In this heartfelt episode, we dive into the realities of dating, relationships, and personal growth. We explore how childhood wounds shape the way we love and why owning your “side of the street” is key to entering relationships with confidence and grace.
Tune in as we discuss:
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Why healing and self-awareness before dating transform your relationship experience
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How to keep your emotional “side of the street” clean and avoid projecting past wounds
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The power of consistent, open communication to express love languages, needs, and boundaries
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Why expecting your partner to be a mind reader sets you both up to fail
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Practical tips for keeping romance alive and balancing individuality within your partnership
Whether you’re single, dating, or in a long-term relationship, this episode is packed with game-changing insights and heartfelt advice that’ll shift the way you show up in love. Get ready to transform your connections and level up your relationship game ❤️🔥
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the
land on which this episode is being recorded, the Combomb
Merry people. They've been having conversations and telling stories on
this land for thousands of years, and we show our
gratitude and respect for their contribution to our environment and culture.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
We are doing an episode our Dating, Our Relationship.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Welcome back everyone to the in Between with Georgina and Jamie.
We are so excited to be back in your ears.
We love recording these episodes, we really do, honestly. And
today we have a question that you guys wrote in
for us. Someone wrote in not everyone and said they
want to know about dating and relationships and relationships. But
(00:51):
Jamie and I decided because we're probably not the best
people for pure dating advice because we've both been out
of the game for quite a while. But we can
talk about the mindset behind dating and like the self
development side of that. But we're also going to dive
into relationships.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
And how to have a healthy, happy, long term relationship
and what that looks like from a personal development side,
because I truly feel like being in a relationship is
one of the biggest self development self growth journeys. You
go on because you're trying to figure out life with
another human that has their own wounds, their own triggers,
(01:27):
their own beliefs, and trying to merge all of that
and find harmony in a life. And also your partners
will be your biggest mirrors and they're going to trigger
out the fuck out of you.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
They really are. I'm in this stage at the moment
with my partner Dave. The way he sneezes, it's always
the littlest it's the littlest. I don't know what it is,
but when he sneezes, I'm like, can you please not
sneeze like that?
Speaker 4 (01:51):
What is it?
Speaker 2 (01:52):
I'm gonna need some video.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
Oh, I'll get it for you.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
It's like in the Facebook green how some people sneeze
really externally. And it's like but also like he can't
help that. I understand, and he's like a little stay.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Me, stop snoozing like that.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
No, I'm just kidding, But you know, like you go
through therese different things that happens, you get triggered by
different things, and you're both individuals on your own growth
and discovering journey kind of like choosing to do life
together side by side. So There's lots of stuff that
comes with that that I feel like isn't really talked
about enough, and we get caught in these loops, you know,
(02:28):
seeing relationships on Instagram and seeing how perfect everything can
always look. And again this is always highlight reels, and
sometimes you know, the behind the scenes, the arguments, the
choosing each other over and over again, that isn't shown
or talked about enough.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
So I need to do.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
That and how to navigate that and really how it
can be the biggest blessing when you understand what feeling
triggered by your partner means and what that's actually revealing
within yourself, because it is actually such a blessing to
be able to then see those things in yourself and
heal things that you probably wouldn't have been able to
notice or heal on your own. So we're going to
(03:06):
get into that, but before we do, should we give
a little life update. We're just two girls on the
podcast giving me advice, and we don't like we haven't
really shared too much about us, So why.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Are you the bloody?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
How you've been up too lately? Well, I feel like
life has been full throttle at the moment. Moving house,
Ron c is popping off business my clients, Like, there's
just so much happening. But I am fully embracing it's
the season that I'm in and loving every second even
though it's scary and hard and you know, all those
(03:41):
things as well, but trusting.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
That it's all working out.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
You know, about ten to mine. I keep pulling the
card lucky Girl era, so things are looking up.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
Things are looking up.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Now, may be scared, but I keep pulling that card.
So it's all working out. So yeah, I feel like,
but you've been much the same. Hey, life's been. It's
all happening.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Jamie and I were saying, yes that, like we keep
saying there's so much happening right now, there's so much
happening right now. Maybe that's just not so much. Maybe
that's just normal.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Or you know our classic Oh it's been a crazy month.
I can't believe it's today, Like just for the last
two years, every single.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Month, like God, so much happened is I think we
just need to stop saying that because it's normal.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
But what if I saw this girl talking on her
Instagram story yesday and she was saying her client was
feeling so overwhelmed and She's like, what if you just
changed flip the script and was like, I'm upgrading, and
we're just constantly upgrading. But I think it's just who
we are as people because we are always striving for more.
We're always trying to better our ourselves. We're always trying
(04:40):
to you know, excel in all the things in life.
So we keep attracting that because we bring it into
our life, like we're the only common denominator here.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
I know, but I want less.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
I want simple, Like I am a bit tired of
having fifty things on my to do list after I
finish work that I never get through.
Speaker 4 (04:59):
I'm being a bit here. I'm sorry, everybody, Sorry, but
I want simple.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
But you'd say that, and I bet you'd be bored.
I hate it after a day, he trust me. You
just the grass is always green on them side. You've
got to learn to water now, I know.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
We're just.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Hey, you've been in this with me, shut up the.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Last I know. Then I keep reminding myself, like like
I truly keep saying to myself, I asked for this.
I asked to have a full time job and work
and have a business. I asked to move house. I
asked to have all these things. I've got to embrace
it and be grateful because the alternatives if not having
those things, and I love them. So it is, but
(05:38):
there's also room for you can feel what you want
to feel. You know, like you don't have to always
be toxically positive, not saying that you are, but like,
I feel like the time, we're always like you have
to be grateful and you have to be happy. Like
sometimes you can just have it.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
We feels where you're like, you know what, I'm really
tired and exhausted and I want to be a little
bit like Sooki for a week and then you pick
up and you move on and you're all good again.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
Sometimes it's like that though.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
So sometimes it happens in the same cycle every month.
You're so overwhelmed because you're like and then oh, just
kind of a period.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
Yeah, give yourself grace because you know, especially women hormones,
sometimes you can be like thriving and you're like so
happy and upbeat and positive, and other weeks like Jamie,
this week is nauseous every five seconds, She's like, well,
she's like too much.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
It's the vibe.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
It's the hormonal vibe. Anyways, enough about what we've been
up to. Let's get into what you're all here for,
dating and relationships.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
The juice, kure, the music.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Let's start with dating. So it's been a while since
we've actually officially dated, but we know a lot about
you know, in terms of being a human and the
things that you should probably work on and go into dating.
A lot of it is about the mindset, you know.
You see a lot of people that really want a partner,
they want to kind of complete that other half of them.
(07:03):
But we think so strongly that it's really important to
go in as a whole person first, do the work
on yourself first, and so then you can seek out
that person out of curiosity and complementing yourself as opposed
to desperation.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
I think it's also important to note though you won't
always go into a relationship with everything healed and all
your like. That is a part of going through self
development your whole life, but kind of coming in from
it at the energy of I'm so happy on my own,
I've filled up my cup so much, I've given myself
the love. So you are coming into that, you know,
(07:42):
dating scene and everything like that from a place of
not from a place of wounding or not from a
place of all except whatever I can get, because I
just don't want to be on my own, because that's
when you'll have a relationship that you don't get the
love you deserve, you don't get treated the way you should,
and we are not having that. No, And if you
(08:02):
are queens and you deserve the world.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
If you're kind of hearing this and being like, oh,
that's me a little bit, just reflect and you'll notice
that if you've gone into you know, dating or situationships
and you have had a bit of that energy, maybe
the same cycles happened a few times. Maybe you've been
through this same process and you're kind of like, what
is going on? Why can't I find this personal? Why
(08:24):
isn't it working out? I feel like a lot of
the time this is lessons and it's like something you
need to heal or work on before you meet that
right person at the right time. But all of it
it's just a big like it's a chance to improve yourself,
to work on things, to have things highlighted that you know,
lessons that you need to work on. So again, if
(08:46):
you take it as like a curiosity, I'm going to
learn so much from this as opposed to like the
desperate energy.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Yeah, it's like such a different place to be. And
because I know before I had my first boyfriend, like
I held out for a while into I think I
was like twenty one when I had my first boyfriend,
which was like after all of my other friends, which
is fine, but I was very, very hell bent on
the fact that I was going to be happy within myself,
(09:15):
give myself all of the love, give everything that I needed,
so then that person would be from overflow and they
would add to my life. It wasn't they were completing
my life or they were giving me something I couldn't
give myself. So I was probably a bit like hell
bent on that. I was like, I have to have this,
which it definitely doesn't have to be that way. But
(09:35):
I then had such, you know, a beautiful experience within
that relationship because it was from such overflow. It was
I was so happy on my own that they were
adding to my life in such from such a good place.
