August 6, 2025 • 31 mins
TRIGGER WARNING: This episode contains themes of suicide.
This week, Monty has started a new side project, and she wants you to get on board! She fills us in on the Netflix show she loved hard, and the actresses she loved even harder. We also chat about the freedom of loving your body, shitty mental health, and two very different stories about death that left us both crying like babies. Enjoy.
Check out Monty's substack and give her a follow here.
Read more from the brilliant writer Hayley Grace on Insta here.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Friends of the podcast is Mail a monthy We love you, sexy.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Cats Me, Oh how are you?
Speaker 1 (00:18):
You're?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Oh great? New, not bad, not bad. It's so nice
to see your face. I haven't seen your face.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
We haven't seen each other because we recorded a few
and then I went into hospital for my fucking migraines.
I've had such a bad run with my health. And
I'll do an update on the Iconic podcast, which I might.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Be able to do with Brookie.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
But if you do listen to that podcast, it's all
about chronic health, so you know, we've both got a
bit going on, so I'll update you over there, so
if you're not that interested in chronic health stuff on
this podcast. But anyway, I've had a bad run and
so we've had to we haven't really seen each other
that much, so it's so nice to see your face.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
I know.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Anyway, since we last chattered, I've started something and you
didn't really know what it was, but it's called a
sub stack.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yes, tell me, so remember years and years ago.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
I mean it's not that long ago that you don't
have to go, oh yeah, back in the day, but
blogs were huge. So we started Show and Tell as
essentially a blog. It was a website where we'd get
on and we'd blog essentially. It wasn't really a personal blog,
but whatever we would think about, we'd get on there
and write about.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
But lots of people would have personal blogs.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Yes anyway, So it was just this huge thing that
people would have these personal blogs. And then it kind
of went more into podcasts. People just dropped off doing
stuff like that, and yet people consume differently, stopped reading anyway.
Substack is like the house for blog now. Apparently it's
(02:01):
been around for years, but of course I've only just
found out about it, but like me and Friedman for example,
has had one for three years, yes, and it's just
a personal blog essentially, and I'm like, I'm going to
do this, and I've I've written I think three or
four pieces. It's so because I miss writing, like we
(02:22):
used to write for Chantel all the time, and I
just have streams of consciousness that I'm like, I just
want to write about this. So the first one I
wrote about was how this feels like a diary entry,
and it reminded me of like when I got a
dinky diary, Remember dinky diaries and how amazing they were,
(02:42):
And I got one for my ninth birthday, and it
reminded me how I got this cat that I fucking
hated for my ninth birthday. So that was one bit.
The next bit I wrote about was chronic health and
how I'm in a pit of fucking health and basically
depression at the moment. And then this morning I wrote
about how my son just lives off chicken nuggets and
(03:06):
how once this pediatrician was just like saying to him, stop,
be still, stop bouncing around, and he's neophobic, meaning he's
afraid of trying new things, and I was like, you
misdiagnose my son, like he's not afraid to hate.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Theatrician that was challenged him to sit down, and yes.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
So this was Alo, my now eleven year old, And
I like, for anyone who's got neurodivergent kids, food's a
real thing, like getting them to eat different foods. They
get really comfortable with certain foods. The texture, the taste,
the predictability of it, even the crunch of food can
be really regulating. Right, But as a mom, I hate
(03:50):
what I have to feed them. Like my four year old,
all he wants is nuggies and he won't have chicken nuggets.
They have to be nuggets, Like, you're fucking idiot, they're
all chicken nuggets, but you just have to say. Anyway, AlOH,
who is now eleven, when he was about five, would
have the same dinner every night and still pretty much does.
And I was like, oh my god, this is I
(04:12):
didn't know he was neurodiversion at the time. I'm like,
this is not good for this little kid, like he's
not getting anything into his body. And I sat him
down one night and said, you eat that, and that
is all you're getting because that's what people tell you, you know, No,
I cook one meal from my whole family. That's it.
And he sat down and he was so uncomfortable. He's like,
can I have a drink of water? Like I could
(04:33):
see the tears in his eyes, like he was really
trying to eat this meal I'd put in front of him,
but he couldn't. So I took him to a pediatrician
and he was bouncing off the walls like he was
playing with the toys, bouncing around.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I'm trying to.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Talk to her and she's like, look, he's neophobic. He's
afraid of trying different things. That's what neophobic is and
he will grow out of it in adolescence. And I
was like, Okay, that's good. And thenlater on we get
a neurodivergence, you know, like diagnosis, and I was like,
that fucking bitch telling my little boy who's clearly ADHD
(05:12):
five years old to stop bouncing around has clearly food issues,
which is very linked with neurodivergence, you know, when you
just look back and I'm like, oh, we could have
caught that when you were five. Yeah, Which it's like,
I don't you know, when people say early intervention, it's
not changing them. It's not going, oh, we're going to
(05:32):
fix you with the early intervention. But having early intervention
makes life easier. It just course it does.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
And the reality is that you can survive on chicken
nuggets for the rest of your life, but at some
point you're going to want to add something else in there.
So how do we make it less traumatic for them
to get it in?
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Exactly, Yeah, that's it. It's like teachers, like there's so
many that are still there hanging on to that job
where they shouldn't be.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Oh my god, where they don't know a single thing about,
you know, different brains how different brains work. He's just
a naughty boy and this and that drives me mad.
But yeah, so I wrote a piece about how it
kills me to give Otis nuggets, but I also know
the kid's not going to die.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Like backs to my.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Thirteen year olds are much better eater because you do.
You get more confidence when you're older and you're like, oh,
I'll try that. That tastes good. I'll eat that now.
But the younger too, you know, they're shocking eaters. And
so I wrote about that. So this anyway, the substack
is literally just streams of consciousness. They're not long pieces
kind of whatever's on my mind. So you have to
(06:37):
subscribe to it because I have no no one following.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
So I'm like, I need.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Like this desperado, all of you to go onto substack.
It's Monty Diamond, dm O and d hang on.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
It's just substack dot com. Like it's just so okay.
