June 4, 2025 • 19 mins
This week, it's all about the joys of young love and the nightmare convo NO ONE wants to endure. There's also the illegal baby names that have us stumped, stuff that's irrationally annoying us, and Monty has a hilarious take on a nauseating social media trend. Enjoy!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hey, friends, it's podcast time. It's all wouldn't tell it's
Malam Montt Things with Jonas today a little If it
is Malan Monte, thanks for listening in hope you're wow
whatever you're up to?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Wait? My fact?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Your fact? Oh my god? Wait, I've decided that every
because Mail always has ridiculous fucking facts and stories in
her head. We start every podcast with the fact, and
I reckon half the time we forget Yes, what do
you got? Okay?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Do you know that it is impossible for you to
dream of a face that you've never seen before?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Ah?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
My daughter told me this and I was like, okay,
what you saw that on? You know, like some stupid clip?
I looked it up. It's even if it's the case
of you're looking through a friend's Facebook post and there's
a drive, her cousin or whatever, you can only dream
about someone who's face you have seen before.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
It's not fascinating. That's fascinating because I feel like the
dreams that I can remember there have been people in
it that I haven't known, but I must have subconsciously
seen them before.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Yeah, how's the heartache of having to listen to someone's
fuck my my son does it all the time. He
had a dream last night. He's like me, like, I
dream all the time, and I reckon at them. I'll
stop him, and I'm like, I don't. I'm sorry. I
don't want to hear it. I can't hear it.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
There is nothing more painful than somebody telling you about
their dream. The only thing that comes on part is
somebody making you sit through their holiday photos.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Oh my god, all renovations.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
This is when we knocked out the walls. I love
a reno. I mean, I'm all there for a reno.
Don't show me mid just show me before and after
a lot before.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Bro, But they want to tell you about and then
getting the plaster or it was really hard. We've got
a great guy to recommend if.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
You like, don't show me your plans. Cannot visualize house
plans when they're just on the draftsman's done. I cannot
look at your plans and visualize that, so do not
show me it. Yep, good friend, totally pretend we're interested
in my head. If only they could hear my internal thoughts.
How cutes is so? My ten year old's got a girlfriend? No,
(02:20):
you know what?
Speaker 2 (02:20):
This is unsurprising to me. This is unsurprising to me
with Arlow. All three of your kids are magnificent. I
have a very soft spot. He's my favorite.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
He's pretty funny.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
He's funny, and I can see him picking her a
flower and giving it to her and yeah, one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Yes, he's a real space get it, Arlo, Like before
I get into the girlfriend. So a while ago, on
the holidays, we're driving and I said to him, my
sister is going to take him to Movie World with
a friend. And I said, what friend do you want
to take? He's like, I want to take Bobby. I said, okay,
well I'll this is in the middle of the holidays.
(02:58):
I said, okay, I'll call Bobby's and he said that's
all right, I'll just ask him at school. And I said, oh,
but you won't see him in time. I'll just call
his mom. He said, no, no, I'll just ask him
at school. I said, alo, you're in the middle of
school holidays.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
You go am.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
I didn't even though he was on school.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Holdays, I mean, I get it, I get it.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I just really ran off the road. I was like,
are you joking me? You've been on school holidays literally
a week. You haven't been at school.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Fuck, that's funny, but I relate to it. I get it,
like how many times I take medication? And then I'm like,
did I just have my tablet?
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Yes? Well I have to have miney days of the
week or I never ever remember it ever. But anyway, Yeah,
so he's got this little girlfriend and he didn't tell
me for a while. One of the other mom said, oh,
so Ali's got a girlfriend. I'm like, no, eight, And
then one day he's like, Mum, I've got a girlfriend.
He said, it's a birthday. Can I get us some
Ferrero rochares?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Oh my god? Are ferrero his favorite? Does he love them?
Speaker 1 (04:00):
It was a ferrero O share, but I think still
to a kid, it's a fancy chocolate. Yeah it is.
