March 21, 2025 • 20 mins
- Tallest Tales
- Stephen K Amos
- Trouble In The Water
- Dirty Uncle
- Pants Down Funeral
- The $10,000 Winner
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
The Will and Woody Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Fresh from the Vaults at Fool's Paradise at the Adelaide
Fringe for our Tallest Tales competition ten thousand dollars for
someone with the best story, all thanks to Strongbow Woods.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
We found it. We found Australia's greatest story. Was it
the story about a dead dog? Was it about a
woman who lost her pants at her funeral? Was it
the woman who was hitting the head with a boat
propeller and that saved her life?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Yes, How the hell does that happen? Or was it
the woman with an incredibly sourcy uncle who died and
then all of these sexy secrets were revealed.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Got to say big, big shout out to everyone who
got on the stage.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
At the Fringe.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
You forget when you're there right like this has sold
out venue at a live comedy gig, like it is intimidating,
you know, for those mere mortals who don't know their
way around a microphone will for you and I like breathing,
but for a lot of people, that's a very scary,
very scary thing to do. So to Catherine, to Kelly,
to Steve and to Karen, thank you so much for
(01:11):
coming down and forgiving that a crack.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
It was.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
It was brilliant to see all you guys on stage
just yet rather actually came down to the fringe as.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Well, sold out and look, I mean why else.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
I mean Stephen k Amos was also on the stage headlining,
and that's where we're going to kick things off.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
He he had you in his sites will Yeah, unfairly
we I mean this this was kind of like it
was complimentary, complimentary in a way because he was admitting
to seeing some of our stuff on social media. Was
but unfortunately, through seeing our stuff on social media, he
used it as a vehicle to attack you. So if
you don't know Stephen Frye was once oh sorry, it
(01:48):
was on this radio show earlier this year, and he
is an absolute hero of yours. He is.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yeah, we had a very special moment. I got very
emotional when you go surprised me with him.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
I couldn't hear all that. Oh my gosh, I mean,
come on, for heaven's sake.
Speaker 5 (02:03):
After saying that, I had to fly over as fast
as I could.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Guys, I should probably tell you Stephen fry is actually
in the studio now. He's been in the station in
the entire time. Huge titch up on Will. It was
a quick flight, but it was worth it.
Speaker 6 (02:17):
Hello, thank you so much.
Speaker 5 (02:25):
At your service at any time, day or night.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
So nice to meet you, to meet you too.
Speaker 7 (02:31):
Oh my god, well done everyone.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
So so Stephen Frye brought you to tears.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
He did, will you meet your Hero?
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Pretty pretty rattling stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
And then Stephen Ks took the stage earlier.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
He had to point this out.
Speaker 6 (02:49):
I met Will and when he a number of times
over the years, and I.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Honestly thought that could laughed me.
Speaker 8 (02:56):
I did.
Speaker 6 (02:57):
I've been in studio an outside broadcast, and I thought
they loved me. That was up until I was in
London sort of middle of last year and I saw
but another.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Stephen appeared on this show. There is actually he got
from Will.
Speaker 6 (03:16):
Really pissed off.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Fry Is.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Will's the reason Will does what he does.
Speaker 6 (03:27):
I've been in that set with these boys, none of them.
Speaker 5 (03:33):
So you owe me, you owe me.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
Stephen k Amos, who we were so lucky that he
came down and he told us the story about when
he met the queen, and it really got the crowd warm.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Just before we play Stephen's story, I should probably mention
Stephen is British, but both his parents are Nigerian, and
that that really does matter when you have a listen
to this answer to a.
Speaker 6 (04:00):
Show, a show to meet the actual queen, God rest
her soul. And I said, my kind of comedy will
at work. They said you'll be fine, and they said
you'll meet the queen afterwards. I said really. They said yes. However,
when you meet the queen there are certain protocol And
I said, what is the protocol? They said, when you
meet the queen, don't look her in the eye, speak
only she speaks to you.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
And above all, you have to bow. And I was indiged.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
I was like, what be bow for?
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Never leave it giving you money.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
I'm not hen.
Speaker 6 (04:30):
No, in my eyes were all equal. I'm not going
to bow for anybody, ad laid. I was going to
stand my ground.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I finished the show.
