August 10, 2025 • 5 mins
The Art of Apologising and why people are so bad at it.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Well, we all make mistakes, so why is admitting when
we've messed up so difficult? Apologizing can be a challenge
for a number of reasons, including pride, fear of judgment,
and trouble accepting responsibility, but a good apology can make
or break a.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Personal or professional relationship.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, i'm sorry,
I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Well, i'm sorry too. It might look easy on the
big screen, guys, but sorry really does seem to be
the hardest word in the real world. And while we
can't undo what's been said or done, it can go
a long way to helping the healing process.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Communications and behavior expert Crasine effect there is here to
break it all down for us.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Hello, Gris, Hello.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Why do apologies matter?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
And why do we all need to be better at it?
Me including we always need to be better at apologizing.
And the crazy thing is is apologies are important because
it helps us heal and it earns our trust back.
And what the data suggests is when you're angry and
when you need to forgive, forty percent of the time,
if you can apologize, the anger goes down and the
(01:07):
forgiveness increases. So it's really really important, and not just
saying I'm sorry and moving on. That doesn't cut it anymore.
You don't mean it. You've got to really mean it.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Part of meaning it in what it's the timing and
the body language. Yes, you deliver it.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
With so as soon as you know you've mucked up,
say sorry straight away, and that's really important. And the
way you say sorry, eye contact, leaning in, really listening,
listen to learn, listen to engage, and more importantly, have
an open body language. Don't sit here and go i'm
sorry just like that. It needs to be owned by
you and you cannot be passive when you are saying sorry,
(01:40):
So not i'm sorry, hashtag sorry not sorry, or I'm
sorry smiley face or I'm solily lost.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I've written here, but i'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
But if no one takes anything else away from today
other than that, because everything before the butt is bes
you know, I'm sorry full stop, and people go, oh,
I can't argue back at that because you said I
am sorry, and then making sure you validate their feelings.
But don't even say i'm sorry you felt that way.
That doesn't validate anything. It's like, tell me what you're feeling.
And let me help with you behaving.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Because when you say that, you're putting it back on
the other person, saying it's kind of your fault. I'm
sorry if I offended you like you're too sensitive and
offended you, you should be just sorry, right, I'm sorry,
full stop.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
You don't say I'm sorry, however, not however.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
I'm going to watch your math out with sorry, Chris.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
You know what separates an apology from a real sorry?
Like why if some people find it hard to admit
that they're wrong.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Because they feel like they've let someone down, it's also
about pride, and it's also about ego. Oh if I
say I'm sorry, I've become really vulnerable. But it's having
that vulnerability and that courage to ensure that people say,
I get that you've made a mistake, and I'm prepared
to get your trust back and let's start again. But
if you don't say sorry, it builds, it builds, it builds,
and then chaos happens in workplace and home relationships.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Okay, so you have the courage to say sorry, tell
us diminishing language, though that can cheapen the apology, I'm
guessing so much.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
So even when we say to people, I hope you
take something away from this segment. We're already diminishing our
segment because maybe they will, maybe they won't, So you know,
kind of sort of, I hope, I hope I've helped you.
I hope. It's just not okay. It's really important to
use really strong affirmative language to say I admit it,
I own it, and I'm genuinely sorry. That's the next question.
What should we be saying instead, So instead of the
(03:26):
kind of and make believes it should be I am
genuinely sorry, let's work on this and fix it out.
I have mucked up, I genuinely and when you start
looking at the things on the screen, I want to
work this out. I want us to get better in
this space because it's not okay that I've done this
and I've hurt you.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Yeah, that wasn't okay. I know, upset. I'm so sorry
I ever reacted to that.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
I was wrong to do that.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
I was wrong to do that over reactions quite Do
you have an activity for Itty? You know I love
these activities and this is one where you have forgot
to give Chris birthday cake. So we've asked you to
go on by birthday cake for Chris. Yes, you've walked
in this morning and you just haven't bought it.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
For your birthday.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
It's activity. I'm so sorry. Yeah, like you didn't bring
the cake. Not go, Chris. I'm really sorry.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
I forgot your birthday cake today, but any cash didn't
give me any money to buy it, and I wasn't
going to buy it myself.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
But I'm really.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Sorry, and I'm sorry that I wasn't around on the
weekend to help your dog who went to the vet
and Kylie had to pay full price. What I'm sorry that.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
However, however, if you weren't such a cheap skate, you
would have been able to pay for that vet bill yourself.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Yeah, your blass, These stories are true.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I don't believe it's your birthday.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
It was last week.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Last week. You didn't remember it, did you?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
But that's true?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Is actually true? So shouldn't have me around on the weekend, Chris.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Thank you. You look like you're about to say something else.
I'm sorry I interrupted you. What did you want to say?
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Thanks, Carly, that's such a night. Yeah, let's do now.
Trust back again. I did want to say, however, and
but you use both of those in that language. So
you are not great apologizer than we're doing this all
again tomorrow. We can just be vulnerable, have courage, and
be honest and open and realized.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
She'll use it against me though, So just you gotta
understand it needs a cave Everything needs a caveat you
read me.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Chris, and I'll give you the script before you have
to start.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
I think this is really important because when someone does
you feel better, if you've munked up, you actually feel
better saying I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Of course you do.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
I do do that with my husband quite a bit.