And then you just there's a search panel there.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Yeah, there's a search panel you know what, will pop
it in the show notes and you go and you
just subscribe and then anytime I write it sends you
an email. But I'm like, oh, I'm going to boss
our podcast listeners. So you guys have got to subscribe,
and that you should do on tumail because you're such
a beautiful writer. I know you've got no time, but
(07:15):
it's such a nice outlesh.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Do you know what is good about it? There's something
in when you take away the obligation of something like writing.
When we were writing for Show and Tell, it's like
the start is always good, but then it gets to
a point where it's like, oh, it becomes you have
to do it. I have to do it. Yeah, but
you doing it in this way where it is just
like an additional thing that you want to do. Yes,
(07:41):
there's more love in it totally.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
And I'm like, there's so much that we talk about
on this podcast that I'm going to be like, oh,
I can just write about that, like just little bits
and pieces that just little observations. Yeah, but you're right.
I'm like, I'm going to try and do it maybe
once a week. If I don't do it, I don't
do it. But anyway, you've got to subscribe.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Hopefully, I think it's going to get to a point
where people are going to want to make a return
to reading. Well, that's where I think it is.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I think it's like done a full circle where people
are like, I want that personal kind of touch of
somebody's writing. Now, there's so many people on there, Glenn
and Doyle, you know, glennan Doyle from where you can
do hard things. She got on there because apparently it
is like a form of social media, but a longer form.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
So she was told, like.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
You know, substat's beautiful, you can get on there and
write like it's not nasty or anything. But she got
on and apparently just got fucking hammered and got off it.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Hell, she seems so nice and yes, she says a
like for the the you know, the safety of other
people trying to make the world a better place. It's like,
who would have something bad to say? I know that's
what I thought.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
She got off it. She was like, oh my god,
this is vicious and nasty. But anyway, I don't know
how to use it properly yet. I don't really know
kind of where the comments go or where, like you know,
how to grow it or anything like that. But Sam's like,
it's not about how many people are reading it. It's
literally just an exercise in you having a creative outlet.
(09:07):
I'm like, you're so right, but of course I do
want people to read it.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
You know what take away to listen to Sam's advice,
do it just for the outlet. Yeah, and then if
you want to, you know, do something else with it,
you go down that route, but for now, let yourself
do it just because you're enjoying it. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
I've started painting again too, Like my fan type health
has been really bad, and yet because I've been so
chronically ill, it's been bad and I haven't yet had
the freedom to get back, Like when we move to
barn Bay. I'm like, I need to get back to
Melbourne every couple of weeks, sorry, every couple of months,
to see like Stacy, see my stepdad, my uncle, like,
(09:47):
just see my friends and family. And I haven't been
back since December because I haven't been well enough. Yeah,
so that taking away that filling of the cup. I'm
not well enough to pursue work at the moment, and
I can't exercise at the moment. Like my mental health
has taken the biggest fucking dive it has in years, because.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
It's stripped all the stuff that you get enjoyment from
away from it.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
I just just like but even because I had four
months of my head being really good, I was in
such a great mental place, and so I can't help
but think, oh my god, six weeks ago, I was
like on top of the world, and now I'm like,
can't stop crying.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
It's like, wild, here, bitch, we're gonna give you a
little taste of how good it can be, and you're
gonna take it away.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah, since it was exactly what it was like anyway,
So that's kind of where I'm at. So I'm like,
I'm so bad at painting, but it is like a
form of meditation, but I do a bit mal because
I like you were like so black or white. It's
I'm going to do this and I'm gonna be really
good at it. And then I look at it and
I'm like, this looks like a piece of shit.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
That's what people often don't talk about in starting of
something new. Yeah, right. The thing that I find hard
about starting something new is it with anything, you get
better at it and then you go back and look
at where you start and you're like, oh my god,
that was embarrassing. If you would if you would have
listened to your first radio show, your first episode on radio.
You would listen and go, oh god, oh I could
(11:20):
I can feel how nervous I am or totally yes,
I don't ever want.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
To feel like that, Like, yes, that's what it's like
with the painting with you. I look at it and
I'm like, I want to be good at this. Now,
this is really bad. I can't show anyone this, but well,
I'm spending this money on it, and I want it
to be good, and like do you know.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
You know what? But again it's got to be you
looking at it like no one's got to see this
for now, totally doing it for fun. And then once
the Picasso I'm at Picasso level, Yes, get it out
the world.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Yeah, it's funny the little things. And I actively at
the moment have to force myself to do those things
because you really don't feel like doing anything, and pilates
is my thing, but I don't feel well enough to
do that. But I'm like still journaling like a demon,
and still doing my guarded meditation and still and now painting.
I don't want to fucking do any of it.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Your channel at the moment. Oh, that would be the
best gift if I got a parcel and it was
your journals.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
I feel like you would just be really sad.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
No, but you know what it is, It's that thing,
It's that relatable thing. Look, she's just writing everything.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
I'm thinking. Hey, a show that I've watched though recently,
is too Much. Lena Dunham wrote it and directed it,
and Megan Salters in it. She's in Hacks as well.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
It's I love so fucking good.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
I became obsessed with it.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
What's it about? I'm not even across it.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
So it's about like this chick who's basically you know,
in some ways you relate to her saying like she's
too much. She's this yes girl who is in New
York and her boyfriend breaks up with her and she's
like psycholy obsessed with him, moves over to the UK,
meets somebody else. It's just so fucking good. It's so
(13:14):
well written. Lena Dunham. Like, I kind of went off
Lena Dunham and now I'm obsessed with her, and I'm
obsessed with this Megan Salter too. And when I watch
them interview together, they're so in love with each other.
They're friendship so beautiful. And I know we shouldn't talk
about bodies, but they're both in bigger bodies, and there
(13:36):
is something about watching them that makes me feel a
certain way. I think it's like a oh, like a
confidence in them. Like Emma Salter is like, oh, it's
up to you if you do ozen pick and stuff,
(13:56):
but she's like, I love my fat ass. Like the
body comp evidence is so unbelievable because we're going back
into that stage where being really thin is fucking in,
Like it's just getting written about constantly, and these are
you know, Lena Dunham has spoken about how she's had
(14:16):
eating disorders and she is the size that she is
now and she's a lot bigger than she was during Girls.
But I just look at them and I feel really
empowered by them. I hate that word, but I do.