Speaker 6 (04:39):
I'm on the line up on the stage with all
the other performers.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Folks, I see the queen.
Speaker 6 (04:44):
As soon as you gets in front of me, my
knees went. I bowed like a bitch.
Speaker 5 (04:53):
Thank you for everything, thank you for saving my paper.
I was this close to liking the back ever.
Speaker 8 (05:06):
Heard me.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
And putting it on an envelope.
Speaker 6 (05:15):
And it was at that same lineup show for the
Queen that I met Prince Harry for the first time.
This is the days before Meghan and in the lineup
he comes over to me and he said, oh, oh
the comedian, most amusing, but tell me you don't sound
like a black chap.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
And all right.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
In my head, I was like, what's our part?
Speaker 8 (05:40):
A found.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
That was in my head, but obviously, being very British,
what came out of my mouth was well, I think
it was so much say or so, whereas with hindsight,
what I should have said was you don't quite you
look like your father.
Speaker 6 (05:59):
Prince.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
He's wild, he's naughty. He told a great story there.
I should mention we just tuning in. Yes, as I
said before, he is British, but both his parents are Nigerian,
and I hope that does put a lot of those
gags into context.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
But look, we've got more from the Fringe right up.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Next, as we get into our four best stories from
our Tallest Tales competition, one of them is going to
take home ten grands and I should say I mentioned
this before to Captain poop Ben's our EP the story
that wins taps into one of the greatest conspiracies in
the last twenty years. Fresh from Fools Paradise at the
(06:46):
Adelaide Fringe woods for our Tallest Tales competition. Four great
stories over the course of this show. One of them
wins ten thousand dollars. All of these guys on stage,
big shout out to all of our storytellers. It was
a packed crown at a hell of an event.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Great crowd, wasn't it very right?
Speaker 5 (07:01):
Crowd?
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Energetic crowd. I remember it's the crowd that votes for
the best story, and besides, who wins the ten thousand dollars.
That's right. So without further ado, let's crack into story
number one.
Speaker 8 (07:14):
This is Catherine, something horrible that happened to you that
ended up being really good. Me backpacking back in the
eighties and I was in Thailand, and I decided before
I went home, i'd go scuba diving. Not many people
had their paddy license. I was partnered with this South
Londoner lad called Dave.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Anyway, as we.
Speaker 8 (07:34):
Went down about five meters, I started to realize that
something was wrong. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't get any
air out. I just could not breathe. And I'm saying
to my buddy, do you have to signal to your partner,
your buddy that you're in trouble.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
So I'm saying, Dave, I mean trouble. I have to
go up, and he's going yeah, like this to.
Speaker 8 (07:58):
Me, and I'm like no, no, no, no, no, me,
I'm in trouble.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
I have to go up.
Speaker 8 (08:03):
And he still didn't get it, and he's just like whatever, zoo,
And so I thought, I'm not going to be able
to buddy breathe with him. I just have to push
him forward, tell him to go to these people that
were ahead. And I go to the surface and as
I'm looking up and ascending, I see boats going everywhere.
(08:23):
How am I going to get up here without getting
hit by a boat? And as soon as I said that,
I got collected by boat in the back of my head.
The boat came smashing from behind and I was sort
of knocked and I could see stars, and basically I
could feel the boat going over the top of me.
(08:43):
Bang bang bang bang over the top, and I was
going the propeller, the propeller, and just at that moment,
my hair was like as I'm in water. My hair
got caught with the propeller, and I was swished around
and switched around, and switched around and switched around, cut
cut cut, cut cuts, choptop top, top, top everywhere, and
then the tank stopped the propeller. So I'm basically in
(09:06):
open water, blood everywhere. I have no idea how bad
I'm hit, but my head hurt like hell, and so
I knew I had to get back on the boat.
I knew I had to get to shore. I knew
I needed some attendance, so got them to get me
on the boat and I just demanded that guy take me.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
To shore, bandaged up.