So I think there's so much like hidden power within
that and hidden beauty within that that people don't really
speak about enough. And you hear it a lot when
(09:55):
people are going through breakups. Like give yourself the love
that you deserve and focus on you and everything will happen.
But it truly is like if you're on your own
and you're not necessarily in a breakup or anything like that,
like make sure you are giving yourself everything that you
would want someone else to give to you too. So
then it is from that really beautiful energy.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
And I feel like when you're approaching it that way,
you can kind of go in with standards rather than expectations,
like you know what you will and won't accept. You
know what you want in a relationship, how you want
to feel, because you're not willing to accept anything less
because you know that you're not relying on that. So
then you go in with these standards and boundaries that
(10:38):
are healthy as opposed to having these like toxic expectations
that might be unrealistic because you just want so much love,
but actually you're supposed to get half of that from yourself,
so you're placing it all on this other person, which
is just it's not going to work out. That's why
a lot of the time, you know, doing this kind
of work before, it's to set you up in right levels,
(11:00):
and you know, so that you can give and take
in the dating and have that nice balance so it's
not just all taking taking. You know, you're in that
good place to do a bit of both.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
And from like a shadow work lens or a lens
of what you kind of your subconscious will attract into
your life. In the dating world and in a relationship world,
you will actually call in someone that like reveals your
mirrors and reveals your triggers and reveals your wounds because
you are choosing, like you choose love from a wounded place.
(11:32):
That's how that's how we seek out love and affection
from things maybe we didn't have as a child or
whatever it is. So to be able to navigate that
and go through that personal growth journey, you know, you're
choosing someone who's aligned for your higher self, not someone
that's aligned to maybe your wounded self or whatever it is,
(11:52):
because that's kind of where we always choose love from
and what we accept love from.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Yeah, And that's like, you know, you hear people saying, like, oh,
my type or whatever it is, and they've ended up
choosing their type so many times and all of those
relationships haven't worked out, and then something happens and they
meet this unexpected person who's not their type, and they
end up being their soul way and the best person
because their type was formed based on all of these
(12:18):
things from their past, their wounds out of a bad place.
And then you get stuck in that cycle looking for
that same person that you think is you're right, but
it's actually not. And then it takes someone like that
to surprise you to be like, oh wow, they actually
really value this and this and this.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
I just wasn't open to it.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
And it's not to say that you have to go
through you know, self growth before you're in a relationships,
because like we are always there's always wounds that we
need to heal, no matter what where we're at in
life or how old we are, whatever it is, there's
always a deeper laye of layel l laale. There's always
a deeper level of wounding to go through. But it's
just to then approach the dating scene from your best
(13:01):
self at that time, because then there's always going to
be more things you're going to move through a way.
So it's not to say.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Like no, but I feel like it would just give
you that confidence and that attractive appeal if you're using
I know who I am, and I know what I
will and won't stand for. That's gonna like that will
be attractive. Yes, that energy in people think about someone
that you know that's got that, just like magnetic energy.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
It's that.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
So if you're going in and you're like, this is
who I am, this is what I want, here's what
I kind of want from you, we can have all
this fun together, blah blah blah. I just think that
would be such a better foundation to start on.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
And I think even from like a dynamic situation of
going in with that energy too, and you not coming
in with that like I'll sit my plans around you
or I'll make it work in whatever way, because then
you know that person will understand that they have you
whenever they need you, and they won't really treat you
(14:03):
with you know, time, respect, and all of those sorts
of things. So coming in with that energy and being
really strong in that and strong in your boundaries, knowing
what you're after and what you're looking for, you're going
to have such a different experience with the dating world,
really them understanding that you're the prize.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
Yes, and also, like you hear so many negative stories
about the dating pool and scene but it's like a
lot of the time, I'm sure people put, you know,
a lot of the blame on other people and say
Craig or Sally or whoever, like was this or this
or this, But it's like, if these things keep happening,
a bit of tough love, but it is a reflection
of like not right here either, I'm going for the
(14:41):
wrong people.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
I'm going in with the wrong approach.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
And I told someone recently, I was having this conversation
with someone I know who's dating, and I said, pitch
me right now who you are and say only positive things.
Tell me a bit about who you are, what you've
got to offer, and say it only positively, And she couldn't,
you know, And it's like, how can you go into
dating like that? Then if you even show off, you're
(15:05):
kind of you know, because it is the first little
bit you are kind of like peacocking a little bit.
You're like, I'm this great person, like blah blah blah.
You kind of go with your best cards forward truthfully
and authentically. But you do so, then if you aren't
even really sure of what you've got to offer, or
you can't figure out the good things about you, it's
like you know, it's not really going to end in
(15:27):
the healthiest, most valuable dating experience, I don't think.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
And if you also see your own self worth at
that low point, you will accept less, Like you will
accept any little bit of love or any little like
dropping of anything because you don't think you're worthy of more. So,
really like leaning into you are the prize, you are
the queen or king, you are the price whatever, and
(15:53):
that you are worthy of the love and everything, Like you're.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
That has to believe it. Yes, not them, It's not
the people you're dating. It's you that has to believe
that first. Yeah, So what do you think if there's
someone who's dating and they're listening to this and they're like, yes,
I want to do this work, but like what is
the work? What do I do? What do you recommend?
Is things they can do before they start dating or
color for themselves?
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Well, I mean, there's it's so hard because there's so
much out there. There's so many podcasts, courses, and I
think a lot of the time that is also a distraction.
I think understanding Like sometimes I'm like, you find one
person that you really resonate with and you listen to
that and you don't go into because you could whatever
belief you have, you could find someone that supports it,
(16:41):
you know kind of thing. So if you go and
listen to absolutely everything out there, you're probably going to
end up in self development paralysis where you don't actually integrate.
And I was actually talking to Cinder about this to
the other day, and she's like, people just they feed
their minds with podcasts and all that, but they don't
actually integrate or change anything. They just wear it as
a badge of that. I listen to all of these
(17:01):
different things, which is amazing, but then nothing shifts because
they don't actually do the work to integrate. So I
think the best thing is understanding and learning self reflection
and looking at, you know, the because every relationship in
your life is a mirror. Looking at all of the
relationships you have, whether that's with family or friends, colleagues,
whoever it is, and really look at the parts that
(17:24):
you're feeling triggered by them or maybe you're judging them
for and you will find the parts in you that
your relationships are revealing to you that need to be healed.
So going and looking at those things and then getting
a journal or however you kind of self reflect and
writing down what is this relationship teaching me, what is
(17:46):
this relationship showing me, and starting to look into those
things that you could heal, so you're not bringing in
another dynamic that is going to play into that.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Yeah, I agree, I love that, And I think also
giving yourself the space to do that because often the thoughts,
the reflections, all of these things coming in when you've
got the space and mental capacity for it. Like that's
why sometimes when you're driving or you're in the shower
and nothing else is going on, these things pop in
your head because you've got a bit of this space
(18:16):
and calm for it. So if you're in this process
right now, if this is your reality, like being on
the dating scene, trying to work on yourself, just make sure,
you know, maybe every Saturday or Sunday morning you take
yourself and get a coffee and go to the beach
and just sit there with the journal and just kind
of see what comes out, or you know, listen to
something and then think about it afterwards. Like, really give
yourself the time and space to reflect and think about
(18:40):
maybe some little changes you can make, or some action
steps you can do, or if you have some high
vibe friends talk to them about it and be like,
what do you think? How could I work on this?
You know, just to kind of have those conversations. I
think that's really meaningful.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
And I think also look at if you have this
or not, your dating history, So what is how happened
in previous relationships, previous situationships, what has gone on, what
has been the biggest you know, maybe fights that you've
had or conversations that you've had or things that have
gone wrong, or what kind of energy will you coming
into the situation from And start to really look at
(19:15):
what those patterns are, because it will teach you a
lot about, you know, where your self worth is sitting.
