September 1, 2026 • 40 mins
Ben Maller talks about Brandon Aiyuk's protest causing more damage to himself than the 49ers, Aaron Donald saying his longtime speed trainer told him that he hasn't lost a step, how bad Tua Tagovailoa must be for Atlanta to consider starting Michael Penix Jr., and much more!
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Boom goes the dynamite. It's our number one of the
Ben Maller Show and a very, very happy. First day
of September. It is Tuesday, September 1st, and talking some
football this hour. We stayed up all night for the pod.
And at what point does wide receiver Brandon Iyuk realize
(00:23):
his protest is hurting Brandon Iyuk much more than it's
hurting the 49ers? He's lost over $ 50 million now with
no end in sight. Also, Aaron Donald says his longtime
speed trainer told him that he hasn't lost a step
since At age 35, what's the level of importance to this?
We'll talk about that. And also, how bad must Tua
(00:47):
Tungavailoa have looked for Atlanta to still be considering starting
a quarterback in Michael Penix Jr., who has been injured,
hasn't taken a preseason snap, and has a lot of
damaged goods? We'll talk about all that and more right now.
Here we go. It's our number one. The Cold War
(01:11):
continues in the NFL. Welcome in the beginning of another
night of the Ben Maller Show. We are in the
air everywhere. Flying the red-eye flight. Just the homeboys hanging
out here as we open the audio door. Coast to coast,
(01:34):
border to border, and beyond on the vast end. Breathtakingly
powerful microphones of FSR emanating live from the post. The
trading post open for business. Guaranteed human. That's what the
slogan says. From the world-famous Fox Sports Radio studios where Alf, Fergdog,
(01:59):
and Malerpop guys say, we need hot takes now! They
demand it. And so do Mikey Cano, don't you know,
and Filler Up Phil, even Wayne, their curmudgeon who's always
complaining about something there in Duluth, and our buddy Doug
in South Korea. They're all demanding the hot takes. We
(02:20):
will not waste any time. Right there. Your one-stop shop
for the hot take. Now, I do want to remind you,
coming up later this hour, we will have the Who
Am I game. That'll be coming up later this hour.
And a lot of love this hour. Big hour of love.
We'll have that later on. Mallard of the Third Degree.
The Insta Trivia. That'll be an hour or two. We've
got the Riddle of the Day. Mallard's Mountain of Money,
(02:43):
that'll be popping up in hour three. And later on,
Sight the Bite, the great sports radio mystery. You'll be
long gone by Sight the Bite, so go back and
hear the podcast if you want to hear Sight the Bite. However,
don't bury the lead, my man! All right, we're not
going to bury the lead. So I assume the position,
I assume the position that a story that was popular
(03:07):
during the NFL offseason will be long gone by now.
The Cold War of football. But you know what happens
when you assume. And it has happened yet again. The
NFL Cold War continuing. Our lead this hour from San Francisco.
It's a rare 49er story that does not involve debauchery
of some kind. Whether it's Kyle Shanahan getting into a
(03:29):
mystery wreck and then radio silence for 11 days. Or
the owner of the team going to do the make
and whoopee at a trailer park in Ohio. East Palestine, Ohio.
That's where I always go to see a lady of
the night, or I guess lady of the morning. So
you had that, and then, of course, you have the
love story, the fake wide receiver who's been running around
(03:51):
stooping women, getting money from them, pretending to be on
the 49ers. Well, this is not that. So we have
a legitimate 49er wide receiver, Brandon Iook, who remains at
loggerheads with the franchise. The general manager, John Lynch, commenting
on this saying, nothing has changed. Three words, nothing has
(04:11):
changed from John Lynch. Now, Brandon Ike remains on the
reserve left. The squad essentially went AWOL, the NFL's version
of AWOL. I don't know if you saw this or not.
So he doesn't count against the 49ers roster as they
get ready to head to Australia to take on the
LA Rams in an NFC West slobber knocker. Because when
you think NFC West football, You think Australia. Doesn't get
(04:36):
any more authentic than that. Anyway, John Lynch continued, said
he's just not on our roster. Lynch, the executive. I
worked for his boss in San Diego. His boss, John
Lynch's dad, ran the radio cluster that I worked for
in San Diego. Anyway, Brandon Ayuk was scheduled to receive $ 24.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
9 million.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
And an option bonus, that would be here on September
1st as we head into September 1st. We're still late
on the 31st of August in the West. The show
we're doing is for September 1st. So anyway, the point
is that he was due to get a roster bonus
of $ 24. 9 million. But Lynch confirmed ixnay on the money
(05:22):
for the wide receiver. As he will not be getting
that money. The Niners don't owe him the money. Because
the team says that he defaulted on his contract. You
know how hard it is to default on a contract?
It's just basically have a pulse, you get the money.
Have a pulse, you get the money. And he's effed
that up. So that is a good jumping off point.
(05:43):
Let us discuss the question. At what point... At what
point does Brandon Iook realize that his protest, and he's
locked in, he's bunkered down in this protest, is actually
hurting Brandon Iook more than it is the 49ers? All right,
so my thoughts on this, I've got shopping at Lids, barbershop,
(06:07):
and diving board. And we will combine all of these
things together, and we are going to have some delicious
orange chicken and chow mein. is what we're going to have. So, A,
to begin here, this has gone from a contract dispute,
which even that, you're like, well, is it really a
(06:29):
contract dispute? Because Brandon and I got the money. He
got the contract he wanted, in theory, and it's gone
from whatever that was, right, whatever that was, to just
the Olympics of stubbornness. Congratulations, you're in the Olympics. What
kind of Olympics? Oh, it's the Olympics of stubbornness. Oh, great.
Except Brandon Iok is the only contestant selling himself and
(06:54):
lighting himself on fire. His own wallet is being lit
on fire while he's selling himself to the world public
on social media, demanding to play for the commanders and this, that,
and the other thing. And so he's selling himself and
then also burning his wallet on fire at the same time.
So he's wasting the prime years of his career, which
it seems like it's over at this point based on,
(07:16):
today that he's not going to play again in a
meaningful role in the NFL. So he's battling. He's in
an argument he cannot win. Think about that. You know
you cannot win the argument, and yet you're fully engaged
in the argument. The man has locked himself into one
of those escape rooms and swallowed the key. Abracadabra. Good
(07:40):
luck getting out without the key. You can't do it. Now, meanwhile,
the 49ers.
They're sitting up and they're a lazy boy. They got
their feet up. They got some lemonade. They're enjoying themselves,
resting nice and comfortably. Because NFL rules, the bylaws allow
them to leave Brandon Iook in a contractual squabble, in purgatory,
(08:03):
while owing him nothing. To infinity and beyond! They don't
have to do anything. And so for our purposes, bravo
to the wide receiver, Brandon Iook, who should be shopping
over at Lids. Go over there, get a nice cap.
We recommend the golden headwear for Brandon Iook. Now get
that golden headwear right there. And I recommend the royal
(08:26):
dunce cap. Dum-da-dum-dum-dum! Yes, after holding the financial bonfire... And
so far, if my mallor math is correct, he is torched.
Roughly $ 53 million, which, oh, by the way, I looked
a few hours ago, is less than almost all the
(08:48):
state lotteries. He had the lottery, and he burned, baby,
burned the lottery. $ 50- plus million between guaranteed money and option bonuses.
So bravo, bravo, bravo, bravo. Way to go. All right.
What exactly is the endgame here, you ask? Well, San
(09:10):
Francisco has to do nothing. They can just twiddle their
thumbs and wait for their owner to go to another
trailer park and their coach to go driving his Tesla.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Wink, wink.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
And all that. And Brian and I can scream and
shout and let it all out on social media. The
grandfather clock keeps ticking away.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Tick, tick, tick.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Just like that. And eventually... You're not teaching the big,
bad 49ers a lesson. You're paying $ 52 million, Brandon Iyok,
in tuition to teach yourself a lesson. And someday you'll
go around to airport seminars and say, I'm the guy
that burned $ 50 million because I was making a point. Well,
(09:54):
he can't have dinner now with Le'Veon Bell, who did
not burn that much money but chose to hang out
in his backpack hammock there in miami rather than play
for the steelers years ago and then was sentenced to
play for the jets all right meanwhile to los angeles
we go follow up to the follow-up to the follow-up
aaron donald returning the rams at age 35 you know
(10:15):
about that two seasons in a gap situation. He went
on sabbatical for a couple years. Donald insisting that he
remains physically capable of playing at a high level. That's
what he said. In fact, he says he stayed in
shape by weightlifting.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Conditioning and full speed treadmill work. Sounds like my random Wednesday.
