June 9, 2023 • 40 mins
Big Ben talks about the Vikings plan to release Dalvin Cook, reports that Damian Lillard won't accept a trade to the Celtics, Maller to the Third Degree, Lame Jokes of the Week, Coop's Scoop on Entertainment, and more!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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Speaker 2 (00:24):
This is the best of the Ben Maler Show on
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Speaker 1 (00:32):
A cook top. If you will, welcome in the beginning
of another edition of the Benmathers Show.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
We are in the air everywhere like minded patrons, as
we are popping good unless we're not Coast coast, Port,
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Speaker 1 (00:54):
And beyond on the last and mighty powerful Mike phones
of FSR am monating live from the pulpit, the Bully Pulpit.
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you're doing well, and I assume you're not doing that
bad because you're listening to a gas baggery. And if
you're listening to gas baggery, then things can't be that bad,
you know, it can always be worse. Although some would
say this is as bad as it gets hearing the show.
(01:38):
I've gotten those emails before. But our lead this hour
coming from the NFL. Why it's June and why not?
So after months of speculation, the eagle has landed, or
in this case, the Viking has landed. Now if you
have not heard yet, oh this is sally exciting less
(02:01):
it's not. Now. I actually got some emails on this.
People are like, oh, yeah, you got to talk about
this is a big deal. This is a big deal.
So I don't know how big a deal it is.
But anyway, we've learned that the Minnesota football team has
informed running back Dalvin Cook that his services are no
longer needed and they have decided to toss him overboard
(02:23):
off the Viking ship and six years, six seasons very
productive if you're a fantasy football player, Dalvin Cook was
one of your good friends in the Twin Cities, and
now the headline reads Cook is cooked, at least in Minnesota.
His pending departure will become official. Later on on Friday,
(02:45):
he will enter the transfer portal, and some NFL pundits
are salivating. Many are also questioning the logic of the
move for the Purple People leaders. How could they do this?
He's still a productive player, So why don't we start
(03:06):
with that? All right, Let's let's start with that. So
let us discuss the question what message are the Viking
sending by releasing Dalvin Cook's obvious questions? So what's that's
the question. So I've got Godfather sardines and produce isle
and we will tie all of these things together and
(03:29):
we are going to make a juicy lucy. Now, I
can proudly tell you that I've eaten every type of
juicy lucy available from Saint Paul to Minneapolis and everywhere
in between. There's actually nothing in between. But I'm an
expert now at the juicy lucy, and they the Vikings
are following what I call the standard road map in
(03:50):
the modern NFL. Okay, So what does that mean? Everything
is now regimented in all these sports leagues. There's no
more gut field, there's no more have a hunch, bet
a bunch. That's not how it works. The guide book
is based on the nerds, the analytics. They crunch the numbers.
(04:10):
It's the same concept in baseball, where if you throw
one hundred pitches, they've got to take you out of
the game, and if not, it's abuse by the manager
and you can't face the lineup the third time through
because the three ring binder says, the starting pitcher will
then fall into Dante's inferno. If that happens, well in football,
(04:33):
what's the recipe for running backs? You reach a certain threshold,
which is number of touches, and all of a sudden
you start imploding. There's an implosion that takes place that's
based on the analytics. I didn't come up with the analytics.
But Dalvin Cook will be twenty eight by the next
NFL season. Typically you're not burned out. The standard had
(04:58):
been till you're thirty. We all know that right to
care about this kind of crap. However, it's the wear
and tear that is the problem. The cold blooded dweebs
used their calculator and they say that this is a
touchy feely problem, meaning that Dalvin Cook has crossed into
(05:19):
dead man's land. He zoomed passed fifteen hundred touches in
his career last season, and that that is why the
Vikings are dumping me. It has nothing to do with
the salary cap. That's just something that dumb people like
to bring up and say, Oh, it's a so recip
The Vikings are saving a lot of money. Oh shut up,
(05:40):
you're a maron. That's just the excuse NFL teams use.
They blame the spreadsheet. Trust me. If Dalvin Cook was
same age and had a thousand touches, the Minnesota Vikings
would keep him. And it's it's the old Godfather special right.
It's not personal, it's rickly business. Just so we're on
(06:02):
the wave, the same wavelength. Again, if Cook had fewer carries,
he would stay there. That is an open and shut
case now. Furthermore so, Dalvin Cook being dumped has led
to pushback. Of course, it has among them current NFL
long in the tooth running back mark Ingram who says, quote,
(06:23):
it's really offensive how the league treats running backs, and
he claimed we think tongue in cheek that the running
backs need their own union and their own CBA. Now
RG three, who had a cup of coffee and is
now a gas bag and talking head RG three said
(06:44):
running backs are getting hosed in the NFL. He says,
they've run you guys in the dirt and then doubt
pay you what you have earned. Sad unjust ridiculous. Oh boy,
good hyperblee. So let's talk about this now, mark Ingram
saying we'll start with that, mark Ingram saying it's offensive
how the league treats running backs and RG three pointing
(07:05):
out that they deserve better pay. Are these takes based
in reality? So they're not basing my reality, They're basing
an alternative reality. I under said mark Inger was like,
a running back should make more. Yeah, I think overnight
sports talk shows should make more. Two, I think we
should form our own union. Overnight gasbag should form our
(07:28):
own union. But the NFL as a business had a
seminal moment. Every man, woman and child that pays attention
knows this back. It was way back. It was barely
alive in the nineties. But that's when the Great Reset
happened because there was a time when the running back
was the biggest star of the game. Legends Eric Dickerson,
Walter Payton, Barry Sanders, Bo Jackson, Marcus Allen, the last era.
(07:53):
The last sliver of that was Emmett Smith in the
heyday of the Jerry Jones Cowboy when Jerry was a
much younger man and the Cowboys actually won championships. He's
the one that drove the bus. Troy Y Aikman was
the bus rider, and he was a bus rider that
went all the way to the Hall of Fame. But
Emmett Smith was that Cowboy offense. And since then the
(08:15):
running backs have slowly and now as we've gone further
it's completely gone to dust, but have been marginalized. They're
easily replaced your offensive line and quarterback. The mindset of
the NFL. As long as the offensive line quarterback do
your job, you can go down to Dollar General and
(08:36):
get a running back. Night Dollar General, you can find
a running back. Why because running backs are the sardines
of the NFL world and quarterbacks are the salmon. That's
the reality. You got sardines and you got salmon. Sardines
(08:58):
are cheap. I don't like sardines, but you say how
cheap they are? I mean, you know why, because they're abundant.
They're abundant in the wild. The demand does not exist
and there's no it does not exceed the offer. So,
simply put, there's plenty. It's like right here, there's plenty
of running backs to go around, and that means that
getting a new running back every few years is fine
(09:20):
because they find them. They're growing everywhere. Salmon is pretty
expensive because I'm told I've never tried to catch a salmon,
but I'm told it's difficult compared to sardines, and there's
actually a demand because of popularity. All right, last word,
So will Dalvin Cook be swimming not like a sardine
(09:42):
but like a salmon with the Dolphins. That's the hot
rumor Dolphins and Broncos. But let's focus in on Dolphins now.
We talked about this in a previous episode of the show,
and all the key indicators point that direction. He's from
South Florida. The Dolphins have a job opening in the backfield.
Miami is in win now mode. Their owner is really
(10:08):
long in the tooth. He's horny to win. He wants
to win before he checks out, and he's willing to
do whatever it takes. And Dalvin Cook teased, but did
not please. He teased this move. He posted on the
socials a photo of him celebrating at the Dolphins stadium
as a viking, of course. But what could derail this deal?
(10:33):
The answer the produce aisle ergo A big bag of cabbage,
big bag of kevich Like as the old line goes,
money does not talk, it screams. And the Dolphins make
all the sense in the world. Be great, he loves
the area. Team needs a running back. Be solid. Right.
(10:56):
The Dolphins, we are told, are not going to give
a blank check. And if that's the case, and I
assume Dalvin Cook is not running a charity when it
comes to his salary, the hometown discount is likely not
in the cards. So Dalvin Cook would be a sexy addition,
(11:18):
a little rasthmataz. But all it takes is some vulture
who's got a lot of extra petty cash to toss
it to start throwing the cabbage at Dalvin Cook. But
all of these teams, here's the problem for Dalvin Cook.
