June 24, 2025 • 5 mins
There has always been an unspoken rule that you don’t talk about your pregnancy until after the first trimester, but there are people suggesting now that it might be a bit outdated. Laura unpacks why it might be important to tell (certain) people in your life that you're pregnant before 12-weeks.
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
High Heart podcasts, he More Kiss podcast playlist and listen
live on the free iHeart app. Now, something we were
talking about recently, and I think it's because my whole
algorithm at the moment is pregnancies, babies. It's like the
social media knows I'm pregnant and it's feeding me every
single article or Instagram post that has to do with pregnancy.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
But the way it works, it does, doesn't it.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Well, Look, this is something that we've spoken about on
Life Uncut before, but I really do think that the
conversation around this is changing, and that is that there
is a bit of a silence that surrounds the first
twelve weeks of pregnancy. Now for most women, and I
won't speak for everyone. I'm certainly not the oracle of pregnancy,
but for a lot of women, we are told to
(00:55):
keep your pregnancy or your good news quite private for
the first twelve weeks. Now, the reasoning around that is
because during that first twelve weeks is when most miscarriages happen.
It's when the rate of which you can lose your
baby is quite high. And for anyone who doesn't know
the stats, one in four pregnancies does end in miscarriage.
Usually it's early miscarriage. And I myself have had two miscarriages.
(01:21):
I had one before my first daughter, Maley, and I
had one before my second daughter, Lola, and I always
found it quite a I guess, quite an interesting thing
that you're told to keep it to yourself for the
first twelve weeks, because the problem is is if you
haven't told anyone that you're pregnant, you also don't get
to share with anyone or explain to anyone why you
might be feeling really sad.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
If something does go wrong.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
And there's been quite a movement in a recent article
that's come out around really starting to shift the perception
around this secrecy of twelve weeks.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
And the question is is who does it benefit?
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Does it actually benefit new expectant mothers, or is it
something that just adds more shame around the whole feeling
of like, well, my body wasn't able to carry a
pregnancy to full term. If you are someone who unfortunately
joins that awful club of having a miscarriage, look it's.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
A hard one. I've not been pregnant and I've not
had a miscarriage, so I can't speak to it like that.
But I do think it's interesting because I understand where
it comes from.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Like I understand why it's always been like, hey.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Don't tell anyone until you're quote unquote safe or in
the clear.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
And I guess that is.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Because for a lot of people, if you tell a
mass amount of people, it does mean you have to
deal with it on a mass level as well. I
don't believe in keeping it a secret for the twelve weeks,
but I understand why. It's like, you know, maybe don't
go crazy with who you tell, but you definitely need
that support system. You need someone to be there with
you if you're going through it.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yeah, but you don't have to tell everyone. It's it
on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
But I mean you can tell your people at work,
you can tell your support systems. Actually, Samantha Payne, so
she's the co founder and CEO of Pink Elephant, and
she puts it so perfectly. She said this, the twelve
week rule tells us to stay quiet just in case.
But if the worst does happen, then you're suddenly grieving
in silence. You haven't told anyone, so there's no support.
And I do think that this is very relevant for women,
(03:07):
especially in a work environment, Like if you are suddenly
grieving and going through, you know, struggling with a miscarriage,
you've never spoken about the fact that you are or
might be pregnant or any of these.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Sorts of things.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
But the first conversation you're having to have in a
workplace environment could potentially be, oh, I'm actually having a miscarriage.
I just think it adds to the stigma around it.
I definitely think it adds to the shame. And I
do think that as a society we're moving beyond that
a little bit. But I think that it should be
a case where if people want to talk about early pregnancy,
we shouldn't have this like, oh, you don't speak about it,
(03:39):
you might have a you know, it might not end well,
and it should be like, Okay, well, that's great knowing
that it is a possibility, but still holding so much
space for like the excitement and the joy. And I
say this because I remember when my sister told me
she was pregnant, and she told me really early. I
think she was only like maybe four or five weeks,
just found out like literally, you know, Pete on the
stick double lines, which you're so excited, And she called
(04:03):
me and my first reaction was a bit like, oh,
you're not meant to tell me.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
I was quite young, and I don't think I had realized.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I think I was so conditioned by this twelve week
rule thing that I was like worried for her if
she had to tell me that something went wrong.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Because it almost is a rule without it being a rule.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
That's how we grow up.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
You can grow up knowing that when you hit the
twelve week mark, you're to talk about it. Even when
I'm trying to think about right now, I'm like, why
do we have that rule?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
What are the repercussions of it? And it is shame.
That's the default, right.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
It shamed you from saying, hey, my body wasn't able
to hold on to that, or maybe there's something wrong
with me, and that's absolutely not the case.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yeah, And I think for me, I didn't realize how
common it was because it's so rarely spoken about, especially publicly,
and so when it did happen to me, I thought
that there was something wrong with me.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
That's the only place.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
That's the first place your brain goes to, especially when
it's happened twice, You're like, Okay, there's something wrong with
my body and how it works. And it wasn't until
doing more research and having more conversations with family and
friends that I was like, oh, my good, people who
I'd never even suspected, family members I never even suspected
who had gone through miss carriage all kind of stepped
forward to was like, oh me too, like me too,
(05:11):
Like this happened to me. And I think it's only
when you are someone who's been through it do you
realize the volume of women who also experience the same thing,
which is why I think if you're pregnant, well, firstly, congratulations,
but if you are pregnant in that early twelve weeks
and you want to tell the people who you love
and who are in your surrounding networks, like, I don't
think that that's something that you should feel as though
(05:32):
you have to keep to yourself. Because the more we
talk about it, the more we normalize it, and it
just means that something does go wrong. It makes talking
about that okay as well. Absolutely
High Heart podcasts, he More Kiss podcast playlist and listen
live on the free iHeart app. Now, something we were
talking about recently, and I think it's because my whole
algorithm at the moment is pregnancies, babies. It's like the
social media knows I'm pregnant and it's feeding me every
single article or Instagram post that has to do with pregnancy.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
But the way it works, it does, doesn't it.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
Well, Look, this is something that we've spoken about on
Life Uncut before, but I really do think that the
conversation around this is changing, and that is that there
is a bit of a silence that surrounds the first
twelve weeks of pregnancy. Now for most women, and I
won't speak for everyone. I'm certainly not the oracle of pregnancy,
but for a lot of women, we are told to
(00:55):
keep your pregnancy or your good news quite private for
the first twelve weeks. Now, the reasoning around that is
because during that first twelve weeks is when most miscarriages happen.
