April 15, 2024 • 16 mins
A question from a huge fan of one of our dead podcast ideas
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome out to the podcast. I'm excited to say woods
that today's question is not from a scandalous, curious card.
This this is a this is one of you guys
asking us this question.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Specifically Michael Big. Hello to Michael, who is an avid
podcast listener.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
I haven't heard this yet.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
No, Michael was a huge fan of the short lived
podcast that we used to do called dilf Dilemmas to
really pull the curtain down, guys. But we're doing this
thing where we were solving parenting issues and stuff from.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
A dad's perspective, which we were like, great, idea, Wow,
this hasn't really mean done astray yet.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
And then a very very funny, brilliant, awesome guy did
a dad podcast that was brilliant and I wasn't really
getting the clicks, and we're just kind of accept we
flew the white flag and we were.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
I think I think.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
We're not saying he copied it, by the way, he
was definitely recorded enough for it's just a shocking timing.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Total coincidence on the same I mean, great minds think alike.
I mean, if anything, I'm going to say it's a
compliment for us because we were like this is a
great idea, two young guys talking about dad issues. We're
both young dads. And then I think it, Yeah, I
think there was a news story about the fact that
Hamish Blake had made a podcast called How Other Dad's Dad?
(01:23):
I've listened to all, but it's brilliant, it's really it's
really good, really high profile guests.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Not to say ours wasn't great, but much better than ours,
like so much better than ours.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
And I think, yeah, I don't think we even thought it.
We were just like we saw the story like just
delete all, you know what. We think we had a
better name though. That's the one thing I saw that,
the one thing we had him on the name, which
was dilf dilemmas we should.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I've got his number.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
He haven't really interacted with it, but so I do
feel like I should send him a text and just
go mate, how you listen? Listen give him any just
don't give any You know what I'm talking about when
I say that you won the but you you definitely
won the battle.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
But we had a better name regards This is Woody
by the way.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
All the rest we have met now he knows anyway
you think so, yeah, definitely with with We've had chats,
We've we've had like like I always get.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
The vibe with him though that like whenever you like
he's almost he's so like out there like you and
I often just go silent around him anyway, So he just.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
Talks, but I go because I just like, I just
want to hear him. Why would I waste time with.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Talking? And he goes, yeah, yeah, So I think he
gets a bit sick of that. But anyway, maybe he's like,
oh my god, those guys we had a beach interaction.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
We've had a beach interaction.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
That's right, that's right where we got papped.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Yeah, we got got paped together.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
And it was just like Hamish blank talking to friends
and I was like, guys, I'm also in the industry
talking okay, so okay. A guy called Michael sorry back
on track here. He was a fan of DILF celemmas
and he yeah, so he just said I'd love to
hear some more parenting stuff, and he asked a specific question.
(03:09):
He says, looking back on your parenting experience so far,
is there anything now, in hindsight you wish you could
have done differently?
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Oh wow, that's a tricky one.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Tricky I don't necessarily agree with like regret, and I
don't I think regret is a waste of time.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
But unless you're learning from it.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Yeah, but they're not regretting it because if you've learned
from it, then it's good that it happened, very good.
But in hindsight, okay, a few things for me. Have
you showered with Max before, like holding her? Yeah, okay,
this does seem obvious, but I just did not think
of this. But like if you, if you sudd someone up,
(03:50):
babies have very smooth skin, like this is untouched skin,
you know what I mean, Like, no sun has touched
that skin, so they're very smooth.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Sounding a bit sick, Buffalo Bill, it's sounding of its sick.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Okay, I apologize, but it's important for the story.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Yeah, so I was, that's why you have the expression
smooth as a baby's but as a baby bottom.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
That's just what I should That's what I should have said.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
I was Sudds and Remy up in the shower and
it's like.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Why do you studs?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I just wanted to clean it. I just wanted to
like put soap, body wash all over.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
I was like, so I'm going to put on her
like the Lynx Africa or something. Yeah, you just put
on your You just put on your standard shower gels,
like your male shower gel on your chart.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
So I have good shower jels.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
This was like it was like a Souk and you
know the son Sultan the supermarket. Now I know what
it is.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Superin's good stuff.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
I thought I woudn't say it's gat stuff. It actually
went bankrupt recently, but really yeah, yeah, I thought I
was keeping him a float ship.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
I buy suping all the time, so I was suking
in her up.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
I thought it was sucking, which is what it was.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
I was.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Now, so I'm I don't think you're allowed to know.