Did all that stuff. Now, entering the chat, Aaron Donald
brought up his long time, long time speed trainer. Who
doesn't have a speed trainer? You don't? But I met
the Mallard Militia in Vegas. I mean, all those guys
(10:55):
have speed trainers. Good looking people. They have a need
for speed. Anyway, the speed trainer... Dwayne Brown, who has
known Donald since he was in high school, worked with him.
And Aaron Donald glowingly said, listen, this guy evaluated me.
And his decision was that Aaron Donald had not missed
(11:19):
a step. Despite two years on the shelf, he had
not missed a step. Now, Donald spent roughly three months,
he says, preparing to come back to the Rams, dragging
it out. to the 11th hour, said it was a
long process, and he's ready to go. And the Rams
are being coy about whether or not he'll play against
(11:40):
the Niners in Australia. What's the point? What are you
saving him for? All right, question. Aaron Donald says his
longtime speed coach told him that he has not lost
a step. What's the level of importance to that line
by Aaron Donald? See, You ask me, level of importance. Somewhere,
(12:04):
to quote the great Jim Mora, somewhere between diddly and squat. Ergo,
diddly squat. Come on. We're supposed to buy that Aaron
Donald's comeback is going to work out glowingly because his
personal trainer gave the old thumbs up. Really? That's what
(12:25):
we're doing. Of course, the trainer, the speed coach is
going to say, hey, you look great. What else was
he supposed to say? Aaron, I got to tell you, man,
you're cooked. You are cooked. Get out of here. It's
kind of like going to the neighborhood barbershop and asking
your barber how the haircut looks after he's just finished
(12:46):
the haircut. What do you expect the barber to say? Boy,
I really screwed that one up. Oh, man. You might
want to go with the shaved head look now because
it's not really working for you. Yeah. Workout videos also.
I've learned this over the years. It used to drive
me nuts and I used to rant about guys doing
weight lifting workout videos and all that. The workout videos
(13:07):
are football porn for fans. That's it. They're pornography. Workout
videos are pornography for football fans. That's what they are.
And Everybody looks fantastic. Because you don't post it if
you don't look fantastic. Everyone looks fantastic until, of course,
the rubber meets the road when the games begin and
(13:27):
you forget the stopwatch. Aaron Donald His whole performance with
the Rams back when he became the greatest defensive player
of his generation was based on violence and leverage. He's
35 and barring some kind of amazing pharmaceuticals, generally you
slow down in an athletic environment around that age. So,
of course, I will point out nobody loses a step
(13:50):
in August or even September. They lose their step in November.
The games start piling up, and the question is not
whether Aaron Donald can go out and dominate against the
Niners or somebody else the Rams play early in the year.
The question is whether or not Aaron Donald can survive
(14:11):
50 snaps on a Sunday and then do it again
seven days later over and over and over and become
the Energizer Bunny. The key to this, and this is
something like Nostradamus and J.J. and Renton and the trolls
don't understand. To expect Aaron Donald to be exactly what
he was, a carbon copy, is not going to happen. However,
(14:34):
if Aaron Donald can give the Rams 70% of the vintage,
that is a home run. That is not a base hit.
That's a home run for the Rams. Anything more than 70%
is obscene. for what that defense should be. And so
the Rams have assembled. I've read everything online. I've learned
the Rams have assembled the greatest defense ever created on
(14:56):
an iPad. So congratulations on that. Yes. Way to go. Now, unfortunately,
as with all these things, as we pointed out, you
actually have to play the games. You have to wear
the uniform, the shoulder pads, the jockstrap, and all that stuff.
So that's when we will find out whether or not
this is the reality of the situation. All right, last word.
We head now to the most pathetic quarterback competition in
(15:19):
the NFL. We thought the Cleveland Browns had owned that
title as the most despicable quarterback controversy in pro football.
But no, the Atlanta Hawks said, wait a minute. What
about us? Hold my beer. So we are told the
Falcons are bemused about whether or not Michael Penix Jr.,
(15:43):
should start over to a tongue of Iloa.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
What?
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Yes, week one against the Pittsburgh football team. Now, we
are told that Atlanta has not decided. Everyone else has decided.
Not Atlanta on who their quarterback is going to be.
So the question is rather obvious. We'll ask it anyway.
You can answer it rhetorically or you can call in
later or send a snarky comment on X. How bad,
(16:11):
here's the question, how bad must Tua Tunga-Vailoa have looked
in practice, not the game, forget the game, she's talking
about practice, for Atlanta to still be considering, with the
NFL beginning next week, for the NFL's Atlanta Falcons to
still be considering starting a quarterback, Michael Pennex Jr., who
(16:34):
has been broken, hasn't played a snap yet, in preseason
action and doesn't appear to be fully medically ready to go.
And yet, it certainly sounds like they're leaning towards Pennex
to be the quarterback there for the Dirty Birds. So
Tua Tungabailoa walked into Atlanta. I must stress how crazy
(16:55):
this is. He left the Dolphins because he sucked there
and they got rid of him. And so Tua goes
into Georgia with the starting job practically waiting at baggage claim.
Just get off the plane, go to carousel three at
the baggage claim. Okay, not carousel four, not five, three. Okay,
I'll go to carousel three. Go to the baggage claim.
(17:17):
And somehow they didn't lose his luggage. He couldn't find
his own luggage. How did that happen? And so Tua
is performing like he's Chick-fil-A. He doesn't work on Sunday.
What are you doing? There is no reasonable explanation. for
a quarterback competition to still exist, other than the fact
(17:38):
that Tua, during training camp, was climbing up the ladder
to the diving board and has done a full-on belly whopper. Cowabunga, dude! Yeah,
just like that. So think about it. Tua was brought
in specifically because Michael Pennex Jr. was not going to
be ready. And now Tua's apparently not ready. Yikes! And
(18:04):
Penix hasn't even adjusted yet. I was reading some of
the stories. They say, well, he's not really up to
speed in terms of he can throw the ball. They
don't know what's going to happen if he gets sacked. Yes,
he doesn't know how to avoid pressure. That seems like
it's going to be a thing. What do I know?
I didn't play in the NFL, right? Yes, a reconstructed knee,
(18:25):
which I think is still under warranty. And you've got Atlanta,
who's sitting there right now biting their fingernails, And they're
looking across the quarterback room and they're like, well, yeah,
I know the guy's got a bum knee and he
hadn't played, but we kind of like that guy. How
damning is that? The Falcons are essentially deciding whether 80%
(18:48):
of Michael Penix Jr. or even less than that is
over 100%, better than 100% of Tua Tungabailoa. And that
doesn't sound like a quarterback controversy on this side of
the microphone. That is a mayday, mayday call from flowery branch.
It's a dead flowery branch there. It really is. And
(19:09):
so Tua had an open highway, open highway for QB1 status,
and somehow drove into the medium. And he wasn't drinking
and just was distracted. Maybe he had that self-driving Tesla
like Kyle Shanahan did. Wink, wink, nod, nod. At this rate, though.
The Atlanta Falcons and the career of Tua Tungabailoa at
(19:30):
this moment here. They are riding on the express elevator,
and they're going right to Clipboard City. Population Tua. Yikes.
All right, here's the Ben Maller Show. If you would
like to be part, you can join us. The lines
open abracadabra, hocus pocus. Just like that. Look, they're already ringing.
All right, call right now if you want. Get one
(19:51):
before they all fill up. 877-99 on Fox, even before
we give out the number.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
877-996-6369.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
Also on X, add Ben Maller. That is at Ben
Maller if you'd like to be part of the live program. Again,
later this hour we have the Who Am I game.
Read a lot of your witty comments, assuming they're worthy
of being read on the air, which they probably aren't,
but we'll try to make that happen. And again, later on,
(20:18):
the riddle, and we'll have the mountain of money, and
all that stuff. Straight ahead, though, it's a lot of love.
It's a lot of love. It's love in the air everywhere.
But what is it? We'll get to that, and we
will do it!
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Be sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller
Show weekdays at 2 a.m. Eastern, 11 p.m. Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
Hey, it's Covino and Rich from Fox Sports Radio. Now,
in addition to hearing us live weekdays from 5 to
7 p.m. Eastern, 2 to 4 Pacific on Fox Sports Radio,
we're excited to announce a brand new YouTube channel for
the show. Yup, that's right. You can now watch Covino &
Rich live on YouTube every day. All you gotta do,
search Covino & Rich FSR on YouTube. Again, go to YouTube,
(21:09):
search Covino & Rich FSR. Check us out on YouTube, subscribe,
hit that thumbs up icon, and comment away. The Ben
Maller Show on Fox Sports Radio as we roll on
through the overnight hours. And a reminder, if you were
unable to... Attend the Malheur meet and greet in Vegas
(21:29):
for whatever reason. There are photos up. And I said
I would post more. That's a lie. I haven't posted
any more yet. And you didn't send me the photos either.