Speaker 8 (09:28):
But fortunately for me is I was due to catch
a flight home back to Bangkok and then back to Australia,
and because I had an open head wound, I was
unable to fly and that flight crashed and there were
no survivors. So thank god I got hit by a boat.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
And that's my good forty story.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
What a yarn.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Unbelievable, really, And I mentioned earlier that taps into one
of the conspiracy theories of the last twenty years. I
think the flight that she missed was MH three seventy.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
Yeah, And the interesting thing about that was that that
plane wreckage has never been found.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Yeah, I know, great prize, ten thousand dollars for a
good yarn. Not bad.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
And this one, I mean, I particularly like this one
because I mean, it really shames a person who is
no longer with us. I'm not going to say anymore,
but here is Karen ruining the name of her family.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
So I want to tell you a story about my uncle.
Speaker 7 (10:30):
He was a really upstanding guy, very very well respected
by the community.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
You know, you walked down the street, every wanted to
be saying hello. He everyone loved him and that was lovely.
So few years ago he passed away. That's okay.
Speaker 7 (10:41):
We all had that happen, and we had the job
of going through his personal belongings. Now that was an
interesting process. So when we got there to this house,
we're going through everything.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
I should say, my uncle he was a military man,
very staunchly military. Why was I going through his bookshelf?
Now he read to worse when I was little. But
this is one that he actually didn't grieve to us,
and I'm disappointed. What shall I put in a hole?
Then we got to his record collection at the front.
Speaker 7 (11:12):
Yeah, you've got Doris Day, fra Lynn, all the classics,
London Symphony Orchestra, and then we get.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
To let's all join in a singalong for swinger parties,
the Art of Love and the Karma Sutra.
Speaker 9 (11:34):
Lovely, and then my favorite twenty immoral classics, featuring such
hits as Real Grand Rod and The Sexual Life of
the Camel.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Not sure how we look at that, So we get
to his draws. We're going to the draws. At the
inside his drawers, there's a lot of lists and things.
One of those.
Speaker 10 (11:59):
Lists included his porn list. Now, curiously, next to every
list is a name, a male name.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Come this week. I read my parents in the me
beginning of the week, and I say, look, I'm thinking
of applying for Will and what he's tallest tales? I think,
you know, Uncle Phil, he had a great life and
he's very funny. Let's put this out there. My mum
goes white, and so why not her name's a good guy.
He's just a dirty old cloture she is.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Yeah, there's a.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Little more to it than that. So that list of
men was the local men, my uncle, as it turns out,
who was.
Speaker 7 (12:37):
Running this family owned business loyally loved by the folks
around town.
Speaker 9 (12:42):
Was actually providing porn to all of the gentlemen in town.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
And I had absolutely no idea as a child, no
idea whatsoever. So he was the local porn dealer before
only fans. There was my uncle out the back of
the family business delivering porn to the gentleman. Now, I
thought nothing of it.
Speaker 6 (13:03):
When we got to his.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
General had his general. There's a lot of men, a
lot of men, a lot of men.
Speaker 10 (13:10):
I dedicate to my performance night too, mine uncle, who
I love very, very dearly, who first serviced his country
and then service his local community.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Strange thing to be on stage. It's a great story,
I mean, to everyone's delight.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
If it wasn't obvious, she had the props too, so
this is legit. There was sexy books, the saucy records.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
I think she was kind of embarrassed afterwards, like she
kind of cackled along a little bit in her seat.
But then we bumped into her at the hotel in
the lobby at the m suites where we were put up,
and she said that she was just going to head
off to her room.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
To finish the bottle of wine she'd opened. And I
swear I could hear the audio of one of those
Swingers records. Really, you haven't heard the fourth. It's a
woman called Kelly who became a little bit unpopular at
a funeral.
Speaker 11 (14:07):
All right, So I had a really good friend and
her father passed about a year ago. I'm about to
go and attend the most sad and important day of
my friend and her family's life. This day got my
parents hit on feeling good. But times against me, guys.
I'm running late, like I normally do. I get their
(14:28):
services outside on the lawn. It's been raining a few
days prior, it's actually raining.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
On the day.
Speaker 11 (14:34):
So I get out and I'm like, I'm legging it.
So I'm not running down in between these grades. I'm
running across them.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
That's it I'm going.
Speaker 11 (14:42):
So I start running out. I mean I'm running like
you're saying, bolt running one hundred meters at the Olympic side.
I'm punching it.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
So I'm just about there.
Speaker 11 (14:52):
I'm a few steps away from my goal, and then
all of a sudden, keep your mind has been raining.
