August 18, 2023 • 39 mins
Ben Maller talks about the NBA schedule all but confirming a Damian Lillard trade to Miami, Kevin McHale's comments on James Harden, Lame Jokes of the Week, and much more!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello and welcome. It's our name Birth three. It's the
lame Jokes of the Week hour. Also, this hour we
go to pro bouncy Ball. Is it true that the
NBA has all but confirmed that Dame Lillard will be
traded to Miami? Is it going to happen? Also, how
(00:23):
did you interpret how did you interpret the Kevin McHale comments,
the Celtic legend on James Harden? And what did you
think of Johnny Manzell's revelation in the podcast one of
the great revelations I've seen in a documentary about a
football player. Explain what it is. We'll get to that
and much more right now here, it is our three.
(00:46):
It's just a schedule. There's nothing more to it. That's it,
well kind of there is Welcome. In the beginning of
another hour of the Ben Malors Show. We are in
the a everywhere with bull dust as we attempt to
make a dent, but not there, somewhere else, coast to coast,
(01:09):
port of the border and beyond all the vast and
wonderfully powerful microphones of FSR amminating live from the roller
driving that steamroller around the radio dial. We are broadcasting
live from the tyrack dot com Studios. Tyrack dot com
will help you get there an unmatched selection, fast, free shipping,
(01:34):
free road hazard protection, and over ten thousand recommended installers.
Ty rack dot com the way tire buying should be
in ear lead this hour. Coming from the calendar app
on your phone. Pro Bouncy Ball released the much Ballyhood
(01:55):
regular season schedule. Denver will come eight their championship and
they get to hang out with the Lizard person, Adam Silver,
half Man, half Alien. He will be in Colorado for
opening night October twenty fourth, so a week before Halloween.
The NBA will open up and the Nuggets will get
(02:19):
their first win of the year against the Lakers that night,
and it's the first of I know you're excited about this.
Twelve hundred and thirty regular season NBA games. Now, the
league released eighty games of the schedule. There are two
other games that will be decided later because they got
this Fugeesi round robin tournament that they're they're putting out there.
But the second game on opening night has Golden State
(02:42):
and Phoenix. Phoenix visiting Golden State, so Chris Paul, assuming
he's not hurt, will be coming off the bench in
that game. The NBA big shots made a big to
do about maximizing player rest and limiting travel demands when
they release the schedule. Uh, And I guess I'm becoming
(03:04):
that jaded schmuck. But I thought that's so embarrassing to
how it used to be in sport. And I guess
everyone's okay with it, and I'm on the on the
wrong side of history apparently. But I was raised that
athletic competition sports is supposed to be a war of attrition.
And when I started covering basketball early, I was a kid,
(03:27):
you know, I was a young guy when I started,
and the old timers would brag about how they had
to play three nights in a row, and they flew
commercial and they'd go from San Diego to San Antonio
and then they'd have to go on to New Orleans
because that was when the Jazz were in New Orleans,
and they wore like a badge of honor. And now
(03:48):
we've gotten so far the opposite direction. Okay, we're so
far in the opposite direction that now the league itself
is patting itself on the back and saying, I would
like a gold star near my name because we're gonna
make it as easy as possible for the players, and
we're gonna have as much player rest and limited travel.
(04:10):
The funniest thing about this is it won't matter. Like
you can cut down on air miles and extend the
rest and the players are still gonna Malinger. It's in
the DNA of the teams. They encourage it. The agents,
the reps, the massage therapists, the personal chefs, the helpers.
They encourage it. So it's not gonna stop. So it's
(04:33):
a futile effort, is what it is. Now, that being
one point of conversation. The other part of this what
I want to get into. Some are claiming that after
the schedule was let out that Dame Lillard's future has
been decided by the NBA schedule release. So I don't
(04:53):
if you saw this or not, maybe not to let
us discuss the question, is it true that the end
has all but confirmed that Dame Lillard will be traded
to Miami this NBA season? And I am nodding my head, yes,
Why well, look at the evidence. I've got guillotine confectionery
(05:18):
and seeing eye dog. So to answer the question, is
it true the NBAS confirmed Dame Lillard being traded to Miami. Yes,
professional sports is a TV show. It's almost completely scripted reality.
Some would say it is if you ask Tim Donnie
contrived storylines, human drama. We like it, we watch. We
(05:38):
like the playoffs more than the regular season. But that's
all the prologue. One NBA schedule quirk stood out like
an infected flame, throbbing thumb with pus oozing out of it.
The Portland Trailblazer Portland Trailblazers play one game on TNA
(06:01):
next season. That one game is a home game in Portland.
The road team, the Miami Heat ding ding ding ding
ding ding ding ding. Yes, February twenty seventh is the
date that happens. Also coincide a few days after the
(06:24):
trade deadline in the NBA. You can see it now.
Ernie Johnson, Charles Barkley, Shaquille O'Neal on the set. Dame
Lillard returns to Portland tonight. Big headline there, Charles Barkley
goofing on the Blazers and shack massaging Dame Lillard. You
(06:48):
see the whole thing. Playoff. There's no other reason to
put that game on television. It's as subtle as having
your head placed under a guillotine. The Blazers are expected
to royally stink their season will be over by the
time November fifteenth comes around, and you're gonna put them
(07:08):
on a national televised game in mid actually late February.
Why would you do that? The only reason you would
do that is for raw emotion. The schedule goons the
TV overlords. They expect the Dame train jut to ride
back down the Oregon Trail, and they'll have an army
(07:30):
of hundreds of cameras to document everything for posterity sake.
A ninety five percent chance that that happens. It's a
dead giveaway again, dead giveaway in the schedule. Now. Secondly,
our next stop is China. You see James Harden. This
story is still got like James Harden has been playing
footsie with the communist country there. He's been genuflecting. I
(07:54):
had a guy email me. You can tell this guy's
an old timer because I don't think this is quite
the same. But he's like he's the Hanoy Jane of
the NBA, you know. I said, well, I don't think
it's the same analogy, but I like your efforts, sir,
but anyway, this guy's been selling shoes and wine. He's
been flirting with the People's Republic of China and also
(08:15):
unloading on Darryl Morey, the rotund GM in Philadelphia. And
now there is pushback from a Boston Celtic legend, Kevin McHale.
Kevin McHale Celtic great, So he didn't hear what he
had to say. Maybe not. McHale called out James Harden
for being fat and getting him fired after benching him
(08:39):
in the twenty fifteen playoffs. Unfortunately, that was the game
I happened to be at. Now here's what Michael said.
He said the next year, he meaning Harden, came to camp,
he was fat and didn't feel like playing, and I
got fired eleven games into the season. He had a plan.
(08:59):
Close quote. So the question on this one, how did
you interpret the Kevin mckill comments on James Harden. So
these are self explanatory. Mckill did not mince his words.
He did not leave anything to the imagination. You know,
like a bikini leave stuff to the imagination. But if
you're naked, you see all the goodies. Yeah, that's the
(09:20):
same thing. This is nakedness and when he was coaching
the Rockets, McHale benched James Harden in a playoff game
against the Clippers where the Rockets were getting blown out
going to the fourth quarter and it was the backups.
And this has to have humiliated James Harden so much
that Josh Smith and Corey Brewer took that game over
(09:44):
against the Clippers and then led the Rockets back and
they got to the Western Conference Finals because of that.
And Harden sat there on the bench sulky, and McHale's like, Hey,
I wanted, you know, I was running a little confectionery
and I wanted James Harden to enjoy a little bit, small,
little sampler spoon of French vanilla. And instead Harden ended
(10:04):
up eating all of the Rocky Road ice cream. And
so McHale's come back. He's used the atomic elbow. But
is there anyone right now who is more in bed
in American sport with China in the last week than
James Harden. We love China, We love everything you know
they're about. Yeah, And that's my guy right there, James.
(10:27):
He's talking about playing in China now, and how would
that work? The The NBA has deals with a lot
of the international basketball community where if a player is
contractually obligated to play in the NBA, they can't play
anywhere else. You think those rules apply in China. Like
if James Harden said, yeah, you know, I want to
go play in Beijing, I want to get one of
(10:49):
those museums like Stefan Marbury had. What if he did it?
What would the NBA do? Would he assume? They probably
put his contract, they didn't bargo his contract, But what
would Harden care? He'd make more money in China? All right?
Final thought China. Yeah, I'm sure we'll talk more about China,
(11:10):
but we're gonna pivot the college football. So by request,
by request, watched the Netflix doc about Johnny football recently.