That's all. It's very busy. Very busy, as you know.
There's a lot going on. Power lunches. I had that.
A lot of stuff. A lot of stuff going on. So,
in the meantime, you can check out the photos that
(21:51):
are on. The Instagram and Facebook page for the show.
You should follow those accounts because it makes us feel
good and get those numbers a little higher there. And
we don't have to pay for bots. Too cheap to
do that. On the Facebook page, it's Ben Maller Show.
And on Instagram, it's Ben Maller on Fox. You want
(22:15):
to be part of this live radio show? 877-99 on Fox.
Did you guys hear from Wayne yesterday? 877-996-6369. Also on X,
at Ben Maller. That's at Ben Maller. You can say
hello to Lorena, FSR Tech Queen, and Coop at uh.
Bronco fan, your comments can and will be used against
(22:37):
you in the court of sports radio. Did you guys
hear from Wayne yesterday?
Speaker 2 (22:41):
No.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
No, I didn't hear from Wayne. Wayne in Missouri. Did
you hear from Wayne? I have not, no. Haven't heard
from Wayne. Well, Big Lou said he'd show up. He flaked. Lance,
the bus driver, flaked. Second year in a row, by
the way. Yeah, we're not naming him. If he says
he's going next year, he's not getting any publicity. He's
going to have to prove it first. Yeah, we're not
saying he's going to show up. False advertising. Nada from LAX,
(23:04):
no show. Didn't show up. I guess no divorce party.
I mean, it's in his name, Nada. Well, it's her.
Her name. Yes, that's, yeah. Then who else? Lance, the
bus driver, I mentioned him.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Moot.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Mouthwash Mike was nowhere to be seen. We didn't see him.
Just hope he's in jail and not dead. Yeah, you
never know. I did see a lot of homeless people
driving around Vegas. They're everywhere. And I did not see
Mouthwash Mike. Curmudgeon Wayne in Duluth says after that train
wreck in East Palestine, Ohio, having Nookie... with a young
(23:36):
lady there would be like going somewhere where they're growing Chernobyl.
I cleaned that up a little bit. I don't know.
Some of that I guess I could have said. Jerry
in the Jar claims the 49ers are like watching that
tiny floating turd that just continues to circle the drain.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
Ew.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Absolutely not a burner, writes in, says congrats on the
successful meet and greet. I hope to make it to
one eventually. The story of the event, though, is that
one of your generals was able to sneak around the
gathering without being noticed. Oh, look at that. I didn't
realize Ferg Dog was there. I see him. I don't
see him. Was he hiding? Yeah, he was in the
(24:19):
back near the exit. And this is like seeing Bigfoot.
It is like seeing Bigfoot. Not a burner posted a photo.
And I did not recognize Ferg Dog. I did not
realize he was there. Look at that. Unbelievable. And he's
not wearing a Malheur Plus hat. What else do we have?
(24:40):
Let's see. Page down. Nostradinus writes in from a team
suffering from the championship hangover. He says, I understand fully
that the Rams' quartet of fossils, meaning Stifford, Adams, Garrett,
and Donald will together have more missed games from injuries
than Rams' wins. They'll get second in the division behind
(25:01):
the good guys once again. I didn't know you were
a Cardinals fan. I had no idea. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
All right. What else do we have? Let's see. Page down.
I can't read that. Eek in Roseville, Minnesota says, how
does Aaron Donald avoid blocks? Donald ducks. That's a dad joke.
(25:23):
right there. The Baltimore Freeloader account says the Orioles are
at 500 for the first time in five months, and
you lead with a broken-down quarterback. Let's cut to the chase.
How about some details on the free food in Vegas?
Lorena posted some pictures, more pictures than you did. But
(25:44):
no list, please. Well, no, there was no free food.
Nothing free. We had to pay for it. There was
some discounted food, but we didn't get any free We're
not cow herd status. We're not daytime radio. If you
do daytime radio, you get free food. Nighttime, you get
maybe a discount, maybe a discount. King Roy writes and says,
how great would it be if the Malheur militia sent
(26:04):
in their workout videos? I can picture them now. Well,
it's not easy to take that fork and wrap the
spaghetti around the fork and then eat the spaghetti. It's
not that easy. Late Night Drug Tester writes and he says,
I think the overnight workers need to start, he says,
The overnight workers need to start posting hype reels to
show off how good we look on the least desirable shift.
(26:29):
I think it's a great idea. Get some sizzle videos going,
and it'll be wonderful. Analog Al writes in. He says, Shanahan,
the Tesla accuser, is going to fail miserably, in my opinion.
He needs to come clean. We moved on. That's two
scandals ago. That's like two or three scandals ago. So
(26:51):
we've moved on from that. Michael in Tulsa writes, and
he says, the only thing more traditional than NFC West
football in Australia is TCU versus North Carolina in Dublin, Ireland. Yeah,
that was impressive. That was very nice there to see that.
Kathy in Madison checks in, says, listening to the Ben
Maller Show tonight on KRLV out of Las Vegas. I
(27:15):
like that Kathy just changes affiliates regularly. On a nightly basis,
like one night she'll be listening to the L.A. affiliate
and she'll move over to Boston. Now she's in Vegas
and she does not listen to the local station in Madison,
which I don't know what that's about. But bad job
by you. But she likes to listen to the different stations.
They all kind of sound the same after a while
because our show's on every one of these stations. Let's
(27:37):
go to the phones, and let's see. Who do we have? Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,
and we say hello. Here's a name we haven't heard
in a while. Tiger Man! He was at one of
the Mallard meet and greets a couple years ago, but
not this year. Hello, Tiger Man!
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Ben, long time no talk. Good to hear from you.
Good to talk to you. Go Tigers. It's game week,
of course. You know, Ben, I'm just a little bit confused. So,
you know, I love FSR, of course. And some people
on this channel are a little bit high on the Bears.
(28:13):
And then other people, not to mention names, but somebody
that comes on before you on Sunday nights, Artie Spanier,
pretty high on the Dolphins. So I'm a little bit
confused why nobody's high on the Pats, the Broncos, the Chiefs.
or the Ravens for this year. It seems like those
four teams have been– oh, and the Lions. It seems
(28:35):
like everybody's– all those teams have been kind of in
the mix and nobody's high on them at all.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Well, you know what I'm going to do? I'll put
you on hold and then I'll call every other talk
show host here at Fox Sports Radio and I'll do
a round robin. Some of them are sleeping right now
and I'll wake them up. Great idea, man. No, I
think this is a good idea. So you have a question,
Tiger Man, and I'll text Rob Parker right now or
I'll call Harmon. He's on his way home still. And
(29:02):
Jason Smith, I'll reach out to them. Who else? Rob Parker.
Do you have an issue with him, Rob?
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Listen, Ben, I don't have an issue with anyone. I mean, listen,
for all we know, Arnie's Dolphins could definitely go to
the Super Bowl. I mean, who are we to judge?
But everybody's just really high on the Bears. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
There is a better chance. Let me be very clear here.
There is a better chance of Arnie Spanier winning Mr.
Olympia than the Dolphins getting to the Super Bowl. How
about that? Calm down. No, there is a better chance
that Arnie's going to win some kind of strongman competition
than the Dolphins. They're not trying to go to the
Super Bowl. You know how you know the Dolphins are
(29:44):
going to suck? They made the most waiver claims at
roster cut down day. That means they know their roster
blows and they're just holding a tryout, like a naked
run here, a casting couch essentially to see who can
play for the Dolphins this year. You're back for college
football season now. Did you play in the NFL? Because
(30:06):
if you did, I think Lane Kiffin would like to
bring you to LSU. So that's always a possibility. You
might have some eligibility left there. You can be a
bounce-back player and go play in Baton Rouge.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
So everybody's giving him a lot of, I guess, heck
about it. But if you really think about it, every
first-year head coach has always had a lot of buzz
about And why wouldn't a first-year head coach from a
former SEC school want to make a lot of buzz?
He's not necessarily doing anything wrong. He's following court orders.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Hey, Tiger Man, he went to court to get the
court order. He supposedly, if you believe the story, was
the mastermind behind putting the legal case out there into
the heavens.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
What, what did Lane Kiffin actually do wrong? Like when
it comes down to it, what did he do wrong?
Like nobody can actually say, okay, like, yeah, sure. It's
a little bit fishy, but these players would have stayed
in college. They would have made more money than being
cut by the Browns or, or the Buccaneers. Like these,
(31:16):
you know, these players didn't have a future in college.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
So, So these players made a decision. It's a one
lane road and lanes trying to repave the road and
make it a two way road. But it's been a
one way road where if you go that direction, that's it.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
You're.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
You're there.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
I guess if you're saying, like, yes, if you had
to ask him, do you actually care about these players?
