June 11, 2025 • 19 mins
ICYMI: Ben joins the show to chat wedding stuff, Genvieve Muir from Connected Parenting chats about how to navigate safe sleepovers with your kids and there's a certain wedding tradition that's apparently linked to higher rates of divorce.
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
I heard podcasts he More Kiss podcast playlist and listen
live on the Free I Hunt app.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Good Pickup with Britt Hockley and Laura.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Ben Bady Your work, our windows down, that's my world
rison the dust only good fabs are all down.
Speaker 4 (00:30):
I've done much, but yeah I'm not.
Speaker 5 (00:33):
I'll big get and what I want.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
It don't matter where.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
This is the pickup, Hi, guys, it's the pickup with
Britt Hockley and Laura Ben.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
How are we feeling? It's hump days?
Speaker 5 (00:45):
Mate?
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Today was It was a slow start, That's for sure,
But now I'm feeling good.
Speaker 5 (00:49):
I'm glad I'm here. Put it that way.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
Why was it a slow start?
Speaker 5 (00:52):
I woke up?
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Kids just can just be so irrational and like, I
feel like anytime I complain about mine, I need to
preface it with how much I love being a mom.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
I do, that's.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Every mom, but some parent has to say, like before I.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Have my complaint, I love my children you just like
some days are harder than others, and some some days
more like fulfilling with love than others. And this morning
was not one of those days. I woke up to Lola.
She's my four year old. She was crying in bed,
and I went in and she's been a bit six
so I was like, what's wrong, Sweedie, and that crying
stemmed for twenty minutes, where she, on repeat, said I
(01:25):
want to be awake, but I'm tired, and that went
over and over and over and she just couldn't She
physically couldn't get out of bed.
Speaker 5 (01:31):
Because she just I want to be awake.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
I want to be And I was like, Babe, you
are yelling at me and you're hitting me. That would
indicate that you were awake.
Speaker 5 (01:38):
You are well, You are well and truly awake.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
We were talking about this a bit earlier, but I.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Just think it's so funny when it transitions from everything
that you hate as a kid you really love as
an adult.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Like I just want to nap. I want to sleep.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
I want to be relaxed, horizontal, someone feed me, seeing
me nursery rhyme, tickle my head and put me to bed.
Speaker 4 (01:56):
That's like my dream.
Speaker 5 (01:57):
I was like, baby, you can stay in bed for
a little while and rest. I don't want to rest.
I wish i'd gotten the audio of it.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
It was so irrational and unreasonable, and I was like,
you know what, I gotta go to work.
Speaker 5 (02:07):
This is Dad's problem.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Dad.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Hey, if you guys did miss it earlier this week
I get married.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
I am married.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
I am a missus secret officially I will stay Missus Hockley.
Speaker 4 (02:20):
But Ben my husband, he's in Australia. He came on
the show on Monday.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
But because some of you lucky ducks had a public holiday,
so you weren't in the car, you weren't at work,
we had a bunch of people slidding too, the DM
saying they missed the chat and they wanted to hear
it again. So we are going to replace some of
that after the break, and it was very funny. We
did definitely have a few mishaps on the day of
the wedding.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
I mean when I'm blaming Ben basically, to.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Be fair, the only person that you can be like
thankful for that that wedding actually came together.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
It's to yourself and.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
My wedding planner, and you know, and Ben showed up
and he did his part by saying I.
Speaker 5 (02:53):
Do so well done.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
You know, we barely showed up in time. No, there's
a lot going on anyway. I love your band. After
the break, will you hear all about it.
Speaker 5 (03:01):
Ben, welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Thanks guys, good to see you again.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
How do you feel as a husband.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
Let's really let's get into the highlights. How are you
feeling as a husband.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (03:13):
Same, really but we had incredible time, so really really happy,
a little bit tired.
Speaker 5 (03:18):
Yeah, do you know what I do want to know? Ben?
I heard that you showed up to.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Your own wedding without any pants to wear. It to
said wedding. You had a year to organize a suit
and it was the one thing that brit was constantly
fearful about, and come said wedding day, somebody didn't have pants.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
Before I let him speak, Ben, I just want to
set it up.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Not only did he have a year, he left it
until the last week before the wedding and I had
to still organize it for him.
Speaker 4 (03:46):
So his job was just to get dressed. So talk
to us about how that went.
Speaker 6 (03:51):
Ben, Yes, my pants shrunk, which is not ideal when
your legs are the size of my legs, but.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
It was all fine. Nobody noticed.
Speaker 6 (04:00):
I'm not sure how you got this information because it
was very secrets with my groomsmen.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
But yes, there were some safety pins in my pants.
Speaker 6 (04:08):
But it's all fine, nobody got stung. Nobody knows, just except.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
For you, Laura.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
We want to know, and we need to set this up.
You can't just say my pants trunk.
Speaker 5 (04:16):
It's not like Doctor Doolittle.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
Or whatever that show was, I honey, I shrunk the kids.
Speaker 5 (04:20):
Sorry, really different shows that.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
Okay, let me set this up.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
Ben decided to wear his wedding suit the week before
to someone else's wedding and.