It will teach you a lot about where your beliefs
are sitting. It will show you so much that you
would have never realized. You would have just thought probably
that it was their fault or wrong time or whatever
it is. But when you really look at it deeply,
you will find that there's a pattern or something that's
(19:36):
coming up, Yes, that has been repeatedly coming up, and
it probably comes up in your other relationships. Might come
up with how you treat money, It might come out
with how you navigate your career whatever it is, and
that will show you so much.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
And keep in mind, this is not easy to do.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
It's not fun and light work to look at all
of the things that are you know, quote unquote wrong
with you, aren't the best part of you. It's a
bit of a tough process, and it takes a bit
of like a swallowing your pride and being like, actually,
the last three situationships I've had, yeah, I actually did
bring that in that energy or I was doing this,
(20:15):
it's not you know, you do have to face it
and take some responsibility. But the good thing is that
everybody's in the same boat. Like, just because you realize
that you bring this thing in when you're when you're dating,
you're not a bad person or you're not the only problem. Like,
it's just taking some self responsibility, investing in yourself and
knowing that you want and deserve better and you're putting
(20:37):
in the time and effort to try and make sure
that happens in your future. It's choosing and investing in
yourself which will only bring good things for your future.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
And I think it's also not taking like understanding and
approaching this from a curiosity lens and not a shameful lens.
And also I've definitely gotten into the chat when I've
started to learn about self awareness and responsibility, where I
had then taken on all of the responsibility from every
dynamic that I had been in and being like, Okay,
well this is a mirror and I need to work
(21:09):
on this, and I've actually gone so far into that,
which again that is another part of self awareness that
I had to learn of my ego avoiding conflict because
then I could take all the responsibility and not bring
that up in communication or discussion, which was so powerful
in itself because I thought I was being, you know,
so self aware in the fact that I was taking
(21:29):
responsibility for my life and doing all of that, but
understanding what was your responsibility, what was their responsibility, and
being able to decipher that because every dynamic there's two
people at play, there's two you know, shadows, triggers, whatever
it is. So just like entering with curiosity and not
then going into like a shame spiral where you take
(21:50):
all of the responsibility because again it's like there's two
people in a dynamic. But if you allow that to
be a really powerful place of reference, so changing, and
if you think.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
About it, we're all just wounded people walking around with
beliefs we've gotten from childhood, playing out different things. Like
we're all just coexisting and having these same experiences, which
is trying to navigate life while we've got these different
beliefs and all these types of things. So having the
grace not shaming yourself and knowing that you know Georgie's
(22:23):
favorite QUOTEA is always like, keep your side of the
street clean. If everybody's got their stuff and everybody's wounded.
If you know that you feel responsible and like you're
taking care of yourself and your side of the street,
you'll feel confident going into dating someone because you're like, yes,
you've got your sheet and I've got my shit, but
I own my stuff, i know what it is, I'm
(22:44):
working on it, and I'm not going to let it project.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
All over you.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Just like being healthily kind of responsible and in control
of that. Again, don't worry about everyone else's stuff and
their side of the street. You deal with that when
you're dating. But if you've got your off on lock,
that's all you can really do.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
And this goes I think this whole chain of advice
really goes for dating and relationships, because the work doesn't
stop once you're in a relationship, or it doesn't stop
when you get to a certain age, or it is
forever growing and evolving. And just if you can have
a handle on that when you know you're as young
(23:22):
as possible and as early as possible, and really understand
how to navigate that, and I think also doing that
when you like, prior to dating, to be able to
do that when you're not in that because it's it's
hard to do when you're in a relationship because it
is so easy to project on that person's and you're
dealing with also taking care of their communication and their
(23:44):
needs and their desires. And if you can kind of
get a handle on that and really understand yourself before
you get into a relationship, that would be so powerful.
Like imagine that. Imagine coming into a relationship and understanding
yourself so much that you just enterdits from such a
grounded place because then you do have a whole other
(24:05):
person going through this exact same experience. Yes, to then
be able to find harmony in balance with all of that.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Switch gears a little bit now into relationships. If you're
in a relationship, just always having this at the forefront
of your mind because it is. It's like your greatest
lifelong self development project is being in a relationship because
you're constantly working on yourself. You're constantly working on this
relationship that you have together. And I think like having,
(24:38):
you know, setting the intention of maybe having some check ins,
like maybe once a month or once every couple of months,
you sit down and you both kind of talk about
how you're feeling or maybe what you might need in
a relationship, and just having that constant checkpoint because if
you just let it go and you never talk or
think about it, you get more triggered and more triggered
and more triggered, and all of a sudden, it's form
(25:00):
slater and you want to rip your head off. And
they don't know why you're angry, you don't know why
they're ignoring you.
Speaker 4 (25:05):
Whatever.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
It is like just keeping that communication alive and constant
and yeah, scheduling in time for that to happen.
Speaker 4 (25:14):
It sounds like.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
So corporate, but it's it's investing in your relationship and
making sure that you both feel good.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
I know that everyone says this, but communication is literally everything,
and not just communication when things are shit, not just
like coming from a reactive place and only discussing things
when things are going wrong, but really, like I feel
like I went through this process maybe like six months
(25:42):
ago with Benny. I was finding myself getting really triggered
and like that. I think it was something to do
with my love language or something like that wasn't being
as its.
Speaker 4 (25:52):
Being like, what's your love language?
Speaker 2 (25:54):
But there was something going on where I just wasn't
feeling like all of my needs were being met and
saying like this is the part of learning the dynamic
with someone, you will consistently go through this. And I
had to sit down with myself and be like, have
I actually communicated what I want? Have I actually communicated
what love looks like for me or what taking care
of me looks like for me? And I was like, no,
(26:15):
I've never sat down and gone through all of my
needs and what that really feels like for me. And
how is he supposed to know? Like he is, like
he's not a mind reader and I could never put
that onto him or be like you have to understand
all of this about me when I have never told
you like that is not fair. So I literally sat
down and wrote out all of the ways that I
(26:38):
felt loved and all of the ways that I felt
cared for and the things that he did that I
really appreciated that I maybe hadn't really said to him
because he shows me love in so many different ways.
And we had the most beautiful conversation because it was
from such a grounded energy. It wasn't from like where
in a fight, It wasn't anything like that. It was
(27:00):
just this really beautiful Hey, I want to really express
to you how I best feel loved, and I want
to hear how you best feel loved so that we
can both really make sure that we're showing each other
love in the ways that we feel it the most.
And we had the best conversation, and our relationship like
had never been stronger after that moment and just really
understanding each other's needs. And it was so beautiful because
(27:23):
I think in the past I had only ever really
communicated or had these sorts of conversations when when it
was like I wasn't getting this, or it was from
like a negative place or like rock bottom, like we're
in a fight kind of thing, whereas this was from
a place of hey, I want to just like really
(27:43):
have the most beautiful strongest relationship and really make sure
each other's feeling really loved. Let's chat about what our
needs and wants and desires are. And I think that's
something that so many people miss. I was even talking
to someone in the Rise community not long ago because
she was talking about a financial limiting belief she was
having with her partner and how she wasn't feeling financially
(28:04):
safe and secure with the way that he was handling money.
And I said, have you actually sat down with him
and told him what like financial security and safety means
for you or looks like for you, because he would
have had this whole upbringing with completely different financial beliefs
and patterns and all of those sorts of things. And
she's like, yeah, no, I never have, And she said
(28:24):
that was like something she'd never thought of. So I
think really communicating that as well, rather than just when
things aren't going right, it's so powerful. Yeah, that was
a bit of a tangent.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Really. Yes, I think a lot of the time, especially
as women, we just kind of expect that, you know,
our partners know our needs and they get it, and
we get pissed off if they don't. But even I
was listening to a podcast by Margarita Nazarenko, our favorite
gal who's coming on here. And she was saying, absolute queen,
Absolute queen. She was saying that for her birthday or whatever,
(29:01):
she just expected her partner to like surprise her and
have all these things and blah blah blah, and then
when he didn't, she was like so upset, But she
never communicated anything that she wanted.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
And you're so much better off. It doesn't mean you're any.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
Less worthy or they love you less that you had
to tell them. It's just no one's mind readers and
men don't know that you want a pink cake with
a butterfly on it for your birthday, like they cannot
read your mind, or that you like to be well
in touchneecap when you're you know whatever, it is like
they don't know, so you have to nicely have open
(29:37):
communication to tell them what you need to want.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
In saying that we obviously can only speak on a
male female relationship because that's all we've experienced. But in
saying that no one's a mind reader, like no one's
I and I think you and me like we are
such deep thinkers, like we think about everything in such
a what is the meaning of this? And and a
lot of people some people aren't like that. So I
(30:02):
think it's like, just understand that people think differently to you,
and it's okay to communicate your needs, and it's okay
to communicate what you want, regardless of who your partner
is or anything like that, or whether it's in a
friendship or whatever. It may be. Just ensuring that you
don't think they will just know what you want or
(30:23):
what you like, because they can only know if you
tell them.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Assuming makes an ass out of you and me. I
heard that once when I was like fifteen, and I've
never forgot it.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
Yeah, you really put it on a T shirt. I
might put on a hat, put on a wide brim hat.
