August 4, 2023 • 38 mins
Ben Maller talks about Notre Dame's decision to stay independent rather than join the Big Ten, Washington State coach Jake Dickert ranting about TV money destroying college football, Lame Jokes of the Week, and much more!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome. It's our numb berth three and we
had to South Bend, Indiana the College Gridiron did Notre
Dame make the right choice to stay an independent. The
Big Ten put out some feelers just in case you
can get out of that acc contract. Would you be interested? Also,
(00:24):
what is your takeaway from what the Washington State football
coach had to say? He went on a rant about
the TV money destroying college football, And we'll go to
baseball as well. At Duardo Rodriguez of the Tigers exposed
as a phony, And does the Justin Verlander connection to
(00:44):
Boston prior to the trade deadline make sense? What's behind that?
Will go there as well? So I'll come in your
way here it is our number three touchdown. Jesus is
not budging, not budging. Welcome and the beginning of another
hour of the Ben Malors Show. We are in the
(01:06):
end everywhere, holding a conclave as we give you a
sporty oasis in the desert coast to coast, border the
order and beyond on the vast and immensely powerful microphones
of fs are amminating live from the trickle as we
(01:29):
trickle the ear hanging out with you here trickle in
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(01:50):
the Way Tire Buying showbe are lead this hour, coming
from the wacky world of realignment, the reorganization and if
you will, I love this story. It is the chaos
theory of the universe is in play here man Alive.
What a wacky, wacky story it is. It really is
(02:13):
chaos for college football and man Alive. A bunch of
random events all lined up there and nobody knows anything,
and everyone thinks they know, but they don't know. The vultures.
If you've not been paying attention, the vultures from the
Big ten and the Big twelve are now circling the
rotting carcass of the ones powerful pac twelve, and they're
(02:36):
looking to pick away at what's left of that once
regaled conference out on the Western front. Now, Oregon and
Washington are contemplating whether or not they want to listen
to all the sweet talk and join USC and UCLA
as the Western front of the Big Ten, which will
(02:57):
should this happen, span from the west coast to the
east coast, with schools in New Jersey Piscataway, New Jersey.
There Rutgers and Maryland part of the Big Ten, so
they're all in on this. The Big Ten wants to
be the national brand Coast to coast, sea to Shining Sea,
but Oregon and Washington haven't given the green light on
(03:19):
that yet. And this regrouping of the Power five has
also knocked on Notre Dame's hallowed doors. So we have
heard now if you have not followed this, but perhaps not.
We we learned that despite having a tentative a long
term agreement through twenty thirty six with the ACC and
(03:43):
all of the bells and whistles that that has, it
has not stopped back channel conversations FM taking place and
being wooed with the fighting Irisher being wooed. But they
have at this point stated they are committed to remaining
an independent. Notre Dame has been an independent since the inception,
(04:08):
with the exception of the COVID year where they had
to join the ACC, but nobody took that year very seriously.
But they will remain an independent at least if you
believe the reporting. So let us discuss did Notre Dame
make the right decision what appears to be their decision
to stay an independent So I am nodding my head. Yes,
(04:29):
I've got Game of Thrones, Wall Street analysts and paralysis,
and we will connect all of these random things together
and we are going to make a banana cream pie,
the great pie at the very top of the big
board of pies, the banana cream pie. So first thought
(04:52):
I have. My first thought I have on this is
this is a no brainer. The fighting Irish are living
already in the penthouse. When you're living in the penthouse,
you don't need to go down a couple of floors.
You're already in the penthouse. They don't need the Big Ten.
They don't need what the Big ten has to offer.
The Big ten needs them Notre Dame, even though they
(05:15):
haven't run one Diddley squat in a long time, Notre
Dame is the biggest damn brand in all the land.
They have a captive audience. We all know what the
captive audience is. There are roughly sixty two million practicing
Catholics in the United States. Not all of them are
Notre Dame fans, but enough of them are where it
(05:35):
works right. Eighteen point seven percent of the US population
practicing Catholics, so fair percentage of those people support Notre Dame.
I was a kid growing up in southern California and
one of my buddies loved Notre Dame. And I said,
why do you like Notre Dame? Did You're from California?
Speaker 2 (05:53):
What's up with that?
Speaker 1 (05:54):
He's, oh, yeah, I'm Catholics. I guess his family was
all Notre Dame fans, but Irish fans. It's baked in.
It's baked in more importantly though, when you look out
on the horizon, this is a Game of Thrones situation.
A lion does not concern himself with the opinions of
(06:16):
sheep and the big ten. When you're noted Dom, the
big ten are sheep plus the fighting Irish shift Hit
the Daily Double Daly Dabo Daily dabbles. They have a
deal for secondary sports, the non football sports in the ACC,
so they get all the benefits of being in the
(06:37):
basketball and the other sports in the Atlantic Coast Conference.
They cash in. The football program gets their own lucrative
television deal with NBC. They have a marketing deal that
is separate, so they keep one hundred percent of the
proceeds one percent. They don't have to share. They don't
have to pool their money with anyone else. They have
a license to a printing press, not counterfeit money. No, no, no,
(07:03):
So why would they share the sugar with the peons?
The answers they would now continuing that train of thought,
but going from South Bend to the police Pullman, Washington.
We don't often talk about Washington State football. Why would we?
But the PAC twelve is facing their last supper as
(07:24):
they are about to blow up here in a cautionary tale,
the Washington State football coach named Jake Dickert is his
name and coaching football his game. So he got on
his soapbox this week, the Washington State coach ranting over
(07:44):
the current state of the PAC twelve with more schools
rumored to be departing the conference, that he is a
part of the PAC twelve about to go up and smoke.
And he got up there, right up there and was
ranting and raven from the top of the soapbox. Let's
go to the auto tip take a list.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
It's one of those things, you know, guys, we got
to control a wee can control.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
You know.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
It's amazing to me, you know how. You know, the
old question on how long would it take TV money
to destroy college football? Maybe we're here, you know, maybe
we're here. You know, to think even remotely five years
ago the PAC twelve would be in this position, it's
unthinkable to think that we're here today and to think
that local rivalries are at risk and fans driving four
(08:34):
hours to watch their team play in a road game
and rivalries is at risk, to me is unbelievable. Okay,
and I know our place at the table. But at
the end of the day, Pack twelve football and PAC
twelve brand, Man, if we stay together, is really strong
and we'll have a strong future. I firmly believe in that,
you know. So it's important, you know, that we stay
(08:54):
focused here in the now in maximizing what we can.
But at the end of the day, I just think
it's we'll look back in college football in twenty years
and be like, what are we doing?
Speaker 2 (09:04):
What are we doing?
Speaker 3 (09:05):
You know, Let's let our guys stay regional, let's play,
let's preserve the PAC twelve and what it is.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
All right, So that's the head coach there. I think
I called him by the run and Jake. His name
is da If you meet him, call him Jake. Jake
Dickard is the guy's name that you're a very passionate
speech from the Washington State coach there, saying that TV
money destroying college football. So what is your takeaway from
what you just heard? So this was a little bit
of mel Gibson passion of the christ right. You could
(09:32):
hear the agony in Jake Dickard's voice that he spent
fifteen years climbing up the coaching ladder from school to school.
He only got the Washington State job because the school
was all woke and fired the previous coach during the
whole COVID thing a couple of years ago, and he
was sacrificed the old Washington State coach, so they hired
(09:54):
him as the interim coach, Jake Dickard, and then he
just kept a job. But he spent fifteen years climbing
the ladder. He gets a medium sized gig and a
power conference and then presto, sim salamim, don't blanko, you'll
miss it. College Football's Congress right now, the Congress of
College Football is holding a once in a century redistricting
(10:16):
and they are going conference by conference, they're redrawing the districts,
and it's gonna change everything. Is it gonna change it
for the better?
Speaker 3 (10:25):
No?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Probably not. And he talked about TV money. He can
say that because Washington State, they know their seat at
the table is the kiddie table. That's the deal. The
Wazoo football program is gonna be left holding the bag.