All of a sudden, I get to like three feet
away from where I'm supposed to be, and the next minute,
the ground's gone from under me.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I'm actually upset here.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
In a grave.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Full of MUDs.
Speaker 11 (15:15):
My friend's mother is sobbing into her hands. My friend
she's looking at me, going what's the fire and shaking
her head on stream employees, come on, just step me
out of here. Someone help me. So I've got the
funeral director comes over one side, and then I've got
someone else on the other side, and they're like pulling
me up. I looked down and my underwear pants are
(15:39):
around ankle. I've got one shoe listen, and I'm like,
everything's out there.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
There ain't nothing else I can share.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
It's there, but you don't what.
Speaker 11 (15:55):
I pulled my pants up and I went and sat
on that chair that wasn't going to hear the bear
of me, and I fell on that chair all the
way through that service. Get those frumpy looks, listeners to
those people gigging and go and look at that idiot
sitting on that chair, and I was like, you know what,
I'm so sorry. Went up to the mother and that
(16:17):
she was like no, not having a bar of it.
My friend was like turned it back.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
So did this day?
Speaker 11 (16:25):
I texted them trying to apologize of my friend.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
I get up too soon. Yeah, and then you go
to a wake and everyone.
Speaker 11 (16:34):
And await, guys, is supposed to be talking about.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
You know, the good times with this person and everything
like that.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
No, it was about the meddle with.
Speaker 11 (16:42):
The fellow in the grave, rocked her trousers and had
one shoe on.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
What you had Karen who told the story about her
her uncle who after he passed away, she found out
that he was providing porn to the entire town, which
led to every male in the town being very emotional
at his funeral. We had Catherine who was run over
by a speed boat. Then because she was run over
(17:15):
by us.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Court boat, propeller stripped from her head.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
We saw the scars, We saw the scars, but because
she was run over by a boat, she missed her flight. Yes,
that flight went down, so been hit by a boat
saved her life, yes, and then we went down. That
is jumble incredible. We had Steve who had a dead
dog in a case stolen from him. Again, not important thing,
(17:39):
but we do think he just found that story online,
so maybe he was just retelling that. And then we
had Kelly who fell in a grave when she was
running to a funeral and when she was pulled out,
she lost her pants and then did the entire funeral pantless.
So great story, all great stories, all worthy winners, but
(17:59):
there it can only be one. The crowd voted, and
this will was the moment that you announced the winner.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Of willing Wood is Tassursive Peace. So the truly remarkable,
inconceivable story of Katherine on a holiday in Thailand getting
caught under a boat, nearly dying after she gets caught
(18:32):
in the boat's propeller, and then subsequently missing her flight
which goes down and certainly would have killed her, wins
the competition. Get rid of any sort of humor that
is just a jatz cracker of a yarn. You're not
going to get much better than that. And Katherine joins
us right now and well and what each is back? Katherine,
(18:54):
congratulations mate.
Speaker 8 (18:58):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
How are you going to spend the money? Katherine?
Speaker 8 (19:03):
I think I'm going to take my voice to Thailand
and get them to go scuba diving my children.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Yeah. Perfect, a really busy spot with lots of boats.
That sounds like exactly. Hey, Katherine, you also told me
after you came off the stage that when you were
speaking to your daughter. Your daughter asked you, which story
are you going to tell, which makes me think you've
got a lot of stories, Catherine.
Speaker 10 (19:29):
I do.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
I do have a few.
Speaker 7 (19:31):
Yes, Unfortunately you.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Told me there's one particular one about a tampon.
Speaker 6 (19:38):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Now it's probably not the time, next week, next week.
You have proven that you're an amazing storyteller, Catherine. So again,
congratulations from us and congratulations from strong boat.
Speaker 11 (19:58):
Thank you so much, Thanks Will.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Thanks pleasure mate. It was a hell of a ride,
a hell of a time. Great story. Honestly that that
is one of the best stories I've ever heard.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Captain.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
You really do deserve the money there. Incredible winmate, Thank you.
Speaker 8 (20:14):
I'm here to tell the tale at least.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
Yeah, I know, I know.