But what do you feel like? Is your like the
number one? I guess in the last I don't know
six months say, because there'd be so many lessons. What's
your biggest lesson or biggest takeaway or what would you
(30:55):
want to tell the beautiful listeners people to have a
longstanding relationship, what's your number one thing?
Speaker 3 (31:04):
I have been with my boyfriend David, my beautiful boyfriend David,
for almost seven years, so it's been a hot minute
and we got together when we were like twenty one
or something, and we're now I'm twenty eight.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
He's thirty this year.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
So like, we've had so many different evolutions of each
other and different phases and growth. And we moved away
from where we grew up in Sydney. We moved away
to Brisbane first and then the Gold Coast, and we
had no one, like, we had no friends, no one else.
It was just like the two of us for a
lot of the time. So we've been through phases of
like we wish just to say, attached to the hip,
(31:39):
like literally being our only friend and just like everything
all the time, which I don't recommend because it's really
full on and intense.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
But we've been attached to the hip.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
We've had phases where we've been so disconnected, Like we've
had all of these different things, and I think, you know,
we've reached that point now they call it the seven
years or whatever. We've really had some serious conversations about like, Okay,
this isn't probably you know exactly how I want things
to be moving forward in the next phase of our lives.
You know, at the moment, we're both working hard and
(32:08):
have a lot on because we've we've bought a house
and we're both like in our careers and stuff. So
we had a really serious chat the other day and
we sat down and we're like, okay, like what do
we do like moving forward, how do we make sure
that we are connected and everything's good so that we're
both fulfilled in the relationship. And we actually asked chat
gpt for some relationship connection advice because we were kind
(32:32):
of getting nowhere in the conversation and we're like, we
need an outsider's perspective or some tips or something. So
we said to chat gpt, this is the situation, what
should we do, like how like set us up? What's
what do we do? And it spat out the best
go off chat go of off chatty. It gave us
like questions, communication styles, what to say back after that
(32:55):
person spoke like yes, okay, I understand that you need this,
which was so good because you could hear that they
were listening to you and what they needed. And it
gave us like the next few weeks like try this,
do this each week, like show each other you love
each other by you know, like.
Speaker 4 (33:09):
Doing this, and it was so good.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
And since having that conversation and implementing chat GPT's advice.
Speaker 4 (33:17):
It's been good.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
It's been so much better, and it's really helped us
prioritize what we need to feel connected and stuff moving forward.
So I think on saying that, my biggest advice would
just be, yeah, really to like sit down and touch base,
because we are all like individuals living our own lives
and it can so easily just you know, slip apart,
(33:40):
especially if you've got kids. I think you know, you
hear so much like parents are focusing on the kids
and trying to keep the house going and all this stuff.
But it's an investment, like you have to put time
and effort into the relationship. Think that's something I really
learned is that just because you're together and you've been
together a long time doesn't mean that you'd just be
(34:00):
sweet forever and you're going to always be love and connected,
Like you have to constantly work on it.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Literally, And I think the biggest thing is from my experience,
there's no relationship that's ever going to be perfectly. You
are co creating a life with another human that again
is living for the first time and is experiencing their
own limiting beliefs and desires and needs, and you have
to continuously choose them, continuously show up, choose the different
(34:29):
versions of them, and know that you know things might
be hard and you'll have to have hard conversations and
they'll trigger you when things will come up. But it's
about understanding that, Okay, I'm going to keep choosing you,
and I'm going to keep showing up for you, and
I want to work through this and I'm not expecting
you to meet me a one hundred percent of what
I need because it's a balance and it's like finding
(34:51):
that harmony and co creating together. And I also think
it's so important. This is like my biggest tiar I'll
just jump on in there is never stop dating, Like
never stop dating, because I think, especially when you live
with your partner, you can just so easily slip into
the roommate phase and so easily slip into like not
(35:14):
having that like affection and all of those sorts of
things that makes your relationship a relationship. And I think
like the number one thing like me and my partner
are so big on is making sure we have at
least one thing a week where we get out of
the house and do something together and just have time,
just us off our phones and have a date, have
that connection, time, have that romance. And like also like
(35:39):
I know we're big on having little things where you
were in the dating phase of like getting flowers or
writing letters or those sorts of things, and it makes
the world of difference, Like it seems so small. But
sometimes all you need is just that little bit, a
couple of hours of connection and just you time away
from the house choice choice choice, house choice, away for
(36:00):
the house chores and all those sorts of things to
just like get back to being in that like dating,
lustful moment, love, the little love birds on the beach.
What I don't know, it's just so important, Like I
think that's the biggest thing is just don't forget.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
Don't forget. And also on the on the note of
having a little fun, don't forget. Make sure you're filling
up your own cup, you know as well within a relationship,
like have your own hobbies, both go out with your friends,
like do things so important that fill you up as
a person, because you are an individual in a partnership,
you're not just the partnership like you do you Sometimes
(36:42):
we get caught up on like G and D or
like Jamie and Bennie. But it's like you are Jamie,
here's Benny. You have your differences and your own interests separately,
and then you come together and beautifully compliment each other.
So make sure you are filling up your own cup.
You've got your own hobbies and things, don't always come
home and just like work, dump or you know, all
the things, like have a bit of that sacredness in
(37:05):
the partnership and then talk to your friends and stuff
about other stuff. It just keeps it a bit more
like I don't want to say mysterious, but it just
keeps it a bit more, you know.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
And I think also like allow your partner to have
that too, Like don't feel upset or rejected or whatever
it is if they want to go out and have
a night with their friends and do things on their own,
because it allows them to have their own life and
fill up their own cup and things like that too.
I think sometimes there can be this weird energy of
(37:35):
like they're leaving me to go out and you know,
do whatever. But it's so important for us both to
have our own lives. To just allow them to have
that too, and don't feel like it's a reflection on
the relationship because it's just so important, like something better
than a good old girl's night.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
And then half the time when they come back from
or you come back from separate blands, you're like more
appreciative of them and you're like, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
And they're thriving and they're cups full, and then they
have more to give you from overflow rather than it
just being like scrape in the barrel, they haven't filled
their cup up?
Speaker 4 (38:07):
So should we become relationship experts? Week should go on maths?
We could be the experts on maths.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
I haven't seen maths, so I was like, we've already
got partners. I feel like that's we should got married
for because I was like, I.
Speaker 4 (38:24):
Was like lost.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
I was like, I don't think many and Dave would
like that, but it may make them be contestints to
and then we get paired together. I meant, I haven't
seen it as a relationship experts. I feel like I
could talk about this for forever, because when you're in
a good place mentally and understand that relationships can be
(38:47):
We didn't even get into the whole mirrors thing, but
maybe we'll leave.
Speaker 4 (38:49):
That we can do, we could do. If you've got.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
Another episode, send in your questions because I think there's
a whole and it's probably a whole episode in itself
of what your partner can show you, reveal, teach you,
and help you heal. We'll do that in another one,
but they are our best top tips for relationship and dating.
Speaker 3 (39:07):
If you've got any more questions, please send them in.