Wall Street analysts are coming in now and they are
on the cusp of downgrading the cougars. The cougars are
(10:47):
not coming. The cougars are not coming. They're not from
a fortune five hundred hundred company to a penny stock. Yeah,
from a fortune five hundred company to a PENNISTI that is.
It's a bitter pill to swallow. It is. And the
rivalries are collateral damage and relatively short road trips, you know,
(11:10):
not that great. If you're Washington you're the Huskies. And
let's say for some reason, Rutgers actually got a good
football team and there's a big game. It would take
you three or four days, but you could drive from
Seattle to New Jersey. It take you a while. I
could do it. You know, good luck. Hopefully the weather's
(11:32):
not too bad on the trip and all that. You
gotta circumvent the weather, so we pivot away. I want
to go away from college football for a second and
baseball the fallout from the trade deadline. Couple of thoughts
on this. First of all, we have been validated. I
mentioned in a previous episode of the show The Noise
(11:52):
that I was hearing from what happened between Eduardo Rodriguez
and the Tigers and the Dodgers at the trade deadline.
We discussed it a little bit. I had heard that
he was totally cool with playing in Los Angeles, but
he tried to shake down the Dodgers. He wanted a
new contract. Some new details have come out. It wasn't
(12:12):
a total redo of the contract. He just wanted the
Dodgers to pay him a small relocation fee of twenty
million dollars. And when the Dodgers they barked and they
said no, no, I'm not We're not doing that. He said, Oh,
my family loves Detroit. I don't want to leave Detroit,
(12:33):
and all these low information fans bought the bull crap.
Just put the Dunce cap on right now. If you're
want of these idiots that bought that. He's a total fraud.
This guy's a fraud. He's a total fraud right now.
As far as the other baseball store in Boston, this
post trade deadline stuff's kind of fun because there's all
(12:56):
kinds of stuff flying around. The Red Sox people are upset.
The Red Sox already contend, but they're not a traditional
Red Sox team that would go for it.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Now.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
There was one report that said the Red Sox were
about to trade Justin Turner, the ex Dodger, to the Marlins,
and then another report, a separate report said, well, wait
a minute, no, the Finway fanatics tried to get Justin
Verlander from the Mets. So question, does the Justin Verlander
(13:24):
part of this make sense? Does that make any sense?
The speculation about Verlander with Boston so I am shaking
my head. No, No, the Red Sox. Here's my theory.
They slipped that story to pacify the angry factions of
(13:45):
customers that are broken up with the apathy that the
franchise is. I don't buy that. Heim Bloom the GM
there in Boston, this guy has a reputation, he's done
this since he's been there. That he has been guilty
of temporary paralysis, paralysis by analysis. It comes and goes
(14:06):
right around the trade deadline. He's risk averse. He's one
of these gms that is paranoid about giving away a
diamond in the rough, you know, the minor leagues, and
having that come back to bite you. And so instead
he just twiddles his thumbs. He just twiddles his thumbs
overthinking Verlander is a big ticket item. He's an older
(14:27):
player making a lot of money. Now, he's pitched better lately,
and we'll see how he does in Houston. But it
is not part of the DNA of the current Red
Sox management sitting on this side of the microphone to
go that direction. And they have a roster, even though
they've played pretty well this year considering what the expectations were,
they have a hodgepodge of stopgap, spare part players mixed
(14:52):
with a couple of younger players who they think are
going to be good for a long time. So I
don't buy that story. That looks like a classic plant
get out the fertilizer and plant plant the story. It
is the Ben Mallard Show. As we continue on, we'll
take your calls. I promise. We've been bad about that.
Very verbose. Here, we'll try to have some brevity and
(15:15):
get through the calls. Eight seven, seven ninety nine on
Fox Time. Now for the Mallor Riddle of the day.
And here's the Mallar riddle of the day. Green Bay
booted a man out of practice this week after he
was caught red handed using blank. Green Bay kicked a
(15:38):
man out of practice this week after he was caught
red handed using blank. That is the Mallor riddle of
the day. The answer, We'll get to it. We will
do it next.
Speaker 4 (15:50):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Join the curious world of the Ben Mallor Show online.
It is pain free and easy to do. Just follow
your host on Twitter. He's at Ben Maller and you
can twit at and follow tonight's technical producer. He's not perfect,
but he is Perfet. That's Chris Perfet and he's on
Twitter at Chris Prefet. Per f e t T always
(16:21):
a good time when jumper cables are involved, and I'll
live the tyrack dot com Fox Sports Radio Studios. It's
Ben Maller.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Later this hour the Lizzo Radio roast Big Ben's lame
jokes a week that'll be coming away later in the hour.
We'd like to alert everyone down the line that will
be happening. We look forward to that. But time for
the mallor riddle of the day. And here is the
mallor riddle of the day. Green Bay booted a man
out of practice after he was caught red handed using
(16:51):
blank The saw man says he was caught red handed
using MySpace. Fer Kat says he ate a Snickers with
a knife and fork. Shout out Seinfeld, thank you. Who
else do we have? The Wizzinator? He used the wrong
gender Wizinator. Justin in the Enchanted for says weird times
(17:12):
ranched dressing on his pizza from Robin, Minnesota. That's a
proper answer, Rob, It's a good job by you. Who
else do we have? Page down Aaron Rodgers brand smelling
salts kwy jelly guessed by Kyle and Jared, both those
guys thinking of ky Jelly. Who else do we have?
(17:33):
Andy the comic book guy says, using fan duel to
bet Poppy's picks. That should be a fireable defense. Kyle says,
using cheese kurds is the answer. Who else do you have?
Page down? Page down typewriter using a typewriter from Calligan
Tim in Michigan. Mallard prop guy says, lines of performance
(17:57):
enhancing cheese whiz, Eddie, do you have an answer to
the Mallard riddle of the day? No, okay, thanks for playing, Eddie.
Green Bay boot a man out of practice after he
was caught red handed using a fake credential. The guy
was an impostor. He claimed to be a Green Bay
(18:19):
Packers video intern. The guy was apparently decked out from
what we're being told, with all kinds of packer a
merchandise on. He looked somewhat professional. He had a camera
and a packer's polo on, so we kind of looked
like he belonged there until the packers vice president of
communications realized the guy's a fraud and they got rid
(18:43):
of him. The guys a fraud they had to get
rid of. Let's go the phones. Andre in the Commonwealth. Hello, Andre, Welcome.
Speaker 5 (18:51):
Hello Ben, Thank you for taking the call.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
Listen.
Speaker 5 (18:56):
We started the show talking about the New York Jet
Tropolitans and one mister Zach Wilson's what do you have
a fifty yard throw there? That went off.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Seven yards, the greatest throw in Hall of Fame game history.
Speaker 5 (19:12):
It did seem that there was greatness attached to it.
But Ben, you noted that the NFL is a television show,
and so they have to watch. It has to be vanilla,
you know, two screws of ice cream. We're not gonna
have any Sherbert. We're not gonna have any Rocky Road.
It's gonna be you know, vanilla chocolate and maybe some strawberry.
Speaker 4 (19:31):
You know.
Speaker 5 (19:31):
So that's why the issues with the person that you
called it creepy quarterback. I know, I call him Deshaun Watson,
not to justify what he did, you know, because he
was wrong, Okay, but there is a difference. You know.
We're not gonna dig that up because DeShawn so much
like much like.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
The Astros, Deshaun Watson was not punished. So, just like
the Astros, he got away with it, and then he
laughed all the way to the bank.
Speaker 5 (19:55):
I don't think again, Ben, we talked about the difference
between a criminal and the civil suits. DeShawn Rocks watch
and was wrong. But his his penalty was based on
the preponderance of evidence that was brought to bear against
him if there was a criminal suit.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
But we by the way, Deshaun, actually he got carpal
tunnel syndrome. A lot of people didn't report this. From
writing all those checks to the different women he paid
off to pay for their silence numbers, his hands started hurting.