I feel really like, you guys fucking epic.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
I wish we had more of that, like ash, Like,
you know, we talk about aging and you know, everyone
has the right to do what they want or whatever,
but I think when you are, you know, you consume
a lot of social media. Plus I feel like I'm
always looking at my face because I'm always editing this
podcast or whatever. Yeah, and it's turning into a point
(14:57):
where I'm like Oh, I am scrutinizing my face in
a way that I know is unhealthy. Yeah, and it's
impacting how I feel about myself.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Yeah, that's what I do about my body too. It's hideous,
Like the way we talk to ourselves is so unbelievably hideous.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
I don't I really don't want that. I don't want
I don't want the body stuff. I don't want the
aging stuff. And if you really but if you really
pick it apart someone in whether you want to call
it a bigger body, you've got a bigger tummy, you've
got a bit of celluli. You gotta an ask whatever
it is, like, anybody is really sexy.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Megan Salter is so sexy because she's so fucking confident.
You should see the outfit she wears in it like
it makes you gasp because it's like, oh my god,
they're really some of them are really tight, and she's
got wobbles and you know, her body is very different
than like em Rada who's on it, for example, also stuff,
(16:00):
but it's like, oh my god, you're so confident that
you're so hot. It's all personality, but we put it
all down to body. But it's like if somebody's got
this fucking wicked personality that is so attractive and they're
so confident, the difference it makes because if she was
(16:21):
cowering and was insecure, you would be more confronted by
her body, but you're not because she's so confident and
powerful in it.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
And who ever said that tight abs feel better than
the softness of a stomach or feeling a role on
a stomach, why is that so repulsive? That's so frust
You said that because back in those times of like
the I don't know if it was the Renaissance or whatever,
(16:50):
all the pictures of the women they're all naked, soft curves,
rolls hips.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
That was that was a wealthing like showing I have money,
I can I can eat.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
And it's the same as in I think it's in
Asian cultures. I'm sorry if this is wrong, but like
a yes.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Because you're working out in the rice fields, yes, where
you're pale.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Yes, that's something to aspire to you because you don't
have to go out and work totally like that. Absolutely, yes,
it's just it's reframing our ideas about it.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
But again, like that's a big job. Oh, it's years
of unconditioning and reconditioning, Like it's this show absolutely everyone
should watch because watching it's so great and it's funny.
The writing is so brilliant that it makes me just
think of Lena Dunham as just this fucking queen, like
(17:51):
and she directs, she's in it, but she doesn't have
the main part in it, which I also think off
of your own you know, ego and everything to know,
this isn't my role. This is for somebody else, Like
I just loved that.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Oh my god, that's so awesome, and I guess for
any woman who's felt like she's too much.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Or which is all of us at some point we
will be honest. Now going to something that's really dark.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
My favorite place.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Yeah, this is our natural state as opposed to probably
where we have been for the whole podcast, me talking
about having my depression flowering up and everything like this.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
But this.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Is so unbelievably heartbreaking but so beautiful at the same time,
So I'm just going to read it out, Okay. Fraser Cahill,
thirty seven years old, was always the life of the party,
so when he found out his aggressive cancer had returned,
there was one thing on his mind. He was a
(18:55):
popular Melbourne real estate agent, and he was told he
had weeks to live. He very quickly turned his attention
to the last three things he needed to do.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Cry right, oh God.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
The first thing was to take his immediate family and
four best friends to an all expenses paid trip to
Lizard Island, a holiday to make lasting memories for those
he would leave behind. The second was to host a
night of drinking, dancing, laughing, and a party to end
all parties, a live funeral, if you will. The third
(19:30):
was to find the perfect location, the perfect day, and
the perfect time to take his last breath thirty seven
year old Melbourne man. Like, sometimes you read these and
they're someone from overseas, so it puts a little distance
between it. But I'm like, I can see a picture
(19:51):
of him doing an auction and it looks like literally
my old house in Olwood.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
You know.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
I'm like, this man was so like seeing pictures of
when they're so alive. And then he wanted to go
out on a boat and take his last breath out
on a boat and has he in ther way and
his parents are now advocating for you know, for you
to be able to decide when to end your own
(20:18):
life voluntarily. What's it called voluntary disure, A sister dying
or something like that, It's called yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
You know. The thing about that is the initially the
thought is you want to go out having fun, like
on a high or whatever. But the selflessness of what
you're actually doing is creating these memories for the people
who love you, totally hold onto. It's actually a gift
(20:48):
for everybody else. God underlie.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
It's just so strong to be able to do that, though,
it said. He made his farewell speech and then because
of his love of the beach and voting an adventure,
he chose Point Lonsdale Is to go there. He's a
kid for his final breath. He wanted to set sail
on his own terms. And that's basically what happened. But
I want to read you his At his party, he
(21:13):
gave a speech to all of his friends and apparently
it was like the party to end all part like
so much magic, king and everything like this. And he
gave his speech to his friends, which is the goal really,
except you want to be in your eighties or nineties,
not thirty seven years old.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
But this is what he said.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
A massive thank you to you friends and family that
have just been so supportive ever since I started getting
a bit sick, all the things fridge stocked, people sending
around Lasagne's. I haven't given back the dishes yet. I'm sorry,
getting my medicine going above and beyond. I think ever
since I found out I was getting sick, I realized
all of you are in the sum of your memories.