So what did you think if you saw it? I
saw it? What do you think of the Johnny Manziel
Book of Revelations? There was one big takeaway as someone
(11:32):
that did sports radio talked about Johnny Manziel a lot,
and if you listen to the show, I am guilty
as charged. I was on the money train with Johnny Manziel.
I was buying all the bull crap. I was totally
in on him. I loved the story. I loved the Rasmataz,
the money sign, all that crap. I loved it all.
I couldn't not get enough of Johnny Manziel. But my
(11:56):
big takeaway is what an absolute maestro. Johnny Manziel's buddy
is one of the great revelations I've seen in a
sports documentary. When Johnny Manziel got caught wearing Rolex watches,
wearing designer clothes, driving high end automobiles that were worth
hundreds of thousands of dollars, flying in private jets to Miami,
(12:20):
in Vegas while playing at Texas A and m the
NCAA said, you can't do that, and this is in
the days before the nil and so they came down
on Menzel. They investigated him, and according to this documentary,
his buddy, this guy called Uncle Nate, cooked up one
of the great hum dingers of an alibi that I've
(12:43):
ever seen. To think this worked, and people's oh, you're
supposed to believe these stories, and we bought it, we
repeated it, we heard it. We thought, Okay, this guy
cooked up the story that Johnny Manziel came from old
oil money, that his family was loaded. Turns out Manure
(13:04):
Bullpucky as Jay Scoop in the Ukraine would say it
was not true. His family didn't come from old oil money.
He was a small town Texas guy. He was a
party boy, a frat boy. He didn't have any money,
not you know, maybe middle class money. He didn't have
aristocrat money. His family didn't small town Texas guy. Didn't matter.
(13:24):
That guy sold the story. Uncle Nate and everyone, all
the suckers, yours truly included, repeated it sim salabim abrakadabra.
It was like spoon bending. Now not only did the
media get hornswaggles, but who cares? Everyone rips the media,
but country bumpkins from the NCAA. You want to know
(13:46):
how pathetic the nc double A is that they needed
a seeing eye dog because they had inintentional blindness there
that they actually could have snooped around and figured out
whether Manziell's family actually had old oil money. They clearly
didn't do their due diligence. Nobody investigated in any further.
(14:09):
Manziel got away with. He was going around signing autographs
in Miami, Vegas, Washington, DC for thousands and thousands of
dollars in straight cash, and then he had to find
a way to get rid of the money. And because
you know cash, you got to find a way to
launder it. Yeah, I'm so great. I'm so grateful to Mob.
(14:33):
When they were getting rid of the money, they went
with laundromats. What if they had gone with like donut shops,
what would be saying these days you have to donut
the money and say launder the money, because they were
the Mob was putting money in laundromats, in the laundromat
business to get rid of it. Anyway. It is the
Ben Mahlor Show. If you would like to be part
eight seven seven ninety nine on Fox. We got lame
(14:57):
Jokes of the Week coming up later in the hour.
We'll take your phone call though, up until then at
eight seven, seven ninety nine on Fox Time. Now for
the mallor riddle of the day, and here it is,
We'll go to the world of tennis. Why because I
think it's kind of funny. There's a Greek tennis star
name Stefanos Sitsifas, but that's quite the name. He was
(15:17):
distracted by a female fan who would not stop blanking.
All right, and again tennis star from Greece says he
was His name is Stefanos. He was distracted by a
female fan who would not stop blanking. And that is
the Malor riddle of the day. The answer, We'll get
(15:38):
to it. We'll do it next.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Join the curious world of the Ben Mahler Show online.
It is pain free and easy to do. Just follow
your host on Twitter. He's at Ben Mallor and you
can tweet it and follow our technical producer. He is
from Iowa and his name is Sam and he's at
Iowa Sam ninety nine man Starman, and I'll lie from
(16:12):
the tire rack dot Com. Fox Sports Radio Studios. It's
Ben Mallor Tyer fay off.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
E Mallor Riddle of the day. And here's the Mallor
riddle of the day. There's a Greek tennis star. His
name is Stefanos. I will not attempt to pronounce his
last name again. H Anyway, he was distracted by a
female fan recently who would not stop blanking. Got very
upset by this female fan. Late night truck tester says
(16:43):
she brought her milkshake to the yard. Yes, that clearly
was the problem, a Fergcat says for constantly saying what
a handsome man Brian Finley is. Now, ferg Cat, you're
gonna get banned from X again. You can't put revenge
porn of Brian Finley he on the internet like that.
I mean, you can't put that smut. That's a tell
Brian to put some clothes on. Dude. That's ugly with
(17:03):
that photo him. I want to go puke, Asher says,
building a Lego Millennium falcon, juggling his tennis balls from
Fenley's funhouse account, spending his money guessed by Dante. Dante
sounds like he's been through a few marriages. Who else
do we have? Punching her Brian Fenley fat head from
(17:24):
the clam mimicking Maria Sharapova's grunts, distracted by her ball
washing from the Sawman Kathy and Madison. I think I
don't know if we're gonna read that one on there. Kathy, Well,
we love you, Kathy. Who else do we have? She
kept barking like a dog from Callaghan Tim doing sign language.
(17:44):
Fudgie says to a lot of Brian Finley references because
a pitcher and a hitcher. Yes, it's such a smooth
man as a broadcaster, sucking on a big gulp from
seven to eleven. According to Orange and Blue Blood Brett,
who else do we have? She would not stop asking
(18:04):
him about his car's extended warranty. According to Trucker Joe
peeling his banana from Robbie the Mariner fan, she kept
yelling I love John Stamos from Kenneth the sports Lama
uh Nick in Wisconsin says, moaning sexually that she was
doing that. Mason the Millennial says that this guy was
(18:28):
distracted by a woman giving birth in the crowd, chipping
the CU's got it right, soded a couple of other people, Eddie.
Do you have the answer here, Eddie?
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Yes, he was distracted because she kept trying to pronounce
his last name.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Do you know how his last name any ciphus I
almost got it right to Yeah, that's it, Cityphus, that's
his name. Why are you laughing? You know you laugh
that's the best thing.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
Reason.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
It's t s I T s I p A s we.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
We had Petros pronounce it on the two Show, and.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
He was like really good a couple of years ago, right,
and tennis, I don't know tennis.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
I mean, as far as I know, he's still pretty good.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Okay, good for him. The answer is that this woman
would not state stop making b noises. She kept making
be noises, and this guy Stefinals, got so upset he
confronted the woman.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
During the match, so she was buzzing.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
She would not stop imitating a bee. There's video of
it if you want on the internet, you can find there.
But yeah, I thought tennis players were supposed to block
out the distractions and the noise and all that. No,
they're not. Apparently, they're like they're like golfers where they're annoyed.
And yeah, we years ago we played audio played audio
(19:48):
from one of those tennis female tennis matches and the
weld grunning. Yeah, and if out of context audio dy y,
you would not know what you're listening to. You would
think you might be listening to something else. You can
use your imagine what might you be. I don't know,
maybe some child birth or maybe the act of creating
(20:11):
child birth. I don't know. I have no idea, but anyway, yeah, hey,
well I'm gonna take some calls, My board is being
reset while we wait for that Football fans, that would
be you. The return of our very popular Saturday and
Sunday pregame shows, Countdown to Kickoff, presented by our friends
at bet MGM, returns this weekend. How crazy is that?
(20:31):
Be sure to tune into Fox Sports Radio every single
Saturday and Sunday morning, so tomorrow and then Sunday, uh
three hours before kickoff from now all the way through
Super Bowl Sunday in February. Crazy? How is that? Now?
On Saturdays you got Brian Num, star of the No Show,
a former Penn State All American, Rich Ortenberger, I know
(20:54):
him as a San Diego legend and Hornie Yeah. And
betting analyst Jared Smith will walk you right up to
college football's kickoffs, and then on NFL Sunday, Brian No
back again. Eight year NFL veteran Jeff Schwartz, may the
Schwartz be with you, and professional vetter Bill crack Krackenberger
will lead you right up to the yearly or earlier
(21:17):
I think not yearly, but early NFL kickoffs, So all
NFL season you can listen to countdown to Kickoff Saturday
and Sunday each weekend morning starting Saturday. Right here, that's
tomorrow on Fox Sports Radio and the iHeart Radio apps.
