October 19, 2025 • 36 mins
Ben Maller & Danny G. Radio have Mail Bag fun for your Sunday! All questions sent in by new listeners & P1's of the #MallerMilitia! Download, subscribe, and remember that sharing is caring (unless it's an STD.) Follow Danny G. @DannyGradio and Ben on Twitter @BenMaller and listen to the original terrestrial radio edition of "Ben Maller Show," Monday-Friday on Fox Sports Radio, 2a-6a ET, 11p-3a PT!...Follow, rate & review "The Fifth Hour!"
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Kutbooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to the Clearinghouse
of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth
(00:23):
Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
Mahler and Danny g Radio and a happy NFL Sunday.
The Audio Sweatshop does not stop. We had a very
sporty edition of this podcast yesterday. I must Danny take
(00:49):
a shower. We can't do all sporty all the time.
Fortunately we have the mailbag today and we have football.
The Lrims and the Jacksonville a couple of four and
two teams. Don't like the London game, Danny, I don't these.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Are but London actually gets a couple of decent teams
to watch.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
In theory. The Rams don't have Puka Nakuah. Your Raiders
play the Chiefs. That should not be a very competitive game.
Unfortunately they well, we'll see who knows. That's that's why
they play the games, that's why they People.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Have said that in past matchups between those two and
Max Crosby's all over Mahomes and Kermit goes down and
Max has another sack and the Raiders intercept Mahomes and
run it back pick six. Remember that from Jack Jones. Yeah,
Christmas a couple of years back. But you're right. Usually
it's just the Chiefs beating up on the Raiders.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Well, Gino can not throw an interception then, yet shot
to at least.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Keep it cute. It'll just limit it to one turnover, Gino,
just one, just one.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Just we're at that point.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Just one.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Based on records the Rams Jaguars game as mentioned, what
else is Colts Chargers also record wise five and one.
Chargers are four and two with Sunday night, what do
we have the Niners tonight? Yeah, Niners and Falcons.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Falcons had a big win over the Bills. Though, are
they for real or was that a mirage?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Well, normally what the Atlanta Falcons have done is they
get a big win, then they come back and drop
a deuce their next game. So we'll see if they
do that here.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
I'm looking to lose to the Panthers thirty to nothing.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Yeah, we got two Monday night football games tomorrow, the
game Tampa and Detroit. I'm looking forward to that. That's tomorrow, though,
that's not that is going to be good. I guess
Eagles Vikings not terrible. That's not a terrible matchup. Eagles
and Vikings.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Eagles need to rebound and the Lions need to rebound
as well.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Absolutely, those are some of the games today. But let's
get to the mailbag. And that means, Ohio, al can
you please get me in the mood?
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Ohio, Yeah, no more sports talk, man, It's.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
All right, thank you. Yes, we got to get away
from the sports talk. We're ruining our reputation on the
Fifth Hour podcast. So Jake in Toledo, the Jake, it says,
the Jake in Toledo. He writes in these are actual
letters by actual listeners to the show. People have sent
their letters in care of Real fifth Hour at gmail
dot com. Has Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com.
(03:39):
And Jake writes and says, hey, Ben and Danny, did
you hear that Tigers play by play announcer Dan Dickerson's
hot mike incident following the a l D s Yes,
that was great. He did not want to do the
postgame thing that he had to do. And yeah, yeah,
he says.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
To this is even necessary.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Yeah, he says, do either you have any memorable hot
mic incidents of your own or any favorites you've heard
on a hockey season onto hockey season. Let's go red
wings from Jake in Toledo. So there have been many
wonderful hot mic situations. You actually appreciate this, Jake. So
(04:19):
when I was doing vocal radio in La, the Angels
had a broadcaster named Mario and Pemba who became a
Detroit Tigers broadcaster. And it was an Angels spring training
game and they were starting the spring training broadcast and
things got completely messed up. Somebody hit the wrong button.
(04:41):
Mario and Pemble's trying to talk, there's music playing, He's
trying to scream over the music. It's just a total mess.
And in a live mic, he says, this is I
forget exactly what he said. It was like a cluster
F but he didn't say F. And it was broadcast
asked on the air, and so I, through sources I
(05:03):
will not reveal even though the statute of limitations as
went out. I got my hands on a copy of
this audio and we played it on the radio, and
you know, this is before social media and all. That
we played it on the radio was hilarious, and we
actually got a cease and desist letter from the Angels
in Major League Baseball because they were apparently that was
MLB properties and we were not allowed to.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
But it was hilarious. You were saying the Angels were
even little bitches back then.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
I'm just saying they did not appreciate they did not
appreciate the comedic value of that. There was an incident
at Fox Sports Radio. We were doing the Blitz me
and Tom Looney on a Sunday, which was a seven
hour day of radio. I think it was seven I
We started at ten in the morning, ten eleven, twelve,
(05:52):
one to the Yeah, we went to seven hours, went
to four o'clock, did seven hours of radio and one
of our engineers, I will not name the person, but
he was not always the most meticulous danny at his job,
so he also had kind of a limp. So not
(06:14):
that that matters, but just made the story right. Because
we were we were doing the show, we go to
a commercial time out, our engineer kind of hobbles down
the hall to go get some water. We were in
the old studio, and five minutes later we see him
(06:36):
hobbling and like trying to run because apparently he had
left our microphones on. And myself and Tom liked to
gossip a lot about the radio, and we were on
the whole time in the background, like and he was.
It was Unfortunately we weren't like right on the you know,
(06:57):
the mics are on, but you're not.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
Yeah, you were just faintly heard in the background.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Yes, yes, And thank god we could only be faintly heard,
because if you we could actually be heard, that would
have been the end of my broadcasting career. That and
Looney as well, that would have been the end of it.
But yeah, that was That was famous.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
I mean this, it did.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
There have been a bunch a lot of it's recorded stuff.
Bill O'Reilly. You know, I'll do We'll do a live,
I'll do a live you know that thing a cy
case I'm sick and coming in upbeat song and I
gotta do a dead dog. I gotta do a dog
a dedication about a dead dog.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
You know.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
That's so good, so so freaking good. But yeah, stuff happens.
You know, it's live radio, all right. Next up on
the mailbag, Kevin in Minneapolis writes in he says, Uh,
there have been multiple reports of a creepy clown or
clowns harassing residents in Cloquette, Minnesota, says, but the police
(08:01):
here locally have not been able to figure out what's
going on. He says, according to the media here, locals
have reported on social media seeing clowns that were armed
with knives. However, the police department has found no suspects
or anything. And so Kevin says, Ben and Danny, could
(08:23):
this be where Hayes from Minnesota lives. That's from Kevin
in Minneapolis. So this guy, I don't know if you
know Hayes case is a guy that works at a
cemetery in Minnesota and calls up every so often and
sounds like a guy that may or may not have
partaken in some kind of sadistic rituals involving human sacrifice.
(08:46):
So what do you want me to do, Kevin? Doesn't
the clown thing pop up every couple of years in
some town, Danny, where there's like weird clown sightings. Oh
my gosh, yeah, it's not not that unusual. Mike from
SoCal in Orange writes and says, hey, bandon, Danny, g
I know you guys both go to Trader Joe's. Whose
side are you on? As Trader Joe's is being sued
(09:08):
by Smuckers for ripping off uncrustables? Mike, I support I
support Trader Joe's, he says, And he says, do they
have a case?
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Well?
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah, as you know, Mike, I'm not a lawyer, but
I play one on the radio and podcasting. So they
have a case. You can sue anybody for anything. Now
will they win? That's the question. And here's my problem
with Smuckers on this, Danny. I go to Trader Joe's
at least once a week to get some kind of
crap for dinner or whatever. And I didn't even know
(09:41):
they made these. Now I want to try them, the
Trader Joe's generic brand uncrustables.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
I want that. Yeah, I will say this, I've tried
the Trader Joe's version. You have them not as good
as the Smucker.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Why what is lacking in it?