The reason I brought that up is sim put her
pulled me out big time for using any sort of
adult products on Max. Yeah, well she might being very
sensitive about.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
It as well. That that feels a little bit nanny state. Yeah,
but I was. I was using Souk and SuDS in
her up. Anyway. Think of what's the slip. What's the
most slippery thing in the world. What's the slipperiest.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Bar of sope?
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Okay, we're already there.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Ten times more slippery than that a child, like when
you're a rod.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Cut rock covered in wet moss on an angle.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Yeah, pretty sippy, so moist, wet, and like I'm so
like once I'd sud stuck Remy.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
It was like she just kept slipping and slipping, and
it was just like I can't because then the harder
you squeeze a hold, the further they slip. It's like
pushing a calippo out of an you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Like I was like, she's reversed calipo.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
And then we just both went down because you just
had to get to the floor. So I was like,
I've got to hit deck now.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
But then she was just like a hockey puck on
the ice.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Like pinball. Was just like, so that is so hectic.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
I wouldn't I wish I knew before, Like don't hold
your child in the shower and SuDS them up right,
because you just won't be able to hold them and
they could end.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
It could have ended really badly. Wow, Luckily we both
went down.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
That was that's so good that you just had to
like squat, you just had to get to a lot
as low to the ground as possible, so that oh
my god.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
And then we were both just lying on the shower
floor and she's coping shower in the face.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
And it was bad.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Never doesn't doesn't love sharing with me anymore, No surprise.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Anything that you would have done differently, I regret.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Before we get to that, can we hear from out.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
Perfect could be sucin, could be sucing wasn't so can
sucking wasn't suing? Or second so.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Things that that I regret I was just one of
my stories involved. Do you think I can tell that
you've said it now? Right? Not sure? A couple of flags,
A couple of flags I reckon that might A couple
of flags that was beeped for a reason.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
So the next one, yeah, yeah, the next one. So
I don't know how to like this one is kind
of layered. So I'll try and I'll try and explain
(07:42):
this as best I can, and it's really hard. I
don't think I regret it, although it is kind of
biting me in the ass now. So I think that
one of my least favorite qualities in or like least
my least favorite relationship to watch between a child and
their parent is when I see a child think about
(08:04):
varukas salt in Charlie and the chocolate factory, which again,
I want the goose, Daddy, Oh yeah, sure, yeah, I ungrateful,
demand much for the goose, like yeah, exactly demanding, but
then demanding to the point where where as the father figure,
you go and it's largely Dad's you go, I'll give
you what you want, yes, because you're my little bit,
(08:27):
your daddy's little girl.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
That's what it is. I'm wrapped around your little.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
And the reason I don't think I like that is
because I feel like I grew up a lot around
a lot of daddy's little girls, and they sucked, like
just in the circle that I was hanging out when
I was a young teenager. Sure, and I didn't want
to do that. I didn't want to become that at all.
And then what happened is and I don't think this
(08:54):
is I think this is quite common now and I'm
kind of buoyed by that. But basically what happened is
in what has happened in my relationship. I'll just I'll
talk about it from my relationship, and if you can
empathize as a guy or a woman, then let me know.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
But your relationship with your partner or your daughter with
my daughter.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Sam is currently stay at home mumming and I'm working, right,
So that's how we've divided things up. So naturally Sam
has more time with her. So when I get home,
what I try and do is I try and compromise
for being away, which means that I'm just like I'll
just I'll just let herself throw it. I just like
I'll throw myself at her. I'm like, what do you
(09:32):
want to do. I'm happy to do whatever you want
to do. A drawing outside, we can go play it.
You can paint me off and I get painted. I'm
just like, paint me like one of your friendship. She does.
She coves me. She loves painting me, not like no,
it doesn't do a painting of me. She's not picassa.