(21:56):
And as I look around this room and look into
every single one of your eyes, I know there's been
a memory. I don't feel scared. I feel nothing but
absolutely so happy and so incredibly grateful to every single
one of you for all those memories because it allows
me to go I've loved it all.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Oh that's a truly to be that at peace with it.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Remarkable. Yeah, remarkable is the word. But also I'd say
that's a I love the idea of that. Yeah, but god,
that would be hard to be one of those guests,
like I think of that was you know, I always
go to my sister, right, I think if that was
my sister, I don't know if I could, if I
(22:51):
could have the happiness, yeah, I know.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Be present and be happy like going on a trip,
going this is our last trip or this is our
live this is the last time I'm going to have
a drink with you. Like you'd have to be led
by that person though, because you'd go, this is what
you have to give them. But if everyone wasn't running
off to the bathroom like fucking howling and going outside,
or you know, at a party too, like you don't
(23:16):
get long to talk to somebody, so you would talk
to him and go that might be the last time
I get to speak to him.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Look, I think I've said this before, but that idea
of a living funeral am up for that. I want
to hear all the good shit people same, but also.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
Getting up there and being able to thank people and
thank them to the memories and thank them for making
you who you are and contributing to your life. Like,
what a gift to be able to say that to people.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
And the thing that stuck with me was that I'm
not scared even if he is, which I assume there
would have to be an element totally right. Yeah, but
he's then again giving them more of a gift of
them feeling coming for peace with it. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
What a beautiful man, I know, I know, isn't that
so beautiful? That is who that's fucked, but I mean
beautiful rest in peace. Yes, absolutely, yep, and hey, y'ah
looks with his family to God. We are going to
get out of here. But you're like, oh, I've got
a poem that I want to read. Let's match, And
(24:27):
you're like, let's make the first half of the podcast
lighter and then we'll go into the heavier stuff.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Fuck me.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Okay, so you've got this poem. Am I going to
like hyperventilate?
Speaker 2 (24:39):
No, this is worse shit. Yeah, hold on because like
we have been sitting here for how long I'm sitting
here with you, My phone, which was right here has disappeared.
I can't have We've been so it hasn't disappeared. It's
fallen somewhere and min.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
And going all over the shopping your room. Just take
a minute, and everyone is okay to take a minute
with you.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Yeah. No, and I'll cut it out anyway. Found it.
I'm nervous, Okay, fell behind my pillows. No, this is
terrible shit now, but it's terrible. It's beautifully written, but
it's also something that I feel could potentially change someone's
mind if they were in a very dark place and
(25:25):
considering doing something. Okay, right, so trigger trigger warning, trigger warning. Yeah,
but also I do feel that it's something that you
should maybe shared with someone that you love that might
be going through a rough time. Okay, so why you're
sharing it now? No? No, no, no, no, okay. The
(25:46):
account is Hailey Grace Poetry. Oh this is this is really,
this is really shit. Shit you haven't even started. The
morning after you take your life will be like any
other day. Your leftovers will sit in the free your
car keys in the drawer, and your phone on the charger,
except it will have seventeen unread messages from your mother
(26:07):
telling you that she was just giving you space, that
she didn't want to push, that she's here, She's always
here because you will always be her baby. The morning
after you take your life, your brother will punch a
hole in his wall, but he will never cry because
no one ever taught him how grief doesn't leak out
of his eyes, it builds up in his fists. Your
(26:28):
best friend will sit in your driveway for two hours
because she doesn't know how to walk into a world
that doesn't include you, and the world will keep spinning,
but not for them. For them, time will fold in
on itself for them. The clocks will stop. Your room
will stay the same, Your laundry will stay unfolded, your
bed will stay unmade, like they're all just waiting for
(26:50):
you to come home. And the food in the fridge
will rot. They'll throw out the milk, then the eggs,
then the leftovers, but not for weeks, not until they realize,
or not just late You're never coming back. Your car
will stay in the driveway, no one will sell it.
Your shoes will stay by the door, no one will
move them. Your toothbrush, your jacket, your scent, all of
(27:12):
it will live in your home longer than you ever
thought you would. And you'll think you had no one,
But you had everyone. You just couldn't see it through
the darkness pressed against your eyelids. You just couldn't feel it,
through the ache that weighed on your soul. The day
after you take your life, your teacher will hand back
(27:34):
the paper you were sure that you'd failed, the one
that you almost didn't turn in, And it turns out
you got an A. And she wrote in the corner
with messy handwriting, you have a voice I've never seen
in someone so young. Don't ever stop writing, but you
won't be there to read it. You won't know that
(27:55):
your college acceptance letter was coming in the mail. You
won't know that someone knew was about to sit next
to you on the bus and that person would have
become your best friend. You won't know that next month,
your favorite band is dropping an album that would have
made you feel seen in a way nothing else ever has.
You won't know that healing was already on its way,
that the things breaking you were about to loosen their grip,
(28:18):
that tomorrow might have been the day everything changed, but
you weren't there to see it. Because you might leave
the world behind, but for everyone else, the world left
with you. Isn't it? That sound you made was exactly it?
Speaker 1 (28:37):
God, that's so full on. Where did you find that?
Speaker 2 (28:41):
I just that's my fucking Instagram algorithm. It's all just
it's all just like shit like that and porn sex stuff.
Oh my god. But I know I appreciate the fact
that a lot of the time, I don't know, but
a lot of the time when people do something like that,
(29:01):
it's in a split second moment of desperation or whatever.
And I know some people do plant and all that,
But just the thought of you never know what's around
the corner and might be really bad right now.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
But yeah, you know, I constantly am like nothing stays
the same forever.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
That is my mantra.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
I constantly say it, and I have good, good, God,
I'm nowhere. They're like, I hate even having to say that.
You know, I'm like even feeling dark at the moment,
I'm like, nothing's gonna stay the same forever. This is
gonna pass, Like everything passes. But when you're in things,
they're so intense that you feel like it's never gonna end.
(29:44):
But it's the same as joy. It's like every feeling
it's fleeting, and we get so attached to this feeling
of feeling good that when we don't feel good, it's
like something's really wrong. This is a wrong way to fear.
But you think about every time you've been crazily happy.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
That passes too, Yeah, it does. It's like you've got
to normalize that, you know what, feeling shit. I know,
that's like proper depression is not just feeling shit. No,
I know that, But like there's nothing wrong when you
feel that way, or there's nothing wrong with feeling anxious
sometimes or whatever. I think it's when it gets when
it gets to a point where it's out of control.
(30:24):
But just the just the thought of hanging there because
everything could everything could change. Yeah, and we just don't know.
Yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Well on that note, that fun not you guys. We
will be driving or walking crying your eyeballs out.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
I know, I know. The messages will get that podcast.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
Anyway. Thank you so much for listening, guys. We really
appreciate it. We love you all and make sure you
hit us up anytime. Show and Tell Podcasts is our Instagram.
We have a patren where we do an extra podcast
every couple of weeks over there, and it's about five
bucks a month. But we can look at that Patreon
forward slash Show and Tell online.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
But we'll check you soon. Bye y'all, Love yous,
Friends of the podcast is Mail a monthy We love you, sexy.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Cats Me, Oh how are you?