This is just our you know, advice and two cents
from what we've learned and our experiences and stuff. So
everyone's different, Everyone's got their own opinions and things, but
thanks for listening to ours. Hopefully this was somewhat helpful. Again,
give us any comments and feedback. We love to hear
(39:28):
you so and.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
If you did love the show, if you did shove
us a review, we want to hear from you. All right,
We'll see you in our next episode.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
Love you,
I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the
land on which this episode is being recorded, the Combomb
Merry people. They've been having conversations and telling stories on
this land for thousands of years, and we show our
gratitude and respect for their contribution to our environment and culture.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
We are doing an episode our Dating, Our Relationship.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
Welcome back everyone to the in Between with Georgina and Jamie.
We are so excited to be back in your ears.
We love recording these episodes, we really do, honestly. And
today we have a question that you guys wrote in
for us. Someone wrote in not everyone and said they
want to know about dating and relationships and relationships. But
(00:51):
Jamie and I decided because we're probably not the best
people for pure dating advice because we've both been out
of the game for quite a while. But we can
talk about the mindset behind dating and like the self
development side of that. But we're also going to dive
into relationships.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
And how to have a healthy, happy, long term relationship
and what that looks like from a personal development side,
because I truly feel like being in a relationship is
one of the biggest self development self growth journeys. You
go on because you're trying to figure out life with
another human that has their own wounds, their own triggers,
(01:27):
their own beliefs, and trying to merge all of that
and find harmony in a life. And also your partners
will be your biggest mirrors and they're going to trigger
out the fuck out of you.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
They really are. I'm in this stage at the moment
with my partner Dave. The way he sneezes, it's always
the littlest it's the littlest. I don't know what it is,
but when he sneezes, I'm like, can you please not
sneeze like that?
Speaker 4 (01:51):
What is it?
Speaker 2 (01:52):
I'm gonna need some video.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
Oh, I'll get it for you.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
It's like in the Facebook green how some people sneeze
really externally. And it's like but also like he can't
help that. I understand, and he's like a little stay.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Me, stop snoozing like that.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
No, I'm just kidding, But you know, like you go
through therese different things that happens, you get triggered by
different things, and you're both individuals on your own growth
and discovering journey kind of like choosing to do life
together side by side. So There's lots of stuff that
comes with that that I feel like isn't really talked
about enough, and we get caught in these loops, you know,
(02:28):
seeing relationships on Instagram and seeing how perfect everything can
always look. And again this is always highlight reels, and
sometimes you know, the behind the scenes, the arguments, the
choosing each other over and over again, that isn't shown
or talked about enough.
Speaker 4 (02:42):
So I need to do.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
That and how to navigate that and really how it
can be the biggest blessing when you understand what feeling
triggered by your partner means and what that's actually revealing
within yourself, because it is actually such a blessing to
be able to then see those things in yourself and
heal things that you probably wouldn't have been able to
notice or heal on your own. So we're going to
(03:06):
get into that, but before we do, should we give
a little life update. We're just two girls on the
podcast giving me advice, and we don't like we haven't
really shared too much about us, So why.
Speaker 4 (03:18):
Are you the bloody?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
How you've been up too lately? Well, I feel like
life has been full throttle at the moment. Moving house,
Ron c is popping off business my clients, Like, there's
just so much happening. But I am fully embracing it's
the season that I'm in and loving every second even
though it's scary and hard and you know, all those
(03:41):
things as well, but trusting.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
That it's all working out.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
You know, about ten to mine. I keep pulling the
card lucky Girl era, so things are looking up.
Speaker 4 (03:49):
Things are looking up.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Now, may be scared, but I keep pulling that card.
So it's all working out. So yeah, I feel like,
but you've been much the same. Hey, life's been. It's
all happening.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Jamie and I were saying, yes that, like we keep
saying there's so much happening right now, there's so much
happening right now. Maybe that's just not so much. Maybe
that's just normal.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
Or you know our classic Oh it's been a crazy month.
I can't believe it's today, Like just for the last
two years, every single.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
Month, like God, so much happened is I think we
just need to stop saying that because it's normal.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
But what if I saw this girl talking on her
Instagram story yesday and she was saying her client was
feeling so overwhelmed and She's like, what if you just
changed flip the script and was like, I'm upgrading, and
we're just constantly upgrading. But I think it's just who
we are as people because we are always striving for more.
We're always trying to better our ourselves. We're always trying
(04:40):
to you know, excel in all the things in life.
So we keep attracting that because we bring it into
our life, like we're the only common denominator here.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
I know, but I want less.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
I want simple, Like I am a bit tired of
having fifty things on my to do list after I
finish work that I never get through.
Speaker 4 (04:59):
I'm being a bit here. I'm sorry, everybody, Sorry, but
I want simple.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
But you'd say that, and I bet you'd be bored.
I hate it after a day, he trust me. You
just the grass is always green on them side. You've
got to learn to water now, I know.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
We're just.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Hey, you've been in this with me, shut up the.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
Last I know. Then I keep reminding myself, like like
I truly keep saying to myself, I asked for this.
I asked to have a full time job and work
and have a business. I asked to move house. I
asked to have all these things. I've got to embrace
it and be grateful because the alternatives if not having
those things, and I love them. So it is, but
(05:38):
there's also room for you can feel what you want
to feel. You know, like you don't have to always
be toxically positive, not saying that you are, but like,
I feel like the time, we're always like you have
to be grateful and you have to be happy. Like
sometimes you can just have it.
Speaker 3 (05:52):
We feels where you're like, you know what, I'm really
tired and exhausted and I want to be a little
bit like Sooki for a week and then you pick
up and you move on and you're all good again.
Speaker 4 (06:01):
Sometimes it's like that though.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
So sometimes it happens in the same cycle every month.
You're so overwhelmed because you're like and then oh, just
kind of a period.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
Yeah, give yourself grace because you know, especially women hormones,
sometimes you can be like thriving and you're like so
happy and upbeat and positive, and other weeks like Jamie,
this week is nauseous every five seconds, She's like, well,
she's like too much.
Speaker 4 (06:26):
It's the vibe.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
It's the hormonal vibe. Anyways, enough about what we've been
up to. Let's get into what you're all here for,
dating and relationships.
Speaker 4 (06:35):
The juice, kure, the music.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
Let's start with dating. So it's been a while since
we've actually officially dated, but we know a lot about
you know, in terms of being a human and the
things that you should probably work on and go into dating.
A lot of it is about the mindset, you know.
You see a lot of people that really want a partner,
they want to kind of complete that other half of them.
(07:03):
But we think so strongly that it's really important to
go in as a whole person first, do the work
on yourself first, and so then you can seek out
that person out of curiosity and complementing yourself as opposed
to desperation.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
I think it's also important to note though you won't
always go into a relationship with everything healed and all
your like. That is a part of going through self
development your whole life, but kind of coming in from
it at the energy of I'm so happy on my own,
I've filled up my cup so much, I've given myself
the love. So you are coming into that, you know,
(07:42):
dating scene and everything like that from a place of
not from a place of wounding or not from a
place of all except whatever I can get, because I
just don't want to be on my own, because that's
when you'll have a relationship that you don't get the
love you deserve, you don't get treated the way you should,
and we are not having that. No, And if you
(08:02):
are queens and you deserve the world.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
If you're kind of hearing this and being like, oh,
that's me a little bit, just reflect and you'll notice
that if you've gone into you know, dating or situationships
and you have had a bit of that energy, maybe
the same cycles happened a few times. Maybe you've been
through this same process and you're kind of like, what
is going on? Why can't I find this personal? Why
(08:24):
isn't it working out? I feel like a lot of
the time this is lessons and it's like something you
need to heal or work on before you meet that
right person at the right time. But all of it
it's just a big like it's a chance to improve yourself,
to work on things, to have things highlighted that you know,
lessons that you need to work on. So again, if
(08:46):
you take it as like a curiosity, I'm going to
learn so much from this as opposed to like the
desperate energy.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Yeah, it's like such a different place to be. And
because I know before I had my first boyfriend, like
I held out for a while into I think I
was like twenty one when I had my first boyfriend,
which was like after all of my other friends, which
is fine, but I was very, very hell bent on
the fact that I was going to be happy within myself,
(09:15):
give myself all of the love, give everything that I needed,
so then that person would be from overflow and they
would add to my life. It wasn't they were completing
my life or they were giving me something I couldn't
give myself. So I was probably a bit like hell
bent on that. I was like, I have to have this,
which it definitely doesn't have to be that way. But
(09:35):
I then had such, you know, a beautiful experience within
that relationship because it was from such overflow. It was
I was so happy on my own that they were
adding to my life in such from such a good place.