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Don't Maybe there's more sugar and the Smucker.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
More chemicals, more sugar more.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
Yes, definitely. Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Is the Trader Joe's version cheaper? I would think it would.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
Be cheaper, maybe by just a little bit.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
What is the law on that? Because I know that
if you go to like Walmart or you know, the
cereal business, there's those ripoff serials.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Oh yeah, yeah, the the yellow bag version.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yeah, like so that's allowed? What like this isn't allowed that.
I'm looking at the story here. Mike sent a link
and it's essentially saying the Smucker's argument is that they
took Trader Joe's, used the same color palette and a
similar logo.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Same formula, and they Smuckers claims that they've spent over
a billion dollars developing uncrustables the in the good will
associated with them. The company said in a lawsuit.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Well, ship, come on, I mean, what kind of bull
crap if you spent a billion dollars. Listen, when I
was a kid, we made we made those. I don't
want the crust mom, Okay, I'll cut the crust off.
Boom and crustables was born at the Mallor mansion. Why
didn't my mom get the money? My god, come on,
(11:15):
it's ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Thanks, Mike.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
I do love Trader.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Joe's, though, that's a billion dollar idea. Apparently.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
The only problem I have with Trader Joe's as an
introvert no self checkout. You always have to deal with
somebody at the checkout counter, and it's always some kind of.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Yeah, and they train their employees to talk your air off.
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
It's always like some woman in her thirties has got
like pink or purple hair. Oh, you're having pizza. How
did you figure that out? Because I bought pizza dough
and tomato sauce, and I bought cheese. I wonder how
you figured out I'm having pizza for dinner. My god,
what do you have? You're a psyche.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Brenda told me she was at Trader Joe's the other
day and the checker was like a kid in his
early twenties, and he was asking everybody in line what
they're favorite animal was Wow.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Uh there you go?
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Yeah, yeah, I asked her. I said, did you tell
them a liger?
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (12:10):
It's good.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Yeah. I I recall, Well, mine's the Komodo Dragon. I
like the Komodo dragon. But the uh remember the trade.
We did a story on the fifth Hour podcast about
Trader Joe's and how they train their tellers. They know
when you go up to a Trader Joe's employee and
you ask them about a product, like where a product is,
(12:33):
they'll say, Oh, it's over here, by the way, Have
you tried this? I just started eating. It's really good.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Oh yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
They upsell, but they upsell it in a way where
they make it seem like they're your best friend.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Yeah. One of the checkers told me, oh, I'll show
you where the mayo is. Oh my god, I switched
to it. It's got a lemon flavor to it. And
that's all I use now is our version of mayonnaise. Like, yeah, okay,
I had this, got way too excited about mayo.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
I had the same thing at the It wasn't Traded Jo's.
It was a different grocery store. And there's this specific
salsa that we get. We have Taco Thursday, not Taco Tuesday,
Taco Thursday at the Malory Mansion. So there's a specific
salsa that we love that's our go to salsa. So
and it's pretty expensive and used it used to be.
When we started buying it. It was about three dollars
(13:25):
for container of salsa. Now it's six dollars and forty
cents for the same container of salce. They must have
started putting gold in there. So I get the salsa
and I check out, and this woman's like, oh that's
the Oh that's such good salsah. She's like God, and
she's like she's like waxing poetic loquation. It was like
that she was doing a tribute, a love song to
(13:46):
the salsa. I was like, just calm down, lady, it's
it's just a freaking thing of salcea. It's not that
big a deal. Ferg Dog in Fullerton writes, in that
winder winter Land and we're almost to the point where
we're getting those winter tire rack commercials. We'll get those
in soon. Ferg Dog and Fullerton writes, and he says, hello,
Ben and Danny g I have a follow up question
(14:07):
to the origin story of how you became Ben plastic Man.
That's right, last week we revealed I'm still here. I
survived my crossover. I have a plastic like senses I do.
He says, did you bite off a chunk of the
plastic fork in your mouth? Or did you break apart
or did it break apart in the bowl and you
(14:29):
just kind of scooped up the broken part. Great question
for a dog, good investigative journalism?
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Is it a great question?
Speaker 1 (14:39):
I actually used my powerful chompers and I bit it
off in my mouth. I bit the fork, the piece
of the fork off.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Eating reighty. Who has more impressive chompers? You or Freddie Freeman?
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Freddy's got he should do a dental commercial billboards for
a dentist. Also, Ferg Do says, by the time you
open up the mail bag here I sent this obviously
a couple of days ago, the Dodgers will have swept
the Brewers. Do you think it will be any consolation
prize whatsoever for the brew crew that they won all
(15:16):
six regular season games against the Dodgers? Or do you
think that they're pretty bummed out right now? That's Ferg Dog.
So the series ended on Friday. How many of the
players are in Hawaii, Danny? And how many of the
players are in Cancun? You want to do a breakdown?
Do you have a ven diagram, Danny on where the
Brewer players are on vacations?
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Well, unfortunately your allotted sports talk time has expired.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Okay, we must move on in the broadcast, I'm sorry
for a dog. If you want sporty fifth hour, tune
into Saturday's podcast. It was all sporty, all sporty, all
the time. Eric writes in from Parts Unknown. He says,
a love radio and you and Danny g are great.
It's more personal, more personally, says, get to know you
(16:01):
as a human being, for better or worse. Your challenge,
he says, is to identify the words and idioms of
the week contained herein. It will be difficult for babbling
nimrods like yourselves. So I guess this is a riddle.
I'm gonna say that the Eric know you as a
(16:25):
human being, that's an idiom for better or worse as
an idiom, And that's all I got.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Yeah, I would like to say it's too damn early
in the morning for riddles.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Yeah. I do like the use of nimrod though. It's
a fun word. Nimrod. I should use that word.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
I agree. I like that too, that's a good one.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
I like Dingleberry and Schmendrick. I use those words nimrod.
I need what do you think the most annoying word is?
Speaker 3 (16:50):
They were talking about this in the studio the other day,
your boy the vegan. He he said, I think that
the word moist bothers people the most.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
I have heard people annoyed by the word moist. That
there's people I've come across normally women get very upset
by the word.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Why. I don't know, That's what he was debating with
some people, like, wellhy are women offended by that word
or bothered by that word so much? Well?
Speaker 1 (17:22):
The one when you think of words that bother people
with women, there's a word that starts with a C.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
Danny that I thought, Yeah, yeah, But I mean, how
about words that aren't meant to offend a woman?
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Yeah, moist is a pretty good one. I'm trying to
think off the top of my head. I'm not really bothered.
There's some words I have trouble saying, freak freak like vanilla,
vanilla No. Eddie used to say, I didn't want to
say milk. That was which milk? Oh yeah, milk. It's
(17:59):
the same thing as vanila, the same thing. Yeah, yeah,
he said, you say your eyes as ease.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Sometimes I just want to.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Make sure you're paying attention. That's all I could. I
could come in here and do the King's English. If
I wanted to, but I want to be relatable. I'm
trying to be relatable, Danny. I learned that from the
great Rick D's radio legend, Rick d'z Ricky.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Oh in sa Quon you call him sequon? Yeah, why not?
Speaker 1 (18:24):
But Rick Dz would famously Rick D's would record his
first hour on one oh two point seven Kiss f M.