So if you're up early doing those that crap you
gotta do around the house, you know, you try to
get that out of the way, so you watch your football.
(21:39):
That's you. Just put that radio on boom, you get
the iHeart app on the back. You're ready to go.
Let's go to the Wild Eyed Southern Boy. Hello, wild
Eye Southern Boy.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
What's going on?
Speaker 1 (21:51):
B wait, wait, wait a minute, Yeah, Eddie, it isn't right.
Speaker 4 (22:00):
Off his thirst Scratch Office dead. Okay, let's get over
that and let it go. Sirch scratch Off is dead.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Okay, how did he die? First?
Speaker 4 (22:10):
Scratch Office had a bad few months and I finally
got Katara and and and and and uh what's his name?
What's his name? Oh my god, Eddie, I messenger, Eddie,
tell him what happened a couple of a couple of
weeks ago. I've been going through a bad deal with
my body. Okay, it wasn't funny. Okay, it wasn't funny.
(22:31):
It off. I cried, I got mad at God and
I don't do that. And I supposedly was supposed to
have stomach cancer. You heard, I heard you a little
thing you said right after I got off the air
that one night, two weeks ago. You said, all, he'll
have to come back with a story. Well, this little
story wasn't happy, it wasn't funny. But we found out
(22:52):
what it really is now and I'm happy at least
it's over with. But that's what caused me to be
such a bad person. I was scared to this. All
I've told you before and all you have to listen.
If you want to laugh at me, if you want
to wish it would have happened, I'm sorry. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
No one's wishing. I mean there's some losers that will
pretend laugh, but they don't really believe it.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
I just got cussed like a doll from one of
your moun militias, from somebody who cares. What do you?
Speaker 3 (23:18):
What do you?
Speaker 1 (23:18):
You don't know these people? What are you worried about them?
Speaker 4 (23:20):
This?
Speaker 1 (23:20):
You got it. If you're gonna be a public figure,
you're gonna be a celebrity overnight radio call And you
know the kind of power of celebrity overnight radio caller
has here wild Eye, So you have to take some criticism. Listen,
Poppy gets ripped all the time, Andre gets ripped. These
guys still call up every night because they know they're
on a mission. And you got to be able to
take it. Because I'm telling you, so we have to
(23:41):
call you wild eyed Southern Boy?
Speaker 4 (23:43):
Now?
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Is that your new name?
Speaker 4 (23:45):
I take it because of all what was going on?
Speaker 1 (23:48):
He why'd you block me on Twitter? Though?
Speaker 4 (23:51):
That's that's something I had. Few people you mess me
and say, hey man, what's going on? Message? And I'm like,
I don't know what's going on? Even some I thank you,
thank you name, Oh my god. But anyway, I got
to do it one right now, And I said, I
don't I'm gonna find out, but I ain't had time
to look my phone because I got you on hold.
I'm trying to call your show. I got Twitter because
(24:11):
of your show.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Okay, okay, listen, listen. First of all, shut up, I
take a breath. I listen. I'm happy that you got
apparently some some good news. Right, that's good news.
Speaker 4 (24:21):
You got to I had pitched. I had pitched my
stomach and they said, even as small as some of
our seat or not something with strawberry seat. We'll get
in that stuff. It make me, it hurts, but no.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
I hear it, I hear you. Well, it's good. Listen.
Let me tell you. Every time I've had a mealth problem,
I'm convinced I'm about to die. But it sounds like
you really had something where they you could have gone
either way. So that's great news. That's a wonderful mitzvah
for you. We're happy for you now.
Speaker 4 (24:48):
Unblocked a small time man. You know, I've been on
it for a long time and I respect all these drivers.
It was a driver that cust me. But like I said,
I don't care because I gotta go on.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Oh you do care, You do care. You're offended by that,
which is fine. It's a natural human reaction. But you
got to get some thick skin because I get ripped
all the time. And I, uh, you know, just what
I do is I mute them. That way you don't
see the comments. That's what I do, and they can
they can say whatever they want. I don't see them.
Speaker 4 (25:13):
I blocked the driver, and I don't block people very
much at all. I love back up, you know, and stuff.
And I blocked this uh uh Joe or whatever his
name is, the trucker.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
You know, well, he's you know, he's a truck driver.
He's got the language of a tructors. I gotta go.
I'm happy.
Speaker 4 (25:31):
I'm gonna go through here. I'm blocking. I'm gonna find
out if.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
You're you're definitely blocking me. But that's fine. I don't
I'm you don't have to unblock me if you don't
want to, It's all right.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
I want to because I like to kill the show.
I try to send jokes, I try to ask being
I try to do this and do that. I'm not
a Twitter person. I got it because your show, because
all the people act.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
I gotta go. It's gonna take me a while to
not call you some scratch off, so I'll have to
figure out how I'm gonna do that. Okay, thank you.
Well that's interesting phone call.
Speaker 5 (26:03):
Can you look at his profile picture on Twitter? He
looks almost exactly like the actor Clancy Brown.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
That's a random he's a non secutar.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Hey, it's me Rob Parker.
Speaker 6 (26:22):
Check out my weekly MLB podcast Inside the Parker for
twenty two minutes of piping hot baseball talk featuring the
biggest names of newsmakers in the sport. Whether you believe
in analytics or the I Test, we've got all the
bases covered.
Speaker 7 (26:38):
New episodes drop every Thursday, So do yourself a favor
and listen to Inside the Parker with Rob Parker on
the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcast.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
And back to you major League Baseball for this. Congratulations
to Tim Anderson, Chicago White Sox shorts time. Remember he
appealed that six game suspension after getting into a fight
with Cleveland's Rosier Ramirez. His suspension was reduced from six
games too five games. That one game back, though, will
make all the difference.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
And coming up at the top of the hourlready we
will microanalyze the apology, which was quite the apology from
Tim Anderson. He posted on social media.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
No I can't wait to hear that.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Yeah, yeah, interesting apologies. So we'll have that coming up
a little bit later. Thank you for that, Eddie. It
is the Ben Malors Show. As we continue on through
these overnight hours, we're about to laugh our asses off.
Oh we're gonna laugh this portion of the show brought
to you by Progressive Insurance. Progressive makes bundling easy and affordable.
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Bundle and save where that's right, Ding ding ding ding ding. Yes,
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why we do that commercial so often, so you remember it.
Marcell's got it memorized. Marcel in the morning, he's likely
(27:57):
gonna call up next out from the streets of Brooklyn.
But let's strike up the band. Iowa, Sam, here we go.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Knock knock, who's there? Blame week?
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Blame week too.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
It's Big Ben's lame joke of the week.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Is your actual joke sitting by actual listeners of the show.
You guys have been great. I was away last week
on a trip to the Northeast, but I am back
and ready to go here and the joke writers have
come through yet again. Thank you. We want to send
jokes in. If you think you're funny and you think
you can make other people laugh, you want to send
a joke in, It's free to do it. We don't
(28:38):
pay you, but we might make a joke famous. We'll
make your joke famous on the air. Email Ben Malors
Show at gmail dot com. Is weed Man there? By
the way, Cooper Loop is he online? Okay? Hello weed Man?
Speaker 4 (28:53):
Hi, Hey Dan, I love you. Say hello Lisa?
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Hi Lisa. No, there she is the lovely.
Speaker 3 (29:03):
An amazing.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
What a romance. It's like Romeo and Juliet. Romeo and Juliet,
weed Man and Lisa. What they should write up. They
should make a movie about you too. Yeah, all night,
Lisa tried. Lisa tries to sleep and you wake her up.
It's fascinating the relationship that you have. It's amazing. Yes, uh,
all right, everything, all right, weed Man in your world.
(29:26):
We haven't talked you in a couple of weeks. Here.
Weed Man lives in Miami. Is one of our characters
on the show and at one pick, at one point
we were gonna do Benny and the weed Man, but
we decided, you know, we moved on from that, right.
Speaker 4 (29:38):
Yeah, No, I I know, I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
All right, Well here we go. Uh, let's get the
party started. Did you hear that Lizzo was caught making
or taking a smoke break during her concert?
Speaker 3 (29:54):
I did not hear that.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Yeah, she was got taking a smoke break during her concert.
She was caught smoking a pig. Quite shocking. That's a
good joke. Alex the Cynical from Houston. Houston area sent
that one in what do you call Lizzo and some
killer whales doing a streaming talk show?
Speaker 3 (30:17):
I don't know what do you call that?