Isn't that so cute? So anyway, we also had to
go to sports Girl and get her initial on a necklace,
but also his initial, and so she's wearing his and
he's wearing hers.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Do you know what it is about those little first
boyfriend and girlfriend. It's just that I.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Like you, Oh my god, I know, But also the
braveness of it, because they would have got teased. But
his best mate or one of his good mates has
also got a girlfriend, so the four of them are
kind of together. But I keep going, you know, how
is she? And he goes, I don't know. I'm like, well,
do you not even ask her how she is? I said,
how do you hang out? He said, well, before the
belt goes, we steal each other's hats. Oh god, it's so.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
It's so cute, and they probably sort of in their groups,
but like looking over each.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Those I so remember I used to have crushes on
boys all the time, but I wouldn't have had the
confidence to say, can we be boyfriend and girlfriend? But
there was this one guy, Nathan Stanley, who fucking loved
me like he loved me and his mum used to
wear I've told you used to work in the canteen,
and he'd go and steal me Fredo frogs. And I
just used to kind of string him along because I
always wanted the Fredo frogs.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
It's a tale as old as time.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Oh it's so good the freddo.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
How unsettling is it? Like I look at AlOH when
I think, oh, he's still a baby, he's still a baby.
I was his age when I had my first kiss.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Are you real? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
We've talked, yeah, tongue like it was on Camp Dick
Brenton Steel, my grade six boyfriend. I was in grade five,
he was in grade six.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
So you were Arlo's age. That's just so it's too young.
That's so unbelieved. I said to him, you know, do
you have you given her a kiss on the cheek?
He's like no, Like I can tell he's nowhere. They're
near there. He's still a very young ten year old. Like,
while having a girlfriend, he's already in a club. He's
also in a game called the Bumblebee Gang. So exactly
(06:07):
that is what I want. I'm like, I want you
to stay as innocent and as young as possible. But
he does have this girlfriend. Anyway, I said to him, so,
how's this other kid who goes to school? I saw
his mum and I said, you know, how's Billy. Do
you see Billy at school? And he goes, why And
I said, no reason, I just saw Billy's mom. I'm asking.
He goes, he's flirting with that. I'm not going to
(06:29):
say her name. He's flirting with Sally. And I said, really,
I mean Sally's allowed to have other boys that are
friends and She's like, no, who's really flirting with her?
And I don't like it at all? They of young
Love's so good. Anyway, you have a list, moving on
(06:49):
to something completely unconnected, of baby names that have been banned.
Every now and then this happens because somebody just stretches
it a little too far. Well, it comes out.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
I think.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
I think it's yearly maybe, But it's an official list
of names that are banned in Australia. Names you, there's
eighty nine names you aren't legally unable.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
To call your kyeah.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Right, So the names that are prohibited are names that
are obscene or offensive, include swear words, descriptions of violent
or sexual acts, racial or cultural slurs, alcohol or drug references,
or any words intended to insult or offend. Fair enough, fair,
there are a few that feel a bit harsh to
ban for me, So right, Australia is banned. I wouldn't
(07:36):
say my kidnap, but I mean that could be a
cute name. Like It's like when you think Aurelia is
a name.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
But is Aralia or a country? Now?
Speaker 2 (07:48):
But what does it matter if the kids called a country?
Speaker 3 (07:50):
I don't even get why it's weird that it's banned.
It is weird because you imagine calling your kid us
A hold on, aren't people called England and London?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
London?
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Definitely London, but that's a city.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
I guess you can call kids Victoria as well and Adelaide. Yeah,
but yes, the country. Yeah the line.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Okay, Duke, which I actually think is a cute name.
I know, Duke d uk E. Yeah, well, this is
the thing. The second then the third name that I
noticed was Justice.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Which I think he's people justice as well is.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Just is Justice. So I'm like, these must be more recent.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
They have to be because Duke is the same age
as Baxter, so he's thirteen, and.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Duke's a great name.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
It's an awesome name. It's definitely d uk and yes,
Justice is Pip's son, so it has to be newer.
Justice is a great name.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Too, yes, but I think so it's like, there seems
to be on this list a real general thing with titles,
So there's like Lieutenant, Lady General, Emperor, Pope, father, right,
so you know, obviously it's a very recent thing if
you're talking about a thirteen year old called Duke, but
(09:08):
that seems preposterous to me. Yeah, one of the names
on there is Ned Kelly. Does that mean that if
your surname's Kelly, you can't call you kid ned? Or
does it mean that the first name can't be so
it can't be like Ned Kelly, Diamond, like Julie?
