September 18, 2025 • 5 mins
Every week, Britt & Laura take on your deepest, darkest dilemmas and unpack them (and HOPEFULLY come up with an answer for you).
Emma is in a dilemma - her husband's best friend has been messaging his ex VERY inappropriately. Does she tell his partner?
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hi Heart podcasts, heem More Kiss podcast playlist and listen
live on the free iHeart app.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Would you ask uncut where we're just like, I don't know.
We're therapists to people that are going through something really hard.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
I mean, very unqualified therapists. Unlike real therapists. We'll just
give you advice. Well, look irrelevant. We're here to help. Today.
We have an Emma on the line and am I is.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Going through a bit of a predicament on cheating in
her friend's circle. And like, if you find out some
information that someone you know is doing the dirty, do
you tell them?
Speaker 3 (00:39):
So, Hi Emma, welcome to the show.
Speaker 4 (00:41):
Hi Emma, lady, Hey Jay.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Set this up for us. What's going on?
Speaker 4 (00:46):
Okay? So it's my husband's best friend and I know
for certain that he is messaging his ex girlfriend from
ten years ago saying that she was the one that
got away, his mom still talks about her, blah blah blah.
Oh god, And do I tell he's now partner that
(01:07):
he's been with for probably two years now and has
a kid with.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
How did you find out?
Speaker 4 (01:13):
She told me the ex girlfriend and told me and
sent me screenshots.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
So that's not fair. Though, So you've read them, is
it okay?
Speaker 4 (01:22):
Read them?
Speaker 3 (01:23):
In terms of level of inappropriateness?
Speaker 1 (01:25):
How far do you think he's crossed the line saying
you're the one that got away?
Speaker 3 (01:30):
It's pretty bad.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
And do you know what when even further? Like he'll
just like even the day after she told me, he
had messaged her again and she was like, oh my god,
another one just came through and like sent me the
screenshot of that too, Like any chance he gets, he's
trying to stoke up the conversation again. So, Emma, you're
still also has a partner in kids?
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Oh my god, what a journy? Is she running back?
Speaker 4 (01:51):
Yeah? But she was like pretty cold, like pretty uninterested.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
So Emma, you're still friends with her then? Obviously, so
she's sending you all the evidence. Now you're stuck in
the middle. What do you do with this information?
Speaker 4 (02:01):
Do you know what? I'm not really that good of
friends with her anymore, Like we haven't spoken in years
and years and years, but she just felt the need
that she had to tell somebody and like, I guess,
get it off her chest.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Do you think that his current partner has any inkling
that there is something like this? You think they're like
happy and wholesome and great.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
I don't know, because I think it's like a very
protected relationship, like no one really knows what goes on.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Have you told your husband?
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (02:26):
I couldn't wait to tell him.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Emma, what did he say? What was his response to this?
Speaker 4 (02:33):
He was laughing and he was like, not in a
vindictive way, just like shaking his heads, like he's like, mate,
this guy is never going to change, Like how is
he still up to the same old tricks all these
years later?
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Okay, here's a question. Then how close are you? Like?
Speaker 2 (02:48):
How good are friends are you with her? Like the
new very close zero? So it's not like you feel
like she's a.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Do you know what?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
It's so hard and I just I don't even really
know what advice to give you because if it was
me and my partner was cheating and messaging an X,
I would want someone to tell me.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
But having said that, I don't.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Know, you don't know she wants you to blow up
her life, like I've got a little kid. I'm guessing
a one year old because they've only been together two years.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Oh, I know, it's like what do you do with that?
You want to do?
Speaker 2 (03:14):
The right thing and say, hey, just so you know
he's doing the dirty But you also don't want to
be the one responsible for absolutely imploding their life. And
especially when you're not that close with her, it's sort
of like makes it a really awkward thing. If you
are really good friends with her own best friends with her,
I would be saying absolutely.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
I would have told her. Yeah, I wouldn't have hesitated
to tell her, But do I want to be the
reason that they've got? What if they stay together afterwards?
And then I'm always kind of like the working in
the room.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
I mean, the thing is, you're not the reason, regardless
of what you decide to do. I think it's very
important to know, like, you're not the reason. It's his
behavior that will be the reason. So if you decide
that you do want to tell her, would you ever
speak to him about it? Would you ever send the
messages to him and say, hey, you know, just so
you know, we all now know that this is what's
(04:02):
going on, or do you want to not kind of
involve him at all?