He'll probably say, like, you know, you got one-on-one. He'll
probably say no. But at the end of the day,
his job is to just make sure he has an advantage.
And any other head coach.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
Oh, you are such a. Are you wearing your. You
get your LSU cheerleading outfit on today. What do you got?
What are you wearing here, Tiger?
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Any other school could do it. Nobody's stopping Notre Dame.
Nobody's stopping USC. Nobody's stopping Alabama.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
All right, this is the everyone's doing it defense. I
got you. I got you. All right, well, listen, Tiger Man,
we love you. We'll talk to you in seven months,
I think.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Thanks, Ben. Have a great night.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
There he goes, our friend Tiger Man. All right, well,
one of the stars of the big Maller meet and greet,
we got to hang out with this man, and he
did have the, The glasses. He had the magic glasses on.
He might have been recording us the whole time. He
claims that they were not working. Although I have heard
stories that you can jerry-rig those glasses, those meta-glasses, that
(32:36):
you can make sure the light doesn't come on in
your recording. So there might be some tapes of metaphor Kyle.
and of us just wandering around. But who knows? He's
the star of the show in Vegas. Hello, Metaphor Kyle!
Speaker 4 (32:48):
What's going on? What's going on, Ben? First off, let
me say, I didn't know that many people recognized who
I was just from my voice. I mean, I didn't
think I had a distinct voice. People were coming up
to me left and right. Heck, even you knew who
I was by my voice. But, you know, then again... Also,
I wanted to make sure that you guys liked the
toiletries that I bought you, the pleasantries that I bought you.
(33:11):
How did you enjoy those cheese-its? It's weird saying it
like that.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
I guess when you're talking about plural, you can say cheese-its, right?
But no, they're delicious.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Good, good.
Speaker 4 (33:25):
Ben, I know I was going to order chicken fingers
for us, but.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
No, it's fine. It's one of the most unique gifts
I've gotten, so I do... I do thank you. And
I was trying to explain to my wife. She said,
where did you get that? I said, well, you know,
it's a long story.
Speaker 4 (33:41):
It's been our thing for the past two years that
I've been calling. I mean, that was like the first
topic of discussion that we had where I agreed with
you that ranch is absolutely disgusting with pretty much anything.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
And for those that weren't there, you were very kind
and you brought me a very nice bottle of honey mustard.
Speaker 4 (34:01):
The best kind.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Yeah, Ken's Honey Mustard, which we love, and that's the
top honey mustard on the market. And so what did
you get, Lorena? What did you get, Lorena? What did
you end up with there? He got me a rose.
A rose? But why didn't I get a rose? You
don't love me? And I'm drying it out so I
can save it.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Oh, okay.
Speaker 4 (34:17):
No, Ben, actually, the honey mustard, listen, and I thought
about it just now. I was like, I got everybody
something that can expire except for Coop.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
Except for the coffee.
Speaker 4 (34:27):
Rose expires. The honey mustard, it's not, you know, well,
it's on the shelf.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
Yeah, yeah, it'll last.
Speaker 4 (34:33):
Does it count?
Speaker 1 (34:34):
It'll last a long time. There's a lot of, you know,
stuff in the, let's just say stuff in the honey mustard.
It's not going to expire anytime soon. It might outlast humanity.
You know, there might be a bottle of honey mustard.
on a shelf somewhere.
Speaker 4 (34:45):
If you don't bag those, if you don't tie down
those Cheez-Its, right? I don't like saying it like that.
I'm just going to say it the way we've been
saying it for years, Cheez-Its. If you don't tie down
the Cheez-Its right, they get stale. So, I mean, I
guess technically you come out ahead of everybody on that.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
That's right. Look at that. I'll be enjoying delicious honey
mustard for many, many months here.
Speaker 4 (35:05):
And by 2050, you'll be enjoying it.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
I don't know about that, but absolutely. Well, Kyle, it
was great meeting you, buddy. I'm glad you came out.
I hope you had a good time. What, what, what, what, what?
Speaker 2 (35:15):
What?
Speaker 1 (35:16):
What?
Speaker 3 (35:16):
Two things.
Speaker 4 (35:17):
One, Tiger Man, don't talk about my Bears, okay? The
Bears are what they are because whatever team you're rooting for,
they don't have the capacity to build like the Bears did.
That was number one. Number two, listen, my hot take
for this season, Aaron Donald only plays seven games, and
it'll be the seven most important games, and he'll come
in around crunch time when Miles Garrett gets tired.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
All right.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
Hey, as long as he plays in the playoffs, I
don't really care if he plays in the regular season.
Speaker 4 (35:44):
I mean, does it make a difference if he plays
in the playoffs or not? I mean, 35, the annual
road play, like you said, you can't play full game
speed in a while. It's a little bit different.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
You'd like to think that it doesn't matter, but it's
like having extra frosting. You don't really need it, but
it's kind of cool to have it.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
True.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
And if it doesn't work out, can he elect to
go back to college to play.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Some more college football? Yes, he's going to go to
Pitt before.
Speaker 4 (36:09):
That seems like a good idea. At least I got
the fun stuff at Penn.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Yeah, well, yeah. All right. Well, there we go. Thank you.
There he goes. Our friend Kyle. Metaphor Kyle. What a
great personality he has. So nice to meet you. Nature
Boy says, how did E.T. 's hand get in the picture?
I don't know. E.T. phone home. I have no idea.
Let's see here. Doug says, Arnie came to the realization
that the Dolphins aren't winning yesterday.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Hmm.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Because he's probably watching old highlights of Dan Marino, and
he just figured it was going to work out. We'll
push back the gotta have love. Gotta have love. We'll
push that story back. Time now, though, for the Who
Am I game. And this is where we pretend to
be somebody else, and you've got to figure out who
we are. So at 42 years of age and 34 days,
Toronto's Max Scherzer.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Who?
Speaker 1 (36:58):
Recently became the oldest pitcher with 10-plus strikeouts and one
or more one or no hits allowed in a game
since me. Again, at 42 years of age, 34 days,
42 years and 34 days of age, Toronto's Max Scherzer
became the oldest pitcher with 10 or more strikeouts and
one or no hits allowed in a game since me.
(37:21):
Who am I? That is the question and the answer.
We'll get to it, and we will do it next.
Speaker 3 (37:27):
Who? Be sure to catch live editions of the Ben
Maller Show weekdays at 2 a.m. Eastern, 11 p.m. Pacific.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
The Ben Maller Show on Fox Sports Radio. Five nights
a week you get the Ben Maller Show. And then
on weekends, the Audio Sweatshop does not stop. The Fifth
Hour Podcast. Every single Friday, Saturday, Sunday, new episodes of
the Fifth Hour Podcast drop. So check that out. As
(37:54):
only you can get it in the podcast format. Not
available anywhere else.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
It's the Fifth Hour Podcast. Subscribe to that. It's your
good mitts for the day there. We thank you in advance.
And it could improve your life. Could is a weasel word.
It probably will not. It'll just give you something else
to listen to. A lot of bad stuff to listen to.
You need some at least marginal things to listen to.
So check that out. Back to it we go, and
(38:24):
time now for the Who Am I game.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Who?
Speaker 1 (38:28):
And this is where we pretend to be somebody else,
thus we call it the Who Am I game. And
we go to baseball. We're at 42 years and 34
days old. Toronto's Max Scherzer became the oldest pitcher with
10 or more strikeouts and one or no hits allowed
in the game. Since me, who am I? That is
(38:50):
the question. What's the answer? Alf the Alien O'Piner from
his Alfmobile somewhere between Springfield and Worcester going with El Guapo,
the Red Sox legend. Bring back more fat pitchers in baseball.
We need Fatty. We need Fatty in baseball. Femi, the
(39:10):
top Uber Eats delivery driver in the Twin Cities, and
he's a fan of our show and very generous. The
great Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan. What else do we have?
Let's see. Carl the Janitor, the eyes and ears of
Shermer High School from Mark the Walker. Well, thank you
for that. What else do we have? Page Dan. Curmudgeon
(39:31):
says you are meathead. That's Curmudgeon Wayne in Duluth. Lawn
God Larry says NFL's most famous groundskeeper, George Toma, nicknamed
the sod father and the god of sod. Did we
mention him? Bad job by you, Lawn God Larry. We
mentioned George Toma in a recent Malheur monologue. Truck Stop
(39:52):
Fungus is going with Blind Scott's medicine cabinet, which is
very large. Not Blind Austin says, metaphor Kyle, not easily
recognizable voice. Do you have an answer, Lorraine? Wiley Coyote. No,
the correct answer is Nolan Ryan. Nolan Ryan. Nolan Ryan.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Nolan Ryan.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
Nolan Ryan.