I know.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
She just covers me in paint to come over and.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
The nude portraits of you, and I was like, well,
I think you're going to cut the naked?
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Am I wearing tonight? Max?
Speaker 1 (10:02):
No? So literally anything, And I'm like I am up
for it. And then when I have time with her,
I overcompensate for not being there by being more yes man,
emotionally available yes, and which makes me yes man and
all these things, and ironically that has turned me, has
(10:24):
turned me into one of the guys who gives their
little girls all they want. And it's a really, really
hard line for me to tread because I only realized
this recently when we were on We've had a couple
of weeks off recently, and I was at home all
the time, and I was playing, you know, because I've
built this role. That is the role that I've built,
that is the relationship I've built with her. And because
(10:47):
I was around her all the time, I wasn't walking
away from her. So and for the longest time, Sam
has been saying to me, you need to give her
more boundaries, you need to give her more boundaries. And
I'm going no, no, no, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
But that's because I get time away. I get ton
to breathe, I get time to go, oh yeah, I'm fine.
She just painted me and you know, covered me. I
(11:08):
just have to have a shower now. But that's cool
because I get to go away for the next ten hours.
Whereas if you're with her all the time and you
say yes to her all the time, it's always going
to get to a tipping point where you go, oh,
my god. So it's funny. I look at those old
relationships between dads and their little girls and or their
little boys, and I think to themselves, Oh, that's indicative
of a spoilt relationship. But in fact, it's indicative of
(11:29):
a dad compensating for the fact that he's not there
as much as he wants to be. But the irony
is in trying to compensate for that, you create an
unhealthy relationship with your child. And it only got to
the point recently where Max is nearly two. Yeah, she's
nearly two, very very nearly two, and she just started
(11:49):
chucking tantrums. And her first tantrum happened because she went
to Sem for something. Sam has very strong boundaries with her.
Sim was like, no, that's not happening, don't come with me.
That she went to me for it, and for the
first time, I was like no, and she flipped, yeah,
like proper. She hasn't had a tantrum yet, not like
this coppop a toddler tantrum, like stamping, like throwing yourself
(12:14):
on the floor, screaming inconsolably, And I was like, what
have I done? And Sam was like, this is literally
the first time that you're going I'm not giving you
what you want, and I need you to like hold
fast here, because if you go over there now and
you say whoa, whoa, whoah, it's okay, I'm giving you
back what you want, You're going to this will perpetuate forever.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
It makes it harder for her, by the way, because
she's obviously set these boundaries for a good reason. Frustration
from her, you're undermining the constantly you're going, yeah, that
actually is allowed.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Yeah, so yeah, So I think sorry, just I was
just saying that my regret is probably not And I
think this is maybe something I could say about parenting
in general, is it may be educating myself a bit
more around that, because I think that I was just
so obsessed with the idea of being the best father
(13:09):
I could be by giving her everything that she wanted
because that's what I thought would be cool. And then
you know, not learning that you know naturally, like everything
in the world, there's such a thing as too much
of a good thing. Hmmm.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Someone I don't know who said this, but I think
they are a very very intelligent and well educated person.
But they said, with parenting there's a big difference between
being an empathetic parent and a compassionate parent, and the
way that they defined it was an empathetic parent is
someone who really takes on all the emotion of their child.
So they're the kind of people that go tantrum, I'm
(13:41):
taking all that emotion on it.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
I will do anything to get you out of that space.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
But a compassionate parent is one that goes, I'm doing
the best thing for you, and right now, the best
thing for me to do for you is to not
pander to your tantrum, and I'm just going to like
you have an at tantrum.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
The best thing for you right now. It's minute to engage. Yeah,
it's really hard though, Yeah, it's really hard.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Yeah, And I yeah, I do think I regret that.
I regret that I regret that that was in that.
I mean, like todd you know, she's a toddler. She's
always gonna have at tendru about something like it's inevitable.
But I regret not learning more about that and not
listening to say more about it at the time as well.
