Every week, Britt & Laura take on your deepest, darkest dilemmas and unpack them (and HOPEFULLY come up with an answer for you).
Jess joins the show to chat about her ex-best friend who bailed on being a bridesmaid a couple of weeks before the wedding and hasn't spoken to her in 18 months. Should she forgive her?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I heard podcasts Heem More Kiss podcast playlist and listen
live on the free iHeart app. Now it is Thursday,
which means it's time for us Gun Cut, where you
guys call in with your deep at darkest, biggest dilemmas
and we do our best to answer them. We do
this on our podcast Life on Cut every week and
we have Jessica on the phone. Jessica, what is your
(00:30):
big dilemma?
Speaker 2 (00:31):
So my child was best friend of thirty years decided
to pull out as a bridesmaid super close to our
wedding last year and we haven't spoken in eighteen months.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Oh wow, so she didn't come to the wedding at all?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Then, well that was the thing. She said, she couldn't
support me as a bridesmaid, but she could still come
to the wedding. I was really I was really conflicted.
I was like, how can you support me not standing
up there, but you can still support me at the wedding.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Did she come to the wedding at all? Or you
said don't worry no.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
I ended up. I had this really big conversation with
my mum. Because they're from small towns, everyone's friended everyone,
and my mum really wanted me to forgive her an
invite to the wedding, and I said, no, I couldn't.
And it's still mine of my mum's topic of conversation
most week.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
What was the what was the reasoning that she gave
you when she pulled out of being a bridesmaid.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
She never really gave me a reason. She just said, Oh,
I just don't think I'm in the right place to
do it right now. And she'd gone through a divorce herself,
and I just thought, oh, it must be really hard
for her, Like, of course, that's fine. Do you think
it got deeper and deeper? And yeah, do you.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Think it has anything to do with like funds? You know,
like sometimes weddings for bridesmaids and stuff are really expensive
if you're doing hens and then you're doing dresses and
maybe this travel, Like do you think I had anything
to do with money?
Speaker 2 (01:55):
I don't think so, Like I did say to her,
if money is an issue, like I'm so happy to
cover it, m and that was I paid for a
lot of their stuff anyways.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
So does she like her husband?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
She has had a bit of a problem with him
from the start.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
So maybe it comes down to that. Maybe she's like,
I just can't support this wedding for some reason.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Had there been any dramas closer to the wedding that
you know of, like as in they had they had
any disagreements or anything like.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
That, it never sort of came to a head, and like,
my husband is so lovely, and she just I think
when she went through her divorce, I was single. She
wanted to be single together, and then I ended up
meeting him, and then it sort of really disrupted her plans.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Mmmm, Okay, Look, I mean I feel like it's one
of those things where how do you feel without having
her in your life? Like is it you know, if
it's a friendship that you think about in you mourn over,
then I would say, yeah, like have a conversation with
her and rekindle the friendship and see if you guys
can get it back on track. But if you're actually
at a point in your life where you're like, do
you know what, My life is easier and happier and
(02:57):
it's less drama without her than I don't think you
have to be friends with everyone, even if they are
like a long standing childhood friend, just because you know,
it sounds like there's been a few things going on
behind the scenes as well, especially without the explanation.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Yeah, I agree with all of that. I don't feel
like I'm missing her in my life. But then I
look back and I'm like, I am sad that that
friendship did come to an end.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
I think there's this expectation that if you've been childhood friends,
that you know, just because you've been friends with twenty years,
that you have to maintain a friendship. Like there are
seasons and people can grow apart into different things. And
I think if you guys are actually fine and you
don't miss her or ned he, I know it sounds horrible,
but like we do have different friendships at different chapters
of our life. And I don't think if the only
(03:41):
reason your question if you need to go and repair
that is because your mum's telling you to, that's not
reason enough. And also, if this is what I think, right,
if you do go and repair that friendship, now, it's
not going back to what it was. This is always
going to be there. This is always going to be
there between you guys. It's always going to probably be
a little bit awkward and maybe even forced. I'd be
probably letting dead dogs lie The problem.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Is there were three of us in miss friendship, and
I'm still friends with the other one. All right, we've
just had a wedding and we saw each other at
the wedding and it's all very awkward and I know
they'll be like babies in the future.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Oh this is too messy for me. I'm not gone
back there.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
I think I think either you know, except that the
friendship is done and move on, or if you really
want some closure in it and the thing is not
so much closure, if you really want the friendship to
be something, I think that you know, having a conversation
around the why and the what happened kind of thing
and unpacking that might be worthwhile. But also, she doesn't
get along with your husband, good buddy luck. It just
(04:40):
sounds like a lot of drama. I would be.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
But you know what, Like, as much as I've just
said this, I'm thinking about it, I actually really want
to know why actually pulled out. I too, So maybe
maybe you can fake it so you want to repair
it to get the info and then be like.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Same time, I'm like, no, I'm done with this.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, you don't need the drama.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
I think it's too much.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Yeah, Park that one. You need a new triangle friend
and you'll be okay.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
You need a new third problem one day. I would
love to know why. Yeah. I also I don't want
to yep, not enough to bring something up with it.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Yeah, Jessica, thanks so much for the call.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
That's okay, Thanks for having me
I heard podcasts Heem More Kiss podcast playlist and listen
live on the free iHeart app. Now it is Thursday,
which means it's time for us Gun Cut, where you
guys call in with your deep at darkest, biggest dilemmas
and we do our best to answer them. We do
this on our podcast Life on Cut every week and
we have Jessica on the phone. Jessica, what is your
(00:30):
big dilemma?