All these teams use the same guidelines as we talked about.
Are you over that threshold of touches and so you're
(11:42):
twenty eight years old in the eyes of the NFL,
you've had too many miles on the odometer, and that
is problematic.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meler
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Not feeling green, Not so much. Wel come in the
beginning of another hour of the Ben Malors Show. We
are in the air everywhere talk mates, as we say,
grab a tree, right, grab a tree and celebrate. Why not?
(12:19):
It's the end of the week. Yeah, I know you're exciting.
Coast to coast, border, the border and beyond. On the
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(12:42):
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So our lead this hour, coming from the Oregon Trail.
We have a mantra we go where the story takes
us and where the news of the day takes us,
(13:03):
And so I did not anticipate this would be something
we would discuss, but here we are, and it figures
to be the story of stories. Once we get into
the pro bouncy Ball silly season, which begins immediately after
the NBA Finals and after the Ja Morant suspension. More
on that in a minute. But the future of Dame Lillard. Now,
(13:23):
I know you're very concerned. You're staying up late, you
can't sleep, you have insomnia because you're worried about where
Damian Lillard is going to live. Where's he going to
go see the eye doctor and the dentist and get
his dry cleaning and all that. So as the finals continue,
we're in the middle of that. The Lillard sweepstakes are
(13:45):
heating up. Now. If you've not been following along in
chances are you have a life, so you have not.
We are hearing that the Miami Heat, the Brooklyn Nets,
and the Philadelphia seventy six ers are the most likely
trade destinations for the unhappy Trailblazer. The biggest story, though,
(14:09):
is not those teams. It's a report on where Lillard
does not want to play. Now that's the story. The
Bleacher Report tells us that it is pretty safe to
say that Damian Lillard will not accept the trade to
(14:31):
the Celtics. Ooh, that's the losing locker room. That's a
good story. I don't even know it's true. It's a
good story. Somebody named Chris Haynes, who we are told
as an NBA insider, and he is a reporting that
Lillard is quote not doing Boston man. All right. So
(14:54):
that is what's known as red meat in a sports
talk radio. And we're hungry, and here we go. So
the question, Dame Lillard, according to this report, will not
accept the trade to the Celtics, believe it or not.
So I am agnostic on this. I am agnostic on this.
(15:18):
I've got Jigsaw, Camp, Pendleton and Pulitzer Prize, and we'll
talk about some other things as well, but we're gonna
start with this Lilard story. So to tip off here,
Damian Lillard does not have a vote, all right, I'm
gonna check my notes here. He does not have a vote.
Without a no trade clause, all he can do is
(15:41):
raise a hullabaloo. That's it. That's all he can do.
Lillard is thirty three, he has one more year on
his contract, and then he's got a player option which
is worth chump change forty eight million dollars. But Dame
time is winning time. Everyone said this. We all enjoy
(16:01):
watching Dame Lillard in close games late in the game,
and lately he's been sulking because the Blazers blow. And
here's the issue, though, Boston is the antithesis of what's
going on in Portland. They have now been to four
conference finals the Celtics and an NBA finals over the
(16:23):
last seven years. That seems like it's pretty good. I
didn't play in the NBA. I don't know. Maybe that's not,
but I think that's pretty good, not great. They didn't
win anything. That's pretty good. So my diagnosis, we'll see
if you agree with me on this. Dame Lithard to Boston.
(16:44):
That is the missing jigsaw puzzle piece. Lillard and that
Celtic roster on the parque would go together like fish
and chips, and in a parallel dimension, his play would
be in and and ask for the Boston thing, I don'
want to play there, and I was. There's right stuff, Listen,
(17:06):
there are scumbags in every city I've traveled all over
the United States. There are complete losers in every city. Right,
there's also good people in every city. And Boston is
a very liberal location. And over the last generation they
have more college students enrolled per capita when compared with
(17:27):
other major metropolitan areas and all that. Now, the fans
have high standards. Do they have those? Yes, if you
win in that region, you are a false god? Is
that true or false? That is true? Do they put
you on a pedestal? Yes? Do they canonize you? Absolutely?
In fact, you only have to have a couple of
(17:48):
good years for the Celtics. They'll retire your number. They
retire everyone's number. Who's any good that plays with the Celtics.
You're worshiped. So my advice to Damiel Lillard is to
send the text. Send a nice text over to Kevin
Garnett for more information. KG. I remember years ago because
I was bloviating shockingly right here on these same Fox
(18:11):
Sports radio microphones. As my career has reached the Peter principle,
my highest level of incompetence, and I have stayed here.
But Kevin Garnett wanted nothing to do with Boston. He
wanted to play in a warm weather city. He wanted
to play where everyone else wants to play, Miami or
LA and the Celtics at that time were not that good.
(18:33):
He was in Minnesota and go to Boston. And now
after they had that confetti party, the toughest championship ever
won an NBA history, overcoming the Doc Rivers curse. Kevin
Garnett is entombed in the Valley of the Kings with
the Celtics, and Dame Lillard would have a reproduction of
that play if he were to end up with the Celtics,
(18:56):
and the Blazers would come out great in this because
they would likely get Jalen Brown and some draft picks,
which is all they really care about there. And the
move here for Lillard is to say you don't want
to play in Boston and then the Celtics will overcompensate
to give you even more goodies to get you to
come to Boston. So you play hard to get right.
(19:19):
It's like the dating game, isn't that what they teach?
And women play hard to get guys like that more. Well,
that's what you gotta do, so it's a win win. Now,
moving on to the next chapter of this three part
Mallard monologue extrava Gonza. So Adam Silver, half man, half lizard,
person Commissioner of the NBA. Adam Silver popped up right
(19:41):
here where I work on Fox Sports Radio. He was
chatting with my teammate Dan Patrick, who has no idea
who I am. But Dan Patrick had him on the
show and in a very meaty quote, Adam Silver said
that he is concerned about John Morant, the grizzly gun
(20:01):
toting guard, possibly adding to his problems with more free
time if he is indeed suspended for the balance of
next NBA season. Now, Silver, the bleeding Heart commissioner says
that he wants to put Jamarant in a special program
while he is persona non grata from the NBA. So
(20:25):
the question here, what is your perspective on Adam Silver's
worry about Jah Morant getting in more trouble with extra
free time. So my initial thought on this is it
is actually accurate that too much free time is actually
bad for you. I know, I go crazy. I gotta
(20:47):
take vacation because I'm forced. My arm is literally twisted
behind my back, I am blindfolded, there is a knife
at my throat. My wife does that to get me
to take time off, and I normally have to a
couple of days. I'm like, oh God, I'm going crazy.
The other problems though, I'm a bit of a workaholic,
But the other problems are dwelling on issues right, depression
(21:11):
sets in your mind starts wandering, which is a very
dangerous thing, very dangerous thing, Ja Morant. If you gave
him the season off, he could end up the new
president of the NRA. He loves guns that much, right,
if he suspended all season. So the solution, if you
have a problem, what's the solution. So the solution here
is a nice extended stay at Camp Pendleton in Oceanside,
(21:35):
just north of San Diego or Paris Island in South Carolina,
Military boot Camp. As a friend of the show, the
Great Tim mcdarby, big fan of the show, he got
all worked up. He was listening to the Odd Couple
earlier and they were talking about this, and he said,
he sent me a rant. He's like, Ben, Yeah, I
need to just blow some steam off, Tim said, And
(21:56):
he said, Ja Morant needs structure, okay, So and I
don't disagree with that. I don't disagree with that. So
he needs structure. So Military boot Camp, Basic Training, Life Skills,
Mandatory book Club, and Idiot's Guide to Making Good Decisions.
Methinks that Jaws prefrontal cortex is not fully developed the
(22:19):
problem solving part of the brain is weak now. It
is nice, though, of Adam Silver to confess that the
ray Key treatment was a total sham. Remember when the
NBA said, well, let me tell you some John Moran's
getting therapy in Florida. Yeah, he's getting He's getting therapy
in Florida. Yes, that was palm healing with universal energy
(22:43):
transferred through the palm of the healer to the patient
to encourage physical healing. Or as my friend Jayscoop would say, bullpucky.