And he gave me a hallway lesson on how to
record audio. He said, Ben, when I record, if I
make a mistake, I leave it in. And I said,
(18:44):
why would you do that, Rick, You're recording, He says,
when people are listening and they hear a mistake, they
assume that it's live because if it was recorded, you
would take the mistake out. I said, that's right, Rick,
I'm making mistakes on purpose, just to be relatable so
people think it's fresh and live and all that. Next
up is a person did not sign their name. What
(19:07):
a schmuck, it says Ben and Danny. Did you see anonymous?
We'll call the person anonymous. Did you see the NFL
fan find a hack to drive and watch the game
at the same time. So this video went viral on TikTok,
and he sent me a link here, guys driving, he
put his cell phone on the dashboard. He placed the
(19:30):
phone on the dashboard, and then the phone screen reflected
onto the windshield, allowing the man to both look at
the road and watch the Thursday night game.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
This is from the Eagles Giants game Man Ingenuitive.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Yeah, I have a problem with this. I have a
problem with this. My problem is, dude, we have a
way to watch the game and drive. It's called radio.
Just listen to the freaking game on the radio. It's
better anyway radio when done right theater of the mind
a good probably play announced. You don't need to watch
it and drive. Listen to the freaking game on the radio.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
My complaint about that would be I've had the full
Serious XM package before, where I can hear play by play,
but it was too expensive every month, so I cut
the package down and they took my play by play
channels away.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Well, I don't pay for the Serious XM, but I
know that the Monday night and the Thursday night games
are broadcast like here in LA I think they're on
AM eleven fifty I think usually right, So they're on
the radio. You just have to find the station, your
local Westwood one affiliate, and they'll.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
Yeah, you're your old school AM radio, like you get
the search button on your AM.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Anything to save a buck, anything to save a buck, Danny,
I will save. I will go to great lengths to
save Lucky Tony writes in on the mail bag here
on the fifth hour on this NFL Sunday Week seven,
which began back on Thursday with the ben Gals up
adding the Pittsburgh Steiers. Lucky Tony writes and says one
word ground and fucking pound Saints nineteen Bears sixteen. Lucky
(21:08):
Tony says, what was the best style of ball one
of your teams played in any sport? Bash Brothers baseball,
rich gannon air assault, he says, take care of fellas, Bears.
That's from Lucky Tony. So he's talking about style. Yeah,
well the Clippers, listen, they didn't win, but the Lob
City Clippers were. Boy were they fund?
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Man?
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Were they fund? And for me, the Rams. I hate
saying this because I wasn't a Rams fan at the time.
The greatest show on turf in Saint Louis when they
were putting up those huge point totals that Kurt Warner
and Tory Holt and Marshall Falk and they were electric
and unfortuate.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Man, I don't mean to interrupt you, but I hate
to say this, but you're allotted sports talk time. That's expired, right.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
I'm sorry about that. We must move on on the broadcast.
I thank you for that though. Quang rights in from
Ho Chim in Vietnam. He says, Big Ben and Daddy
g in honor of Newbie Night. I asked my friend
VJ to follow the Ben Maler Show podcast and to
write a review. He says, By the way, what happened
to the backscratcher? It's a great point.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Then we used to do this, yeah, dude, And it's
funny that he says that, because I saw a random review,
a five star review complimenting the both of us. And
this was long after you used to ask for those.
So somebody just randomly put a review up, and I
was like, Ben used to ask listeners for those.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Yeah, we used to beg for those, and we stopped
because it.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Was you used to beg for those. You were you
would say give me five stars, and I'd say, if
you think Ben deserves it, it's more like a two
or three.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Oh no, we need we here we are. It's October.
What is October nineteenth today? And we have not gotten
a review on the podcast since May second. May second.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
Yeah, but we didn't ask for that one. On May second,
we did not. We did not. That's a win.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
So if you want to get if you would like
to help us out, podcast dot Apple dot com and
then type in the fifth hour and type that in
the fifth hour with Ben Mattlin and you can help
us out the stars. Oh my god, this is We're
over nine hundred episodes. You've been with me most of it.
I did it with Gascon for a while, but this podcast,
(23:24):
I didn't even notice. I have to go to the
podcast page to find out when we started doing the podcast.
I started in twenty nineteen. So this is this is
year six of the podcast. Wow, that's what on twenty
six years at your seven?
Speaker 3 (23:39):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
I've been here a long time. That's wild. That's a
lot of podcasts. Holy crap. All right, Scott from Florida
right since says I first listened to you driving home
late nights from work in San Francisco to Pacifica, California.
In twenty sixteen. You were calling the Cubs chokers and
historical losers. Not your most original content, but right up
(23:59):
there with your most honest content. As a lifelong Cubs fan,
I was drawn in by your honesty, though I later
figured out it's because you were a Dodger homer, which
leads me to these Los Angeles questions. Have you written
the Clipper championship monologue already? Is it pre recorded? In
case you're already dead when it happens? He says, how
(24:21):
many days in a row do you think you'd run
a Clipper theme monologue? Would Coop just call in sick
all week? That's Scott now living in Florida. Well, first
of all, Scott, I don't prepackage my Mallard monologues. They
happen organically.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
I wait.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
As we mentioned in a podcast this weekend, Danny read
and react, that is the case. And I'm a good winner.
I like losers more than winners. I don't handle winning
very well. Since I've been on the air, the Dodgers
have won the World Series hardest World Series of all time.
In twenty twenty, the Clippers reached the final four, the Rams.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
The final foot.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
They did Rams have won the Super Bowl.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
So no, Ben Ben, I'm so sorry, I don't mean
to interrupt you, but you're allotted sports talk time. That's
way expired.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Airpoint. Let's move on ALF from the pair shop right
since says greetings, gentleman, he says, recently the ALF mobile
has been in the blue tent. So how out of
sorts are you when driving your spouse's car or when
you drive someone else's vehicle that's from from ALF. So
(25:32):
the mallor the wife has the good car, I've got
the beater car, as we call it. So I drive
a car which is you know, it's getting it's old,
it's got a lot of miles on it, but I
don't really care. I don't feel like spending eighty ninety
one hundred thousand dollars on a car. We have a
third car, which is not really a dependable third car.
(25:55):
The reason we have a third car we had the
original Malamobile, the blue one that Steve Harvey this is
the one Danny, remember, Steve Harvey said, that's a good
looking color for that car. He really liked that color.
So that's the original Malormobile that Steve Harvey gave the
thumbs up to with his armed security guard when he
was walking into the Premiere Network studios years ago. We
(26:17):
kept that car as a third car, except we neither
one of us trusted, so in one of the cars
is in the shop, we turned to that car. It's
supposed to be our around town car. Danny, you don't
want to go more than like five miles from the
house in that car.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
It's the guard the way. He liked the color, but
just not the car, so he got that color for
his next Lamborghini.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
It's actually a Bentley, but yeah, no, so we have
that and I do drive my wife's car. She on
the weekends, I'll drive it. Whatever we go out, we
take her car.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
It's not does she have trash in both sides of
the doors.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
She does not clean the car as I would like
the car to be cleaned.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
Yeah, neither neither does my better half. It's like a
it's like a mobile trash unit. The only time she
empties it is when she actually gets gas, and while
she's pumping the gas, she'll throw it all away in
one big heat.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
My wife also has an amazing ability of parking the
car wherever there are birds. So I have to take
the car to you know, get the car washed because
there's always bird shit all over the side of the car,
and there's nothing like trying to get into the car,
and the birds have strategically shit right where the handle is,
you know. I you have to pull the handle to
(27:35):
get in the car. And you're like, oh my god.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
Oh you can't let that stay on the paint. That's
horrible for your paint.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
I know. I when I see it, Danny, I take
it and get it washed and all that, and that's
you know, that's my that's my thing. But yeah, so
you you and your wife, you you have the same
issues right with the car.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
I mean, I have a muscle car. She doesn't like
driving it. She says it's too low to the ground.