The Will and Woody Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Fresh from the Vaults at Fool's Paradise at the Adelaide
Fringe for our Tallest Tales competition ten thousand dollars for
someone with the best story, all thanks to Strongbow Woods.
Speaker 3 (00:18):
We found it. We found Australia's greatest story. Was it
the story about a dead dog? Was it about a
woman who lost her pants at her funeral? Was it
the woman who was hitting the head with a boat
propeller and that saved her life?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Yes, How the hell does that happen? Or was it
the woman with an incredibly sourcy uncle who died and
then all of these sexy secrets were revealed.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
Got to say big, big shout out to everyone who
got on the stage.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
At the Fringe.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
You forget when you're there right like this has sold
out venue at a live comedy gig, like it is intimidating,
you know, for those mere mortals who don't know their
way around a microphone will for you and I like breathing,
but for a lot of people, that's a very scary,
very scary thing to do. So to Catherine, to Kelly,
to Steve and to Karen, thank you so much for
(01:11):
coming down and forgiving that a crack.
Speaker 4 (01:13):
It was.
Speaker 2 (01:13):
It was brilliant to see all you guys on stage
just yet rather actually came down to the fringe as.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
Well, sold out and look, I mean why else.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
I mean Stephen k Amos was also on the stage headlining,
and that's where we're going to kick things off.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
He he had you in his sites will Yeah, unfairly
we I mean this this was kind of like it
was complimentary, complimentary in a way because he was admitting
to seeing some of our stuff on social media. Was
but unfortunately, through seeing our stuff on social media, he
used it as a vehicle to attack you. So if
you don't know Stephen Frye was once oh sorry, it
(01:48):
was on this radio show earlier this year, and he
is an absolute hero of yours. He is.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Yeah, we had a very special moment. I got very
emotional when you go surprised me with him.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
I couldn't hear all that. Oh my gosh, I mean,
come on, for heaven's sake.
Speaker 5 (02:03):
After saying that, I had to fly over as fast
as I could.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Guys, I should probably tell you Stephen fry is actually
in the studio now. He's been in the station in
the entire time. Huge titch up on Will. It was
a quick flight, but it was worth it.
Speaker 6 (02:17):
Hello, thank you so much.
Speaker 5 (02:25):
At your service at any time, day or night.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
So nice to meet you, to meet you too.
Speaker 7 (02:31):
Oh my god, well done everyone.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
So so Stephen Frye brought you to tears.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
He did, will you meet your Hero?
Speaker 3 (02:40):
Pretty pretty rattling stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
And then Stephen Ks took the stage earlier.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
He had to point this out.
Speaker 6 (02:49):
I met Will and when he a number of times
over the years, and I.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Honestly thought that could laughed me.
Speaker 8 (02:56):
I did.
Speaker 6 (02:57):
I've been in studio an outside broadcast, and I thought
they loved me. That was up until I was in
London sort of middle of last year and I saw
but another.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Stephen appeared on this show. There is actually he got
from Will.
Speaker 6 (03:16):
Really pissed off.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Fry Is.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
Will's the reason Will does what he does.
Speaker 6 (03:27):
I've been in that set with these boys, none of them.
Speaker 5 (03:33):
So you owe me, you owe me.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
Stephen k Amos, who we were so lucky that he
came down and he told us the story about when
he met the queen, and it really got the crowd warm.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Just before we play Stephen's story, I should probably mention
Stephen is British, but both his parents are Nigerian, and
that that really does matter when you have a listen
to this answer to a.
Speaker 6 (04:00):
Show, a show to meet the actual queen, God rest
her soul. And I said, my kind of comedy will
at work. They said you'll be fine, and they said
you'll meet the queen afterwards. I said really. They said yes. However,
when you meet the queen there are certain protocol And
I said, what is the protocol? They said, when you
meet the queen, don't look her in the eye, speak
only she speaks to you.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
And above all, you have to bow. And I was indiged.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
I was like, what be bow for?
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Never leave it giving you money.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
I'm not hen.
Speaker 6 (04:30):
No, in my eyes were all equal. I'm not going
to bow for anybody, ad laid. I was going to
stand my ground.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I finished the show.
Speaker 6 (04:39):
I'm on the line up on the stage with all
the other performers.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Folks, I see the queen.