So I think there's so much like hidden power within
that and hidden beauty within that that people don't really
speak about enough. And you hear it a lot when
(09:55):
people are going through breakups. Like give yourself the love
that you deserve and focus on you and everything will happen.
But it truly is like if you're on your own
and you're not necessarily in a breakup or anything like that,
like make sure you are giving yourself everything that you
would want someone else to give to you too. So
then it is from that really beautiful energy.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
And I feel like when you're approaching it that way,
you can kind of go in with standards rather than expectations,
like you know what you will and won't accept. You
know what you want in a relationship, how you want
to feel, because you're not willing to accept anything less
because you know that you're not relying on that. So
then you go in with these standards and boundaries that
(10:38):
are healthy as opposed to having these like toxic expectations
that might be unrealistic because you just want so much love,
but actually you're supposed to get half of that from yourself,
so you're placing it all on this other person, which
is just it's not going to work out. That's why
a lot of the time, you know, doing this kind
of work before, it's to set you up in right levels,
(11:00):
and you know, so that you can give and take
in the dating and have that nice balance so it's
not just all taking taking. You know, you're in that
good place to do a bit of both.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
And from like a shadow work lens or a lens
of what you kind of your subconscious will attract into
your life. In the dating world and in a relationship world,
you will actually call in someone that like reveals your
mirrors and reveals your triggers and reveals your wounds because
you are choosing, like you choose love from a wounded place.
(11:32):
That's how that's how we seek out love and affection
from things maybe we didn't have as a child or
whatever it is. So to be able to navigate that
and go through that personal growth journey, you know, you're
choosing someone who's aligned for your higher self, not someone
that's aligned to maybe your wounded self or whatever it is,
(11:52):
because that's kind of where we always choose love from
and what we accept love from.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Yeah, And that's like, you know, you hear people saying, like, oh,
my type or whatever it is, and they've ended up
choosing their type so many times and all of those
relationships haven't worked out, and then something happens and they
meet this unexpected person who's not their type, and they
end up being their soul way and the best person
because their type was formed based on all of these
(12:18):
things from their past, their wounds out of a bad place.
And then you get stuck in that cycle looking for
that same person that you think is you're right, but
it's actually not. And then it takes someone like that
to surprise you to be like, oh wow, they actually
really value this and this and this.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
I just wasn't open to it.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
And it's not to say that you have to go
through you know, self growth before you're in a relationships,
because like we are always there's always wounds that we
need to heal, no matter what where we're at in
life or how old we are, whatever it is, there's
always a deeper laye of layel l laale. There's always
a deeper level of wounding to go through. But it's
just to then approach the dating scene from your best
(13:01):
self at that time, because then there's always going to
be more things you're going to move through a way.
So it's not to say.
Speaker 3 (13:06):
Like no, but I feel like it would just give
you that confidence and that attractive appeal if you're using
I know who I am, and I know what I
will and won't stand for. That's gonna like that will
be attractive. Yes, that energy in people think about someone
that you know that's got that, just like magnetic energy.
Speaker 4 (13:26):
It's that.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
So if you're going in and you're like, this is
who I am, this is what I want, here's what
I kind of want from you, we can have all
this fun together, blah blah blah. I just think that
would be such a better foundation to start on.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
And I think even from like a dynamic situation of
going in with that energy too, and you not coming
in with that like I'll sit my plans around you
or I'll make it work in whatever way, because then
you know that person will understand that they have you
whenever they need you, and they won't really treat you
(14:03):
with you know, time, respect, and all of those sorts
of things. So coming in with that energy and being
really strong in that and strong in your boundaries, knowing
what you're after and what you're looking for, you're going
to have such a different experience with the dating world,
really them understanding that you're the prize.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
Yes, and also, like you hear so many negative stories
about the dating pool and scene but it's like a
lot of the time, I'm sure people put, you know,
a lot of the blame on other people and say
Craig or Sally or whoever, like was this or this
or this, But it's like, if these things keep happening,
a bit of tough love, but it is a reflection
of like not right here either, I'm going for the
(14:41):
wrong people.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
I'm going in with the wrong approach.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
And I told someone recently, I was having this conversation
with someone I know who's dating, and I said, pitch
me right now who you are and say only positive things.
Tell me a bit about who you are, what you've
got to offer, and say it only positively, And she couldn't,
you know, And it's like, how can you go into
dating like that? Then if you even show off, you're
(15:05):
kind of you know, because it is the first little
bit you are kind of like peacocking a little bit.
You're like, I'm this great person, like blah blah blah.
You kind of go with your best cards forward truthfully
and authentically. But you do so, then if you aren't
even really sure of what you've got to offer, or
you can't figure out the good things about you, it's
like you know, it's not really going to end in
(15:27):
the healthiest, most valuable dating experience, I don't think.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
And if you also see your own self worth at
that low point, you will accept less, Like you will
accept any little bit of love or any little like
dropping of anything because you don't think you're worthy of more. So,
really like leaning into you are the prize, you are
the queen or king, you are the price whatever, and
(15:53):
that you are worthy of the love and everything, Like you're.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
That has to believe it. Yes, not them, It's not
the people you're dating. It's you that has to believe
that first. Yeah, So what do you think if there's
someone who's dating and they're listening to this and they're like, yes,
I want to do this work, but like what is
the work? What do I do? What do you recommend?
Is things they can do before they start dating or
color for themselves?
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Well, I mean, there's it's so hard because there's so
much out there. There's so many podcasts, courses, and I
think a lot of the time that is also a distraction.
I think understanding Like sometimes I'm like, you find one
person that you really resonate with and you listen to
that and you don't go into because you could whatever
belief you have, you could find someone that supports it,
(16:41):
you know kind of thing. So if you go and
listen to absolutely everything out there, you're probably going to
end up in self development paralysis where you don't actually integrate.
And I was actually talking to Cinder about this to
the other day, and she's like, people just they feed
their minds with podcasts and all that, but they don't
actually integrate or change anything. They just wear it as
a badge of that. I listen to all of these
(17:01):
different things, which is amazing, but then nothing shifts because
they don't actually do the work to integrate. So I
think the best thing is understanding and learning self reflection
and looking at, you know, the because every relationship in
your life is a mirror. Looking at all of the
relationships you have, whether that's with family or friends, colleagues,
whoever it is, and really look at the parts that
(17:24):
you're feeling triggered by them or maybe you're judging them
for and you will find the parts in you that
your relationships are revealing to you that need to be healed.
So going and looking at those things and then getting
a journal or however you kind of self reflect and
writing down what is this relationship teaching me, what is
(17:46):
this relationship showing me, and starting to look into those
things that you could heal, so you're not bringing in
another dynamic that is going to play into that.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Yeah, I agree, I love that, And I think also
giving yourself the space to do that because often the thoughts,
the reflections, all of these things coming in when you've
got the space and mental capacity for it. Like that's
why sometimes when you're driving or you're in the shower
and nothing else is going on, these things pop in
your head because you've got a bit of this space
(18:16):
and calm for it. So if you're in this process
right now, if this is your reality, like being on
the dating scene, trying to work on yourself, just make sure,
you know, maybe every Saturday or Sunday morning you take
yourself and get a coffee and go to the beach
and just sit there with the journal and just kind
of see what comes out, or you know, listen to
something and then think about it afterwards. Like, really give
yourself the time and space to reflect and think about
(18:40):
maybe some little changes you can make, or some action
steps you can do, or if you have some high
vibe friends talk to them about it and be like,
what do you think? How could I work on this?
You know, just to kind of have those conversations. I
think that's really meaningful.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
And I think also look at if you have this
or not, your dating history, So what is how happened
in previous relationships, previous situationships, what has gone on, what
has been the biggest you know, maybe fights that you've
had or conversations that you've had or things that have
gone wrong, or what kind of energy will you coming
into the situation from And start to really look at
(19:15):
what those patterns are, because it will teach you a
lot about, you know, where your self worth is sitting.
It will teach you a lot about where your beliefs
are sitting. It will show you so much that you
would have never realized. You would have just thought probably
that it was their fault or wrong time or whatever
it is. But when you really look at it deeply,
you will find that there's a pattern or something that's
(19:36):
coming up, Yes, that has been repeatedly coming up, and
it probably comes up in your other relationships. Might come
up with how you treat money, It might come out
with how you navigate your career whatever it is, and
that will show you so much.
