EXPERT: How to chat to your kids in the wake of a tragic event like the Bondi Shooting

Parenting expert Gen Muir joins the show to chat about how to have those all-important conversations with your kids in the wake of a tragic event like the Bondi Shooting. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Look, we are having a very big gear shift in
terms of the show and the conversations that we're having today,
and it's one that is so important for Australians and
for parents across the country. As you all know, there
was a horrific terrorist attack in Bondai on Sunday night
and there's been a few days now for people to process.

(00:20):
But I think what is happening, and I know this
because it's happening in our household as well, is how
do you have that conversation with your kids and how
do you figure out what is an age appropriate conversation
to have with children that protects them but also gives
them enough information so that they're not going to school
and finding out things or talking to their friends and

(00:42):
trying to piece this together without their support of the parents.

Speaker 2 (00:45):
Yeah, and I can't imagine how much of a difficult
conversation that is for parents, because how do you find
the middle ground. You can't keep it from them completely
because it will be out there and other kids will
be at school talking about it.

Speaker 1 (00:57):
Now, we are not experts on this, but we have
Jen Mura who's joining the show. Jen she's been a
part of the show before We've spoken to her about
whether or not you should let your kids do sleepovers,
and this is really a conversation as to whether like
and how you navigate these really difficult conversations with your kids.
The perfect person to talk about it, she's the author
of Little People, Big Feelings.

Speaker 2 (01:18):
Jen.

Speaker 3 (01:18):
Welcome to the show, Hi guys, And it's good timing.
You know, I had this chat with my poor boys
last night, and as a parent and as a parent educator,
I can tell you you know, I didn't feel super
confident that I had all the perfect words. It's the
conversation that none of us as parents ever want to
be having.

Speaker 1 (01:37):
How do you figure out what age appropriate information looks like?

Speaker 3 (01:42):
The biggest thing that we can do as parents is
begin with curiosity. So what you might always start with
is asking your kids have they heard anything about what
happened at BONDI? Have they been talking about it at school?
You know, just checking in with what kids know, because
that gives you a really good sense of what they
already know and where they're already at, and it gives

(02:02):
you a really good launching in place to sort of
start and then what you want to do. And this
is so hard as parents, keep it really honest and clear.
You want to be brief but reassuring, but you do
have to tell them facts. This is what happened, and
we want to reassure them that you know that the
police came, they caught the people, there's no more danger.

(02:23):
Those kind of things of what little kids need to know,
and for all the kids, you might need to hang
in there longer and really sort of talk about the
injustice of what happened to people who are celebrating Hunaker.

Speaker 2 (02:34):
And where's the line? How do you know what is
too much information to give them?

Speaker 3 (02:40):
I think if you're clear and direct and you've got
lots of pausing with kids, that can take them up
to eleven seconds, which is a really long pause in
a conversation for them to process and look, are they
looking for more? Are they looking for comfort? Do they
look sad? Or are they kind of going to turn
to you and say what's for dinner? Because kids sometimes
don't necessarily respond in the moment they got so yeah, okay, mom,

(03:00):
that's great, And it might be an hour later or
a week later they come back and they crawl onto
your lap and say, I'm feeling worried about you. Know
this thing we talked about, and so it's knowing that
this is an ongoing conversation where we're trying to say
to our kids, any emotion that you do have about
this is normal and the door is still open. You
can keep coming back to me, we can keep talking

(03:22):
about this and there's no silly questions.

Speaker 1 (03:24):
I think they're really hard thing as well is for
kids that are at that sort of teenager age. And
I know the laws are changing now with social media,
but so many kids are seeing stuff on social media
and it's almost the aftercare, like how do you have
the conversation then once they've seen things that may have
gone beyond what was age appropriate for them to see.

Speaker 3 (03:45):
Yeah, absolutely, and so we need to be having those
direct conversations. And as you say, even if kids don't
have a Snapchat account anymore, they still can get on
to social media and see some of that really violent
footage and once they've seen that, they can't unset it.
So it's really coming in and coming alongside our kids,
maybe in the car, side by side, and saying, hey,

(04:07):
you know, have you seen any footage of what happened?
And how does that make you feel that might have
been a really hard thing to see. We can't protect
our kids from every emotion, but what we can do
is make sure that they are not alone in those
emotions and they know that it doesn't matter what it is,
they can always come to us. We'll always be there
alongside the minute.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
Jen, thank you so much for coming and joining the show.
I know that there are so many parents across Australia
who are really grappling with these big conversations with their
kids at the moment, and having tools to know what
is the right thing to say or the wrong thing
to say is just so I mean, it's going to
be so helpful for so many people.

Speaker 3 (04:42):
The biggest thing I'd want parents to know is that
there is no wronger right, and the biggest thing we
can do is just sort of come in, be clumsy,
give it a go and focus on some of those
good stories of the doctors and the lifeguards because that
can help our kids so much as well.

Speaker 1 (04:57):
If you do want to get Gen's book, it is
called Little People, Big Feelings,