June 8, 2025 • 21 mins
Comparing illnesses is always a bad idea! Monty usually feels like her illness is on a different scale to Brooke's and it often makes her feel guilty. There are so many layers of guilt with chronic illness and comparing is one of them.
We also get an update on Brooke's situation around Stem Cell Transplant Therapy.
This was an emotional one.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
It's a chronic time, the time of day where you
put your headphones on and listen to us talk about
sick shit.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
It will make it really fun and interesting. We promise
it fun.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
There'll be a bit of fun in there too. It
is brook and Monty. We both have chronic health issues.
I've got migraines, chronic fatigue pots. Brookie, you've got ms.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yeah, yeah, chronic. It's a smorgasbord of fun, Morgas mord
between us.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
We've got a lot of shit going on, and if
you're listening, obviously you do too, or you've got a
family or a member or friend that does as well.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
So welcome and thanks for listening.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Speaking of people that have a lot going on, I
wanted to talk to you about something because I went
recently to Jamilla Ribsby and Rosie Waterland's book launch. They
have launched this book called Broken Brains. It's I mean,
I've just started reading it and it is so good
life so good already, like so candid and raw and vulnerable,
(01:05):
but funny as well. But it was really interesting because
there's the first chapter in the book Rosie talks about
and she talked about this that the book launched too.
She talked about how because Jamilla has a brain tumor
and she has mental health issues, and that's kind of
the way the book works. So Rosy is like the
(01:25):
mental health side of a broken brain and Jamilla is
the physical side of a broken brain.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Such a great idea, it really is.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
It's so good.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
And Rosie was talking about the fact that she when
she started writing the book and she read Jam's first chapter,
she was very much like, shit, I wish I had
a brain tumor. And she wrote that in the first chapter,
like I wish that I actually had a brain tumor,
because then I could say, here, see this is what's
(01:53):
wrong with me, because what Jamilla has is so much
worse than what I have going on. And at first
the publish I said, oh, you should probably take that out,
like it doesn't make you look amazing, and she was like, actually,
I don't.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Care, because that's the truth.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
And it just straight away took me to this conversation
that I feel like we have quite a bit too,
where you will often say, oh, but you've got it
worse because you've got a mess, And I do not
think that at all, like, not even for a second,
And It was so interesting because Jamilla was like, Jamilla
said the same thing, and she said, I like, I
(02:30):
don't know how Rosie does what she does and lives
with everything that she lives with.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
And I couldn't. I couldn't do that.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
I actually would not take her illness over what my
illness is.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
And I thought that is so interesting.
Speaker 4 (02:45):
And I want to tell you that, and I hope
that it validates you because you often kind of played
off like it's not a big deal, and it is
like it is massive, and I just want you to
know that it is valid and you should never feel
like it's not shit.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
I'm going to cry already.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
No, I just like, oh, honey, I just I'm not
having a great day. My head's not very good. And
I was like, no, I don't want to if I'm.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Like, like, you know, I have days where I can't
get out of bed with my migraine. But if I
can get out, I thought, no, I'm going to record
today when I'm I sometimes think like we're very real
and honest in this podcast, but sometimes I think we
sound really up as well. Yeah a lot of the time,
but sometimes you and I are like, oh god, was
that boring or was that not? And sometimes I'm like,
(03:38):
fuck it were sometimes saying the words, but because we're
feeling good when we record, I don't know if it's
always hitting how I wanted to. I don't know if
it's making any sense. But today I'm not feeling well.
I went to pilates and I had to leave halfway
through it, and I knew driving to it, I'm like,
you're not feeling good. But I pushed myself because that's
what we do, because we want to do the normal shit. Yeah,
(04:01):
and some days you have those days where you just
don't want to surrender to it, but you're saying that
because I do. I'm always like, but you've got a mess,
and I've got fucking crank, migraines and depression.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
It just feels on a difference, but it's actually it's
just really not. It is just so not And I
haven't had a lot of mental health issues in my life,
and since my diagnosis, I have like experienced some anxiety
only recently, and it is awful, like so so awful.
(04:36):
And if I had to feel like that all the
time every day, I don't know how I could do that.
I don't know how I could function.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
It's all reality busin it, I know, but you do
compare points and just Rosy saying that though like for
her to say, I wish I had a brain tumors,
as jarring as that is, and how fucked it is.