Speaker 5 (20:19):
He got really so many. But Ben, what we what
we need to add to your your take about the
NFL being a television show is the Jets. They're primed
for a resurgent year. What do we got this first week?
The bill's prime time? Okay, box office, Cowboys, Patriots, Chiefs, Broncos, Eagles, Giants.
Is anybody gonna watch any other team the first six
(20:40):
or seven games of the I'm gonna go.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Yes, I'm gonna go. Yes, I'm gonna go. They will
watch other teams. Calm down. I know you like the Jets.
I know. Take a deep breath. It's gonna be okay.
Speaker 5 (20:53):
I'm breathing here, Ben again, I'm from the great state
of New Jersey. But the point is, with the most
popular television show in the United States, which Roger Goodell,
you know, says he's gonna charte a course to a
twenty five billion dollar valuation, and the NFL is well
on its way. It does my heart good Ben to
see the New York jetropolitans at the top of that hierarchy.
(21:14):
You want to talk about feasts and famine, you know
in one foul swoop. Now, Robert sala he has to
he has to get his act together and really take
hold of this. He's gonna have to go from a
one to a two to a three or four star
general in order to strike lightning in a bottle. But
I just you know, it's a television show. As you
said in the opening segment, Ben, and the Jets, there's
not gonna be a more popular team. This is this
(21:35):
is our shining their hour. I'm going back to my
New Jersey Russ our shining moments to to really make it,
to kind of jump start and put the franchise on
a different standing, and I'm hoping they're able to captivate
it because we know the NFL stands for not for
long a right and these opportunities. This is why mister
Sean Payton he talked about he's put in the car
before the horse, you know, and this momentum that he
(21:57):
has early in his tenure, Ben if he if you
know whom we want, shame on you, Sean Payton, you
better stop talking and get the Denver Brock.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
You have now hit. You have just hit every major
cliche in the span of about thirty seconds. So I
don't think we've met our quota. I think of cliches.
Speaker 5 (22:12):
Okay, I'm done with the cliches for now. I'm happy
and excited for the Jets. But it's a short window,
so they got it.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Are you saying you don't sound like you're happy and
excited for the Jets. You sound pretty level headed.
Speaker 5 (22:23):
Hey, I'm levelheaded because you look at this first seven games.
What do we got here, Bill's cowboy? Can we get
a break the first seven games?
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Oh? Here's the problem. Here's the problem. Okay, if you
don't do well in the first seven games, you know,
they have this thing called flex scheduling, and the Jets
some of those primetime games will disappear later in the season.
But I got I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
I have a great week. We'll talk next week. Thank you,
Your buddy, Anthony i'ms a big fan of your work. There,
he wrote in Big Big Fan, Big Big Fan.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Hi, this is Jay Glaser.
Speaker 6 (22:57):
And you may know me for the world of football,
or fighting or even shows like HBO's Bawlers. Well you
don't know is for my entire life. I have lived
in something I refer to as the gray depression anxiety.
So now I'm coming out with a new podcast, Unbreakable,
a mental health podcast with Jay Glazer, where each week,
while we talk about mental health, I hope to describe it,
(23:19):
give it words. Listen to Unbreakable with Jay Glazer on
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Ben, do you recall former NBA player Terrence Williams. It's
kind of a generic name. He's a first round pick
of the Nets played for the Kings, Rockets Celtics. He
has been sentenced to ten years in prison for defrauding
the NBA Health and the Welfare Benefit Plan out of
(23:48):
more than five million dollars. He has been in jail
in Brooklyn since the spring of twenty to twenty two
for threatening witnesses, which is probably not a good idea.
So yeah, former NABA players, Terrence Williams.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
The ring master, the ring master they claim of the operation,
so he'll be on vacation, gets a ten year vacation.
Although is that a federal charge or is that a
that's probably a federal charge, so he's gonna have to
serve eighty five percent of that. It is the Benett
Malor Show. As we continue on in this portion of
(24:22):
the show, brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Progressive makes
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Let's strike up the band right now. We'll open up
the comedy club.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
Here we go, knock knock, who's there. Blame week? Blame
week too. It's Big Ben's lame joke.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Of the week.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
And away we go Big Ben's lame Jokes of the week.
These are actual jokes sent in by actual listener listeners
to show the laughter is already starting here on lame jokes.
And we have our friend from Miami. He only appears
on the show once a week. He used to call
every night. Every night this guy would call. His real
name is Billy, but he goes by the name weed
(25:09):
Man on the show because there was another guy named
Billy Blanks. I don't know what happened to that guy.
But we have our man, weed Man. Hippie. Hello, weed Man, Hey, Ben,
Say hello Lisa, Hi, Lisa. Oh she's there.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
She is.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
All right, man, And you've not done very well for
Lisa's sleep pattern. There, weed Man, she's on the phone
with you all night. Man. When does she sleeps? Okay?
Speaker 2 (25:43):
All right? You just to talk to you.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Oh, thank you. It's very kind of you. That's friendship,
weed Man. That is friendship. So these are actual jokes
from actual listeners. If you'd like to send a joke
in in a future episode of the show, you can
send them in care of Ben Malers Show at gmail
dot com that it's Ben Malers Show at gmail dot
com and we may we may read your joke on
the no guarantee. Just make sure you put jokes in
(26:08):
the headlines and we know we made it. There you go,
all right, and here we go. What are this is
the Lizzo Radio roast. We're starting with the Lizzo radio
rows as she is in danger of being canceled. What
are Lizzo's on stage dancers a signature move?
Speaker 2 (26:27):
I don't know what are their signature moves?
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Called the banana flips is what they're called. They called
it the banana in Roseville, Minnesota. Well, the fashion community
is speaking up against Lizzo, Eddie, you hear about that?
Speaker 2 (26:41):
I no, I didn't.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
Yeah, they're talking about her ability to put together a
lawsuit is amazing.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
They don't.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
I don't think at George and Rochester, Minnesota. Did Lizzo's
actually joined the army because of all this? Yeah, it shocking.
She's specializing in head the artillery. That's her specialty. That's
Justin in d C. Why did Lizzo get kicked out
of Yellowstone National Park?
Speaker 2 (27:10):
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Well, why did the park ranger got upset? Because she
was using that that guys are old faithful as a
bidet and that that's not allowed it You thought it
was going away that surfer Todd the Comedian said that one.
And by the way, Justin and d C is now
known as Justin the DC Comedian. That's what he's known
(27:35):
as now he's jealous of the attention surfer. Todd the
comedian is getting Why are the Lizzo jokes so funny
this weekend?
Speaker 2 (27:44):
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
It's low hanging fruit, Eddie. That's why it's low hanging
for very low. That's Chip Chip in Maine sent that
one in. What is the opening group when Lizzo goes
on tour?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
I don't know it's the opening group.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
They're called Banana Rama is what they're called. That's some
Eke in Roseville, Minnesota. What is Lizzo's pet name for
her on stage dancers.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
I don't know what's her pet name for the dancers.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
For some reason, she calls the ladies the chaquita's. I
don't know whyety I have no from Eke in Roseville, Minnesota.
What's Lizzo's favorite song?
Speaker 2 (28:32):
I don't know what's your favorite song?
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Yes, we have some bananas, that's her favorite song. That's
Gordon in Takoba. You got any jokes over there in
the Lizzo Radio rose Steady jokes over there, Kobaloo, I
do not have any choke, okay A. Lizzo surprisingly picked
up a brand ambassador shift in the middle of this
really troubling scandal.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Is that right?
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Yes, she has been named the new spokesperson for the
Savannah Banana So I don't know how she got that,
No idea. That's from Mike in Georgia who sent this.
This next one's from Dave in Delaware. He says Lizzo
was asked why she liked her dancers to have bananas.