Speaker 2 (00:31):
So my child was best friend of thirty years decided
to pull out as a bridesmaid super close to our
wedding last year and we haven't spoken in eighteen months.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Oh wow, so she didn't come to the wedding at all?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Then, well that was the thing. She said, she couldn't
support me as a bridesmaid, but she could still come
to the wedding. I was really I was really conflicted.
I was like, how can you support me not standing
up there, but you can still support me at the wedding.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
Did she come to the wedding at all? Or you
said don't worry no.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
I ended up. I had this really big conversation with
my mum. Because they're from small towns, everyone's friended everyone,
and my mum really wanted me to forgive her an
invite to the wedding, and I said, no, I couldn't.
And it's still mine of my mum's topic of conversation
most week.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
What was the what was the reasoning that she gave
you when she pulled out of being a bridesmaid.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
She never really gave me a reason. She just said, Oh,
I just don't think I'm in the right place to
do it right now. And she'd gone through a divorce herself,
and I just thought, oh, it must be really hard
for her, Like, of course, that's fine. Do you think
it got deeper and deeper? And yeah, do you.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Think it has anything to do with like funds? You know,
like sometimes weddings for bridesmaids and stuff are really expensive
if you're doing hens and then you're doing dresses and
maybe this travel, Like do you think I had anything
to do with money?
Speaker 2 (01:55):
I don't think so, Like I did say to her,
if money is an issue, like I'm so happy to
cover it, m and that was I paid for a
lot of their stuff anyways.
Speaker 3 (02:02):
So does she like her husband?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
She has had a bit of a problem with him
from the start.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
So maybe it comes down to that. Maybe she's like,
I just can't support this wedding for some reason.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Had there been any dramas closer to the wedding that
you know of, like as in they had they had
any disagreements or anything like.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
That, it never sort of came to a head, and like,
my husband is so lovely, and she just I think
when she went through her divorce, I was single. She
wanted to be single together, and then I ended up
meeting him, and then it sort of really disrupted her plans.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Mmmm, Okay, Look, I mean I feel like it's one
of those things where how do you feel without having
her in your life? Like is it you know, if
it's a friendship that you think about in you mourn over,
then I would say, yeah, like have a conversation with
her and rekindle the friendship and see if you guys
can get it back on track. But if you're actually
at a point in your life where you're like, do
you know what, My life is easier and happier and
(02:57):
it's less drama without her than I don't think you
have to be friends with everyone, even if they are
like a long standing childhood friend, just because you know,
it sounds like there's been a few things going on
behind the scenes as well, especially without the explanation.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Yeah, I agree with all of that. I don't feel
like I'm missing her in my life. But then I
look back and I'm like, I am sad that that
friendship did come to an end.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
I think there's this expectation that if you've been childhood friends,
that you know, just because you've been friends with twenty years,
that you have to maintain a friendship. Like there are
seasons and people can grow apart into different things. And
I think if you guys are actually fine and you
don't miss her or ned he, I know it sounds horrible,
but like we do have different friendships at different chapters
of our life. And I don't think if the only
(03:41):
reason your question if you need to go and repair
that is because your mum's telling you to, that's not
reason enough. And also, if this is what I think, right,
if you do go and repair that friendship, now, it's
not going back to what it was. This is always
going to be there. This is always going to be
there between you guys. It's always going to probably be
a little bit awkward and maybe even forced. I'd be
probably letting dead dogs lie The problem.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Is there were three of us in miss friendship, and
I'm still friends with the other one. All right, we've
just had a wedding and we saw each other at
the wedding and it's all very awkward and I know
they'll be like babies in the future.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Oh this is too messy for me. I'm not gone
back there.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:18):
I think I think either you know, except that the
friendship is done and move on, or if you really
want some closure in it and the thing is not
so much closure, if you really want the friendship to
be something, I think that you know, having a conversation
around the why and the what happened kind of thing
and unpacking that might be worthwhile. But also, she doesn't
get along with your husband, good buddy luck. It just
(04:40):
sounds like a lot of drama. I would be.
Speaker 3 (04:42):
But you know what, Like, as much as I've just
said this, I'm thinking about it, I actually really want
to know why actually pulled out. I too, So maybe
maybe you can fake it so you want to repair
it to get the info and then be like.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Same time, I'm like, no, I'm done with this.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
Yeah, you don't need the drama.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
I think it's too much.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Yeah, Park that one. You need a new triangle friend
and you'll be okay.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
You need a new third problem one day. I would
love to know why. Yeah. I also I don't want
to yep, not enough to bring something up with it.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Yeah, Jessica, thanks so much for the call.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
That's okay, Thanks for having me
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