Sam has occasionally said to me sometimes I wish what
we were dealing with is cancer, because people know where
(05:04):
to put it, people know to do for people because.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
It's it's known. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (05:11):
But when you're living with a chronic invisible illness, people
don't know where to put it. You don't know where
to put it yourself. There's people don't know how to
help you. But it's almost when you've got this clear
cut thing that everyone knows and even and he's like
more so for doctors, like so there's a path, you've
got this, this is what we're doing, this is the
(05:31):
treatment we're doing. You've got somebody in control. When you've
got an illness, it's a chronic illness that so many
play into one. You don't have one doctor leading it,
you don't know what to try, you're just doing it
all on your own. So I get what Rosie's saying,
even though it sounds fucking jarring.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
It's true.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
It's true.
Speaker 4 (05:51):
And you have mentioned that before too, Lack. You know,
if you had a broken I don't know, broken arm
or you know that no big but yeah, people could
see that there's something wrong with you and then they
know how to act accordingly. Whereas Rosie was saying, this
was really sad. Actually it made me like really sad
to think about this. So Jamilla had been in hospital
for her brain tumor, and then when she got out
(06:12):
of hospital, Rosie was in a like a like a
psych ward or is that what you would call it.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
I don't know, but like I guess a health rehab
kind of place.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Yeah, and she was, you know, not in a good way.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
And so Jamilla went to visit her and they were
both talking about their situations, and Jamilla was talking about
how the amazing support that she's been receiving from people
around her, and she said something like I think I've
got eleven lasagneas in my freezer at the moment, and
Rosie said, I have never once been given a lasagna.
(06:47):
And I thought that is heartbreaking because what she's going
through and what people with mental health issues that are
so severe, what they're going through is so so awful
and you just couldn't not even if you're not in
that headspace. It's so hard to imagine how hard that
would be. And the fact that she doesn't get that
(07:07):
support because it's not you know, it's not a brain tumor,
or it's you know, it's not cancer, you know, is
really heartbreaking that she can't get the support because you
can't see it. And it's not like easy to just
say this is what I've got, you know.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Totally, or people it's not they're uncomfortable, or if somebody
is like, do you want me to make you a meal?
Speaker 4 (07:27):
I'm never gonna go yes, yeah, I hate that, but
like we're a new body, but you never want to say, actually, yeah,
i'd love you to make me a spaghetti pilonise for
to day.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
No. But that's where that's when Sam comes into it,
and he's like, that's people would know. We need you
to bring us fucking meals. We need this, we need that,
this is what we're going through. But even though yeah,
and even saying it, I feel guilty because I don't
wish that upon myself. But at the same time, we
do need that support often, but people don't know how
to give it, and you don't know how to ask
(07:59):
for it.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
It's just the reality of it.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
And sometimes you don't want to like sometimes I might No,
We're fine, because it fluctuates day to day.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
Of course, Jamella had this really great thing that she
said that she like her circle do with her, which
I thought was so cool. That when she's like having
a you know, a really tough wig while she's in
hospital or something, her friends will say, Okay, so I've
got two hours free on Wednesday, I could do a
I could come to your house and make you a
tea and blah blah, or I could come over and
(08:30):
do your washing. Or I could make you dinner and
bring it over. Choose a b or seat. I'm like,
that is incredible because you never can ask any people
say do you need anything? You don't really ever say
yes please. So I thought, I love that, and I'm
going to do that even for like new mums as well,
you know who need a hand. Yeah, instead of going
(08:51):
over and expecting them to make you a tea.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
And whatever else, Like, really, if you were able.
Speaker 4 (08:57):
To send the you know, send them that message and
say choose, I'll be there in this afternoon, like that
was amazing.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yeah, that's a really good idea actually, so yeah, get
onto that. But then I also go, oh, I should
be doing more for my friends too, like you never do,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (09:14):
And I don't know.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
It's just tricky.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
I guess everyone just does the best they can. But
it is also people don't know sometimes what to do
or But yeah, it's interesting, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
I'm sorry you're having a shitty day. I wish I
could make you lillasign ye, but you're so far, so
far away.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
You know what.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Caatelinebrook sent me crapes once, crapes crapes. She was in
Melbourne and she's always used to drop black things like
pancakes and stuff off at.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
My door when we used to live in Melbourne.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
She said, I'm going to send you some and they
were in on a dish on the pancakes and then
they were wrapped in like foil, wrapped in tea towels.
They arrived within that like the next day. She expressed
posts them. They were fantastic. Oh god, they got alban
to Byron and my family and I ate them and
(10:02):
we it was like the funniest thing that had ever
happened because we never thought these crapes would make it
and be edible, but they were.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
I guess when you think about it, like meal delivery
services and delivering meals every day from Sydney to Melbourne
and all over the place.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Yeah, it was pretty funny.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
And if they don't send me crapes or don't send
meal as honey, I thank you, But really I.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Was just going to organize a lasagnia. Well wait anymore?