Speaker 4 (04:06):
I almost did. I spoke to him on the weekend.
It was right on the tip of my tongue and
I thought, oh, I don't even want to bring it
up with him because I don't want him to bite
my head off and then tell me to be quiet
about it or.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Am I almost think that you could, like if your
husband is that good friends with him, that they're best
friends and he's like, oh ha haa is never going
to change, like he knows his history, maybe your husband,
maybe you can ask your husband to say.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
Something, you know what. I did say that to him.
I was like, are you going to bring it up
with him that you know? And he was like, oh,
He's like, it's pretty funny that he's still the same
way that he always has been. And he's like, if
we do that, if we tell him that we know,
then we're just going to stop finding out about it.
He likes to ducing and tell what's going on because
he also doesn't really know the new misses that well,
(04:50):
so he doesn't really have that care factor there.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
He just sounds like an absolute flog of a person.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
I mean absolutely is yeah, And it's.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
So like the I think the worst part about this
is like you know, you know that your husband's best
friend is just an absolute flog, Like it's hard to
respect them, it's hard to hang out with them and
feel like you you know, you want even talk to
them or have anything in common with them.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
I think I've got it, guys, I think I've got it.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
No, it's gonna be like blackmail. So what you're gonna
do is go I think you go to him the Cheetah,
and you say, hey, look, I know what you've been doing.
I feel uncomfortable about it. I don't need to talk
to you about it. I don't want to hear about it.
I just want you to know that I know it
wasn't by choice. You need to talk to your partner
about it, or I'm going to And that way, he's
gonna have to bring it up with her because he
(05:33):
knows that you're going to do it.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
But then you don't have to be the one that
does it.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I disagree, Just go to her. That's so much more conflict.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Oh my god, he's gonna he's gonna blow.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
He will flip his lid at that because he got
caught out.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
Yeah, and he'll also change because you like you're like
a little bit less removed.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Yes, because you're not. Absolutely you're not doing it.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
It's a that's unonymous. That's it. That's enough for US
Hi Heart podcasts, heem More Kiss podcast playlist and listen
live on the free iHeart app.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Would you ask uncut where we're just like, I don't know.
We're therapists to people that are going through something really hard.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
I mean, very unqualified therapists. Unlike real therapists. We'll just
give you advice. Well, look irrelevant. We're here to help. Today.
We have an Emma on the line and am I is.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Going through a bit of a predicament on cheating in
her friend's circle. And like, if you find out some
information that someone you know is doing the dirty, do
you tell them?
Speaker 3 (00:39):
So, Hi Emma, welcome to the show.
Speaker 4 (00:41):
Hi Emma, lady, Hey Jay.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Set this up for us. What's going on?
Speaker 4 (00:46):
Okay? So it's my husband's best friend and I know
for certain that he is messaging his ex girlfriend from
ten years ago saying that she was the one that
got away, his mom still talks about her, blah blah blah.
Oh god, And do I tell he's now partner that
(01:07):
he's been with for probably two years now and has
a kid with.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
How did you find out?
Speaker 4 (01:13):
She told me the ex girlfriend and told me and
sent me screenshots.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
So that's not fair. Though, So you've read them, is
it okay?
Speaker 4 (01:22):
Read them?
Speaker 3 (01:23):
In terms of level of inappropriateness?
Speaker 1 (01:25):
How far do you think he's crossed the line saying
you're the one that got away?
Speaker 3 (01:30):
It's pretty bad.
Speaker 4 (01:30):
And do you know what when even further? Like he'll
just like even the day after she told me, he
had messaged her again and she was like, oh my god,
another one just came through and like sent me the
screenshot of that too, Like any chance he gets, he's
trying to stoke up the conversation again. So, Emma, you're
still also has a partner in kids?
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Oh my god, what a journy? Is she running back?
Speaker 4 (01:51):
Yeah? But she was like pretty cold, like pretty uninterested.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
So Emma, you're still friends with her then? Obviously, so
she's sending you all the evidence. Now you're stuck in
the middle. What do you do with this information?