Speaker 4 (19:50):
And keep in mind, this is not easy to do.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
It's not fun and light work to look at all
of the things that are you know, quote unquote wrong
with you, aren't the best part of you. It's a
bit of a tough process, and it takes a bit
of like a swallowing your pride and being like, actually,
the last three situationships I've had, yeah, I actually did
bring that in that energy or I was doing this,
(20:15):
it's not you know, you do have to face it
and take some responsibility. But the good thing is that
everybody's in the same boat. Like, just because you realize
that you bring this thing in when you're when you're dating,
you're not a bad person or you're not the only problem. Like,
it's just taking some self responsibility, investing in yourself and
knowing that you want and deserve better and you're putting
(20:37):
in the time and effort to try and make sure
that happens in your future. It's choosing and investing in
yourself which will only bring good things for your future.
Speaker 2 (20:48):
And I think it's also not taking like understanding and
approaching this from a curiosity lens and not a shameful lens.
And also I've definitely gotten into the chat when I've
started to learn about self awareness and responsibility, where I
had then taken on all of the responsibility from every
dynamic that I had been in and being like, Okay,
well this is a mirror and I need to work
(21:09):
on this, and I've actually gone so far into that,
which again that is another part of self awareness that
I had to learn of my ego avoiding conflict because
then I could take all the responsibility and not bring
that up in communication or discussion, which was so powerful
in itself because I thought I was being, you know,
so self aware in the fact that I was taking
(21:29):
responsibility for my life and doing all of that, but
understanding what was your responsibility, what was their responsibility, and
being able to decipher that because every dynamic there's two
people at play, there's two you know, shadows, triggers, whatever
it is. So just like entering with curiosity and not
then going into like a shame spiral where you take
(21:50):
all of the responsibility because again it's like there's two
people in a dynamic. But if you allow that to
be a really powerful place of reference, so changing, and
if you think.
Speaker 3 (22:01):
About it, we're all just wounded people walking around with
beliefs we've gotten from childhood, playing out different things. Like
we're all just coexisting and having these same experiences, which
is trying to navigate life while we've got these different
beliefs and all these types of things. So having the
grace not shaming yourself and knowing that you know Georgie's
(22:23):
favorite QUOTEA is always like, keep your side of the
street clean. If everybody's got their stuff and everybody's wounded.
If you know that you feel responsible and like you're
taking care of yourself and your side of the street,
you'll feel confident going into dating someone because you're like, yes,
you've got your sheet and I've got my shit, but
I own my stuff, i know what it is, I'm
(22:44):
working on it, and I'm not going to let it project.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
All over you.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
Just like being healthily kind of responsible and in control
of that. Again, don't worry about everyone else's stuff and
their side of the street. You deal with that when
you're dating. But if you've got your off on lock,
that's all you can really do.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
And this goes I think this whole chain of advice
really goes for dating and relationships, because the work doesn't
stop once you're in a relationship, or it doesn't stop
when you get to a certain age, or it is
forever growing and evolving. And just if you can have
a handle on that when you know you're as young
(23:22):
as possible and as early as possible, and really understand
how to navigate that, and I think also doing that
when you like, prior to dating, to be able to
do that when you're not in that because it's it's
hard to do when you're in a relationship because it
is so easy to project on that person's and you're
dealing with also taking care of their communication and their
(23:44):
needs and their desires. And if you can kind of
get a handle on that and really understand yourself before
you get into a relationship, that would be so powerful.
Like imagine that. Imagine coming into a relationship and understanding
yourself so much that you just enterdits from such a
grounded place because then you do have a whole other
(24:05):
person going through this exact same experience. Yes, to then
be able to find harmony in balance with all of that.
Speaker 3 (24:17):
Switch gears a little bit now into relationships. If you're
in a relationship, just always having this at the forefront
of your mind because it is. It's like your greatest
lifelong self development project is being in a relationship because
you're constantly working on yourself. You're constantly working on this
relationship that you have together. And I think like having,
(24:38):
you know, setting the intention of maybe having some check ins,
like maybe once a month or once every couple of months,
you sit down and you both kind of talk about
how you're feeling or maybe what you might need in
a relationship, and just having that constant checkpoint because if
you just let it go and you never talk or
think about it, you get more triggered and more triggered
and more triggered, and all of a sudden, it's form
(25:00):
slater and you want to rip your head off. And
they don't know why you're angry, you don't know why
they're ignoring you.
Speaker 4 (25:05):
Whatever.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
It is like just keeping that communication alive and constant
and yeah, scheduling in time for that to happen.
Speaker 4 (25:14):
It sounds like.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
So corporate, but it's it's investing in your relationship and
making sure that you both feel good.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
I know that everyone says this, but communication is literally everything,
and not just communication when things are shit, not just
like coming from a reactive place and only discussing things
when things are going wrong, but really, like I feel
like I went through this process maybe like six months
(25:42):
ago with Benny. I was finding myself getting really triggered
and like that. I think it was something to do
with my love language or something like that wasn't being
as its.
Speaker 4 (25:52):
Being like, what's your love language?
Speaker 2 (25:54):
But there was something going on where I just wasn't
feeling like all of my needs were being met and
saying like this is the part of learning the dynamic
with someone, you will consistently go through this. And I
had to sit down with myself and be like, have
I actually communicated what I want? Have I actually communicated
what love looks like for me or what taking care
of me looks like for me? And I was like, no,
(26:15):
I've never sat down and gone through all of my
needs and what that really feels like for me. And
how is he supposed to know? Like he is, like
he's not a mind reader and I could never put
that onto him or be like you have to understand
all of this about me when I have never told
you like that is not fair. So I literally sat
down and wrote out all of the ways that I
(26:38):
felt loved and all of the ways that I felt
cared for and the things that he did that I
really appreciated that I maybe hadn't really said to him
because he shows me love in so many different ways.
And we had the most beautiful conversation because it was
from such a grounded energy. It wasn't from like where
in a fight, It wasn't anything like that. It was
(27:00):
just this really beautiful Hey, I want to really express
to you how I best feel loved, and I want
to hear how you best feel loved so that we
can both really make sure that we're showing each other
love in the ways that we feel it the most.
And we had the best conversation, and our relationship like
had never been stronger after that moment and just really
understanding each other's needs. And it was so beautiful because
(27:23):
I think in the past I had only ever really
communicated or had these sorts of conversations when when it
was like I wasn't getting this, or it was from
like a negative place or like rock bottom, like we're
in a fight kind of thing, whereas this was from
a place of hey, I want to just like really
(27:43):
have the most beautiful strongest relationship and really make sure
each other's feeling really loved. Let's chat about what our
needs and wants and desires are. And I think that's
something that so many people miss. I was even talking
to someone in the Rise community not long ago because
she was talking about a financial limiting belief she was
having with her partner and how she wasn't feeling financially
(28:04):
safe and secure with the way that he was handling money.
And I said, have you actually sat down with him
and told him what like financial security and safety means
for you or looks like for you, because he would
have had this whole upbringing with completely different financial beliefs
and patterns and all of those sorts of things. And
she's like, yeah, no, I never have, And she said
(28:24):
that was like something she'd never thought of. So I
think really communicating that as well, rather than just when
things aren't going right, it's so powerful. Yeah, that was
a bit of a tangent.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Really. Yes, I think a lot of the time, especially
as women, we just kind of expect that, you know,
our partners know our needs and they get it, and
we get pissed off if they don't. But even I
was listening to a podcast by Margarita Nazarenko, our favorite
gal who's coming on here. And she was saying, absolute queen,
Absolute queen. She was saying that for her birthday or whatever,
(29:01):
she just expected her partner to like surprise her and
have all these things and blah blah blah, and then
when he didn't, she was like so upset, But she
never communicated anything that she wanted.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
And you're so much better off. It doesn't mean you're any.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
Less worthy or they love you less that you had
to tell them. It's just no one's mind readers and
men don't know that you want a pink cake with
a butterfly on it for your birthday, like they cannot
read your mind, or that you like to be well
in touchneecap when you're you know whatever, it is like
they don't know, so you have to nicely have open
(29:37):
communication to tell them what you need to want.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
In saying that we obviously can only speak on a
male female relationship because that's all we've experienced. But in
saying that no one's a mind reader, like no one's
I and I think you and me like we are
such deep thinkers, like we think about everything in such
a what is the meaning of this? And and a
lot of people some people aren't like that. So I
(30:02):
think it's like, just understand that people think differently to you,
and it's okay to communicate your needs, and it's okay
to communicate what you want, regardless of who your partner
is or anything like that, or whether it's in a
friendship or whatever. It may be. Just ensuring that you
don't think they will just know what you want or
(30:23):
what you like, because they can only know if you
tell them.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Assuming makes an ass out of you and me. I
heard that once when I was like fifteen, and I've
never forgot it.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
Yeah, you really put it on a T shirt. I
might put on a hat, put on a wide brim hat.