Speaker 6 (04:28):
I said, baby, efficient, Swiss efficiency.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
I said, baby, let's maybe like save the wedding suit
for the big day and get you a different suit.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
No, Ben, just onto road test and I like that.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
He goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, just fine,
it's Fine's fine anyway.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
He gets it dirty. We get to BALI.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
I said, you have to dry clean this suit three
days in advance, because that's how long it takes. Do
not forget to give it to the hotel and send
it off, babe, please, I've got this. So two days
before the wedding, I say, hey, did you dry clean
the suit? He's like, I forgot. He goes to try
and do it and he's like, babe, problem. They say
it's going to take three days. I said, I know, Ben.
The weddings in two days, so Ben starts splashing money around.
(05:04):
Someone eventually says, I'll do it. He gets the suit
back an hour before we're supposed to walk down. He
can't get it on because it's like it's like jeggings.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Did you check it, like when it came back from
the Balinese dry cleaner?
Speaker 5 (05:17):
Did you think I might look at this?
Speaker 6 (05:19):
I had my shirt cleaned as well, but it's my
backup shirt, and I thought, Okay, everything's in order, brilliant,
done it, but it's going to be happy super And
once I actually looked at them put them on, I
was like, they're not my pants.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
They're too small.
Speaker 5 (05:31):
They didn't fit.
Speaker 6 (05:31):
They didn't fit, so yeah, I had to stretch them
out a little bit and add emergency length.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
It's like so like add length to the bottom.
Speaker 6 (05:39):
Twenty minutes before we walked down the aist, I had
the tailor come in.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
So it's all done.
Speaker 6 (05:43):
We're all done at about five centimeters added. And I
think the wedding planner came to measure my waist and
my jeans to buy a backup.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Pants pants, so he couldn't get the zipper up either,
So I did.
Speaker 5 (05:55):
I did see. I mean, I had a pretty front
row seat.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Where are you looking?
Speaker 1 (05:59):
And I see that your pants were safety pin together
at the fire you couldn't tell that they were safety
pin but the zipper wasn't zippering. At that point, I
was like, something's going on.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Zipper was stuck and there was no way to unstuck them.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
So his one job of just putting the pants on
somehow managed to end up with you having no pants
that fit their skin tight, they're done up with safety pins.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
It was you that was authentically me.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
You really kick started your responsibilities.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
You did make it, and you did look amazing. Actually, Ben,
you looked amazing Britney. You also looked amazing. Very important.
I know that how much effort went into what you
were wearing.
Speaker 5 (06:37):
Ben. Not only was it the.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Zipper and the pants, but also five days beforehand we
discovered that your ring didn't fit you either, which had
to be completely remade from scratch in five days.
Speaker 5 (06:46):
So like I love with all the time.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
That you had between you guys to get this organized, Ben,
you were.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
The week it really were.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
I mean, is that any surprise? Really? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:56):
No, But to be fair and it's absolutely no surprise.
The wedding was incredible. It was like it was out
of a movie or a fairy tale. It was really
the most beautiful wedding that I think I've ever seen.
Speaker 5 (07:09):
I would can't mind in that as well.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
It was stunning at your wedding, it was amazing.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
It was like I say, went off without a hitch.
There were hitches. Did our photographer cancel five days before?
Speaker 3 (07:20):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Did our ring not work? We wasted it? Yes? Did
you have pants?
Speaker 5 (07:23):
No?
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Did our cake turn up like something we didn't order?
And it was burnt little crispy breakfast. Yes, there were
things that happened. But at the end of the day,
I married the love of my life with or without pants.
I was taking you anyway, Ben, So it was spectacular.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
Now, Britt, you.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Might remember a few weeks back we were speaking about
there's kind of been this real change and shift in
perceptions around letting your kids sleep over at people's houses.
And there's a debate that's been happening online as to whether, firstly,
what is the right age, and as to whether it's
the right thing for your kids' safety to let them
sleep over at friends' houses. And it's an interesting one
(08:04):
because we talked about it. It blew up on socials.
I don't know how I feel about it as a
mum to two little girls, because I have seen some
truly harrowing stories that have been shared on social media
about horrible things that have happened on sleepovers. But I
also know that it's kind of like a rite of
passage for kids, and we all did it as kids
and it's some of the best memories, even though you
(08:26):
come back tired and no one slept, and like you know,
also has a downside.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
You know what, I the only thing I'll quickly had
to this before because I know it's serious.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
But my best friend reminded me on the weekend.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
We've been best friends for thirty years and we used
to say each other's house all the time.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
She's like, remember how every time.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
We'd have a sleepover, you'd only come if you liked
what we had for dinner, Like I used to say eating.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
She's like, want to save tonight and I was like,
what's for dinner? I was like eight? She told me
if I did like it, I wouldn't go.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
I like that you had strong boundaries even as an
eight year old, did I knew what I wanted well?
Speaker 5 (08:55):
Look, it really did blow up on socials.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
So many people were discussing the fore and against it.
There's a lot of families who are kind of taking
the rout now of not letting their kids go to sleepovers.
Speaker 5 (09:05):
But then there's also.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
People who think that maybe we're wrapping our kids too
much cotton wool. Someone who did slide into our DMS
is Genevieve Mua now Jen Is. She's an Obstretix social
worker and she also has the business connected parenting, and
it was really nice to chat to someone who actually
has insight into this. Not only does she have four
boys herself, but she's helped a lot of parents across
(09:26):
the country manage what is a great way of finding
a middle ground in this, Jen, welcome to the show.