Speaker 1 (00:18):
You're?
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Oh great? New, not bad, not bad. It's so nice
to see your face. I haven't seen your face.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
We haven't seen each other because we recorded a few
and then I went into hospital for my fucking migraines.
I've had such a bad run with my health. And
I'll do an update on the Iconic podcast, which I might.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Be able to do with Brookie.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
But if you do listen to that podcast, it's all
about chronic health, so you know, we've both got a
bit going on, so I'll update you over there, so
if you're not that interested in chronic health stuff on
this podcast. But anyway, I've had a bad run and
so we've had to we haven't really seen each other
that much, so it's so nice to see your face.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
I know.
Speaker 1 (01:06):
Anyway, since we last chattered, I've started something and you
didn't really know what it was, but it's called a
sub stack.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Yes, tell me, so remember years and years ago.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
I mean it's not that long ago that you don't
have to go, oh yeah, back in the day, but
blogs were huge. So we started Show and Tell as
essentially a blog. It was a website where we'd get
on and we'd blog essentially. It wasn't really a personal blog,
but whatever we would think about, we'd get on there
and write about.
Speaker 2 (01:37):
But lots of people would have personal blogs.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
Yes anyway, So it was just this huge thing that
people would have these personal blogs. And then it kind
of went more into podcasts. People just dropped off doing
stuff like that, and yet people consume differently, stopped reading anyway.
Substack is like the house for blog now. Apparently it's
(02:01):
been around for years, but of course I've only just
found out about it, but like me and Friedman for example,
has had one for three years, yes, and it's just
a personal blog essentially, and I'm like, I'm going to
do this, and I've I've written I think three or
four pieces. It's so because I miss writing, like we
(02:22):
used to write for Chantel all the time, and I
just have streams of consciousness that I'm like, I just
want to write about this. So the first one I
wrote about was how this feels like a diary entry,
and it reminded me of like when I got a
dinky diary, Remember dinky diaries and how amazing they were,
(02:42):
And I got one for my ninth birthday, and it
reminded me how I got this cat that I fucking
hated for my ninth birthday. So that was one bit.
The next bit I wrote about was chronic health and
how I'm in a pit of fucking health and basically
depression at the moment. And then this morning I wrote
about how my son just lives off chicken nuggets and
(03:06):
how once this pediatrician was just like saying to him, stop,
be still, stop bouncing around, and he's neophobic, meaning he's
afraid of trying new things, and I was like, you
misdiagnose my son, like he's not afraid to hate.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Theatrician that was challenged him to sit down, and yes.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
So this was Alo, my now eleven year old, And
I like, for anyone who's got neurodivergent kids, food's a
real thing, like getting them to eat different foods. They
get really comfortable with certain foods. The texture, the taste,
the predictability of it, even the crunch of food can
be really regulating. Right, But as a mom, I hate
(03:50):
what I have to feed them. Like my four year old,
all he wants is nuggies and he won't have chicken nuggets.
They have to be nuggets, Like, you're fucking idiot, they're
all chicken nuggets, but you just have to say. Anyway, AlOH,
who is now eleven, when he was about five, would
have the same dinner every night and still pretty much does.
And I was like, oh my god, this is I
(04:12):
didn't know he was neurodiversion at the time. I'm like,
this is not good for this little kid, like he's
not getting anything into his body. And I sat him
down one night and said, you eat that, and that
is all you're getting because that's what people tell you, you know, No,
I cook one meal from my whole family. That's it.
And he sat down and he was so uncomfortable. He's like,
can I have a drink of water? Like I could
(04:33):
see the tears in his eyes, like he was really
trying to eat this meal I'd put in front of him,
but he couldn't. So I took him to a pediatrician
and he was bouncing off the walls like he was
playing with the toys, bouncing around.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I'm trying to.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Talk to her and she's like, look, he's neophobic. He's
afraid of trying different things. That's what neophobic is and
he will grow out of it in adolescence. And I
was like, Okay, that's good. And thenlater on we get
a neurodivergence, you know, like diagnosis, and I was like,
that fucking bitch telling my little boy who's clearly ADHD
(05:12):
five years old to stop bouncing around has clearly food issues,
which is very linked with neurodivergence, you know, when you
just look back and I'm like, oh, we could have
caught that when you were five. Yeah, Which it's like,
I don't you know, when people say early intervention, it's
not changing them. It's not going, oh, we're going to
(05:32):
fix you with the early intervention. But having early intervention
makes life easier. It just course it does.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
And the reality is that you can survive on chicken
nuggets for the rest of your life, but at some
point you're going to want to add something else in there.
So how do we make it less traumatic for them
to get it in?
Speaker 1 (05:51):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Exactly, Yeah, that's it. It's like teachers, like there's so
many that are still there hanging on to that job
where they shouldn't be.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Oh my god, where they don't know a single thing about,
you know, different brains how different brains work. He's just
a naughty boy and this and that drives me mad.
But yeah, so I wrote a piece about how it
kills me to give Otis nuggets, but I also know
the kid's not going to die.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
Like backs to my.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
Thirteen year olds are much better eater because you do.
You get more confidence when you're older and you're like, oh,
I'll try that. That tastes good. I'll eat that now.
But the younger too, you know, they're shocking eaters. And
so I wrote about that. So this anyway, the substack
is literally just streams of consciousness. They're not long pieces
kind of whatever's on my mind. So you have to
(06:37):
subscribe to it because I have no no one following.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
So I'm like, I need.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Like this desperado, all of you to go onto substack.
It's Monty Diamond, dm O and d hang on.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
It's just substack dot com. Like it's just so okay.
And then you just there's a search panel there.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Yeah, there's a search panel you know what, will pop
it in the show notes and you go and you
just subscribe and then anytime I write it sends you
an email. But I'm like, oh, I'm going to boss
our podcast listeners. So you guys have got to subscribe,
and that you should do on tumail because you're such
a beautiful writer. I know you've got no time, but
(07:15):
it's such a nice outlesh.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Do you know what is good about it? There's something
in when you take away the obligation of something like writing.