Speaker 6 (04:44):
As soon as you gets in front of me, my
knees went. I bowed like a bitch.
Speaker 5 (04:53):
Thank you for everything, thank you for saving my paper.
I was this close to liking the back ever.
Speaker 8 (05:06):
Heard me.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
And putting it on an envelope.
Speaker 6 (05:15):
And it was at that same lineup show for the
Queen that I met Prince Harry for the first time.
This is the days before Meghan and in the lineup
he comes over to me and he said, oh, oh
the comedian, most amusing, but tell me you don't sound
like a black chap.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
And all right.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
In my head, I was like, what's our part?
Speaker 8 (05:40):
A found.
Speaker 4 (05:45):
That was in my head, but obviously, being very British,
what came out of my mouth was well, I think
it was so much say or so, whereas with hindsight,
what I should have said was you don't quite you
look like your father.
Speaker 6 (05:59):
Prince.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
He's wild, he's naughty. He told a great story there.
I should mention we just tuning in. Yes, as I
said before, he is British, but both his parents are Nigerian,
and I hope that does put a lot of those
gags into context.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
But look, we've got more from the Fringe right up.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
Next, as we get into our four best stories from
our Tallest Tales competition, one of them is going to
take home ten grands and I should say I mentioned
this before to Captain poop Ben's our EP the story
that wins taps into one of the greatest conspiracies in
the last twenty years. Fresh from Fools Paradise at the
(06:46):
Adelaide Fringe woods for our Tallest Tales competition. Four great
stories over the course of this show. One of them
wins ten thousand dollars. All of these guys on stage,
big shout out to all of our storytellers. It was
a packed crown at a hell of an event.
Speaker 3 (07:00):
Great crowd, wasn't it very right?
Speaker 5 (07:01):
Crowd?
Speaker 3 (07:02):
Energetic crowd. I remember it's the crowd that votes for
the best story, and besides, who wins the ten thousand dollars.
That's right. So without further ado, let's crack into story
number one.
Speaker 8 (07:14):
This is Catherine, something horrible that happened to you that
ended up being really good. Me backpacking back in the
eighties and I was in Thailand, and I decided before
I went home, i'd go scuba diving. Not many people
had their paddy license. I was partnered with this South
Londoner lad called Dave.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Anyway, as we.
Speaker 8 (07:34):
Went down about five meters, I started to realize that
something was wrong. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't get any
air out. I just could not breathe. And I'm saying
to my buddy, do you have to signal to your partner,
your buddy that you're in trouble.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
So I'm saying, Dave, I mean trouble. I have to
go up, and he's going yeah, like this to.
Speaker 8 (07:58):
Me, and I'm like no, no, no, no, no, me,
I'm in trouble.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
I have to go up.
Speaker 8 (08:03):
And he still didn't get it, and he's just like whatever, zoo,
And so I thought, I'm not going to be able
to buddy breathe with him. I just have to push
him forward, tell him to go to these people that
were ahead. And I go to the surface and as
I'm looking up and ascending, I see boats going everywhere.
(08:23):
How am I going to get up here without getting
hit by a boat? And as soon as I said that,
I got collected by boat in the back of my head.
The boat came smashing from behind and I was sort
of knocked and I could see stars, and basically I
could feel the boat going over the top of me.
(08:43):
Bang bang bang bang over the top, and I was
going the propeller, the propeller, and just at that moment,
my hair was like as I'm in water. My hair
got caught with the propeller, and I was swished around
and switched around, and switched around and switched around, cut
cut cut, cut cuts, choptop top, top, top everywhere, and
then the tank stopped the propeller. So I'm basically in
(09:06):
open water, blood everywhere. I have no idea how bad
I'm hit, but my head hurt like hell, and so
I knew I had to get back on the boat.
I knew I had to get to shore. I knew
I needed some attendance, so got them to get me
on the boat and I just demanded that guy take me.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
To shore, bandaged up.
Speaker 8 (09:28):
But fortunately for me is I was due to catch
a flight home back to Bangkok and then back to Australia,
and because I had an open head wound, I was
unable to fly and that flight crashed and there were
no survivors. So thank god I got hit by a boat.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
And that's my good forty story.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
What a yarn.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Unbelievable, really, And I mentioned earlier that taps into one
of the conspiracy theories of the last twenty years. I
think the flight that she missed was MH three seventy.
