bit nauseous. Actually, Okay,
this is very controversial, and I'm sorry, but okay, I
judge you. If you're a grown adult and you're obsessed
with Harry Potter, I don't understand why people are so
invested in those books and like a movie, Oh, you're
(17:52):
going to see Harry Potter, and I'm like, get a fucking.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Life, a Lord of the Rings, those kind of things.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Any of those whimsical kind of things like. But also
even like Twilight. I know Twilight was a really big thing,
but it's more I think it's more Harry Potter. And
I say this as someone who was obsessed with that book,
The Magic Far Away Tree by En.
Speaker 1 (18:14):
I loved that, Yeah, I got it was my like,
oh god, I loved it.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
I have such a strong association with that being a
kid at primary school, right, But something about being an
adult and being so invested in Harry Potter, I just
don't understand it.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
But also I feel like we were older when Harry
Potter came out, so now like people who love Harry
Potter now genuinely they're adults now, but they're younger at
all about people our age, Oh really, do you know
me more adults?
Speaker 2 (18:47):
There are people I see on social media who at
the time, like when you know, they came out with
all the new movies, like every few years or whatever,
there was a new movie. Oh don't wait for this
or whatever. Or and they started with their love of
Harry Potter, a post of this is the greatest book,
rereading the book and I'm like, I just don't get it.
(19:10):
There are so many books in the world.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Yeah, you don't need to reread. And also I'm the same,
I can't. I can't still read Harry Potter.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
Yeah, I would never, I would never. And the third
one is I judge you. If you are at a
resort and there's a pool and you and your kids
take those big, giant inflatables into the pool.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Yeah, hogs so much room. That's selfish. It pisces me off.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
I feel like saying, get that giant fucking duck out
of here, because you're taking up too much space.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
You're taking up five hour space. I had it.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
And then they're all like laughing and taking selfies of
each other on there, and I'm like, get the fuck
out of here.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
Yeah, having a really good time, which is people having
a good time because they're.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
I was about to say, they're photoing themselves. They're taking
photos of themselves while they're doing it, You're not really
having a good time.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
As a mum, find those things terribly scary because I
met yourvous at a kut le swim under it and
get stuck under there. So that's why I don't like them.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
Me too, And it's just stop hogging the pool. It's
for everybody.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
It's not fair. Yeah, get your duck and fuck off.
All right, we're out of here. Everyone. Thank you so
much for joining us. As usual, we love it. Give
us a rating, give us a liking star wherever you
listen to us. It's so helpful, or share the podcast
with your friends if you enjoy it. Okay, we appreciate you.
Thank you now, love you
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