Boom goes the dynamite. It's our number one of the
Ben Maller Show and a very, very happy. First day
of September. It is Tuesday, September 1st, and talking some
football this hour. We stayed up all night for the pod.
And at what point does wide receiver Brandon Iyuk realize
(00:23):
his protest is hurting Brandon Iyuk much more than it's
hurting the 49ers? He's lost over $ 50 million now with
no end in sight. Also, Aaron Donald says his longtime
speed trainer told him that he hasn't lost a step
since At age 35, what's the level of importance to this?
We'll talk about that. And also, how bad must Tua
(00:47):
Tungavailoa have looked for Atlanta to still be considering starting
a quarterback in Michael Penix Jr., who has been injured,
hasn't taken a preseason snap, and has a lot of
damaged goods? We'll talk about all that and more right now.
Here we go. It's our number one. The Cold War
(01:11):
continues in the NFL. Welcome in the beginning of another
night of the Ben Maller Show. We are in the
air everywhere. Flying the red-eye flight. Just the homeboys hanging
out here as we open the audio door. Coast to coast,
(01:34):
border to border, and beyond on the vast end. Breathtakingly
powerful microphones of FSR emanating live from the post. The
trading post open for business. Guaranteed human. That's what the
slogan says. From the world-famous Fox Sports Radio studios where Alf, Fergdog,
(01:59):
and Malerpop guys say, we need hot takes now! They
demand it. And so do Mikey Cano, don't you know,
and Filler Up Phil, even Wayne, their curmudgeon who's always
complaining about something there in Duluth, and our buddy Doug
in South Korea. They're all demanding the hot takes. We
(02:20):
will not waste any time. Right there. Your one-stop shop
for the hot take. Now, I do want to remind you,
coming up later this hour, we will have the Who
Am I game. That'll be coming up later this hour.
And a lot of love this hour. Big hour of love.
We'll have that later on. Mallard of the Third Degree.
The Insta Trivia. That'll be an hour or two. We've
got the Riddle of the Day. Mallard's Mountain of Money,
(02:43):
that'll be popping up in hour three. And later on,
Sight the Bite, the great sports radio mystery. You'll be
long gone by Sight the Bite, so go back and
hear the podcast if you want to hear Sight the Bite. However,
don't bury the lead, my man! All right, we're not
going to bury the lead. So I assume the position,
I assume the position that a story that was popular
(03:07):
during the NFL offseason will be long gone by now.
The Cold War of football. But you know what happens
when you assume. And it has happened yet again. The
NFL Cold War continuing. Our lead this hour from San Francisco.
It's a rare 49er story that does not involve debauchery
of some kind. Whether it's Kyle Shanahan getting into a
(03:29):
mystery wreck and then radio silence for 11 days. Or
the owner of the team going to do the make
and whoopee at a trailer park in Ohio. East Palestine, Ohio.
That's where I always go to see a lady of
the night, or I guess lady of the morning. So
you had that, and then, of course, you have the
love story, the fake wide receiver who's been running around
(03:51):
stooping women, getting money from them, pretending to be on
the 49ers. Well, this is not that. So we have
a legitimate 49er wide receiver, Brandon Iook, who remains at
loggerheads with the franchise. The general manager, John Lynch, commenting
on this saying, nothing has changed. Three words, nothing has
(04:11):
changed from John Lynch. Now, Brandon Ike remains on the
reserve left. The squad essentially went AWOL, the NFL's version
of AWOL. I don't know if you saw this or not.
So he doesn't count against the 49ers roster as they
get ready to head to Australia to take on the
LA Rams in an NFC West slobber knocker. Because when
you think NFC West football, You think Australia. Doesn't get
(04:36):
any more authentic than that. Anyway, John Lynch continued, said
he's just not on our roster. Lynch, the executive. I
worked for his boss in San Diego. His boss, John
Lynch's dad, ran the radio cluster that I worked for
in San Diego. Anyway, Brandon Ayuk was scheduled to receive $ 24.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
9 million.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
And an option bonus, that would be here on September
1st as we head into September 1st. We're still late
on the 31st of August in the West. The show
we're doing is for September 1st. So anyway, the point
is that he was due to get a roster bonus
of $ 24. 9 million. But Lynch confirmed ixnay on the money
(05:22):
for the wide receiver. As he will not be getting
that money. The Niners don't owe him the money. Because
the team says that he defaulted on his contract. You
know how hard it is to default on a contract?
It's just basically have a pulse, you get the money.
Have a pulse, you get the money. And he's effed
that up. So that is a good jumping off point.
(05:43):
Let us discuss the question. At what point... At what
point does Brandon Iook realize that his protest, and he's
locked in, he's bunkered down in this protest, is actually
hurting Brandon Iook more than it is the 49ers? All right,
so my thoughts on this, I've got shopping at Lids, barbershop,
(06:07):
and diving board. And we will combine all of these
things together, and we are going to have some delicious
orange chicken and chow mein. is what we're going to have. So, A,
to begin here, this has gone from a contract dispute,
which even that, you're like, well, is it really a
(06:29):
contract dispute? Because Brandon and I got the money. He
got the contract he wanted, in theory, and it's gone
from whatever that was, right, whatever that was, to just
the Olympics of stubbornness. Congratulations, you're in the Olympics. What
kind of Olympics? Oh, it's the Olympics of stubbornness. Oh, great.
Except Brandon Iok is the only contestant selling himself and
(06:54):
lighting himself on fire. His own wallet is being lit
on fire while he's selling himself to the world public
on social media, demanding to play for the commanders and this, that,
and the other thing. And so he's selling himself and
then also burning his wallet on fire at the same time.
So he's wasting the prime years of his career, which
it seems like it's over at this point based on,
(07:16):
today that he's not going to play again in a
meaningful role in the NFL. So he's battling. He's in
an argument he cannot win. Think about that. You know
you cannot win the argument, and yet you're fully engaged
in the argument. The man has locked himself into one
of those escape rooms and swallowed the key. Abracadabra. Good
(07:40):
luck getting out without the key. You can't do it. Now, meanwhile,
the 49ers.
They're sitting up and they're a lazy boy. They got
their feet up. They got some lemonade. They're enjoying themselves,
resting nice and comfortably. Because NFL rules, the bylaws allow
them to leave Brandon Iook in a contractual squabble, in purgatory,
(08:03):
while owing him nothing. To infinity and beyond! They don't
have to do anything. And so for our purposes, bravo
to the wide receiver, Brandon Iook, who should be shopping
over at Lids. Go over there, get a nice cap.
We recommend the golden headwear for Brandon Iook. Now get
that golden headwear right there. And I recommend the royal
(08:26):
dunce cap. Dum-da-dum-dum-dum! Yes, after holding the financial bonfire... And
so far, if my mallor math is correct, he is torched.
Roughly $ 53 million, which, oh, by the way, I looked
a few hours ago, is less than almost all the
(08:48):
state lotteries. He had the lottery, and he burned, baby,
burned the lottery. $ 50- plus million between guaranteed money and option bonuses.
So bravo, bravo, bravo, bravo. Way to go. All right.
What exactly is the endgame here, you ask? Well, San
(09:10):
Francisco has to do nothing. They can just twiddle their
thumbs and wait for their owner to go to another
trailer park and their coach to go driving his Tesla.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Wink, wink.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
And all that. And Brian and I can scream and
shout and let it all out on social media. The
grandfather clock keeps ticking away.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
Tick, tick, tick.
Speaker 1 (09:30):
Just like that. And eventually... You're not teaching the big,
bad 49ers a lesson. You're paying $ 52 million, Brandon Iyok,
in tuition to teach yourself a lesson. And someday you'll
go around to airport seminars and say, I'm the guy
that burned $ 50 million because I was making a point. Well,
(09:54):
he can't have dinner now with Le'Veon Bell, who did
not burn that much money but chose to hang out
in his backpack hammock there in miami rather than play
for the steelers years ago and then was sentenced to
play for the jets all right meanwhile to los angeles
we go follow up to the follow-up to the follow-up
aaron donald returning the rams at age 35 you know
(10:15):
about that two seasons in a gap situation. He went
on sabbatical for a couple years. Donald insisting that he
remains physically capable of playing at a high level. That's
what he said. In fact, he says he stayed in
shape by weightlifting.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Conditioning and full speed treadmill work. Sounds like my random Wednesday.
Did all that stuff. Now, entering the chat, Aaron Donald
brought up his long time, long time speed trainer. Who
doesn't have a speed trainer? You don't? But I met
the Mallard Militia in Vegas. I mean, all those guys
(10:55):
have speed trainers. Good looking people. They have a need
for speed. Anyway, the speed trainer... Dwayne Brown, who has
known Donald since he was in high school, worked with him.
And Aaron Donald glowingly said, listen, this guy evaluated me.