Speaker 3 (10:06):
Yeah, And the interesting thing about that was that that
plane wreckage has never been found.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Yeah, I know, great prize, ten thousand dollars for a
good yarn. Not bad.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
And this one, I mean, I particularly like this one
because I mean, it really shames a person who is
no longer with us. I'm not going to say anymore,
but here is Karen ruining the name of her family.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
So I want to tell you a story about my uncle.
Speaker 7 (10:30):
He was a really upstanding guy, very very well respected
by the community.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
You know, you walked down the street, every wanted to
be saying hello. He everyone loved him and that was lovely.
So few years ago he passed away. That's okay.
Speaker 7 (10:41):
We all had that happen, and we had the job
of going through his personal belongings. Now that was an
interesting process. So when we got there to this house,
we're going through everything.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
I should say, my uncle he was a military man,
very staunchly military. Why was I going through his bookshelf?
Now he read to worse when I was little. But
this is one that he actually didn't grieve to us,
and I'm disappointed. What shall I put in a hole?
Then we got to his record collection at the front.
Speaker 7 (11:12):
Yeah, you've got Doris Day, fra Lynn, all the classics,
London Symphony Orchestra, and then we get.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
To let's all join in a singalong for swinger parties,
the Art of Love and the Karma Sutra.
Speaker 9 (11:34):
Lovely, and then my favorite twenty immoral classics, featuring such
hits as Real Grand Rod and The Sexual Life of
the Camel.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Not sure how we look at that, So we get
to his draws. We're going to the draws. At the
inside his drawers, there's a lot of lists and things.
One of those.
Speaker 10 (11:59):
Lists included his porn list. Now, curiously, next to every
list is a name, a male name.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Come this week. I read my parents in the me
beginning of the week, and I say, look, I'm thinking
of applying for Will and what he's tallest tales? I think,
you know, Uncle Phil, he had a great life and
he's very funny. Let's put this out there. My mum
goes white, and so why not her name's a good guy.
He's just a dirty old cloture she is.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Yeah, there's a.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Little more to it than that. So that list of
men was the local men, my uncle, as it turns out,
who was.
Speaker 7 (12:37):
Running this family owned business loyally loved by the folks
around town.
Speaker 9 (12:42):
Was actually providing porn to all of the gentlemen in town.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
And I had absolutely no idea as a child, no
idea whatsoever. So he was the local porn dealer before
only fans. There was my uncle out the back of
the family business delivering porn to the gentleman. Now, I
thought nothing of it.
Speaker 6 (13:03):
When we got to his.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
General had his general. There's a lot of men, a
lot of men, a lot of men.
Speaker 10 (13:10):
I dedicate to my performance night too, mine uncle, who
I love very, very dearly, who first serviced his country
and then service his local community.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Strange thing to be on stage. It's a great story,
I mean, to everyone's delight.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
If it wasn't obvious, she had the props too, so
this is legit. There was sexy books, the saucy records.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
I think she was kind of embarrassed afterwards, like she
kind of cackled along a little bit in her seat.
But then we bumped into her at the hotel in
the lobby at the m suites where we were put up,
and she said that she was just going to head
off to her room.
Speaker 3 (13:45):
To finish the bottle of wine she'd opened. And I
swear I could hear the audio of one of those
Swingers records. Really, you haven't heard the fourth. It's a
woman called Kelly who became a little bit unpopular at
a funeral.
Speaker 11 (14:07):
All right, So I had a really good friend and
her father passed about a year ago. I'm about to
go and attend the most sad and important day of
my friend and her family's life. This day got my
parents hit on feeling good. But times against me, guys.
I'm running late, like I normally do. I get their
(14:28):
services outside on the lawn. It's been raining a few
days prior, it's actually raining.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
On the day.
Speaker 11 (14:34):
So I get out and I'm like, I'm legging it.
So I'm not running down in between these grades. I'm
running across them.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
That's it I'm going.
Speaker 11 (14:42):
So I start running out. I mean I'm running like
you're saying, bolt running one hundred meters at the Olympic side.
I'm punching it.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
So I'm just about there.
Speaker 11 (14:52):
I'm a few steps away from my goal, and then
all of a sudden, keep your mind has been raining.