Speaker 1 (30:19):
You call that a pod cast? That is what you
call that? That's that's a Morton in Tacoma. What does
it mean if Lizzo can see the top of Washington's head?
Speaker 3 (30:33):
That sound?
Speaker 1 (30:35):
I don't know we met? Are you making a weird sound?
Speaker 3 (30:39):
Like some kind of buzzing?
Speaker 1 (30:41):
What does it mean if Lizzo can see the top
of Washington's head?
Speaker 3 (30:45):
Uh? Like the tire rat commercial? I don't know what
does it mean?
Speaker 1 (30:48):
It means that Washington is eating a banana apparently is
what it means. I guess I don't know what that means.
That's Chip and Maine who sent that one in what
what was the what was the first thing Lizzo did
on an ice date?
Speaker 3 (31:02):
I don't know what did you do?
Speaker 1 (31:03):
She broke the ice eddie? She tracked it right there? Uh.
Eric in Kansas sent that one in What happened when
the banana saw Lizzo?
Speaker 3 (31:13):
I don't know what happened the banana split.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Have you seen the news, Eddie Kamas?
Speaker 3 (31:18):
Let's uh did we lose wee.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Man econ Roseville, Minisot? Is we men gone?
Speaker 3 (31:27):
Oh? You're still there?
Speaker 1 (31:28):
You didn't think that was funny?
Speaker 3 (31:29):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (31:29):
What's the only all right? What's the only cake that
Lizzo does not like the taste of uh urinal cake? Oh?
You've heard that joke before. That's Surfer Toalk the Comedian.
That's a recite. We've had that for Doc Mike. Haven't
we had that for Doc Mike? By the way, big news,
(31:52):
Surfer Todd the comedian and his lovely wife will be
joining us at the mallor meet greeting. So you want
to meet surfer to the Comedian, you can go out
and meet him. I don't think ferg Dog is going
to be there. He has to he has to polish
Brian Finley's shoes. I don't think he'll be there, Unfortunately.
Did you know that Lizzo is bilingual?
Speaker 3 (32:11):
I did not know that.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
Yeah, she's fluent in pig Latin. That's also a Surfer
Todd Server Todd the comedian, did hear some some troubling
news here? Lizzo has a new belly ring. Belly ring,
it's a new belly ring, is that right? Yeah? But
you know she was trying to use a hula hoop
but he got stuck apparently. So yeah, so k w
(32:37):
any any jokes, Coop?
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Not yet?
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Not yet? Oh you didn't like the ones I sent you?
Didn't you sent me some? Yeah? I sent you.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
Oh I didn't see this. Okay, we'll go over there.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
All right, you have to examine those see if they're
worthy of being broadcast. Here Coop does offensive jokes? What
is something Lizzo cannot do?
Speaker 3 (32:58):
See her feet?
Speaker 1 (32:59):
No, cannot give someone a non fatal lap dance? Impossible?
Speaker 3 (33:05):
That?
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Yeah, we met? Are you on a prison phone?
Speaker 4 (33:08):
We man?
Speaker 1 (33:09):
What is that from prison?
Speaker 3 (33:13):
That is that that woman at the tennis match making
the b noises? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
I don't know what's going on with that. Why does
Lizzo have a crush on Tim Anderson?
Speaker 3 (33:26):
I don't know. Why does she?
Speaker 1 (33:27):
Well she says she loves dropped sack of potatoes like
Tim anders That's all right, Hold on everyone, hold on
there we'll have much more. We'll have the weed Man
Radio Roast. We also have a bunch of wander Franco jokes.
I don't know how many of those are gonna make
the air, but it's Big Ben's Lame Jokes a week.
(33:47):
If you like it, we do it every week at
this time. If you don't like it, we only do
it once a week, So who the hell cares? And
it continues. We'll get to it. Big Ben's Lame Jokes
of the week. More of it next.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in
the nation. Catch all of our shows at Foxsports Radio
dot com and within the iHeartRadio app search FSR to
listen live.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
Calling all Malard Militia foot soldiers, we need your helping
hand to gain new recruits. By posting and tagging Mallard
Show related content on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and all social networks.
You are the special ingredient needed to influence others to
join our mysterious nocturnal platoon known as the Ben Mallor
Show at l from the ti rack dot com, Fox
Sports Radio Studios. It's Ben Maller, it is Lame Jokes
(34:34):
a week.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
These are actual jokes from actual listeners of the show.
They have submitted their jokes. Are you there, weed Man? Yeah?
I love you all right, our friend from Miami. Have
you found your teeth yet? Weed Man? No? Please, Joe
Crazy you have you looked for your teeth?
Speaker 3 (34:55):
Man?
Speaker 4 (34:56):
What I know?
Speaker 3 (34:58):
I know why he's too busy to clean it though,
of course.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Probably right there unless the rats have run away with him. Anyway,
here we go. Why did weed Man dig up John
Wooden's grave?
Speaker 3 (35:14):
I don't know. Why would he do such a thing?
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Disgusting? Apparently he wanted some wooden teeth, Eddie is what?
That's what?
Speaker 3 (35:22):
That could be?
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Sorry, Todd, you've upset him. What do weed Man in
Oregon State athletics have in common?
Speaker 3 (35:32):
Well? Very interesting. I don't know. What does he have
in common with the beavers there?
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Well, they're both homeless, Eddie, they're both homeless there are confienceless,
so I guess you could say there. Why is the
Malard militia outrage that White Sox star Tim Anderson got KOed.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
I don't know why they outraged over then.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Well, they were hoping it would have happened to weed
Man instead. Tony in the Bay Area. Tony had three strikes.
He's out earlier on in the show. You can hear
that on the podcast. What should weed Man's music intro be?
Speaker 3 (36:10):
Hmm, that's a good question. I don't know what should
it be?
Speaker 1 (36:16):
Chip, and Maine says, you two's. I still haven't found
what I'm looking for.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
He's not looking for it.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
That's the problem. And I mean it's a good song, Chip,
but he's not really looking for it. What is weed
Man's favorite cookie?
Speaker 3 (36:34):
Favorite cookie? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
He loves poos. He's a big fan of poros. He's
eating some right now. Noah from Austin or Noah in
Austin said that, thank you.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
No.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
This is the next one comes from Hillbilly Mike. How
do you end a party at a trailer park?
Speaker 3 (36:58):
I don't know how to end it.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
You simply flush the punch bowl away. That's all you
have to do there, Eddies, flush that away? And any jokes?
Speaker 5 (37:10):
Cooper, what do you call Lizzo after a gender reassignment surgery?
I don't know, trans fat.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
Who wrote that joke?
Speaker 3 (37:29):
That's from Chip Maine?
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Oh Man, all right, the chipster Man. I want some
wander Franco jokes?
Speaker 3 (37:37):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Why why isn't wander Franco worried about being suspended.
Speaker 3 (37:45):
I don't know. Why would he not be worried about that?
Speaker 1 (37:47):
Well, according to Andrea in Berkeley, it's very difficult to
get accurate birth dates in ages of Dominican people. So
there's nothing to worry about. There any nothing to worry about,
Chip Chip in Maine. True, I guess, Oh, oh boy,
what kind of art adorns wander Franco's home?
Speaker 3 (38:09):
Oh? I don't know what kind of art does he have?
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Yeah, he's got his girlfriend's finger paintings on the wall.
Deacon Roseville, Minnesota sent that one. And why was wander
Franco hoping to be demoted by the Rays?
Speaker 3 (38:25):
Well, he loves the minor league.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
Yes, he's a big fan of miners. He still wishes
he was in the miners. Apparently he was in the miners.
Uh yeah, all right. Here, did you hear that wander
Franco pulled his groin this week?
Speaker 3 (38:39):
I did not hear that. That's unfortunate.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
He's hoping it's just a minor injury.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
Yet he is.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Cynical. Uh, here we go. Last one. Why would wander
Franco be the most unhittable pitcher in baseball any Why
because he changes pitch speeds very well. His stuff can
touch the mid nineties to the low teens. Say it's Alex,
the cynical lame jokes off the week. Thanks, we've been
Hello and welcome. It's our name Birth three. It's the
lame Jokes of the Week hour. Also, this hour we
go to pro bouncy Ball. Is it true that the
NBA has all but confirmed that Dame Lillard will be
traded to Miami? Is it going to happen? Also, how
(00:23):
did you interpret how did you interpret the Kevin McHale comments,
the Celtic legend on James Harden? And what did you
think of Johnny Manzell's revelation in the podcast one of
the great revelations I've seen in a documentary about a
football player. Explain what it is. We'll get to that
and much more right now here, it is our three.