And his decision was that Aaron Donald had not missed
(11:19):
a step. Despite two years on the shelf, he had
not missed a step. Now, Donald spent roughly three months,
he says, preparing to come back to the Rams, dragging
it out. to the 11th hour, said it was a
long process, and he's ready to go. And the Rams
are being coy about whether or not he'll play against
(11:40):
the Niners in Australia. What's the point? What are you
saving him for? All right, question. Aaron Donald says his
longtime speed coach told him that he has not lost
a step. What's the level of importance to that line
by Aaron Donald? See, You ask me, level of importance. Somewhere,
(12:04):
to quote the great Jim Mora, somewhere between diddly and squat. Ergo,
diddly squat. Come on. We're supposed to buy that Aaron
Donald's comeback is going to work out glowingly because his
personal trainer gave the old thumbs up. Really? That's what
(12:25):
we're doing. Of course, the trainer, the speed coach is
going to say, hey, you look great. What else was
he supposed to say? Aaron, I got to tell you, man,
you're cooked. You are cooked. Get out of here. It's
kind of like going to the neighborhood barbershop and asking
your barber how the haircut looks after he's just finished
(12:46):
the haircut. What do you expect the barber to say? Boy,
I really screwed that one up. Oh, man. You might
want to go with the shaved head look now because
it's not really working for you. Yeah. Workout videos also.
I've learned this over the years. It used to drive
me nuts and I used to rant about guys doing
weight lifting workout videos and all that. The workout videos
(13:07):
are football porn for fans. That's it. They're pornography. Workout
videos are pornography for football fans. That's what they are.
And Everybody looks fantastic. Because you don't post it if
you don't look fantastic. Everyone looks fantastic until, of course,
the rubber meets the road when the games begin and
(13:27):
you forget the stopwatch. Aaron Donald His whole performance with
the Rams back when he became the greatest defensive player
of his generation was based on violence and leverage. He's
35 and barring some kind of amazing pharmaceuticals, generally you
slow down in an athletic environment around that age. So,
of course, I will point out nobody loses a step
(13:50):
in August or even September. They lose their step in November.
The games start piling up, and the question is not
whether Aaron Donald can go out and dominate against the
Niners or somebody else the Rams play early in the year.
The question is whether or not Aaron Donald can survive
(14:11):
50 snaps on a Sunday and then do it again
seven days later over and over and over and become
the Energizer Bunny. The key to this, and this is
something like Nostradamus and J.J. and Renton and the trolls
don't understand. To expect Aaron Donald to be exactly what
he was, a carbon copy, is not going to happen. However,
(14:34):
if Aaron Donald can give the Rams 70% of the vintage,
that is a home run. That is not a base hit.
That's a home run for the Rams. Anything more than 70%
is obscene. for what that defense should be. And so
the Rams have assembled. I've read everything online. I've learned
the Rams have assembled the greatest defense ever created on
(14:56):
an iPad. So congratulations on that. Yes. Way to go. Now, unfortunately,
as with all these things, as we pointed out, you
actually have to play the games. You have to wear
the uniform, the shoulder pads, the jockstrap, and all that stuff.
So that's when we will find out whether or not
this is the reality of the situation. All right, last word.
We head now to the most pathetic quarterback competition in
(15:19):
the NFL. We thought the Cleveland Browns had owned that
title as the most despicable quarterback controversy in pro football.
But no, the Atlanta Hawks said, wait a minute. What
about us? Hold my beer. So we are told the
Falcons are bemused about whether or not Michael Penix Jr.,
(15:43):
should start over to a tongue of Iloa.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
What?
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Yes, week one against the Pittsburgh football team. Now, we
are told that Atlanta has not decided. Everyone else has decided.
Not Atlanta on who their quarterback is going to be.
So the question is rather obvious. We'll ask it anyway.
You can answer it rhetorically or you can call in
later or send a snarky comment on X. How bad,
(16:11):
here's the question, how bad must Tua Tunga-Vailoa have looked
in practice, not the game, forget the game, she's talking
about practice, for Atlanta to still be considering, with the
NFL beginning next week, for the NFL's Atlanta Falcons to
still be considering starting a quarterback, Michael Pennex Jr., who
(16:34):
has been broken, hasn't played a snap yet, in preseason
action and doesn't appear to be fully medically ready to go.
And yet, it certainly sounds like they're leaning towards Pennex
to be the quarterback there for the Dirty Birds. So
Tua Tungabailoa walked into Atlanta. I must stress how crazy
(16:55):
this is. He left the Dolphins because he sucked there
and they got rid of him. And so Tua goes
into Georgia with the starting job practically waiting at baggage claim.
Just get off the plane, go to carousel three at
the baggage claim. Okay, not carousel four, not five, three. Okay,
I'll go to carousel three. Go to the baggage claim.
(17:17):
And somehow they didn't lose his luggage. He couldn't find
his own luggage. How did that happen? And so Tua
is performing like he's Chick-fil-A. He doesn't work on Sunday.
What are you doing? There is no reasonable explanation. for
a quarterback competition to still exist, other than the fact
(17:38):
that Tua, during training camp, was climbing up the ladder
to the diving board and has done a full-on belly whopper. Cowabunga, dude! Yeah,
just like that. So think about it. Tua was brought
in specifically because Michael Pennex Jr. was not going to
be ready. And now Tua's apparently not ready. Yikes! And
(18:04):
Penix hasn't even adjusted yet. I was reading some of
the stories. They say, well, he's not really up to
speed in terms of he can throw the ball. They
don't know what's going to happen if he gets sacked. Yes,
he doesn't know how to avoid pressure. That seems like
it's going to be a thing. What do I know?
I didn't play in the NFL, right? Yes, a reconstructed knee,
(18:25):
which I think is still under warranty. And you've got Atlanta,
who's sitting there right now biting their fingernails, And they're
looking across the quarterback room and they're like, well, yeah,
I know the guy's got a bum knee and he
hadn't played, but we kind of like that guy. How
damning is that? The Falcons are essentially deciding whether 80%
(18:48):
of Michael Penix Jr. or even less than that is
over 100%, better than 100% of Tua Tungabailoa. And that
doesn't sound like a quarterback controversy on this side of
the microphone. That is a mayday, mayday call from flowery branch.
It's a dead flowery branch there. It really is. And
(19:09):
so Tua had an open highway, open highway for QB1 status,
and somehow drove into the medium. And he wasn't drinking
and just was distracted. Maybe he had that self-driving Tesla
like Kyle Shanahan did. Wink, wink, nod, nod. At this rate, though.
The Atlanta Falcons and the career of Tua Tungabailoa at
(19:30):
this moment here. They are riding on the express elevator,
and they're going right to Clipboard City. Population Tua. Yikes.
All right, here's the Ben Maller Show. If you would
like to be part, you can join us. The lines
open abracadabra, hocus pocus. Just like that. Look, they're already ringing.
All right, call right now if you want. Get one
(19:51):
before they all fill up. 877-99 on Fox, even before
we give out the number.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
877-996-6369.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
Also on X, add Ben Maller. That is at Ben
Maller if you'd like to be part of the live program. Again,
later this hour we have the Who Am I game.
Read a lot of your witty comments, assuming they're worthy
of being read on the air, which they probably aren't,
but we'll try to make that happen. And again, later on,
(20:18):
the riddle, and we'll have the mountain of money, and
all that stuff. Straight ahead, though, it's a lot of love.
It's a lot of love. It's love in the air everywhere.
But what is it? We'll get to that, and we
will do it!
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Be sure to catch live editions of the Ben Maller
Show weekdays at 2 a.m. Eastern, 11 p.m. Pacific on
Fox Sports Radio and the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 1 (20:46):
Hey, it's Covino and Rich from Fox Sports Radio. Now,
in addition to hearing us live weekdays from 5 to
7 p.m. Eastern, 2 to 4 Pacific on Fox Sports Radio,
we're excited to announce a brand new YouTube channel for
the show. Yup, that's right. You can now watch Covino &
Rich live on YouTube every day. All you gotta do,
search Covino & Rich FSR on YouTube. Again, go to YouTube,
(21:09):
search Covino & Rich FSR. Check us out on YouTube, subscribe,
hit that thumbs up icon, and comment away. The Ben
Maller Show on Fox Sports Radio as we roll on
through the overnight hours. And a reminder, if you were
unable to... Attend the Malheur meet and greet in Vegas
(21:29):
for whatever reason. There are photos up. And I said
I would post more. That's a lie. I haven't posted
any more yet. And you didn't send me the photos either.
That's all. It's very busy. Very busy, as you know.
There's a lot going on. Power lunches. I had that.
A lot of stuff. A lot of stuff going on. So,
in the meantime, you can check out the photos that
(21:51):
are on. The Instagram and Facebook page for the show.