Do you hear what she said? No, she said she
(29:16):
found them more appealing that way. How many versions of
a banana joke can we do? I still can't get
over the fact, Eddie, that Lizzo actually fat. Sheames someone else.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
In amazing that is surprising us.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Yeah, that's like a whale calling the walrus wett, Who
does that? Come on, that's a Kurt from Earth. Thank
you for that, pity laugh weed, man, I believe I
thank you for that. Kurt from Earth also sent this
one in. Apparently even John Gruden has filed a lawsuit
against Lizzo.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Really, that's surprising.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Yeah, apparently she learned of the Spider two wide banana
play and she's been running that with the dancers. So
that's Kurt from Earth who sent that. When I saw
Thanks for the laughing. I saw Lizzo near my car
the other day.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Oh yeah, what was she doing?
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Well, it's a good thing I didn't fall for the
banana in the tailpipe, Eddie. That would have been bad.
I didn't fall for it, though. I think she likes
the banana in the front pipe. I don't know any
are that's a kurt from her? Who set that one in?
Did you see that story, weed Man? The Lizzo's lawsuit?
You read that? No, no idea what we're talking about?
(30:32):
Oh my god? All right, where did Lizzo first fall
in love with bananas?
Speaker 2 (30:39):
I don't know where.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
That would be Sunday school, Eddie. Yeah, ice banana splits, Eddie.
They make the banana splits, Eddie, the Sunday the banana.
Speaker 6 (30:51):
I'll tell you about the story during the break weed Man.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Yeah, then he'll be laughing his ass off. Well, Lizzo
I had to get in the oil business, but unfortunately
she was unable to.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Make a lot of money.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Well, she focused on banana oil, that's all she was.
That one was from Mike. This one's from Fred in Vegas.
Why does Lizzo put sunscreen on her bananas?
Speaker 2 (31:19):
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Well, she doesn't want them to peel, Eddie. She's worried
they'll peel if they get You know, well, with Lizzo
part of the supposedly phenomenal Barbie soundtrack. You know what
Lizzo and Barbie have in common?
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Uh no, what do they have in common?
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Absolutely positivity, positivity, nothing, nothing, Eddie, they have nothing. In Boston.
Set that one in. Why does Lizzo put sunscreen? I
already did that one. I'll do one more and we'll
close the Lizzo radio roles. Did you hear that Lizzo
has canceled her fancy European tour dates.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
I did not hear that.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Yes, she told her manager she is now only going
to perform in Banana republics. That's it, Eddie, she will
only go to Banana republics. That's what Gordon and Tacoma.
So we had other jokes. We can't do all this,
but thank you, and we will have the rest. We're
gonna have the weed Man, a couple of weed man jokes.
We've got many more jokes. It's Big Ben's Lame Jokes
(32:24):
of the Week. We do it every Friday. If you
like it, if you don't like it. We only do
it once a week, so who the hell cares? But
lame jokes of the week rolls on. We'll get to
it and we will do it next.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in
the nation. Catch all of our shows at Foxsports Radio
dot com and within the iHeartRadio app search FSR to
listen live.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Calling all Malan Militia foot soldiers. We need your helping
hand to gain new recruits By posting and tagging Mallard
Show related content on Twitter, Instagram, at Facebook, you are
the special ingredient needed to influence others to join our
mysterious nocturnable two noticed the Ben Mallor Show and I'll
live from the tyrack dot com Fox Sports Radio Studios.
It's Ben Mallor.
Speaker 4 (33:08):
Knock knock? Who's there? Blame Weed? Blame we who? It's
Big Ben's lame joke of the week.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Lame jokes of the week. It continues on. We think
all of our unpaid, underappreciated joke writers that have taken
time out to write the show, and we thank them
for their many Lizzo jokes. Weed man, did you hang up?
Are you still there?
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Weed Man?
Speaker 1 (33:30):
I'm here all right? There is weed Man Hippie in Miami.
Longtime show contributor. What was the major flaw with the
mice's planned to steal weed man hippies teeth?
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Attie? I don't know what was.
Speaker 4 (33:44):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
They've stolen them and they've never been found.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
No, No, the flaw was they thought they could get
him to pay the ransom. That's the that's the table. Okay,
that's a passionate belly laugh of weed Man. That's Chip
and Maine who sent that one. And and if you
give weed Man a fish, if you give weed Man
a fish, you'll feed him for a day at right,
(34:09):
if you give weed Man a poison fish, you'll feed
him for life. Justin, Justin in d C set that
one in. How was Lisa able to break all of
weed Man's teeth when she threw a glass at him?
Speaker 2 (34:25):
I don't know how was she able to do that?
Speaker 1 (34:27):
Turns out weed Man's teeth were in the glass. They
were in the glass. Circle Todd the comedian, I know
she's sleeping. What's weed Man's what's weed Man asking for
for his next birthday? Glowing the dark tothbody?
Speaker 2 (34:47):
You want?
Speaker 1 (34:48):
What's that?
Speaker 2 (34:49):
We Man?
Speaker 1 (34:50):
My birthday was last week last No, no way, happy birthday?
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Look at that.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
I meant to say it last week on the radio
with happy birthday? How old are you twenty seven? You're
still twenty seven? No way, are you a way old? Poor?
How old do you feel?
Speaker 2 (35:16):
I can't tell you.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
It's to medicand just like you planned out life, it's
going as planned when you were younger. Right, any jokes
over there.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Cooperloo, Yeah, I gotta come with he.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Okay, Coop's got some offensive jokes.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
How do you pay your respects to pbe Herman's at
pe Wee Herman's funeral?
Speaker 1 (35:36):
I don't know. You shall show.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Yes, yes, what.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
A way to find out? Okay, But the proper way
to pay your respects is to show up naked. I
think we should appa to Kurt from Earth because he
got just bowguarded by weed Man. Just reaction, It just
spoiled that joke. Man Man alive?
Speaker 2 (36:10):
All right?
Speaker 1 (36:11):
How is weed Man getting ready for football season?
Speaker 2 (36:15):
I don't know how's he getting ready?
Speaker 1 (36:17):
He's already sleeping in the parking lot at the Dolphin
Stadium getting ready to panhandle. So he's ready to go
on that. What should everyone do to fight poverty?
Speaker 2 (36:28):
Eddie. I don't know what what should we do?
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Punch weed Man? Just punch weed man. That's all you have.
That's Eric in Kansas. All right, calm down. At least
you're not giving out your Gmail anymore. You've stopped doing
that or whatever.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
Your PayPal?
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Can you say, pah, yeah, do you actually check that email?
You're locked out of Twitter. You're locked out of everything.
You forgot your password to all these things I still have.
All right, why don't you Why don't you reset your
your Twitter password?
Speaker 4 (37:00):
I don't know what happened.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Well, it's no longer it's called X now all right.
How can the Malard militia help weed Man get off
the streets?
Speaker 2 (37:08):
I don't know how. How can they help them?
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Well, they can just pick him up and put him
on the sidewalk. That's what they could do. They could
do that. That's justin Justin and DC sent that one
in DC Comedian justin any other jokes? Cool? Nah, okay?
Women call weed Man ugly until they find out how
much he's worth Eddie, Oh is that right? Then they
call him ugly and poor? That's what they call him.
(37:32):
Justin the DC Comedian. Here's some other jokes. Why can't
angry Bill donate to the spur Bank?
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Oh God, I don't know. Why. Why can't he not
do that?
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Low income Eddie, low income? That's is justin in DC.
Do you know Andre has a lazy eye?
Speaker 2 (37:52):
I did not know that.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Yeah, he can't control his pupils. He can't control the pupil.
That's justin in d C. Thank you all up for
the lame jokes. Next week, man, get out of here,
go away, all right,
Hello and welcome. It's our numb berth three and we
had to South Bend, Indiana the College Gridiron did Notre
Dame make the right choice to stay an independent. The
Big Ten put out some feelers just in case you
can get out of that acc contract. Would you be interested? Also,
(00:24):
what is your takeaway from what the Washington State football
coach had to say? He went on a rant about
the TV money destroying college football, And we'll go to
baseball as well. At Duardo Rodriguez of the Tigers exposed
as a phony, And does the Justin Verlander connection to
(00:44):
Boston prior to the trade deadline make sense? What's behind that?