So you set really annoyed her and I'm like, she's
my daughter, she can have whatever she wants, I'm going
to do whatever I can, you know, and I'm not
(14:23):
spoiling her deliberately, but it'll just be like I'll do
whatever she wants me to do.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
Yeah, and we often don't see because of it.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Well, we both still work at foolish time, like we
wear our way more. You often don't see the consequences
of your actions. Like no any it has learnt to
every time she's around water, she spits now.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
And I taught her that, and to spit in water.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
I thought it was funny. I thought it was classic.
We just had an afternoon where we were just getting
water and then spitting each other's faces, and she loved it,
laughing her head off right, and so me and her
literally did it for two hours. It was very great afternoon.
But then again it's me being like, oh, how good
am I? This is just great quality time. And that's
like every time you cant down from three, she spits,
(15:06):
so you go three, two, why and she goes and
it's like, oh no, that's me and Nim's just like,
come on, I'm trying to teach her how to count,
but now I can't get to three.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Because she spits.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
She also taps my ass when I thought I didn't
teach you that one, but she puts her hand over
she goes her hand over her mouth and then taps
my ass, and I was like, nah, I don't think
I taught you that, but I've definitely laughed and condoned
in the behavior. I'm scared someone's going to fight in
public and she's gonna tap him on the asse.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Ah, very good, All right, do you have a question. Yeah,
I really want it. Thanks job, I really I do
really want to stress though I don't want to. I
said to you beforehand, and I'm happy to solicit for
you guys to give us questions. But like, don't see
this as the We're not We're not the all and
powerful oz.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
No, we're not.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
We're not answering your questions with any sort of judicial
authority like this is we are. We are ask the
question to confound us. Ask us a question that you've
been stumped by. Yeah, you know, and see if it's
relatable for us. I really don't want to try and
put us out there as any sort of authority on anything.
(16:27):
We'll give it an uneducated take unless it's the rise
of the guaman dang Nationalist Party from the mid twentieth
century China. Oh, guys, which I specialized in university?
Speaker 3 (16:37):
Did you otherwise get that going? Get someone suggest that
we'll see tomorrow.
Welcome out to the podcast. I'm excited to say woods
that today's question is not from a scandalous, curious card.
This this is a this is one of you guys
asking us this question.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Specifically Michael Big. Hello to Michael, who is an avid
podcast listener.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
I haven't heard this yet.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
No, Michael was a huge fan of the short lived
podcast that we used to do called dilf Dilemmas to
really pull the curtain down, guys. But we're doing this
thing where we were solving parenting issues and stuff from.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
A dad's perspective, which we were like, great, idea, Wow,
this hasn't really mean done astray yet.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
And then a very very funny, brilliant, awesome guy did
a dad podcast that was brilliant and I wasn't really
getting the clicks, and we're just kind of accept we
flew the white flag and we were.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
I think I think.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
We're not saying he copied it, by the way, he
was definitely recorded enough for it's just a shocking timing.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Total coincidence on the same I mean, great minds think alike.
I mean, if anything, I'm going to say it's a
compliment for us because we were like this is a
great idea, two young guys talking about dad issues. We're
both young dads. And then I think it, Yeah, I
think there was a news story about the fact that
Hamish Blake had made a podcast called How Other Dad's Dad?
(01:23):
I've listened to all, but it's brilliant, it's really it's
really good, really high profile guests.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Not to say ours wasn't great, but much better than ours,
like so much better than ours.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
And I think, yeah, I don't think we even thought it.
We were just like we saw the story like just
delete all, you know what. We think we had a
better name though. That's the one thing I saw that,
the one thing we had him on the name, which
was dilf dilemmas we should.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
I've got his number.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
He haven't really interacted with it, but so I do
feel like I should send him a text and just
go mate, how you listen? Listen give him any just
don't give any You know what I'm talking about when
I say that you won the but you you definitely
won the battle.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
But we had a better name regards This is Woody
by the way.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
All the rest we have met now he knows anyway
you think so, yeah, definitely with with We've had chats,
We've we've had like like I always get.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
The vibe with him though that like whenever you like
he's almost he's so like out there like you and
I often just go silent around him anyway, So he just.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
Talks, but I go because I just like, I just
want to hear him. Why would I waste time with.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Talking? And he goes, yeah, yeah, So I think he
gets a bit sick of that. But anyway, maybe he's like,
oh my god, those guys we had a beach interaction.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
We've had a beach interaction.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
That's right, that's right where we got papped.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Yeah, we got got paped together.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
And it was just like Hamish blank talking to friends
and I was like, guys, I'm also in the industry
talking okay, so okay. A guy called Michael sorry back
on track here. He was a fan of DILF celemmas
and he yeah, so he just said I'd love to
hear some more parenting stuff, and he asked a specific question.