Speaker 1 (09:27):
How are you not allowed that? Is it like his?
What is it called? When houses you can't knock down
the front of house? And heritage? Yeah, maybe it's a
heritage listed name.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Well, I don't know. He was a bad was he
a baddie?
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Well? Yeah, he was a bushrange stranger. Yeah, but also
like you wouldn't say you like you wanted to call
your son Ivan Malatt Like I know you wouldn't. But
is that illegal?
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Well, this is the strange thing that dickhead and shitthead
are on there, but fuckhead I'll beat this, fuck stick
and dumbcunt are not. Do not beat that, oh, because
you know some people have real issues with that word.
I love it, So they seem much more aggressive to me,
So like a shithead, And why would shithead and dickhead
(10:14):
even be on the list, And then those other names not?
Speaker 1 (10:17):
You know why they're on there because people have put
these forward. That's what's happened. I don't think that they've
actually gone are like out of all the heads, Okay,
those ones are gonna is. People have put it through.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
People have applied. Well, well, their niece is really concerning
because here are some of my personal favorites. Long head Commodore.
Oh wow, cyanide ah, I mean cy cyh for sure, Facebook,
G Bang not G Banger, just G Bang Bang, I
(10:50):
kia iMac, Jesus Christ made care.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Oh my, is this this for a real?
Speaker 2 (11:00):
This is for real? I saw it on multiple multiple sites. Wow, Natala,
Why can't you call the kid Natala? So is it
any brand? I don't know. It doesn't walk like Natala's
not offensive either, So I don't know how these guidelines work.
But Osama bin Laden and Adolf Hitler. Imagine you're at
(11:21):
the park with your kid and your kid's names Adolf Hitler,
and you're going Adolf Hitler, Adolf Hitler, come on, time
to go home, Adolf Hitler. Or if your kid said
Imaginallo said mum, can my friend Osama bin Laden, Comfort
and some other ones are Passport Ranger, RoboCop, Satan, Scrotum,
(11:44):
soccer Rouse and constable.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Wow, I reckon that has to be where people have
gone to put them through. I still think justice and
Juke is madness, so crazy, but I do think that
there is some form of protection that has to happen
for the kid. But I imagine gone a bit far.
But Ikea is like if you wanted to call your kid,
I Kia Kiki.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
That's cute, And imagine your name was RoboCop in the playground, or.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Just imagine it was just Natella Natella. That's well.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
I wonder if Natino the imo Natella.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Is there a Natino? I bet it doesn't taste anywhere
near as good.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
No, I don't know if it's a nut free version
or something, or the version woggier version.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I don't think Natino would be nut free, do you.
I don't reckon Here we go into something else completely
not related to the names. But I want to talk
about irrational things that really bother you. I think I've
mentioned this before, but last night a basic dinner, Alo
(12:54):
was having eggs on toast. I said, Sammy, can you
make the eggs just scrambled eggs on toast? So he
puts the eggs in the pot and he gets a whisk.
The way this man fucking whisks is so ridiculous. It
goes for about five minutes and it's so fucking hard
(13:14):
and aggressive that I literally griped my teeth and close
my eyes through it because I'm like, don't tell him off.
It's not tellof worthy, but in my head it's going
against it. It pains me how he whisks an.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Egg something about men and noises. Why are they so loud?
Speaker 1 (13:34):
They're so loud like the I mean, it goes without
saying all of us get annoyed with how they chew,
the way he chooses so aggressive, and it's so it's
like he's got a mind. I'm like, it looks like
you've got a microphone in your mouth, Like it's so loud.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
But it's also like Mark, yawn's really loud. Oh it's late,
like it could be eleven thirty. I'm down here working.
He's like in the there's like every time I say
this sounds like I live in a marchion, but I don't.
But it's the house is across three levels, right, so
I'm at the bottom, he's in the middle. The kids
are asleep at the top, right, Like he yawns, but
(14:10):
he has to yawn and go the kids are sleeping.
Every time he's just say can you record him? I'm
going to record next time he whisks, I'm going to
get my phone and I'm going to record it because
you'll see how annoying it is. It's like he gets
scrapes every part of the pan. Oh, it's so fucked up.