Will go there as well? So I'll come in your
way here it is our number three touchdown. Jesus is
not budging, not budging. Welcome and the beginning of another
hour of the Ben Malors Show. We are in the
(01:06):
end everywhere, holding a conclave as we give you a
sporty oasis in the desert coast to coast, border the
order and beyond on the vast and immensely powerful microphones
of fs are amminating live from the trickle as we
(01:29):
trickle the ear hanging out with you here trickle in
the ear. We are broadcasting live from the tiraq dot
com studios tyract dot com. We'll help you get there
and unmatched selection, fast, free shipping, free road hazard protection
and over ten thousand recommend an installers. Tyract dot com
(01:50):
the Way Tire Buying showbe are lead this hour, coming
from the wacky world of realignment, the reorganization and if
you will, I love this story. It is the chaos
theory of the universe is in play here man Alive.
What a wacky, wacky story it is. It really is
(02:13):
chaos for college football and man Alive. A bunch of
random events all lined up there and nobody knows anything,
and everyone thinks they know, but they don't know. The vultures.
If you've not been paying attention, the vultures from the
Big ten and the Big twelve are now circling the
rotting carcass of the ones powerful pac twelve, and they're
(02:36):
looking to pick away at what's left of that once
regaled conference out on the Western front. Now, Oregon and
Washington are contemplating whether or not they want to listen
to all the sweet talk and join USC and UCLA
as the Western front of the Big Ten, which will
(02:57):
should this happen, span from the west coast to the
east coast, with schools in New Jersey Piscataway, New Jersey.
There Rutgers and Maryland part of the Big Ten, so
they're all in on this. The Big Ten wants to
be the national brand Coast to coast, sea to Shining Sea,
but Oregon and Washington haven't given the green light on
(03:19):
that yet. And this regrouping of the Power five has
also knocked on Notre Dame's hallowed doors. So we have
heard now if you have not followed this, but perhaps not.
We we learned that despite having a tentative a long
term agreement through twenty thirty six with the ACC and
(03:43):
all of the bells and whistles that that has, it
has not stopped back channel conversations FM taking place and
being wooed with the fighting Irisher being wooed. But they
have at this point stated they are committed to remaining
an independent. Notre Dame has been an independent since the inception,
(04:08):
with the exception of the COVID year where they had
to join the ACC, but nobody took that year very seriously.
But they will remain an independent at least if you
believe the reporting. So let us discuss did Notre Dame
make the right decision what appears to be their decision
to stay an independent So I am nodding my head. Yes,
(04:29):
I've got Game of Thrones, Wall Street analysts and paralysis,
and we will connect all of these random things together
and we are going to make a banana cream pie,
the great pie at the very top of the big
board of pies, the banana cream pie. So first thought
(04:52):
I have. My first thought I have on this is
this is a no brainer. The fighting Irish are living
already in the penthouse. When you're living in the penthouse,
you don't need to go down a couple of floors.
You're already in the penthouse. They don't need the Big Ten.
They don't need what the Big ten has to offer.
The Big ten needs them Notre Dame, even though they
(05:15):
haven't run one Diddley squat in a long time, Notre
Dame is the biggest damn brand in all the land.
They have a captive audience. We all know what the
captive audience is. There are roughly sixty two million practicing
Catholics in the United States. Not all of them are
Notre Dame fans, but enough of them are where it
(05:35):
works right. Eighteen point seven percent of the US population
practicing Catholics, so fair percentage of those people support Notre Dame.
I was a kid growing up in southern California and
one of my buddies loved Notre Dame. And I said,
why do you like Notre Dame? Did You're from California?
Speaker 2 (05:53):
What's up with that?
Speaker 1 (05:54):
He's, oh, yeah, I'm Catholics. I guess his family was
all Notre Dame fans, but Irish fans. It's baked in.
It's baked in more importantly though, when you look out
on the horizon, this is a Game of Thrones situation.
A lion does not concern himself with the opinions of
(06:16):
sheep and the big ten. When you're noted Dom, the
big ten are sheep plus the fighting Irish shift Hit
the Daily Double Daly Dabo Daily dabbles. They have a
deal for secondary sports, the non football sports in the ACC,
so they get all the benefits of being in the
(06:37):
basketball and the other sports in the Atlantic Coast Conference.
They cash in. The football program gets their own lucrative
television deal with NBC. They have a marketing deal that
is separate, so they keep one hundred percent of the
proceeds one percent. They don't have to share. They don't
have to pool their money with anyone else. They have
a license to a printing press, not counterfeit money. No, no, no,
(07:03):
So why would they share the sugar with the peons?
The answers they would now continuing that train of thought,
but going from South Bend to the police Pullman, Washington.
We don't often talk about Washington State football. Why would we?
But the PAC twelve is facing their last supper as
(07:24):
they are about to blow up here in a cautionary tale,
the Washington State football coach named Jake Dickert is his
name and coaching football his game. So he got on
his soapbox this week, the Washington State coach ranting over
(07:44):
the current state of the PAC twelve with more schools
rumored to be departing the conference, that he is a
part of the PAC twelve about to go up and smoke.
And he got up there, right up there and was
ranting and raven from the top of the soapbox. Let's
go to the auto tip take a list.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
It's one of those things, you know, guys, we got
to control a wee can control.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
You know.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
It's amazing to me, you know how. You know, the
old question on how long would it take TV money
to destroy college football? Maybe we're here, you know, maybe
we're here. You know, to think even remotely five years
ago the PAC twelve would be in this position, it's
unthinkable to think that we're here today and to think
that local rivalries are at risk and fans driving four
(08:34):
hours to watch their team play in a road game
and rivalries is at risk, to me is unbelievable. Okay,
and I know our place at the table. But at
the end of the day, Pack twelve football and PAC
twelve brand, Man, if we stay together, is really strong
and we'll have a strong future. I firmly believe in that,
you know. So it's important, you know, that we stay
(08:54):
focused here in the now in maximizing what we can.
But at the end of the day, I just think
it's we'll look back in college football in twenty years
and be like, what are we doing?
Speaker 2 (09:04):
What are we doing?
Speaker 3 (09:05):
You know, Let's let our guys stay regional, let's play,
let's preserve the PAC twelve and what it is.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
All right, So that's the head coach there. I think
I called him by the run and Jake. His name
is da If you meet him, call him Jake. Jake
Dickard is the guy's name that you're a very passionate
speech from the Washington State coach there, saying that TV
money destroying college football. So what is your takeaway from
what you just heard? So this was a little bit
of mel Gibson passion of the christ right. You could
(09:32):
hear the agony in Jake Dickard's voice that he spent
fifteen years climbing up the coaching ladder from school to school.
He only got the Washington State job because the school
was all woke and fired the previous coach during the
whole COVID thing a couple of years ago, and he
was sacrificed the old Washington State coach, so they hired
(09:54):
him as the interim coach, Jake Dickard, and then he
just kept a job. But he spent fifteen years climbing
the ladder. He gets a medium sized gig and a
power conference and then presto, sim salamim, don't blanko, you'll
miss it. College Football's Congress right now, the Congress of
College Football is holding a once in a century redistricting
(10:16):
and they are going conference by conference, they're redrawing the districts,
and it's gonna change everything. Is it gonna change it
for the better?
Speaker 3 (10:25):
No?
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Probably not. And he talked about TV money. He can
say that because Washington State, they know their seat at
the table is the kiddie table. That's the deal. The
Wazoo football program is gonna be left holding the bag.
Wall Street analysts are coming in now and they are
on the cusp of downgrading the cougars. The cougars are
(10:47):
not coming. The cougars are not coming. They're not from
a fortune five hundred hundred company to a penny stock. Yeah,
from a fortune five hundred company to a PENNISTI that is.