When we were writing for Show and Tell, it's like
the start is always good, but then it gets to
a point where it's like, oh, it becomes you have
to do it. I have to do it. Yeah, but
you doing it in this way where it is just
like an additional thing that you want to do. Yes,
(07:41):
there's more love in it totally.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
And I'm like, there's so much that we talk about
on this podcast that I'm going to be like, oh,
I can just write about that, like just little bits
and pieces that just little observations. Yeah, but you're right.
I'm like, I'm going to try and do it maybe
once a week. If I don't do it, I don't
do it. But anyway, you've got to subscribe.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Hopefully, I think it's going to get to a point
where people are going to want to make a return
to reading. Well, that's where I think it is.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
I think it's like done a full circle where people
are like, I want that personal kind of touch of
somebody's writing. Now, there's so many people on there, Glenn
and Doyle, you know, glennan Doyle from where you can
do hard things. She got on there because apparently it
is like a form of social media, but a longer form.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
So she was told, like.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
You know, substat's beautiful, you can get on there and
write like it's not nasty or anything. But she got
on and apparently just got fucking hammered and got off it.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Hell, she seems so nice and yes, she says a
like for the the you know, the safety of other
people trying to make the world a better place. It's like,
who would have something bad to say? I know that's
what I thought.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
She got off it. She was like, oh my god,
this is vicious and nasty. But anyway, I don't know
how to use it properly yet. I don't really know
kind of where the comments go or where, like you know,
how to grow it or anything like that. But Sam's like,
it's not about how many people are reading it. It's
literally just an exercise in you having a creative outlet.
(09:07):
I'm like, you're so right, but of course I do
want people to read it.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
You know what take away to listen to Sam's advice,
do it just for the outlet. Yeah, and then if
you want to, you know, do something else with it,
you go down that route, but for now, let yourself
do it just because you're enjoying it. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
I've started painting again too, Like my fan type health
has been really bad, and yet because I've been so
chronically ill, it's been bad and I haven't yet had
the freedom to get back, Like when we move to
barn Bay. I'm like, I need to get back to
Melbourne every couple of weeks, sorry, every couple of months,
to see like Stacy, see my stepdad, my uncle, like,
(09:47):
just see my friends and family. And I haven't been
back since December because I haven't been well enough. Yeah,
so that taking away that filling of the cup. I'm
not well enough to pursue work at the moment, and
I can't exercise at the moment. Like my mental health
has taken the biggest fucking dive it has in years, because.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
It's stripped all the stuff that you get enjoyment from
away from it.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
I just just like but even because I had four
months of my head being really good, I was in
such a great mental place, and so I can't help
but think, oh my god, six weeks ago, I was
like on top of the world, and now I'm like,
can't stop crying.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
It's like, wild, here, bitch, we're gonna give you a
little taste of how good it can be, and you're
gonna take it away.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
Yeah, since it was exactly what it was like anyway,
So that's kind of where I'm at. So I'm like,
I'm so bad at painting, but it is like a
form of meditation, but I do a bit mal because
I like you were like so black or white. It's
I'm going to do this and I'm gonna be really
good at it. And then I look at it and
I'm like, this looks like a piece of shit.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
That's what people often don't talk about in starting of
something new. Yeah, right. The thing that I find hard
about starting something new is it with anything, you get
better at it and then you go back and look
at where you start and you're like, oh my god,
that was embarrassing. If you would if you would have
listened to your first radio show, your first episode on radio.
You would listen and go, oh god, oh I could
(11:20):
I can feel how nervous I am or totally yes,
I don't ever want.
Speaker 1 (11:24):
To feel like that, Like, yes, that's what it's like
with the painting with you. I look at it and
I'm like, I want to be good at this. Now,
this is really bad. I can't show anyone this, but well,
I'm spending this money on it, and I want it
to be good, and like do you know.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
You know what? But again it's got to be you
looking at it like no one's got to see this
for now, totally doing it for fun. And then once
the Picasso I'm at Picasso level, Yes, get it out
the world.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Yeah, it's funny the little things. And I actively at
the moment have to force myself to do those things
because you really don't feel like doing anything, and pilates
is my thing, but I don't feel well enough to
do that. But I'm like still journaling like a demon,
and still doing my guarded meditation and still and now painting.
I don't want to fucking do any of it.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
Your channel at the moment. Oh, that would be the
best gift if I got a parcel and it was
your journals.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
I feel like you would just be really sad.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
No, but you know what it is, It's that thing,
It's that relatable thing. Look, she's just writing everything.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
I'm thinking. Hey, a show that I've watched though recently,
is too Much. Lena Dunham wrote it and directed it,
and Megan Salters in it. She's in Hacks as well.
Speaker 2 (12:43):
It's I love so fucking good.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
I became obsessed with it.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
What's it about? I'm not even across it.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
So it's about like this chick who's basically you know,
in some ways you relate to her saying like she's
too much. She's this yes girl who is in New
York and her boyfriend breaks up with her and she's
like psycholy obsessed with him, moves over to the UK,
meets somebody else. It's just so fucking good. It's so
(13:14):
well written. Lena Dunham. Like, I kind of went off
Lena Dunham and now I'm obsessed with her, and I'm
obsessed with this Megan Salter too. And when I watch
them interview together, they're so in love with each other.
They're friendship so beautiful. And I know we shouldn't talk
about bodies, but they're both in bigger bodies, and there
(13:36):
is something about watching them that makes me feel a
certain way. I think it's like a oh, like a
confidence in them. Like Emma Salter is like, oh, it's
up to you if you do ozen pick and stuff,
(13:56):
but she's like, I love my fat ass. Like the
body comp evidence is so unbelievable because we're going back
into that stage where being really thin is fucking in,
Like it's just getting written about constantly, and these are
you know, Lena Dunham has spoken about how she's had
(14:16):
eating disorders and she is the size that she is
now and she's a lot bigger than she was during Girls.
But I just look at them and I feel really
empowered by them. I hate that word, but I do.