But what do you feel like? Is your like the
number one? I guess in the last I don't know
six months say, because there'd be so many lessons. What's
your biggest lesson or biggest takeaway or what would you
(30:55):
want to tell the beautiful listeners people to have a
longstanding relationship, what's your number one thing?
Speaker 3 (31:04):
I have been with my boyfriend David, my beautiful boyfriend David,
for almost seven years, so it's been a hot minute
and we got together when we were like twenty one
or something, and we're now I'm twenty eight.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
He's thirty this year.
Speaker 3 (31:17):
So like, we've had so many different evolutions of each
other and different phases and growth. And we moved away
from where we grew up in Sydney. We moved away
to Brisbane first and then the Gold Coast, and we
had no one, like, we had no friends, no one else.
It was just like the two of us for a
lot of the time. So we've been through phases of
like we wish just to say, attached to the hip,
(31:39):
like literally being our only friend and just like everything
all the time, which I don't recommend because it's really
full on and intense.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
But we've been attached to the hip.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
We've had phases where we've been so disconnected, Like we've
had all of these different things, and I think, you know,
we've reached that point now they call it the seven
years or whatever. We've really had some serious conversations about like, Okay,
this isn't probably you know exactly how I want things
to be moving forward in the next phase of our lives.
You know, at the moment, we're both working hard and
(32:08):
have a lot on because we've we've bought a house
and we're both like in our careers and stuff. So
we had a really serious chat the other day and
we sat down and we're like, okay, like what do
we do like moving forward, how do we make sure
that we are connected and everything's good so that we're
both fulfilled in the relationship. And we actually asked chat
gpt for some relationship connection advice because we were kind
(32:32):
of getting nowhere in the conversation and we're like, we
need an outsider's perspective or some tips or something. So
we said to chat gpt, this is the situation, what
should we do, like how like set us up? What's
what do we do? And it spat out the best
go off chat go of off chatty. It gave us
like questions, communication styles, what to say back after that
(32:55):
person spoke like yes, okay, I understand that you need this,
which was so good because you could hear that they
were listening to you and what they needed. And it
gave us like the next few weeks like try this,
do this each week, like show each other you love
each other by you know, like.
Speaker 4 (33:09):
Doing this, and it was so good.
Speaker 3 (33:12):
And since having that conversation and implementing chat GPT's advice.
Speaker 4 (33:17):
It's been good.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
It's been so much better, and it's really helped us
prioritize what we need to feel connected and stuff moving forward.
So I think on saying that, my biggest advice would
just be, yeah, really to like sit down and touch base,
because we are all like individuals living our own lives
and it can so easily just you know, slip apart,
(33:40):
especially if you've got kids. I think you know, you
hear so much like parents are focusing on the kids
and trying to keep the house going and all this stuff.
But it's an investment, like you have to put time
and effort into the relationship. Think that's something I really
learned is that just because you're together and you've been
together a long time doesn't mean that you'd just be
(34:00):
sweet forever and you're going to always be love and connected,
Like you have to constantly work on it.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Literally, And I think the biggest thing is from my experience,
there's no relationship that's ever going to be perfectly. You
are co creating a life with another human that again
is living for the first time and is experiencing their
own limiting beliefs and desires and needs, and you have
to continuously choose them, continuously show up, choose the different
(34:29):
versions of them, and know that you know things might
be hard and you'll have to have hard conversations and
they'll trigger you when things will come up. But it's
about understanding that, Okay, I'm going to keep choosing you,
and I'm going to keep showing up for you, and
I want to work through this and I'm not expecting
you to meet me a one hundred percent of what
I need because it's a balance and it's like finding
(34:51):
that harmony and co creating together. And I also think
it's so important. This is like my biggest tiar I'll
just jump on in there is never stop dating, Like
never stop dating, because I think, especially when you live
with your partner, you can just so easily slip into
the roommate phase and so easily slip into like not
(35:14):
having that like affection and all of those sorts of
things that makes your relationship a relationship. And I think
like the number one thing like me and my partner
are so big on is making sure we have at
least one thing a week where we get out of
the house and do something together and just have time,
just us off our phones and have a date, have
that connection, time, have that romance. And like also like
(35:39):
I know we're big on having little things where you
were in the dating phase of like getting flowers or
writing letters or those sorts of things, and it makes
the world of difference, Like it seems so small. But
sometimes all you need is just that little bit, a
couple of hours of connection and just you time away
from the house choice choice choice, house choice, away for
(36:00):
the house chores and all those sorts of things to
just like get back to being in that like dating,
lustful moment, love, the little love birds on the beach.
What I don't know, it's just so important, Like I
think that's the biggest thing is just don't forget.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
Don't forget. And also on the on the note of
having a little fun, don't forget. Make sure you're filling
up your own cup, you know as well within a relationship,
like have your own hobbies, both go out with your friends,
like do things so important that fill you up as
a person, because you are an individual in a partnership,
you're not just the partnership like you do you Sometimes
(36:42):
we get caught up on like G and D or
like Jamie and Bennie. But it's like you are Jamie,
here's Benny. You have your differences and your own interests separately,
and then you come together and beautifully compliment each other.
So make sure you are filling up your own cup.
You've got your own hobbies and things, don't always come
home and just like work, dump or you know, all
the things, like have a bit of that sacredness in
(37:05):
the partnership and then talk to your friends and stuff
about other stuff. It just keeps it a bit more
like I don't want to say mysterious, but it just
keeps it a bit more, you know.
Speaker 2 (37:15):
And I think also like allow your partner to have
that too, Like don't feel upset or rejected or whatever
it is if they want to go out and have
a night with their friends and do things on their own,
because it allows them to have their own life and
fill up their own cup and things like that too.
I think sometimes there can be this weird energy of
(37:35):
like they're leaving me to go out and you know,
do whatever. But it's so important for us both to
have our own lives. To just allow them to have
that too, and don't feel like it's a reflection on
the relationship because it's just so important, like something better
than a good old girl's night.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
And then half the time when they come back from
or you come back from separate blands, you're like more
appreciative of them and you're like, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
And they're thriving and they're cups full, and then they
have more to give you from overflow rather than it
just being like scrape in the barrel, they haven't filled
their cup up?
Speaker 4 (38:07):
So should we become relationship experts? Week should go on maths?
We could be the experts on maths.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
I haven't seen maths, so I was like, we've already
got partners. I feel like that's we should got married
for because I was like, I.
Speaker 4 (38:24):
Was like lost.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
I was like, I don't think many and Dave would
like that, but it may make them be contestints to
and then we get paired together. I meant, I haven't
seen it as a relationship experts. I feel like I
could talk about this for forever, because when you're in
a good place mentally and understand that relationships can be
(38:47):
We didn't even get into the whole mirrors thing, but
maybe we'll leave.
Speaker 4 (38:49):
That we can do, we could do. If you've got.
Speaker 2 (38:51):
Another episode, send in your questions because I think there's
a whole and it's probably a whole episode in itself
of what your partner can show you, reveal, teach you,
and help you heal. We'll do that in another one,
but they are our best top tips for relationship and dating.
Speaker 3 (39:07):
If you've got any more questions, please send them in.
This is just our you know, advice and two cents
from what we've learned and our experiences and stuff. So
everyone's different, Everyone's got their own opinions and things, but
thanks for listening to ours. Hopefully this was somewhat helpful. Again,
give us any comments and feedback. We love to hear
(39:28):
you so and.
Speaker 2 (39:30):
If you did love the show, if you did shove
us a review, we want to hear from you. All right,
We'll see you in our next episode.
Speaker 3 (39:37):
Love you,
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