It's a bitter pill to swallow. It is. And the
rivalries are collateral damage and relatively short road trips, you know,
(11:10):
not that great. If you're Washington you're the Huskies. And
let's say for some reason, Rutgers actually got a good
football team and there's a big game. It would take
you three or four days, but you could drive from
Seattle to New Jersey. It take you a while. I
could do it. You know, good luck. Hopefully the weather's
(11:32):
not too bad on the trip and all that. You
gotta circumvent the weather, so we pivot away. I want
to go away from college football for a second and
baseball the fallout from the trade deadline. Couple of thoughts
on this. First of all, we have been validated. I
mentioned in a previous episode of the show The Noise
(11:52):
that I was hearing from what happened between Eduardo Rodriguez
and the Tigers and the Dodgers at the trade deadline.
We discussed it a little bit. I had heard that
he was totally cool with playing in Los Angeles, but
he tried to shake down the Dodgers. He wanted a
new contract. Some new details have come out. It wasn't
(12:12):
a total redo of the contract. He just wanted the
Dodgers to pay him a small relocation fee of twenty
million dollars. And when the Dodgers they barked and they
said no, no, I'm not We're not doing that. He said, Oh,
my family loves Detroit. I don't want to leave Detroit,
(12:33):
and all these low information fans bought the bull crap.
Just put the Dunce cap on right now. If you're
want of these idiots that bought that. He's a total fraud.
This guy's a fraud. He's a total fraud right now.
As far as the other baseball store in Boston, this
post trade deadline stuff's kind of fun because there's all
(12:56):
kinds of stuff flying around. The Red Sox people are upset.
The Red Sox already contend, but they're not a traditional
Red Sox team that would go for it.
Speaker 2 (13:04):
Now.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
There was one report that said the Red Sox were
about to trade Justin Turner, the ex Dodger, to the Marlins,
and then another report, a separate report said, well, wait
a minute, no, the Finway fanatics tried to get Justin
Verlander from the Mets. So question, does the Justin Verlander
(13:24):
part of this make sense? Does that make any sense?
The speculation about Verlander with Boston so I am shaking
my head. No, No, the Red Sox. Here's my theory.
They slipped that story to pacify the angry factions of
(13:45):
customers that are broken up with the apathy that the
franchise is. I don't buy that. Heim Bloom the GM
there in Boston, this guy has a reputation, he's done
this since he's been there. That he has been guilty
of temporary paralysis, paralysis by analysis. It comes and goes
(14:06):
right around the trade deadline. He's risk averse. He's one
of these gms that is paranoid about giving away a
diamond in the rough, you know, the minor leagues, and
having that come back to bite you. And so instead
he just twiddles his thumbs. He just twiddles his thumbs
overthinking Verlander is a big ticket item. He's an older
(14:27):
player making a lot of money. Now, he's pitched better lately,
and we'll see how he does in Houston. But it
is not part of the DNA of the current Red
Sox management sitting on this side of the microphone to
go that direction. And they have a roster, even though
they've played pretty well this year considering what the expectations were,
they have a hodgepodge of stopgap, spare part players mixed
(14:52):
with a couple of younger players who they think are
going to be good for a long time. So I
don't buy that story. That looks like a classic plant
get out the fertilizer and plant plant the story. It
is the Ben Mallard Show. As we continue on, we'll
take your calls. I promise. We've been bad about that.
Very verbose. Here, we'll try to have some brevity and
(15:15):
get through the calls. Eight seven, seven ninety nine on
Fox Time. Now for the Mallor Riddle of the day.
And here's the Mallar riddle of the day. Green Bay
booted a man out of practice this week after he
was caught red handed using blank. Green Bay kicked a
(15:38):
man out of practice this week after he was caught
red handed using blank. That is the Mallor riddle of
the day. The answer, We'll get to it. We will
do it next.
Speaker 4 (15:50):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Join the curious world of the Ben Mallor Show online.
It is pain free and easy to do. Just follow
your host on Twitter. He's at Ben Maller and you
can twit at and follow tonight's technical producer. He's not perfect,
but he is Perfet. That's Chris Perfet and he's on
Twitter at Chris Prefet. Per f e t T always
(16:21):
a good time when jumper cables are involved, and I'll
live the tyrack dot com Fox Sports Radio Studios. It's
Ben Maller.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Later this hour the Lizzo Radio roast Big Ben's lame
jokes a week that'll be coming away later in the hour.
We'd like to alert everyone down the line that will
be happening. We look forward to that. But time for
the mallor riddle of the day. And here is the
mallor riddle of the day. Green Bay booted a man
out of practice after he was caught red handed using
(16:51):
blank The saw man says he was caught red handed
using MySpace. Fer Kat says he ate a Snickers with
a knife and fork. Shout out Seinfeld, thank you. Who
else do we have? The Wizzinator? He used the wrong
gender Wizinator. Justin in the Enchanted for says weird times
(17:12):
ranched dressing on his pizza from Robin, Minnesota. That's a
proper answer, Rob, It's a good job by you. Who
else do we have? Page down Aaron Rodgers brand smelling
salts kwy jelly guessed by Kyle and Jared, both those
guys thinking of ky Jelly. Who else do we have?
(17:33):
Andy the comic book guy says, using fan duel to
bet Poppy's picks. That should be a fireable defense. Kyle says,
using cheese kurds is the answer. Who else do you have?
Page down? Page down typewriter using a typewriter from Calligan
Tim in Michigan. Mallard prop guy says, lines of performance
(17:57):
enhancing cheese whiz, Eddie, do you have an answer to
the Mallard riddle of the day? No, okay, thanks for playing, Eddie.
Green Bay boot a man out of practice after he
was caught red handed using a fake credential. The guy
was an impostor. He claimed to be a Green Bay
(18:19):
Packers video intern. The guy was apparently decked out from
what we're being told, with all kinds of packer a
merchandise on. He looked somewhat professional. He had a camera
and a packer's polo on, so we kind of looked
like he belonged there until the packers vice president of
communications realized the guy's a fraud and they got rid
(18:43):
of him. The guys a fraud they had to get
rid of. Let's go the phones. Andre in the Commonwealth. Hello, Andre, Welcome.
Speaker 5 (18:51):
Hello Ben, Thank you for taking the call.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
Listen.
Speaker 5 (18:56):
We started the show talking about the New York Jet
Tropolitans and one mister Zach Wilson's what do you have
a fifty yard throw there? That went off.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Seven yards, the greatest throw in Hall of Fame game history.
Speaker 5 (19:12):
It did seem that there was greatness attached to it.
But Ben, you noted that the NFL is a television show,
and so they have to watch. It has to be vanilla,
you know, two screws of ice cream. We're not gonna
have any Sherbert. We're not gonna have any Rocky Road.
It's gonna be you know, vanilla chocolate and maybe some strawberry.
Speaker 4 (19:31):
You know.
Speaker 5 (19:31):
So that's why the issues with the person that you
called it creepy quarterback. I know, I call him Deshaun Watson,
not to justify what he did, you know, because he
was wrong, Okay, but there is a difference. You know.
We're not gonna dig that up because DeShawn so much
like much like.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
The Astros, Deshaun Watson was not punished. So, just like
the Astros, he got away with it, and then he
laughed all the way to the bank.
Speaker 5 (19:55):
I don't think again, Ben, we talked about the difference
between a criminal and the civil suits. DeShawn Rocks watch
and was wrong. But his his penalty was based on
the preponderance of evidence that was brought to bear against
him if there was a criminal suit.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
But we by the way, Deshaun, actually he got carpal
tunnel syndrome. A lot of people didn't report this. From
writing all those checks to the different women he paid
off to pay for their silence numbers, his hands started hurting.
Speaker 5 (20:19):
He got really so many. But Ben, what we what
we need to add to your your take about the
NFL being a television show is the Jets. They're primed
for a resurgent year. What do we got this first week?
The bill's prime time? Okay, box office, Cowboys, Patriots, Chiefs, Broncos, Eagles, Giants.