Speaker 7 (09:32):
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Guys, Jen, I'm assuming the middle ground isn't asking what
they've got for dinner.
Speaker 7 (09:39):
I love that though, that is brilliant. I'm asking that next,
so I get asked on the sleepover for sure?
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Do you think that this is not something that parents
should be particularly concerned about or.
Speaker 5 (09:48):
Do you feel as though.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
That maybe there has been I guess a bit of
fear mungering happening online and on social media at the
moment around this whole sleepover debate.
Speaker 7 (09:58):
I think it's hard to be a parent in general.
These days. We have so much information about what's good
for kids and what is a risk for kids. Yeah,
from everything from how we should be seed in them,
how we keep them safe, how we educate them. There's
so much pressure. One of the things that I think
is a good thing, right is there's been a massive
social change in our understanding of what the risk to
(10:18):
kids are. And we now know that when it comes
to those risks or when things happen to kids that
we would like to protect them from, ninety percent of
the time that happens at the hands of someone we
know and trust. Now that's why the sleepover thing has
become an issue. Now think back to the old days
where we thought the risk was strangers and that's what
we want kids about, and we now know how we
(10:41):
had that wrong. So I love that parents have access
to the right information now about how to protect their kids.
You know, we could say that's no sleepovers ever, but
we let our kids go online where so many similar
tricky things can happen online. Right, So what we really
want to do is start to have a sense of well,
who is my kid? Where are they going? So how
(11:03):
well do I know that family? In terms of my kids,
I'm looking for certain levels of skill. Is my child
at an age where they absolutely know they could come
to me if they felt uncomfortable they got asked to
go home? Could they communicate that if they needed to?
If my child has those skills, if I have someone
in my life where I really trust and I've known
(11:23):
them for a while, then that's a really different thing
than if they don't have those skills.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
But I guess it's not particularly an age thing then
is it? Because kids all develop a different ages and phases.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
You know?
Speaker 1 (11:33):
I would say that some kids have those communication skills
earlier than others.
Speaker 7 (11:38):
Absolutely, And with my four boys, there was one that
I was a lot later in letting him go for
his first sleepover simply because he actually had a delay
with his speech. He was not a kid that would
speak up. He was really kind of quiet by nature,
really struggled to put his hand up in class and
say what he needed. I wasn't going to send him
off because he'd never be able to speak up. So
(12:00):
it's kind of about looking at who we've got, but
also who we've got in our lives, and I want
to kind of acknowledge they'd be single parents that do
not have an option if they're doing shipwork, then to
have sometimes the village step in and support them. We
might have great relatives and grandparents, we might have really
close family friends that we've known and we intimately know
really well. So I think it's also about every situation
(12:23):
is different, but it's sort of knowing who we've got.
But the final thing that we can all do from
a really young age, and that is really talk openly
and honestly to your kids about a couple of key things.
One is you know the normal names of body parts
and kind of making sure we have open and honest
conversations about those things. Teaching our kids things like you
(12:45):
don't have to hug your uncle if you don't want to,
you can give them a halfh five. So that's body
autonomy and having a sense of that stuff from a
really young age. And the final thing, and I think
this matters more than anything else, there is nothing you
could ever do or say that would make me love
you less. There's nothing you can't tell me. I will
always believe you, and that one you have to keep
(13:05):
saying from the beginning all the way through. You know,
at sixteen, we're still saying the same thing. You're going
out tonight. There is nothing that could happen or that
you could do where you can't call me and I
wouldn't be there on your side to help you.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Jen out of curiosity, how old are your kids when
you let them sleep over at people's houses?
Speaker 7 (13:24):
So look really different ages depending on the child. But
like I think if we were to say like a
good age in general, I think it's probably somewhere upwards
of maybe eight ish, Like it's somewhere around there that
I think, depending on the child. And again, kids are
going to be so different. For one of my kids,
(13:45):
he was that little bit older. He just wasn't ready.
And for some kids that might be younger, it might
be from six that you have a good friend and
there's a really great thing going on. I know there's
been some guidelines put out by the government where they're
saying from about eleven. I think that's quite old myself,
because most kids will go on their first school camp
(14:06):
at around eleven, and I kind of think some experience
in a way that is safe. It's probably good for kids.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yeah, I mean you don't think about that too. I
remember going on school camp lucky. My mom never really
let us stay at people's houses, but they always say
to ours, so I was kind of used to the
sleepover environment.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Got ours everywhere I did was shipping me out.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
I didn't know your mum also had four kids, and
she was like, just get one of them out of
the house.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
That kids, and they were all working. They were like,
find a friend today, somewhere else.
Speaker 5 (14:35):
Thanking so much, Jen, thanks for joining the show.
Speaker 7 (14:38):
Absolute pleasure.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Guys, we Laura are in a bit of a wedding
fever at the moment.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
I promise it will die down, but.
Speaker 5 (14:45):
I don't think it will. It's been over a year now, but.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
For me, I only got married a week ago, so,
like my algorithm online is still very heavy wedding related.
Everything about weddings and this is not science, but they're
going to found a new indicator of divorce from a wedding.