It's so sorry, I went off a bit. Just then
I'm sorry, that's it, And.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Then Tony's gonna be like, okay, I understand, thank you
for trusting me with that, and then we move on
as opposed to all up sorry HASHITAG quite good at it.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
It was also Tony's birthday
Well, we all make mistakes, so why is admitting when
we've messed up so difficult? Apologizing can be a challenge
for a number of reasons, including pride, fear of judgment,
and trouble accepting responsibility, but a good apology can make
or break a.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Personal or professional relationship.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, i'm sorry,
I'm sorry.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Well, i'm sorry too. It might look easy on the
big screen, guys, but sorry really does seem to be
the hardest word in the real world. And while we
can't undo what's been said or done, it can go
a long way to helping the healing process.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Communications and behavior expert Crasine effect there is here to
break it all down for us.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Hello, Gris, Hello.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Why do apologies matter?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
And why do we all need to be better at it?
Me including we always need to be better at apologizing.
And the crazy thing is is apologies are important because
it helps us heal and it earns our trust back.
And what the data suggests is when you're angry and
when you need to forgive, forty percent of the time,
if you can apologize, the anger goes down and the
(01:07):
forgiveness increases. So it's really really important, and not just
saying I'm sorry and moving on. That doesn't cut it anymore.
You don't mean it. You've got to really mean it.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Part of meaning it in what it's the timing and
the body language. Yes, you deliver it.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
With so as soon as you know you've mucked up,
say sorry straight away, and that's really important. And the
way you say sorry, eye contact, leaning in, really listening,
listen to learn, listen to engage, and more importantly, have
an open body language. Don't sit here and go i'm
sorry just like that. It needs to be owned by
you and you cannot be passive when you are saying sorry,
(01:40):
So not i'm sorry, hashtag sorry not sorry, or I'm
sorry smiley face or I'm solily lost.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
I've written here, but i'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
But if no one takes anything else away from today
other than that, because everything before the butt is bes
you know, I'm sorry full stop, and people go, oh,
I can't argue back at that because you said I
am sorry, and then making sure you validate their feelings.
But don't even say i'm sorry you felt that way.
That doesn't validate anything. It's like, tell me what you're feeling.
And let me help with you behaving.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Because when you say that, you're putting it back on
the other person, saying it's kind of your fault. I'm
sorry if I offended you like you're too sensitive and
offended you, you should be just sorry, right, I'm sorry,
full stop.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
You don't say I'm sorry, however, not however.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
I'm going to watch your math out with sorry, Chris.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
You know what separates an apology from a real sorry?
Like why if some people find it hard to admit
that they're wrong.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
Because they feel like they've let someone down, it's also
about pride, and it's also about ego. Oh if I
say I'm sorry, I've become really vulnerable. But it's having
that vulnerability and that courage to ensure that people say,
I get that you've made a mistake, and I'm prepared
to get your trust back and let's start again. But
if you don't say sorry, it builds, it builds, it builds,
and then chaos happens in workplace and home relationships.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Okay, so you have the courage to say sorry, tell
us diminishing language, though that can cheapen the apology, I'm
guessing so much.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
So even when we say to people, I hope you
take something away from this segment. We're already diminishing our
segment because maybe they will, maybe they won't, So you know,
kind of sort of, I hope, I hope I've helped you.
I hope. It's just not okay. It's really important to
use really strong affirmative language to say I admit it,
I own it, and I'm genuinely sorry. That's the next question.
What should we be saying instead, So instead of the
(03:26):
kind of and make believes it should be I am
genuinely sorry, let's work on this and fix it out.
I have mucked up, I genuinely and when you start
looking at the things on the screen, I want to
work this out. I want us to get better in
this space because it's not okay that I've done this
and I've hurt you.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Yeah, that wasn't okay. I know, upset. I'm so sorry
I ever reacted to that.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
I was wrong to do that.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
I was wrong to do that over reactions quite Do
you have an activity for Itty? You know I love
these activities and this is one where you have forgot
to give Chris birthday cake. So we've asked you to
go on by birthday cake for Chris. Yes, you've walked
in this morning and you just haven't bought it.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
For your birthday.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
It's activity. I'm so sorry. Yeah, like you didn't bring
the cake. Not go, Chris. I'm really sorry.
Speaker 1 (04:20):
I forgot your birthday cake today, but any cash didn't
give me any money to buy it, and I wasn't
going to buy it myself.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
But I'm really.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Sorry, and I'm sorry that I wasn't around on the
weekend to help your dog who went to the vet
and Kylie had to pay full price. What I'm sorry that.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
However, however, if you weren't such a cheap skate, you
would have been able to pay for that vet bill yourself.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Yeah, your blass, These stories are true.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
I don't believe it's your birthday.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
It was last week.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Last week. You didn't remember it, did you?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
But that's true?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
Is actually true? So shouldn't have me around on the weekend, Chris.
Speaker 1 (04:56):
Thank you. You look like you're about to say something else.
I'm sorry I interrupted you. What did you want to say?
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Thanks, Carly, that's such a night. Yeah, let's do now.
Trust back again. I did want to say, however, and
but you use both of those in that language. So
you are not great apologizer than we're doing this all
again tomorrow. We can just be vulnerable, have courage, and
be honest and open and realized.
Speaker 3 (05:17):
She'll use it against me though, So just you gotta
understand it needs a cave Everything needs a caveat you
read me.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Chris, and I'll give you the script before you have
to start.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
I think this is really important because when someone does
you feel better, if you've munked up, you actually feel
better saying I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Of course you do.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
I do do that with my husband quite a bit.
It's so sorry, I went off a bit. Just then
I'm sorry, that's it, And.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Then Tony's gonna be like, okay, I understand, thank you
for trusting me with that, and then we move on
as opposed to all up sorry HASHITAG quite good at it.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
It was also Tony's birthday
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