(14:37):
Mark's heavy on his feet. And when he's walking around
the house in slippers, which I would never wear.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Really would you never wear a slipper?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Always barefoot, which he can't can't.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
I can never. I will have my re what do
they call, like birkenstocks on, or my slippers on. I
cannot walk a barefoot on a tile.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
I never have shoes on in the house. It doesn't
matter if it's the epths of winter. My feet are
always really Yeah, but the sound of the slippers kill me.
The sound of thongs, pop, sound of thongs.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Yeah. See Sam, when he's footless, he's got a flat
foot and so on the tiles, it's like it's like
they're gripping each time he lives.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Oh my god. And it's like the noises, Like I've
said this before, but with the ice cream at night,
we put our loads on a plastic.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Goes into tap of air. Every night. We put it
in tap ofwir because you try. I'm like, it's empty, mate,
it's empty. Like it drives me crackers.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
I said, I'd rather you stick your tongue in there
and lick it out, Like, yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Sound doing that. When you're a kid, you lick the
whole bowl out.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
I still lick something if I really, like, do you really?
I mean not in public, but if.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
I would, that's weird.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Leak knives y, I'd lock a knife, dare devil live
on the I wouldn't lick a play.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
That's so ridiculous. Okay, something else that's a rational that
annoys me. Tell me's on Instagram when people go like,
they'll put up a video and they'll go. She didn't
know this yet, but in ten years she will have
two kids when she thought she would have none. She
has found the man of her dreams. Oh, I cannot.
(16:24):
It's a very gwenous Paltrow thing to do. She saw it.
She did it the other day and I was like, fuck,
I hate when people do that.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
I mean the idea. I think the original idea is
probably spawned by trying to make people think hang in
there it'll get better, yeah, or whatever.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Because you don't know what your future. Of course, the
sentiment's great, the actual practicality of it and reading it
is so nauseating.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Because now it's just narcissistic.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Now sarcissistic.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Look at my life, Look at what I've achieved. Yeah,
it is what it is. But this would be me
fifteen years ago. She doesn't know it yet, but she'll
lose her job because she falls pregnant. She'll give birth
to three neurodivergent children. Her mum will die of cancer
in front of her eyes. She will spiral into a depression.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
I should put that on install.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
I don't know what. That's a fucking great idea, if
we should do one each. She didn't know it yet,
but she was going to completely spiral out of control.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
She was going to get anxiety and depression and go
through six lots of medication before she had to move
to a full mood stabilizer.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
She was going to hate her life in ways she
never imagined.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
She's going to sit in the downstairs level for days
on end and become a vampire. I fucking love it.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
That is a brilliant idea.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
That is so funny. Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
I am also like that with people saying stuff like
I'm not crying, you're crying. Yeah, you know, it's like
someone cutting onions in here, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Like denying them. Yeah, I'm not crying, you're crying. I know.
It's so well, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
You know what I've got on my list. That is
such a silly thing that I don't even know if
people do anymore. Remember when you'd walk into a shop
like Maya or whatever, the people with the perfumes.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Oh, the perfume samplers.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Are they still around? I fucking hate that.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
I can't tell you how long it is since I've
been into a place like that. I don't even know
the last time I went into a shop, let into
a department store, but it used to give me a
headache as a kid walking through. They'd just be spraying
them in there, you know, their black and white uniforms.
I vividly remember, though. I saw an actor from Home
and Away do it once and I was very young,
(18:45):
and it made me sad because I'm like, they clearly
weren't didn't have jobs anymore, so they were a perfume sampler.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Such a front facing.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Oh it was so it just confronted me and I
was very young.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Little did they know that they'd go from an acting
career to a perfume spoil that funny.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Alright, well let's get out of here. Mal. Thank you
so much for listening. Hit us up with anything that
irrationally annoys you, because they're bloody funny. Because the stuff
that annoys us all is so ridiculous that you have
to keep half of them in. But this is the
forum that you can let it out. Shaw and Tel
Podcasts is where you can find us. We have a
Patreon where we do a little episode every two weeks
(19:29):
for those guys, I think it starts about five months.
Five bucks a month for a membership just helps with
the running of the podcast. Give us a rating or
a comment wherever you listen to your podcast and we'll
touch you soon.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Love you.