(00:46):
It's just a schedule. There's nothing more to it. That's it,
well kind of there is Welcome. In the beginning of
another hour of the Ben Malors Show. We are in
the a everywhere with bull dust as we attempt to
make a dent, but not there, somewhere else, coast to coast,
(01:09):
port of the border and beyond all the vast and
wonderfully powerful microphones of FSR amminating live from the roller
driving that steamroller around the radio dial. We are broadcasting
live from the tyrack dot com Studios. Tyrack dot com
will help you get there an unmatched selection, fast, free shipping,
(01:34):
free road hazard protection, and over ten thousand recommended installers.
Ty rack dot com the way tire buying should be
in ear lead this hour. Coming from the calendar app
on your phone. Pro Bouncy Ball released the much Ballyhood
(01:55):
regular season schedule. Denver will come eight their championship and
they get to hang out with the Lizard person, Adam Silver,
half Man, half Alien. He will be in Colorado for
opening night October twenty fourth, so a week before Halloween.
The NBA will open up and the Nuggets will get
(02:19):
their first win of the year against the Lakers that night,
and it's the first of I know you're excited about this.
Twelve hundred and thirty regular season NBA games. Now, the
league released eighty games of the schedule. There are two
other games that will be decided later because they got
this Fugeesi round robin tournament that they're they're putting out there.
But the second game on opening night has Golden State
(02:42):
and Phoenix. Phoenix visiting Golden State, so Chris Paul, assuming
he's not hurt, will be coming off the bench in
that game. The NBA big shots made a big to
do about maximizing player rest and limiting travel demands when
they release the schedule. Uh, And I guess I'm becoming
(03:04):
that jaded schmuck. But I thought that's so embarrassing to
how it used to be in sport. And I guess
everyone's okay with it, and I'm on the on the
wrong side of history apparently. But I was raised that
athletic competition sports is supposed to be a war of attrition.
And when I started covering basketball early, I was a kid,
(03:27):
you know, I was a young guy when I started,
and the old timers would brag about how they had
to play three nights in a row, and they flew
commercial and they'd go from San Diego to San Antonio
and then they'd have to go on to New Orleans
because that was when the Jazz were in New Orleans,
and they wore like a badge of honor. And now
(03:48):
we've gotten so far the opposite direction. Okay, we're so
far in the opposite direction that now the league itself
is patting itself on the back and saying, I would
like a gold star near my name because we're gonna
make it as easy as possible for the players, and
we're gonna have as much player rest and limited travel.
(04:10):
The funniest thing about this is it won't matter. Like
you can cut down on air miles and extend the
rest and the players are still gonna Malinger. It's in
the DNA of the teams. They encourage it. The agents,
the reps, the massage therapists, the personal chefs, the helpers.
They encourage it. So it's not gonna stop. So it's
(04:33):
a futile effort, is what it is. Now, that being
one point of conversation. The other part of this what
I want to get into. Some are claiming that after
the schedule was let out that Dame Lillard's future has
been decided by the NBA schedule release. So I don't
(04:53):
if you saw this or not, maybe not to let
us discuss the question, is it true that the end
has all but confirmed that Dame Lillard will be traded
to Miami this NBA season? And I am nodding my head, yes,
Why well, look at the evidence. I've got guillotine confectionery
(05:18):
and seeing eye dog. So to answer the question, is
it true the NBAS confirmed Dame Lillard being traded to Miami. Yes,
professional sports is a TV show. It's almost completely scripted reality.
Some would say it is if you ask Tim Donnie
contrived storylines, human drama. We like it, we watch. We
(05:38):
like the playoffs more than the regular season. But that's
all the prologue. One NBA schedule quirk stood out like
an infected flame, throbbing thumb with pus oozing out of it.
The Portland Trailblazer Portland Trailblazers play one game on TNA
(06:01):
next season. That one game is a home game in Portland.
The road team, the Miami Heat ding ding ding ding
ding ding ding ding. Yes, February twenty seventh is the
date that happens. Also coincide a few days after the
(06:24):
trade deadline in the NBA. You can see it now.
Ernie Johnson, Charles Barkley, Shaquille O'Neal on the set. Dame
Lillard returns to Portland tonight. Big headline there, Charles Barkley
goofing on the Blazers and shack massaging Dame Lillard. You
(06:48):
see the whole thing. Playoff. There's no other reason to
put that game on television. It's as subtle as having
your head placed under a guillotine. The Blazers are expected
to royally stink their season will be over by the
time November fifteenth comes around, and you're gonna put them
(07:08):
on a national televised game in mid actually late February.
Why would you do that? The only reason you would
do that is for raw emotion. The schedule goons the
TV overlords. They expect the Dame train jut to ride
back down the Oregon Trail, and they'll have an army
(07:30):
of hundreds of cameras to document everything for posterity sake.
A ninety five percent chance that that happens. It's a
dead giveaway again, dead giveaway in the schedule. Now. Secondly,
our next stop is China. You see James Harden. This
story is still got like James Harden has been playing
footsie with the communist country there. He's been genuflecting. I
(07:54):
had a guy email me. You can tell this guy's
an old timer because I don't think this is quite
the same. But he's like he's the Hanoy Jane of
the NBA, you know. I said, well, I don't think
it's the same analogy, but I like your efforts, sir,
but anyway, this guy's been selling shoes and wine. He's
been flirting with the People's Republic of China and also
(08:15):
unloading on Darryl Morey, the rotund GM in Philadelphia. And
now there is pushback from a Boston Celtic legend, Kevin McHale.
Kevin McHale Celtic great, So he didn't hear what he
had to say. Maybe not. McHale called out James Harden
for being fat and getting him fired after benching him
(08:39):
in the twenty fifteen playoffs. Unfortunately, that was the game
I happened to be at. Now here's what Michael said.
He said the next year, he meaning Harden, came to camp,
he was fat and didn't feel like playing, and I
got fired eleven games into the season. He had a plan.
(08:59):
Close quote. So the question on this one, how did
you interpret the Kevin mckill comments on James Harden. So
these are self explanatory. Mckill did not mince his words.
He did not leave anything to the imagination. You know,
like a bikini leave stuff to the imagination. But if
you're naked, you see all the goodies. Yeah, that's the
(09:20):
same thing. This is nakedness and when he was coaching
the Rockets, McHale benched James Harden in a playoff game
against the Clippers where the Rockets were getting blown out
going to the fourth quarter and it was the backups.
And this has to have humiliated James Harden so much
that Josh Smith and Corey Brewer took that game over
(09:44):
against the Clippers and then led the Rockets back and
they got to the Western Conference Finals because of that.
And Harden sat there on the bench sulky, and McHale's like, Hey,
I wanted, you know, I was running a little confectionery
and I wanted James Harden to enjoy a little bit, small,
little sampler spoon of French vanilla. And instead Harden ended
(10:04):
up eating all of the Rocky Road ice cream. And
so McHale's come back. He's used the atomic elbow. But
is there anyone right now who is more in bed
in American sport with China in the last week than
James Harden. We love China, We love everything you know
they're about. Yeah, And that's my guy right there, James.
(10:27):
He's talking about playing in China now, and how would
that work? The The NBA has deals with a lot
of the international basketball community where if a player is
contractually obligated to play in the NBA, they can't play
anywhere else. You think those rules apply in China. Like
if James Harden said, yeah, you know, I want to
go play in Beijing, I want to get one of
(10:49):
those museums like Stefan Marbury had. What if he did it?
What would the NBA do? Would he assume? They probably
put his contract, they didn't bargo his contract, But what
would Harden care? He'd make more money in China? All right?
Final thought China. Yeah, I'm sure we'll talk more about China,
(11:10):
but we're gonna pivot the college football. So by request,
by request, watched the Netflix doc about Johnny football recently.
So what did you think if you saw it? I
saw it? What do you think of the Johnny Manziel
Book of Revelations? There was one big takeaway as someone
(11:32):
that did sports radio talked about Johnny Manziel a lot,
and if you listen to the show, I am guilty
as charged. I was on the money train with Johnny Manziel.
I was buying all the bull crap. I was totally
in on him. I loved the story. I loved the Rasmataz,
the money sign, all that crap. I loved it all.