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Oh no, thank you, thank you though. Hey, so last
time we chatted. Everyone who listened to our last podcast
will be like, oh my god, what's the update with Brooke.
So last time we recorded, after we were finishing, you
were going to go and see your neurologist and get
some test results from quite a big test that you
a blood test that you were having because you had
(10:45):
had a bit of a flare up with MS. But
they couldn't see anything new on your brain. Is that
explaining it right?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (10:52):
Yeah, it's a new test that they're doing here in Australia.
They've been doing it overseas for years. It's pretty amazing.
It can look at like the amount of disease on
your brain and the likelihood of progression and how quickly
it's likely to progress. So it's pretty amazing, and they
thought it would be good for me to do that because.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
I've had I haven't had a great run.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
Firstly, I get and you know, some people might relapse
like once every ten years, or some people just like
don't relapse at all, And I've kind of had a
relapse in the last three years, like every few months.
I would say some of those times, you like, the
neurologist would expect that there would be a new lesion
(11:37):
on the brain or she'd be able to see something
like an enlarged lesion that was already there or something,
and a couple of times she hasn't been able to
see anything. So this test is kind of to helping
those instances where the MRIs just don't show everything. There's
often like lesions that are in places that are too
tricky to see, or maybe they're too small at the
moment that they can't see. So this just kind of
(11:59):
if you're in that great and they're not sure what
to do and what the next step should be, this
kind of helps them make those decisions.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Right, So you were waiting for those results back and
when we chatted you know.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
I said, how do you feel? And you said that
you think everything will be okay.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
No, I don't get upset. Don't you get upset, and
then I will.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Anyway, I didn't hear from you. I didn't want to
keep hassling you. But it got later that night and
I'm like, Chookie, just.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Let me know when you die.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Gosh.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
A new wrote, so results not great, pretty shit. Actually,
she said the number is really high, she said. She
said it should be a route about five and it's twenty.
It's progressing too fast.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
She said.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
It means that now she knows there is a lot
going on that they can't see on the scans, that
there are lesions there we can't see and can't be
picked up on the scans. Maybe they're too small or
in tricky places. She'll let the stem cell lady know
and said to call her tomorrow and follow up for
an appointment. And in the meantime she wants to have
monthly st with treatments.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
Yuck.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Anyway, it is what it is, so much for my
positive thinking. Then you took a few days to dissect
and you started a new fucking.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
I started my new job. I'm married at first sight.
Bloody love it. I'm obsessed. I love it, everything about
it and everyone.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
That you love it.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
So you get this result, you have a few days
to think about it. Then you jump into a full
on job that's going to be like a three month
stretch of working on married at first Sight, which is
fucking epic. And now we're podcasting again. So where's things at?
Speaker 2 (13:39):
So yeah, I guess I don't know.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
I think that when I was talking to you about it,
I felt pretty sure that it would it would be fine,
Like it wouldn't be anything to be worried about. And
if that were the case, then I could just kind
of keep going on doing the treatment that I'm doing
and I wouldn't really have to change too much. But yeah,
(14:05):
it's it is quite high. So now it's real. It's
a waiting game basically again. Now just have to wait.
I've got an appointment to see a lady here who
heads up like the stem cell transplants for MS, and yeah,
I'm seeing her in a few weeks, and then I'll
have a better idea of yeah, of the next the
(14:26):
next steps. Yeah, I think I probably took you know,
a couple of days just to sit with it and
feel a bit shit and then you know, you just
have to get up and get on with it. So
it's definitely some wallowing, you know, for a few days,
I'm just laying low.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
You know. I come out of these.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
Things pretty quickly, so I feel like, Okay, now I
feel like what will be will be, and I have
no control of it, any of this. So I feel
like I'm doing all the right things. I feel like
I'm doing everything I can. And I did say that.
I did say to Moneral, I just like, what can
I do? Like what else can I do? And she was,
(15:04):
you know, just like nothing, There's nothing that you can do.
You're not doing anything wrong. It's just this is just
the way it goes. So yeah, I just now I
just sit tight and wait and just try and keep busy.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
So I'm not thinking about it.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
But I guess also, even though I really have not
wanted to go down the path of doing the transplant,
I also think if that were the option that they
think I need to do, then I'm lucky at the
same time, right, because not a lot of people get
that opportunity to have this transplant. It's very strict on
(15:41):
the criteria to get in it would be you know,
I would be really lucky if I were to be
able to do it. So I just am trying to
focus on that.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yeah, which is an amazing way to think about. Like
what you could potentially looking at is fucking hard yaka,
which we explained it all in the previous episode.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
If your first time, it's.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
The waiting, I don't know how you don't go fucking
insane just with all of this waiting, Like you've got
an appointment in a few weeks time to find out
like how the next couple of years are going.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
To look for you.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Yeah. Yeah, it's wild, isn't it?