(03:09):
He says, looking back on your parenting experience so far,
is there anything now, in hindsight you wish you could
have done differently?
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Oh wow, that's a tricky one.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Tricky I don't necessarily agree with like regret, and I
don't I think regret is a waste of time.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
But unless you're learning from it.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Yeah, but they're not regretting it because if you've learned
from it, then it's good that it happened, very good.
But in hindsight, okay, a few things for me. Have
you showered with Max before, like holding her? Yeah, okay,
this does seem obvious, but I just did not think
of this. But like if you, if you sudd someone up,
(03:50):
babies have very smooth skin, like this is untouched skin,
you know what I mean, Like, no sun has touched
that skin, so they're very smooth.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Sounding a bit sick, Buffalo Bill, it's sounding of its sick.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Okay, I apologize, but it's important for the story.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
Yeah, so I was, that's why you have the expression
smooth as a baby's but as a baby bottom.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
That's just what I should That's what I should have said.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
I was Sudds and Remy up in the shower and
it's like.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Why do you studs?
Speaker 2 (04:18):
I just wanted to clean it. I just wanted to
like put soap, body wash all over.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
I was like, so I'm going to put on her
like the Lynx Africa or something. Yeah, you just put
on your You just put on your standard shower gels,
like your male shower gel on your chart.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
So I have good shower jels.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
This was like it was like a Souk and you
know the son Sultan the supermarket. Now I know what
it is.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Superin's good stuff.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
I thought I woudn't say it's gat stuff. It actually
went bankrupt recently, but really yeah, yeah, I thought I
was keeping him a float ship.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
I buy suping all the time, so I was suking
in her up.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
I thought it was sucking, which is what it was.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
I was.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Now, so I'm I don't think you're allowed to know.
The reason I brought that up is sim put her
pulled me out big time for using any sort of
adult products on Max. Yeah, well she might being very
sensitive about.
Speaker 3 (05:07):
It as well. That that feels a little bit nanny state. Yeah,
but I was. I was using Souk and SuDS in
her up. Anyway. Think of what's the slip. What's the
most slippery thing in the world. What's the slipperiest.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
Bar of sope?
Speaker 3 (05:19):
Okay, we're already there.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Ten times more slippery than that a child, like when
you're a rod.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
Cut rock covered in wet moss on an angle.
Speaker 3 (05:28):
Yeah, pretty sippy, so moist, wet, and like I'm so
like once I'd sud stuck Remy.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
It was like she just kept slipping and slipping, and
it was just like I can't because then the harder
you squeeze a hold, the further they slip. It's like
pushing a calippo out of an you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Like I was like, she's reversed calipo.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
And then we just both went down because you just
had to get to the floor. So I was like,
I've got to hit deck now.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
But then she was just like a hockey puck on
the ice.