So if you go to a wedding, you might have
seen like this old school tradition where people smash the
cake into the bride's face, like the groom they cut
(15:10):
the cake it's cute photos videos, and then the groom
picks up a chunk of cake and smash it in
the bride's face.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
I've seen this trending on socials at the moment because
I've definitely been to a wedding where both the bride
and groom did it to each other.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
Yeah, and that was cute.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
It was cute they did it, they were wanting to
do it to each other. They were both consenting. There's
been a few that have gone and circulated around socials
at the moment where like the man grabs the back
of the his bride's head and shoves a whole face
Like imagine sitting there getting your hair, makeup and everything
done for hours, only to have your entire head dumped
into a three der cake.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
Yeah, and then you see all the ones that are
like not just not consenting, but the ones that end
in injury.
Speaker 4 (15:49):
And that's actually the one I'm going to talk about today.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
There's one particularly viral real that's going There's a thread
on Reddit, but a man smashes the cake into his
bride's face, but with a fork, like it was like
he'd obviously scooped it up on a fork, puts it
into her face and the fork comes through and cuts
her lip like through.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
The cake, so all of a sudden she bleeding. She's
it's a whole thing.
Speaker 5 (16:10):
Stabbed it with a form.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
You'll literally stabbed your wife.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
With a fork. But there are other ones too, like
a lot of cakes. And this is something that I
learned only just getting married. You know, all these huge,
big teared cakes. I always thought they were all cake,
but they're not. They're fake. A lot of them are
just made from cardboard or some other material. They're covered
in icing just to build them up and then maybe
the top layer's got something. But a lot of them
(16:34):
also have to use things like toothpicks and things to
keep the la together.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
I know, when you think about it, it's actually so
sohns that is, but it's also like really frightening.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
Yeah, And so there have been incidences where people have
like gone to smash someone's face into the cake and
like had toothpicks stuck in their face, in their skin,
and like it's absolutely horrific.
Speaker 4 (16:54):
But I had said this to Ben, my husband. Now,
I said, just.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
To be clear, like I know we don't even need
to say this, but like let's not do any cake smashing.
If you saw our cake, they accidentally sent the wrong cake,
you couldn't have smashed it anyway.
Speaker 4 (17:06):
It looks like a pizza.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
We would have cut our face with a pizza cr
so like there was definitely no cake smashing. But I
reckon if I had said to my husband, no cake smashing,
and then he thought it was funny enough to do it,
I reckon, that is a ticket to divorce quick smart.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
I mean there was a discussion around this as in like,
why is this an indicator of divorce? And I don't
think it's the cake smashing that is the indicator of divorce.
I think it's the lack of care, betrayal how your
partner feels.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
No.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
I think if your wife or bride doesn't want their
face smashed into a cake, which I would put money
on the fact that ninety nine point nine percent them don't.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Unless it is the very last thing.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Like, no one, no one has gotten their hair and
makeup done to have their face smash into a cake
with that sort of force. If you do it, it's
a complete disregard for the way that they feel. And
I think that this is just like the tip of
the iceberg, right it's just a little example. I'm very
sure that those examples would exist in other ways in
which the relationship plays out, and so yes, it may
(18:06):
be like you know, I was reading this as well,
and it was saying, this guy, he's been to four
weddings now where it's happened, and those four weddings have
all ended in divorce. And I would say, and probably
pertains to bigger problems in that relationship where the groom
has zero or very little respect for their partner.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
I'm also calling it if you're listening to this right
now and you're getting married and you're thinking.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
About it, and it's done, the cake smash is.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Done, it is interesting. I did have a little Google
on where it came from.
Speaker 5 (18:32):
Grecel Is on the cat you mean produce a Grace
had a Google.
Speaker 4 (18:34):
Sorry, Grace is on the case.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Google. It gave it to me, and I wanted to
pretend I googled it.
Speaker 5 (18:38):
You did, but I was like, Bridge, You've never done
that much research for this show.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
A lot of googling, So if you wanted to know
where it originated from, it came from ancient Rome, where
the bride would have like a barley cake crumbled over
their head and delicately like crumble, crumble, crumble, cute cute
Yu love that like apple crumble, And it was supposed
to signify the promise of fertility and male dominance.
Speaker 5 (19:03):
Loll it still does.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
That's the problem is, like it's rooted in this deep
seated tradition, and the tradition was that it showed male dominance.
If a guy's grabbing you by the back of the
head and smashing your face into a cake, guess what
it still shows male dominance, I would argue. If not,
the tradition's just gotten worse. Hasn't gotten any better unless
you're both mutually cutely wiping a bit of butter cream
(19:24):
on each other like it's raw, like.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
An olive, like my cake an olive or some fetta
or some crusts.
Speaker 4 (19:29):
Because I did get the wrong cake.
Speaker 5 (19:31):
Yeah, a pizza protrudo on each other's nace.
Speaker 4 (19:33):
You might have missed that. But I did get a
pizza sent to me instead.
Speaker 5 (19:35):
Of a cake.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
That's for another day.
Speaker 5 (19:37):
OHI guys, that is it.
I heard podcasts he More Kiss podcast playlist and listen
live on the Free I Hunt app.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Good Pickup with Britt Hockley and Laura.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Ben Bady Your work, our windows down, that's my world
rison the dust only good fabs are all down.
Speaker 4 (00:30):
I've done much, but yeah I'm not.