Speaker 4 (16:15):
And but you know what this is the this is
a life of somebody with chronic illness, right, Like it
is just you have your MRIs, whether it's like six
monthly or three monthly or really and then you're just
hanging waiting to see what happens and what the results
are and like everybody has to go through the same
(16:37):
thing and the same awful weight.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
I mean, like I think back to like when I
was doing IVF as well, and you have that two
week wait where you are waiting to find out if
the transfers work, and yeah, like a lot of people
have that weight and it's yeah, it's hard and it's shitty,
but you just, I think, have to keep busy or
you drive yourself.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
How perfect is the timing of this maths stint that
you're doing.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Do you know what? Maybe this is like it's meant
to be.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
I'm like, because when you were about to take it on,
I was like, this is a pretty big because it's
three months intensive work, like ten hours a day. I'm like,
how the fuck are you gonna do this? But now
it seems like a blessing.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Yeah, I think so too. I think so too.
Speaker 4 (17:25):
And you know what I did after, Like I had
my first week and then I messaged you and I said,
we're going to find I want you to be doing
something exciting to take your mind off things as well.
And I know it's not like it's you know, it
doesn't work like that for everyone, and everyone's illnesses are
differently and present differently and things like that. But for me,
(17:47):
I think it's been really good and definitely come at
the right time.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Because you do need another focus. This is the thing.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
It dominates our life so much that if you don't
have something else, it's really it's so all consuming anyway
that then it's really hard to find an identity outside
of this, where you go, I'm not all of this.
But then when you don't have other little things going on,
because even say, I podcast and my one with mals
not linked to health, but even doing this, which I love,
(18:16):
is still linked to.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
Our help, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Yeah, so I'm just craving a little something from the chronicness. Yeah, totally,
something that's just not connected at all. And I think
you've you've got that. You've jumped fucking headfirst into something
full on. On a side note, do you get to
know because I did? I never commit to Mass because
it's so it's such a big commitment.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
I know it's the show ever I love it. I
can't get enough of it. It's big in my family.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Yes, I watched it when I was breastfeeding with Odie.
That's what got me through breastfeeding. But then I'm like,
I don't have seven nights a week. It's like a
fifteen hour a week commitment to that show.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
It's huge. Do you get to meet then?
Speaker 4 (19:01):
Like?
Speaker 3 (19:02):
What do you how close a you're going to get to.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
The nitty gritty I don't know.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
I mean, I'm not like out in the field doing
like the producing like of the you know, like that
there are producers that stay at the hotel where the
couples are and they stay there for three months or
however long it's being filmed. But you know, if you
have a family and commitments, it's very hard to be
able to do things like that. So I'm kind of
in the pre production stage, which yeah, I'm loving. So
(19:28):
I will get some goss, but I have my lips sealed.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Oh so exciting because you're going to know who the
contestants are before everyone like does. You're going to know
so much you're not going to tell you any how
amazing is that concept though?
Speaker 3 (19:45):
Yeah, like just phenomenal. And many of the couple still together.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Now, yeah, there's quite a few.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
Yeah, like the Bachelor, there's quite a few bachelor couples
where you go, there's no fucking chance this is going
to work, but there's quite a few of them.
Speaker 4 (19:58):
I've got a bachelor couple around the corner from me
here in Avalon.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
If you got Robarts, no.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
I've got Holly Kingston and the pilot what was his name?
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Do you remember?
Speaker 1 (20:10):
No?
Speaker 3 (20:10):
I lost interest in that.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Oh just see a lot of them have and Laura
Burne and Maddie Jay are about to have their baby
SNZ and Sam would have had sixty four babies.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
We love them.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Yeah, good is the success story from a reality TV.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
It's pretty cool.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Awesome, it's so cool, I think.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
So all right, everyone, well we're going to get out
of here. Thanks so much for listening. We love hearing
from you. Any messages, send us voice notes, send us messages,
any topics or if you just want to you know somehow. Yes,
podcasts is where you can find us and we will
be back soon.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
You know what.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
I know we just said goodbye, but I just thought, man,
when we said like have a you know, have a winge,
maybe we should do like a venting thing like people
just like event, like if you want to just leave
us a message and have a vent, you know, have
you know, like like my friend doesn't understand blah blah.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
What is like just like leave us a message and
have a good vent.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
Do it? Really love to hear it, Show and Tell
Podcasts Bye for now,
It's a chronic time, the time of day where you
put your headphones on and listen to us talk about
sick shit.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
It will make it really fun and interesting. We promise
it fun.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
There'll be a bit of fun in there too. It
is brook and Monty. We both have chronic health issues.