Is anybody gonna watch any other team the first six
(20:40):
or seven games of the I'm gonna go.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Yes, I'm gonna go. Yes, I'm gonna go. They will
watch other teams. Calm down. I know you like the Jets.
I know. Take a deep breath. It's gonna be okay.
Speaker 5 (20:53):
I'm breathing here, Ben again, I'm from the great state
of New Jersey. But the point is, with the most
popular television show in the United States, which Roger Goodell,
you know, says he's gonna charte a course to a
twenty five billion dollar valuation, and the NFL is well
on its way. It does my heart good Ben to
see the New York jetropolitans at the top of that hierarchy.
(21:14):
You want to talk about feasts and famine, you know
in one foul swoop. Now, Robert sala he has to
he has to get his act together and really take
hold of this. He's gonna have to go from a
one to a two to a three or four star
general in order to strike lightning in a bottle. But
I just you know, it's a television show. As you
said in the opening segment, Ben, and the Jets, there's
not gonna be a more popular team. This is this
(21:35):
is our shining their hour. I'm going back to my
New Jersey Russ our shining moments to to really make it,
to kind of jump start and put the franchise on
a different standing, and I'm hoping they're able to captivate
it because we know the NFL stands for not for
long a right and these opportunities. This is why mister
Sean Payton he talked about he's put in the car
before the horse, you know, and this momentum that he
(21:57):
has early in his tenure, Ben if he if you
know whom we want, shame on you, Sean Payton, you
better stop talking and get the Denver Brock.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
You have now hit. You have just hit every major
cliche in the span of about thirty seconds. So I
don't think we've met our quota. I think of cliches.
Speaker 5 (22:12):
Okay, I'm done with the cliches for now. I'm happy
and excited for the Jets. But it's a short window,
so they got it.
Speaker 1 (22:18):
Are you saying you don't sound like you're happy and
excited for the Jets. You sound pretty level headed.
Speaker 5 (22:23):
Hey, I'm levelheaded because you look at this first seven games.
What do we got here, Bill's cowboy? Can we get
a break the first seven games?
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Oh? Here's the problem. Here's the problem. Okay, if you
don't do well in the first seven games, you know,
they have this thing called flex scheduling, and the Jets
some of those primetime games will disappear later in the season.
But I got I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
I have a great week. We'll talk next week. Thank you,
Your buddy, Anthony i'ms a big fan of your work. There,
he wrote in Big Big Fan, Big Big Fan.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
Hi, this is Jay Glaser.
Speaker 6 (22:57):
And you may know me for the world of football,
or fighting or even shows like HBO's Bawlers. Well you
don't know is for my entire life. I have lived
in something I refer to as the gray depression anxiety.
So now I'm coming out with a new podcast, Unbreakable,
a mental health podcast with Jay Glazer, where each week,
while we talk about mental health, I hope to describe it,
(23:19):
give it words. Listen to Unbreakable with Jay Glazer on
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
Ben, do you recall former NBA player Terrence Williams. It's
kind of a generic name. He's a first round pick
of the Nets played for the Kings, Rockets Celtics. He
has been sentenced to ten years in prison for defrauding
the NBA Health and the Welfare Benefit Plan out of
(23:48):
more than five million dollars. He has been in jail
in Brooklyn since the spring of twenty to twenty two
for threatening witnesses, which is probably not a good idea.
So yeah, former NABA players, Terrence Williams.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
The ring master, the ring master they claim of the operation,
so he'll be on vacation, gets a ten year vacation.
Although is that a federal charge or is that a
that's probably a federal charge, so he's gonna have to
serve eighty five percent of that. It is the Benett
Malor Show. As we continue on in this portion of
(24:22):
the show, brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Progressive makes
bundley easy and affordable. Get a multi policy discount by
combining your motorcycle, RB, boat, ATV and more all your
protection in one place. Bundle and save at Progressive dot com.
Let's strike up the band right now. We'll open up
the comedy club.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
Here we go, knock knock, who's there. Blame week? Blame
week too. It's Big Ben's lame joke.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Of the week.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
And away we go Big Ben's lame Jokes of the week.
These are actual jokes sent in by actual listener listeners
to show the laughter is already starting here on lame jokes.
And we have our friend from Miami. He only appears
on the show once a week. He used to call
every night. Every night this guy would call. His real
name is Billy, but he goes by the name weed
(25:09):
Man on the show because there was another guy named
Billy Blanks. I don't know what happened to that guy.
But we have our man, weed Man. Hippie. Hello, weed Man, Hey, Ben,
Say hello Lisa, Hi, Lisa. Oh she's there.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
She is.
Speaker 1 (25:30):
All right, man, And you've not done very well for
Lisa's sleep pattern. There, weed Man, she's on the phone
with you all night. Man. When does she sleeps? Okay?
Speaker 2 (25:43):
All right? You just to talk to you.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Oh, thank you. It's very kind of you. That's friendship,
weed Man. That is friendship. So these are actual jokes
from actual listeners. If you'd like to send a joke
in in a future episode of the show, you can
send them in care of Ben Malers Show at gmail
dot com that it's Ben Malers Show at gmail dot
com and we may we may read your joke on
the no guarantee. Just make sure you put jokes in
(26:08):
the headlines and we know we made it. There you go,
all right, and here we go. What are this is
the Lizzo Radio roast. We're starting with the Lizzo radio
rows as she is in danger of being canceled. What
are Lizzo's on stage dancers a signature move?
Speaker 2 (26:27):
I don't know what are their signature moves?
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Called the banana flips is what they're called. They called
it the banana in Roseville, Minnesota. Well, the fashion community
is speaking up against Lizzo, Eddie, you hear about that?
Speaker 2 (26:41):
I no, I didn't.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
Yeah, they're talking about her ability to put together a
lawsuit is amazing.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
They don't.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
I don't think at George and Rochester, Minnesota. Did Lizzo's
actually joined the army because of all this? Yeah, it shocking.
She's specializing in head the artillery. That's her specialty. That's
Justin in d C. Why did Lizzo get kicked out
of Yellowstone National Park?
Speaker 2 (27:10):
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Well, why did the park ranger got upset? Because she
was using that that guys are old faithful as a
bidet and that that's not allowed it You thought it
was going away that surfer Todd the Comedian said that one.
And by the way, Justin and d C is now
known as Justin the DC Comedian. That's what he's known
(27:35):
as now he's jealous of the attention surfer. Todd the
comedian is getting Why are the Lizzo jokes so funny
this weekend?
Speaker 2 (27:44):
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (27:45):
It's low hanging fruit, Eddie. That's why it's low hanging
for very low. That's Chip Chip in Maine sent that
one in. What is the opening group when Lizzo goes
on tour?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
I don't know it's the opening group.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
They're called Banana Rama is what they're called. That's some
Eke in Roseville, Minnesota. What is Lizzo's pet name for
her on stage dancers.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
I don't know what's her pet name for the dancers.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
For some reason, she calls the ladies the chaquita's. I
don't know whyety I have no from Eke in Roseville, Minnesota.
What's Lizzo's favorite song?
Speaker 2 (28:32):
I don't know what's your favorite song?
Speaker 1 (28:33):
Yes, we have some bananas, that's her favorite song. That's
Gordon in Takoba. You got any jokes over there in
the Lizzo Radio rose Steady jokes over there, Kobaloo, I
do not have any choke, okay A. Lizzo surprisingly picked
up a brand ambassador shift in the middle of this
really troubling scandal.
Speaker 2 (28:55):
Is that right?
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Yes, she has been named the new spokesperson for the
Savannah Banana So I don't know how she got that,
No idea. That's from Mike in Georgia who sent this.
This next one's from Dave in Delaware. He says Lizzo
was asked why she liked her dancers to have bananas.