It's when the rate of which you can lose your
baby is quite high. And for anyone who doesn't know
the stats, one in four pregnancies does end in miscarriage.
Usually it's early miscarriage. And I myself have had two miscarriages.
(01:21):
I had one before my first daughter, Maley, and I
had one before my second daughter, Lola, and I always
found it quite a I guess, quite an interesting thing
that you're told to keep it to yourself for the
first twelve weeks, because the problem is is if you
haven't told anyone that you're pregnant, you also don't get
to share with anyone or explain to anyone why you
might be feeling really sad.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
If something does go wrong.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
And there's been quite a movement in a recent article
that's come out around really starting to shift the perception
around this secrecy of twelve weeks.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
And the question is is who does it benefit?
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Does it actually benefit new expectant mothers, or is it
something that just adds more shame around the whole feeling
of like, well, my body wasn't able to carry a
pregnancy to full term. If you are someone who unfortunately
joins that awful club of having a miscarriage, look it's.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
A hard one. I've not been pregnant and I've not
had a miscarriage, so I can't speak to it like that.
But I do think it's interesting because I understand where
it comes from.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Like I understand why it's always been like, hey.
Speaker 3 (02:20):
Don't tell anyone until you're quote unquote safe or in
the clear.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
And I guess that is.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
Because for a lot of people, if you tell a
mass amount of people, it does mean you have to
deal with it on a mass level as well. I
don't believe in keeping it a secret for the twelve weeks,
but I understand why. It's like, you know, maybe don't
go crazy with who you tell, but you definitely need
that support system. You need someone to be there with
you if you're going through it.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yeah, but you don't have to tell everyone. It's it
on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
But I mean you can tell your people at work,
you can tell your support systems. Actually, Samantha Payne, so
she's the co founder and CEO of Pink Elephant, and
she puts it so perfectly. She said this, the twelve
week rule tells us to stay quiet just in case.
But if the worst does happen, then you're suddenly grieving
in silence. You haven't told anyone, so there's no support.
And I do think that this is very relevant for women,
(03:07):
especially in a work environment, Like if you are suddenly
grieving and going through, you know, struggling with a miscarriage,
you've never spoken about the fact that you are or
might be pregnant or any of these.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Sorts of things.
Speaker 1 (03:19):
But the first conversation you're having to have in a
workplace environment could potentially be, oh, I'm actually having a miscarriage.
I just think it adds to the stigma around it.
I definitely think it adds to the shame. And I
do think that as a society we're moving beyond that
a little bit. But I think that it should be
a case where if people want to talk about early pregnancy,
we shouldn't have this like, oh, you don't speak about it,
(03:39):
you might have a you know, it might not end well,
and it should be like, Okay, well, that's great knowing
that it is a possibility, but still holding so much
space for like the excitement and the joy. And I
say this because I remember when my sister told me
she was pregnant, and she told me really early. I
think she was only like maybe four or five weeks,
just found out like literally, you know, Pete on the
stick double lines, which you're so excited, And she called
(04:03):
me and my first reaction was a bit like, oh,
you're not meant to tell me.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
I was quite young, and I don't think I had realized.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I think I was so conditioned by this twelve week
rule thing that I was like worried for her if
she had to tell me that something went wrong.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Because it almost is a rule without it being a rule.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
That's how we grow up.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
You can grow up knowing that when you hit the
twelve week mark, you're to talk about it. Even when
I'm trying to think about right now, I'm like, why
do we have that rule?
Speaker 2 (04:28):
What are the repercussions of it? And it is shame.
That's the default, right.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
It shamed you from saying, hey, my body wasn't able
to hold on to that, or maybe there's something wrong
with me, and that's absolutely not the case.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Yeah, And I think for me, I didn't realize how
common it was because it's so rarely spoken about, especially publicly,
and so when it did happen to me, I thought
that there was something wrong with me.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
That's the only place.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
That's the first place your brain goes to, especially when
it's happened twice, You're like, Okay, there's something wrong with
my body and how it works. And it wasn't until
doing more research and having more conversations with family and
friends that I was like, oh, my good, people who
I'd never even suspected, family members I never even suspected
who had gone through miss carriage all kind of stepped
forward to was like, oh me too, like me too,
(05:11):
Like this happened to me. And I think it's only
when you are someone who's been through it do you
realize the volume of women who also experience the same thing,
which is why I think if you're pregnant, well, firstly, congratulations,
but if you are pregnant in that early twelve weeks
and you want to tell the people who you love
and who are in your surrounding networks, like, I don't
think that that's something that you should feel as though
(05:32):
you have to keep to yourself. Because the more we
talk about it, the more we normalize it, and it
just means that something does go wrong. It makes talking
about that okay as well. Absolutely
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