She has the family mobile that has a good car
seat in it, and she's rough on cars, so there's
no way she could have the kind of car I have.
I watch every scratch or scrape on my car, keep
my car spotless. Her car, as I before mentioned, looks
(28:18):
like a like a dumpster Starbucks from three weeks ago.
And I get it. CoA is in the back seat
and he's like throwing bananas on the floor and he's
squirting apple sauce on the seat and it's a big mess.
And then when she goes to get him out of
the car, he's crying and he's unhappy because he was
locked in his damn car seat. So she leaves messes behind.
(28:40):
And then when it comes to a head, I need
to take it to the damn car wash because it's
gross at this point, and it takes me a good
hour just to vacuum out the inside.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Yeah, well, the kid thing is, you're gonna have to
wait till co is thirty before that. That's not a.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
Kids ruin everything.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
Yeah, kids and old people they're blessing.
Speaker 3 (29:06):
Though they're blessing. Just don't let the little mongrels in
your car.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
Are you reading off parentcloche dot com? Is that what
you're reading? Barry in South Carolina rights and says Yo Yo, Ma,
Benny and Danny G. Have you guys ever heard of
the she wi? This is a device that allows women
to peece standing up. Have your women ever used one?
That's from Barry in South Carolina. That's so I've heard.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Of the shei Wi. No, I don't.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
As far as I know, I don't know anyone that's
used the shei Wi. I feel like this more of
a gag gift. Do you think someone actually uses it,
like on a regular basis. I think it's a woman
out there that actually it's like, I got my SHEI wi,
I'm gonna go to the urinal in the men's room
and use my she.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
What is that? Around Christmas time they called a white
elephant gift? Yes, yes, that would be good for that.
And I'd love to have one on hand so that
when Brenda acts like she's running, I can just hand
that to her and be like, I've had it.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Enjoy knock yourself out right, all right, that's funny. Good
to hear from Barry. It was cool meeting Berry. He
put together set up the malard meat we did in Charleston,
South Carolina. Had a great time. My niece still lives
Barry in Charleston. She graduated from school there at the
University of Charleston or whatever it was called there. And yeah,
(30:23):
she's still living. She's out of school and living her
life in South Carolina. I thought Berry's trying to move
though maybe not. We'll find out in the next episode.
Last one. Angelo in Sundayego, Hello, Angela, I don't think
you've emailed before, it says Ben and Danny. He says,
I heard you talking about North Carolina and they're talking
(30:43):
to Saudi Arabia for money this week, and I saw
this story. I wanted to get your thoughts on it.
He says. How far will the US sporting world go
in flirting with Saudi Arabia. He then sends me a story.
Angela's in San Diego. The Holiday Bowl, which is a
bowl game played in San Diego every year, said officials
met in Saudi Arabia this spring about moving the Holiday
(31:05):
Bowl to the Middle East. Saudi Arabia.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
See now, I'll let this go because this is more
about money than it is sports.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
But the ACC didn't want to move the game, so
the Holiday Bowl will remain in San Diego. So he
wants to know our thought that this is next level
and there really is no end to it. Angelo, Roger
Goodell's talked about playing a Super Bowl away from the
(31:36):
United States, and people say, well, they'll play the game
in London because the NFL does business in London, or
they'll play the game in Japan because there's a lot of.
Speaker 3 (31:44):
Money in Japan.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Like I would say, it is the most appealing and
arousing for the NFL owners Saudi Arabia because the amount
of money that the NFL could get to sell this.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
How about Dubai, You think it could go there.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Well, no, it's all about the Saudi Arabian Public Investment Fund.
The reason all these guys are going to Saudi Arabia
is because they're trying to use the great oil money.
This is as I read this months ago, maybe years
ago now and in the story. So the Saudis have
all this money. It's the Saudi Arabian Public Investment funds
(32:24):
called PIFF Public Investment Fund. It is worth over nine
hundred billion dollars. They have nine hundred million dollars in assets.
They're the ones behind they're the ones behind the live golf.
It's the Sovereign Wealth Fund of Saudi Arabia. It is unpressant.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
Did the same ones who paid Tom Brady to throw
the football for flag?
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Yes, it's the Kingdom there. They're sports washing. They're trying
to change their reputation. They're the ones that had the
Washington Post reporter killed like they've done, according to what
I run the internet, some terrible things. And so they're
trying to spreend the money to change the reputation and
all these sports. If the NFL said, hey, I know
(33:06):
you asked me Angelo about this Bowl game, the Holiday Bowl,
but just play this out. If Roger Gell and the
owners went to Saudi Arabia, so listen, how about fifteen
billion dollars? How about forget that, how about thirty two billion,
one billion for each team in the NFL, and we'll
give you a Super Bowl And they've got nine hundred
(33:28):
and twenty five billion. Do you think Saudi Arabia would
give the NFL thirty two billion dollars for a Super Bowl?
The host in riodd Saudi Arabia.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
I bet they would. What if they bought our network
and they told you, okay, we're going to raise your
salary by ten million dollars. What if your takes aren't
hot enough, you might get jumped in the parking garage.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Boy, that's uh. I just think I'm not their type
of talk shows, Danny. I don't know what it is.
I don't think they'd really be into me as a
talk You don't know what I'm saying. I was born
into a family they might not like. But but yeah,
it's crazy. They see these everyone in sports is a whore.
(34:13):
We're all kind of whores in one way or another.
But it's just wild to see, Like when you look
at the reputation of Saudi Arabia and all these people
like Bill Belichick, if that story is correct, sending Mike
Lombardi to Saudi Arabia with a briefcase to try to
pitch these people to send them money.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
Yeah. I mean, at some point people are going to
have to put their foot down and say there are
some things more important than money. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Yeah, that's one of those things, Danny, Like back in
our day, Danny, we're getting old, but we were kids, right,
This was a thing we were taught that, you know
some things that you can't you can't put a price on.
And I feel like that's gone away. All right, we'll
leave it there. NFL today, and I got the Rams
coming up here in a little bit and then with
the rest of the card, I'll be on tonight. You'll
(34:59):
be on this, Danny. Anything else you want to promote, book,
comedy club, anything you're doing, any kind of gets you
want to promote here, any appearances, nothing, Okay?
Speaker 3 (35:08):
Oh, but you know what I'm putting together today while
I watch NFL football, I ordered a pool for Coha,
because it's getting too cold for him to be out
on the patio where he's got one of those plastic
pools from like Target. Yeah, so on Amazon, I had
to find like a luxury little blow up mini spa
(35:33):
because this kid is so spoiled. He likes to sit
in warm water and play with his pool toys. That's awesome. Yeah,
I'll take a picture. So he's basically gonna sit in
this warm little mini jacuzzi in the living room like
he's Biggie Small's.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Daddy. That's like dad of a year territory right there.
That's that's impressive.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
Man.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
He'll appreciate that when he's like forty, he'll appreciate that's
that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
And like his cabana boy, I keep coming over with
buckets of warm water to warm the water up.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
That's awesome. Hey, you gotta live your best life, man,
you gotta enjoy.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
Man, Someday I want to be waited on like that.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
Well, that's the thing. When when he's forty, you'll be
the one in the pool, Danny, you'll be feeding apple sauce.
Maddy g here's some apples.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
All right.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
We'll get out of that day we'll catch you next
week on the podcast.
Speaker 3 (36:38):
And all that. We'll see you then. Austa Pasta gotta murder,
I gotta go.
Kutbooms.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to the Clearinghouse
of hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth
(00:23):
Hour with Ben Maller starts right now.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
Mahler and Danny g Radio and a happy NFL Sunday.