Speaker 5 (00:33):
I'll big get and what I want.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
It don't matter where.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
This is the pickup, Hi, guys, it's the pickup with
Britt Hockley and Laura Ben.
Speaker 4 (00:43):
How are we feeling? It's hump days?
Speaker 5 (00:45):
Mate?
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Today was It was a slow start, That's for sure,
But now I'm feeling good.
Speaker 5 (00:49):
I'm glad I'm here. Put it that way.
Speaker 4 (00:51):
Why was it a slow start?
Speaker 5 (00:52):
I woke up?
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Kids just can just be so irrational and like, I
feel like anytime I complain about mine, I need to
preface it with how much I love being a mom.
Speaker 4 (00:59):
I do, that's.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
Every mom, but some parent has to say, like before I.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Have my complaint, I love my children you just like
some days are harder than others, and some some days
more like fulfilling with love than others. And this morning
was not one of those days. I woke up to Lola.
She's my four year old. She was crying in bed,
and I went in and she's been a bit six
so I was like, what's wrong, Sweedie, and that crying
stemmed for twenty minutes, where she, on repeat, said I
(01:25):
want to be awake, but I'm tired, and that went
over and over and over and she just couldn't She
physically couldn't get out of bed.
Speaker 5 (01:31):
Because she just I want to be awake.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
I want to be And I was like, Babe, you
are yelling at me and you're hitting me. That would
indicate that you were awake.
Speaker 5 (01:38):
You are well, You are well and truly awake.
Speaker 4 (01:40):
We were talking about this a bit earlier, but I.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Just think it's so funny when it transitions from everything
that you hate as a kid you really love as
an adult.
Speaker 4 (01:48):
Like I just want to nap. I want to sleep.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
I want to be relaxed, horizontal, someone feed me, seeing
me nursery rhyme, tickle my head and put me to bed.
Speaker 4 (01:56):
That's like my dream.
Speaker 5 (01:57):
I was like, baby, you can stay in bed for
a little while and rest. I don't want to rest.
I wish i'd gotten the audio of it.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
It was so irrational and unreasonable, and I was like,
you know what, I gotta go to work.
Speaker 5 (02:07):
This is Dad's problem.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Dad.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
Hey, if you guys did miss it earlier this week
I get married.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
I am married.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
I am a missus secret officially I will stay Missus Hockley.
Speaker 4 (02:20):
But Ben my husband, he's in Australia. He came on
the show on Monday.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
But because some of you lucky ducks had a public holiday,
so you weren't in the car, you weren't at work,
we had a bunch of people slidding too, the DM
saying they missed the chat and they wanted to hear
it again. So we are going to replace some of
that after the break, and it was very funny. We
did definitely have a few mishaps on the day of
the wedding.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
I mean when I'm blaming Ben basically, to.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Be fair, the only person that you can be like
thankful for that that wedding actually came together.
Speaker 5 (02:48):
It's to yourself and.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
My wedding planner, and you know, and Ben showed up
and he did his part by saying I.
Speaker 5 (02:53):
Do so well done.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
You know, we barely showed up in time. No, there's
a lot going on anyway. I love your band. After
the break, will you hear all about it.
Speaker 5 (03:01):
Ben, welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Thanks guys, good to see you again.
Speaker 4 (03:04):
How do you feel as a husband.
Speaker 5 (03:09):
Let's really let's get into the highlights. How are you
feeling as a husband.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (03:13):
Same, really but we had incredible time, so really really happy,
a little bit tired.
Speaker 5 (03:18):
Yeah, do you know what I do want to know? Ben?
I heard that you showed up to.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Your own wedding without any pants to wear. It to
said wedding. You had a year to organize a suit
and it was the one thing that brit was constantly
fearful about, and come said wedding day, somebody didn't have pants.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
Before I let him speak, Ben, I just want to
set it up.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Not only did he have a year, he left it
until the last week before the wedding and I had
to still organize it for him.
Speaker 4 (03:46):
So his job was just to get dressed. So talk
to us about how that went.
Speaker 6 (03:51):
Ben, Yes, my pants shrunk, which is not ideal when
your legs are the size of my legs, but.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
It was all fine. Nobody noticed.
Speaker 6 (04:00):
I'm not sure how you got this information because it
was very secrets with my groomsmen.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
But yes, there were some safety pins in my pants.
Speaker 6 (04:08):
But it's all fine, nobody got stung. Nobody knows, just except.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
For you, Laura.
Speaker 4 (04:12):
We want to know, and we need to set this up.
You can't just say my pants trunk.
Speaker 5 (04:16):
It's not like Doctor Doolittle.
Speaker 4 (04:17):
Or whatever that show was, I honey, I shrunk the kids.
Speaker 5 (04:20):
Sorry, really different shows that.
Speaker 4 (04:22):
Okay, let me set this up.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
Ben decided to wear his wedding suit the week before
to someone else's wedding and.
Speaker 6 (04:28):
I said, baby, efficient, Swiss efficiency.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
I said, baby, let's maybe like save the wedding suit
for the big day and get you a different suit.