Hey, friends, it's podcast time. It's all wouldn't tell it's
Malam Montt Things with Jonas today a little If it
is Malan Monte, thanks for listening in hope you're wow
whatever you're up to?
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Wait? My fact?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Your fact? Oh my god? Wait, I've decided that every
because Mail always has ridiculous fucking facts and stories in
her head. We start every podcast with the fact, and
I reckon half the time we forget Yes, what do
you got? Okay?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Do you know that it is impossible for you to
dream of a face that you've never seen before?
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Ah?
Speaker 2 (00:48):
My daughter told me this and I was like, okay,
what you saw that on? You know, like some stupid clip?
I looked it up. It's even if it's the case
of you're looking through a friend's Facebook post and there's
a drive, her cousin or whatever, you can only dream
about someone who's face you have seen before.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
It's not fascinating. That's fascinating because I feel like the
dreams that I can remember there have been people in
it that I haven't known, but I must have subconsciously
seen them before.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Yeah, how's the heartache of having to listen to someone's
fuck my my son does it all the time. He
had a dream last night. He's like me, like, I
dream all the time, and I reckon at them. I'll
stop him, and I'm like, I don't. I'm sorry. I
don't want to hear it. I can't hear it.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
There is nothing more painful than somebody telling you about
their dream. The only thing that comes on part is
somebody making you sit through their holiday photos.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Oh my god, all renovations.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
This is when we knocked out the walls. I love
a reno. I mean, I'm all there for a reno.
Don't show me mid just show me before and after
a lot before.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Bro, But they want to tell you about and then
getting the plaster or it was really hard. We've got
a great guy to recommend if.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
You like, don't show me your plans. Cannot visualize house
plans when they're just on the draftsman's done. I cannot
look at your plans and visualize that, so do not
show me it. Yep, good friend, totally pretend we're interested
in my head. If only they could hear my internal thoughts.
How cutes is so? My ten year old's got a girlfriend? No,
(02:20):
you know what?
Speaker 2 (02:20):
This is unsurprising to me. This is unsurprising to me
with Arlow. All three of your kids are magnificent. I
have a very soft spot. He's my favorite.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
He's pretty funny.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
He's funny, and I can see him picking her a
flower and giving it to her and yeah, one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Yes, he's a real space get it, Arlo, Like before
I get into the girlfriend. So a while ago, on
the holidays, we're driving and I said to him, my
sister is going to take him to Movie World with
a friend. And I said, what friend do you want
to take? He's like, I want to take Bobby. I said, okay,
well I'll this is in the middle of the holidays.
(02:58):
I said, okay, I'll call Bobby's and he said that's
all right, I'll just ask him at school. And I said, oh,
but you won't see him in time. I'll just call
his mom. He said, no, no, I'll just ask him
at school. I said, alo, you're in the middle of
school holidays.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
You go am.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
I didn't even though he was on school.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Holdays, I mean, I get it, I get it.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I just really ran off the road. I was like,
are you joking me? You've been on school holidays literally
a week. You haven't been at school.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Fuck, that's funny, but I relate to it. I get it,
like how many times I take medication? And then I'm like,
did I just have my tablet?
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Yes? Well I have to have miney days of the
week or I never ever remember it ever. But anyway, Yeah,
so he's got this little girlfriend and he didn't tell
me for a while. One of the other mom said, oh,
so Ali's got a girlfriend. I'm like, no, eight, And
then one day he's like, Mum, I've got a girlfriend.
He said, it's a birthday. Can I get us some
Ferrero rochares?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Oh my god? Are ferrero his favorite? Does he love them?
Speaker 1 (04:00):
It was a ferrero O share, but I think still
to a kid, it's a fancy chocolate. Yeah it is.