Do you hear what she said? No, she said she
(29:16):
found them more appealing that way. How many versions of
a banana joke can we do? I still can't get
over the fact, Eddie, that Lizzo actually fat. Sheames someone else.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
In amazing that is surprising us.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
Yeah, that's like a whale calling the walrus wett, Who
does that? Come on, that's a Kurt from Earth. Thank
you for that, pity laugh weed, man, I believe I
thank you for that. Kurt from Earth also sent this
one in. Apparently even John Gruden has filed a lawsuit
against Lizzo.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Really, that's surprising.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Yeah, apparently she learned of the Spider two wide banana
play and she's been running that with the dancers. So
that's Kurt from Earth who sent that. When I saw
Thanks for the laughing. I saw Lizzo near my car
the other day.
Speaker 2 (30:04):
Oh yeah, what was she doing?
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Well, it's a good thing I didn't fall for the
banana in the tailpipe, Eddie. That would have been bad.
I didn't fall for it, though. I think she likes
the banana in the front pipe. I don't know any
are that's a kurt from her? Who set that one in?
Did you see that story, weed Man? The Lizzo's lawsuit?
You read that? No, no idea what we're talking about?
(30:32):
Oh my god? All right, where did Lizzo first fall
in love with bananas?
Speaker 2 (30:39):
I don't know where.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
That would be Sunday school, Eddie. Yeah, ice banana splits, Eddie.
They make the banana splits, Eddie, the Sunday the banana.
Speaker 6 (30:51):
I'll tell you about the story during the break weed Man.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Yeah, then he'll be laughing his ass off. Well, Lizzo
I had to get in the oil business, but unfortunately
she was unable to.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
Make a lot of money.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
Well, she focused on banana oil, that's all she was.
That one was from Mike. This one's from Fred in Vegas.
Why does Lizzo put sunscreen on her bananas?
Speaker 2 (31:19):
I don't know why.
Speaker 1 (31:21):
Well, she doesn't want them to peel, Eddie. She's worried
they'll peel if they get You know, well, with Lizzo
part of the supposedly phenomenal Barbie soundtrack. You know what
Lizzo and Barbie have in common?
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Uh no, what do they have in common?
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Absolutely positivity, positivity, nothing, nothing, Eddie, they have nothing. In Boston.
Set that one in. Why does Lizzo put sunscreen? I
already did that one. I'll do one more and we'll
close the Lizzo radio roles. Did you hear that Lizzo
has canceled her fancy European tour dates.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
I did not hear that.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Yes, she told her manager she is now only going
to perform in Banana republics. That's it, Eddie, she will
only go to Banana republics. That's what Gordon and Tacoma.
So we had other jokes. We can't do all this,
but thank you, and we will have the rest. We're
gonna have the weed Man, a couple of weed man jokes.
We've got many more jokes. It's Big Ben's Lame Jokes
(32:24):
of the Week. We do it every Friday. If you
like it, if you don't like it. We only do
it once a week, so who the hell cares? But
lame jokes of the week rolls on. We'll get to
it and we will do it next.
Speaker 4 (32:35):
Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in
the nation. Catch all of our shows at Foxsports Radio
dot com and within the iHeartRadio app search FSR to
listen live.
Speaker 2 (32:47):
Calling all Malan Militia foot soldiers. We need your helping
hand to gain new recruits By posting and tagging Mallard
Show related content on Twitter, Instagram, at Facebook, you are
the special ingredient needed to influence others to join our
mysterious nocturnable two noticed the Ben Mallor Show and I'll
live from the tyrack dot com Fox Sports Radio Studios.
It's Ben Mallor.
Speaker 4 (33:08):
Knock knock? Who's there? Blame Weed? Blame we who? It's
Big Ben's lame joke of the week.
Speaker 1 (33:14):
Lame jokes of the week. It continues on. We think
all of our unpaid, underappreciated joke writers that have taken
time out to write the show, and we thank them
for their many Lizzo jokes. Weed man, did you hang up?
Are you still there?
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Weed Man?
Speaker 1 (33:30):
I'm here all right? There is weed Man Hippie in Miami.
Longtime show contributor. What was the major flaw with the
mice's planned to steal weed man hippies teeth?
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Attie? I don't know what was.
Speaker 4 (33:44):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (33:45):
They've stolen them and they've never been found.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
No, No, the flaw was they thought they could get
him to pay the ransom. That's the that's the table. Okay,
that's a passionate belly laugh of weed Man. That's Chip
and Maine who sent that one. And and if you
give weed Man a fish, if you give weed Man
a fish, you'll feed him for a day at right,
(34:09):
if you give weed Man a poison fish, you'll feed
him for life. Justin, Justin in d C set that
one in. How was Lisa able to break all of
weed Man's teeth when she threw a glass at him?
Speaker 2 (34:25):
I don't know how was she able to do that?
Speaker 1 (34:27):
Turns out weed Man's teeth were in the glass. They
were in the glass. Circle Todd the comedian, I know
she's sleeping. What's weed Man's what's weed Man asking for
for his next birthday? Glowing the dark tothbody?
Speaker 2 (34:47):
You want?
Speaker 1 (34:48):
What's that?
Speaker 2 (34:49):
We Man?
Speaker 1 (34:50):
My birthday was last week last No, no way, happy birthday?
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Look at that.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
I meant to say it last week on the radio
with happy birthday? How old are you twenty seven? You're
still twenty seven? No way, are you a way old? Poor?
How old do you feel?
Speaker 2 (35:16):
I can't tell you.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
It's to medicand just like you planned out life, it's
going as planned when you were younger. Right, any jokes
over there.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Cooperloo, Yeah, I gotta come with he.
Speaker 1 (35:28):
Okay, Coop's got some offensive jokes.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
How do you pay your respects to pbe Herman's at
pe Wee Herman's funeral?
Speaker 1 (35:36):
I don't know. You shall show.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Yes, yes, what.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
A way to find out? Okay, But the proper way
to pay your respects is to show up naked. I
think we should appa to Kurt from Earth because he
got just bowguarded by weed Man. Just reaction, It just
spoiled that joke. Man Man alive?
Speaker 2 (36:10):
All right?
Speaker 1 (36:11):
How is weed Man getting ready for football season?
Speaker 2 (36:15):
I don't know how's he getting ready?
Speaker 1 (36:17):
He's already sleeping in the parking lot at the Dolphin
Stadium getting ready to panhandle. So he's ready to go
on that. What should everyone do to fight poverty?
Speaker 2 (36:28):
Eddie. I don't know what what should we do?
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Punch weed Man? Just punch weed man. That's all you have.
That's Eric in Kansas. All right, calm down. At least
you're not giving out your Gmail anymore. You've stopped doing
that or whatever.
Speaker 2 (36:40):
Your PayPal?
Speaker 1 (36:41):
Can you say, pah, yeah, do you actually check that email?
You're locked out of Twitter. You're locked out of everything.
You forgot your password to all these things I still have.
All right, why don't you Why don't you reset your
your Twitter password?
Speaker 4 (37:00):
I don't know what happened.
Speaker 1 (37:03):
Well, it's no longer it's called X now all right.
How can the Malard militia help weed Man get off
the streets?
Speaker 2 (37:08):
I don't know how. How can they help them?
Speaker 1 (37:10):
Well, they can just pick him up and put him
on the sidewalk. That's what they could do. They could
do that. That's justin Justin and DC sent that one
in DC Comedian justin any other jokes? Cool? Nah, okay?
Women call weed Man ugly until they find out how
much he's worth Eddie, Oh is that right? Then they
call him ugly and poor? That's what they call him.
(37:32):
Justin the DC Comedian. Here's some other jokes. Why can't
angry Bill donate to the spur Bank?
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Oh God, I don't know. Why. Why can't he not
do that?
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Low income Eddie, low income? That's is justin in DC.
Do you know Andre has a lazy eye?
Speaker 2 (37:52):
I did not know that.
Speaker 1 (37:53):
Yeah, he can't control his pupils. He can't control the pupil.
That's justin in d C. Thank you all up for
the lame jokes. Next week, man, get out of here,
go away, all right,
Host
Ben Maller
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