I've got migraines, chronic fatigue pots. Brookie, you've got ms.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Yeah, yeah, chronic. It's a smorgasbord of fun, Morgas mord
between us.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
We've got a lot of shit going on, and if
you're listening, obviously you do too, or you've got a
family or a member or friend that does as well.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
So welcome and thanks for listening.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
Speaking of people that have a lot going on, I
wanted to talk to you about something because I went
recently to Jamilla Ribsby and Rosie Waterland's book launch. They
have launched this book called Broken Brains. It's I mean,
I've just started reading it and it is so good
life so good already, like so candid and raw and vulnerable,
(01:05):
but funny as well. But it was really interesting because
there's the first chapter in the book Rosie talks about
and she talked about this that the book launched too.
She talked about how because Jamilla has a brain tumor
and she has mental health issues, and that's kind of
the way the book works. So Rosy is like the
(01:25):
mental health side of a broken brain and Jamilla is
the physical side of a broken brain.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Such a great idea, it really is.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
It's so good.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
And Rosie was talking about the fact that she when
she started writing the book and she read Jam's first chapter,
she was very much like, shit, I wish I had
a brain tumor. And she wrote that in the first chapter,
like I wish that I actually had a brain tumor,
because then I could say, here, see this is what's
(01:53):
wrong with me, because what Jamilla has is so much
worse than what I have going on. And at first
the publish I said, oh, you should probably take that out,
like it doesn't make you look amazing, and she was like, actually,
I don't.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Care, because that's the truth.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
And it just straight away took me to this conversation
that I feel like we have quite a bit too,
where you will often say, oh, but you've got it
worse because you've got a mess, And I do not
think that at all, like, not even for a second,
And It was so interesting because Jamilla was like, Jamilla
said the same thing, and she said, I like, I
(02:30):
don't know how Rosie does what she does and lives
with everything that she lives with.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
And I couldn't. I couldn't do that.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
I actually would not take her illness over what my
illness is.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
And I thought that is so interesting.
Speaker 4 (02:45):
And I want to tell you that, and I hope
that it validates you because you often kind of played
off like it's not a big deal, and it is
like it is massive, and I just want you to
know that it is valid and you should never feel
like it's not shit.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
I'm going to cry already.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
No, I just like, oh, honey, I just I'm not
having a great day. My head's not very good. And
I was like, no, I don't want to if I'm.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Like, like, you know, I have days where I can't
get out of bed with my migraine. But if I
can get out, I thought, no, I'm going to record
today when I'm I sometimes think like we're very real
and honest in this podcast, but sometimes I think we
sound really up as well. Yeah a lot of the time,
but sometimes you and I are like, oh god, was
that boring or was that not? And sometimes I'm like,
(03:38):
fuck it were sometimes saying the words, but because we're
feeling good when we record, I don't know if it's
always hitting how I wanted to. I don't know if
it's making any sense. But today I'm not feeling well.
I went to pilates and I had to leave halfway
through it, and I knew driving to it, I'm like,
you're not feeling good. But I pushed myself because that's
what we do, because we want to do the normal shit. Yeah,
(04:01):
and some days you have those days where you just
don't want to surrender to it, but you're saying that
because I do. I'm always like, but you've got a mess,
and I've got fucking crank, migraines and depression.
Speaker 4 (04:13):
It just feels on a difference, but it's actually it's
just really not. It is just so not And I
haven't had a lot of mental health issues in my life,
and since my diagnosis, I have like experienced some anxiety
only recently, and it is awful, like so so awful.
(04:36):
And if I had to feel like that all the
time every day, I don't know how I could do that.
I don't know how I could function.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
It's all reality busin it, I know, but you do
compare points and just Rosy saying that though like for
her to say, I wish I had a brain tumors,
as jarring as that is, and how fucked it is.
Sam has occasionally said to me sometimes I wish what
we were dealing with is cancer, because people know where
(05:04):
to put it, people know to do for people because.
Speaker 3 (05:08):
It's it's known. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (05:11):
But when you're living with a chronic invisible illness, people
don't know where to put it. You don't know where
to put it yourself. There's people don't know how to
help you. But it's almost when you've got this clear
cut thing that everyone knows and even and he's like
more so for doctors, like so there's a path, you've
got this, this is what we're doing, this is the
(05:31):
treatment we're doing. You've got somebody in control. When you've
got an illness, it's a chronic illness that so many
play into one. You don't have one doctor leading it,
you don't know what to try, you're just doing it
all on your own. So I get what Rosie's saying,
even though it sounds fucking jarring.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
It's true.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
It's true.