Isn't that so cute? So anyway, we also had to
go to sports Girl and get her initial on a necklace,
but also his initial, and so she's wearing his and
he's wearing hers.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
Do you know what it is about those little first
boyfriend and girlfriend. It's just that I.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Like you, Oh my god, I know, But also the
braveness of it, because they would have got teased. But
his best mate or one of his good mates has
also got a girlfriend, so the four of them are
kind of together. But I keep going, you know, how
is she? And he goes, I don't know. I'm like, well,
do you not even ask her how she is? I said,
how do you hang out? He said, well, before the
belt goes, we steal each other's hats. Oh god, it's so.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
It's so cute, and they probably sort of in their groups,
but like looking over each.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Those I so remember I used to have crushes on
boys all the time, but I wouldn't have had the
confidence to say, can we be boyfriend and girlfriend? But
there was this one guy, Nathan Stanley, who fucking loved
me like he loved me and his mum used to
wear I've told you used to work in the canteen,
and he'd go and steal me Fredo frogs. And I
just used to kind of string him along because I
always wanted the Fredo frogs.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
It's a tale as old as time.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
Oh it's so good the freddo.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
How unsettling is it? Like I look at AlOH when
I think, oh, he's still a baby, he's still a baby.
I was his age when I had my first kiss.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Are you real? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:36):
We've talked, yeah, tongue like it was on Camp Dick
Brenton Steel, my grade six boyfriend. I was in grade five,
he was in grade six.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
So you were Arlo's age. That's just so it's too young.
That's so unbelieved. I said to him, you know, do
you have you given her a kiss on the cheek?
He's like no, Like I can tell he's nowhere. They're
near there. He's still a very young ten year old. Like,
while having a girlfriend, he's already in a club. He's
also in a game called the Bumblebee Gang. So exactly
(06:07):
that is what I want. I'm like, I want you
to stay as innocent and as young as possible. But
he does have this girlfriend. Anyway, I said to him, so,
how's this other kid who goes to school? I saw
his mum and I said, you know, how's Billy. Do
you see Billy at school? And he goes, why And
I said, no reason, I just saw Billy's mom. I'm asking.
He goes, he's flirting with that. I'm not going to
(06:29):
say her name. He's flirting with Sally. And I said, really,
I mean Sally's allowed to have other boys that are
friends and She's like, no, who's really flirting with her?
And I don't like it at all? They of young
Love's so good. Anyway, you have a list, moving on
(06:49):
to something completely unconnected, of baby names that have been banned.
Every now and then this happens because somebody just stretches
it a little too far. Well, it comes out.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
I think.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
I think it's yearly maybe, But it's an official list
of names that are banned in Australia. Names you, there's
eighty nine names you aren't legally unable.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
To call your kyeah.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Right, So the names that are prohibited are names that
are obscene or offensive, include swear words, descriptions of violent
or sexual acts, racial or cultural slurs, alcohol or drug references,
or any words intended to insult or offend. Fair enough, fair,
there are a few that feel a bit harsh to
ban for me, So right, Australia is banned. I wouldn't
(07:36):
say my kidnap, but I mean that could be a
cute name. Like It's like when you think Aurelia is
a name.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
But is Aralia or a country? Now?
Speaker 2 (07:48):
But what does it matter if the kids called a country?
Speaker 3 (07:50):
I don't even get why it's weird that it's banned.
It is weird because you imagine calling your kid us
A hold on, aren't people called England and London?
Speaker 1 (08:03):
London?
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Definitely London, but that's a city.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
I guess you can call kids Victoria as well and Adelaide. Yeah,
but yes, the country. Yeah the line.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Okay, Duke, which I actually think is a cute name.
I know, Duke d uk E. Yeah, well, this is
the thing. The second then the third name that I
noticed was Justice.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Which I think he's people justice as well is.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Just is Justice. So I'm like, these must be more recent.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
They have to be because Duke is the same age
as Baxter, so he's thirteen, and.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Duke's a great name.
Speaker 1 (08:39):
It's an awesome name. It's definitely d uk and yes,
Justice is Pip's son, so it has to be newer.
Justice is a great name.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Too, yes, but I think so it's like, there seems
to be on this list a real general thing with titles,
So there's like Lieutenant, Lady General, Emperor, Pope, father, right,
so you know, obviously it's a very recent thing if
you're talking about a thirteen year old called Duke, but
(09:08):
that seems preposterous to me. Yeah, one of the names
on there is Ned Kelly. Does that mean that if
your surname's Kelly, you can't call you kid ned? Or
does it mean that the first name can't be so
it can't be like Ned Kelly, Diamond, like Julie?
Speaker 1 (09:27):
How are you not allowed that? Is it like his?