You should follow those accounts because it makes us feel
good and get those numbers a little higher there. And
we don't have to pay for bots. Too cheap to
do that. On the Facebook page, it's Ben Maller Show.
And on Instagram, it's Ben Maller on Fox. You want
(22:15):
to be part of this live radio show? 877-99 on Fox.
Did you guys hear from Wayne yesterday? 877-996-6369. Also on X,
at Ben Maller. That's at Ben Maller. You can say
hello to Lorena, FSR Tech Queen, and Coop at uh.
Bronco fan, your comments can and will be used against
(22:37):
you in the court of sports radio. Did you guys
hear from Wayne yesterday?
Speaker 2 (22:41):
No.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
No, I didn't hear from Wayne. Wayne in Missouri. Did
you hear from Wayne? I have not, no. Haven't heard
from Wayne. Well, Big Lou said he'd show up. He flaked. Lance,
the bus driver, flaked. Second year in a row, by
the way. Yeah, we're not naming him. If he says
he's going next year, he's not getting any publicity. He's
going to have to prove it first. Yeah, we're not
saying he's going to show up. False advertising. Nada from LAX,
(23:04):
no show. Didn't show up. I guess no divorce party.
I mean, it's in his name, Nada. Well, it's her.
Her name. Yes, that's, yeah. Then who else? Lance, the
bus driver, I mentioned him.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Moot.
Speaker 1 (23:15):
Mouthwash Mike was nowhere to be seen. We didn't see him.
Just hope he's in jail and not dead. Yeah, you
never know. I did see a lot of homeless people
driving around Vegas. They're everywhere. And I did not see
Mouthwash Mike. Curmudgeon Wayne in Duluth says after that train
wreck in East Palestine, Ohio, having Nookie... with a young
(23:36):
lady there would be like going somewhere where they're growing Chernobyl.
I cleaned that up a little bit. I don't know.
Some of that I guess I could have said. Jerry
in the Jar claims the 49ers are like watching that
tiny floating turd that just continues to circle the drain.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
Ew.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Absolutely not a burner, writes in, says congrats on the
successful meet and greet. I hope to make it to
one eventually. The story of the event, though, is that
one of your generals was able to sneak around the
gathering without being noticed. Oh, look at that. I didn't
realize Ferg Dog was there. I see him. I don't
see him. Was he hiding? Yeah, he was in the
(24:19):
back near the exit. And this is like seeing Bigfoot.
It is like seeing Bigfoot. Not a burner posted a photo.
And I did not recognize Ferg Dog. I did not
realize he was there. Look at that. Unbelievable. And he's
not wearing a Malheur Plus hat. What else do we have?
(24:40):
Let's see. Page down. Nostradinus writes in from a team
suffering from the championship hangover. He says, I understand fully
that the Rams' quartet of fossils, meaning Stifford, Adams, Garrett,
and Donald will together have more missed games from injuries
than Rams' wins. They'll get second in the division behind
(25:01):
the good guys once again. I didn't know you were
a Cardinals fan. I had no idea. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
All right. What else do we have? Let's see. Page down.
I can't read that. Eek in Roseville, Minnesota says, how
does Aaron Donald avoid blocks? Donald ducks. That's a dad joke.
(25:23):
right there. The Baltimore Freeloader account says the Orioles are
at 500 for the first time in five months, and
you lead with a broken-down quarterback. Let's cut to the chase.
How about some details on the free food in Vegas?
Lorena posted some pictures, more pictures than you did. But
(25:44):
no list, please. Well, no, there was no free food.
Nothing free. We had to pay for it. There was
some discounted food, but we didn't get any free We're
not cow herd status. We're not daytime radio. If you
do daytime radio, you get free food. Nighttime, you get
maybe a discount, maybe a discount. King Roy writes and says,
how great would it be if the Malheur militia sent
(26:04):
in their workout videos? I can picture them now. Well,
it's not easy to take that fork and wrap the
spaghetti around the fork and then eat the spaghetti. It's
not that easy. Late Night Drug Tester writes and he says,
I think the overnight workers need to start, he says,
The overnight workers need to start posting hype reels to
show off how good we look on the least desirable shift.
(26:29):
I think it's a great idea. Get some sizzle videos going,
and it'll be wonderful. Analog Al writes in. He says, Shanahan,
the Tesla accuser, is going to fail miserably, in my opinion.
He needs to come clean. We moved on. That's two
scandals ago. That's like two or three scandals ago. So
(26:51):
we've moved on from that. Michael in Tulsa writes, and
he says, the only thing more traditional than NFC West
football in Australia is TCU versus North Carolina in Dublin, Ireland. Yeah,
that was impressive. That was very nice there to see that.
Kathy in Madison checks in, says, listening to the Ben
Maller Show tonight on KRLV out of Las Vegas. I
(27:15):
like that Kathy just changes affiliates regularly. On a nightly basis,
like one night she'll be listening to the L.A. affiliate
and she'll move over to Boston. Now she's in Vegas
and she does not listen to the local station in Madison,
which I don't know what that's about. But bad job
by you. But she likes to listen to the different stations.
They all kind of sound the same after a while
because our show's on every one of these stations. Let's
(27:37):
go to the phones, and let's see. Who do we have? Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,
and we say hello. Here's a name we haven't heard
in a while. Tiger Man! He was at one of
the Mallard meet and greets a couple years ago, but
not this year. Hello, Tiger Man!
Speaker 2 (27:52):
Ben, long time no talk. Good to hear from you.
Good to talk to you. Go Tigers. It's game week,
of course. You know, Ben, I'm just a little bit confused. So,
you know, I love FSR, of course. And some people
on this channel are a little bit high on the Bears.
(28:13):
And then other people, not to mention names, but somebody
that comes on before you on Sunday nights, Artie Spanier,
pretty high on the Dolphins. So I'm a little bit
confused why nobody's high on the Pats, the Broncos, the Chiefs.
or the Ravens for this year. It seems like those
four teams have been– oh, and the Lions. It seems
(28:35):
like everybody's– all those teams have been kind of in
the mix and nobody's high on them at all.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
Well, you know what I'm going to do? I'll put
you on hold and then I'll call every other talk
show host here at Fox Sports Radio and I'll do
a round robin. Some of them are sleeping right now
and I'll wake them up. Great idea, man. No, I
think this is a good idea. So you have a question,
Tiger Man, and I'll text Rob Parker right now or
I'll call Harmon. He's on his way home still. And
(29:02):
Jason Smith, I'll reach out to them. Who else? Rob Parker.
Do you have an issue with him, Rob?
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Listen, Ben, I don't have an issue with anyone. I mean, listen,
for all we know, Arnie's Dolphins could definitely go to
the Super Bowl. I mean, who are we to judge?
But everybody's just really high on the Bears. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
There is a better chance. Let me be very clear here.
There is a better chance of Arnie Spanier winning Mr.
Olympia than the Dolphins getting to the Super Bowl. How
about that? Calm down. No, there is a better chance
that Arnie's going to win some kind of strongman competition
than the Dolphins. They're not trying to go to the
Super Bowl. You know how you know the Dolphins are
(29:44):
going to suck? They made the most waiver claims at
roster cut down day. That means they know their roster
blows and they're just holding a tryout, like a naked
run here, a casting couch essentially to see who can
play for the Dolphins this year. You're back for college
football season now. Did you play in the NFL? Because
(30:06):
if you did, I think Lane Kiffin would like to
bring you to LSU. So that's always a possibility. You
might have some eligibility left there. You can be a
bounce-back player and go play in Baton Rouge.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
So everybody's giving him a lot of, I guess, heck
about it. But if you really think about it, every
first-year head coach has always had a lot of buzz
about And why wouldn't a first-year head coach from a
former SEC school want to make a lot of buzz?
He's not necessarily doing anything wrong. He's following court orders.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Hey, Tiger Man, he went to court to get the
court order. He supposedly, if you believe the story, was
the mastermind behind putting the legal case out there into
the heavens.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
What, what did Lane Kiffin actually do wrong? Like when
it comes down to it, what did he do wrong?
Like nobody can actually say, okay, like, yeah, sure. It's
a little bit fishy, but these players would have stayed
in college. They would have made more money than being
cut by the Browns or, or the Buccaneers. Like these,
(31:16):
you know, these players didn't have a future in college.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
So, So these players made a decision. It's a one
lane road and lanes trying to repave the road and
make it a two way road. But it's been a
one way road where if you go that direction, that's it.
Speaker 2 (31:32):
You're.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
You're there.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
I guess if you're saying, like, yes, if you had
to ask him, do you actually care about these players?
He'll probably say, like, you know, you got one-on-one. He'll
probably say no. But at the end of the day,
his job is to just make sure he has an advantage.
And any other head coach.