All of a sudden, I get to like three feet
away from where I'm supposed to be, and the next minute,
the ground's gone from under me.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
I'm actually upset here.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
In a grave.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Full of MUDs.
Speaker 11 (15:15):
My friend's mother is sobbing into her hands. My friend
she's looking at me, going what's the fire and shaking
her head on stream employees, come on, just step me
out of here. Someone help me. So I've got the
funeral director comes over one side, and then I've got
someone else on the other side, and they're like pulling
me up. I looked down and my underwear pants are
(15:39):
around ankle. I've got one shoe listen, and I'm like,
everything's out there.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
There ain't nothing else I can share.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
It's there, but you don't what.
Speaker 11 (15:55):
I pulled my pants up and I went and sat
on that chair that wasn't going to hear the bear
of me, and I fell on that chair all the
way through that service. Get those frumpy looks, listeners to
those people gigging and go and look at that idiot
sitting on that chair, and I was like, you know what,
I'm so sorry. Went up to the mother and that
(16:17):
she was like no, not having a bar of it.
My friend was like turned it back.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
So did this day?
Speaker 11 (16:25):
I texted them trying to apologize of my friend.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
I get up too soon. Yeah, and then you go
to a wake and everyone.
Speaker 11 (16:34):
And await, guys, is supposed to be talking about.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
You know, the good times with this person and everything
like that.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
No, it was about the meddle with.
Speaker 11 (16:42):
The fellow in the grave, rocked her trousers and had
one shoe on.
Speaker 3 (16:53):
What you had Karen who told the story about her
her uncle who after he passed away, she found out
that he was providing porn to the entire town, which
led to every male in the town being very emotional
at his funeral. We had Catherine who was run over
by a speed boat. Then because she was run over
(17:15):
by us.
Speaker 2 (17:16):
Court boat, propeller stripped from her head.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
We saw the scars, We saw the scars, but because
she was run over by a boat, she missed her flight. Yes,
that flight went down, so been hit by a boat
saved her life, yes, and then we went down. That
is jumble incredible. We had Steve who had a dead
dog in a case stolen from him. Again, not important thing,
(17:39):
but we do think he just found that story online,
so maybe he was just retelling that. And then we
had Kelly who fell in a grave when she was
running to a funeral and when she was pulled out,
she lost her pants and then did the entire funeral pantless.
So great story, all great stories, all worthy winners, but
(17:59):
there it can only be one. The crowd voted, and
this will was the moment that you announced the winner.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Of willing Wood is Tassursive Peace. So the truly remarkable,
inconceivable story of Katherine on a holiday in Thailand getting
caught under a boat, nearly dying after she gets caught
(18:32):
in the boat's propeller, and then subsequently missing her flight
which goes down and certainly would have killed her, wins
the competition. Get rid of any sort of humor that
is just a jatz cracker of a yarn. You're not
going to get much better than that. And Katherine joins
us right now and well and what each is back? Katherine,
(18:54):
congratulations mate.
Speaker 8 (18:58):
Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
How are you going to spend the money? Katherine?
Speaker 8 (19:03):
I think I'm going to take my voice to Thailand
and get them to go scuba diving my children.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Yeah. Perfect, a really busy spot with lots of boats.
That sounds like exactly. Hey, Katherine, you also told me
after you came off the stage that when you were
speaking to your daughter. Your daughter asked you, which story
are you going to tell, which makes me think you've
got a lot of stories, Catherine.
Speaker 10 (19:29):
I do.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
I do have a few.
Speaker 7 (19:31):
Yes, Unfortunately you.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
Told me there's one particular one about a tampon.
Speaker 6 (19:38):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Now it's probably not the time, next week, next week.
You have proven that you're an amazing storyteller, Catherine. So again,
congratulations from us and congratulations from strong boat.
Speaker 11 (19:58):
Thank you so much, Thanks Will.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Thanks pleasure mate. It was a hell of a ride,
a hell of a time. Great story. Honestly that that
is one of the best stories I've ever heard.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Captain.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
You really do deserve the money there. Incredible winmate, Thank you.
Speaker 8 (20:14):
I'm here to tell the tale at least.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
Yeah, I know, I know.
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