What is it called? When houses you can't knock down
the front of house? And heritage? Yeah, maybe it's a
heritage listed name.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Well, I don't know. He was a bad was he
a baddie?
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Well? Yeah, he was a bushrange stranger. Yeah, but also
like you wouldn't say you like you wanted to call
your son Ivan Malatt Like I know you wouldn't. But
is that illegal?
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Well, this is the strange thing that dickhead and shitthead
are on there, but fuckhead I'll beat this, fuck stick
and dumbcunt are not. Do not beat that, oh, because
you know some people have real issues with that word.
I love it, So they seem much more aggressive to me,
So like a shithead, And why would shithead and dickhead
(10:14):
even be on the list, And then those other names not?
Speaker 1 (10:17):
You know why they're on there because people have put
these forward. That's what's happened. I don't think that they've
actually gone are like out of all the heads, Okay,
those ones are gonna is. People have put it through.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
People have applied. Well, well, their niece is really concerning
because here are some of my personal favorites. Long head Commodore.
Oh wow, cyanide ah, I mean cy cyh for sure, Facebook,
G Bang not G Banger, just G Bang Bang, I
(10:50):
kia iMac, Jesus Christ made care.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Oh my, is this this for a real?
Speaker 2 (11:00):
This is for real? I saw it on multiple multiple sites. Wow, Natala,
Why can't you call the kid Natala? So is it
any brand? I don't know. It doesn't walk like Natala's
not offensive either, So I don't know how these guidelines work.
But Osama bin Laden and Adolf Hitler. Imagine you're at
(11:21):
the park with your kid and your kid's names Adolf Hitler,
and you're going Adolf Hitler, Adolf Hitler, come on, time
to go home, Adolf Hitler. Or if your kid said
Imaginallo said mum, can my friend Osama bin Laden, Comfort
and some other ones are Passport Ranger, RoboCop, Satan, Scrotum,
(11:44):
soccer Rouse and constable.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
Wow, I reckon that has to be where people have
gone to put them through. I still think justice and
Juke is madness, so crazy, but I do think that
there is some form of protection that has to happen
for the kid. But I imagine gone a bit far.
But Ikea is like if you wanted to call your kid,
I Kia Kiki.
Speaker 2 (12:08):
That's cute, And imagine your name was RoboCop in the playground, or.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Just imagine it was just Natella Natella. That's well.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
I wonder if Natino the imo Natella.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Is there a Natino? I bet it doesn't taste anywhere
near as good.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
No, I don't know if it's a nut free version
or something, or the version woggier version.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I don't think Natino would be nut free, do you.
I don't reckon Here we go into something else completely
not related to the names. But I want to talk
about irrational things that really bother you. I think I've
mentioned this before, but last night a basic dinner, Alo
(12:54):
was having eggs on toast. I said, Sammy, can you
make the eggs just scrambled eggs on toast? So he
puts the eggs in the pot and he gets a whisk.
The way this man fucking whisks is so ridiculous. It
goes for about five minutes and it's so fucking hard
(13:14):
and aggressive that I literally griped my teeth and close
my eyes through it because I'm like, don't tell him off.
It's not tellof worthy, but in my head it's going
against it. It pains me how he whisks an.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Egg something about men and noises. Why are they so loud?
Speaker 1 (13:34):
They're so loud like the I mean, it goes without
saying all of us get annoyed with how they chew,
the way he chooses so aggressive, and it's so it's
like he's got a mind. I'm like, it looks like
you've got a microphone in your mouth, Like it's so loud.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
But it's also like Mark, yawn's really loud. Oh it's late,
like it could be eleven thirty. I'm down here working.
He's like in the there's like every time I say
this sounds like I live in a marchion, but I don't.
But it's the house is across three levels, right, so
I'm at the bottom, he's in the middle. The kids
are asleep at the top, right, Like he yawns, but
(14:10):
he has to yawn and go the kids are sleeping.
Every time he's just say can you record him? I'm
going to record next time he whisks, I'm going to
get my phone and I'm going to record it because
you'll see how annoying it is. It's like he gets
scrapes every part of the pan. Oh, it's so fucked up.