The Audio Sweatshop does not stop. We had a very
sporty edition of this podcast yesterday. I must Danny take
(00:49):
a shower. We can't do all sporty all the time.
Fortunately we have the mailbag today and we have football.
The Lrims and the Jacksonville a couple of four and
two teams. Don't like the London game, Danny, I don't these.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
Are but London actually gets a couple of decent teams
to watch.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
In theory. The Rams don't have Puka Nakuah. Your Raiders
play the Chiefs. That should not be a very competitive game.
Unfortunately they well, we'll see who knows. That's that's why
they play the games, that's why they People.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
Have said that in past matchups between those two and
Max Crosby's all over Mahomes and Kermit goes down and
Max has another sack and the Raiders intercept Mahomes and
run it back pick six. Remember that from Jack Jones. Yeah,
Christmas a couple of years back. But you're right. Usually
it's just the Chiefs beating up on the Raiders.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
Well, Gino can not throw an interception then, yet shot
to at least.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Keep it cute. It'll just limit it to one turnover, Gino,
just one, just one.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
Just we're at that point.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Just one.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
Based on records the Rams Jaguars game as mentioned, what
else is Colts Chargers also record wise five and one.
Chargers are four and two with Sunday night, what do
we have the Niners tonight? Yeah, Niners and Falcons.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
Falcons had a big win over the Bills. Though, are
they for real or was that a mirage?
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Well, normally what the Atlanta Falcons have done is they
get a big win, then they come back and drop
a deuce their next game. So we'll see if they
do that here.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
I'm looking to lose to the Panthers thirty to nothing.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Yeah, we got two Monday night football games tomorrow, the
game Tampa and Detroit. I'm looking forward to that. That's tomorrow, though,
that's not that is going to be good. I guess
Eagles Vikings not terrible. That's not a terrible matchup. Eagles
and Vikings.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
Eagles need to rebound and the Lions need to rebound
as well.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Absolutely, those are some of the games today. But let's
get to the mailbag. And that means, Ohio, al can
you please get me in the mood?
Speaker 3 (03:01):
Ohio, Yeah, no more sports talk, man, It's.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
All right, thank you. Yes, we got to get away
from the sports talk. We're ruining our reputation on the
Fifth Hour podcast. So Jake in Toledo, the Jake, it says,
the Jake in Toledo. He writes in these are actual
letters by actual listeners to the show. People have sent
their letters in care of Real fifth Hour at gmail
dot com. Has Real fifth Hour at gmail dot com.
(03:39):
And Jake writes and says, hey, Ben and Danny, did
you hear that Tigers play by play announcer Dan Dickerson's
hot mike incident following the a l D s Yes,
that was great. He did not want to do the
postgame thing that he had to do. And yeah, yeah,
he says.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
To this is even necessary.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Yeah, he says, do either you have any memorable hot
mic incidents of your own or any favorites you've heard
on a hockey season onto hockey season. Let's go red
wings from Jake in Toledo. So there have been many
wonderful hot mic situations. You actually appreciate this, Jake. So
(04:19):
when I was doing vocal radio in La, the Angels
had a broadcaster named Mario and Pemba who became a
Detroit Tigers broadcaster. And it was an Angels spring training
game and they were starting the spring training broadcast and
things got completely messed up. Somebody hit the wrong button.
(04:41):
Mario and Pemble's trying to talk, there's music playing, He's
trying to scream over the music. It's just a total mess.
And in a live mic, he says, this is I
forget exactly what he said. It was like a cluster
F but he didn't say F. And it was broadcast
asked on the air, and so I, through sources I
(05:03):
will not reveal even though the statute of limitations as
went out. I got my hands on a copy of
this audio and we played it on the radio, and
you know, this is before social media and all. That
we played it on the radio was hilarious, and we
actually got a cease and desist letter from the Angels
in Major League Baseball because they were apparently that was
MLB properties and we were not allowed to.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
But it was hilarious. You were saying the Angels were
even little bitches back then.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
I'm just saying they did not appreciate they did not
appreciate the comedic value of that. There was an incident
at Fox Sports Radio. We were doing the Blitz me
and Tom Looney on a Sunday, which was a seven
hour day of radio. I think it was seven I
We started at ten in the morning, ten eleven, twelve,
(05:52):
one to the Yeah, we went to seven hours, went
to four o'clock, did seven hours of radio and one
of our engineers, I will not name the person, but
he was not always the most meticulous danny at his job,
so he also had kind of a limp. So not
(06:14):
that that matters, but just made the story right. Because
we were we were doing the show, we go to
a commercial time out, our engineer kind of hobbles down
the hall to go get some water. We were in
the old studio, and five minutes later we see him
(06:36):
hobbling and like trying to run because apparently he had
left our microphones on. And myself and Tom liked to
gossip a lot about the radio, and we were on
the whole time in the background, like and he was.
It was Unfortunately we weren't like right on the you know,
(06:57):
the mics are on, but you're not.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
Yeah, you were just faintly heard in the background.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
Yes, yes, And thank god we could only be faintly heard,
because if you we could actually be heard, that would
have been the end of my broadcasting career. That and
Looney as well, that would have been the end of it.
But yeah, that was That was famous.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
I mean this, it did.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
There have been a bunch a lot of it's recorded stuff.
Bill O'Reilly. You know, I'll do We'll do a live,
I'll do a live you know that thing a cy
case I'm sick and coming in upbeat song and I
gotta do a dead dog. I gotta do a dog
a dedication about a dead dog.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
You know.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
That's so good, so so freaking good. But yeah, stuff happens.
You know, it's live radio, all right. Next up on
the mailbag, Kevin in Minneapolis writes in he says, Uh,
there have been multiple reports of a creepy clown or
clowns harassing residents in Cloquette, Minnesota, says, but the police
(08:01):
here locally have not been able to figure out what's
going on. He says, according to the media here, locals
have reported on social media seeing clowns that were armed
with knives. However, the police department has found no suspects
or anything. And so Kevin says, Ben and Danny, could
(08:23):
this be where Hayes from Minnesota lives. That's from Kevin
in Minneapolis. So this guy, I don't know if you
know Hayes case is a guy that works at a
cemetery in Minnesota and calls up every so often and
sounds like a guy that may or may not have
partaken in some kind of sadistic rituals involving human sacrifice.
(08:46):
So what do you want me to do, Kevin? Doesn't
the clown thing pop up every couple of years in
some town, Danny, where there's like weird clown sightings. Oh
my gosh, yeah, it's not not that unusual. Mike from
SoCal in Orange writes and says, hey, bandon, Danny, g
I know you guys both go to Trader Joe's. Whose
side are you on? As Trader Joe's is being sued
(09:08):
by Smuckers for ripping off uncrustables? Mike, I support I
support Trader Joe's, he says, And he says, do they
have a case?
Speaker 3 (09:21):
Well?
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Yeah, as you know, Mike, I'm not a lawyer, but
I play one on the radio and podcasting. So they
have a case. You can sue anybody for anything. Now
will they win? That's the question. And here's my problem
with Smuckers on this, Danny. I go to Trader Joe's
at least once a week to get some kind of
crap for dinner or whatever. And I didn't even know
(09:41):
they made these. Now I want to try them, the
Trader Joe's generic brand uncrustables.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
I want that. Yeah, I will say this, I've tried
the Trader Joe's version. You have them not as good
as the Smucker.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Why what is lacking in it?
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Don't Maybe there's more sugar and the Smucker.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
More chemicals, more sugar more.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
Yes, definitely. Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Is the Trader Joe's version cheaper? I would think it would.