Speaker 5 (04:35):
No, Ben, just onto road test and I like that.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
He goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, just fine,
it's Fine's fine anyway.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
He gets it dirty. We get to BALI.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
I said, you have to dry clean this suit three
days in advance, because that's how long it takes. Do
not forget to give it to the hotel and send
it off, babe, please, I've got this. So two days
before the wedding, I say, hey, did you dry clean
the suit? He's like, I forgot. He goes to try
and do it and he's like, babe, problem. They say
it's going to take three days. I said, I know, Ben.
The weddings in two days, so Ben starts splashing money around.
(05:04):
Someone eventually says, I'll do it. He gets the suit
back an hour before we're supposed to walk down. He
can't get it on because it's like it's like jeggings.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Did you check it, like when it came back from
the Balinese dry cleaner?
Speaker 5 (05:17):
Did you think I might look at this?
Speaker 6 (05:19):
I had my shirt cleaned as well, but it's my
backup shirt, and I thought, Okay, everything's in order, brilliant,
done it, but it's going to be happy super And
once I actually looked at them put them on, I
was like, they're not my pants.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
They're too small.
Speaker 5 (05:31):
They didn't fit.
Speaker 6 (05:31):
They didn't fit, so yeah, I had to stretch them
out a little bit and add emergency length.
Speaker 4 (05:37):
It's like so like add length to the bottom.
Speaker 6 (05:39):
Twenty minutes before we walked down the aist, I had
the tailor come in.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
So it's all done.
Speaker 6 (05:43):
We're all done at about five centimeters added. And I
think the wedding planner came to measure my waist and
my jeans to buy a backup.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Pants pants, so he couldn't get the zipper up either,
So I did.
Speaker 5 (05:55):
I did see. I mean, I had a pretty front
row seat.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Where are you looking?
Speaker 1 (05:59):
And I see that your pants were safety pin together
at the fire you couldn't tell that they were safety
pin but the zipper wasn't zippering. At that point, I
was like, something's going on.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Zipper was stuck and there was no way to unstuck them.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
So his one job of just putting the pants on
somehow managed to end up with you having no pants
that fit their skin tight, they're done up with safety pins.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
It was you that was authentically me.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
You really kick started your responsibilities.
Speaker 1 (06:27):
You did make it, and you did look amazing. Actually, Ben,
you looked amazing Britney. You also looked amazing. Very important.
I know that how much effort went into what you
were wearing.
Speaker 5 (06:37):
Ben. Not only was it the.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Zipper and the pants, but also five days beforehand we
discovered that your ring didn't fit you either, which had
to be completely remade from scratch in five days.
Speaker 5 (06:46):
So like I love with all the time.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
That you had between you guys to get this organized, Ben,
you were.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
The week it really were.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
I mean, is that any surprise? Really? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:56):
No, But to be fair and it's absolutely no surprise.
The wedding was incredible. It was like it was out
of a movie or a fairy tale. It was really
the most beautiful wedding that I think I've ever seen.
Speaker 5 (07:09):
I would can't mind in that as well.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
It was stunning at your wedding, it was amazing.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
It was like I say, went off without a hitch.
There were hitches. Did our photographer cancel five days before?
Speaker 3 (07:20):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (07:20):
Did our ring not work? We wasted it? Yes? Did
you have pants?
Speaker 5 (07:23):
No?
Speaker 3 (07:25):
Did our cake turn up like something we didn't order?
And it was burnt little crispy breakfast. Yes, there were
things that happened. But at the end of the day,
I married the love of my life with or without pants.
I was taking you anyway, Ben, So it was spectacular.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
Now, Britt, you.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Might remember a few weeks back we were speaking about
there's kind of been this real change and shift in
perceptions around letting your kids sleep over at people's houses.
And there's a debate that's been happening online as to whether, firstly,
what is the right age, and as to whether it's
the right thing for your kids' safety to let them
sleep over at friends' houses. And it's an interesting one
(08:04):
because we talked about it. It blew up on socials.
I don't know how I feel about it as a
mum to two little girls, because I have seen some
truly harrowing stories that have been shared on social media
about horrible things that have happened on sleepovers. But I
also know that it's kind of like a rite of
passage for kids, and we all did it as kids
and it's some of the best memories, even though you
(08:26):
come back tired and no one slept, and like you know,
also has a downside.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
You know what, I the only thing I'll quickly had
to this before because I know it's serious.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
But my best friend reminded me on the weekend.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
We've been best friends for thirty years and we used
to say each other's house all the time.
Speaker 4 (08:39):
She's like, remember how every time.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
We'd have a sleepover, you'd only come if you liked
what we had for dinner, Like I used to say eating.
Speaker 4 (08:46):
She's like, want to save tonight and I was like,
what's for dinner? I was like eight? She told me
if I did like it, I wouldn't go.
Speaker 1 (08:51):
I like that you had strong boundaries even as an
eight year old, did I knew what I wanted well?
Speaker 5 (08:55):
Look, it really did blow up on socials.
Speaker 1 (08:57):
So many people were discussing the fore and against it.
There's a lot of families who are kind of taking
the rout now of not letting their kids go to sleepovers.
Speaker 5 (09:05):
But then there's also.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
People who think that maybe we're wrapping our kids too
much cotton wool. Someone who did slide into our DMS
is Genevieve Mua now Jen Is. She's an Obstretix social
worker and she also has the business connected parenting, and
it was really nice to chat to someone who actually
has insight into this. Not only does she have four
boys herself, but she's helped a lot of parents across
(09:26):
the country manage what is a great way of finding
a middle ground in this, Jen, welcome to the show.