Now flipping the page on that last thing here the
Trident Malo monologue. So the Nuggets and the Nets, i
am told, will resume activities tonight. In Game four of
(23:09):
the Finals, Nikola Jokic is being celebrated for fueling the
last win the other night with a fiery postgame speech
following Game two that carried over into Game three. With
breathless reporting, we are told that Jeff Green, Contavious, Colbot Pope,
and DeAndre Jordan called out their teammates for being dogs, lackadaisical,
(23:32):
lethargic and all that. And then, in a dramatic made
for a Disney movie, the Joker was compelled to address
his comrades in arms and using brevity. He was able
to get his point across. You see Nicola Jokic. He
gave them this pep talk that inspired them. So was
(23:56):
Nicola Jokic's postgame speech the gasoline that powered the Nuggets
to victory. No, I'm rolling my eyes. This contrives stuff
is next level. And I would like to remind you,
and I say this every year, the reactionary NBA scribes
(24:17):
should win a Pulitzer Prize in poetry. Here are some
of the stories in this NBA files. After Game one,
the NBA scribes told us the heat were cooked. In
game two, the storyline was Miami had figured out how
to stop Nikola Jokic. They had to cheat code that
was in game two. After the game game three, it
(24:39):
is now that that win was powered by a speech
from the Serbian stallion. And all of this is nice.
Warm fertilizer is what that is. Denver played better because
they sucked at a time you cannot suck. That was
the wake up, not because of some speech from Jokic
(25:04):
or Michael Malone. Remember, there is no such thing as
momentum in sports. It does not exist. It's something that
dumbs sports media. People like to repeat past performance is
no guarantee of future success. Whether you invest in a
fortune five hundred company, a block of real estate in
(25:27):
South Beach or Beverly Hills, it doesn't matter. It does
not matter.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
It's me Rock Parker.
Speaker 4 (25:41):
Check out my weekly MLB podcast, Inside the Parker for
twenty two minutes of pipeing hot baseball talk featuring the
biggest names of newsmakers in the sport. Whether you believe
in analytics or the ie test, We've got all the
bases covered. New episodes drop every Thursday, so do yourself
a favor and listen to Inside the Parker with Rob
(26:04):
Parker on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcast.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
It's Mallard. How about that to the third degree? This
is one big fan gets grilled coo Elo.
Speaker 5 (26:18):
Recent reports say that James Harden is torn between two teams,
staying with the seventy six ers and making a return
to the Houston Rockets. Ben, where do you think Harden
ends up?
Speaker 1 (26:28):
I don't believe it. I believe the story. A week ago,
the Breathless reporting that he wanted to go back to Houston.
He was done in Philadelphia. He should the other time
he was at the very top was in Houston as
far as his ability, and he should go back to
the right. They retired his number at the Jiggle Joint
in Houston next.
Speaker 5 (26:46):
Now, it seems like every year we hear rumors of
a Damian Lillard trade and yet it never happens. Lillard
still has not requested a trade from the Trailblazers, but
his former teammates C. J. McCullum thinks we've seen the
last of Dame in Portland.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Ben Is he right? So I have it the odds
at fifty five forty five that Lillard is going to
stay in Portland. Now he's trying to get out though,
but I still think the Blazers are gonna gonna attempt
to hold on him next.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson recently said that he sees a
pathway forward to keeping the Bears at Soldier Field. What
do you think ultimately happens for the Bears.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Well, I've been to Chicago, I have family in Chicago.
It is the most corrupt city with politicians, and that
is saying something in the United States. So yes, it's
all about finagling taxpayer money. They'll go anyway, they'll go
to Peoria. But it is it's still on the table.
How do we know, Kop?
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in
the nation. Catch all of our shows at foxsports Radio
dot com and within the iHeartRadio app search FSR to
listen live Knock Knock, Who's there? Blame?
Speaker 1 (27:59):
We blame.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
It's Big Ben's lame joke of the week.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
And these are actual jokes sent by actual listeners. I
just want to mention that we did a segment about
Disney characters and there was one person left listening to
the show, and that is Andy, the comic book guy,
who was very appreciative. And he said that the creator
of goof Troop, uh, duc Tails and Chippendale is a
(28:25):
customer at its store, so he's very excited about that
that so we only did that segment for him. These
are actual jokes in in by actual listeners. And do
we have a fake weed man, Coop?
Speaker 5 (28:38):
I mean, unless, uh, unless you want that first.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
No, I think we're good. Okay, which country does Lizzo
refuse to visit?
Speaker 6 (28:47):
Eddie? Ah? Geez that's a good one. I don't know
what what country is? She not into.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Hungry, She's not into that job on me, Gorge into Colvid.
Did you hear the that five hundred crabs passed away
sadly at a California beach this week?
Speaker 6 (29:05):
No, I didn't hear that.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Yes, Lizzo apparently decided to lay down and that was
a problem. That's Noah in Austin sent that one in.
And you can send jokes in if you want care
of Ben Maler Show at gmail dot com. Ben Maler
Show at gmail dot com, and we may read your comments,
your jokes on the air. Just put jokes in the headlines.
What do you call a large tub of lard?
Speaker 6 (29:28):
I don't know, Lizzo?
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Well, no, Lizzo taking a bath at you. That's Alex,
the Alex, the cynical sent that one in. It's big
Ben's lame jokes leak. Why did Lizzo create headlines at
the zoo this past month? Here?
Speaker 6 (29:45):
I don't know why did she create headlines at the zoo?
Speaker 1 (29:48):
Experts could not figure out how she got out of
the enclosure. They had no idea, no idea at all.
Daniel who sent that one in his Big Ben's lame
Jokes of the week, actual joke sent him by actual listeners.
Let's see here. Why is Lizzo a fan of Brian
Finley and Ferg Dog.
Speaker 6 (30:09):
I don't know. Why would she be a thing those
two guys.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
She heard they liked the spoon and she likes spoons, Eddie,
so he's very excited about that. It's Big Ben's lame
oh jokes of the week. Why won't Lizzo be the
first pastor at the United Church of Bacon.
Speaker 6 (30:25):
I don't know why not?
Speaker 1 (30:27):
Because Bacon never gets past her ready never Surfer Todd
the comedian sent that one. It's Big Ben's lame jokes
the league. Why doesn't Lizzo know if she wants to
go to Heaven or Hell? Eddie?
Speaker 6 (30:40):
I don't know. Why does this she know?
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Well, she doesn't know what she likes better, Angel food
cake or Devil's food cake. It's very hard, very different
listener to be sent that one in. What's the difference
between Lizzo and a large iceberg?
Speaker 6 (30:57):
Liz does not float?
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Oh no, no, no, A large exposes only ten percent of
its mass, Eddie. Didn't you learn that in school? That's
Gordon and Takolma.
Speaker 6 (31:05):
I did not learn that.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Okay, there you go. Why is Lizzo such a good singer?
Speaker 6 (31:11):
I don't know. Why is she such a good singer?
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Well, she crushes the musical scales. To Eddie, she's really
good with those scales. Man. That's Chip in Maine who
sent that one. Of These are Big Ben's lame jokes
a week, Actual jokes sent by actual listeners. What do
you call an elevator with Lizo inside a death trap? No?
Two words, Eddie, max capacity is what you call it.
That's Alex the Cynical who sent that one in Got
(31:36):
any jokes over there? Kooper loop negative coops? Out of
the jokes you used to get a lot of jokes.
What happened?
Speaker 6 (31:42):
Coop?
Speaker 1 (31:42):
No jokes for you? What will happen to weed Man
now that the government has put a work requirement on
food stamps?
Speaker 6 (31:51):
Oh boy, he's not gonna get any foodstamps.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
One word, Eddie, starvation is the word. That's a surfer
Todd the comedian. Yeah, did you hear that the Disney
World in Florida's relocating?
Speaker 3 (32:06):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Really?
Speaker 6 (32:06):
Where are they going?