Speaker 3 (10:09):
Be cheaper, maybe by just a little bit.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
What is the law on that? Because I know that
if you go to like Walmart or you know, the
cereal business, there's those ripoff serials.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
Oh yeah, yeah, the the yellow bag version.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Yeah, like so that's allowed? What like this isn't allowed that.
I'm looking at the story here. Mike sent a link
and it's essentially saying the Smucker's argument is that they
took Trader Joe's, used the same color palette and a
similar logo.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Same formula, and they Smuckers claims that they've spent over
a billion dollars developing uncrustables the in the good will
associated with them. The company said in a lawsuit.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Well, ship, come on, I mean, what kind of bull
crap if you spent a billion dollars. Listen, when I
was a kid, we made we made those. I don't
want the crust mom, Okay, I'll cut the crust off.
Boom and crustables was born at the Mallor mansion. Why
didn't my mom get the money? My god, come on,
(11:15):
it's ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (11:16):
Thanks, Mike.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
I do love Trader.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Joe's, though, that's a billion dollar idea. Apparently.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
The only problem I have with Trader Joe's as an
introvert no self checkout. You always have to deal with
somebody at the checkout counter, and it's always some kind of.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Yeah, and they train their employees to talk your air off.
Oh yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
It's always like some woman in her thirties has got
like pink or purple hair. Oh, you're having pizza. How
did you figure that out? Because I bought pizza dough
and tomato sauce, and I bought cheese. I wonder how
you figured out I'm having pizza for dinner. My god,
what do you have? You're a psyche.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Brenda told me she was at Trader Joe's the other
day and the checker was like a kid in his
early twenties, and he was asking everybody in line what
they're favorite animal was Wow.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Uh there you go?
Speaker 3 (12:05):
Yeah, yeah, I asked her. I said, did you tell
them a liger?
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (12:10):
It's good.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Yeah. I I recall, Well, mine's the Komodo Dragon. I
like the Komodo dragon. But the uh remember the trade.
We did a story on the fifth Hour podcast about
Trader Joe's and how they train their tellers. They know
when you go up to a Trader Joe's employee and
you ask them about a product, like where a product is,
(12:33):
they'll say, Oh, it's over here, by the way, Have
you tried this? I just started eating. It's really good.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Oh yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
They upsell, but they upsell it in a way where
they make it seem like they're your best friend.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
Yeah. One of the checkers told me, oh, I'll show
you where the mayo is. Oh my god, I switched
to it. It's got a lemon flavor to it. And
that's all I use now is our version of mayonnaise. Like, yeah, okay,
I had this, got way too excited about mayo.
Speaker 1 (13:04):
I had the same thing at the It wasn't Traded Jo's.
It was a different grocery store. And there's this specific
salsa that we get. We have Taco Thursday, not Taco Tuesday,
Taco Thursday at the Malory Mansion. So there's a specific
salsa that we love that's our go to salsa. So
and it's pretty expensive and used it used to be.
When we started buying it. It was about three dollars
(13:25):
for container of salsa. Now it's six dollars and forty
cents for the same container of salce. They must have
started putting gold in there. So I get the salsa
and I check out, and this woman's like, oh that's
the Oh that's such good salsah. She's like God, and
she's like she's like waxing poetic loquation. It was like
that she was doing a tribute, a love song to
(13:46):
the salsa. I was like, just calm down, lady, it's
it's just a freaking thing of salcea. It's not that
big a deal. Ferg Dog in Fullerton writes, in that
winder winter Land and we're almost to the point where
we're getting those winter tire rack commercials. We'll get those
in soon. Ferg Dog and Fullerton writes, and he says, hello,
Ben and Danny g I have a follow up question
(14:07):
to the origin story of how you became Ben plastic Man.
That's right, last week we revealed I'm still here. I
survived my crossover. I have a plastic like senses I do.
He says, did you bite off a chunk of the
plastic fork in your mouth? Or did you break apart
or did it break apart in the bowl and you
(14:29):
just kind of scooped up the broken part. Great question
for a dog, good investigative journalism?
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Is it a great question?
Speaker 1 (14:39):
I actually used my powerful chompers and I bit it
off in my mouth. I bit the fork, the piece
of the fork off.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
Eating reighty. Who has more impressive chompers? You or Freddie Freeman?
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Freddy's got he should do a dental commercial billboards for
a dentist. Also, Ferg Do says, by the time you
open up the mail bag here I sent this obviously
a couple of days ago, the Dodgers will have swept
the Brewers. Do you think it will be any consolation
prize whatsoever for the brew crew that they won all
(15:16):
six regular season games against the Dodgers? Or do you
think that they're pretty bummed out right now? That's Ferg Dog.
So the series ended on Friday. How many of the
players are in Hawaii, Danny? And how many of the
players are in Cancun? You want to do a breakdown?
Do you have a ven diagram, Danny on where the
Brewer players are on vacations?
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Well, unfortunately your allotted sports talk time has expired.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Okay, we must move on in the broadcast, I'm sorry
for a dog. If you want sporty fifth hour, tune
into Saturday's podcast. It was all sporty, all sporty, all
the time. Eric writes in from Parts Unknown. He says,
a love radio and you and Danny g are great.
It's more personal, more personally, says, get to know you
(16:01):
as a human being, for better or worse. Your challenge,
he says, is to identify the words and idioms of
the week contained herein. It will be difficult for babbling
nimrods like yourselves. So I guess this is a riddle.
I'm gonna say that the Eric know you as a
(16:25):
human being, that's an idiom for better or worse as
an idiom, And that's all I got.
Speaker 3 (16:33):
Yeah, I would like to say it's too damn early
in the morning for riddles.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Yeah. I do like the use of nimrod though. It's
a fun word. Nimrod. I should use that word.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
I agree. I like that too, that's a good one.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
I like Dingleberry and Schmendrick. I use those words nimrod.
I need what do you think the most annoying word is?
Speaker 3 (16:50):
They were talking about this in the studio the other day,
your boy the vegan. He he said, I think that
the word moist bothers people the most.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
I have heard people annoyed by the word moist. That
there's people I've come across normally women get very upset
by the word.
Speaker 3 (17:11):
Why. I don't know, That's what he was debating with
some people, like, wellhy are women offended by that word
or bothered by that word so much? Well?
Speaker 1 (17:22):
The one when you think of words that bother people
with women, there's a word that starts with a C.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
Danny that I thought, Yeah, yeah, But I mean, how
about words that aren't meant to offend a woman?
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Yeah, moist is a pretty good one. I'm trying to
think off the top of my head. I'm not really bothered.
There's some words I have trouble saying, freak freak like vanilla,
vanilla No. Eddie used to say, I didn't want to
say milk. That was which milk? Oh yeah, milk. It's
(17:59):
the same thing as vanila, the same thing. Yeah, yeah,
he said, you say your eyes as ease.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Sometimes I just want to.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Make sure you're paying attention. That's all I could. I
could come in here and do the King's English. If
I wanted to, but I want to be relatable. I'm
trying to be relatable, Danny. I learned that from the
great Rick D's radio legend, Rick d'z Ricky.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
Oh in sa Quon you call him sequon? Yeah, why not?
Speaker 1 (18:24):
But Rick Dz would famously Rick D's would record his
first hour on one oh two point seven Kiss f M.
And he gave me a hallway lesson on how to
record audio. He said, Ben, when I record, if I
make a mistake, I leave it in. And I said,
(18:44):
why would you do that, Rick, You're recording, He says,
when people are listening and they hear a mistake, they
assume that it's live because if it was recorded, you
would take the mistake out. I said, that's right, Rick,
I'm making mistakes on purpose, just to be relatable so
people think it's fresh and live and all that. Next
up is a person did not sign their name. What
(19:07):
a schmuck, it says Ben and Danny. Did you see anonymous?