Speaker 7 (09:32):
Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Guys, Jen, I'm assuming the middle ground isn't asking what
they've got for dinner.
Speaker 7 (09:39):
I love that though, that is brilliant. I'm asking that next,
so I get asked on the sleepover for sure?
Speaker 1 (09:44):
Do you think that this is not something that parents
should be particularly concerned about or.
Speaker 5 (09:48):
Do you feel as though.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
That maybe there has been I guess a bit of
fear mungering happening online and on social media at the
moment around this whole sleepover debate.
Speaker 7 (09:58):
I think it's hard to be a parent in general.
These days. We have so much information about what's good
for kids and what is a risk for kids. Yeah,
from everything from how we should be seed in them,
how we keep them safe, how we educate them. There's
so much pressure. One of the things that I think
is a good thing, right is there's been a massive
social change in our understanding of what the risk to
(10:18):
kids are. And we now know that when it comes
to those risks or when things happen to kids that
we would like to protect them from, ninety percent of
the time that happens at the hands of someone we
know and trust. Now that's why the sleepover thing has
become an issue. Now think back to the old days
where we thought the risk was strangers and that's what
we want kids about, and we now know how we
(10:41):
had that wrong. So I love that parents have access
to the right information now about how to protect their kids.
You know, we could say that's no sleepovers ever, but
we let our kids go online where so many similar
tricky things can happen online. Right, So what we really
want to do is start to have a sense of well,
who is my kid? Where are they going? So how
(11:03):
well do I know that family? In terms of my kids,
I'm looking for certain levels of skill. Is my child
at an age where they absolutely know they could come
to me if they felt uncomfortable they got asked to
go home? Could they communicate that if they needed to?
If my child has those skills, if I have someone
in my life where I really trust and I've known
(11:23):
them for a while, then that's a really different thing
than if they don't have those skills.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
But I guess it's not particularly an age thing then
is it? Because kids all develop a different ages and phases.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
You know?
Speaker 1 (11:33):
I would say that some kids have those communication skills
earlier than others.
Speaker 7 (11:38):
Absolutely, And with my four boys, there was one that
I was a lot later in letting him go for
his first sleepover simply because he actually had a delay
with his speech. He was not a kid that would
speak up. He was really kind of quiet by nature,
really struggled to put his hand up in class and
say what he needed. I wasn't going to send him
off because he'd never be able to speak up. So
(12:00):
it's kind of about looking at who we've got, but
also who we've got in our lives, and I want
to kind of acknowledge they'd be single parents that do
not have an option if they're doing shipwork, then to
have sometimes the village step in and support them. We
might have great relatives and grandparents, we might have really
close family friends that we've known and we intimately know
really well. So I think it's also about every situation
(12:23):
is different, but it's sort of knowing who we've got.
But the final thing that we can all do from
a really young age, and that is really talk openly
and honestly to your kids about a couple of key things.
One is you know the normal names of body parts
and kind of making sure we have open and honest
conversations about those things. Teaching our kids things like you
(12:45):
don't have to hug your uncle if you don't want to,
you can give them a halfh five. So that's body
autonomy and having a sense of that stuff from a
really young age. And the final thing, and I think
this matters more than anything else, there is nothing you
could ever do or say that would make me love
you less. There's nothing you can't tell me. I will
always believe you, and that one you have to keep
(13:05):
saying from the beginning all the way through. You know,
at sixteen, we're still saying the same thing. You're going
out tonight. There is nothing that could happen or that
you could do where you can't call me and I
wouldn't be there on your side to help you.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
Jen out of curiosity, how old are your kids when
you let them sleep over at people's houses?
Speaker 7 (13:24):
So look really different ages depending on the child. But
like I think if we were to say like a
good age in general, I think it's probably somewhere upwards
of maybe eight ish, Like it's somewhere around there that
I think, depending on the child. And again, kids are
going to be so different. For one of my kids,
(13:45):
he was that little bit older. He just wasn't ready.
And for some kids that might be younger, it might
be from six that you have a good friend and
there's a really great thing going on. I know there's
been some guidelines put out by the government where they're
saying from about eleven. I think that's quite old myself,
because most kids will go on their first school camp
(14:06):
at around eleven, and I kind of think some experience
in a way that is safe. It's probably good for kids.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yeah, I mean you don't think about that too. I
remember going on school camp lucky. My mom never really
let us stay at people's houses, but they always say
to ours, so I was kind of used to the
sleepover environment.
Speaker 3 (14:23):
Got ours everywhere I did was shipping me out.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
I didn't know your mum also had four kids, and
she was like, just get one of them out of
the house.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
That kids, and they were all working. They were like,
find a friend today, somewhere else.
Speaker 5 (14:35):
Thanking so much, Jen, thanks for joining the show.
Speaker 7 (14:38):
Absolute pleasure.
Speaker 3 (14:39):
Guys, we Laura are in a bit of a wedding
fever at the moment.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
I promise it will die down, but.
Speaker 5 (14:45):
I don't think it will. It's been over a year now, but.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
For me, I only got married a week ago, so,
like my algorithm online is still very heavy wedding related.