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Yeah, they've signed a sweet deal to move to weed
Man's house. Of Mouse. So that's where they're gonna be.
Hang on, it's Justin in DC back this week with
his jokes. We love Justin in d C. Why did
weed Man lose his job?
Speaker 6 (32:24):
I don't know. Why do he lose his job?
Speaker 1 (32:26):
It turns out he could not really sink his teeth
into his work. Eddie could not could not do that.
Oh yeah, that's Justin in DC. It's Big Ben's lame
jokes of the week. What would be the difference between
Coop and Roberto if Coop was the one that left
the show?
Speaker 6 (32:44):
Oh? I don't know. What would be the difference?
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Coop would find greener pastures.
Speaker 6 (32:52):
These jokes are really good this week.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Thank you Kurt from Earth. What do Roberto and transgender
day of have in common?
Speaker 6 (33:00):
I don't know what they have.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
They are both going to miss Dick in Dayton. They're
both going to miss Dick in Dayton. That is the answer.
Who should be the next engineer on the Ben Maler Show.
Speaker 6 (33:19):
Boy, There's so many excellent choices to choose from.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
I don't know who Nelson Aglar He's the only one
Eddie with more drops than Roberto had, So that's the answer. There.
Speaker 6 (33:30):
No, we don't appreciate your joke, So man.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
Yeah, I think the jokes are better. We just play
the laugh jack Well, what does Ferg Dog shout tell?
I will say next week? Wait, that's the one we
should be playing out the other crap? All right? What
does Ferg Dog shout at Brian Finley when he uses
the last of the Mayo?
Speaker 6 (33:50):
I don't know. What does he shout at him?
Speaker 1 (33:51):
What the hellman dah that we are? Seriously, that's a
Mayo joke, that's I'm justin Why justin easy? Why does
Brian Finley like Pokemon because he likes to pik at
you when in studio out? Let's start. These are outstanding jokes, Eddie,
(34:21):
outstanding jokes, wonderful jokes, amazing, stunningly good jokes. Let's see here,
we'll skip over that one. Oh why does Kyler Murray
love the movie Scarface? Well, he loves it When al
Pacino shouts say hello to my little friend. That's justin
(34:41):
in DC. I guess I was. Sam did not get
the memo to play the only laugh track that needs
to be played, not the other other ones. There, that's
a bad joe right there. It is Big Ben's lame
Jokes of the Week. Thank you all for your jokes.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Good job even be sure to catch live edition. And
so the Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
eleven pm Pacific.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Are we ready for the coop scoop on Entertainment? Hell yeah,
all right, hooray for Holly Would, Ray for Holly Would,
And here we go the Cooper Loop. Justin Cooper.
Speaker 6 (35:18):
Well, some bad news.
Speaker 5 (35:19):
It's going to be a short coop scoop on entertainment
because we are stirred in the midst of the writers strike.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
So, oh, that's right, there's a coop. Are you supporting
the writers? No?
Speaker 6 (35:31):
No, we have a few of these every now and then.
How is this as far as like the length of it?
Is this a prolonged one? Is it kind of the
typical one? Do you know?
Speaker 5 (35:41):
Well, we're thinking it's not going to be as bad
as the last one because this time around the Director's Guild. Yes,
they settled and they are in support of the writers Guild,
which was not the case last time.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Okay, let me put that in sports terms, Eddie. So
this is like when Jalen Hurt signed his contract and
then Lamar Jackson stole the contract. They did the same thing.
Is that the same? Is that the concept? Yeah, like
they did that. The directors did the outline, and then
the writers will just copy the outline, right, right?
Speaker 5 (36:12):
I mean I feel like it also be kind of
like if there was like because like, do the the
coaches have a do that they.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
Have a union?
Speaker 5 (36:20):
Right?
Speaker 1 (36:20):
Do they? I would imagine so? Right? Or no? No?
Speaker 6 (36:23):
I know the refs the refs do?
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (36:26):
Is that the only other union in the league?
Speaker 1 (36:30):
I believe. I don't hold me to that, but I
think that's that. I don't know of a coach's union. Yeah,
I don't think.
Speaker 5 (36:35):
I haven't ever heard of that either. But it'd be
like if they did have a union and then they
came out in support of the players, that would be
kind of like what's going on? But anyway, so there's
there's not a lot of new stuff. But we do
have a new movie coming out. It's already out in
some places. It's Transformers. They're back Rise of the Beasts.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
So yeah, the return of Megatron's right, that is true.
Speaker 5 (37:04):
It's got middling reviews Transformers Rise of the Beasts. But
we do have a new show on Apple TV Plus
that is available right now. But it's called The Crowded Room.
It was originally ordered as an anthology series, but now
it's just going to be a ten episode mini series.
First three episodes available right now. It is based on
(37:24):
a nineteen eighty one nonfiction book about the man who
has arrested for multiple crimes and the first person in
history to be acquitted for what was then known as
multiple personality disorder. They have now some more politically correct
term for it, dissociative identity disorder. I think yes, but yeah,
(37:46):
so that the title character are the main characters played
by Tom Holland. The show also stars Amanda se Freed,
Emmy rossam to Great Great Actresses and that is available
on on Apple TV Plus.
Speaker 7 (38:01):
Hey Coop, Yes, so did you hear about Tom Holland?
He said after he made this show, he's like, I'm
taking a year off because it messed with his head.
Speaker 5 (38:08):
I did not hear that. It's something you commonly hear
when they play these disturbed characters. You know, there's a
rumor that that's what.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
After this show, I'm taking nice to do that.
Speaker 5 (38:19):
Oh you know, I've got I've got something for you, Ben.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
Oh good, Okay, here we are documentary.
Speaker 5 (38:24):
It's it's not really a documentary. I kind of wish
it was, but it's a drama that is kind of
based it's based on a true thing, so it's a
reenactment of it. Should I feel like it should be
a documentary, But it's a movie. It's called Flame and
Hot And this is on Hulu.
Speaker 6 (38:42):
Eva Longoria did this or something I saw?
Speaker 5 (38:44):
Yes, it's her directorial debut. It stars Tony shaloub h
and basically it's the story of a freedom lay janitor.
This is a true story who eventually became a key
marketer for the company and was the inventor of flat
in hot cheetos.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
Oh nice, what I din't know that?
Speaker 5 (39:03):
What is uh?
Speaker 1 (39:04):
What is that on? That is on Hulu?
Speaker 5 (39:07):
Okay, and it is available right now.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
It's you know, I had I had dinner with mister
missus Longoy there what well? Kind I mean when Tony
Parker was playing for the Spurs back in there she
was she was hanging out, Okay, I she was a
different table, but in the same room. Oh god, I
mean we were in the same room, Eddie, big deal.
(39:29):
I mean it was just right across from me at
the other table, like next to me in the next
table over chick current media room or whatever. Yeah, and
that was when I think Tony Parker was sleeping with
was it? Wait? Who is? Which one? Was he was? Its? Yeah?
Double crossing? How dare dog?
Speaker 6 (39:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (39:50):
Yes, I was saying, you know what, The working title
of that film should have been, what's that good? Cheetoh hunting?
Speaker 1 (40:00):
No, don't get that. I feel like Iowa, Sam's ready
for puns of fun.
Speaker 7 (40:05):
He really need some sleep or something quite with.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
You didn't laugh at the jokes, and you're laughing at that,
how dare you?
Speaker 6 (40:15):
I didn't laugh at that. No, I didn't laugh at
all of it.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
Yeah, I thought it was good.
Speaker 6 (40:18):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
I thank you, stupid, Okay, thank you for that.
Thanks for listening to the best of the Ben Maler
Show podcast. Be sure to catch us live every weeknight
from two to six Eastern eleven pm to three am
Pacific on Fox Sports Radio and to find your local
station for the Benmathers Show at Foxsports Radio dot com.
You can find it there or stream us live every
night on the iHeartRadio app by searching FSR.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
This is the best of the Ben Maler Show on
Fox Sports Radio.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
A cook top. If you will, welcome in the beginning
of another edition of the Benmathers Show.