I feel really like, you guys fucking epic.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
I wish we had more of that, like ash, Like,
you know, we talk about aging and you know, everyone
has the right to do what they want or whatever,
but I think when you are, you know, you consume
a lot of social media. Plus I feel like I'm
always looking at my face because I'm always editing this
podcast or whatever. Yeah, and it's turning into a point
(14:57):
where I'm like Oh, I am scrutinizing my face in
a way that I know is unhealthy. Yeah, and it's
impacting how I feel about myself.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Yeah, that's what I do about my body too. It's hideous,
Like the way we talk to ourselves is so unbelievably hideous.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
I don't I really don't want that. I don't want
I don't want the body stuff. I don't want the
aging stuff. And if you really but if you really
pick it apart someone in whether you want to call
it a bigger body, you've got a bigger tummy, you've
got a bit of celluli. You gotta an ask whatever
it is, like, anybody is really sexy.
Speaker 1 (15:37):
Megan Salter is so sexy because she's so fucking confident.
You should see the outfit she wears in it like
it makes you gasp because it's like, oh my god,
they're really some of them are really tight, and she's
got wobbles and you know, her body is very different
than like em Rada who's on it, for example, also stuff,
(16:00):
but it's like, oh my god, you're so confident that
you're so hot. It's all personality, but we put it
all down to body. But it's like if somebody's got
this fucking wicked personality that is so attractive and they're
so confident, the difference it makes because if she was
(16:21):
cowering and was insecure, you would be more confronted by
her body, but you're not because she's so confident and
powerful in it.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
And who ever said that tight abs feel better than
the softness of a stomach or feeling a role on
a stomach, why is that so repulsive? That's so frust
You said that because back in those times of like
the I don't know if it was the Renaissance or whatever,
(16:50):
all the pictures of the women they're all naked, soft curves,
rolls hips.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
That was that was a wealthing like showing I have money,
I can I can eat.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
And it's the same as in I think it's in
Asian cultures. I'm sorry if this is wrong, but like
a yes.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
Because you're working out in the rice fields, yes, where
you're pale.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Yes, that's something to aspire to you because you don't
have to go out and work totally like that. Absolutely, yes,
it's just it's reframing our ideas about it.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
But again, like that's a big job. Oh, it's years
of unconditioning and reconditioning, Like it's this show absolutely everyone
should watch because watching it's so great and it's funny.
The writing is so brilliant that it makes me just
think of Lena Dunham as just this fucking queen, like
(17:51):
and she directs, she's in it, but she doesn't have
the main part in it, which I also think off
of your own you know, ego and everything to know,
this isn't my role. This is for somebody else, Like
I just loved that.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Oh my god, that's so awesome, and I guess for
any woman who's felt like she's too much.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Or which is all of us at some point we
will be honest. Now going to something that's really dark.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
My favorite place.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Yeah, this is our natural state as opposed to probably
where we have been for the whole podcast, me talking
about having my depression flowering up and everything like this.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
But this.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Is so unbelievably heartbreaking but so beautiful at the same time,
So I'm just going to read it out, Okay. Fraser Cahill,
thirty seven years old, was always the life of the party,
so when he found out his aggressive cancer had returned,
there was one thing on his mind. He was a
(18:55):
popular Melbourne real estate agent, and he was told he
had weeks to live. He very quickly turned his attention
to the last three things he needed to do.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
Cry right, oh God.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
The first thing was to take his immediate family and
four best friends to an all expenses paid trip to
Lizard Island, a holiday to make lasting memories for those
he would leave behind. The second was to host a
night of drinking, dancing, laughing, and a party to end
all parties, a live funeral, if you will. The third
(19:30):
was to find the perfect location, the perfect day, and
the perfect time to take his last breath thirty seven
year old Melbourne man. Like, sometimes you read these and
they're someone from overseas, so it puts a little distance
between it. But I'm like, I can see a picture
(19:51):
of him doing an auction and it looks like literally
my old house in Olwood.
Speaker 2 (19:56):
You know.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
I'm like, this man was so like seeing pictures of
when they're so alive. And then he wanted to go
out on a boat and take his last breath out
on a boat and has he in ther way and
his parents are now advocating for you know, for you
to be able to decide when to end your own
(20:18):
life voluntarily. What's it called voluntary disure, A sister dying
or something like that, It's called yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
You know. The thing about that is the initially the
thought is you want to go out having fun, like
on a high or whatever. But the selflessness of what
you're actually doing is creating these memories for the people
who love you, totally hold onto. It's actually a gift
(20:48):
for everybody else. God underlie.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
It's just so strong to be able to do that, though,
it said. He made his farewell speech and then because
of his love of the beach and voting an adventure,
he chose Point Lonsdale Is to go there. He's a
kid for his final breath. He wanted to set sail
on his own terms. And that's basically what happened. But
I want to read you his At his party, he
(21:13):
gave a speech to all of his friends and apparently
it was like the party to end all part like
so much magic, king and everything like this. And he
gave his speech to his friends, which is the goal really,
except you want to be in your eighties or nineties,
not thirty seven years old.
Speaker 2 (21:31):
But this is what he said.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
A massive thank you to you friends and family that
have just been so supportive ever since I started getting
a bit sick, all the things fridge stocked, people sending
around Lasagne's. I haven't given back the dishes yet. I'm sorry,
getting my medicine going above and beyond. I think ever
since I found out I was getting sick, I realized
all of you are in the sum of your memories.
(21:56):
And as I look around this room and look into
every single one of your eyes, I know there's been
a memory. I don't feel scared. I feel nothing but
absolutely so happy and so incredibly grateful to every single
one of you for all those memories because it allows
me to go I've loved it all.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
Oh that's a truly to be that at peace with it.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Remarkable. Yeah, remarkable is the word. But also I'd say
that's a I love the idea of that. Yeah, but god,
that would be hard to be one of those guests,
like I think of that was you know, I always
go to my sister, right, I think if that was
my sister, I don't know if I could, if I
(22:51):
could have the happiness, yeah, I know.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
Be present and be happy like going on a trip,
going this is our last trip or this is our
live this is the last time I'm going to have
a drink with you. Like you'd have to be led
by that person though, because you'd go, this is what
you have to give them. But if everyone wasn't running
off to the bathroom like fucking howling and going outside,
or you know, at a party too, like you don't
(23:16):
get long to talk to somebody, so you would talk
to him and go that might be the last time
I get to speak to him.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
Look, I think I've said this before, but that idea
of a living funeral am up for that. I want
to hear all the good shit people same, but also.