Speaker 4 (05:51):
And you have mentioned that before too, Lack. You know,
if you had a broken I don't know, broken arm
or you know that no big but yeah, people could
see that there's something wrong with you and then they
know how to act accordingly. Whereas Rosie was saying, this
was really sad. Actually it made me like really sad
to think about this. So Jamilla had been in hospital
for her brain tumor, and then when she got out
(06:12):
of hospital, Rosie was in a like a like a
psych ward or is that what you would call it.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
I don't know, but like I guess a health rehab
kind of place.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Yeah, and she was, you know, not in a good way.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
And so Jamilla went to visit her and they were
both talking about their situations, and Jamilla was talking about
how the amazing support that she's been receiving from people
around her, and she said something like I think I've
got eleven lasagneas in my freezer at the moment, and
Rosie said, I have never once been given a lasagna.
(06:47):
And I thought that is heartbreaking because what she's going
through and what people with mental health issues that are
so severe, what they're going through is so so awful
and you just couldn't not even if you're not in
that headspace. It's so hard to imagine how hard that
would be. And the fact that she doesn't get that
(07:07):
support because it's not you know, it's not a brain tumor,
or it's you know, it's not cancer, you know, is
really heartbreaking that she can't get the support because you
can't see it. And it's not like easy to just
say this is what I've got, you know.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Totally, or people it's not they're uncomfortable, or if somebody
is like, do you want me to make you a meal?
Speaker 4 (07:27):
I'm never gonna go yes, yeah, I hate that, but
like we're a new body, but you never want to say, actually, yeah,
i'd love you to make me a spaghetti pilonise for
to day.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
No. But that's where that's when Sam comes into it,
and he's like, that's people would know. We need you
to bring us fucking meals. We need this, we need that,
this is what we're going through. But even though yeah,
and even saying it, I feel guilty because I don't
wish that upon myself. But at the same time, we
do need that support often, but people don't know how
to give it, and you don't know how to ask
(07:59):
for it.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
It's just the reality of it.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
And sometimes you don't want to like sometimes I might No,
We're fine, because it fluctuates day to day.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (08:06):
Of course, Jamella had this really great thing that she
said that she like her circle do with her, which
I thought was so cool. That when she's like having
a you know, a really tough wig while she's in
hospital or something, her friends will say, Okay, so I've
got two hours free on Wednesday, I could do a
I could come to your house and make you a
tea and blah blah, or I could come over and
(08:30):
do your washing. Or I could make you dinner and
bring it over. Choose a b or seat. I'm like,
that is incredible because you never can ask any people
say do you need anything? You don't really ever say
yes please. So I thought, I love that, and I'm
going to do that even for like new mums as well,
you know who need a hand. Yeah, instead of going
(08:51):
over and expecting them to make you a tea.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
And whatever else, Like, really, if you were able.
Speaker 4 (08:57):
To send the you know, send them that message and
say choose, I'll be there in this afternoon, like that
was amazing.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yeah, that's a really good idea actually, so yeah, get
onto that. But then I also go, oh, I should
be doing more for my friends too, like you never do,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (09:14):
And I don't know.
Speaker 2 (09:16):
It's just tricky.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
I guess everyone just does the best they can. But
it is also people don't know sometimes what to do
or But yeah, it's interesting, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
I'm sorry you're having a shitty day. I wish I
could make you lillasign ye, but you're so far, so
far away.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
You know what.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Caatelinebrook sent me crapes once, crapes crapes. She was in
Melbourne and she's always used to drop black things like
pancakes and stuff off at.
Speaker 3 (09:40):
My door when we used to live in Melbourne.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
She said, I'm going to send you some and they
were in on a dish on the pancakes and then
they were wrapped in like foil, wrapped in tea towels.
They arrived within that like the next day. She expressed
posts them. They were fantastic. Oh god, they got alban
to Byron and my family and I ate them and
(10:02):
we it was like the funniest thing that had ever
happened because we never thought these crapes would make it
and be edible, but they were.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
I guess when you think about it, like meal delivery
services and delivering meals every day from Sydney to Melbourne
and all over the place.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Yeah, it was pretty funny.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
And if they don't send me crapes or don't send
meal as honey, I thank you, But really I.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
Was just going to organize a lasagnia. Well wait anymore?
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Oh no, thank you, thank you though. Hey, so last
time we chatted. Everyone who listened to our last podcast
will be like, oh my god, what's the update with Brooke.