Speaker 3 (00:41):
We are in the air everywhere like minded patrons, as
we are popping good unless we're not Coast coast, Port,
on the Border.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
And beyond on the last and mighty powerful Mike phones
of FSR am monating live from the pulpit, the Bully Pulpit.
We are broadcasting live from the ti rack dot com studios.
Ti ract dot com will help you get there in
unmatched selection, fast free shipping, free road hazard protection and
(01:17):
over ten thousand recommended in storrs. That's a lot. Tire
raq dot Com. The way tire buying should be. Hope
you're doing well, and I assume you're not doing that
bad because you're listening to a gas baggery. And if
you're listening to gas baggery, then things can't be that bad,
you know, it can always be worse. Although some would
say this is as bad as it gets hearing the show.
(01:38):
I've gotten those emails before. But our lead this hour
coming from the NFL. Why it's June and why not?
So after months of speculation, the eagle has landed, or
in this case, the Viking has landed. Now if you
have not heard yet, oh this is sally exciting less
(02:01):
it's not. Now. I actually got some emails on this.
People are like, oh, yeah, you got to talk about
this is a big deal. This is a big deal.
So I don't know how big a deal it is.
But anyway, we've learned that the Minnesota football team has
informed running back Dalvin Cook that his services are no
longer needed and they have decided to toss him overboard
(02:23):
off the Viking ship and six years, six seasons very
productive if you're a fantasy football player, Dalvin Cook was
one of your good friends in the Twin Cities, and
now the headline reads Cook is cooked, at least in Minnesota.
His pending departure will become official. Later on on Friday,
(02:45):
he will enter the transfer portal, and some NFL pundits
are salivating. Many are also questioning the logic of the
move for the Purple People leaders. How could they do this?
He's still a productive player, So why don't we start
(03:06):
with that? All right, Let's let's start with that. So
let us discuss the question what message are the Viking
sending by releasing Dalvin Cook's obvious questions? So what's that's
the question. So I've got Godfather sardines and produce isle
and we will tie all of these things together and
(03:29):
we are going to make a juicy lucy. Now, I
can proudly tell you that I've eaten every type of
juicy lucy available from Saint Paul to Minneapolis and everywhere
in between. There's actually nothing in between. But I'm an
expert now at the juicy lucy, and they the Vikings
are following what I call the standard road map in
(03:50):
the modern NFL. Okay, So what does that mean? Everything
is now regimented in all these sports leagues. There's no
more gut field, there's no more have a hunch, bet
a bunch. That's not how it works. The guide book
is based on the nerds, the analytics. They crunch the numbers.
(04:10):
It's the same concept in baseball, where if you throw
one hundred pitches, they've got to take you out of
the game, and if not, it's abuse by the manager
and you can't face the lineup the third time through
because the three ring binder says, the starting pitcher will
then fall into Dante's inferno. If that happens, well in football,
(04:33):
what's the recipe for running backs? You reach a certain threshold,
which is number of touches, and all of a sudden
you start imploding. There's an implosion that takes place that's
based on the analytics. I didn't come up with the analytics.
But Dalvin Cook will be twenty eight by the next
NFL season. Typically you're not burned out. The standard had
(04:58):
been till you're thirty. We all know that right to
care about this kind of crap. However, it's the wear
and tear that is the problem. The cold blooded dweebs
used their calculator and they say that this is a
touchy feely problem, meaning that Dalvin Cook has crossed into
(05:19):
dead man's land. He zoomed passed fifteen hundred touches in
his career last season, and that that is why the
Vikings are dumping me. It has nothing to do with
the salary cap. That's just something that dumb people like
to bring up and say, Oh, it's a so recip
The Vikings are saving a lot of money. Oh shut up,
(05:40):
you're a maron. That's just the excuse NFL teams use.
They blame the spreadsheet. Trust me. If Dalvin Cook was
same age and had a thousand touches, the Minnesota Vikings
would keep him. And it's it's the old Godfather special right.
It's not personal, it's rickly business. Just so we're on
(06:02):
the wave, the same wavelength. Again, if Cook had fewer carries,
he would stay there. That is an open and shut
case now. Furthermore so, Dalvin Cook being dumped has led
to pushback. Of course, it has among them current NFL
long in the tooth running back mark Ingram who says, quote,
(06:23):
it's really offensive how the league treats running backs, and
he claimed we think tongue in cheek that the running
backs need their own union and their own CBA. Now
RG three, who had a cup of coffee and is
now a gas bag and talking head RG three said
(06:44):
running backs are getting hosed in the NFL. He says,
they've run you guys in the dirt and then doubt
pay you what you have earned. Sad unjust ridiculous. Oh boy,
good hyperblee. So let's talk about this now, mark Ingram
saying we'll start with that, mark Ingram saying it's offensive
how the league treats running backs and RG three pointing
(07:05):
out that they deserve better pay. Are these takes based
in reality? So they're not basing my reality, They're basing
an alternative reality. I under said mark Inger was like,
a running back should make more. Yeah, I think overnight
sports talk shows should make more. Two, I think we
should form our own union. Overnight gasbag should form our
(07:28):
own union. But the NFL as a business had a
seminal moment. Every man, woman and child that pays attention
knows this back. It was way back. It was barely
alive in the nineties. But that's when the Great Reset
happened because there was a time when the running back
was the biggest star of the game. Legends Eric Dickerson,
Walter Payton, Barry Sanders, Bo Jackson, Marcus Allen, the last era.
(07:53):
The last sliver of that was Emmett Smith in the
heyday of the Jerry Jones Cowboy when Jerry was a
much younger man and the Cowboys actually won championships. He's
the one that drove the bus. Troy Y Aikman was
the bus rider, and he was a bus rider that
went all the way to the Hall of Fame. But
Emmett Smith was that Cowboy offense. And since then the
(08:15):
running backs have slowly and now as we've gone further
it's completely gone to dust, but have been marginalized. They're
easily replaced your offensive line and quarterback. The mindset of
the NFL. As long as the offensive line quarterback do
your job, you can go down to Dollar General and
(08:36):
get a running back. Night Dollar General, you can find
a running back. Why because running backs are the sardines
of the NFL world and quarterbacks are the salmon. That's
the reality. You got sardines and you got salmon. Sardines
(08:58):
are cheap. I don't like sardines, but you say how
cheap they are? I mean, you know why, because they're abundant.
They're abundant in the wild. The demand does not exist
and there's no it does not exceed the offer. So,
simply put, there's plenty. It's like right here, there's plenty
of running backs to go around, and that means that
getting a new running back every few years is fine
(09:20):
because they find them. They're growing everywhere. Salmon is pretty
expensive because I'm told I've never tried to catch a salmon,
but I'm told it's difficult compared to sardines, and there's
actually a demand because of popularity. All right, last word,
So will Dalvin Cook be swimming not like a sardine
(09:42):
but like a salmon with the Dolphins. That's the hot
rumor Dolphins and Broncos. But let's focus in on Dolphins now.
We talked about this in a previous episode of the show,
and all the key indicators point that direction. He's from
South Florida. The Dolphins have a job opening in the backfield.
Miami is in win now mode. Their owner is really
(10:08):
long in the tooth. He's horny to win. He wants
to win before he checks out, and he's willing to
do whatever it takes. And Dalvin Cook teased, but did
not please. He teased this move. He posted on the
socials a photo of him celebrating at the Dolphins stadium
as a viking, of course. But what could derail this deal?
(10:33):
The answer the produce aisle ergo A big bag of cabbage,
big bag of kevich Like as the old line goes,
money does not talk, it screams. And the Dolphins make
all the sense in the world. Be great, he loves
the area. Team needs a running back. Be solid. Right.
(10:56):
The Dolphins, we are told, are not going to give
a blank check. And if that's the case, and I
assume Dalvin Cook is not running a charity when it
comes to his salary, the hometown discount is likely not
in the cards. So Dalvin Cook would be a sexy addition,
(11:18):
a little rasthmataz. But all it takes is some vulture
who's got a lot of extra petty cash to toss
it to start throwing the cabbage at Dalvin Cook. But
all of these teams, here's the problem for Dalvin Cook.
All these teams use the same guidelines as we talked about.
