John Aiken is one of the relationship experts on Married At First Sight, one of the people pairing up the brides and grooms and trying to help them build up a partnership.
The desire to find a match and be in a romantic relationship is common, spawning a variety of reality shows based entirely on the premise, MAFS being one of many.
The reason behind this, Aiken told Newstalk ZB’s Heather du Plessis-Allan, is that humans are wired to be with someone else.
“The companionship, and the support, and the communication you can get from it.”
“When you’re in an intimate relationship and you can have that, it’s very reassuring and grounding.”
Reality TV known more for its drama than its forming of lasting relationships and Married At First Sight is no different, with only five relationships still intact after over 11 seasons.
“You don’t really know whether they’re going to find the fairy tale or just blow up.”
Aiken’s role as an expert is to hold a mirror up to people’s behaviour and give them the hard truths and feedback they need for the partnership to be a success.
“When I look at them I’m not thinking about their personalities as in good or bad people, what I’m thinking about is their behaviours.”
“What is gonna sabotage this, and what’s going to be better moving forward?”
In the interview, Heather posed the question of how to know if when she’s quarrelling with her husband, if she’s the problem, he is, or if its both of them.
“I guess you’ve got to look at the context.”
Aiken said that you have to look at it over a period of time and ask who’s doing what.
“You start to realize, well, this person's actually doing a lot more damage in the relationship than the other person who's not engaging in those behaviours.”
Watching Married At First Sight is a bit of a commitment, taking about eight hours a week to watch all of the episodes.
Aiken likes to think that viewers commit to it for educational purposes.
“Singles watch it and they go, ‘I’ve got to avoid that person or that type’, and couples watch and they go, ‘we absolutely cannot talk like those two or behave like that.’”
“You can learn what not to do by watching Married At First Sight.”
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