So last time we recorded, after we were finishing, you
were going to go and see your neurologist and get
some test results from quite a big test that you
a blood test that you were having because you had
(10:45):
had a bit of a flare up with MS. But
they couldn't see anything new on your brain. Is that
explaining it right?
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (10:52):
Yeah, it's a new test that they're doing here in Australia.
They've been doing it overseas for years. It's pretty amazing.
It can look at like the amount of disease on
your brain and the likelihood of progression and how quickly
it's likely to progress. So it's pretty amazing, and they
thought it would be good for me to do that because.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
I've had I haven't had a great run.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
Firstly, I get and you know, some people might relapse
like once every ten years, or some people just like
don't relapse at all, And I've kind of had a
relapse in the last three years, like every few months.
I would say some of those times, you like, the
neurologist would expect that there would be a new lesion
(11:37):
on the brain or she'd be able to see something
like an enlarged lesion that was already there or something,
and a couple of times she hasn't been able to
see anything. So this test is kind of to helping
those instances where the MRIs just don't show everything. There's
often like lesions that are in places that are too
tricky to see, or maybe they're too small at the
moment that they can't see. So this just kind of
(11:59):
if you're in that great and they're not sure what
to do and what the next step should be, this
kind of helps them make those decisions.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Right, So you were waiting for those results back and
when we chatted you know.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
I said, how do you feel? And you said that
you think everything will be okay.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
No, I don't get upset. Don't you get upset, and
then I will.
Speaker 1 (12:20):
Anyway, I didn't hear from you. I didn't want to
keep hassling you. But it got later that night and
I'm like, Chookie, just.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Let me know when you die.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Gosh.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
A new wrote, so results not great, pretty shit. Actually,
she said the number is really high, she said. She
said it should be a route about five and it's twenty.
It's progressing too fast.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
She said.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
It means that now she knows there is a lot
going on that they can't see on the scans, that
there are lesions there we can't see and can't be
picked up on the scans. Maybe they're too small or
in tricky places. She'll let the stem cell lady know
and said to call her tomorrow and follow up for
an appointment. And in the meantime she wants to have
monthly st with treatments.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
Yuck.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Anyway, it is what it is, so much for my
positive thinking. Then you took a few days to dissect
and you started a new fucking.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
I started my new job. I'm married at first sight.
Bloody love it. I'm obsessed. I love it, everything about
it and everyone.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
That you love it.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
So you get this result, you have a few days
to think about it. Then you jump into a full
on job that's going to be like a three month
stretch of working on married at first Sight, which is
fucking epic. And now we're podcasting again. So where's things at?
Speaker 2 (13:39):
So yeah, I guess I don't know.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
I think that when I was talking to you about it,
I felt pretty sure that it would it would be fine,
Like it wouldn't be anything to be worried about. And
if that were the case, then I could just kind
of keep going on doing the treatment that I'm doing
and I wouldn't really have to change too much. But yeah,
(14:05):
it's it is quite high. So now it's real. It's
a waiting game basically again. Now just have to wait.
I've got an appointment to see a lady here who
heads up like the stem cell transplants for MS, and yeah,
I'm seeing her in a few weeks, and then I'll
have a better idea of yeah, of the next the
(14:26):
next steps. Yeah, I think I probably took you know,
a couple of days just to sit with it and
feel a bit shit and then you know, you just
have to get up and get on with it. So
it's definitely some wallowing, you know, for a few days,
I'm just laying low.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
You know. I come out of these.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
Things pretty quickly, so I feel like, Okay, now I
feel like what will be will be, and I have
no control of it, any of this. So I feel
like I'm doing all the right things. I feel like
I'm doing everything I can. And I did say that.
I did say to Moneral, I just like, what can
I do? Like what else can I do? And she was,
(15:04):
you know, just like nothing, There's nothing that you can do.
You're not doing anything wrong. It's just this is just
the way it goes. So yeah, I just now I
just sit tight and wait and just try and keep busy.
Speaker 2 (15:18):
So I'm not thinking about it.
Speaker 4 (15:19):
But I guess also, even though I really have not
wanted to go down the path of doing the transplant,
I also think if that were the option that they
think I need to do, then I'm lucky at the
same time, right, because not a lot of people get
that opportunity to have this transplant. It's very strict on
(15:41):
the criteria to get in it would be you know,
I would be really lucky if I were to be
able to do it. So I just am trying to
focus on that.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Yeah, which is an amazing way to think about. Like
what you could potentially looking at is fucking hard yaka,
which we explained it all in the previous episode.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
If your first time, it's.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
The waiting, I don't know how you don't go fucking
insane just with all of this waiting, Like you've got
an appointment in a few weeks time to find out
like how the next couple of years are going.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
To look for you.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
Yeah. Yeah, it's wild, isn't it?