Are you over that threshold of touches and so you're
(11:42):
twenty eight years old in the eyes of the NFL,
you've had too many miles on the odometer, and that
is problematic.
Speaker 2 (11:48):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meler
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Not feeling green, Not so much. Wel come in the
beginning of another hour of the Ben Malors Show. We
are in the air everywhere talk mates, as we say,
grab a tree, right, grab a tree and celebrate. Why not?
(12:19):
It's the end of the week. Yeah, I know you're exciting.
Coast to coast, border, the border and beyond. On the
mast and herculeanly powerful microphones of FSR amnating live from
the way, learning the hard way. We are broadcasting live
from the ti raq dot com studios, tire rack dot com,
(12:42):
the uh They'll help you get there, and unmatched selection, fast,
free shipping, free road hazard protection at over ten thousand
recommended in stars tyraq dot com the way tirebanks should be.
So our lead this hour, coming from the Oregon Trail.
We have a mantra we go where the story takes
us and where the news of the day takes us,
(13:03):
And so I did not anticipate this would be something
we would discuss, but here we are, and it figures
to be the story of stories. Once we get into
the pro bouncy Ball silly season, which begins immediately after
the NBA Finals and after the Ja Morant suspension. More
on that in a minute. But the future of Dame Lillard. Now,
(13:23):
I know you're very concerned. You're staying up late, you
can't sleep, you have insomnia because you're worried about where
Damian Lillard is going to live. Where's he going to
go see the eye doctor and the dentist and get
his dry cleaning and all that. So as the finals continue,
we're in the middle of that. The Lillard sweepstakes are
(13:45):
heating up. Now. If you've not been following along in
chances are you have a life, so you have not.
We are hearing that the Miami Heat, the Brooklyn Nets,
and the Philadelphia seventy six ers are the most likely
trade destinations for the unhappy Trailblazer. The biggest story, though,
(14:09):
is not those teams. It's a report on where Lillard
does not want to play. Now that's the story. The
Bleacher Report tells us that it is pretty safe to
say that Damian Lillard will not accept the trade to
(14:31):
the Celtics. Ooh, that's the losing locker room. That's a
good story. I don't even know it's true. It's a
good story. Somebody named Chris Haynes, who we are told
as an NBA insider, and he is a reporting that
Lillard is quote not doing Boston man. All right. So
(14:54):
that is what's known as red meat in a sports
talk radio. And we're hungry, and here we go. So
the question, Dame Lillard, according to this report, will not
accept the trade to the Celtics, believe it or not.
So I am agnostic on this. I am agnostic on this.
(15:18):
I've got Jigsaw, Camp, Pendleton and Pulitzer Prize, and we'll
talk about some other things as well, but we're gonna
start with this Lilard story. So to tip off here,
Damian Lillard does not have a vote, all right, I'm
gonna check my notes here. He does not have a vote.
Without a no trade clause, all he can do is
(15:41):
raise a hullabaloo. That's it. That's all he can do.
Lillard is thirty three, he has one more year on
his contract, and then he's got a player option which
is worth chump change forty eight million dollars. But Dame
time is winning time. Everyone said this. We all enjoy
(16:01):
watching Dame Lillard in close games late in the game,
and lately he's been sulking because the Blazers blow. And
here's the issue, though, Boston is the antithesis of what's
going on in Portland. They have now been to four
conference finals the Celtics and an NBA finals over the
(16:23):
last seven years. That seems like it's pretty good. I
didn't play in the NBA. I don't know. Maybe that's not,
but I think that's pretty good, not great. They didn't
win anything. That's pretty good. So my diagnosis, we'll see
if you agree with me on this. Dame Lithard to Boston.
(16:44):
That is the missing jigsaw puzzle piece. Lillard and that
Celtic roster on the parque would go together like fish
and chips, and in a parallel dimension, his play would
be in and and ask for the Boston thing, I don'
want to play there, and I was. There's right stuff, Listen,
(17:06):
there are scumbags in every city I've traveled all over
the United States. There are complete losers in every city. Right,
there's also good people in every city. And Boston is
a very liberal location. And over the last generation they
have more college students enrolled per capita when compared with
(17:27):
other major metropolitan areas and all that. Now, the fans
have high standards. Do they have those? Yes, if you
win in that region, you are a false god? Is
that true or false? That is true? Do they put
you on a pedestal? Yes? Do they canonize you? Absolutely?
In fact, you only have to have a couple of
(17:48):
good years for the Celtics. They'll retire your number. They
retire everyone's number. Who's any good that plays with the Celtics.
You're worshiped. So my advice to Damiel Lillard is to
send the text. Send a nice text over to Kevin
Garnett for more information. KG. I remember years ago because
I was bloviating shockingly right here on these same Fox
(18:11):
Sports radio microphones. As my career has reached the Peter principle,
my highest level of incompetence, and I have stayed here.
But Kevin Garnett wanted nothing to do with Boston. He
wanted to play in a warm weather city. He wanted
to play where everyone else wants to play, Miami or
LA and the Celtics at that time were not that good.
(18:33):
He was in Minnesota and go to Boston. And now
after they had that confetti party, the toughest championship ever
won an NBA history, overcoming the Doc Rivers curse. Kevin
Garnett is entombed in the Valley of the Kings with
the Celtics, and Dame Lillard would have a reproduction of
that play if he were to end up with the Celtics,
(18:56):
and the Blazers would come out great in this because
they would likely get Jalen Brown and some draft picks,
which is all they really care about there. And the
move here for Lillard is to say you don't want
to play in Boston and then the Celtics will overcompensate
to give you even more goodies to get you to
come to Boston. So you play hard to get right.
(19:19):
It's like the dating game, isn't that what they teach?
And women play hard to get guys like that more. Well,
that's what you gotta do, so it's a win win. Now,
moving on to the next chapter of this three part
Mallard monologue extrava Gonza. So Adam Silver, half man, half lizard,
person Commissioner of the NBA. Adam Silver popped up right
(19:41):
here where I work on Fox Sports Radio. He was
chatting with my teammate Dan Patrick, who has no idea
who I am. But Dan Patrick had him on the
show and in a very meaty quote, Adam Silver said
that he is concerned about John Morant, the grizzly gun
(20:01):
toting guard, possibly adding to his problems with more free
time if he is indeed suspended for the balance of
next NBA season. Now, Silver, the bleeding Heart commissioner says
that he wants to put Jamarant in a special program
while he is persona non grata from the NBA. So
(20:25):
the question here, what is your perspective on Adam Silver's
worry about Jah Morant getting in more trouble with extra
free time. So my initial thought on this is it
is actually accurate that too much free time is actually
bad for you. I know, I go crazy. I gotta
(20:47):
take vacation because I'm forced. My arm is literally twisted
behind my back, I am blindfolded, there is a knife
at my throat. My wife does that to get me
to take time off, and I normally have to a
couple of days. I'm like, oh God, I'm going crazy.
The other problems though, I'm a bit of a workaholic,
But the other problems are dwelling on issues right, depression
(21:11):
sets in your mind starts wandering, which is a very
dangerous thing, very dangerous thing, Ja Morant. If you gave
him the season off, he could end up the new
president of the NRA. He loves guns that much, right,
if he suspended all season. So the solution, if you
have a problem, what's the solution. So the solution here
is a nice extended stay at Camp Pendleton in Oceanside,
(21:35):
just north of San Diego or Paris Island in South Carolina,
Military boot Camp. As a friend of the show, the
Great Tim mcdarby, big fan of the show, he got
all worked up. He was listening to the Odd Couple
earlier and they were talking about this, and he said,
he sent me a rant. He's like, Ben, Yeah, I
need to just blow some steam off, Tim said, And
(21:56):
he said, Ja Morant needs structure, okay, So and I
don't disagree with that. I don't disagree with that. So
he needs structure. So Military boot Camp, Basic Training, Life Skills,
Mandatory book Club, and Idiot's Guide to Making Good Decisions.