We'll call the person anonymous. Did you see the NFL
fan find a hack to drive and watch the game
at the same time. So this video went viral on TikTok,
and he sent me a link here, guys driving, he
put his cell phone on the dashboard. He placed the
(19:30):
phone on the dashboard, and then the phone screen reflected
onto the windshield, allowing the man to both look at
the road and watch the Thursday night game.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
This is from the Eagles Giants game Man Ingenuitive.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Yeah, I have a problem with this. I have a
problem with this. My problem is, dude, we have a
way to watch the game and drive. It's called radio.
Just listen to the freaking game on the radio. It's
better anyway radio when done right theater of the mind
a good probably play announced. You don't need to watch
it and drive. Listen to the freaking game on the radio.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
My complaint about that would be I've had the full
Serious XM package before, where I can hear play by play,
but it was too expensive every month, so I cut
the package down and they took my play by play
channels away.
Speaker 1 (20:23):
Well, I don't pay for the Serious XM, but I
know that the Monday night and the Thursday night games
are broadcast like here in LA I think they're on
AM eleven fifty I think usually right, So they're on
the radio. You just have to find the station, your
local Westwood one affiliate, and they'll.
Speaker 3 (20:38):
Yeah, you're your old school AM radio, like you get
the search button on your AM.
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Anything to save a buck, anything to save a buck, Danny,
I will save. I will go to great lengths to
save Lucky Tony writes in on the mail bag here
on the fifth hour on this NFL Sunday Week seven,
which began back on Thursday with the ben Gals up
adding the Pittsburgh Steiers. Lucky Tony writes and says one
word ground and fucking pound Saints nineteen Bears sixteen. Lucky
(21:08):
Tony says, what was the best style of ball one
of your teams played in any sport? Bash Brothers baseball,
rich gannon air assault, he says, take care of fellas, Bears.
That's from Lucky Tony. So he's talking about style. Yeah,
well the Clippers, listen, they didn't win, but the Lob
City Clippers were. Boy were they fund?
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Man?
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Were they fund? And for me, the Rams. I hate
saying this because I wasn't a Rams fan at the time.
The greatest show on turf in Saint Louis when they
were putting up those huge point totals that Kurt Warner
and Tory Holt and Marshall Falk and they were electric
and unfortuate.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Man, I don't mean to interrupt you, but I hate
to say this, but you're allotted sports talk time. That's expired, right.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
I'm sorry about that. We must move on on the broadcast.
I thank you for that though. Quang rights in from
Ho Chim in Vietnam. He says, Big Ben and Daddy
g in honor of Newbie Night. I asked my friend
VJ to follow the Ben Maler Show podcast and to
write a review. He says, By the way, what happened
to the backscratcher? It's a great point.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Then we used to do this, yeah, dude, And it's
funny that he says that, because I saw a random review,
a five star review complimenting the both of us. And
this was long after you used to ask for those.
So somebody just randomly put a review up, and I
was like, Ben used to ask listeners for those.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Yeah, we used to beg for those, and we stopped
because it.
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Was you used to beg for those. You were you
would say give me five stars, and I'd say, if
you think Ben deserves it, it's more like a two
or three.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
Oh no, we need we here we are. It's October.
What is October nineteenth today? And we have not gotten
a review on the podcast since May second. May second.
Speaker 3 (22:57):
Yeah, but we didn't ask for that one. On May second,
we did not. We did not. That's a win.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
So if you want to get if you would like
to help us out, podcast dot Apple dot com and
then type in the fifth hour and type that in
the fifth hour with Ben Mattlin and you can help
us out the stars. Oh my god, this is We're
over nine hundred episodes. You've been with me most of it.
I did it with Gascon for a while, but this podcast,
(23:24):
I didn't even notice. I have to go to the
podcast page to find out when we started doing the podcast.
I started in twenty nineteen. So this is this is
year six of the podcast. Wow, that's what on twenty
six years at your seven?
Speaker 3 (23:39):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
I've been here a long time. That's wild. That's a
lot of podcasts. Holy crap. All right, Scott from Florida
right since says I first listened to you driving home
late nights from work in San Francisco to Pacifica, California.
In twenty sixteen. You were calling the Cubs chokers and
historical losers. Not your most original content, but right up
(23:59):
there with your most honest content. As a lifelong Cubs fan,
I was drawn in by your honesty, though I later
figured out it's because you were a Dodger homer, which
leads me to these Los Angeles questions. Have you written
the Clipper championship monologue already? Is it pre recorded? In
case you're already dead when it happens? He says, how
(24:21):
many days in a row do you think you'd run
a Clipper theme monologue? Would Coop just call in sick
all week? That's Scott now living in Florida. Well, first
of all, Scott, I don't prepackage my Mallard monologues. They
happen organically.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
I wait.
Speaker 1 (24:39):
As we mentioned in a podcast this weekend, Danny read
and react, that is the case. And I'm a good winner.
I like losers more than winners. I don't handle winning
very well. Since I've been on the air, the Dodgers
have won the World Series hardest World Series of all time.
In twenty twenty, the Clippers reached the final four, the Rams.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
The final foot.
Speaker 1 (25:00):
They did Rams have won the Super Bowl.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
So no, Ben Ben, I'm so sorry, I don't mean
to interrupt you, but you're allotted sports talk time. That's
way expired.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
Airpoint. Let's move on ALF from the pair shop right
since says greetings, gentleman, he says, recently the ALF mobile
has been in the blue tent. So how out of
sorts are you when driving your spouse's car or when
you drive someone else's vehicle that's from from ALF. So
(25:32):
the mallor the wife has the good car, I've got
the beater car, as we call it. So I drive
a car which is you know, it's getting it's old,
it's got a lot of miles on it, but I
don't really care. I don't feel like spending eighty ninety
one hundred thousand dollars on a car. We have a
third car, which is not really a dependable third car.
(25:55):
The reason we have a third car we had the
original Malamobile, the blue one that Steve Harvey this is
the one Danny, remember, Steve Harvey said, that's a good
looking color for that car. He really liked that color.
So that's the original Malormobile that Steve Harvey gave the
thumbs up to with his armed security guard when he
was walking into the Premiere Network studios years ago. We
(26:17):
kept that car as a third car, except we neither
one of us trusted, so in one of the cars
is in the shop, we turned to that car. It's
supposed to be our around town car. Danny, you don't
want to go more than like five miles from the
house in that car.
Speaker 3 (26:32):
It's the guard the way. He liked the color, but
just not the car, so he got that color for
his next Lamborghini.
Speaker 1 (26:39):
It's actually a Bentley, but yeah, no, so we have
that and I do drive my wife's car. She on
the weekends, I'll drive it. Whatever we go out, we
take her car.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
It's not does she have trash in both sides of
the doors.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
She does not clean the car as I would like
the car to be cleaned.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
Yeah, neither neither does my better half. It's like a
it's like a mobile trash unit. The only time she
empties it is when she actually gets gas, and while
she's pumping the gas, she'll throw it all away in
one big heat.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
My wife also has an amazing ability of parking the
car wherever there are birds. So I have to take
the car to you know, get the car washed because
there's always bird shit all over the side of the car,
and there's nothing like trying to get into the car,
and the birds have strategically shit right where the handle is,
you know. I you have to pull the handle to
(27:35):
get in the car. And you're like, oh my god.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
Oh you can't let that stay on the paint. That's
horrible for your paint.
Speaker 1 (27:42):
I know. I when I see it, Danny, I take
it and get it washed and all that, and that's
you know, that's my that's my thing. But yeah, so
you you and your wife, you you have the same
issues right with the car.
Speaker 3 (27:56):
I mean, I have a muscle car. She doesn't like
driving it. She says it's too low to the ground.