I couldn't not get enough of Johnny Manziel. But my
(11:56):
big takeaway is what an absolute maestro. Johnny Manziel's buddy
is one of the great revelations I've seen in a
sports documentary. When Johnny Manziel got caught wearing Rolex watches,
wearing designer clothes, driving high end automobiles that were worth
hundreds of thousands of dollars, flying in private jets to Miami,
(12:20):
in Vegas while playing at Texas A and m the
NCAA said, you can't do that, and this is in
the days before the nil and so they came down
on Menzel. They investigated him, and according to this documentary,
his buddy, this guy called Uncle Nate, cooked up one
of the great hum dingers of an alibi that I've
(12:43):
ever seen. To think this worked, and people's oh, you're
supposed to believe these stories, and we bought it, we
repeated it, we heard it. We thought, Okay, this guy
cooked up the story that Johnny Manziel came from old
oil money, that his family was loaded. Turns out Manure
(13:04):
Bullpucky as Jay Scoop in the Ukraine would say it
was not true. His family didn't come from old oil money.
He was a small town Texas guy. He was a
party boy, a frat boy. He didn't have any money,
not you know, maybe middle class money. He didn't have
aristocrat money. His family didn't small town Texas guy. Didn't matter.
(13:24):
That guy sold the story. Uncle Nate and everyone, all
the suckers, yours truly included, repeated it sim salabim abrakadabra.
It was like spoon bending. Now not only did the
media get hornswaggles, but who cares? Everyone rips the media,
but country bumpkins from the NCAA. You want to know
(13:46):
how pathetic the nc double A is that they needed
a seeing eye dog because they had inintentional blindness there
that they actually could have snooped around and figured out
whether Manziell's family actually had old oil money. They clearly
didn't do their due diligence. Nobody investigated in any further.
(14:09):
Manziel got away with. He was going around signing autographs
in Miami, Vegas, Washington, DC for thousands and thousands of
dollars in straight cash, and then he had to find
a way to get rid of the money. And because
you know cash, you got to find a way to
launder it. Yeah, I'm so great. I'm so grateful to Mob.
(14:33):
When they were getting rid of the money, they went
with laundromats. What if they had gone with like donut shops,
what would be saying these days you have to donut
the money and say launder the money, because they were
the Mob was putting money in laundromats, in the laundromat
business to get rid of it. Anyway. It is the
Ben Mahlor Show. If you would like to be part
eight seven seven ninety nine on Fox. We got lame
(14:57):
Jokes of the Week coming up later in the hour.
We'll take your phone call though, up until then at
eight seven, seven ninety nine on Fox Time. Now for
the mallor riddle of the day, and here it is,
We'll go to the world of tennis. Why because I
think it's kind of funny. There's a Greek tennis star
name Stefanos Sitsifas, but that's quite the name. He was
(15:17):
distracted by a female fan who would not stop blanking.
All right, and again tennis star from Greece says he
was His name is Stefanos. He was distracted by a
female fan who would not stop blanking. And that is
the Malor riddle of the day. The answer, We'll get
(15:38):
to it. We'll do it next.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Maller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Join the curious world of the Ben Mahler Show online.
It is pain free and easy to do. Just follow
your host on Twitter. He's at Ben Mallor and you
can tweet it and follow our technical producer. He is
from Iowa and his name is Sam and he's at
Iowa Sam ninety nine man Starman, and I'll lie from
(16:12):
the tire rack dot Com. Fox Sports Radio Studios. It's
Ben Mallor Tyer fay off.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
E Mallor Riddle of the day. And here's the Mallor
riddle of the day. There's a Greek tennis star. His
name is Stefanos. I will not attempt to pronounce his
last name again. H Anyway, he was distracted by a
female fan recently who would not stop blanking. Got very
upset by this female fan. Late night truck tester says
(16:43):
she brought her milkshake to the yard. Yes, that clearly
was the problem, a Fergcat says for constantly saying what
a handsome man Brian Finley is. Now, ferg Cat, you're
gonna get banned from X again. You can't put revenge
porn of Brian Finley he on the internet like that.
I mean, you can't put that smut. That's a tell
Brian to put some clothes on. Dude. That's ugly with
(17:03):
that photo him. I want to go puke, Asher says,
building a Lego Millennium falcon, juggling his tennis balls from
Fenley's funhouse account, spending his money guessed by Dante. Dante
sounds like he's been through a few marriages. Who else
do we have? Punching her Brian Fenley fat head from
(17:24):
the clam mimicking Maria Sharapova's grunts, distracted by her ball
washing from the Sawman Kathy and Madison. I think I
don't know if we're gonna read that one on there. Kathy, Well,
we love you, Kathy. Who else do we have? She
kept barking like a dog from Callaghan Tim doing sign language.
(17:44):
Fudgie says to a lot of Brian Finley references because
a pitcher and a hitcher. Yes, it's such a smooth
man as a broadcaster, sucking on a big gulp from
seven to eleven. According to Orange and Blue Blood Brett,
who else do we have? She would not stop asking
(18:04):
him about his car's extended warranty. According to Trucker Joe
peeling his banana from Robbie the Mariner fan, she kept
yelling I love John Stamos from Kenneth the sports Lama
uh Nick in Wisconsin says, moaning sexually that she was
doing that. Mason the Millennial says that this guy was
(18:28):
distracted by a woman giving birth in the crowd, chipping
the CU's got it right, soded a couple of other people, Eddie.
Do you have the answer here, Eddie?
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Yes, he was distracted because she kept trying to pronounce
his last name.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
Do you know how his last name any ciphus I
almost got it right to Yeah, that's it, Cityphus, that's
his name. Why are you laughing? You know you laugh
that's the best thing.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
Reason.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
It's t s I T s I p A s we.
Speaker 3 (19:00):
We had Petros pronounce it on the two Show, and.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
He was like really good a couple of years ago, right,
and tennis, I don't know tennis.
Speaker 3 (19:08):
I mean, as far as I know, he's still pretty good.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Okay, good for him. The answer is that this woman
would not state stop making b noises. She kept making
be noises, and this guy Stefinals, got so upset he
confronted the woman.
Speaker 3 (19:24):
During the match, so she was buzzing.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
She would not stop imitating a bee. There's video of
it if you want on the internet, you can find there.
But yeah, I thought tennis players were supposed to block
out the distractions and the noise and all that. No,
they're not. Apparently, they're like they're like golfers where they're annoyed.
And yeah, we years ago we played audio played audio
(19:48):
from one of those tennis female tennis matches and the
weld grunning. Yeah, and if out of context audio dy y,
you would not know what you're listening to. You would
think you might be listening to something else. You can
use your imagine what might you be. I don't know,
maybe some child birth or maybe the act of creating
(20:11):
child birth. I don't know. I have no idea, but anyway, yeah, hey,
well I'm gonna take some calls, My board is being
reset while we wait for that Football fans, that would
be you. The return of our very popular Saturday and
Sunday pregame shows, Countdown to Kickoff, presented by our friends
at bet MGM, returns this weekend. How crazy is that?
(20:31):
Be sure to tune into Fox Sports Radio every single
Saturday and Sunday morning, so tomorrow and then Sunday, uh
three hours before kickoff from now all the way through
Super Bowl Sunday in February. Crazy? How is that? Now?
On Saturdays you got Brian Num, star of the No Show,
a former Penn State All American, Rich Ortenberger, I know
(20:54):
him as a San Diego legend and Hornie Yeah. And
betting analyst Jared Smith will walk you right up to
college football's kickoffs, and then on NFL Sunday, Brian No
back again. Eight year NFL veteran Jeff Schwartz, may the
Schwartz be with you, and professional vetter Bill crack Krackenberger
will lead you right up to the yearly or earlier
(21:17):
I think not yearly, but early NFL kickoffs, So all
NFL season you can listen to countdown to Kickoff Saturday
and Sunday each weekend morning starting Saturday. Right here, that's
tomorrow on Fox Sports Radio and the iHeart Radio apps.
So if you're up early doing those that crap you
gotta do around the house, you know, you try to
get that out of the way, so you watch your football.
(21:39):
That's you. Just put that radio on boom, you get
the iHeart app on the back. You're ready to go.
Let's go to the Wild Eyed Southern Boy. Hello, wild
Eye Southern Boy.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
What's going on?
Speaker 1 (21:51):
B wait, wait, wait a minute, Yeah, Eddie, it isn't right.
Speaker 4 (22:00):
Off his thirst Scratch Office dead. Okay, let's get over
that and let it go. Sirch scratch Off is dead.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
Okay, how did he die? First?