Speaker 3 (06:00):
Like pinball. Was just like, so that is so hectic.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
I wouldn't I wish I knew before, Like don't hold
your child in the shower and SuDS them up right,
because you just won't be able to hold them and
they could end.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
It could have ended really badly. Wow, Luckily we both
went down.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
That was that's so good that you just had to
like squat, you just had to get to a lot
as low to the ground as possible, so that oh
my god.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
And then we were both just lying on the shower
floor and she's coping shower in the face.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
And it was bad.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Never doesn't doesn't love sharing with me anymore, No surprise.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Anything that you would have done differently, I regret.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Before we get to that, can we hear from out.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
Perfect could be sucin, could be sucing wasn't so can
sucking wasn't suing? Or second so.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Things that that I regret I was just one of
my stories involved. Do you think I can tell that
you've said it now? Right? Not sure? A couple of flags,
A couple of flags I reckon that might A couple
of flags that was beeped for a reason.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Guys.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
So the next one, yeah, yeah, the next one. So
I don't know how to like this one is kind
of layered. So I'll try and I'll try and explain
(07:42):
this as best I can, and it's really hard. I
don't think I regret it, although it is kind of
biting me in the ass now. So I think that
one of my least favorite qualities in or like least
my least favorite relationship to watch between a child and
their parent is when I see a child think about
(08:04):
varukas salt in Charlie and the chocolate factory, which again,
I want the goose, Daddy, Oh yeah, sure, yeah, I ungrateful,
demand much for the goose, like yeah, exactly demanding, but
then demanding to the point where where as the father figure,
you go and it's largely Dad's you go, I'll give
you what you want, yes, because you're my little bit,
(08:27):
your daddy's little girl.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
That's what it is. I'm wrapped around your little.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
And the reason I don't think I like that is
because I feel like I grew up a lot around
a lot of daddy's little girls, and they sucked, like
just in the circle that I was hanging out when
I was a young teenager. Sure, and I didn't want
to do that. I didn't want to become that at all.
And then what happened is and I don't think this
(08:54):
is I think this is quite common now and I'm
kind of buoyed by that. But basically what happened is
in what has happened in my relationship. I'll just I'll
talk about it from my relationship, and if you can
empathize as a guy or a woman, then let me know.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
But your relationship with your partner or your daughter with
my daughter.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Sam is currently stay at home mumming and I'm working, right,
So that's how we've divided things up. So naturally Sam
has more time with her. So when I get home,
what I try and do is I try and compromise
for being away, which means that I'm just like I'll
just I'll just let herself throw it. I just like
I'll throw myself at her. I'm like, what do you
(09:32):
want to do. I'm happy to do whatever you want
to do. A drawing outside, we can go play it.
You can paint me off and I get painted. I'm
just like, paint me like one of your friendship. She does.
She coves me. She loves painting me, not like no,
it doesn't do a painting of me. She's not picassa.
I know.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
She just covers me in paint to come over and.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
The nude portraits of you, and I was like, well,
I think you're going to cut the naked?
Speaker 3 (09:58):
Am I wearing tonight? Max?
Speaker 1 (10:02):
No? So literally anything, And I'm like I am up
for it. And then when I have time with her,
I overcompensate for not being there by being more yes man,
emotionally available yes, and which makes me yes man and
all these things, and ironically that has turned me, has
(10:24):
turned me into one of the guys who gives their
little girls all they want. And it's a really, really
hard line for me to tread because I only realized
this recently when we were on We've had a couple
of weeks off recently, and I was at home all
the time, and I was playing, you know, because I've
built this role. That is the role that I've built,
that is the relationship I've built with her. And because
(10:47):
I was around her all the time, I wasn't walking
away from her. So and for the longest time, Sam
has been saying to me, you need to give her
more boundaries, you need to give her more boundaries. And
I'm going no, no, no, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
But that's because I get time away. I get ton
to breathe, I get time to go, oh yeah, I'm fine.
She just painted me and you know, covered me. I
(11:08):
just have to have a shower now. But that's cool
because I get to go away for the next ten hours.
Whereas if you're with her all the time and you
say yes to her all the time, it's always going
to get to a tipping point where you go, oh,
my god. So it's funny. I look at those old
relationships between dads and their little girls and or their
little boys, and I think to themselves, Oh, that's indicative
of a spoilt relationship. But in fact, it's indicative of
(11:29):
a dad compensating for the fact that he's not there
as much as he wants to be. But the irony
is in trying to compensate for that, you create an
unhealthy relationship with your child. And it only got to
the point recently where Max is nearly two. Yeah, she's
nearly two, very very nearly two, and she just started
(11:49):
chucking tantrums. And her first tantrum happened because she went
to Sem for something. Sam has very strong boundaries with her.
Sim was like, no, that's not happening, don't come with me.