She has the family mobile that has a good car
seat in it, and she's rough on cars, so there's
no way she could have the kind of car I have.
I watch every scratch or scrape on my car, keep
my car spotless. Her car, as I before mentioned, looks
(28:18):
like a like a dumpster Starbucks from three weeks ago.
And I get it. CoA is in the back seat
and he's like throwing bananas on the floor and he's
squirting apple sauce on the seat and it's a big mess.
And then when she goes to get him out of
the car, he's crying and he's unhappy because he was
locked in his damn car seat. So she leaves messes behind.
(28:40):
And then when it comes to a head, I need
to take it to the damn car wash because it's
gross at this point, and it takes me a good
hour just to vacuum out the inside.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Yeah, well, the kid thing is, you're gonna have to
wait till co is thirty before that. That's not a.
Speaker 3 (29:00):
Kids ruin everything.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
Yeah, kids and old people they're blessing.
Speaker 3 (29:06):
Though they're blessing. Just don't let the little mongrels in
your car.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
Are you reading off parentcloche dot com? Is that what
you're reading? Barry in South Carolina rights and says Yo Yo, Ma,
Benny and Danny G. Have you guys ever heard of
the she wi? This is a device that allows women
to peece standing up. Have your women ever used one?
That's from Barry in South Carolina. That's so I've heard.
Speaker 3 (29:30):
Of the shei Wi. No, I don't.
Speaker 1 (29:33):
As far as I know, I don't know anyone that's
used the shei Wi. I feel like this more of
a gag gift. Do you think someone actually uses it,
like on a regular basis. I think it's a woman
out there that actually it's like, I got my SHEI wi,
I'm gonna go to the urinal in the men's room
and use my she.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
What is that? Around Christmas time they called a white
elephant gift? Yes, yes, that would be good for that.
And I'd love to have one on hand so that
when Brenda acts like she's running, I can just hand
that to her and be like, I've had it.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Enjoy knock yourself out right, all right, that's funny. Good
to hear from Barry. It was cool meeting Berry. He
put together set up the malard meat we did in Charleston,
South Carolina. Had a great time. My niece still lives
Barry in Charleston. She graduated from school there at the
University of Charleston or whatever it was called there. And yeah,
(30:23):
she's still living. She's out of school and living her
life in South Carolina. I thought Berry's trying to move
though maybe not. We'll find out in the next episode.
Last one. Angelo in Sundayego, Hello, Angela, I don't think
you've emailed before, it says Ben and Danny. He says,
I heard you talking about North Carolina and they're talking
(30:43):
to Saudi Arabia for money this week, and I saw
this story. I wanted to get your thoughts on it.
He says. How far will the US sporting world go
in flirting with Saudi Arabia. He then sends me a story.
Angela's in San Diego. The Holiday Bowl, which is a
bowl game played in San Diego every year, said officials
met in Saudi Arabia this spring about moving the Holiday
(31:05):
Bowl to the Middle East. Saudi Arabia.
Speaker 3 (31:12):
See now, I'll let this go because this is more
about money than it is sports.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
But the ACC didn't want to move the game, so
the Holiday Bowl will remain in San Diego. So he
wants to know our thought that this is next level
and there really is no end to it. Angelo, Roger
Goodell's talked about playing a Super Bowl away from the
(31:36):
United States, and people say, well, they'll play the game
in London because the NFL does business in London, or
they'll play the game in Japan because there's a lot of.
Speaker 3 (31:44):
Money in Japan.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Like I would say, it is the most appealing and
arousing for the NFL owners Saudi Arabia because the amount
of money that the NFL could get to sell this.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
How about Dubai, You think it could go there.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Well, no, it's all about the Saudi Arabian Public Investment Fund.
The reason all these guys are going to Saudi Arabia
is because they're trying to use the great oil money.
This is as I read this months ago, maybe years
ago now and in the story. So the Saudis have
all this money. It's the Saudi Arabian Public Investment funds
(32:24):
called PIFF Public Investment Fund. It is worth over nine
hundred billion dollars. They have nine hundred million dollars in assets.
They're the ones behind they're the ones behind the live golf.
It's the Sovereign Wealth Fund of Saudi Arabia. It is unpressant.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
Did the same ones who paid Tom Brady to throw
the football for flag?
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Yes, it's the Kingdom there. They're sports washing. They're trying
to change their reputation. They're the ones that had the
Washington Post reporter killed like they've done, according to what
I run the internet, some terrible things. And so they're
trying to spreend the money to change the reputation and
all these sports. If the NFL said, hey, I know
(33:06):
you asked me Angelo about this Bowl game, the Holiday Bowl,
but just play this out. If Roger Gell and the
owners went to Saudi Arabia, so listen, how about fifteen
billion dollars? How about forget that, how about thirty two billion,
one billion for each team in the NFL, and we'll
give you a Super Bowl And they've got nine hundred
(33:28):
and twenty five billion. Do you think Saudi Arabia would
give the NFL thirty two billion dollars for a Super Bowl?
The host in riodd Saudi Arabia.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
I bet they would. What if they bought our network
and they told you, okay, we're going to raise your
salary by ten million dollars. What if your takes aren't
hot enough, you might get jumped in the parking garage.
Speaker 1 (33:52):
Boy, that's uh. I just think I'm not their type
of talk shows, Danny. I don't know what it is.
I don't think they'd really be into me as a
talk You don't know what I'm saying. I was born
into a family they might not like. But but yeah,
it's crazy. They see these everyone in sports is a whore.
(34:13):
We're all kind of whores in one way or another.
But it's just wild to see, Like when you look
at the reputation of Saudi Arabia and all these people
like Bill Belichick, if that story is correct, sending Mike
Lombardi to Saudi Arabia with a briefcase to try to
pitch these people to send them money.
Speaker 3 (34:29):
Yeah. I mean, at some point people are going to
have to put their foot down and say there are
some things more important than money. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Yeah, that's one of those things, Danny, Like back in
our day, Danny, we're getting old, but we were kids, right,
This was a thing we were taught that, you know
some things that you can't you can't put a price on.
And I feel like that's gone away. All right, we'll
leave it there. NFL today, and I got the Rams
coming up here in a little bit and then with
the rest of the card, I'll be on tonight. You'll
(34:59):
be on this, Danny. Anything else you want to promote, book,
comedy club, anything you're doing, any kind of gets you
want to promote here, any appearances, nothing, Okay?
Speaker 3 (35:08):
Oh, but you know what I'm putting together today while
I watch NFL football, I ordered a pool for Coha,
because it's getting too cold for him to be out
on the patio where he's got one of those plastic
pools from like Target. Yeah, so on Amazon, I had
to find like a luxury little blow up mini spa
(35:33):
because this kid is so spoiled. He likes to sit
in warm water and play with his pool toys. That's awesome. Yeah,
I'll take a picture. So he's basically gonna sit in
this warm little mini jacuzzi in the living room like
he's Biggie Small's.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
Daddy. That's like dad of a year territory right there.
That's that's impressive.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
Man.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
He'll appreciate that when he's like forty, he'll appreciate that's
that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
And like his cabana boy, I keep coming over with
buckets of warm water to warm the water up.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
That's awesome. Hey, you gotta live your best life, man,
you gotta enjoy.
Speaker 3 (36:15):
Man, Someday I want to be waited on like that.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
Well, that's the thing. When when he's forty, you'll be
the one in the pool, Danny, you'll be feeding apple sauce.
Maddy g here's some apples.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
All right.
Speaker 1 (36:34):
We'll get out of that day we'll catch you next
week on the podcast.
Speaker 3 (36:38):
And all that. We'll see you then. Austa Pasta gotta murder,
I gotta go.
Host
Ben Maller
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