Speaker 4 (22:10):
Scratch Office had a bad few months and I finally
got Katara and and and and and uh what's his name?
What's his name? Oh my god, Eddie, I messenger, Eddie,
tell him what happened a couple of a couple of
weeks ago. I've been going through a bad deal with
my body. Okay, it wasn't funny. Okay, it wasn't funny.
(22:31):
It off. I cried, I got mad at God and
I don't do that. And I supposedly was supposed to
have stomach cancer. You heard, I heard you a little
thing you said right after I got off the air
that one night, two weeks ago. You said, all, he'll
have to come back with a story. Well, this little
story wasn't happy, it wasn't funny. But we found out
(22:52):
what it really is now and I'm happy at least
it's over with. But that's what caused me to be
such a bad person. I was scared to this. All
I've told you before and all you have to listen.
If you want to laugh at me, if you want
to wish it would have happened, I'm sorry. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
No one's wishing. I mean there's some losers that will
pretend laugh, but they don't really believe it.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
I just got cussed like a doll from one of
your moun militias, from somebody who cares. What do you?
Speaker 3 (23:18):
What do you?
Speaker 1 (23:18):
You don't know these people? What are you worried about them?
Speaker 4 (23:20):
This?
Speaker 1 (23:20):
You got it. If you're gonna be a public figure,
you're gonna be a celebrity overnight radio call And you
know the kind of power of celebrity overnight radio caller
has here wild Eye, So you have to take some criticism. Listen,
Poppy gets ripped all the time, Andre gets ripped. These
guys still call up every night because they know they're
on a mission. And you got to be able to
take it. Because I'm telling you, so we have to
(23:41):
call you wild eyed Southern Boy?
Speaker 4 (23:43):
Now?
Speaker 1 (23:43):
Is that your new name?
Speaker 4 (23:45):
I take it because of all what was going on?
Speaker 1 (23:48):
He why'd you block me on Twitter? Though?
Speaker 4 (23:51):
That's that's something I had. Few people you mess me
and say, hey man, what's going on? Message? And I'm like,
I don't know what's going on? Even some I thank you,
thank you name, Oh my god. But anyway, I got
to do it one right now, And I said, I
don't I'm gonna find out, but I ain't had time
to look my phone because I got you on hold.
I'm trying to call your show. I got Twitter because
(24:11):
of your show.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
Okay, okay, listen, listen. First of all, shut up, I
take a breath. I listen. I'm happy that you got
apparently some some good news. Right, that's good news.
Speaker 4 (24:21):
You got to I had pitched. I had pitched my
stomach and they said, even as small as some of
our seat or not something with strawberry seat. We'll get
in that stuff. It make me, it hurts, but no.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
I hear it, I hear you. Well, it's good. Listen.
Let me tell you. Every time I've had a mealth problem,
I'm convinced I'm about to die. But it sounds like
you really had something where they you could have gone
either way. So that's great news. That's a wonderful mitzvah
for you. We're happy for you now.
Speaker 4 (24:48):
Unblocked a small time man. You know, I've been on
it for a long time and I respect all these drivers.
It was a driver that cust me. But like I said,
I don't care because I gotta go on.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Oh you do care, You do care. You're offended by that,
which is fine. It's a natural human reaction. But you
got to get some thick skin because I get ripped
all the time. And I, uh, you know, just what
I do is I mute them. That way you don't
see the comments. That's what I do, and they can
they can say whatever they want. I don't see them.
Speaker 4 (25:13):
I blocked the driver, and I don't block people very
much at all. I love back up, you know, and stuff.
And I blocked this uh uh Joe or whatever his
name is, the trucker.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
You know, well, he's you know, he's a truck driver.
He's got the language of a tructors. I gotta go.
I'm happy.
Speaker 4 (25:31):
I'm gonna go through here. I'm blocking. I'm gonna find
out if.
Speaker 1 (25:35):
You're you're definitely blocking me. But that's fine. I don't
I'm you don't have to unblock me if you don't
want to, It's all right.
Speaker 4 (25:39):
I want to because I like to kill the show.
I try to send jokes, I try to ask being
I try to do this and do that. I'm not
a Twitter person. I got it because your show, because
all the people act.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
I gotta go. It's gonna take me a while to
not call you some scratch off, so I'll have to
figure out how I'm gonna do that. Okay, thank you.
Well that's interesting phone call.
Speaker 5 (26:03):
Can you look at his profile picture on Twitter? He
looks almost exactly like the actor Clancy Brown.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
That's a random he's a non secutar.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
Be sure to catch live editions of The Ben Meller
Show weekdays at two am Eastern eleven pm Pacific.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
Hey, it's me Rob Parker.
Speaker 6 (26:22):
Check out my weekly MLB podcast Inside the Parker for
twenty two minutes of piping hot baseball talk featuring the
biggest names of newsmakers in the sport. Whether you believe
in analytics or the I Test, we've got all the
bases covered.
Speaker 7 (26:38):
New episodes drop every Thursday, So do yourself a favor
and listen to Inside the Parker with Rob Parker on
the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcast.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
And back to you major League Baseball for this. Congratulations
to Tim Anderson, Chicago White Sox shorts time. Remember he
appealed that six game suspension after getting into a fight
with Cleveland's Rosier Ramirez. His suspension was reduced from six
games too five games. That one game back, though, will
make all the difference.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
And coming up at the top of the hourlready we
will microanalyze the apology, which was quite the apology from
Tim Anderson. He posted on social media.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
No I can't wait to hear that.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Yeah, yeah, interesting apologies. So we'll have that coming up
a little bit later. Thank you for that, Eddie. It
is the Ben Malors Show. As we continue on through
these overnight hours, we're about to laugh our asses off.
Oh we're gonna laugh this portion of the show brought
to you by Progressive Insurance. Progressive makes bundling easy and affordable.
Get a multi policy discount by combining your motorcycle, RV, boat,
(27:37):
ATV and more. That's all your protection in one place.
Bundle and save where that's right, Ding ding ding ding ding. Yes,
Progressive dot com. You know that. See that come. That's
why we do that commercial so often, so you remember it.
Marcell's got it memorized. Marcel in the morning, he's likely
(27:57):
gonna call up next out from the streets of Brooklyn.
But let's strike up the band. Iowa, Sam, here we go.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
Knock knock, who's there? Blame week?
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Blame week too.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
It's Big Ben's lame joke of the week.
Speaker 1 (28:18):
Is your actual joke sitting by actual listeners of the show.
You guys have been great. I was away last week
on a trip to the Northeast, but I am back
and ready to go here and the joke writers have
come through yet again. Thank you. We want to send
jokes in. If you think you're funny and you think
you can make other people laugh, you want to send
a joke in, It's free to do it. We don't
(28:38):
pay you, but we might make a joke famous. We'll
make your joke famous on the air. Email Ben Malors
Show at gmail dot com. Is weed Man there? By
the way, Cooper Loop is he online? Okay? Hello weed Man?
Speaker 4 (28:53):
Hi, Hey Dan, I love you. Say hello Lisa?
Speaker 1 (28:58):
Hi Lisa. No, there she is the lovely.
Speaker 3 (29:03):
An amazing.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
What a romance. It's like Romeo and Juliet. Romeo and Juliet,
weed Man and Lisa. What they should write up. They
should make a movie about you too. Yeah, all night,
Lisa tried. Lisa tries to sleep and you wake her up.
It's fascinating the relationship that you have. It's amazing. Yes, uh,
all right, everything, all right, weed Man in your world.
(29:26):
We haven't talked you in a couple of weeks. Here.
Weed Man lives in Miami. Is one of our characters
on the show and at one pick, at one point
we were gonna do Benny and the weed Man, but
we decided, you know, we moved on from that, right.
Speaker 4 (29:38):
Yeah, No, I I know, I know, I know.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
All right, Well here we go. Uh, let's get the
party started. Did you hear that Lizzo was caught making
or taking a smoke break during her concert?
Speaker 3 (29:54):
I did not hear that.
Speaker 1 (29:55):
Yeah, she was got taking a smoke break during her concert.
She was caught smoking a pig. Quite shocking. That's a
good joke. Alex the Cynical from Houston. Houston area sent
that one in what do you call Lizzo and some
killer whales doing a streaming talk show?
Speaker 3 (30:17):
I don't know what do you call that?