Methinks that Jaws prefrontal cortex is not fully developed the
(22:19):
problem solving part of the brain is weak now. It
is nice, though, of Adam Silver to confess that the
ray Key treatment was a total sham. Remember when the
NBA said, well, let me tell you some John Moran's
getting therapy in Florida. Yeah, he's getting He's getting therapy
in Florida. Yes, that was palm healing with universal energy
(22:43):
transferred through the palm of the healer to the patient
to encourage physical healing. Or as my friend Jayscoop would say, bullpucky.
Now flipping the page on that last thing here the
Trident Malo monologue. So the Nuggets and the Nets, i
am told, will resume activities tonight. In Game four of
(23:09):
the Finals, Nikola Jokic is being celebrated for fueling the
last win the other night with a fiery postgame speech
following Game two that carried over into Game three. With
breathless reporting, we are told that Jeff Green, Contavious, Colbot Pope,
and DeAndre Jordan called out their teammates for being dogs, lackadaisical,
(23:32):
lethargic and all that. And then, in a dramatic made
for a Disney movie, the Joker was compelled to address
his comrades in arms and using brevity. He was able
to get his point across. You see Nicola Jokic. He
gave them this pep talk that inspired them. So was
(23:56):
Nicola Jokic's postgame speech the gasoline that powered the Nuggets
to victory. No, I'm rolling my eyes. This contrives stuff
is next level. And I would like to remind you,
and I say this every year, the reactionary NBA scribes
(24:17):
should win a Pulitzer Prize in poetry. Here are some
of the stories in this NBA files. After Game one,
the NBA scribes told us the heat were cooked. In
game two, the storyline was Miami had figured out how
to stop Nikola Jokic. They had to cheat code that
was in game two. After the game game three, it
(24:39):
is now that that win was powered by a speech
from the Serbian stallion. And all of this is nice.
Warm fertilizer is what that is. Denver played better because
they sucked at a time you cannot suck. That was
the wake up, not because of some speech from Jokic
(25:04):
or Michael Malone. Remember, there is no such thing as
momentum in sports. It does not exist. It's something that
dumbs sports media. People like to repeat past performance is
no guarantee of future success. Whether you invest in a
fortune five hundred company, a block of real estate in
(25:27):
South Beach or Beverly Hills, it doesn't matter. It does
not matter.
Speaker 2 (25:33):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
It's me Rock Parker.
Speaker 4 (25:41):
Check out my weekly MLB podcast, Inside the Parker for
twenty two minutes of pipeing hot baseball talk featuring the
biggest names of newsmakers in the sport. Whether you believe
in analytics or the ie test, We've got all the
bases covered. New episodes drop every Thursday, so do yourself
a favor and listen to Inside the Parker with Rob
(26:04):
Parker on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcast.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
It's Mallard. How about that to the third degree? This
is one big fan gets grilled coo Elo.
Speaker 5 (26:18):
Recent reports say that James Harden is torn between two teams,
staying with the seventy six ers and making a return
to the Houston Rockets. Ben, where do you think Harden
ends up?
Speaker 1 (26:28):
I don't believe it. I believe the story. A week ago,
the Breathless reporting that he wanted to go back to Houston.
He was done in Philadelphia. He should the other time
he was at the very top was in Houston as
far as his ability, and he should go back to
the right. They retired his number at the Jiggle Joint
in Houston next.
Speaker 5 (26:46):
Now, it seems like every year we hear rumors of
a Damian Lillard trade and yet it never happens. Lillard
still has not requested a trade from the Trailblazers, but
his former teammates C. J. McCullum thinks we've seen the
last of Dame in Portland.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Ben Is he right? So I have it the odds
at fifty five forty five that Lillard is going to
stay in Portland. Now he's trying to get out though,
but I still think the Blazers are gonna gonna attempt
to hold on him next.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson recently said that he sees a
pathway forward to keeping the Bears at Soldier Field. What
do you think ultimately happens for the Bears.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Well, I've been to Chicago, I have family in Chicago.
It is the most corrupt city with politicians, and that
is saying something in the United States. So yes, it's
all about finagling taxpayer money. They'll go anyway, they'll go
to Peoria. But it is it's still on the table.
How do we know, Kop?
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in
the nation. Catch all of our shows at foxsports Radio
dot com and within the iHeartRadio app search FSR to
listen live Knock Knock, Who's there? Blame?
Speaker 1 (27:59):
We blame.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
It's Big Ben's lame joke of the week.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
And these are actual jokes sent by actual listeners. I
just want to mention that we did a segment about
Disney characters and there was one person left listening to
the show, and that is Andy, the comic book guy,
who was very appreciative. And he said that the creator
of goof Troop, uh, duc Tails and Chippendale is a
(28:25):
customer at its store, so he's very excited about that
that so we only did that segment for him. These
are actual jokes in in by actual listeners. And do
we have a fake weed man, Coop?
Speaker 5 (28:38):
I mean, unless, uh, unless you want that first.
Speaker 1 (28:41):
No, I think we're good. Okay, which country does Lizzo
refuse to visit?
Speaker 6 (28:47):
Eddie? Ah? Geez that's a good one. I don't know
what what country is? She not into.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Hungry, She's not into that job on me, Gorge into Colvid.
Did you hear the that five hundred crabs passed away
sadly at a California beach this week?
Speaker 6 (29:05):
No, I didn't hear that.
Speaker 1 (29:06):
Yes, Lizzo apparently decided to lay down and that was
a problem. That's Noah in Austin sent that one in.
And you can send jokes in if you want care
of Ben Maler Show at gmail dot com. Ben Maler
Show at gmail dot com, and we may read your comments,
your jokes on the air. Just put jokes in the headlines.
What do you call a large tub of lard?
Speaker 6 (29:28):
I don't know, Lizzo?
Speaker 1 (29:30):
Well, no, Lizzo taking a bath at you. That's Alex,
the Alex, the cynical sent that one in. It's big
Ben's lame jokes leak. Why did Lizzo create headlines at
the zoo this past month? Here?
Speaker 6 (29:45):
I don't know why did she create headlines at the zoo?
Speaker 1 (29:48):
Experts could not figure out how she got out of
the enclosure. They had no idea, no idea at all.
Daniel who sent that one in his Big Ben's lame
Jokes of the week, actual joke sent him by actual listeners.
Let's see here. Why is Lizzo a fan of Brian
Finley and Ferg Dog.
Speaker 6 (30:09):
I don't know. Why would she be a thing those
two guys.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
She heard they liked the spoon and she likes spoons, Eddie,
so he's very excited about that. It's Big Ben's lame
oh jokes of the week. Why won't Lizzo be the
first pastor at the United Church of Bacon.
Speaker 6 (30:25):
I don't know why not?
Speaker 1 (30:27):
Because Bacon never gets past her ready never Surfer Todd
the comedian sent that one. It's Big Ben's lame jokes
the league. Why doesn't Lizzo know if she wants to
go to Heaven or Hell? Eddie?
Speaker 6 (30:40):
I don't know. Why does this she know?
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Well, she doesn't know what she likes better, Angel food
cake or Devil's food cake. It's very hard, very different
listener to be sent that one in. What's the difference
between Lizzo and a large iceberg?
Speaker 6 (30:57):
Liz does not float?
Speaker 1 (30:58):
Oh no, no, no, A large exposes only ten percent of
its mass, Eddie. Didn't you learn that in school? That's
Gordon and Takolma.
Speaker 6 (31:05):
I did not learn that.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
Okay, there you go. Why is Lizzo such a good singer?
Speaker 6 (31:11):
I don't know. Why is she such a good singer?
Speaker 1 (31:13):
Well, she crushes the musical scales. To Eddie, she's really
good with those scales. Man. That's Chip in Maine who
sent that one. Of These are Big Ben's lame jokes
a week, Actual jokes sent by actual listeners. What do
you call an elevator with Lizo inside a death trap? No?
Two words, Eddie, max capacity is what you call it.
That's Alex the Cynical who sent that one in Got
(31:36):
any jokes over there? Kooper loop negative coops? Out of
the jokes you used to get a lot of jokes.
What happened?
Speaker 6 (31:42):
Coop?
Speaker 1 (31:42):
No jokes for you? What will happen to weed Man
now that the government has put a work requirement on
food stamps?
