ASK UNCUT: "I'm 6 weeks post-partum and my husband is worried we've lost our 'spark'?"

Every week, Britt & Laura take on your deepest, darkest dilemmas and unpack them (and HOPEFULLY come up with an answer for you). 

Emily joins us this week, 6 week post-partum and worried about losing the 'spark' her relationship had pre-kids. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:10):
I Heard podcasts, Hear more Kiss podcast playlist and listen
live on the free iHeart app. Matt, it's Thursday. Guess
what time it is.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
I know the answer to this question because it's my
favorite segment. It's time for ask on Cats.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yeah, this is what we do, Laura and I. I say,
we on our podcast live on cut podcast every single
week where people writing the biggest problems that they have
something they need a little bit of a helping hand with.
And it's good that we've got you for a little while, Matt,
because a bit of a male opinion. Usually it's just
been my female.

Speaker 2 (00:40):
Oh I'm not very smart.

Speaker 1 (00:42):
You don't have to be smart.

Speaker 3 (00:44):
Sorry?

Speaker 1 (00:45):
Is that the right answer? Is that what I was
supposed to say?

Speaker 2 (00:48):
Thank you, I'll take it.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
Hey, we have Emily on the line today. Emily is
talking postpartum. Hey, and welcome to the show. What's going on?

Speaker 3 (00:56):
So my partner and I had a baby about six
weeks ago, or I had the baby more to the point, congratulations,
well done, thank you, everything going well, but now we're
getting to a six week mark. My partner has I
wouldn't say he's been too harsh about it, but he
has said that he feels that the spark has been

(01:18):
lost because we're no longer intimate for the time being.

Speaker 1 (01:21):
Well, I'm your six weeks postpartum.

Speaker 3 (01:25):
Yeah, so I don't know. I'm very frustrated by it.
I mean, six weeks is basically when they're like, don't
have intercourse. But I'm just not feeling ready and just
him complaining about just makes me feel so bad.

Speaker 1 (01:39):
I mean, I know what I want to say here,
but it's probably not very diplomatic. On radio, Matt, you
give a male opinion. You guys have actually in this position.
You guys had Poppy what a month ago?

Speaker 2 (01:49):
I think it's four or five months.

Speaker 1 (01:51):
No, four weeks.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
It's not important about me and Poppy. Let's not get
half of those details, Brittany. But I've had three children, Emma,
and one thing that I now appreciate is that there
is no spark between ever gets the two partners. When
you have a child in the mix, it's just it's unavoidable.
The spark will dwindle. And that is such a normal

(02:13):
part of having a newborn in the mix because you
can't focus on each other. You're trying to keep this
baby alive, and this baby is just sucking the life
out of you. It's been sucking the life out of
even nine months now, it's continuing to do that outside
the womb. It's really bloody hard, and I think your
husband needs to appreciate that the spark will be gone
for a period of time, but then it will come back.

(02:34):
But you have to be really patient and in the meantime,
whilst you're waiting for that spark to be reignited, just
make sure you're keeping that house as clean as possible.
You're cooking as much food as you can.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
And this is where I kick Matt off the show. Sorry,
you talk about Emily doing that or the husband. You're
making it sound like Emily needs to keep.

Speaker 2 (02:52):
Him happy, and come on, if anyone to clarify it.

Speaker 1 (02:57):
And I just looked at each other and thought, well,
this is where.

Speaker 2 (03:00):
No, I'm talking about the husband. Emma relaxed. This is
not for you. You put your feet up, you make
sure you keep that baby alive and healthy. This is
for the husband. He needs to make sure. Yes, specifically,
the husband needs to make sure the house is clean.
He should be doing all of that work himself.

Speaker 1 (03:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (03:16):
Look, I feel much the same because this is our
first baby. So that's why I just wasn't sure what
sort of direction I should be taking, Like you don't
know what you don't know, But what I do know
is get the hell off of.

Speaker 1 (03:28):
Me, exactly. And I think at the end of the day,
it comes down to you. Sorry, it doesn't come down
to him. Like you're the one whose body has changed,
your hormones have changed. You're not sleeping, you are literally
physically feeding a baby and keeping it alive. It's not
cool to be making you feel bad. And I know
he's probably not intentionally doing that, but maybe you just
need to sit down and explain to him and say,
this will happen when it happens. But like I am

(03:49):
hanging on for dear life here.

Speaker 2 (03:51):
But just know there is not one couple out there
in the first few months that is going, ooh, let's
do it. That spark is there, This is great, Like
you've just.

Speaker 1 (03:59):
Had a baby come out of your body, the last
thing you wanted something else going in there.

Speaker 3 (04:03):
Yeah, exactly. Maybe I just need to tell his mother
and she can deal with him.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
Yeah, that's also option that I was about to say,
all right on that, No, good luck, congratulations. If anything,
you can go and find his exact chat on demand,
like search the pickup and you can play him this
back play your husband this conversation where you can hear
Maddy Jay saying this.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
If he's not listening to just give him my number
as well. I don't worry.

Speaker 3 (04:27):
That'd be great. Thank you so much, guys, I appreciate it.

Speaker 2 (04:29):
Thanks Sam,