Speaker 1 (31:49):
Oh, you are such a. Are you wearing your. You
get your LSU cheerleading outfit on today. What do you got?
What are you wearing here, Tiger?
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Any other school could do it. Nobody's stopping Notre Dame.
Nobody's stopping USC. Nobody's stopping Alabama.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
All right, this is the everyone's doing it defense. I
got you. I got you. All right, well, listen, Tiger Man,
we love you. We'll talk to you in seven months,
I think.
Speaker 2 (32:10):
Thanks, Ben. Have a great night.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
There he goes, our friend Tiger Man. All right, well,
one of the stars of the big Maller meet and greet,
we got to hang out with this man, and he
did have the, The glasses. He had the magic glasses on.
He might have been recording us the whole time. He
claims that they were not working. Although I have heard
stories that you can jerry-rig those glasses, those meta-glasses, that
(32:36):
you can make sure the light doesn't come on in
your recording. So there might be some tapes of metaphor Kyle.
and of us just wandering around. But who knows? He's
the star of the show in Vegas. Hello, Metaphor Kyle!
Speaker 4 (32:48):
What's going on? What's going on, Ben? First off, let
me say, I didn't know that many people recognized who
I was just from my voice. I mean, I didn't
think I had a distinct voice. People were coming up
to me left and right. Heck, even you knew who
I was by my voice. But, you know, then again... Also,
I wanted to make sure that you guys liked the
toiletries that I bought you, the pleasantries that I bought you.
(33:11):
How did you enjoy those cheese-its? It's weird saying it
like that.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
I guess when you're talking about plural, you can say cheese-its, right?
But no, they're delicious.
Speaker 2 (33:24):
Good, good.
Speaker 4 (33:25):
Ben, I know I was going to order chicken fingers
for us, but.
Speaker 1 (33:30):
No, it's fine. It's one of the most unique gifts
I've gotten, so I do... I do thank you. And
I was trying to explain to my wife. She said,
where did you get that? I said, well, you know,
it's a long story.
Speaker 4 (33:41):
It's been our thing for the past two years that
I've been calling. I mean, that was like the first
topic of discussion that we had where I agreed with
you that ranch is absolutely disgusting with pretty much anything.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
And for those that weren't there, you were very kind
and you brought me a very nice bottle of honey mustard.
Speaker 4 (34:01):
The best kind.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Yeah, Ken's Honey Mustard, which we love, and that's the
top honey mustard on the market. And so what did
you get, Lorena? What did you get, Lorena? What did
you end up with there? He got me a rose.
A rose? But why didn't I get a rose? You
don't love me? And I'm drying it out so I
can save it.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Oh, okay.
Speaker 4 (34:17):
No, Ben, actually, the honey mustard, listen, and I thought
about it just now. I was like, I got everybody
something that can expire except for Coop.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
Except for the coffee.
Speaker 4 (34:27):
Rose expires. The honey mustard, it's not, you know, well,
it's on the shelf.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
Yeah, yeah, it'll last.
Speaker 4 (34:33):
Does it count?
Speaker 1 (34:34):
It'll last a long time. There's a lot of, you know,
stuff in the, let's just say stuff in the honey mustard.
It's not going to expire anytime soon. It might outlast humanity.
You know, there might be a bottle of honey mustard.
on a shelf somewhere.
Speaker 4 (34:45):
If you don't bag those, if you don't tie down
those Cheez-Its, right? I don't like saying it like that.
I'm just going to say it the way we've been
saying it for years, Cheez-Its. If you don't tie down
the Cheez-Its right, they get stale. So, I mean, I
guess technically you come out ahead of everybody on that.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
That's right. Look at that. I'll be enjoying delicious honey
mustard for many, many months here.
Speaker 4 (35:05):
And by 2050, you'll be enjoying it.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
I don't know about that, but absolutely. Well, Kyle, it
was great meeting you, buddy. I'm glad you came out.
I hope you had a good time. What, what, what, what, what?
Speaker 2 (35:15):
What?
Speaker 1 (35:16):
What?
Speaker 3 (35:16):
Two things.
Speaker 4 (35:17):
One, Tiger Man, don't talk about my Bears, okay? The
Bears are what they are because whatever team you're rooting for,
they don't have the capacity to build like the Bears did.
That was number one. Number two, listen, my hot take
for this season, Aaron Donald only plays seven games, and
it'll be the seven most important games, and he'll come
in around crunch time when Miles Garrett gets tired.
Speaker 2 (35:40):
All right.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
Hey, as long as he plays in the playoffs, I
don't really care if he plays in the regular season.
Speaker 4 (35:44):
I mean, does it make a difference if he plays
in the playoffs or not? I mean, 35, the annual
road play, like you said, you can't play full game
speed in a while. It's a little bit different.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
You'd like to think that it doesn't matter, but it's
like having extra frosting. You don't really need it, but
it's kind of cool to have it.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
True.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
And if it doesn't work out, can he elect to
go back to college to play.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
Some more college football? Yes, he's going to go to
Pitt before.
Speaker 4 (36:09):
That seems like a good idea. At least I got
the fun stuff at Penn.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Yeah, well, yeah. All right. Well, there we go. Thank you.
There he goes. Our friend Kyle. Metaphor Kyle. What a
great personality he has. So nice to meet you. Nature
Boy says, how did E.T. 's hand get in the picture?
I don't know. E.T. phone home. I have no idea.
Let's see here. Doug says, Arnie came to the realization
that the Dolphins aren't winning yesterday.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Hmm.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Because he's probably watching old highlights of Dan Marino, and
he just figured it was going to work out. We'll
push back the gotta have love. Gotta have love. We'll
push that story back. Time now, though, for the Who
Am I game. And this is where we pretend to
be somebody else, and you've got to figure out who
we are. So at 42 years of age and 34 days,
Toronto's Max Scherzer.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Who?
Speaker 1 (36:58):
Recently became the oldest pitcher with 10-plus strikeouts and one
or more one or no hits allowed in a game
since me. Again, at 42 years of age, 34 days,
42 years and 34 days of age, Toronto's Max Scherzer
became the oldest pitcher with 10 or more strikeouts and
one or no hits allowed in a game since me.
(37:21):
Who am I? That is the question and the answer.
We'll get to it, and we will do it next.
Speaker 3 (37:27):
Who? Be sure to catch live editions of the Ben
Maller Show weekdays at 2 a.m. Eastern, 11 p.m. Pacific.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
The Ben Maller Show on Fox Sports Radio. Five nights
a week you get the Ben Maller Show. And then
on weekends, the Audio Sweatshop does not stop. The Fifth
Hour Podcast. Every single Friday, Saturday, Sunday, new episodes of
the Fifth Hour Podcast drop. So check that out. As
(37:54):
only you can get it in the podcast format. Not
available anywhere else.
Speaker 2 (37:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
It's the Fifth Hour Podcast. Subscribe to that. It's your
good mitts for the day there. We thank you in advance.
And it could improve your life. Could is a weasel word.
It probably will not. It'll just give you something else
to listen to. A lot of bad stuff to listen to.
You need some at least marginal things to listen to.
So check that out. Back to it we go, and
(38:24):
time now for the Who Am I game.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
Who?
Speaker 1 (38:28):
And this is where we pretend to be somebody else,
thus we call it the Who Am I game. And
we go to baseball. We're at 42 years and 34
days old. Toronto's Max Scherzer became the oldest pitcher with
10 or more strikeouts and one or no hits allowed
in the game. Since me, who am I? That is
(38:50):
the question. What's the answer? Alf the Alien O'Piner from
his Alfmobile somewhere between Springfield and Worcester going with El Guapo,
the Red Sox legend. Bring back more fat pitchers in baseball.
We need Fatty. We need Fatty in baseball. Femi, the
(39:10):
top Uber Eats delivery driver in the Twin Cities, and
he's a fan of our show and very generous. The
great Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan. What else do we have?
Let's see. Carl the Janitor, the eyes and ears of
Shermer High School from Mark the Walker. Well, thank you
for that. What else do we have? Page Dan. Curmudgeon
(39:31):
says you are meathead. That's Curmudgeon Wayne in Duluth. Lawn
God Larry says NFL's most famous groundskeeper, George Toma, nicknamed
the sod father and the god of sod. Did we
mention him? Bad job by you, Lawn God Larry. We
mentioned George Toma in a recent Malheur monologue. Truck Stop
(39:52):
Fungus is going with Blind Scott's medicine cabinet, which is
very large. Not Blind Austin says, metaphor Kyle, not easily
recognizable voice. Do you have an answer, Lorraine? Wiley Coyote. No,
the correct answer is Nolan Ryan. Nolan Ryan. Nolan Ryan.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Nolan Ryan.
Speaker 1 (40:09):
Nolan Ryan.
Host
Ben Maller
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