That she went to me for it, and for the
first time, I was like no, and she flipped, yeah,
like proper. She hasn't had a tantrum yet, not like
this coppop a toddler tantrum, like stamping, like throwing yourself
(12:14):
on the floor, screaming inconsolably, And I was like, what
have I done? And Sam was like, this is literally
the first time that you're going I'm not giving you
what you want, and I need you to like hold
fast here, because if you go over there now and
you say whoa, whoa, whoah, it's okay, I'm giving you
back what you want, You're going to this will perpetuate forever.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
It makes it harder for her, by the way, because
she's obviously set these boundaries for a good reason. Frustration
from her, you're undermining the constantly you're going, yeah, that
actually is allowed.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Yeah, so yeah, So I think sorry, just I was
just saying that my regret is probably not And I
think this is maybe something I could say about parenting
in general, is it may be educating myself a bit
more around that, because I think that I was just
so obsessed with the idea of being the best father
(13:09):
I could be by giving her everything that she wanted
because that's what I thought would be cool. And then
you know, not learning that you know naturally, like everything
in the world, there's such a thing as too much
of a good thing. Hmmm.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Someone I don't know who said this, but I think
they are a very very intelligent and well educated person.
But they said, with parenting there's a big difference between
being an empathetic parent and a compassionate parent, and the
way that they defined it was an empathetic parent is
someone who really takes on all the emotion of their child.
So they're the kind of people that go tantrum, I'm
(13:41):
taking all that emotion on it.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
I will do anything to get you out of that space.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
But a compassionate parent is one that goes, I'm doing
the best thing for you, and right now, the best
thing for me to do for you is to not
pander to your tantrum, and I'm just going to like
you have an at tantrum.
Speaker 3 (13:56):
The best thing for you right now. It's minute to engage. Yeah,
it's really hard though, Yeah, it's really hard.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Yeah, And I yeah, I do think I regret that.
I regret that I regret that that was in that.
I mean, like todd you know, she's a toddler. She's
always gonna have at tendru about something like it's inevitable.
But I regret not learning more about that and not
listening to say more about it at the time as well.
So you set really annoyed her and I'm like, she's
my daughter, she can have whatever she wants, I'm going
to do whatever I can, you know, and I'm not
(14:23):
spoiling her deliberately, but it'll just be like I'll do
whatever she wants me to do.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
Yeah, and we often don't see because of it.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Well, we both still work at foolish time, like we
wear our way more. You often don't see the consequences
of your actions. Like no any it has learnt to
every time she's around water, she spits now.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
And I taught her that, and to spit in water.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
I thought it was funny. I thought it was classic.
We just had an afternoon where we were just getting
water and then spitting each other's faces, and she loved it,
laughing her head off right, and so me and her
literally did it for two hours. It was very great afternoon.
But then again it's me being like, oh, how good
am I? This is just great quality time. And that's
like every time you cant down from three, she spits,
(15:06):
so you go three, two, why and she goes and
it's like, oh no, that's me and Nim's just like,
come on, I'm trying to teach her how to count,
but now I can't get to three.
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Because she spits.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
She also taps my ass when I thought I didn't
teach you that one, but she puts her hand over
she goes her hand over her mouth and then taps
my ass, and I was like, nah, I don't think
I taught you that, but I've definitely laughed and condoned
in the behavior. I'm scared someone's going to fight in
public and she's gonna tap him on the asse.
Speaker 1 (15:43):
Ah, very good, All right, do you have a question. Yeah,
I really want it. Thanks job, I really I do
really want to stress though I don't want to. I
said to you beforehand, and I'm happy to solicit for
you guys to give us questions. But like, don't see
this as the We're not We're not the all and
powerful oz.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
No, we're not.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
We're not answering your questions with any sort of judicial
authority like this is we are. We are ask the
question to confound us. Ask us a question that you've
been stumped by. Yeah, you know, and see if it's
relatable for us. I really don't want to try and
put us out there as any sort of authority on anything.
(16:27):
We'll give it an uneducated take unless it's the rise
of the guaman dang Nationalist Party from the mid twentieth
century China. Oh, guys, which I specialized in university?
Speaker 3 (16:37):
Did you otherwise get that going? Get someone suggest that
we'll see tomorrow.
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