Speaker 4 (02:01):
Do you know what? I'm not really that good of
friends with her anymore, Like we haven't spoken in years
and years and years, but she just felt the need
that she had to tell somebody and like, I guess,
get it off her chest.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Do you think that his current partner has any inkling
that there is something like this? You think they're like
happy and wholesome and great.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
I don't know, because I think it's like a very
protected relationship, like no one really knows what goes on.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
Have you told your husband?
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (02:26):
I couldn't wait to tell him.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
Emma, what did he say? What was his response to this?
Speaker 4 (02:33):
He was laughing and he was like, not in a
vindictive way, just like shaking his heads, like he's like, mate,
this guy is never going to change, Like how is
he still up to the same old tricks all these
years later?
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Okay, here's a question. Then how close are you? Like?
Speaker 2 (02:48):
How good are friends are you with her? Like the
new very close zero? So it's not like you feel
like she's a.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Do you know what?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
It's so hard and I just I don't even really
know what advice to give you because if it was
me and my partner was cheating and messaging an X,
I would want someone to tell me.
Speaker 3 (03:04):
But having said that, I don't.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Know, you don't know she wants you to blow up
her life, like I've got a little kid. I'm guessing
a one year old because they've only been together two years.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Oh, I know, it's like what do you do with that?
You want to do?
Speaker 2 (03:14):
The right thing and say, hey, just so you know
he's doing the dirty But you also don't want to
be the one responsible for absolutely imploding their life. And
especially when you're not that close with her, it's sort
of like makes it a really awkward thing. If you
are really good friends with her own best friends with her,
I would be saying absolutely.
Speaker 4 (03:30):
I would have told her. Yeah, I wouldn't have hesitated
to tell her, But do I want to be the
reason that they've got? What if they stay together afterwards?
And then I'm always kind of like the working in
the room.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
I mean, the thing is, you're not the reason, regardless
of what you decide to do. I think it's very
important to know, like, you're not the reason. It's his
behavior that will be the reason. So if you decide
that you do want to tell her, would you ever
speak to him about it? Would you ever send the
messages to him and say, hey, you know, just so
you know, we all now know that this is what's
(04:02):
going on, or do you want to not kind of
involve him at all?
Speaker 4 (04:06):
I almost did. I spoke to him on the weekend.
It was right on the tip of my tongue and
I thought, oh, I don't even want to bring it
up with him because I don't want him to bite
my head off and then tell me to be quiet
about it or.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Am I almost think that you could, like if your
husband is that good friends with him, that they're best
friends and he's like, oh ha haa is never going
to change, like he knows his history, maybe your husband,
maybe you can ask your husband to say.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
Something, you know what. I did say that to him.
I was like, are you going to bring it up
with him that you know? And he was like, oh,
He's like, it's pretty funny that he's still the same
way that he always has been. And he's like, if
we do that, if we tell him that we know,
then we're just going to stop finding out about it.
He likes to ducing and tell what's going on because
he also doesn't really know the new misses that well,
(04:50):
so he doesn't really have that care factor there.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
He just sounds like an absolute flog of a person.
Speaker 4 (04:54):
I mean absolutely is yeah, And it's.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
So like the I think the worst part about this
is like you know, you know that your husband's best
friend is just an absolute flog, Like it's hard to
respect them, it's hard to hang out with them and
feel like you you know, you want even talk to
them or have anything in common with them.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
I think I've got it, guys, I think I've got it.
Speaker 2 (05:12):
No, it's gonna be like blackmail. So what you're gonna
do is go I think you go to him the Cheetah,
and you say, hey, look, I know what you've been doing.
I feel uncomfortable about it. I don't need to talk
to you about it. I don't want to hear about it.
I just want you to know that I know it
wasn't by choice. You need to talk to your partner
about it, or I'm going to And that way, he's
gonna have to bring it up with her because he
(05:33):
knows that you're going to do it.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
But then you don't have to be the one that
does it.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I disagree, Just go to her. That's so much more conflict.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
Oh my god, he's gonna he's gonna blow.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
He will flip his lid at that because he got
caught out.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
Yeah, and he'll also change because you like you're like
a little bit less removed.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Yes, because you're not. Absolutely you're not doing it.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
It's a that's unonymous. That's it. That's enough for US
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