(14:37):
Mark's heavy on his feet. And when he's walking around
the house in slippers, which I would never wear.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Really would you never wear a slipper?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Always barefoot, which he can't can't.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
I can never. I will have my re what do
they call, like birkenstocks on, or my slippers on. I
cannot walk a barefoot on a tile.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
I never have shoes on in the house. It doesn't
matter if it's the epths of winter. My feet are
always really Yeah, but the sound of the slippers kill me.
The sound of thongs, pop, sound of thongs.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Yeah. See Sam, when he's footless, he's got a flat
foot and so on the tiles, it's like it's like
they're gripping each time he lives.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Oh my god. And it's like the noises, Like I've
said this before, but with the ice cream at night,
we put our loads on a plastic.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Goes into tap of air. Every night. We put it
in tap ofwir because you try. I'm like, it's empty, mate,
it's empty. Like it drives me crackers.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
I said, I'd rather you stick your tongue in there
and lick it out, Like, yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Sound doing that. When you're a kid, you lick the
whole bowl out.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
I still lick something if I really, like, do you really?
I mean not in public, but if.
Speaker 1 (15:53):
I would, that's weird.
Speaker 2 (15:55):
Leak knives y, I'd lock a knife, dare devil live
on the I wouldn't lick a play.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
That's so ridiculous. Okay, something else that's a rational that
annoys me. Tell me's on Instagram when people go like,
they'll put up a video and they'll go. She didn't
know this yet, but in ten years she will have
two kids when she thought she would have none. She
has found the man of her dreams. Oh, I cannot.
(16:24):
It's a very gwenous Paltrow thing to do. She saw it.
She did it the other day and I was like, fuck,
I hate when people do that.
Speaker 2 (16:31):
I mean the idea. I think the original idea is
probably spawned by trying to make people think hang in
there it'll get better, yeah, or whatever.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
Because you don't know what your future. Of course, the
sentiment's great, the actual practicality of it and reading it
is so nauseating.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Because now it's just narcissistic.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Now sarcissistic.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Look at my life, Look at what I've achieved. Yeah,
it is what it is. But this would be me
fifteen years ago. She doesn't know it yet, but she'll
lose her job because she falls pregnant. She'll give birth
to three neurodivergent children. Her mum will die of cancer
in front of her eyes. She will spiral into a depression.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
I should put that on install.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
I don't know what. That's a fucking great idea, if
we should do one each. She didn't know it yet,
but she was going to completely spiral out of control.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
She was going to get anxiety and depression and go
through six lots of medication before she had to move
to a full mood stabilizer.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
She was going to hate her life in ways she
never imagined.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
She's going to sit in the downstairs level for days
on end and become a vampire. I fucking love it.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
That is a brilliant idea.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
That is so funny. Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
I am also like that with people saying stuff like
I'm not crying, you're crying. Yeah, you know, it's like
someone cutting onions in here, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Like denying them. Yeah, I'm not crying, you're crying. I know.
It's so well, yeah.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
You know what I've got on my list. That is
such a silly thing that I don't even know if
people do anymore. Remember when you'd walk into a shop
like Maya or whatever, the people with the perfumes.
Speaker 1 (18:19):
Oh, the perfume samplers.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Are they still around? I fucking hate that.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
I can't tell you how long it is since I've
been into a place like that. I don't even know
the last time I went into a shop, let into
a department store, but it used to give me a
headache as a kid walking through. They'd just be spraying
them in there, you know, their black and white uniforms.
I vividly remember, though. I saw an actor from Home
and Away do it once and I was very young,
(18:45):
and it made me sad because I'm like, they clearly
weren't didn't have jobs anymore, so they were a perfume sampler.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Such a front facing.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Oh it was so it just confronted me and I
was very young.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
Little did they know that they'd go from an acting
career to a perfume spoil that funny.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Alright, well let's get out of here. Mal. Thank you
so much for listening. Hit us up with anything that
irrationally annoys you, because they're bloody funny. Because the stuff
that annoys us all is so ridiculous that you have
to keep half of them in. But this is the
forum that you can let it out. Shaw and Tel
Podcasts is where you can find us. We have a
Patreon where we do a little episode every two weeks
(19:29):
for those guys, I think it starts about five months.
Five bucks a month for a membership just helps with
the running of the podcast. Give us a rating or
a comment wherever you listen to your podcast and we'll
touch you soon.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
Love you.
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