Speaker 4 (16:15):
And but you know what this is the this is
a life of somebody with chronic illness, right, Like it
is just you have your MRIs, whether it's like six
monthly or three monthly or really and then you're just
hanging waiting to see what happens and what the results
are and like everybody has to go through the same
(16:37):
thing and the same awful weight.
Speaker 3 (16:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (16:40):
I mean, like I think back to like when I
was doing IVF as well, and you have that two
week wait where you are waiting to find out if
the transfers work, and yeah, like a lot of people
have that weight and it's yeah, it's hard and it's shitty,
but you just, I think, have to keep busy or
you drive yourself.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
How perfect is the timing of this maths stint that
you're doing.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Do you know what? Maybe this is like it's meant
to be.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
I'm like, because when you were about to take it on,
I was like, this is a pretty big because it's
three months intensive work, like ten hours a day. I'm like,
how the fuck are you gonna do this? But now
it seems like a blessing.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
Yeah, I think so too. I think so too.
Speaker 4 (17:25):
And you know what I did after, Like I had
my first week and then I messaged you and I said,
we're going to find I want you to be doing
something exciting to take your mind off things as well.
And I know it's not like it's you know, it
doesn't work like that for everyone, and everyone's illnesses are
differently and present differently and things like that. But for me,
(17:47):
I think it's been really good and definitely come at
the right time.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
Because you do need another focus. This is the thing.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
It dominates our life so much that if you don't
have something else, it's really it's so all consuming anyway
that then it's really hard to find an identity outside
of this, where you go, I'm not all of this.
But then when you don't have other little things going on,
because even say, I podcast and my one with mals
not linked to health, but even doing this, which I love,
(18:16):
is still linked to.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
Our help, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Yeah, so I'm just craving a little something from the chronicness. Yeah, totally,
something that's just not connected at all. And I think
you've you've got that. You've jumped fucking headfirst into something
full on. On a side note, do you get to
know because I did? I never commit to Mass because
it's so it's such a big commitment.
Speaker 4 (18:41):
I know it's the show ever I love it. I
can't get enough of it. It's big in my family.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Yes, I watched it when I was breastfeeding with Odie.
That's what got me through breastfeeding. But then I'm like,
I don't have seven nights a week. It's like a
fifteen hour a week commitment to that show.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
It's huge. Do you get to meet then?
Speaker 4 (19:01):
Like?
Speaker 3 (19:02):
What do you how close a you're going to get to.
Speaker 2 (19:03):
The nitty gritty I don't know.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
I mean, I'm not like out in the field doing
like the producing like of the you know, like that
there are producers that stay at the hotel where the
couples are and they stay there for three months or
however long it's being filmed. But you know, if you
have a family and commitments, it's very hard to be
able to do things like that. So I'm kind of
in the pre production stage, which yeah, I'm loving. So
(19:28):
I will get some goss, but I have my lips sealed.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
Oh so exciting because you're going to know who the
contestants are before everyone like does. You're going to know
so much you're not going to tell you any how
amazing is that concept though?
Speaker 3 (19:45):
Yeah, like just phenomenal. And many of the couple still together.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Now, yeah, there's quite a few.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
Yeah, like the Bachelor, there's quite a few bachelor couples
where you go, there's no fucking chance this is going
to work, but there's quite a few of them.
Speaker 4 (19:58):
I've got a bachelor couple around the corner from me
here in Avalon.
Speaker 3 (20:02):
If you got Robarts, no.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
I've got Holly Kingston and the pilot what was his name?
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Do you remember?
Speaker 1 (20:10):
No?
Speaker 3 (20:10):
I lost interest in that.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
Oh just see a lot of them have and Laura
Burne and Maddie Jay are about to have their baby
SNZ and Sam would have had sixty four babies.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
We love them.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Yeah, good is the success story from a reality TV.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
It's pretty cool.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
Awesome, it's so cool, I think.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
So all right, everyone, well we're going to get out
of here. Thanks so much for listening. We love hearing
from you. Any messages, send us voice notes, send us messages,
any topics or if you just want to you know somehow. Yes,
podcasts is where you can find us and we will
be back soon.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
You know what.
Speaker 4 (20:52):
I know we just said goodbye, but I just thought, man,
when we said like have a you know, have a winge,
maybe we should do like a venting thing like people
just like event, like if you want to just leave
us a message and have a vent, you know, have
you know, like like my friend doesn't understand blah blah.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
What is like just like leave us a message and
have a good vent.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
Do it? Really love to hear it, Show and Tell
Podcasts Bye for now,
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