Speaker 1 (30:19):
You call that a pod cast? That is what you
call that? That's that's a Morton in Tacoma. What does
it mean if Lizzo can see the top of Washington's head?
Speaker 3 (30:33):
That sound?
Speaker 1 (30:35):
I don't know we met? Are you making a weird sound?
Speaker 3 (30:39):
Like some kind of buzzing?
Speaker 1 (30:41):
What does it mean if Lizzo can see the top
of Washington's head?
Speaker 3 (30:45):
Uh? Like the tire rat commercial? I don't know what
does it mean?
Speaker 1 (30:48):
It means that Washington is eating a banana apparently is
what it means. I guess I don't know what that means.
That's Chip and Maine who sent that one in what
what was the what was the first thing Lizzo did
on an ice date?
Speaker 3 (31:02):
I don't know what did you do?
Speaker 1 (31:03):
She broke the ice eddie? She tracked it right there? Uh.
Eric in Kansas sent that one in What happened when
the banana saw Lizzo?
Speaker 3 (31:13):
I don't know what happened the banana split.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Have you seen the news, Eddie Kamas?
Speaker 3 (31:18):
Let's uh did we lose wee.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Man econ Roseville, Minisot? Is we men gone?
Speaker 3 (31:27):
Oh? You're still there?
Speaker 1 (31:28):
You didn't think that was funny?
Speaker 3 (31:29):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (31:29):
What's the only all right? What's the only cake that
Lizzo does not like the taste of uh urinal cake? Oh?
You've heard that joke before. That's Surfer Toalk the Comedian.
That's a recite. We've had that for Doc Mike. Haven't
we had that for Doc Mike? By the way, big news,
(31:52):
Surfer Todd the comedian and his lovely wife will be
joining us at the mallor meet greeting. So you want
to meet surfer to the Comedian, you can go out
and meet him. I don't think ferg Dog is going
to be there. He has to he has to polish
Brian Finley's shoes. I don't think he'll be there, Unfortunately.
Did you know that Lizzo is bilingual?
Speaker 3 (32:11):
I did not know that.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
Yeah, she's fluent in pig Latin. That's also a Surfer
Todd Server Todd the comedian, did hear some some troubling
news here? Lizzo has a new belly ring. Belly ring,
it's a new belly ring, is that right? Yeah? But
you know she was trying to use a hula hoop
but he got stuck apparently. So yeah, so k w
(32:37):
any any jokes, Coop?
Speaker 3 (32:39):
Not yet?
Speaker 1 (32:40):
Not yet? Oh you didn't like the ones I sent you?
Didn't you sent me some? Yeah? I sent you.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
Oh I didn't see this. Okay, we'll go over there.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
All right, you have to examine those see if they're
worthy of being broadcast. Here Coop does offensive jokes? What
is something Lizzo cannot do?
Speaker 3 (32:58):
See her feet?
Speaker 1 (32:59):
No, cannot give someone a non fatal lap dance? Impossible?
Speaker 3 (33:05):
That?
Speaker 1 (33:06):
Yeah, we met? Are you on a prison phone?
Speaker 4 (33:08):
We man?
Speaker 1 (33:09):
What is that from prison?
Speaker 3 (33:13):
That is that that woman at the tennis match making
the b noises? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
I don't know what's going on with that. Why does
Lizzo have a crush on Tim Anderson?
Speaker 3 (33:26):
I don't know. Why does she?
Speaker 1 (33:27):
Well she says she loves dropped sack of potatoes like
Tim anders That's all right, Hold on everyone, hold on
there we'll have much more. We'll have the weed Man
Radio Roast. We also have a bunch of wander Franco jokes.
I don't know how many of those are gonna make
the air, but it's Big Ben's Lame Jokes a week.
(33:47):
If you like it, we do it every week at
this time. If you don't like it, we only do
it once a week, So who the hell cares? And
it continues. We'll get to it. Big Ben's Lame Jokes
of the week. More of it next.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
Fox Sports Radio has the best sports talk lineup in
the nation. Catch all of our shows at Foxsports Radio
dot com and within the iHeartRadio app search FSR to
listen live.
Speaker 3 (34:10):
Calling all Malard Militia foot soldiers, we need your helping
hand to gain new recruits. By posting and tagging Mallard
Show related content on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and all social networks.
You are the special ingredient needed to influence others to
join our mysterious nocturnal platoon known as the Ben Mallor
Show at l from the ti rack dot com, Fox
Sports Radio Studios. It's Ben Maller, it is Lame Jokes
(34:34):
a week.
Speaker 1 (34:35):
These are actual jokes from actual listeners of the show.
They have submitted their jokes. Are you there, weed Man? Yeah?
I love you all right, our friend from Miami. Have
you found your teeth yet? Weed Man? No? Please, Joe
Crazy you have you looked for your teeth?
Speaker 3 (34:55):
Man?
Speaker 4 (34:56):
What I know?
Speaker 3 (34:58):
I know why he's too busy to clean it though,
of course.
Speaker 1 (35:03):
Probably right there unless the rats have run away with him. Anyway,
here we go. Why did weed Man dig up John
Wooden's grave?
Speaker 3 (35:14):
I don't know. Why would he do such a thing?
Speaker 1 (35:16):
Disgusting? Apparently he wanted some wooden teeth, Eddie is what?
That's what?
Speaker 3 (35:22):
That could be?
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Sorry, Todd, you've upset him. What do weed Man in
Oregon State athletics have in common?
Speaker 3 (35:32):
Well? Very interesting. I don't know. What does he have
in common with the beavers there?
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Well, they're both homeless, Eddie, they're both homeless there are confienceless,
so I guess you could say there. Why is the
Malard militia outrage that White Sox star Tim Anderson got KOed.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
I don't know why they outraged over then.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Well, they were hoping it would have happened to weed
Man instead. Tony in the Bay Area. Tony had three strikes.
He's out earlier on in the show. You can hear
that on the podcast. What should weed Man's music intro be?
Speaker 3 (36:10):
Hmm, that's a good question. I don't know what should
it be?
Speaker 1 (36:16):
Chip, and Maine says, you two's. I still haven't found
what I'm looking for.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
He's not looking for it.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
That's the problem. And I mean it's a good song, Chip,
but he's not really looking for it. What is weed
Man's favorite cookie?
Speaker 3 (36:34):
Favorite cookie? I don't know.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
He loves poos. He's a big fan of poros. He's
eating some right now. Noah from Austin or Noah in
Austin said that, thank you.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
No.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
This is the next one comes from Hillbilly Mike. How
do you end a party at a trailer park?
Speaker 3 (36:58):
I don't know how to end it.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
You simply flush the punch bowl away. That's all you
have to do there, Eddies, flush that away? And any jokes?
Speaker 5 (37:10):
Cooper, what do you call Lizzo after a gender reassignment surgery?
I don't know, trans fat.
Speaker 1 (37:28):
Who wrote that joke?
Speaker 3 (37:29):
That's from Chip Maine?
Speaker 1 (37:30):
Oh Man, all right, the chipster Man. I want some
wander Franco jokes?
Speaker 3 (37:37):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (37:40):
Why why isn't wander Franco worried about being suspended.
Speaker 3 (37:45):
I don't know. Why would he not be worried about that?
Speaker 1 (37:47):
Well, according to Andrea in Berkeley, it's very difficult to
get accurate birth dates in ages of Dominican people. So
there's nothing to worry about. There any nothing to worry about,
Chip Chip in Maine. True, I guess, Oh, oh boy,
what kind of art adorns wander Franco's home?
Speaker 3 (38:09):
Oh? I don't know what kind of art does he have?
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Yeah, he's got his girlfriend's finger paintings on the wall.
Deacon Roseville, Minnesota sent that one. And why was wander
Franco hoping to be demoted by the Rays?
Speaker 3 (38:25):
Well, he loves the minor league.
Speaker 1 (38:26):
Yes, he's a big fan of miners. He still wishes
he was in the miners. Apparently he was in the miners.
Uh yeah, all right. Here, did you hear that wander
Franco pulled his groin this week?
Speaker 3 (38:39):
I did not hear that. That's unfortunate.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
He's hoping it's just a minor injury.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
Yet he is.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Cynical. Uh, here we go. Last one. Why would wander
Franco be the most unhittable pitcher in baseball any Why
because he changes pitch speeds very well. His stuff can
touch the mid nineties to the low teens. Say it's Alex,
the cynical lame jokes off the week. Thanks, we've been
Host
Ben Maller
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