Everything about weddings and this is not science, but they're
going to found a new indicator of divorce from a wedding.
So if you go to a wedding, you might have
seen like this old school tradition where people smash the
cake into the bride's face, like the groom they cut
(15:10):
the cake it's cute photos videos, and then the groom
picks up a chunk of cake and smash it in
the bride's face.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
I've seen this trending on socials at the moment because
I've definitely been to a wedding where both the bride
and groom did it to each other.
Speaker 4 (15:22):
Yeah, and that was cute.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
It was cute they did it, they were wanting to
do it to each other. They were both consenting. There's
been a few that have gone and circulated around socials
at the moment where like the man grabs the back
of the his bride's head and shoves a whole face
Like imagine sitting there getting your hair, makeup and everything
done for hours, only to have your entire head dumped
into a three der cake.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
Yeah, and then you see all the ones that are
like not just not consenting, but the ones that end
in injury.
Speaker 4 (15:49):
And that's actually the one I'm going to talk about today.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
There's one particularly viral real that's going There's a thread
on Reddit, but a man smashes the cake into his
bride's face, but with a fork, like it was like
he'd obviously scooped it up on a fork, puts it
into her face and the fork comes through and cuts
her lip like through.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
The cake, so all of a sudden she bleeding. She's
it's a whole thing.
Speaker 5 (16:10):
Stabbed it with a form.
Speaker 4 (16:11):
You'll literally stabbed your wife.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
With a fork. But there are other ones too, like
a lot of cakes. And this is something that I
learned only just getting married. You know, all these huge,
big teared cakes. I always thought they were all cake,
but they're not. They're fake. A lot of them are
just made from cardboard or some other material. They're covered
in icing just to build them up and then maybe
the top layer's got something. But a lot of them
(16:34):
also have to use things like toothpicks and things to
keep the la together.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
I know, when you think about it, it's actually so
sohns that is, but it's also like really frightening.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
Yeah, And so there have been incidences where people have
like gone to smash someone's face into the cake and
like had toothpicks stuck in their face, in their skin,
and like it's absolutely horrific.
Speaker 4 (16:54):
But I had said this to Ben, my husband. Now,
I said, just.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
To be clear, like I know we don't even need
to say this, but like let's not do any cake smashing.
If you saw our cake, they accidentally sent the wrong cake,
you couldn't have smashed it anyway.
Speaker 4 (17:06):
It looks like a pizza.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
We would have cut our face with a pizza cr
so like there was definitely no cake smashing. But I
reckon if I had said to my husband, no cake smashing,
and then he thought it was funny enough to do it,
I reckon, that is a ticket to divorce quick smart.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
I mean there was a discussion around this as in like,
why is this an indicator of divorce? And I don't
think it's the cake smashing that is the indicator of divorce.
I think it's the lack of care, betrayal how your
partner feels.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
No.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
I think if your wife or bride doesn't want their
face smashed into a cake, which I would put money
on the fact that ninety nine point nine percent them don't.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Unless it is the very last thing.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Like, no one, no one has gotten their hair and
makeup done to have their face smash into a cake
with that sort of force. If you do it, it's
a complete disregard for the way that they feel. And
I think that this is just like the tip of
the iceberg, right it's just a little example. I'm very
sure that those examples would exist in other ways in
which the relationship plays out, and so yes, it may
(18:06):
be like you know, I was reading this as well,
and it was saying, this guy, he's been to four
weddings now where it's happened, and those four weddings have
all ended in divorce. And I would say, and probably
pertains to bigger problems in that relationship where the groom
has zero or very little respect for their partner.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
I'm also calling it if you're listening to this right
now and you're getting married and you're thinking.
Speaker 4 (18:26):
About it, and it's done, the cake smash is.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Done, it is interesting. I did have a little Google
on where it came from.
Speaker 5 (18:32):
Grecel Is on the cat you mean produce a Grace
had a Google.
Speaker 4 (18:34):
Sorry, Grace is on the case.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Google. It gave it to me, and I wanted to
pretend I googled it.
Speaker 5 (18:38):
You did, but I was like, Bridge, You've never done
that much research for this show.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
A lot of googling, So if you wanted to know
where it originated from, it came from ancient Rome, where
the bride would have like a barley cake crumbled over
their head and delicately like crumble, crumble, crumble, cute cute
Yu love that like apple crumble, And it was supposed
to signify the promise of fertility and male dominance.
Speaker 5 (19:03):
Loll it still does.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
That's the problem is, like it's rooted in this deep
seated tradition, and the tradition was that it showed male dominance.
If a guy's grabbing you by the back of the
head and smashing your face into a cake, guess what
it still shows male dominance, I would argue. If not,
the tradition's just gotten worse. Hasn't gotten any better unless
you're both mutually cutely wiping a bit of butter cream
(19:24):
on each other like it's raw, like.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
An olive, like my cake an olive or some fetta
or some crusts.
Speaker 4 (19:29):
Because I did get the wrong cake.
Speaker 5 (19:31):
Yeah, a pizza protrudo on each other's nace.
Speaker 4 (19:33):
You might have missed that. But I did get a
pizza sent to me instead.
Speaker 5 (19:35):
Of a cake.
Speaker 4 (19:36):
That's for another day.
Speaker 5 (19:37):
OHI guys, that is it.
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Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.