Speaker 1 (23:33):
Getting up there and being able to thank people and
thank them to the memories and thank them for making
you who you are and contributing to your life. Like,
what a gift to be able to say that to people.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
And the thing that stuck with me was that I'm
not scared even if he is, which I assume there
would have to be an element totally right. Yeah, but
he's then again giving them more of a gift of
them feeling coming for peace with it. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
What a beautiful man, I know, I know, isn't that
so beautiful? That is who that's fucked, but I mean
beautiful rest in peace. Yes, absolutely, yep, and hey, y'ah
looks with his family to God. We are going to
get out of here. But you're like, oh, I've got
a poem that I want to read. Let's match, And
(24:27):
you're like, let's make the first half of the podcast
lighter and then we'll go into the heavier stuff.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Fuck me.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Okay, so you've got this poem. Am I going to
like hyperventilate?
Speaker 2 (24:39):
No, this is worse shit. Yeah, hold on because like
we have been sitting here for how long I'm sitting
here with you, My phone, which was right here has disappeared.
I can't have We've been so it hasn't disappeared. It's
fallen somewhere and min.
Speaker 1 (24:55):
And going all over the shopping your room. Just take
a minute, and everyone is okay to take a minute
with you.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Yeah. No, and I'll cut it out anyway. Found it.
I'm nervous, Okay, fell behind my pillows. No, this is
terrible shit now, but it's terrible. It's beautifully written, but
it's also something that I feel could potentially change someone's
mind if they were in a very dark place and
(25:25):
considering doing something. Okay, right, so trigger trigger warning, trigger warning. Yeah,
but also I do feel that it's something that you
should maybe shared with someone that you love that might
be going through a rough time. Okay, so why you're
sharing it now? No? No, no, no, no, okay. The
(25:46):
account is Hailey Grace Poetry. Oh this is this is really,
this is really shit. Shit you haven't even started. The
morning after you take your life will be like any
other day. Your leftovers will sit in the free your
car keys in the drawer, and your phone on the charger,
except it will have seventeen unread messages from your mother
(26:07):
telling you that she was just giving you space, that
she didn't want to push, that she's here, She's always
here because you will always be her baby. The morning
after you take your life, your brother will punch a
hole in his wall, but he will never cry because
no one ever taught him how grief doesn't leak out
of his eyes, it builds up in his fists. Your
(26:28):
best friend will sit in your driveway for two hours
because she doesn't know how to walk into a world
that doesn't include you, and the world will keep spinning,
but not for them. For them, time will fold in
on itself for them. The clocks will stop. Your room
will stay the same, Your laundry will stay unfolded, your
bed will stay unmade, like they're all just waiting for
(26:50):
you to come home. And the food in the fridge
will rot. They'll throw out the milk, then the eggs,
then the leftovers, but not for weeks, not until they realize,
or not just late You're never coming back. Your car
will stay in the driveway, no one will sell it.
Your shoes will stay by the door, no one will
move them. Your toothbrush, your jacket, your scent, all of
(27:12):
it will live in your home longer than you ever
thought you would. And you'll think you had no one,
But you had everyone. You just couldn't see it through
the darkness pressed against your eyelids. You just couldn't feel it,
through the ache that weighed on your soul. The day
after you take your life, your teacher will hand back
(27:34):
the paper you were sure that you'd failed, the one
that you almost didn't turn in, And it turns out
you got an A. And she wrote in the corner
with messy handwriting, you have a voice I've never seen
in someone so young. Don't ever stop writing, but you
won't be there to read it. You won't know that
(27:55):
your college acceptance letter was coming in the mail. You
won't know that someone knew was about to sit next
to you on the bus and that person would have
become your best friend. You won't know that next month,
your favorite band is dropping an album that would have
made you feel seen in a way nothing else ever has.
You won't know that healing was already on its way,
that the things breaking you were about to loosen their grip,
(28:18):
that tomorrow might have been the day everything changed, but
you weren't there to see it. Because you might leave
the world behind, but for everyone else, the world left
with you. Isn't it? That sound you made was exactly it?
Speaker 1 (28:37):
God, that's so full on. Where did you find that?
Speaker 2 (28:41):
I just that's my fucking Instagram algorithm. It's all just
it's all just like shit like that and porn sex stuff.
Oh my god. But I know I appreciate the fact
that a lot of the time, I don't know, but
a lot of the time when people do something like that,
(29:01):
it's in a split second moment of desperation or whatever.
And I know some people do plant and all that,
But just the thought of you never know what's around
the corner and might be really bad right now.
Speaker 1 (29:14):
But yeah, you know, I constantly am like nothing stays
the same forever.
Speaker 2 (29:20):
That is my mantra.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
I constantly say it, and I have good, good, God,
I'm nowhere. They're like, I hate even having to say that.
You know, I'm like even feeling dark at the moment,
I'm like, nothing's gonna stay the same forever. This is
gonna pass, Like everything passes. But when you're in things,
they're so intense that you feel like it's never gonna end.
(29:44):
But it's the same as joy. It's like every feeling
it's fleeting, and we get so attached to this feeling
of feeling good that when we don't feel good, it's
like something's really wrong. This is a wrong way to fear.
But you think about every time you've been crazily happy.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
That passes too, Yeah, it does. It's like you've got
to normalize that, you know what, feeling shit. I know,
that's like proper depression is not just feeling shit. No,
I know that, But like there's nothing wrong when you
feel that way, or there's nothing wrong with feeling anxious
sometimes or whatever. I think it's when it gets when
it gets to a point where it's out of control.
(30:24):
But just the just the thought of hanging there because
everything could everything could change. Yeah, and we just don't know.
Yeah yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Well on that note, that fun not you guys. We
will be driving or walking crying your eyeballs out.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
I know, I know. The messages will get that podcast.
Speaker 1 (30:48):
Anyway. Thank you so much for listening, guys. We really
appreciate it. We love you all and make sure you
hit us up anytime. Show and Tell Podcasts is our Instagram.
We have a patren where we do an extra podcast
every couple of weeks over there, and it's about five
bucks a month. But we can look at that Patreon
forward slash Show and Tell online.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
But we'll check you soon. Bye y'all, Love yous,
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