Speaker 6 (31:51):
Oh boy, he's not gonna get any foodstamps.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
One word, Eddie, starvation is the word. That's a surfer
Todd the comedian. Yeah, did you hear that the Disney
World in Florida's relocating?
Speaker 3 (32:06):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (32:06):
Really?
Speaker 6 (32:06):
Where are they going?
Speaker 1 (32:07):
Yeah, they've signed a sweet deal to move to weed
Man's house. Of Mouse. So that's where they're gonna be.
Hang on, it's Justin in DC back this week with
his jokes. We love Justin in d C. Why did
weed Man lose his job?
Speaker 6 (32:24):
I don't know. Why do he lose his job?
Speaker 1 (32:26):
It turns out he could not really sink his teeth
into his work. Eddie could not could not do that.
Oh yeah, that's Justin in DC. It's Big Ben's lame
jokes of the week. What would be the difference between
Coop and Roberto if Coop was the one that left
the show?
Speaker 6 (32:44):
Oh? I don't know. What would be the difference?
Speaker 1 (32:46):
Coop would find greener pastures.
Speaker 6 (32:52):
These jokes are really good this week.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Thank you Kurt from Earth. What do Roberto and transgender
day of have in common?
Speaker 6 (33:00):
I don't know what they have.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
They are both going to miss Dick in Dayton. They're
both going to miss Dick in Dayton. That is the answer.
Who should be the next engineer on the Ben Maler Show.
Speaker 6 (33:19):
Boy, There's so many excellent choices to choose from.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
I don't know who Nelson Aglar He's the only one
Eddie with more drops than Roberto had, So that's the answer. There.
Speaker 6 (33:30):
No, we don't appreciate your joke, So man.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
Yeah, I think the jokes are better. We just play
the laugh jack Well, what does Ferg Dog shout tell?
I will say next week? Wait, that's the one we
should be playing out the other crap? All right? What
does Ferg Dog shout at Brian Finley when he uses
the last of the Mayo?
Speaker 6 (33:50):
I don't know. What does he shout at him?
Speaker 1 (33:51):
What the hellman dah that we are? Seriously, that's a
Mayo joke, that's I'm justin Why justin easy? Why does
Brian Finley like Pokemon because he likes to pik at
you when in studio out? Let's start. These are outstanding jokes, Eddie,
(34:21):
outstanding jokes, wonderful jokes, amazing, stunningly good jokes. Let's see here,
we'll skip over that one. Oh why does Kyler Murray
love the movie Scarface? Well, he loves it When al
Pacino shouts say hello to my little friend. That's justin
(34:41):
in DC. I guess I was. Sam did not get
the memo to play the only laugh track that needs
to be played, not the other other ones. There, that's
a bad joe right there. It is Big Ben's lame
Jokes of the Week. Thank you all for your jokes.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Good job even be sure to catch live edition. And
so the Ben Maller Show weekdays at two am Eastern
eleven pm Pacific.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
Are we ready for the coop scoop on Entertainment? Hell yeah,
all right, hooray for Holly Would, Ray for Holly Would,
And here we go the Cooper Loop. Justin Cooper.
Speaker 6 (35:18):
Well, some bad news.
Speaker 5 (35:19):
It's going to be a short coop scoop on entertainment
because we are stirred in the midst of the writers strike.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
So, oh, that's right, there's a coop. Are you supporting
the writers? No?
Speaker 6 (35:31):
No, we have a few of these every now and then.
How is this as far as like the length of it?
Is this a prolonged one? Is it kind of the
typical one? Do you know?
Speaker 5 (35:41):
Well, we're thinking it's not going to be as bad
as the last one because this time around the Director's Guild. Yes,
they settled and they are in support of the writers Guild,
which was not the case last time.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Okay, let me put that in sports terms, Eddie. So
this is like when Jalen Hurt signed his contract and
then Lamar Jackson stole the contract. They did the same thing.
Is that the same? Is that the concept? Yeah, like
they did that. The directors did the outline, and then
the writers will just copy the outline, right, right?
Speaker 5 (36:12):
I mean I feel like it also be kind of
like if there was like because like, do the the
coaches have a do that they.
Speaker 1 (36:19):
Have a union?
Speaker 5 (36:20):
Right?
Speaker 1 (36:20):
Do they? I would imagine so? Right? Or no? No?
Speaker 6 (36:23):
I know the refs the refs do?
Speaker 1 (36:26):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (36:26):
Is that the only other union in the league?
Speaker 1 (36:30):
I believe. I don't hold me to that, but I
think that's that. I don't know of a coach's union. Yeah,
I don't think.
Speaker 5 (36:35):
I haven't ever heard of that either. But it'd be
like if they did have a union and then they
came out in support of the players, that would be
kind of like what's going on? But anyway, so there's
there's not a lot of new stuff. But we do
have a new movie coming out. It's already out in
some places. It's Transformers. They're back Rise of the Beasts.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
So yeah, the return of Megatron's right, that is true.
Speaker 5 (37:04):
It's got middling reviews Transformers Rise of the Beasts. But
we do have a new show on Apple TV Plus
that is available right now. But it's called The Crowded Room.
It was originally ordered as an anthology series, but now
it's just going to be a ten episode mini series.
First three episodes available right now. It is based on
(37:24):
a nineteen eighty one nonfiction book about the man who
has arrested for multiple crimes and the first person in
history to be acquitted for what was then known as
multiple personality disorder. They have now some more politically correct
term for it, dissociative identity disorder. I think yes, but yeah,
(37:46):
so that the title character are the main characters played
by Tom Holland. The show also stars Amanda se Freed,
Emmy rossam to Great Great Actresses and that is available
on on Apple TV Plus.
Speaker 7 (38:01):
Hey Coop, Yes, so did you hear about Tom Holland?
He said after he made this show, he's like, I'm
taking a year off because it messed with his head.
Speaker 5 (38:08):
I did not hear that. It's something you commonly hear
when they play these disturbed characters. You know, there's a
rumor that that's what.
Speaker 1 (38:16):
After this show, I'm taking nice to do that.
Speaker 5 (38:19):
Oh you know, I've got I've got something for you, Ben.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
Oh good, Okay, here we are documentary.
Speaker 5 (38:24):
It's it's not really a documentary. I kind of wish
it was, but it's a drama that is kind of
based it's based on a true thing, so it's a
reenactment of it. Should I feel like it should be
a documentary, But it's a movie. It's called Flame and
Hot And this is on Hulu.
Speaker 6 (38:42):
Eva Longoria did this or something I saw?
Speaker 5 (38:44):
Yes, it's her directorial debut. It stars Tony shaloub h
and basically it's the story of a freedom lay janitor.
This is a true story who eventually became a key
marketer for the company and was the inventor of flat
in hot cheetos.
Speaker 1 (39:01):
Oh nice, what I din't know that?
Speaker 5 (39:03):
What is uh?
Speaker 1 (39:04):
What is that on? That is on Hulu?
Speaker 5 (39:07):
Okay, and it is available right now.
Speaker 1 (39:09):
It's you know, I had I had dinner with mister
missus Longoy there what well? Kind I mean when Tony
Parker was playing for the Spurs back in there she
was she was hanging out, Okay, I she was a
different table, but in the same room. Oh god, I
mean we were in the same room, Eddie, big deal.
(39:29):
I mean it was just right across from me at
the other table, like next to me in the next
table over chick current media room or whatever. Yeah, and
that was when I think Tony Parker was sleeping with
was it? Wait? Who is? Which one? Was he was? Its? Yeah?
Double crossing? How dare dog?
Speaker 6 (39:50):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (39:50):
Yes, I was saying, you know what, The working title
of that film should have been, what's that good? Cheetoh hunting?
Speaker 1 (40:00):
No, don't get that. I feel like Iowa, Sam's ready
for puns of fun.
Speaker 7 (40:05):
He really need some sleep or something quite with.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
You didn't laugh at the jokes, and you're laughing at that,
how dare you?
Speaker 6 (40:15):
I didn't laugh at that. No, I didn't laugh at
all of it.
Speaker 1 (40:17):
Yeah, I thought it was good.
Speaker 6 (40:18):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (40:19):
I thank you, stupid, Okay, thank you for that.
Host
Ben Maller
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